0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language
0:00:10 > 0:00:11Built on a plague pit,
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Luton is predominantly a shit-hole,
0:00:13 > 0:00:16specialising in hat-making and Satanism.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19One thing the 160,000 population doesn't like
0:00:19 > 0:00:21is reading matter.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24This library has over 15 books
0:00:24 > 0:00:26and there are plans to buy seven more.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Luton Library members are varied.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Someone who's in here all the time is Alan Bennett.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Hello, I'm Alan Bennett.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36I'm due a fine on these but I'm buggered if I'm paying it.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40This statue is of the goddess Athena pulling off her grateful
0:00:40 > 0:00:41husband Archivia.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Back again, Alan?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Not that it's any of your fucking business.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Just stamp these, you daft cow.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51The books are then carried along on a conveyor belt into a skip
0:00:51 > 0:00:54just outside the library, where they will be destroyed in a fire.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58In the main hall is the advice and information bureau,
0:00:58 > 0:01:01providing a range of information from everything from train
0:01:01 > 0:01:03timetables to marriage guidance.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08- I couldn't stand the sound of her breathing so I killed her.- I see.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Also, what time is the next train to Wapping, please?
0:01:10 > 0:01:14In the main lending room, Pamela plays soothing organ music.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16But no-one asked her to.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22The research room is a hive of people pretending to look busy.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24This couple are secretly screwing.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Are you up for a meeting later?
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Yeah, whereabouts?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29What about by the bins?
0:01:29 > 0:01:30All right. What about Judy?
0:01:30 > 0:01:31She thinks I'm at my cousin Ted's.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- HE SIGHS - The things I'm going to do
0:01:33 > 0:01:34to you later.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36We also have a fleet of mobile libraries,
0:01:36 > 0:01:39all manned by oddballs that serve both the schools
0:01:39 > 0:01:41and the hospitals, as well as the wider community.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46This weirdo is connecting the mains electricity supply
0:01:46 > 0:01:48to the central library.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52This man spends his Saturday afternoons looking at ladies' arses.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Occasionally, if he sees one he really likes, he'll print it off.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02This man comes here to get away from his loveless marriage.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06- MUTTERING:- I've ruined my life. I wish I was dead. Ugh.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10HE FARTS Oh, dirty bastard.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14This is only a temporary goodbye,
0:02:14 > 0:02:16as you will surely return to use the facilities that libraries
0:02:16 > 0:02:19have to offer throughout the rest of your lives.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Goodbye.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Goodbye. Goodbye.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Goodbye.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Goodbye.