0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:07This programme contains adult humour
0:00:07 > 0:00:09What would we do without the telephone?
0:00:09 > 0:00:10Someone's pissed in here.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Who is this?
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Where's your head and feet gone?
0:00:13 > 0:00:15None of your business.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16What are you wearing?
0:00:16 > 0:00:19But supposing the telephone could supply vision as well as sound,
0:00:19 > 0:00:20then he could see her.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Now, wouldn't that be better?
0:00:22 > 0:00:24But whether we should want vision or not,
0:00:24 > 0:00:26what kind of facilities can we expect
0:00:26 > 0:00:28in the next generation of telephone?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30World communication, of course.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Hello, Bill. This is Henry.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35- IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: - Who the fuck is Henry and how did you get this number?
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Henry, I'm calling from London.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Oh, God, it's that prick Henry.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41What the fuck do you want, you weird pom?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Well, it's a dark, wet morning here.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45I suppose you've been basking in the sun all day.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Well, let's have a look at you, Bill.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51You don't take the hint, do you, mate?
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Jeez, you're a pain in the arse.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54How's Betty, Bill?
0:00:54 > 0:00:56She's right here now.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Betty, come and call Henry a prick.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Hello, Henry, you daft old prick.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03But we can do so much more than that.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Let's take a look at the subscriber terminal unit,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09or Anus, as she likes to call it for short.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11To make a call, we take our service card.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14The code will be scanned electronically.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17This service even comes with modifiable hold music.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18RECORD SCRATCHES
0:01:18 > 0:01:21# Fuck the police Comin' straight from the underground
0:01:21 > 0:01:23# A young nigga got it bad cos I'm brown
0:01:23 > 0:01:26# And not the other colour so police think
0:01:26 > 0:01:28# They have the authority to kill a minority
0:01:28 > 0:01:29# Fuck that... #
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Mr Harbottle, please.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Let me put you on hold.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34RECORD SCRATCHES
0:01:34 > 0:01:36# Fuck the police Comin' straight from the underground
0:01:36 > 0:01:37# A young...
0:01:37 > 0:01:40I'm putting you through to Mr Harbottle. Do you want vision?
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Yes, please.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Let me put you on hold again.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45RECORD SCRATCHES # Fuck the police... #
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Good morning, Miss Johnson. My word, you're a sight for eyes.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Why don't you come to my house,
0:01:50 > 0:01:52and I'll get you arseholed on brandy?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Here's a map of my street.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55You've got no excuse now.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57ELECTRONIC SCREECHING
0:01:59 > 0:02:02And there's a special panel to block out perverts.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Another facility is the auto-answer,
0:02:06 > 0:02:10a tape system answering incoming calls.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- MAN IN WEST COUNTRY ACCENT: - All right, mate, just to let you know, I've bought a gritter,
0:02:13 > 0:02:17so if you need anything gritting, just let me know. OK, bye!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Or she takes with her the paging device,
0:02:19 > 0:02:21which can call her anywhere in the building.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26PAGER BEEPS
0:02:30 > 0:02:31# What the fuck you got to say? #
0:02:31 > 0:02:33RECORD SCRATCHES # Fuck the police
0:02:33 > 0:02:36# Comin' straight from the underground... #
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Other services are available through the exchange processor.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41You'll be able to view a picture of
0:02:41 > 0:02:43a squirrel wearing a Casio wristwatch.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45MACHINE BEEPS
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Given all these facilities,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51the businessman will scarcely need his office at all.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54He can do all his work in the comfort of his own home.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Unfortunately for this man, his children are difficult to love.