0:00:10 > 0:00:13DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:00:22 > 0:00:24RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC STOPS
0:00:24 > 0:00:26- HECKLER:- Up yours, Bates!
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Well, hello and welcome to...
0:00:31 > 0:00:33- Oi, Bates!- Thank you! - You look like a coach driver!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Thank you and welcome to Romeo and Juliet's here in Doncaster
0:00:36 > 0:00:38for the Yorkshire Television final of the
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Disco Dancing Championships.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Oh, dear! Looks like a fight's broken out.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Never mind! Let's plough on.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48We've got an amazing half hour for you.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51We've got 12 idiots, all of whom are aching to get into our final,
0:00:51 > 0:00:54into our final, which happens, of course, in October.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56We have the exciting sounds of Mike Moran...
0:00:56 > 0:00:58You tell her, go on, Sue!
0:00:58 > 0:01:01And let's get right into it and meet the first of our contestants,
0:01:01 > 0:01:04because we've got 12 of them and some of these northerners
0:01:04 > 0:01:06can really move.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07And here's the first one.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09This is Albert Tatlock from Yorkshire.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12And he likes to disco dance to the shipping forecast.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Becoming variable, three or less.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Fair, moderate or good.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22North at zero, south at zero.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Variable, becoming south, three or four, showers...
0:01:25 > 0:01:27APPLAUSE
0:01:27 > 0:01:29And here comes Leon Niblock, he's from Hebden Bridge.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33He's 22 years old and he loves to groove to the sound
0:01:33 > 0:01:34of a fax machine.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37BEEPING
0:01:42 > 0:01:46And now from Scarborough we have James Knees, and he'll only jive
0:01:46 > 0:01:50to the sounds of someone rifling through their cutlery drawer.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52CLANKING OF CUTLERY
0:01:53 > 0:01:56And from Cleethorpes, it's Howard Belfry
0:01:56 > 0:02:00dancing to a sex education documentary.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04The penis, now stiff, hard and erect,
0:02:04 > 0:02:08may be twice as large or more than it was when unexcited...
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Take the gloves off, mate! You're not a snooker referee!
0:02:11 > 0:02:15And finally, and definitely least, it's Mike Belgrave from Yorkshire,
0:02:15 > 0:02:20and he loves to groove to the smooth sounds of a key being cut.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22WHIRRING OF MACHINERY
0:02:22 > 0:02:24How do you sleep at night?
0:02:24 > 0:02:26APPLAUSE
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Now the moment has come, the judges have worked out
0:02:30 > 0:02:31it's 12 down to six.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Only five turned up, you prick!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Here are the six.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Not again! OK! There's...
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Um, I'm not getting paid enough for this.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47I don't have to put up with this bullshit.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50I'm actually really glad this place is being turned into
0:02:50 > 0:02:52a Carphone Warehouse.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Northerners are scum!
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Are your parents proud of you?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58They've never said so, have they?!