0:42:28 > 0:42:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:39 > 0:42:41Hello!
0:42:41 > 0:42:45Hello, hello and welcome to The Blame Game Election Special,
0:42:45 > 0:42:49the show that has more laughs than the Ulster Unionist Party has MLAs.
0:42:49 > 0:42:50LAUGHTER
0:42:50 > 0:42:53That's right, count them. We have at least 11 laughs.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57I'm Tim McGarry and the people have spoken.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00So our regular panellists have just about clung onto their seats.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03They are, of course, Colin Murphy,
0:43:03 > 0:43:05Jake O'Kane and Neil Delamere!
0:43:05 > 0:43:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:12 > 0:43:16And our special guest tonight is a firm Blame Game favourite.
0:43:16 > 0:43:19He's a superb and highly sought-after, cutting-edge comedian.
0:43:19 > 0:43:21You've seen him on Have I Got News For You, Mock The Week,
0:43:21 > 0:43:23Argumental, Live At The Apollo
0:43:23 > 0:43:24and a million other things.
0:43:24 > 0:43:27Please welcome the fabulous Andrew Maxwell!
0:43:27 > 0:43:30APPLAUSE
0:43:34 > 0:43:38Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's The Blame Game Election Special
0:43:38 > 0:43:41and, as we know, every election in Northern Ireland is famous
0:43:41 > 0:43:45for bringing people together in the spirit of reconciliation
0:43:45 > 0:43:47and cross-community cooperation.
0:43:48 > 0:43:50But this time it was different.
0:43:50 > 0:43:52This time the crocodiles came home to roost.
0:43:54 > 0:43:57And we had a shock result. Yes, it's official.
0:43:57 > 0:44:00Most Protestants vote Unionist, and most Catholics vote Nationalist.
0:44:02 > 0:44:03Who knew?
0:44:03 > 0:44:05Well, how did this happen?
0:44:05 > 0:44:07Well, on The Blame Game, the audience asks the questions
0:44:07 > 0:44:09and our panel provides some very unreliable answers.
0:44:09 > 0:44:12So what question did you, the audience, ask us tonight?
0:44:12 > 0:44:15"Who's to blame for The Blame Game Election Special Part Two
0:44:15 > 0:44:17"in six weeks' time?"
0:44:20 > 0:44:22No... No, Gavin, no!
0:44:26 > 0:44:28"Who's to blame for...?"
0:44:28 > 0:44:30HE READS IN IRISH
0:44:35 > 0:44:38"Who's to blame for this being filmed in English?"
0:44:40 > 0:44:43- Did I get that right?- I have no idea what you said, to be honest.
0:44:45 > 0:44:47Our first question tonight is, who do you blame
0:44:47 > 0:44:50for the Assembly election happening in the first place?
0:44:50 > 0:44:52Yes, in the old days,
0:44:52 > 0:44:54the spurious letters in Northern Ireland were IRA and UDA.
0:44:54 > 0:44:56Now it's RHI.
0:44:57 > 0:44:59In the old days, we used to do kneecappings.
0:44:59 > 0:45:01Now, we can't even cap an energy scheme.
0:45:06 > 0:45:08The BBC's official line
0:45:08 > 0:45:11is that RHI is a botched renewable energy scheme.
0:45:11 > 0:45:13But what does that actually mean?
0:45:13 > 0:45:15Well, it means that in parts of Northern Ireland,
0:45:15 > 0:45:17you can see chickens wearing bikinis.
0:45:22 > 0:45:24The DUP and Arlene Foster
0:45:24 > 0:45:26have borne the brunt of the blame for RHI.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28In the early days of the scandal,
0:45:28 > 0:45:31Arlene Foster said that she was the victim of misogyny.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33Although, being accused of misogyny by the DUP
0:45:33 > 0:45:36is a bit like being accused of having a bad hairdo by Donald Trump.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40But who do you blame
0:45:40 > 0:45:42for the Assembly election happening in the first place?
0:45:43 > 0:45:45Sinn Fein chickens.
0:45:46 > 0:45:48Sinn Fein chickens are the background to this whole thing.
0:45:48 > 0:45:50We had Ulster chickens,
0:45:50 > 0:45:53good, ordinary-bred Ulster chickens
0:45:53 > 0:45:56that were acclimatised to our climate
0:45:56 > 0:45:58and then they brought in these Fenian...
0:45:58 > 0:46:01Fenian Sinn Fein chickens that needed special heat.
0:46:03 > 0:46:05Which meant we had to get the RHI boilers in
0:46:05 > 0:46:07to heat up for these Sinn Fein chickens
0:46:07 > 0:46:09and from then on it has been a downward slide.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11The first was, of course, Jonathan Bell.
0:46:11 > 0:46:12Do you know who Jonathan Bell was?
0:46:12 > 0:46:15Wee Johnny Bell was a guy who took over from Arlene.
0:46:15 > 0:46:17Arlene had this department called DETI,
0:46:17 > 0:46:19which started the RHI thing, right?
0:46:19 > 0:46:23So she very generously gave it to Johnny.
0:46:23 > 0:46:25Because she's that sort of girl. She's generous.
0:46:25 > 0:46:27She gave it to Johnny.
0:46:27 > 0:46:29Johnny, at some point, realised he had inherited
0:46:29 > 0:46:33the biggest pile of steaming shite in the history of humanity.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35Now, being a Northern Irish politician,
0:46:35 > 0:46:37he did what Northern Irish politicians do.
0:46:37 > 0:46:39His little legs, he ran to The Nolan Show
0:46:39 > 0:46:41and I had sympathy.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43I had sympathy with Johnny
0:46:43 > 0:46:45until he did his praying thing.
0:46:46 > 0:46:47I have nothing against praying.
0:46:47 > 0:46:49I pray occasionally myself.
0:46:49 > 0:46:52But why is it a Northern Irish politician
0:46:52 > 0:46:54needs to pray to tell the truth?
0:46:59 > 0:47:02Arlene, seeing that happen, Arlene with her wee legs,
0:47:02 > 0:47:05she ran to Nolan, too, and she said that Johnny...
0:47:05 > 0:47:07Johnny intimidated her.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10Jonathan Bell intimidated Arlene Foster.
0:47:10 > 0:47:13Do we have a picture of Johnny Bell?
0:47:14 > 0:47:17LAUGHTER
0:47:17 > 0:47:20- Pretty intimidating. - Look at that!
0:47:22 > 0:47:26LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:47:29 > 0:47:31He looks like one of them wee pug dogs
0:47:31 > 0:47:33that's had its arse slapped.
0:47:33 > 0:47:35That intimidated Arlene Foster?
0:47:35 > 0:47:37Johnny Bell couldn't intimidate Arlene Foster
0:47:37 > 0:47:40with a baseball bat in his hands.
0:47:40 > 0:47:43She'd have beat the fake tan off him in two seconds.
0:47:44 > 0:47:46So Arlene said that, over the RHI,
0:47:46 > 0:47:51Arlene said that she could not be expected to remember
0:47:51 > 0:47:55every "jot and tittle" that happened in her department.
0:47:55 > 0:47:57400 million quid!
0:47:57 > 0:47:59490 million quid!
0:47:59 > 0:48:03In the lexicon of stupid comments from Northern Irish politicians,
0:48:03 > 0:48:05and there is a big, big one to choose from,
0:48:05 > 0:48:09that is up there with the number one, which is...
0:48:09 > 0:48:11"We haven't gone away, you know?"
0:48:20 > 0:48:23This is the perfect thing to bring down
0:48:23 > 0:48:25this government/parish council.
0:48:25 > 0:48:28And, er...I genuinely didn't think it would be this.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30You know, it wasn't a bank robbery. It wasn't intimidation.
0:48:30 > 0:48:32It wasn't protest in the streets.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34It wasn't paramilitaries and it wasn't flags.
0:48:34 > 0:48:35It wasn't anything like that.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37It was basically the most culchie reason in the world.
0:48:37 > 0:48:39Someone left the immersion on. That's what happened.
0:48:41 > 0:48:43It's the most perfect thing.
0:48:43 > 0:48:45If you were to offer anything to a culchie,
0:48:45 > 0:48:47and we were talking about this before,
0:48:47 > 0:48:49and the most perfect thing to offer a culchie for free is what?
0:48:49 > 0:48:51- A carvery?- Yes!
0:48:52 > 0:48:55The second best thing you can say to a farmer is,
0:48:55 > 0:48:57"By the way, I'll pay you to leave the heating on."
0:48:57 > 0:48:58"What?!"
0:48:58 > 0:49:00It doesn't help the environment at all.
0:49:00 > 0:49:02In fact, so many people are burning so much stuff,
0:49:02 > 0:49:04they don't know what to do with the waste products.
0:49:04 > 0:49:07Two weeks ago, at the start of Lent, I saw a priest
0:49:07 > 0:49:09giving out ashes with a trowel. Just going....
0:49:11 > 0:49:14Did you not notice that this year? The crosses were definitely bigger.
0:49:14 > 0:49:15Really big.
0:49:17 > 0:49:18It's also all...
0:49:18 > 0:49:21This also, it doesn't make any sense to anybody who's young.
0:49:21 > 0:49:24They've grown up in an Ireland where you've got central heating.
0:49:24 > 0:49:26This...
0:49:26 > 0:49:27They have no idea.
0:49:27 > 0:49:29You know what I'm talking about. You do gigs.
0:49:29 > 0:49:31Anybody in their 20s, they have no idea.
0:49:31 > 0:49:35They live in an Ireland where, you know, you just flick a switch
0:49:35 > 0:49:38and the next thing - heat. Heat appears.
0:49:38 > 0:49:39You don't understand!
0:49:39 > 0:49:41The Ireland we grew up in...
0:49:41 > 0:49:43The Ireland we grew up in,
0:49:43 > 0:49:47one room in the house was too hot to go into.
0:49:49 > 0:49:51And everywhere else you'd die.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55You're studying for an exam in your bedroom,
0:49:55 > 0:49:57"I'm turning blue. What's the point?"
0:49:57 > 0:50:00And this thing, how does this all fit into the Irish language thing?
0:50:00 > 0:50:01What's that all about?
0:50:01 > 0:50:04Because our Communities Minister decided there was a scheme...
0:50:04 > 0:50:07There was a £50,000 scheme and we have to have cutbacks.
0:50:07 > 0:50:10Because there is £490 million spent somewhere else!
0:50:10 > 0:50:13So he decided, being the genius that he is...
0:50:13 > 0:50:15"You know what I'd do for cross community?
0:50:15 > 0:50:18"I'll take that 50,000 off the kids going to Donegal
0:50:18 > 0:50:19"and that'll work out well."
0:50:19 > 0:50:20What, to learn Irish?
0:50:20 > 0:50:23But then he found it down the back of the couch again
0:50:23 > 0:50:24and then gave it back.
0:50:24 > 0:50:26And then he decided on a really good scheme.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28And this was quite a nice scheme.
0:50:28 > 0:50:30There'd be, you know, these community halls and places,
0:50:30 > 0:50:33focuses for people in the community. Yes, community.
0:50:33 > 0:50:36Bringing the community together out in the country, and so...
0:50:36 > 0:50:38These places, they get run down and things. They need help.
0:50:38 > 0:50:41Refurbishing them and keeping them in tiptop condition.
0:50:41 > 0:50:43And so people had to apply for them
0:50:43 > 0:50:46and then he found 1.9 million quid to give to these places
0:50:46 > 0:50:48to help to them up, which was really nice,
0:50:48 > 0:50:51but it turns out there were 90 of these places that he had money for
0:50:51 > 0:50:53and something like 80% of them
0:50:53 > 0:50:56were either flute bands or Orange Halls, right?
0:50:56 > 0:50:58And, you know, this tells us one of two things.
0:50:58 > 0:51:00Either, that was a deliberate thing.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03Or, which is less likely, Catholics are really good at DIY.
0:51:06 > 0:51:07I just thought of something.
0:51:07 > 0:51:10Do you know that Icelandic cloud that stopped all the planes?
0:51:10 > 0:51:13- The ash cloud...- Yeah. - ..in 2010?- Yeah.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15There was no volcano.
0:51:15 > 0:51:18That was just a chicken farm in Fermanagh.
0:51:20 > 0:51:23It stopped them. It stopped all these...
0:51:23 > 0:51:24This has been running for too long.
0:51:25 > 0:51:28Jim Allister was hilarious, though. I love Jim Allister.
0:51:28 > 0:51:30I love him. I'd vote for him.
0:51:30 > 0:51:33- He's the T, er... - The Traditional Unionist Voice.
0:51:33 > 0:51:35Yeah, he's the real deal.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37I'm glad they're out there, the TUV.
0:51:37 > 0:51:39There's somebody...
0:51:39 > 0:51:40Well, they're not really out there.
0:51:40 > 0:51:42He's out there.
0:51:43 > 0:51:45That's what I like about him.
0:51:45 > 0:51:48I would love to see that, just a one-man parade.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50I'd like that, to know that there is somewhere out there,
0:51:50 > 0:51:54there's a man just looking at the DUP, going, "Hippies."
0:51:57 > 0:51:59Thank you. Thank you very much for that.
0:51:59 > 0:52:02Yes, indeed, there is now going to be a full judicial public inquiry
0:52:02 > 0:52:04into the RHI scandal.
0:52:04 > 0:52:06Yes, we gave half a billion pounds to farmers
0:52:06 > 0:52:10and now the plan is to give all the money we have left over to lawyers.
0:52:11 > 0:52:13£490 million...
0:52:13 > 0:52:15Lawyers will just see that as a challenge.
0:52:16 > 0:52:18In a highly controversial TV interview,
0:52:18 > 0:52:21ex-DUP Minister Jonathan Bell claimed that God was on his side.
0:52:21 > 0:52:23After the election result,
0:52:23 > 0:52:26it was clear that God may be on Jonathan's side,
0:52:26 > 0:52:27but he was voting for somebody else.
0:52:29 > 0:52:31I don't know my Bible that well,
0:52:31 > 0:52:34but God seems like a people-before-profit guy to me.
0:52:42 > 0:52:43I'm joking, I'm joking.
0:52:43 > 0:52:45God doesn't get involved in politics.
0:52:45 > 0:52:47He's Alliance.
0:52:50 > 0:52:51So what's our next question tonight?
0:52:51 > 0:52:55Who do you blame for the election campaign?
0:52:55 > 0:52:58Yes, Arlene Foster said the campaign would be "brutal".
0:52:58 > 0:53:00We didn't believe her
0:53:00 > 0:53:03and then we saw the party election broadcasts.
0:53:03 > 0:53:05The Ulster Unionist Party broadcast
0:53:05 > 0:53:07showed a man walking down the street in his pyjamas.
0:53:07 > 0:53:11Mike Nesbitt desperately trying to appeal to the Catholic vote there.
0:53:21 > 0:53:24But who do you blame for the election campaign?
0:53:24 > 0:53:28Yes, the campaign, the election broadcasts were phenomenal.
0:53:28 > 0:53:31The UUP one was, "Wow, that was an epic!"
0:53:31 > 0:53:34And it had the worst acting ever
0:53:34 > 0:53:37and then Nesbitt appeared and, weirdly, it got better.
0:53:37 > 0:53:38That was the weird thing about it.
0:53:38 > 0:53:40The actual actors were awful
0:53:40 > 0:53:42and then he appeared and explained stuff to them.
0:53:42 > 0:53:45This guy was supposed to be in a coma and things
0:53:45 > 0:53:47and he thought things had really changed in the past 17 years
0:53:47 > 0:53:48since he's been in a coma.
0:53:48 > 0:53:51And then, they hadn't. Nothing had changed.
0:53:51 > 0:53:52And then Eastwood's one, as well.
0:53:52 > 0:53:57Eastwood, he was walking down an entry in Belfast
0:53:57 > 0:53:59with his collar up, all moody
0:53:59 > 0:54:01and with his thing
0:54:01 > 0:54:04and walking along and he was like Wolverine.
0:54:04 > 0:54:06There was a Wolverine vibe off him, right?
0:54:06 > 0:54:09And he had obviously been told, "Don't point. Pointing is bad,"
0:54:09 > 0:54:11by these body language experts.
0:54:11 > 0:54:14He'd done this... You know, this thing that Blair used to do.
0:54:14 > 0:54:17So he's walking down the road and he is doing this
0:54:17 > 0:54:19and he wants to talk, so he looks like he's got maracas.
0:54:19 > 0:54:21That's what he's doing.
0:54:23 > 0:54:25But Wolverine at the same time. "Aaarrrggghhh!"
0:54:25 > 0:54:27So... He's not Wolverine.
0:54:27 > 0:54:29He's more like a badger, if you look at that.
0:54:29 > 0:54:32You watch it again and it's Wolverine. And it's brilliant.
0:54:32 > 0:54:35DUP, they went more for... There are a few DUP ones.
0:54:35 > 0:54:37The first one, because it was a bit of a rush, I think,
0:54:37 > 0:54:39that I saw, anyway,
0:54:39 > 0:54:42featured her...
0:54:42 > 0:54:43Foster.
0:54:43 > 0:54:46And she was there beside...
0:54:46 > 0:54:49She was sitting beside what looked like a piano, right?
0:54:49 > 0:54:53And there was a bunch of flowers here with sort of lilies
0:54:53 > 0:54:55and a flag behind her
0:54:55 > 0:54:59and very much the sort of organist at a hospice vibe.
0:55:00 > 0:55:03Alliance, they had one that was sort of black-and-white at the beginning.
0:55:03 > 0:55:06It was a bit moody. It was a bit, you know, perfume addy.
0:55:06 > 0:55:08And then it got all colourful and bright.
0:55:08 > 0:55:11But there was no people in it. No people in it. Just places.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14Which isn't a good message to send out, if you are a political party,
0:55:14 > 0:55:17that this camera was constantly moving around streets and fields,
0:55:17 > 0:55:20almost like it was looking for an Alliance voter.
0:55:21 > 0:55:24"There must be someone here. Someone. Anyone, anyone...!"
0:55:24 > 0:55:25The DUP. The best thing...
0:55:25 > 0:55:29The biggest sort of newsworthy thing I think during the whole campaign
0:55:29 > 0:55:31was the DUP manifesto launch.
0:55:33 > 0:55:36Which Arlene appeared on a stage in some hotel somewhere
0:55:36 > 0:55:37with the manifesto.
0:55:37 > 0:55:40I believe it was on a stick, on a flagpole behind her.
0:55:40 > 0:55:42And that was the manifesto right there.
0:55:42 > 0:55:46And then she spoke and she mentioned Sinn Fein 32 times
0:55:46 > 0:55:49and Gerry Adams 12 times.
0:55:49 > 0:55:51And nobody really knows why she was mentioning Gerry Adams.
0:55:51 > 0:55:54He had nothing to do with the thing but, if nothing else,
0:55:54 > 0:55:55we do know her safe word.
0:55:55 > 0:55:57Er, so...
0:56:01 > 0:56:02It's definitely that.
0:56:02 > 0:56:05It's either that or some sort of perfume ad.
0:56:05 > 0:56:07You know one of those ones with a whisper,
0:56:07 > 0:56:09the subliminal kind of thing, where they go, "Givenchy."
0:56:09 > 0:56:12But it's not. It's her going, "Gerry Adams."
0:56:12 > 0:56:14She is saying things like,
0:56:14 > 0:56:16"Going, moving forward into the future. Gerry Adams."
0:56:16 > 0:56:19That would be a brilliant perfume. Partition for men.
0:56:21 > 0:56:25I thought the best thing about... Serious, like. A very serious scandal and all the rest.
0:56:25 > 0:56:29And then the Shinners had a dance competition,
0:56:29 > 0:56:32a Dancing With The Stars competition to raise money.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35And this biggest crisis in Northern Ireland's history financially,
0:56:35 > 0:56:38you're just going, "I don't know about that." And Gerry Kelly was in it. And he did really well.
0:56:38 > 0:56:40There was a point, in fairness, a few years ago,
0:56:40 > 0:56:43when Tango Foxtrot was just his MI5 codename.
0:56:46 > 0:56:49APPLAUSE
0:56:49 > 0:56:51It's a wonderful idea, isn't it?
0:56:51 > 0:56:53I really hope they did their Dirty Dancing bit,
0:56:53 > 0:56:56I hope there was a Patrick Swayze, what's her name? Jennifer Grey.
0:56:56 > 0:56:59I just want the idea of maybe one of the maskies just holding up Gerry
0:56:59 > 0:57:02and Gerry going, "I don't know if I can do it. Will you catch me?"
0:57:02 > 0:57:05"Come on, Gerry, pretend I'm a Land Rover. Pretend I'm a Land Rover. Come on."
0:57:05 > 0:57:07APPLAUSE
0:57:10 > 0:57:13The Shinner one, the Shinner...
0:57:13 > 0:57:15election broadcast was very slick,
0:57:15 > 0:57:17they were a very slick machine involved there.
0:57:17 > 0:57:20The one I saw, it was the only one I saw, and it was a very clever move.
0:57:20 > 0:57:23They had it subtitled. They had it subtitled. It was in English,
0:57:23 > 0:57:27which I thought was a bit offensive to Michelle O'Neill. But...
0:57:27 > 0:57:31Because let's face it, not the greatest speaking voice in the world.
0:57:31 > 0:57:35It's the fastest, unbelievable. She speaks almost like a machinegun.
0:57:35 > 0:57:37And she...
0:57:38 > 0:57:39Seriously...
0:57:39 > 0:57:41HE SPEAKS VERY QUICKLY
0:57:42 > 0:57:44And... If she was reading the Proclamation of 1916,
0:57:44 > 0:57:48people would have been home for their tea a lot earlier. Do you know what I mean?
0:57:48 > 0:57:50But it was subtitled underneath, in English,
0:57:50 > 0:57:52and it was still being subtitled in English underneath.
0:57:52 > 0:57:56And I was wondering why, I thought it was maybe for the older viewer, the hard of hearing.
0:57:56 > 0:58:00And then I realised, no, it's not, it's for the middle-class voter. That's what it is.
0:58:00 > 0:58:02So they can watch the Sinn Fein broadcast, but with the sound down,
0:58:02 > 0:58:05in case the neighbours hear anything.
0:58:05 > 0:58:09That's for the middle-class Catholics. Turn it down there.
0:58:11 > 0:58:16It's hard. I find it really easy to write jokes about the DUP.
0:58:16 > 0:58:19But then you've got to write jokes about all the parties.
0:58:19 > 0:58:23But it's not the same. You know, it's hard, but I can't...
0:58:26 > 0:58:28You know, and then Sinn Fein...
0:58:28 > 0:58:31You do know they've been complaining about BBC bias, by the way, the DUP?
0:58:32 > 0:58:34The DUP aren't watching this,
0:58:34 > 0:58:37they're not watching the Fenian Funny Hour.
0:58:40 > 0:58:43APPLAUSE
0:58:46 > 0:58:49The other big election story was that the Ulster Unionists suggested,
0:58:49 > 0:58:52Mike Nesbitt suggested that maybe we could vote second or third preference.
0:58:52 > 0:58:54Across...
0:58:54 > 0:58:56No, this is what happens.
0:58:56 > 0:58:58So basically, so Sinn Fein and the UUP had a listen,
0:58:58 > 0:59:02- you vote for us, we'll vote for you, right, this is what happened. - SDLP and...
0:59:02 > 0:59:05Sorry, SDLP and UUP... I'm confused, like a voter.
0:59:06 > 0:59:09So the SDLP and the UUP had, if you vote for us,
0:59:09 > 0:59:11we'll arrange transfers between the two of...
0:59:11 > 0:59:14So the SDLP retained 12 seats and the UUP were decimated,
0:59:14 > 0:59:17which proves you can't trust Catholics. You can't just trust them.
0:59:19 > 0:59:23Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that. Thank you for that.
0:59:23 > 0:59:26Yes, an election in Northern Ireland is that unique time when
0:59:26 > 0:59:29Loyalists take all the Union Jacks off the lampposts and instead put
0:59:29 > 0:59:34up election posters with pictures of Union Jacks on them.
0:59:34 > 0:59:37And Sinn Fein put integrity in government at the centre of
0:59:37 > 0:59:41their election campaign. Gerry Adams said honesty was essential.
0:59:41 > 0:59:44And it's true, you can ask Gerry Adams anything except what
0:59:44 > 0:59:47he was up to in the 1970s.
0:59:47 > 0:59:49Or the '80s and most of the '90s.
0:59:49 > 0:59:51So what's our next question tonight?
0:59:51 > 0:59:55Who do you blame for fake news? Yes, the BBC
0:59:55 > 0:59:59has been accused of fake news and being biased against the DUP.
0:59:59 > 1:00:01In response, the BBC issued a statement,
1:00:01 > 1:00:05saying that everything we do is informed by the BBC's
1:00:05 > 1:00:08editorial guidelines and the public interest.
1:00:08 > 1:00:10Tiocfaidh ar la.
1:00:14 > 1:00:16APPLAUSE
1:00:17 > 1:00:20But who can we blame for fake news?
1:00:20 > 1:00:23Well, that's it, it's Donald Trump.
1:00:23 > 1:00:26It's really... Well, actually, it started with Vladimir Putin.
1:00:26 > 1:00:30It's all about... It's post-modernism, it's the idea that we are
1:00:30 > 1:00:34going back to the pre-Enlightenment era where we settled on for the last
1:00:34 > 1:00:38300 years that there could be such thing as empirical truth.
1:00:38 > 1:00:40Yes. Something could be scientifically known.
1:00:40 > 1:00:43You know, the idea that you have your own opinions but you don't get
1:00:43 > 1:00:45your own facts.
1:00:45 > 1:00:48And that is Vladimir Putin and his information war has been
1:00:48 > 1:00:53slowly dismantling this to sow discord across the democratic West.
1:00:53 > 1:00:56I haven't understood a fucking word of that.
1:00:58 > 1:01:00APPLAUSE
1:01:02 > 1:01:07But the reason why it's relevant to here is Edwin Poots said it.
1:01:09 > 1:01:10That's it.
1:01:10 > 1:01:13Trump, you know, he just denies everything.
1:01:13 > 1:01:16It's all about denial and saying, "Nothing's real,
1:01:16 > 1:01:19"everything's blah, I don't know." And it's working.
1:01:19 > 1:01:23I mean, Trump, it's working. Like he's too fast for comedians.
1:01:23 > 1:01:25I mean, there's literally, on a daily basis,
1:01:25 > 1:01:29he's a totally different tit every day.
1:01:29 > 1:01:32But, you know, there's always something.
1:01:32 > 1:01:34You know, he's bragging about molesting women and getting
1:01:34 > 1:01:37away with it. You're a comedian, it's too much.
1:01:37 > 1:01:41You write jokes about, right, he's bragging about molesting women,
1:01:41 > 1:01:44so you write jokes about him and what a nasty piece of crap he is.
1:01:44 > 1:01:47And then the next day you get up and he's kicked a midget.
1:01:51 > 1:01:53APPLAUSE
1:01:55 > 1:01:58What annoys me is he lies when it's verifiably wrong.
1:01:58 > 1:02:00That's what annoys me.
1:02:00 > 1:02:05Like, I lie all the time, I'm not even from the Republic.
1:02:05 > 1:02:08I've been getting away with it for ten years. I'm from Bangor, I hide it very well.
1:02:10 > 1:02:13- He's very self-confident, he's a confident man.- He'll get caught.
1:02:13 > 1:02:15Because at the end of the day,
1:02:15 > 1:02:20he's decided to pick a fight with his own spy agencies.
1:02:20 > 1:02:23You know, they know everything. They've hacked into...
1:02:23 > 1:02:26They're into our phones, they're into our TVs, apparently, this week.
1:02:26 > 1:02:28The CIA, they can get into everything.
1:02:28 > 1:02:34They can... The NSA and CIA and, I presume, GCHQ here,
1:02:34 > 1:02:38they can use your phone, your laptop. Now your TV.
1:02:38 > 1:02:40They can spy on you, they can do all that.
1:02:40 > 1:02:44And any time anybody, any civil liberty organisation goes,
1:02:44 > 1:02:47"Why do you need all this information?" There's always one answer.
1:02:47 > 1:02:50"We're catching jihadis. We've got to catch Muslims.
1:02:50 > 1:02:54"Got to catch them all. They're like brown Pokemon. Got to catch them..."
1:02:54 > 1:02:57My thing is, I know nothing about the technology involved in the internet,
1:02:57 > 1:03:01but I'm thinking, if the whole thing is to catch international, global
1:03:01 > 1:03:06terrorists and jihadis, why can't they just use whatever Amazon use?
1:03:06 > 1:03:09If there's a jihadi ranting online, "Kill the Jews, death to the
1:03:09 > 1:03:11"Jews," why can't something just pop up going,
1:03:11 > 1:03:14"Bing! I see you hate the Jews?
1:03:19 > 1:03:22"You may also hate..."
1:03:22 > 1:03:25"Yes, yes, a woman's face in public, yes."
1:03:25 > 1:03:28The Americans. If they are hacking everything and listening to people's
1:03:28 > 1:03:31phone calls and all that, if they are listening to the phone calls
1:03:31 > 1:03:33here, you know, initially they think they're onto something.
1:03:33 > 1:03:35They're going, "Hey, I've got something here,
1:03:35 > 1:03:38"I've got this conversation and phone call here.
1:03:38 > 1:03:40"Death threats or something, I don't know."
1:03:40 > 1:03:43Because basically most phone calls here, at least once a day,
1:03:43 > 1:03:46everyone in this room, "Do you know who's dead?"
1:03:46 > 1:03:47That's all the phone calls.
1:03:47 > 1:03:50- APPLAUSE - All of them.
1:03:52 > 1:03:54Thank you, thank you, thank you very much for that.
1:03:54 > 1:03:58Yes, indeed, DUP figures criticised the BBC leaders' debate,
1:03:58 > 1:04:00saying the audience was unbalanced.
1:04:00 > 1:04:02And of course it was completely unbalanced.
1:04:02 > 1:04:04I mean, if you actually volunteered to spend an hour and a half
1:04:04 > 1:04:06listening to five of our politicians,
1:04:06 > 1:04:10you're clearly not a well-balanced person.
1:04:10 > 1:04:13To be fair, BBC staff did throw out audience members who were
1:04:13 > 1:04:16clearly biased, including one man dressed as a crocodile,
1:04:16 > 1:04:18and a woman who had a bottle of Pinot Noir
1:04:18 > 1:04:23and a tub of Moroccan couscous who was clearly an Alliance Party plant.
1:04:26 > 1:04:30And what's our next question tonight? Our next question tonight is, who do you blame
1:04:30 > 1:04:32for what happens next?
1:04:32 > 1:04:34Yes, the election results were widely seen as
1:04:34 > 1:04:37a huge victory for Sinn Fein.
1:04:37 > 1:04:40The DUP say they actually won the election. And yes, you won it.
1:04:40 > 1:04:44The same way Paris Saint-Germain won against Barcelona.
1:04:44 > 1:04:48Despite the loss of ten MLAs, Arlene Foster is said to have
1:04:48 > 1:04:50the full, complete and unequivocal support of her colleagues.
1:04:50 > 1:04:53Two words, Arlene. Claudio Ranieri.
1:04:55 > 1:04:56Addressing Unionist's fears,
1:04:56 > 1:04:59Gerry Adams spoke directly to the DUP and promised that
1:04:59 > 1:05:02Sinn Fein would not be triumphalist,
1:05:02 > 1:05:04adding, "Up your hole with a big jam roll."
1:05:06 > 1:05:08APPLAUSE
1:05:12 > 1:05:15LAUGHTER
1:05:15 > 1:05:16I haven't heard that in years!
1:05:18 > 1:05:20- Fantastic.- It just shows...
1:05:22 > 1:05:26I would pay all the money I have for Mark Carruthers to say that
1:05:26 > 1:05:28on a current affairs programme.
1:05:31 > 1:05:34So, we've had the election and now the talks start.
1:05:34 > 1:05:37On Wednesday, the Chancellor announced extra money for Northern Ireland.
1:05:37 > 1:05:40James Brokenshire, representing the British Government, comes to
1:05:40 > 1:05:43the talks with an extra £120 million.
1:05:43 > 1:05:46Charlie Flanagan, representing the Irish Government, comes the
1:05:46 > 1:05:50talks with a Dublin GAA top and two tickets for The Late Late Show.
1:05:51 > 1:05:55- But who can we blame for what happens next?- OK, I'm going to make
1:05:55 > 1:05:59an unpopular suggestion, but I think it's time to go to direct rule.
1:05:59 > 1:06:01Sorry, I think direct rule, you've got to try direct rule.
1:06:01 > 1:06:05It worked for a long time. And... No, if it doesn't work,
1:06:05 > 1:06:07maybe direct rule from England.
1:06:10 > 1:06:12APPLAUSE
1:06:16 > 1:06:19One person said that... He was a political commentator.
1:06:19 > 1:06:22And he said that the Sinn Fein base, you know,
1:06:22 > 1:06:25they didn't want Sinn Fein being minions to anybody.
1:06:25 > 1:06:27And you go, "I don't think they are minions."
1:06:27 > 1:06:30Minions are little yellow lads, going, "Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!"
1:06:30 > 1:06:32Whereas Michelle O'Neill is a blonde woman who goes,
1:06:32 > 1:06:35"mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!"
1:06:36 > 1:06:38- Like... - APPLAUSE
1:06:38 > 1:06:40I don't want another election.
1:06:40 > 1:06:42Because even as someone who can't vote,
1:06:42 > 1:06:45I end up watching the election results until all hours.
1:06:45 > 1:06:49Politicians and whores are the only people who are told they're going
1:06:49 > 1:06:51to get a job in the middle of the night.
1:06:57 > 1:06:59And also...
1:06:59 > 1:07:01APPLAUSE
1:07:01 > 1:07:04And also, they both do the same thing to the public.
1:07:05 > 1:07:07One of the things they're going to get rid of,
1:07:07 > 1:07:10they want to get rid of First Minister and Deputy First Minister.
1:07:10 > 1:07:13- Oh, call them joint...- Equal. That's the thing. What are they going to call them?
1:07:13 > 1:07:19You know, Wizard and, you know, the Worshipful Master. I don't know.
1:07:19 > 1:07:22- It could be anything we want. - Partners.- There we go.
1:07:22 > 1:07:24No, partners, again, too close to...
1:07:26 > 1:07:27The DUP are never going to go for that,
1:07:27 > 1:07:32particularly as Arlene Foster and Michelle O'Neill are same-sex.
1:07:32 > 1:07:34- Are they, though?- Well...
1:07:36 > 1:07:38APPLAUSE
1:07:38 > 1:07:40Are they?
1:07:40 > 1:07:43- Cagney and Lacey.- Cagney and Lacey! Oh.
1:07:43 > 1:07:45- I think that is fantastic. - Would you?- Yes.
1:07:45 > 1:07:50- Which one is which, though?- Well, Cagney's definitely the Fenian.
1:07:53 > 1:07:56I like how you say that and everybody goes, "Yeah..."
1:07:58 > 1:08:02- Tango and Cash.- Tango and Cash, that's good. Starsky and Hutch. See, there's loads of them.
1:08:04 > 1:08:05LAUGHTER
1:08:05 > 1:08:08This is what the talks are like.
1:08:08 > 1:08:11Someone throws something out there and then they throw it around the place.
1:08:11 > 1:08:13HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY
1:08:13 > 1:08:15- Someone else goes... - HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY
1:08:15 > 1:08:17And then the English boy goes, "Anyone?"
1:08:17 > 1:08:20And then they all sit around and go...
1:08:20 > 1:08:23- IN POSH ACCENT:- "I really need to break the deadlock here."
1:08:23 > 1:08:26HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY
1:08:30 > 1:08:33"Guys, are we making any progress here?"
1:08:33 > 1:08:37HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY
1:08:41 > 1:08:43"Listen, I really mean it.
1:08:43 > 1:08:46"It's almost lunchtime, we've got bloody nowhere."
1:08:46 > 1:08:50HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY
1:08:53 > 1:08:56"Guys, calm down."
1:08:56 > 1:09:00You're laughing, but this is the first five years of The Blame Game for me.
1:09:02 > 1:09:05I reckon he's not even in the room. I reckon Brokenshire comes in and says,
1:09:05 > 1:09:07"Now, I'm going to leave you all to it. Can I trust you to do that?
1:09:07 > 1:09:10"Yeah, yeah? And then I'll be back in an hour or two."
1:09:10 > 1:09:13- And then before he leaves room, they're going... - HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY
1:09:13 > 1:09:17"Has he gone? Aye, good. How's it going anyway?"
1:09:17 > 1:09:20- "You did well in the election. Well done, yourself."- "Aye, not too bad."
1:09:20 > 1:09:22"Here, he's coming back. Here."
1:09:22 > 1:09:24THEY SPEAK INCOHERENTLY
1:09:24 > 1:09:26That's what it is.
1:09:26 > 1:09:28APPLAUSE
1:09:32 > 1:09:34Thank you, thank you very much for that.
1:09:34 > 1:09:36Just time for our quick-fire round.
1:09:36 > 1:09:39I will read you various newspaper headlines and I want you to
1:09:39 > 1:09:42be faster than a Michelle O'Neill speech.
1:09:46 > 1:09:49And it's still colder than a chicken barn in Fermanagh.
1:09:53 > 1:09:55Hello to more Catholics!
1:09:59 > 1:10:01Yet you still keep voting for them.
1:10:01 > 1:10:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1:10:08 > 1:10:10And finally...
1:10:12 > 1:10:15Would free up a couple of places on the panel of The Blame Game.
1:10:15 > 1:10:18APPLAUSE
1:10:25 > 1:10:28That's it, ladies and gentlemen. That's the end of the show.
1:10:28 > 1:10:32Like a prisoner at Maghaberry, you're free to go.
1:10:32 > 1:10:34APPLAUSE
1:10:39 > 1:10:42But first... First, ladies and gentlemen, please show your
1:10:42 > 1:10:45appreciation to our panel, Colin Murphy, Andrew Maxwell,
1:10:45 > 1:10:47Jake O'Kane and Neil Delamere.
1:10:47 > 1:10:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1:10:50 > 1:10:54I'm... I'm Tim McGarry.
1:10:54 > 1:10:57Until the new series starts on 21st April, don't blame yourself,
1:10:57 > 1:10:59blame each other. Goodbye.
1:10:59 > 1:11:03APPLAUSE