0:00:35 > 0:00:36Hello.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Hello, and welcome to The Blame Game -
0:00:42 > 0:00:45the show that's as far-fetched and hilarious as
0:00:45 > 0:00:47a party election manifesto.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50I'm Tim McGarry, and our regular comedy candidates are, of course,
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Colin Murphy, Jake O'Kane and Neil Delamere.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04And our special guest tonight is a superb stand-up comedian who's been
0:01:04 > 0:01:07on Radio 4, Live At The Apollo, Have I Got News For You,
0:01:07 > 0:01:11Mock The Week and much, much more, and he's a very lucky man,
0:01:11 > 0:01:15because he actually reached the pinnacle of his career a few years
0:01:15 > 0:01:17ago when he appeared on The Blame Game.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Please welcome back, the fabulous, Stephen K Amos!
0:01:30 > 0:01:35In 2009, Prince Harry famously told Stephen that, and I quote,
0:01:35 > 0:01:38"You didn't sound like a black chap."
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Which is exactly why Harry will now be taking over from Prince Philip.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48He didn't actually say that, did he?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51That's actually a true story, he actually said that.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54It's when I did my first Royal Variety Show.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55A show I didn't want to do,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I thought my comedy wouldn't land in that environment.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00They kept saying, "It's going to work for you, Steve."
0:02:00 > 0:02:03You get to meet the royal family and I was like, "Really?"
0:02:03 > 0:02:06And they said, "When you meet the Queen especially, don't look her in
0:02:06 > 0:02:08"the eye, speak if she speaks to you,
0:02:08 > 0:02:10"and above all, you've got to bow."
0:02:10 > 0:02:16I was like, "Bow. Me bow? For another living human being? No."
0:02:16 > 0:02:18I finish the show, I see the Queen, I'm not joking,
0:02:18 > 0:02:21and as soon as she got in front of me, my knees went,
0:02:21 > 0:02:23I bowed like a bitch.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- EXAGGERATED NIGERIAN ACCENT: - "Thank you for everything!"
0:02:27 > 0:02:29"Thank you for saving my people!"
0:02:32 > 0:02:35But the thing was, he was joking, because when I did that show,
0:02:35 > 0:02:37what I used to do back in the day
0:02:37 > 0:02:39was come out on stage doing a Nigerian accent.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Remember that, guys?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Just to fool people's perceptions of who I really was,
0:02:44 > 0:02:45and he was in the audience and he
0:02:45 > 0:02:48got that, that is how the joke happened.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50But, you know, I just ran with it.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54"How dare you say that to me."
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Because when he said it, I said, "Thank you so much, you're right."
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Whereas what I should have said was,
0:03:02 > 0:03:06"You don't quite look like your father, Prince Charles."
0:03:11 > 0:03:12Now on with the show,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15the audience asks the questions and our panel provide some very
0:03:15 > 0:03:18unreliable answers. So what did you, the audience, ask us tonight?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21"Who's to blame for Ireland being
0:03:21 > 0:03:25"18th in the European alcohol consumption list,
0:03:25 > 0:03:29"UK is 12th, somebody isn't playing their part."
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Well, I'm doing my bit!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Wait, who are you doing your bit for, though?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47AUDIENCE OOHS
0:03:47 > 0:03:51- Answer the question! - Is this the BBC?
0:03:56 > 0:03:57I've genuinely got him there!
0:03:59 > 0:04:00I'm doing a Rory McIlroy.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05"Who's to blame for Rory McIlroy's bad back since his honeymoon?"
0:04:08 > 0:04:10He was in town during the week, he saw him.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I saw him, he walked past me.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Did you think he walked past you and went,
0:04:15 > 0:04:18"I think that was Jake O'Kane!"
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Wife would be going, "Just keep walking, just keep walking,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24"I'm sure he gets it all the time."
0:04:25 > 0:04:26He nodded at me!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29He nodded at you?
0:04:29 > 0:04:32When you see a kind of a fellow, who looks like he might batter you,
0:04:32 > 0:04:34who might be psycho, you give him the nod.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36You're quite an intimidating man.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- I'm not.- Yes, you are. "No, I'm not."
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Are you sure he wasn't sneezing?
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Did he think, did he walk away
0:04:44 > 0:04:48going, "That's the feller from the field,
0:04:48 > 0:04:49"look how he's dressed."
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- Some sort of Amish dude. - I saw her first.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Didn't really notice him.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57He did that, "Awright."
0:04:57 > 0:05:01He doesn't talk like that, "Awright."
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Possibly the reason he nodded at you was you were looking at his wife
0:05:04 > 0:05:05going, "Weergh!"
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Just out of interest, not being from here, who is this person?
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Jake O'Kane.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28What is our first question tonight?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31"Who do you blame for misspeaking?"
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Yes, in the almost 100 years of the Northern Ireland state,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37unionists have committed a number of terrible crimes against the
0:05:37 > 0:05:39nationalist people,
0:05:39 > 0:05:42sectarianism, discrimination, gerrymandering, internment,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45and worst of all, they have called a blonde woman blonde!
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Arlene Foster described Michelle O'Neill as blonde,
0:05:50 > 0:05:52but said it was a compliment,
0:05:52 > 0:05:55the same way when we call Jake a "ging-ger",
0:05:55 > 0:05:56it is a term of utmost respect.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Arlene said Michelle was rarely seen without her make-up,
0:06:02 > 0:06:05which shows how far we've come, because a lot of years ago,
0:06:05 > 0:06:07some Sinn Fein leaders were rarely seen without their balaclavas.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17But who do you blame for misspeaking?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19It was called disgraceful sexism.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24She's been accused of disgraceful sexism for calling Michelle blonde.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27It's wrong. And Arlene should know it's wrong.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29It should be pointed out,
0:06:29 > 0:06:31you're wrong, Arlene.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34It's not really blonde, it's out of a bottle.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43They're getting so annoyed, I'll tell you why,
0:06:43 > 0:06:47they have spent a fortune on Michelle, have you noticed?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Have you seen a party political broadcast,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I didn't even know it was her,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I could understand what she was saying.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55She was talking normally.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57"And Sinn Fein
0:06:57 > 0:07:00"are here for all the people, all..."
0:07:00 > 0:07:01You know there's two wee guys
0:07:01 > 0:07:03standing behind that camera, with cue cards.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07But if they drop those cue cards...
0:07:07 > 0:07:08RAPID, HIGH-PITCHED SPEECH
0:07:14 > 0:07:17And we finally... This week we found out
0:07:17 > 0:07:18what happened with the Nesbitt picture.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Remember, last week we were talking about Nesbitt licking the carpet.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Mick made a fatal mistake,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31he misspoke in the most dangerous fashion,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33he misspoke to a Belfast granny.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38He challenged a Belfast granny to a fight.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Now, he was messing about, he got down on his knees, "Come on, then,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43"come on."
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Falls Road Granny.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46"Take that!"
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Eight, nine, ten...
0:07:56 > 0:07:58He said, "Look..."
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Gerry Kelly got put down by a Land Rover!
0:08:02 > 0:08:04He got put down by a granny.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06And she says that she didn't even hit him.
0:08:06 > 0:08:11The only women harder than a Belfast granny,
0:08:11 > 0:08:17women going out to clubs, this new craze, duct tape craze.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Women, stark naked, they go out starkers,
0:08:20 > 0:08:22stark naked, no clothes
0:08:22 > 0:08:26and they use black duct tape to cover over their delicate bits,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29that's all they're wearing is black duct tape.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32That is the most effective contraception known to man!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34The Catholic Church is all for this,
0:08:34 > 0:08:36because I cry when I pull a plaster off!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Can you imagine?! Come here, come on...
0:08:39 > 0:08:41SHOUTING
0:08:41 > 0:08:46Much left? No, no...!
0:08:46 > 0:08:47The girls aren't mad,
0:08:47 > 0:08:51they wear black duct tape during the summer and insulating tape during
0:08:51 > 0:08:52the winter, so...
0:08:58 > 0:09:06Michelle, I saw the same broadcast, and she has slowed down.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Er, someone not from here, Stephen, you may see this woman,
0:09:10 > 0:09:13we do have a reputation for speaking quickly.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16People find it difficult to understand us.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21This woman speaks so fast that we go, "She's speaking too fast,"
0:09:21 > 0:09:24that's how fast she speaks. She has been slowed down,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27but the difference between a normal speaking speed and what she speaks
0:09:27 > 0:09:31in this party political broadcast is toned down...
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Genuinely...
0:09:32 > 0:09:34HE IMITATES A SLOW TAPE
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I think they have slowed down the tape!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38I think that's all they've done, in the background,
0:09:38 > 0:09:40people walking really slowly behind...
0:09:42 > 0:09:45IMITATES SLOWED-DOWN SPEECH AND SPEEDED-UP SPEECH
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I want to thank you for the clarification,
0:10:06 > 0:10:09I was kind of wondering who this Michelle was,
0:10:09 > 0:10:11and as we're talking about misspeaking,
0:10:11 > 0:10:16you said two things in your bit which grabbed me, first,
0:10:16 > 0:10:18you mentioned licking the carpet...
0:10:20 > 0:10:22You may all know what it is but...
0:10:22 > 0:10:24a Belfast granny?
0:10:24 > 0:10:25Can you explain what that is?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28That's actually a Belfast granny, that's not slang.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34It should be a euphemism.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39That's for the duct tape women.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42She has tape all over her Belfast granny!
0:10:45 > 0:10:49What you just did there was wonderful.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Look at your Belfast granny.
0:10:53 > 0:10:58Follow the logic, follow the logic, he went, "It must be slang,
0:10:58 > 0:11:01"because it's so unlikely that a Belfast granny actually knocked out
0:11:01 > 0:11:05"a politician," but that's actually what happened.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07You don't understand anything that's happening here.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10When I came up here first, I remember talking to a guy at the BBC
0:11:10 > 0:11:12and he used slang I'd never heard of before.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15"I tell you, I was in with the doctor yesterday and he took the
0:11:15 > 0:11:17"hand out of me." And I went, "Prostate?"
0:11:19 > 0:11:20"Was it prostate?"
0:11:20 > 0:11:22He goes, "What's the prostate?"
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Why was the hand in you in the first place, then?
0:11:26 > 0:11:27And he goes, "I was in for a cough."
0:11:27 > 0:11:30And I went, "Only the finger's meant to go there!"
0:11:31 > 0:11:33I think you should cut Michelle some slack,
0:11:33 > 0:11:36if she normally speaks very quickly and she slowed it down,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38give her some slack.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41This week, didn't Prince Charles...
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Spoke Irish.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44Tried to speak Irish...
0:11:44 > 0:11:47And people kind of had a go at him for doing that.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48No, I think he had a go at himself,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50he thought he had done it quite badly.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Well, he would have done it quite badly.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Apart from that not being his first language,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58English is also not his first language.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00They're Germans, aren't they?
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Didn't you know?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Thank you, thank you very much for that.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Yes, indeed, the hot topic in local politics this week was the colour of
0:12:14 > 0:12:19a woman's hair. Look, nobody wants them back but, be honest, sometimes,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21do you not miss the Troubles?
0:12:24 > 0:12:28It is of course always wrong to define a politician by their looks.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Later on in the programme we'll be discussing US president,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34the ridiculous comb-over freak and part-time orang-utan impersonator,
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Donald Trump.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41And on last week's show we may have misspoken when we talked about
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Mike Nesbitt and that photo of him on the floor of the Stormont Hotel,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48it seems the whole thing was a joke, we apologised to Mike,
0:12:48 > 0:12:50and asked him to come to the show tonight, but he couldn't make it,
0:12:50 > 0:12:52he's far too busy. He's flat out.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04So what is our next question, "Who do you blame for cyber attacks?"
0:13:04 > 0:13:07A worldwide cyber attack badly affected the NHS.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Across the UK, phone lines were jammed
0:13:09 > 0:13:10by people nervously wanting to
0:13:10 > 0:13:14know if appointments would be delayed and operations cancelled.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16In Northern Ireland, phone lines were jammed by people nervously
0:13:16 > 0:13:20wanting to know if this would affect their DLA.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23The loss of NHS records was
0:13:23 > 0:13:25particularly troubling for hypochondriacs and
0:13:25 > 0:13:29the elderly, so you can imagine how worried Jake has been.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34But who can we blame for cyber attacks?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36There was this massive cyber attack,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I don't know if you've ever been hacked,
0:13:38 > 0:13:42but you find out exactly how your friends relate to it.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44My e-mail was hacked once and all my female friends went,
0:13:44 > 0:13:47"Your e-mail has been hacked, sad face."
0:13:47 > 0:13:50My best male friend, first of all, nobody told me,
0:13:50 > 0:13:53and then my best male friend laughed at me.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57"That's what happens when you watch porn all the time, I suppose."
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Brackets, "Then again, I suppose you have to see your ma somehow."
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Genuinely! Yeah!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09It's affected mainly versions of Windows,
0:14:09 > 0:14:12so Steve Jobs is in heaven pissing himself laughing.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Because there's no Mac devices,
0:14:14 > 0:14:17he's working on whatever he's working on with his angel wings and
0:14:17 > 0:14:19little black turtleneck.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Probably still working on a cloud computer.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Trying to convince Moses to switch tablets, I should imagine...
0:14:25 > 0:14:27CHEERING
0:14:30 > 0:14:34So, the reason it didn't spread further,
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Russia was the country that was affected worst by it,
0:14:37 > 0:14:38by all accounts.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41To the extent that if Russia continues to be attacked like this,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44they're worried will it affect Russia's ability to run America?
0:14:44 > 0:14:47So they are slightly worried about that.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50It could be worse, though. Your car could tout on you.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- Did you see that story?- Yeah, that's brilliant.- It's an amazing story.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55I don't know if you know it. Right, a guy crashes his car.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56The car, like a BMW or a Ford or
0:14:56 > 0:14:58something, has this technology in it,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02it rings the Craigavon PSNI, he turns up, the coppers turn up,
0:15:02 > 0:15:06your man was hammered drunk and they arrested him!
0:15:06 > 0:15:09It is in, this... It's this technology in cars now.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I love the fact of the PSNI, the PSNI, right,
0:15:12 > 0:15:15there's 120 countries affected, thousands of organisations.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17PSNI? Rest assured, the PSNI
0:15:17 > 0:15:21technology department are on the ball.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23All three of them,
0:15:23 > 0:15:25in a cupboard somewhere in headquarters.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28"Ctrl + alt + delete. Ctrl + alt + delete. Ctrl + alt + delete.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30"Sarge, it's still there, Sarge!"
0:15:30 > 0:15:33"Well, you know what to do now..."
0:15:33 > 0:15:36"Sarge, it's still there!" "Turn it off, turn it on."
0:15:36 > 0:15:39"That's it, Sarge, what do you want on your pizza?"
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I believe there is a global problem with this.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Firstly, we are all bombarded with all this technology.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55We are all at risk of being hacked or things stolen from us.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56We live in an age where we've got
0:15:56 > 0:15:59ten times more information coming into us,
0:15:59 > 0:16:02so you would think it would make us ten times more smarter,
0:16:02 > 0:16:03but some of us have just gone...
0:16:04 > 0:16:07So I look at my phone, I think, "I'm going to get rid of this."
0:16:07 > 0:16:10But I can't, because I am on a two-year contract.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15And when that ends, I'll get another two-year contract.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17It's the longest relationship I've ever had.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Thank you. Thank you very much for that.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Yes, indeed, Donald Trump had a busy week.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29He is now embarking on his first foreign trip, or, as it has been
0:16:29 > 0:16:30dubbed, his farewell tour.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Commenting on all the scandals that have enveloped his administration,
0:16:35 > 0:16:40Trump said that no politician in history had been treated more
0:16:40 > 0:16:44unfairly than him. What an insensitive ignoramus.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45Does he just not know that
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Michelle O'Neill was called blonde and attractive?!
0:16:51 > 0:16:53So, what is our next question tonight?
0:16:53 > 0:16:57"Who do you blame for bigotry and intolerance?"
0:16:57 > 0:16:59A landlord in Kent is facing legal
0:16:59 > 0:17:01action for refusing to let properties
0:17:01 > 0:17:06to Indian and Pakistani tenants because of the curry smell.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08And we get upset about the icing on a cake?
0:17:17 > 0:17:21The landlord also banned single parents and people on zero-hours
0:17:21 > 0:17:24contracts. Advocacy group Hope Not Hate say the landlord has set out to
0:17:24 > 0:17:27offend every vulnerable group in Britain,
0:17:27 > 0:17:30although he does appear to have left out blonde politicians.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34But who can we blame for bigotry and intolerance?
0:17:36 > 0:17:37I think we can blame...
0:17:37 > 0:17:41The notion of tolerate, the whole idea of tolerate,
0:17:41 > 0:17:44which in my mind means to put up with...
0:17:44 > 0:17:47As a black man, I do not want people to tolerate me.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Do you know what I mean? And I don't want to tolerate people's behaviour
0:17:50 > 0:17:55towards me, because we now live in a world where if you are blatantly
0:17:55 > 0:17:59racist or you have got some sort of phobia or ism -
0:17:59 > 0:18:03sexism or racism or this kind of stuff -
0:18:03 > 0:18:05then what you now start to do,
0:18:05 > 0:18:07you try and cover it and sugar-coat it,
0:18:07 > 0:18:12and we now see this thing that I now term "casual racism".
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Casual. Not the kind of stopping me in my sports car because I obviously
0:18:15 > 0:18:17stole it, not that kind of stuff.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20I'm talking about the stuff that people say from their perspective
0:18:20 > 0:18:24that they think it's a fair stereotype or it's OK or harmless.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Or it's even positive, like they're doing you a favour.
0:18:27 > 0:18:32Like in my case people say to me that as a 6'2" strapping black guy
0:18:32 > 0:18:35that I must be well endowed and good at sprinting.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Well, I've got to tell you people, when it comes to 100 metres,
0:18:41 > 0:18:42it's nowhere near that long.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49LAUGHTER
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Honestly, the problem for me is that
0:18:56 > 0:18:58if you don't acknowledge casual racism,
0:18:58 > 0:19:01it soon becomes you don't realise you're doing it.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03It becomes acceptable.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Like in my genuine case, and this is not even a joke,
0:19:07 > 0:19:13a staff member's surprise when I go into a chemist and I buy sun cream,
0:19:13 > 0:19:15hair gel and lots of talcum powder.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Or I go into a restaurant
0:19:17 > 0:19:21and the waiter automatically puts the chicken dish in front of me.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25I don't like chicken!
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Or even worse, when I go out late at night and people, get this,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31stop me and ask to buy drugs off me.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Yes. That happens quite a lot.
0:19:35 > 0:19:40If I had £100 for every time somebody asked to buy drugs from me,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43can you imagine the fabulous earrings I could afford?
0:19:45 > 0:19:46I know it's a big minefield.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48You've got the LGBTQ...
0:19:48 > 0:19:50I...XYZ, whatever it's called now.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54It is like somebody has dropped a Scrabble board at a swingers party.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Take your pick! Make love with who you want.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00Gerry got in trouble last year,
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Gerry himself made a tweet and used the N-word when he was describing
0:20:04 > 0:20:07a film he was watching, Django Unchained, and he said...
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Everybody in Northern Ireland, they went, "Gerry used the N-word.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13"You can't use N-word. My God.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16"Why did you use the N-word?" And then they found out what the N-word
0:20:16 > 0:20:18was and went, "Thank God, I thought he said Northern Ireland.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23"Well, that's all right."
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Funny you mention Gerry Adams,
0:20:27 > 0:20:30because a lot of people in England are still just amazed by his voice,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32that he has actually got a voice, because for many,
0:20:32 > 0:20:35many years it was like...
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- The voice of an actor.- The voice of an actor going, "Hello!"
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Yes, that was always my thing.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Why did they do not use proper actors like Shakespearean actors?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48I'm Patrick Stewart and I am doing...
0:20:50 > 0:20:52..I'm Gerry Adams...
0:20:54 > 0:20:59No, my mission is to boldly go where no-one has gone before.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00Tyrone.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06But I've got to say, Tim, as we're talking about tolerance and bigotry,
0:21:06 > 0:21:11I can't be here and not mention the fact that you still haven't got
0:21:11 > 0:21:12same sex marriage.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16No, they don't. They. They.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Don't be blaming me.
0:21:22 > 0:21:28They don't, but I'll take their money.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30I'm quite interested to know what public opinion is.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33So can we just ask the audience by round of applause,
0:21:33 > 0:21:35if you would support same sex marriage?
0:21:35 > 0:21:38CHEERING
0:21:41 > 0:21:43And if you wouldn't?
0:21:44 > 0:21:45SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE
0:21:45 > 0:21:49This is Northern Ireland, you didn't expect that, did you?
0:21:49 > 0:21:52See, in England people would go, "Oh, I'd better not do anything.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54"It'll draw attention to myself."
0:21:54 > 0:21:56But here, people are going...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07That bloody threw me!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Just look at the facts, you know,
0:22:10 > 0:22:13even South Africa has got gay marriage, yeah?
0:22:13 > 0:22:17And they were marginally more racist than you were!
0:22:18 > 0:22:22And, finally, when we had our debate in England about same-sex marriages
0:22:22 > 0:22:27in 2014, one of our far right councillors genuinely said,
0:22:27 > 0:22:29"If we legalise gay marriage,
0:22:29 > 0:22:32"England will be beset by storms and floods."
0:22:36 > 0:22:40And guess what? Last year, we had the worst flood in history.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42So maybe he had a point.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44As we all know, it is written that
0:22:44 > 0:22:46after the flood there comes a rainbow!
0:22:55 > 0:22:56And the gays will inherit the earth.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59And let's be honest, guys,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02you've got some of the best looking men on the planet in Ireland.
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Come on!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06You have!
0:23:06 > 0:23:07- Jamie...- Dornan?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Oh!
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Yeah! And Colin?
0:23:12 > 0:23:13- Farrell?- Oh!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I mean, what a sandwich!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20To me, do you, to me, to you.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Stephen, we don't have that many
0:23:23 > 0:23:25good looking people if you can name them.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32And if we all know who you're talking about, we're mingers.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Yes, thank you very much for that.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Thank you. Onto our next question tonight.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42"Who do you blame for good old-fashioned entertainment?"
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Yes, a huge TV in Derry is to be sold off.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49The TV costs £20,000 a year to run.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Of course, in Belfast it would have cost £20,147,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54as we would have been paid the TV licence.
0:23:59 > 0:24:04And a good old-fashioned fist fight broke out at the Balmoral show.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Apparently it started when a farmer said to another man,
0:24:07 > 0:24:08"Are you looking at my heifer?"
0:24:11 > 0:24:14But who can we blame for good old-fashioned entertainment?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16It is, the old days is happening.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18It is the olden days.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21The computer virus and everything, that's just ruined everything,
0:24:21 > 0:24:24people don't need computers to enjoy themselves.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26The children are going mad for the fudget spinners,
0:24:26 > 0:24:28or the footer wheels as I call them.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32And you cannot get one for love nor money in Derry.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Apparently they are sold out everywhere.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Have you seen them? They are little plastic yolks and you just...
0:24:37 > 0:24:40That is what you do. You just do that with them and all the kids want
0:24:40 > 0:24:43them because one kid had them and went, "I want one of them."
0:24:43 > 0:24:45It always happens, there has always been a craze.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48In the '80s, when I was a kid, there was the spinners.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50They renamed yo-yos spinners.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54And we all went, "That is completely different to a yo-yo, I want one!"
0:24:54 > 0:24:56So all of a sudden, there has always been this sort of thing.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Back in your day it was a cup with a ball.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03You know? It is always something.
0:25:03 > 0:25:08You know, the latest craze.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Do you remember that? Do you remember?
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I do remember! Loads of fun I got with that.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17That screen is...
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- Something like 270 square feet. - What?- That screen.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Will you give over about the screen?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- LAUGHTER - It's 270 square feet!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28The remote control must be massive.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33It must have, like, Irish dancers to change the station.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I reckon that's why they're getting rid of it.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Anybody see a picture of the...
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Some parts of Belfast, entertainment is still robbing tourists.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Did you see the picture, like, the guy got caught?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46There was a guy tried to rob, on a bike,
0:25:46 > 0:25:48and he tried to rob this French tourist.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50- They it was like something from the '50s.- It was.
0:25:50 > 0:25:55So, I know the two guys who jumped in and saved the French tourist.
0:25:55 > 0:25:56You could not make this up.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Ta and Baldy. Two of the ugliest...
0:26:01 > 0:26:02It gets better!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Ta, you'd run. If Ta gets out, you'd run.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08But Baldy? What's Baldy?
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Ex-Foreign Legion.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12He was a French legionnaire.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15He went over, right, didn't only save the French tourist,
0:26:15 > 0:26:17he stole the bike off the robber!
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Your man had to run for his life!
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- And there he turned round... - Is he from here?
0:26:23 > 0:26:26He's from here but he was in the French Foreign Legion.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29He sort of pacified the French tourist in perfect French.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Imagine that French guy back in Paris going,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34"It is the safest place I have ever been.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37"You would not believe. They have legionnaires
0:26:37 > 0:26:41"working on the streets!"
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Excusez-moi, big man, here's your bicycle back.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53There was a slightly weird one
0:26:53 > 0:26:55in East Belfast as well during the week.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00There was a guy, approached a couple of kids, right?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03And, you know, when we were growing up you were always told,
0:27:03 > 0:27:05"Never take sweets from strangers,"
0:27:05 > 0:27:07and, you know, everybody took that on board.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08I don't know if people do that any more.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12But this guy thought people probably know that one so he went up
0:27:12 > 0:27:15to the kids and he said, "Do you want to see a £1 million note?"
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Now, these kids were smart enough to go...
0:27:19 > 0:27:21You know what I mean? Because they thought,
0:27:21 > 0:27:24"If he has £1 million note, why is he in Connswater?"
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Thank you for that. Just time for a quickfire round now. I will read
0:27:31 > 0:27:32newspaper headlines and I want you
0:27:32 > 0:27:35to be faster than Donald Trump into a hall of mirrors.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Just hold it firmly over your husband's face.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Someone just went yes!
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Put in a claim.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Was also a surprise for Peter Andre.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Oh, did you say election or erection?
0:28:21 > 0:28:24That's it, ladies and gentlemen, that's the end of the show.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Please show your appreciation to our panel -
0:28:26 > 0:28:30Colin Murphy, Stephen K Amos, Jake O'Kane and Neil Delamere.
0:28:30 > 0:28:31APPLAUSE
0:28:38 > 0:28:40I'm Tim McGarry.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Until next time, don't blame yourselves, blame each other.
0:28:42 > 0:28:43Goodbye!