:00:05. > :00:29.This programme contains some strong language.
:00:29. > :00:42.APPLAUSE Hello and welcome to The Blame Game,
:00:42. > :00:47.so that does to the news that a painting by Michael stoned us to
:00:47. > :00:55.art. Yes, we have more last than Keith
:00:56. > :00:57.Gillespie has beaten dogs. I am Tim McGarry and her thoroughbred
:00:57. > :01:10.panellists are Colin Murphy, Neil Delamere and Jake O'Kane. Our
:01:10. > :01:15.special guest tonight is a move from the South, now, it is not Conal
:01:15. > :01:19.McFeely at, we could afford to hire him but he could not afford to hire
:01:19. > :01:25.his way to do his research as well. We have gone for a top-class
:01:25. > :01:42.comedian, described as a ball of energy. Please welcome, Mr Pelle
:01:42. > :01:46.Toshi. -- Bernard O'Shea. We are excited because David Cameron
:01:46. > :01:56.is in town. I am sure he is watching, welcome David.
:01:56. > :01:59.On with the show, the audience asks the questions and our panel provides
:01:59. > :02:04.unreliable answers. What questions do we have from the audience? Who do
:02:04. > :02:11.you blame for unwonted tourists? The do we have from the audience? Who do
:02:11. > :02:15.number of medical cards in Northern Ireland exceeds the total population
:02:15. > :02:18.by 80,000. It raises questions about whether our health service is being
:02:18. > :02:28.abused by so-called health tourists humming from the public.
:02:28. > :02:36.Southerners, coming here... Southerners coming up here to our
:02:36. > :02:41.health service. God, how bad must be system be! Can I say to our friends
:02:41. > :02:48.in the South, if you want to join the United Kingdom, just ask! I am
:02:48. > :02:52.sure it can be arranged. A guidebook has been issued this week to Chinese
:02:52. > :02:56.tourists telling them how to behave once abroad. Apparently Chinese
:02:56. > :03:01.tourists can be pushy, rude and offensive. Well, then, come to
:03:01. > :03:04.Northern Ireland, no one will notice.
:03:04. > :03:10.But who can be blamed for unwonted tourists. There is a 60 page booklet
:03:10. > :03:16.for Chinese tourists when they go abroad. The Executive have opened
:03:16. > :03:23.our own office in Beijing. We have representation in Beijing. There's
:03:23. > :03:32.well have two words, "say nothing!" Just say nothing! But there are
:03:32. > :03:38.80,000 who have come up here! 80,000! They have come up here and
:03:38. > :03:44.taking our hospital beds. In some parts of Donegal they are seeing,
:03:44. > :04:02.Mary, are you going to words, now I am going to Donnie gal.
:04:02. > :04:08.That everything is lovely. They are trying to get tourists into Northern
:04:08. > :04:14.Ireland. The free Derry Museum is going to do an extension. £2
:04:14. > :04:20.million, the lottery heritage fund is giving them the money. But Arlene
:04:20. > :04:26.Foster will not sign off, the Enterprise Minister, who is the DUP.
:04:26. > :04:32.It is a symptom that the DUP ministers sometimes have. It is
:04:33. > :04:50.known as writers cramp. Arlene Foster hazard. It is that thing,
:04:50. > :04:55.seniors, it cannot work. You have no proof that the 80,000
:04:55. > :05:03.people are Southerners. You are correct to blame Southerners, as a
:05:03. > :05:11.long-time resident of newly... Let us be honest, we as Southerners, we
:05:11. > :05:16.do not come up here to individual health services. We come to shop at
:05:16. > :05:19.Asda and go bankrupt. It is amazing that that is the implication that
:05:19. > :05:29.the Southerners come to use the health service... It is, it is!
:05:29. > :05:36.Irish emigration in the past used to be a good thing. Now it is all about
:05:36. > :05:48.going to from an for a prostate exam! -- Fermanagh.
:05:48. > :06:01.going to from an for a prostate They used to say the streets were
:06:01. > :06:07.paved with the medicine. But how will be smuggled drugs back
:06:07. > :06:21.across the border? I do not know, but there are couple of girls in
:06:21. > :06:30.Peru! There is one house in Armagh for that one address that has lots
:06:31. > :06:38.of beds. There are 20,000 extra medical cards in Derry. EasyJet do
:06:38. > :06:42.not want to take your bags any more. medical cards in Derry. EasyJet do
:06:42. > :06:49.They say it is too big. They are medical cards in Derry. EasyJet do
:06:49. > :06:56.leaving the passengers behind, 30 passengers were left behind on the
:06:56. > :06:59.tarmac in Malaga. The lunatics online who said what is the best
:06:59. > :07:11.seats to pick in an event of an accident, I'm sitting in row 14,
:07:11. > :07:17.I'll be all right. A plane does not reverse into anything. They say
:07:17. > :07:22.everyone wants as an emergency exit seat. You get the extra legroom.
:07:22. > :07:24.This American guy said on a flight, have you ever opened the emergency
:07:24. > :07:33.door on an Airbus? I said no, have you ever opened the emergency
:07:33. > :07:38.because I am here! Remember I was saying to you before that I poked
:07:38. > :07:43.myself in the eyes which weakens a little bit of your eyeball, what
:07:43. > :07:51.happened in Scotland, the second time it happened it was in high
:07:51. > :07:58.Wycombe. My body now -- it knows that it is free. One voice will say
:07:58. > :08:04.that is really sore and the other one will say can you make it! There
:08:04. > :08:05.are bits hanging off of me and another voice saying, "stay with it,
:08:05. > :08:13.are bits hanging off of me and stay with it." You can just imagine
:08:13. > :08:25.doctors from the NHS kicking you back over! Where am I? I am in
:08:25. > :08:32.Donnie gal, what is that mean? Our next question is, who did you
:08:32. > :08:35.blame for a lack of imagination. A painting of two women kissing has
:08:35. > :08:40.been withdrawn from an art exhibition in the Ulster Museum. The
:08:40. > :08:45.artist express apprised and said I'd take it you do not want my other
:08:45. > :08:53.paintings? Two guys trying to give blood. We are very sensitive about
:08:53. > :08:59.art in Northern Ireland, except at Trudell Avenue were guests lasted a
:08:59. > :09:07.art in Northern Ireland, except at painting by Michael Stones is
:09:07. > :09:12.serving 700 years in jail. He could actually get out for good behaviour
:09:12. > :09:17.and by good behaviour I mean if he stops bloody painting. But who could
:09:17. > :09:30.be blamed for a lack of the pagination? -- lack of imagination.
:09:30. > :09:35.This painting has been taken down. There is an exhibition every year
:09:35. > :09:38.that includes members of the Royal Academy. The select all of these
:09:38. > :09:43.paintings and this one got through to the final. When they started to
:09:43. > :09:50.hang the exhibition they thought it was dodgy, two women kissing each
:09:50. > :09:59.other. I have not seen a picture, I do not know at the our naked or not.
:09:59. > :10:05.There is nothing the Belfast Telegraph likes more than putting
:10:05. > :10:09.something like that in its paper. So there was a suggestion that this
:10:09. > :10:12.painting should be put in a separate part of the museum with a sign
:10:12. > :10:14.saying you are entering the forbidden zone, in an attempt to put
:10:14. > :10:18.saying you are entering the people off. That would only attract
:10:18. > :10:22.people. If that had been done there would have been more people than
:10:22. > :10:28.ever before at this exhibition. School groups, 12 and 13-year-old
:10:29. > :10:35.boys, that is not going to attract them in this light is, is it? Two
:10:35. > :10:39.women kissing them? That is not going to frighten them at all. Due
:10:39. > :10:40.women kissing them? That is not to not know the relationship between
:10:40. > :10:47.these two women. A man and the women to not know the relationship between
:10:47. > :10:51.kissing, that is deemed appropriate. They could be brother and sister, do
:10:51. > :10:59.you do not know the background. The Michael Stones thing, they are half
:10:59. > :11:02.wing of his picture. People are wanting it in numbers. The Orange
:11:03. > :11:06.Order are doing the speech. It was announced that they would be selling
:11:06. > :11:13.raffle tickets for this. The painting again has two women and
:11:13. > :11:21.it, not kissing. They are stealing and seeing what a beautiful flag.
:11:21. > :11:28.Two women staring at a flag, the hair of the women represents the
:11:28. > :11:29.people. Not the women. It is the hair that represents the people,
:11:29. > :11:40.very thick hair. They are represents the people of Trudell
:11:40. > :11:48.Avenue. Now, it represents the United Kingdom. He is selling this
:11:48. > :11:53.thing, raffle tickets and people are interested. I would love to be at
:11:53. > :12:12.that raffle, you know it is an Orange ticket. 1690. I would love to
:12:12. > :12:18.win that painting. Leave it a couple of years, go on the Antiques
:12:18. > :12:21.Roadshow. You would queue for ages and ages and get some dude in a
:12:21. > :12:27.decade well with a little cardigan and ages and get some dude in a
:12:27. > :12:36.and he would go, " is there a story behind this painting?" "Well, I do
:12:36. > :12:42.not know if you know about the city and the flag issue..." Can you
:12:42. > :12:49.describe who is Michael Stones to me, this will sound terrible, I do
:12:49. > :12:54.not know who he is. Do you not revolving doors? Have you ever seen
:12:54. > :13:08.a picture of a guy in a revolving door going round and round? He has
:13:08. > :13:14.not been sentenced to 700 years, they have just let a revolving door
:13:14. > :13:37.going at Asda. And he is an artist now? Yes. Is he getting at? William
:13:37. > :13:44.Humphries, our local DUP member who is complaining because the
:13:44. > :13:49.Protestant people are not finding the theatre attractive. It is a cold
:13:49. > :13:53.house for the Protestant people. The interview said what is the last play
:13:53. > :13:57.you went to see. He said, I cannot remember. What was the last and you
:13:58. > :14:03.went to see? He said, I cannot remember. He is saying that
:14:03. > :14:07.Protestant working-class are not going to the theatre in. They are
:14:07. > :14:19.not going to the MAC and places like that. So, who is going? Is it full
:14:19. > :14:26.of Catholics? There is a tremendous sense of show business about
:14:26. > :14:30.Catholicism. Catholics go to Mars, there is dressing up, you get
:14:30. > :14:40.involved in the show, there is small, dry case! Can. Mark you know,
:14:40. > :14:45.it is great. There is lots of great theatre here, the only thing I was
:14:45. > :14:57.ever at was opera at the Belfast Opera house. It was Le Vell, old
:14:57. > :15:00.fellow. It is full of old people who I thought would get offended by
:15:00. > :15:09.people turning up in normal clothes. I could not have been more right.
:15:09. > :15:21.They hated it, that they were all dressed up to the nines. There were
:15:21. > :15:24.lots of people and lots of cast dressed up to the nines. There were
:15:25. > :15:28.members and the orchestra was underground. They were having a
:15:28. > :15:32.members and the orchestra was great time. I knew what to expect
:15:33. > :15:34.because my father had been there. There was a translation of what had
:15:34. > :15:39.because my father had been there. been sunk. I brought my friend
:15:39. > :15:40.Michael who is not the greatest man in the world and when the
:15:40. > :15:53.Michael who is not the greatest man translation came up I thought it was
:15:53. > :15:55.karaoke. There were a couple of creativity things this week. And
:15:55. > :16:00.ministers said all the bomb creativity things this week. And
:16:00. > :16:04.ministers said all the hoaxes, he described them as, we have seen it
:16:04. > :16:09.all before and it shows a lack of creativity. That is what he said, a
:16:09. > :16:20.lack of imagination! Bomb hoaxes? Roaring! -- boring. He wants to
:16:20. > :16:27.create bomb hoaxes. I would plant a bomb in a robot. The army robots
:16:27. > :16:38.would have two come and attack the sake robot. It would look like robot
:16:38. > :16:46.wars. That is crazy! I would pay £12 to see that! I would come up and get
:16:46. > :16:52.my teeth done and see that! Ring the police and say, there is a suspect
:16:52. > :17:00.fish outside the local. They would be a macro lying outside. They would
:17:00. > :17:06.have to blow up the fish. You would have to use a clown fish. Just so
:17:06. > :17:17.they would say, we are currently searching for Nemo! London Fire
:17:17. > :17:24.Brigade rescued a man who got his penis stuck in a toaster! I have no
:17:24. > :17:32.idea. Don't pretend you have not done it! We have all been there. I
:17:32. > :17:38.should say, it was his own toaster! I reckon he broadly just overheard
:17:38. > :17:47.his friend saying, I would really want to shag ArtPop tart. He got his
:17:47. > :17:58.penis stuck in it and I want to know what he said, I was trying to get
:17:58. > :18:03.some bread out of the toaster. I cannot understand, he got his penis
:18:03. > :18:11.stuck in the toaster. I don't know what setting it was on. Defrost, you
:18:11. > :18:16.would start low, wouldn't you with Mac so, he got it stuck and he rang
:18:16. > :18:23.the Fire Brigade. They arrive with the sirens blaring. I would ring
:18:23. > :18:35.somebody with no sirens. I would ring the AF. One fireman said to the
:18:35. > :18:47.other, I am going to have to take the helmet. Isn't it strange that
:18:47. > :18:52.other, I am going to have to take somebody would want to bid their
:18:52. > :19:05.woolly in a toaster! My toaster does not have a baguette setting! There
:19:05. > :19:13.was another story this week, about libido and how women wear socks in
:19:13. > :19:21.bed. We have to be very careful. The story was, they did this research
:19:21. > :19:31.and if women wear socks in bed, then during the special hugs, they will
:19:31. > :19:42.get as far as Donegal. Do you know what I mean? At the moment, some of
:19:42. > :19:44.them are only getting to Dungiven! Would they get as far as Martha in
:19:44. > :19:54.Donegal? Yes, thank you very much Would they get as far as Martha in
:19:54. > :19:58.for that. Wearing socks in bed apparently does increase libido but
:19:58. > :20:02.people who watch television in bed made love less often. If you're
:20:02. > :20:08.currently watching, enjoy this, is the only fun you're getting tonight.
:20:08. > :20:13.Who do you blame for grumpy celebrities? There has been a
:20:13. > :20:18.celebrity spat between Sinead O'Connor and Miley Cyrus. Miley
:20:18. > :20:26.Cyrus is famous for playing Hannah Montana. Also dancing
:20:26. > :20:29.provocatively. If you want to see how it is done, by Jacob King's Lynn
:20:29. > :20:35.provocatively. If you want to see latest DVD. Bob Geldof has claimed
:20:35. > :20:41.that the world will end by the year 2030 which is a real shame because
:20:41. > :20:48.it means we will all miss the end of the talks by Richard Haas. Who can
:20:48. > :20:57.we blame for grumpy celebrities? Miley Cyrus was asked, was your
:20:57. > :21:06.video and homage to Sinead O'Connor? Exception O'Connor was not
:21:06. > :21:11.swinging around or licking a hammer! She was the king a sledgehammer
:21:11. > :21:15.which we all know, you get through the site for. That is a health and
:21:15. > :21:27.safety violation. She had no high visibility jacket, no safety
:21:27. > :21:45.goggles, it was ridiculous! So Sinead O'Connor rose to my Lisa
:21:45. > :21:51.Harris -- Miley Farris. So she said the music industry is sexualising
:21:51. > :21:57.her because she got naked in the video and was sitting on a wrecking
:21:57. > :21:59.ball and she is right, that would not have happened 20 years ago. Her
:21:59. > :22:06.dad was not pictured scraping the not have happened 20 years ago. Her
:22:06. > :22:20.cholesterol in his song, a keep Ricky Hart. The guy who wrote the
:22:20. > :22:32.film, gravity. What is it about? George Clooney is in it. It is a bit
:22:32. > :22:36.heavy, you would not like it. He complained and said, this would not
:22:36. > :22:47.happen, that is bad science. She thinks that is science. He is the
:22:47. > :22:53.kind of guy who watches ET and says, there are no lights on that bike,
:22:53. > :23:03.that is a disgrace. I don't want to look at a porn film and say, I don't
:23:03. > :23:11.think he is a qualified plumber! There were grumpy celebrities this
:23:11. > :23:18.week and Miley Cyrus, I am delighted to say I am too old to care who she
:23:18. > :23:32.is and two young to care about Operation Yewtree. What is Operation
:23:32. > :23:38.Yewtree? I have an image of you and uncle Andy being dragged into
:23:38. > :23:42.questioning? Summit will have to explain it to me? We could tell you
:23:43. > :23:50.questioning? Summit will have to but it would ruin your childhood. We
:23:50. > :24:00.will tell you afterwards. Can you also explain to Adele Avenue? What
:24:00. > :24:08.is it? Jake will bring you up there after the show! It sounds so cool.
:24:08. > :24:18.It is sort of a music festival. after the show! It sounds so cool.
:24:18. > :24:27.There as well. There is a campsite. There are raffles there, they are up
:24:27. > :24:34.all night. I know hotels I can check into? It is a lot like hotel
:24:34. > :24:45.California, you can check-in any time but you can never leave! Who do
:24:45. > :24:49.you blame for bad energy? The National Grid have said this week
:24:49. > :24:57.that we could be facing a winter of electricity blackouts. Imagine
:24:57. > :25:00.that! Now light, now Internet, the collapse of civilisation as we know
:25:00. > :25:07.it. On the plus side, this woman would be off the air. Talking of
:25:07. > :25:13.energy, a disgruntled worker in Rolls-Royce has repeatedly smeared
:25:13. > :25:17.excrement inside the new turbine engines. Bosses at the factory say
:25:17. > :25:22.they have no idea who did it but they are keeping a close eye on the
:25:22. > :25:37.Irish guy who spent time in the Maze prison in the late 1970s. Who can we
:25:37. > :25:42.blame for bad energy? My mother, because I love her but she is one of
:25:42. > :25:46.these women that gets up when we are going to bed and plugs out
:25:46. > :25:53.everything in the house because it'll all go on fire. She cannot go
:25:53. > :26:01.to sleep until it is all out. She is not going to be around if I am ever
:26:01. > :26:05.on a life-support machine. I also blame polar bears and penguins
:26:05. > :26:09.because we now care more about them than we do about electricity. People
:26:09. > :26:14.are worried about polar bears and global warming and I think it is
:26:14. > :26:22.because girls see polar bears as cuddly. It would rip the face of
:26:22. > :26:29.the! Penguins, they have made their own film. If they can hold up a
:26:29. > :26:30.camera and get the lighting right in the article, they can plug in a
:26:30. > :26:39.fridge! Why don't you have a wind the article, they can plug in a
:26:39. > :26:45.turbine on the City Hall and tidy union flag to one part and an Irish
:26:45. > :26:54.triple flag on the other side. We are upset, but are not upset. That
:26:55. > :26:59.is genius! Somebody filmed Richard Haas, we have it sorted! 90 very
:26:59. > :27:05.much for that. Our quickfire round now. Easy Brit headlines and I want
:27:05. > :27:13.you to be quicker than a care worker visiting my granny! That is the
:27:13. > :27:24.worst one you have heard tonight? A step too far. They just don't
:27:25. > :27:38.believe your granny is still alive! Southerners! Peru to our full of
:27:38. > :27:42.beans. Make the change from cocaine. We must warn about dangers of
:27:42. > :27:59.looking at online porn. Look at your door! Adams found guilty. Which one!
:27:59. > :28:08.Family buys house for £1 in Liverpool. Amid complaints they are
:28:08. > :28:14.driving up the price of a local. Have a drink or visit the toilet.
:28:14. > :28:24.Lan Bosman what is on guide is published. No automatic release of
:28:24. > :28:32.terrorists. Stormont cuts back on MLA holidays. That's it, that is the
:28:32. > :28:44.end of the show, please assure your appreciation for our guests. I am
:28:44. > :28:45.Tim McGarry, until next week, do not blame yourselves, blame each other!
:28:45. > :28:53.Goodbye.