0:18:43 > 0:18:50This programme contains some strong language.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Hello!
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Hello, and welcome to The Blame Game,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21the show with more laughs than alcoholic drinks
0:19:21 > 0:19:23at a DUP retirement party.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27I'm Tim McGarry, and our regular panellists are, of course,
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Colin Murphy, Jake O'Kane and Neil Delamere!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:36 > 0:19:38And our special guest tonight
0:19:38 > 0:19:40won the Leicester Square Comedian of the Year,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43and the Amused Moose Laugh-Off Award.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45You've seen him on the John Bishop Show,
0:19:45 > 0:19:47and he's about to fly out to Australia
0:19:47 > 0:19:49to be a regular on ITV2's I'm a Celebrity...
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Get Me Out Of Here NOW!
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Please welcome the fabulous Funmbi Omotayo!
0:19:56 > 0:19:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Funmbi's full name is actually
0:20:05 > 0:20:09Olufunmbi Adedeji Oluwatosin Omotayo,
0:20:09 > 0:20:13better known as the man airlines love to see coming!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17One letter out of place on its flight details
0:20:17 > 0:20:19and that's 100 quid to you, mate!
0:20:19 > 0:20:22And a special hello tonight to Peter Robinson.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Yes, Peter is retiring
0:20:24 > 0:20:28and will now spend more time at home, doing normal things.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30The Muslim man who normally goes to the shop for him
0:20:30 > 0:20:32is said to be delighted.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41Peter is retiring because he wants to spend more time with his Nama...
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Family! Sorry, family!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Not Nama. No, no, no.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51Peter, can I just say that, unlike a lot of the lying,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54cynical politicians who pretend that they're sorry to see you go,
0:20:54 > 0:20:58the comedians of Northern Ireland will genuinely miss you.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Still, we'll always have Irisgate.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Now, on with the show!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12The audience ask the questions and our panel provide
0:21:12 > 0:21:15some very unreliable answers, so what is our first question?
0:21:15 > 0:21:16"Who's to blame for Tim McGarry
0:21:16 > 0:21:19"wearing an old crappy T-shirt for the radio show,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22"and dressing like a Burton's dummy for TV?"
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Says Frank in Limavaddy.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Frank, stand up. Let's see what you're wearing!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33"Who's to blame for my husband being so good in bed?"
0:21:41 > 0:21:45She gave her name and all. Gemma McClure...
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Is it written in a man's handwriting?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54So, what's our first question tonight?
0:21:54 > 0:21:59"Who do you blame for Northern Ireland's fresh start?"
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Now, I don't want to blow our own trumpet,
0:22:01 > 0:22:04but there were ten weeks of intensive talks, and nothing.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Three days after the first radio broadcast of The Blame Game,
0:22:07 > 0:22:10and suddenly there's an agreement.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13After our first show, the SDLP got a new leader,
0:22:13 > 0:22:16and now the DUP are changing leader.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18And if anyone from Sinn Fein is watching, getting a new leader
0:22:18 > 0:22:21is something normal political parties do all the time(!)
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Under the Fresh Start agreement,
0:22:33 > 0:22:38£160 million of extra funding is going to the police.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Great news for the chip shops of Northern Ireland.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47So, the crisis is over but who can we blame for our fresh start?
0:22:47 > 0:22:49It's never over!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51The crisis here is never over.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53We live in a continual crisis.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57It's so bad, we have invented a new phrase - crisis fatigue.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00I'm just sick of it! I'm sick of it!
0:23:00 > 0:23:03It started at the start of the year with welfare cuts.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04They could have been separated apart.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07DUP... DUP? "Oh, yes, bring them all in!
0:23:07 > 0:23:10"We have no working class. Bring them all in. That's fine!"
0:23:10 > 0:23:13There's wee Marty, "None! Ever! Never! Not in a thousand years.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15"Can never have any cuts." Two murders in Belfast.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Chief constable turns up on TV.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20He's going, "Yes, there were IRA members involved
0:23:20 > 0:23:22"but the IRA ceasefire still stands."
0:23:22 > 0:23:24What?!
0:23:24 > 0:23:28Then he panics, and arrests anybody he can find, right?
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Just anyone who watched Spotlight from the night before.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Arrested everybody who was on Spotlight.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37Bobby Storey, the chairman of Sinn Fein in Northern Ireland,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39was arrested, and Bobby, you may remember,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42made a wonderful speech when Gerry Adams was arrested last year.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45They all get arrested every year. So, Gerry was arrested.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48When Gerry was arrested last year, Bobby, on the Falls Road,
0:23:48 > 0:23:50in the mode of Martin Luther King,
0:23:50 > 0:23:52and I quote Bobby's speech.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54"How dare they...
0:23:54 > 0:23:57"How dare they touch our leader?!"
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Two days in Antrim Serious Crime,
0:24:02 > 0:24:06he's brought out to a press conference. Changed Bobby!
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Now it's, "The chief constable thinks that the IRA
0:24:10 > 0:24:13"is like a caterpillar,
0:24:13 > 0:24:17"but we know it has become a butterfly and flown away!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19"Flap-flap! Flap-flap!"
0:24:23 > 0:24:25I don't know if he's in the IRA or not,
0:24:25 > 0:24:28but they should have drug-tested him there and then!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30So, of course, Mike Nesbitt sees a chance.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32He sprints to the exit in Stormont
0:24:32 > 0:24:35before wee Robinson's got a chance to put his runners on.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Robinson's sitting there, going, "That's what we do."
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Is Robinson caught?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42No! Not Peter!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44He's like a Bond super-villain.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47He's sitting in his office, stroking Arlene Foster!
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Doesn't he? He's stroking Arlene.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54So, he puts Arlene in charge.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57He steps aside, doesn't resign. Puts Arlene in charge.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59He says it's his gatekeeper. It wasn't a gatekeeper.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01It was guard dog!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03His last words to Arlene were "stay", "sit", "good girl",
0:25:03 > 0:25:05"sit, sit, stay".
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Cos Arlene said her job there
0:25:08 > 0:25:11was to make sure the Fenians didn't get at the money.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Arlene was there... "Ar-rr-rrgh! "Arr-rrgh!"
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Wee McGuinness comes over. "Argh-argh-ay!"
0:25:17 > 0:25:21"She bit me, Gerry. She bit me! She bit me, Gerry."
0:25:21 > 0:25:22So, Theresa Villiers...
0:25:22 > 0:25:25"I'd Rather Be Anywhere Than Here" Theresa Villiers brings in a panel
0:25:25 > 0:25:27to investigate the paramilitaries,
0:25:27 > 0:25:31even though we have MI5, MI6, the chief constable sitting there.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34No, she brings in a panel who, six weeks later, come back and report.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Shocked! SHOCKED to the core, I was!
0:25:38 > 0:25:45Turns out them young, shaven-headed, tattooed, steroid-enhanced young men
0:25:45 > 0:25:47driving top-of-the-range cars in loyalist areas
0:25:47 > 0:25:49aren't community workers!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53They're not community workers!
0:25:56 > 0:26:00They're paramilitary drug dealers! Who knew(?)
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Worse! WORSE!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04The IRA haven't gone away!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Gerry Adams is sitting at home going,
0:26:07 > 0:26:10"Well, I could have told them that for nothing."
0:26:10 > 0:26:12So, Cameron gets browned off.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Cameron called McGuinness and Robinson over to Downing Street
0:26:16 > 0:26:19and sat them down and said, "Right, chaps. OK. Right, OK.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21"You read in the papers what I did to the pig.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24"Well, I'll do the same to you if you don't agree!"
0:26:24 > 0:26:27That and £500 million! That's all it took.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28That and £500 million!
0:26:28 > 0:26:31"Go away, behave, there's your money. Go away!"
0:26:31 > 0:26:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Are you all right, now you've got that off your chest?
0:26:40 > 0:26:44This may be comedy for you, but it's therapy for me!
0:26:44 > 0:26:46It's like the fucking Nolan Show...
0:26:48 > 0:26:50So, the other point about that is,
0:26:50 > 0:26:53the look on Funmbi's face! He's going, "What the..."
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Ohh... You don't want to know, Funmbi, you don't want to know.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- Fresh Start...- Yeah?- Fresh Start sounds like a panty liner!
0:27:03 > 0:27:04It does.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08I don't care what anybody says.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10I have images of Peter Robinson and Martin McGuinness
0:27:10 > 0:27:13in white trousers, rollerblading, just going,
0:27:13 > 0:27:17"Mother Nature, we don't have time for you - we've got Stormont to run!
0:27:17 > 0:27:18"Mmm!
0:27:18 > 0:27:22"Fresh start for politicians who LEAK to the media!"
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Does any of this make any sense to you? Have you understood...?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Because it's your first time in Northern Ireland.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35People here don't realise sometimes the rest of the UK
0:27:35 > 0:27:37doesn't give a flying...about us.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39You don't know any of our politicians.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- Do you like your own politicians? - I just wanted to let you guys know
0:27:42 > 0:27:45we definitely don't give a flying...
0:27:45 > 0:27:47I'm not into politics myself
0:27:47 > 0:27:50but, yeah, this is an interesting conversation.
0:27:50 > 0:27:51We should move on!
0:27:55 > 0:27:57That's... That...
0:27:58 > 0:28:01That is exactly, word for word... What Funmbi just said there
0:28:01 > 0:28:05is exactly what Theresa Villiers said at the meeting.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Thank you for that. So, what's our next question tonight?
0:28:08 > 0:28:11"Who do you blame for stereotypes?"
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Yes, I'm afraid, in Northern Ireland,
0:28:13 > 0:28:16we often indulge in sectarian stereotypes.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Not all of us, obviously.
0:28:18 > 0:28:19I mean, Catholics don't.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27But only because they're too lazy.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30But who can we blame for stereotypes?
0:28:30 > 0:28:33Finally, something I care about!
0:28:33 > 0:28:34OK.
0:28:34 > 0:28:38I think everyone's to blame for stereotypes, right?
0:28:38 > 0:28:42I'm from London, and I get boxed to be Nigerian,
0:28:42 > 0:28:44cos I've got a traditional name and I'm black,
0:28:44 > 0:28:47so people tend to think I'm Nigerian,
0:28:47 > 0:28:50but my allegiance just wavers, depending on what's going on,
0:28:50 > 0:28:53to be honest with you. I'll give you guys an example.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56When England got knocked out of the World Cup in the group stages,
0:28:56 > 0:29:00and Nigeria advanced, I'm Nigerian, right?
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Last year's outbreak of Ebola...
0:29:03 > 0:29:06I'm British! So, you know...
0:29:06 > 0:29:08You just can't...
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Yeah...
0:29:12 > 0:29:15So, you know, stereotypes just don't work sometimes.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17The police, that's another example.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20They tend to use stereotypes to stop people.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23I have had good moments with the police force.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26I don't want to make it seem like they're all bad.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28I had a flat tyre once, and the police pulled up.
0:29:28 > 0:29:32At first I'm thinking, "Oh, my God! I really hope they don't think
0:29:32 > 0:29:34"I'm trying to steal this tyre!"
0:29:34 > 0:29:36But they were very helpful.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39They said, "Do you need some help, sir?" I said, "Yes, please."
0:29:39 > 0:29:43And they helped me change the tyre, and we had a moment, you know?
0:29:43 > 0:29:45But just as they were about to leave,
0:29:45 > 0:29:47one of the officers just had to ruin it, right?
0:29:47 > 0:29:50Cos I said, "Hey, guys, thank you so much."
0:29:50 > 0:29:53And he said, "Yeah! Tell your friends we're not all that bad."
0:29:58 > 0:30:00I was like, "Really(?)
0:30:00 > 0:30:04"How about you tell YOUR friends WE'RE not all that bad!"
0:30:05 > 0:30:06Yeah!
0:30:08 > 0:30:13You know, I was so upset cos he ruined a moment, you know?
0:30:13 > 0:30:16I wanted to give this officer a piece of my mind,
0:30:16 > 0:30:18but I didn't have insurance so I said,
0:30:18 > 0:30:22"Yeah, I'll...I'll pass that message on!"
0:30:22 > 0:30:25Yeah. I think we're all to blame for stereotypes.
0:30:25 > 0:30:27But sometimes they work.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29Like during the Olympics, for instance.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31I remember I was watching the 100 metres final,
0:30:31 > 0:30:34which is my favourite event, and I was supporting Usain Bolt.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37I told my white friend this before the event, he gets very offended.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40He was like, "Why are you supporting Usain Bolt?
0:30:40 > 0:30:42"He's not British or Nigerian!
0:30:42 > 0:30:45"You only support him cos he's black."
0:30:45 > 0:30:49I was like, "Dude, it's the 100 metres final.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51"They are all black!"
0:30:57 > 0:31:00That's how you decide to back somebody in the 100 metres.
0:31:00 > 0:31:04- How do you decide?- In what? - Say, in the 100 metres race.
0:31:04 > 0:31:05Cos I'll tell you how my mother does it.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08She looks at the 100 metres, the line-up of the 100 metres.
0:31:08 > 0:31:11There's no Irish lads, oddly enough(!)
0:31:11 > 0:31:13So she'll sit there and wait and wait
0:31:13 > 0:31:15and she'll go, "Him!" And I say, "Him? Why him?"
0:31:15 > 0:31:17"The fella who blessed himself!"
0:31:20 > 0:31:22That's what my mother does.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Sometimes, they don't work, because...
0:31:26 > 0:31:29I'm from a rough part of London, called Hackney.
0:31:29 > 0:31:31It's very "ghetto". But I am not ghetto myself.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34People assume, cos I'm big, that I might be ghetto,
0:31:34 > 0:31:36but I'm not, cos I smile too much!
0:31:36 > 0:31:39That just ruins the whole experience.
0:31:39 > 0:31:42Especially when you're trying to be hard.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44All of a sudden, a little...
0:31:46 > 0:31:50It never works. So, yeah... It doesn't happen.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52In the England-France match,
0:31:52 > 0:31:55that was when everybody sang La Marseillaise,
0:31:55 > 0:31:57that was very good, that was brilliant,
0:31:57 > 0:32:00but then, you would have thought they would have let them win,
0:32:00 > 0:32:02do you know what I mean?
0:32:02 > 0:32:05After all they've been through, you'd think, "Just let them win!"
0:32:05 > 0:32:08England went, "No, we're going to bloody win. Wa-a-ay!"
0:32:08 > 0:32:09And you know...argh...
0:32:09 > 0:32:12You were saying earlier, we were talking about this...
0:32:12 > 0:32:14I thought, not only did they win
0:32:14 > 0:32:17but they were celebrating the goals as well.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19Have we forgotten what's going on?
0:32:19 > 0:32:23The one time that we all wanted England to lose, they won.
0:32:23 > 0:32:25- No, no, no.- No, no, no.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29Wrong show, wrong show. I do apologise.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31What is going to happen in Northern Ireland
0:32:31 > 0:32:34if they play Ireland in the European?
0:32:34 > 0:32:37I'm going to be torn. I will admit, I will be torn.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40Torn limb from limb.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43- You know what I mean. - It's an all-Ireland final!
0:32:52 > 0:32:54But we do have some racism here.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56There is a lot of crap now about refugees coming here,
0:32:56 > 0:32:59and somebody in Derry started a petition
0:32:59 > 0:33:00to stop Eamonn McCann...
0:33:00 > 0:33:03Eamonn McCann, the socialist politician,
0:33:03 > 0:33:05wants to make refugees welcome in Derry,
0:33:05 > 0:33:07and somebody has a petition to stop them coming here.
0:33:07 > 0:33:12Imagine that! Someone coming over the border into Northern Ireland
0:33:12 > 0:33:14and taking one of your jobs. I mean...
0:33:16 > 0:33:19I think it's great and should be welcomed.
0:33:19 > 0:33:23I kind of sympathise with some people because I'm from Hackney
0:33:23 > 0:33:26and it's gentrified now, so you come to Hackney now,
0:33:26 > 0:33:29it's all the white people walking around freely,
0:33:29 > 0:33:31and it's beautiful.
0:33:31 > 0:33:32I came out the station the other day
0:33:32 > 0:33:34and this white guy offered me drugs.
0:33:34 > 0:33:35Yeah!
0:33:35 > 0:33:37It threw me off completely.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41He just came up, "Hey! Do you want some weed?"
0:33:41 > 0:33:43I was really offended at first,
0:33:43 > 0:33:45because I was thinking look at him thinking,
0:33:45 > 0:33:47"Look at these white boys coming into our neighbourhoods,
0:33:47 > 0:33:50"taking our jobs.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53"I am going to have to vote for Ukip."
0:33:53 > 0:33:58How desperate do you have to be to flee Syria,
0:33:58 > 0:34:01get in a wee boat, go across that sea,
0:34:01 > 0:34:03risk your life, get to Italy,
0:34:03 > 0:34:06travel through Europe, get to France
0:34:06 > 0:34:07and then they send you to Derry?
0:34:10 > 0:34:12As if these people haven't got enough to cope with.
0:34:12 > 0:34:15They are from a war-torn area,
0:34:15 > 0:34:18they've been discriminated against for most of their lives,
0:34:18 > 0:34:20and now they have to welcome people from Syria.
0:34:29 > 0:34:30Thank you very much for that.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33It's true, Funmbi is part Nigerian and part English,
0:34:33 > 0:34:36and we in Northern Ireland know how that feels.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39For instance, I was delighted to see the Northern Ireland football team
0:34:39 > 0:34:41qualify for the Euros,
0:34:41 > 0:34:44but I actually went to Dublin to see the Republic on Monday night,
0:34:44 > 0:34:46and I did that for deeply held ideological reasons -
0:34:46 > 0:34:48I got the tickets for nothing.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52So - "Who's to blame for the Christmas market
0:34:52 > 0:34:54"having the same stalls every year?"
0:34:54 > 0:34:56Wilhelm from Holland...
0:35:01 > 0:35:03Welcome!
0:35:03 > 0:35:04How's business?
0:35:05 > 0:35:07The next question tonight -
0:35:07 > 0:35:11"who do you blame for reckless photographers?"
0:35:11 > 0:35:14Yes, the Environment Agency warned people not to take selfies
0:35:14 > 0:35:16in front of upcoming storms.
0:35:16 > 0:35:19Don't panic. The type of people who need to be warned
0:35:19 > 0:35:21not to take selfies in front of a force 10 hurricane
0:35:21 > 0:35:24probably can't work the camera on their phones anyway.
0:35:24 > 0:35:27Hurricanes now all have names.
0:35:27 > 0:35:31Next year, we might actually get Hurricane Jake.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35Sounds like that will be the miserable one.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39But who can we blame for reckless photographs?
0:35:39 > 0:35:42- First of all, have you ever been in a hurricane?- No.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44I was in a manual hurricane, shall we say?
0:35:44 > 0:35:48I was in a wind tunnel recently, for a programme I had to do.
0:35:48 > 0:35:52- Sorry.- Don't say "manual hurricane", I know!
0:35:52 > 0:35:54I know where "manual hurricane" was going.
0:35:54 > 0:35:58So, I was in this wind tunnel and the insurance company went mental,
0:35:58 > 0:36:01and they were given all this information I had to do.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03"Oh, he has to wear earplugs and put on goggles,
0:36:03 > 0:36:06"and tie his willy to his leg" and all this sort of stuff.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09And they were right, because everything flaps at 90mph.
0:36:09 > 0:36:10Like, EVERYTHING.
0:36:10 > 0:36:13Gary Lineker would be beaten to death by his own ears
0:36:13 > 0:36:14in a hurricane.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16It's unbelievable.
0:36:16 > 0:36:18I said to my auntie, she is about 70,
0:36:18 > 0:36:21and she went, "I'd love to go into a wind tunnel in force 12,
0:36:21 > 0:36:24"it'll be amazing." She has bingo wings.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26She'd sound like a hummingbird.
0:36:26 > 0:36:30During Storm Barney - that doesn't even sound right, Storm Barney -
0:36:30 > 0:36:32where people were told not to take selfies,
0:36:32 > 0:36:36the gardai were on Twitter and it was brilliant.
0:36:36 > 0:36:38Have you ever followed the garda on Twitter?
0:36:38 > 0:36:40- Didn't feel the need. - No? OK.
0:36:40 > 0:36:44You should be able to follow the police, it'd be hilarious.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46They are really, genuinely funny.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48They wrote on Twitter, I wrote it down,
0:36:48 > 0:36:50"He's big and he's called Barney,
0:36:50 > 0:36:53"but he's not purple and cuddly. Stay safe." Twice.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58I swear to God it gets better than that
0:36:58 > 0:37:00cos I got another update
0:37:00 > 0:37:03and then they had these four or five lines written...
0:37:03 > 0:37:04I thought they were a bit weird.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07And then I realised it was safety advice
0:37:07 > 0:37:10but it was in the style of the lyrics of the Barney song.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12I swear to God, they had,
0:37:12 > 0:37:14# I watch you, you watch me
0:37:14 > 0:37:16# Get home to your family
0:37:16 > 0:37:18# When you watch the road and avoid a thing or two
0:37:18 > 0:37:21# Put on your lights and they'll avoid you too. #
0:37:21 > 0:37:24That's the guards!
0:37:29 > 0:37:31The naming of the storms thing,
0:37:31 > 0:37:34- I don't like this. - There's Nigel and Steve.
0:37:34 > 0:37:35Nigel?! What the...
0:37:35 > 0:37:38What they did for the naming of the storms,
0:37:38 > 0:37:40they had the Met Office in England,
0:37:40 > 0:37:42because they're in charge of the whole thing,
0:37:42 > 0:37:44but because the storms are mostly from the Atlantic
0:37:44 > 0:37:46and the south-west, prevailing winds,
0:37:46 > 0:37:48so they hit Ireland first,
0:37:48 > 0:37:50they thought, "The least we could possibly do
0:37:50 > 0:37:52"is allow the Paddies to get involved."
0:37:52 > 0:37:55So they had a little thing on social media
0:37:55 > 0:37:57where people could offer names.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59There are some Irish names in it.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01Clodagh is in there.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04- Orla.- Orla is in there, yeah.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07That's going to be a nightmare as well,
0:38:07 > 0:38:09whenever Clodagh comes along,
0:38:09 > 0:38:12because no-one in England will know how the hell to pronounce it.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15- Clodica.- Yeah. Clodig.
0:38:15 > 0:38:16Cloduga.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18Trying to make it more...
0:38:18 > 0:38:21People in England who can't say "Roisin" really drive me crazy.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23- "Ro-sheen."- "Rosheen."
0:38:23 > 0:38:25They make it more than it is.
0:38:25 > 0:38:29- IN THEATRICAL VOICE:- "Ro-sheen! It must be terribly glamorous.
0:38:29 > 0:38:31"Ro-sheen! So lyrical!
0:38:31 > 0:38:33"The Irish are so poetic.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35"Ro-sheen!"
0:38:35 > 0:38:37- IN NORMAL VOICE: - And then you meet Roisin
0:38:37 > 0:38:39and she's...
0:38:39 > 0:38:40She's a big girl.
0:38:40 > 0:38:43"My name's Roisin. How are you doing?
0:38:44 > 0:38:46"Is there anywhere I can buy some onions?"
0:38:48 > 0:38:50Thank you, thank you very much for that.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53Now, if you bid like to ask the panel a question, just e-mail us
0:38:53 > 0:38:55at blame.game@bbc.co.uk
0:38:55 > 0:38:58So, what is our next question tonight?
0:38:58 > 0:39:02"Who do you blame for social media making us unhappy?"
0:39:02 > 0:39:06Yes, taking a week off social media can make you happier.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09On the downside, when you are happy,
0:39:09 > 0:39:11you want to tell everybody about it on Facebook.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14Many people are stressed by social media
0:39:14 > 0:39:17because everyone else seems to be much happier than they are.
0:39:17 > 0:39:21Clearly, those people do not follow Jake O'Kane on Twitter.
0:39:22 > 0:39:26But who can we blame for social media making us unhappy?
0:39:26 > 0:39:28I read that if you are not on Facebook
0:39:28 > 0:39:31or if you take a break from Facebook, then you become happier.
0:39:31 > 0:39:34I thought, "Wow, I can be more unhappy than I am now."
0:39:34 > 0:39:36I'm not on Facebook or any social media whatsoever.
0:39:36 > 0:39:39I was on it for a year because you persuaded me to do it.
0:39:39 > 0:39:42I did it for a year and then, exactly one year,
0:39:42 > 0:39:47I got sick of looking at people's bloody cats and bloody ugly babies
0:39:47 > 0:39:50so I left Twitter on New Year's Day about three or four years ago,
0:39:50 > 0:39:54I left, and my last post on Twitter on New Year's Day,
0:39:54 > 0:39:56I had had a couple of drinks,
0:39:56 > 0:39:59and the last post on it was, "That's it, I'm out of here."
0:39:59 > 0:40:01I deleted everybody that had befriended me, right?
0:40:01 > 0:40:03Then, about four hours later,
0:40:03 > 0:40:06I thought, "Shit, that sounds like a suicide note.
0:40:06 > 0:40:07"I'll have to go back on
0:40:07 > 0:40:10"and reassure the one person that was left.
0:40:10 > 0:40:13"Spread the word, I'm fine, I didn't mean it."
0:40:13 > 0:40:15The thing is, here is too small...
0:40:15 > 0:40:16You don't need Twitter here.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18You just need to ride around on a bike
0:40:18 > 0:40:20and tell people what you're doing.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22That's all... Just cycle round going,
0:40:22 > 0:40:25"I'm going to have a jam sandwich when I go home!"
0:40:25 > 0:40:28People will hear that and go, "He's having a jam sandwich
0:40:28 > 0:40:30"when he gets home." "Who's having a jam sandwich?
0:40:30 > 0:40:32"Your man off the television."
0:40:32 > 0:40:34It will spread around and then, by the time you get home,
0:40:34 > 0:40:38somebody'll go, "Are you having your jam sandwiches?"
0:40:38 > 0:40:39It's just too small.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41The emoticons, all the shorthand,
0:40:41 > 0:40:43I don't like any of that.
0:40:43 > 0:40:44"Emoji" is now word of the year.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47It's now accepted by the Oxford English Dictionary.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49Yeah. Oxford English Dictionary.
0:40:49 > 0:40:52An emoticon... "Emoji" is going to be in it.
0:40:52 > 0:40:53Where is that in the dictionary?
0:40:53 > 0:40:57Is it in between "pile" and "shite"? Is that where you put it?
0:40:57 > 0:40:59How is that...
0:40:59 > 0:41:00I can't... I could...
0:41:00 > 0:41:02HE GRUNTS
0:41:02 > 0:41:06Colin, I think... I think maybe you don't like Twitter
0:41:06 > 0:41:09because you find it hard to express yourself in 140 characters.
0:41:16 > 0:41:19I'm a Facebook junkie, I am one of those guys.
0:41:19 > 0:41:21I log into Facebook
0:41:21 > 0:41:26and if I don't get a message or a notification, I feel quite lonely.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29Then I message everybody and log out and then back in in an hour
0:41:29 > 0:41:32and say, "Oh, my God, so many messages!"
0:41:32 > 0:41:33That is how you work it.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36What annoys me on Facebook is not people saying what good stuff
0:41:36 > 0:41:38is happening in their life,
0:41:38 > 0:41:41it's people who use it to look for, primarily, attention.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43I know a woman, and her dog died, which was very sad,
0:41:43 > 0:41:45but he was old and had a good life,
0:41:45 > 0:41:50and she wrote a letter to her dog and posted the letter on Facebook.
0:41:50 > 0:41:53"Dear Larry..." I don't know if the dog's name was Larry!
0:41:53 > 0:41:57"Dear Larry, do you remember that time that I was really sad
0:41:57 > 0:42:00"and you had a shit and we laughed about it?
0:42:00 > 0:42:02"Do you remember that, Larry?"
0:42:02 > 0:42:04No, Larry doesn't remember.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07Larry is a dog, and he's dead. He's a dead dog.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Larry does not remember. He doesn't have a Facebook account,
0:42:09 > 0:42:13he can't log on to look at your message, he doesn't speak English,
0:42:13 > 0:42:14he can't read it, he can't read.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17Even if he could read, you've written it in English,
0:42:17 > 0:42:18you haven't written it in Dog.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20If you'd written it in Dog -
0:42:20 > 0:42:23"Rear Rarry, ro rou remember rat rime..."
0:42:25 > 0:42:26That would be fine.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31And...it's getting smarter,
0:42:31 > 0:42:33that's the trouble with the internet.
0:42:33 > 0:42:36- It's worrying, isn't it? - Google can understand questions.
0:42:36 > 0:42:39"What is the capital of France?" It'll go, "Paris."
0:42:39 > 0:42:41But if you ask it quite a complicated question,
0:42:41 > 0:42:45it can't understand it yet, but it's getting much quicker.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48Now, I'll tell you when Google will have hit its peak -
0:42:48 > 0:42:51when Google can understand your mother when she hits about 70.
0:42:51 > 0:42:53Do you ever ring your mother?
0:42:53 > 0:42:56She doesn't say hello, she goes, "Do you know who's dead?"
0:42:56 > 0:42:57Do you ever get that?
0:42:57 > 0:43:00"Do you know the woman down the back road with the face?"
0:43:00 > 0:43:03"What?" "The woman with the face! She has a little dog."
0:43:03 > 0:43:05"I don't know who you're talking about."
0:43:05 > 0:43:08"The woman with the face, she's married to the fella with one eye."
0:43:08 > 0:43:11"I don't know." "Her father was the butcher?" "Mary Mulligan?"
0:43:11 > 0:43:13"Yes, Mary Mulligan. You know Mary Mulligan."
0:43:13 > 0:43:15"I do know Mary Mulligan. She's dead?"
0:43:15 > 0:43:17"No, she's the one who found the body."
0:43:17 > 0:43:20"She found the body." "Who's dead, then?"
0:43:20 > 0:43:21"Your granny is dead."
0:43:23 > 0:43:27People need to stop using internet slang in real life as well.
0:43:27 > 0:43:32Do not say "LOL". Unless you're an Orangeman, do not say "LOL".
0:43:32 > 0:43:35I was at a gig and a comedian said to a girl on the front row,
0:43:35 > 0:43:37"What do you do?" All these girls were nurses.
0:43:37 > 0:43:40And then he said to the other girl, "Are you a nurse too?"
0:43:40 > 0:43:42And she said, "Huh! Hashtag we wish."
0:43:42 > 0:43:45She should have been punched in the face repeatedly.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48It took me a while to get used to those three-letter words
0:43:48 > 0:43:51because there were so many of them when they first came out.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53I was flirting with a girl on Facebook
0:43:53 > 0:43:56and she said, "I'm O-F-F," and I said, "What does that mean?"
0:43:56 > 0:43:58She said, "I'm off."
0:43:59 > 0:44:03Funmbi, if you ever get a tweet from here
0:44:03 > 0:44:05and she goes, "I'm U-F-F,"
0:44:05 > 0:44:06I would...
0:44:08 > 0:44:12Apparently, the biggest threat here is not from criminals
0:44:12 > 0:44:14in the traditional sense.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16There was a report during the week
0:44:16 > 0:44:20that said cyber attacks on Northern Ireland businesses
0:44:20 > 0:44:24is the biggest threat to Northern Ireland business,
0:44:24 > 0:44:27cyber attacks on these businesses.
0:44:27 > 0:44:29Really? I don't...
0:44:29 > 0:44:31Really?
0:44:31 > 0:44:33Are there little home bakeries in Aughnacloy
0:44:33 > 0:44:36that are going to be hacked?
0:44:36 > 0:44:39"Quick, Jesus, close the internet down!
0:44:39 > 0:44:42"They'll get the recipe for the sausage rolls! Close it.
0:44:42 > 0:44:47"It's those ones in Ballymoney, that's what it is!"
0:44:47 > 0:44:50"They are trying to steal a recipe to make gay cakes."
0:44:58 > 0:45:01Thank you, thank you for that. Just time for our quickfire round.
0:45:01 > 0:45:04I will read you various newspaper headlines
0:45:04 > 0:45:06and I want you to be faster than Arlene Foster
0:45:06 > 0:45:09arranging Peter Robinson's retirement do.
0:45:11 > 0:45:13The West must wake up...
0:45:13 > 0:45:14And sign on.
0:45:15 > 0:45:18Rats suffer from insomnia...
0:45:18 > 0:45:19Sweet dreams are made of cheese.
0:45:26 > 0:45:29That'll be on the garda Twitter account.
0:45:29 > 0:45:32Dana against same-sex marriage...
0:45:32 > 0:45:36I thought she liked all kinds of everything.
0:45:42 > 0:45:45Ryanair launch flights to Israel...
0:45:45 > 0:45:47Hamas threaten to retaliate.
0:45:49 > 0:45:51Greek politicians are angels...
0:45:51 > 0:45:53They're lucky, ours are all still alive.
0:46:00 > 0:46:03Where has Zac Efron been hiding his younger brother...?
0:46:03 > 0:46:06In an Austrian cellar.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11They don't have to be true.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14Homophobe Avenue...
0:46:14 > 0:46:16Nowhere near Queens.
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Done in 60 seconds...
0:46:20 > 0:46:22And the wife still isn't satisfied.
0:46:24 > 0:46:28And finally, crackdown on social media pirates...
0:46:28 > 0:46:31Especially Twitt-arr-arr!
0:46:31 > 0:46:32Arr-rrr...
0:46:39 > 0:46:41That's it, that's the end of the show.
0:46:41 > 0:46:44Please show your appreciation to our panel - Colin Murphy...
0:46:46 > 0:46:48..Funmbi Omotayo,
0:46:48 > 0:46:50Jake O'Kane,
0:46:50 > 0:46:53and Neil Delamere.
0:46:53 > 0:46:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:46:56 > 0:46:58I'm Tim McGarry.
0:46:58 > 0:47:01Until next time, don't blame yourselves, blame each other.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03Goodbye.
0:47:03 > 0:47:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE