9:51:51 > 9:51:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
9:52:00 > 9:52:02Hello!
9:52:02 > 9:52:04Hello and welcome to The Blame Game,
9:52:04 > 9:52:08the show that's so funny it could make absolutely anyone laugh.
9:52:08 > 9:52:11Well, apart from Oscar Pistorius.
9:52:11 > 9:52:13LAUGHTER
9:52:13 > 9:52:16I'm Tim McGarry, and our regular panellists are, of course,
9:52:16 > 9:52:17Colin Murphy...
9:52:17 > 9:52:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
9:52:19 > 9:52:20..Jake O'Kane...
9:52:20 > 9:52:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
9:52:22 > 9:52:24..and Neil Delamere!
9:52:24 > 9:52:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
9:52:26 > 9:52:29And our special guest night is an actor,
9:52:29 > 9:52:31writer and a brilliant stand-up comedian.
9:52:31 > 9:52:34She's been on the telly in Sherlock, Midsomer Murders
9:52:34 > 9:52:36and, most importantly, The Blame Game.
9:52:36 > 9:52:40Please welcome back our old mate, the fabulous Wendy Wason!
9:52:40 > 9:52:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
9:52:46 > 9:52:49Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's been a momentous week.
9:52:49 > 9:52:53Parliament held an historic debate on Wednesday - should we bomb Syria?
9:52:53 > 9:52:56The debate among MPs was, of course, complex,
9:52:56 > 9:52:59involving convoluted geopolitical considerations
9:52:59 > 9:53:01and multifaceted moral questions.
9:53:01 > 9:53:04Thankfully, Northern Ireland MPs made it simple for us -
9:53:04 > 9:53:06Prods for, Taigs against.
9:53:12 > 9:53:15Now, we were going to bomb Assad a couple of years ago,
9:53:15 > 9:53:18but now we're bombing the anti-Assad, pro-Saudi,
9:53:18 > 9:53:21anti-Russian, pro-Turkish, anti-Kurd Sunnis.
9:53:21 > 9:53:25But we're not going to bomb the anti-Assad, Qatari-backed Sunnis
9:53:25 > 9:53:28or Yazidis or indeed the Kurdish peshmerga
9:53:28 > 9:53:31or the pro-Iranian, Lebanese-supplied,
9:53:31 > 9:53:33Russian-backed Alawite Shias.
9:53:33 > 9:53:36Because that might complicate matters.
9:53:38 > 9:53:41APPLAUSE
9:53:44 > 9:53:46And if you found that difficult to follow,
9:53:46 > 9:53:50then you're obviously a terrorist sympathiser.
9:53:50 > 9:53:54Locally, nominations opened to be the new leader of the DUP.
9:53:54 > 9:53:57I might actually apply for the job myself.
9:53:57 > 9:54:00But I'll wait until I see it advertised in the Irish News.
9:54:03 > 9:54:07The DUP leadership contest will be decided by just 46 people.
9:54:07 > 9:54:10Most other political parties said this was ridiculous -
9:54:10 > 9:54:1446 was far too small a number to control a democratic party.
9:54:14 > 9:54:16Sinn Fein, however, disagree,
9:54:16 > 9:54:19saying that 46 is actually too many for an Army Council.
9:54:22 > 9:54:24Some people say Nigel Dodds as leader
9:54:24 > 9:54:28and Arlene Foster as First Minister would be "the dream team".
9:54:28 > 9:54:31And if you're having dreams involving Nigel Dodds and Arlene...
9:54:33 > 9:54:36..you really need to cut down on your cheese.
9:54:36 > 9:54:38Now, on with the show. The audience ask the questions
9:54:38 > 9:54:41and our panel provide some very unreliable answers.
9:54:41 > 9:54:43So what is our first question tonight from the audience?
9:54:43 > 9:54:44The audience has asked,
9:54:44 > 9:54:48"Who do you blame for the lack of a canopy outside the BBC?
9:54:50 > 9:54:51"Hashtag...
9:54:53 > 9:54:55"Rain."
9:54:57 > 9:55:00That's just because you're from Bangor.
9:55:00 > 9:55:04"Who's to blame for bucking black taxi drivers moaning?"
9:55:06 > 9:55:09You see, this is a... I got another one here that said...
9:55:09 > 9:55:12That was from Robert in North Belfast.
9:55:12 > 9:55:15And, just to show you the class difference in Belfast -
9:55:15 > 9:55:18"Who's to blame for bucking black taxi drivers moaning?" says Robert.
9:55:18 > 9:55:19And Steve from Bangor says,
9:55:19 > 9:55:23"Who's to blame for not revoking the taxi licences?"
9:55:25 > 9:55:28APPLAUSE
9:55:30 > 9:55:34"Or the black cabs holding Belfast to ransom?"
9:55:38 > 9:55:40What's our first question tonight?
9:55:40 > 9:55:43Who do you blame for global warming?
9:55:43 > 9:55:46Yes, the Climate Change Conference is meeting in Paris.
9:55:46 > 9:55:49Climate change is caused by the so-called greenhouse effect.
9:55:49 > 9:55:52Or, if you live in North Down, the conservatory effect.
9:55:54 > 9:55:58Some DUP politicians have been sceptical about climate change.
9:55:58 > 9:56:01But, to be fair, they have offered up a potential solution to the problem.
9:56:01 > 9:56:04Unfortunately, it involves building a very large ark
9:56:04 > 9:56:06and getting two of every animal.
9:56:08 > 9:56:11But who can we blame for global warming?
9:56:11 > 9:56:13It's very exciting times. Um...
9:56:13 > 9:56:17The big debate is going on in Paris,
9:56:17 > 9:56:20and, er, we're represented.
9:56:20 > 9:56:21Relax.
9:56:23 > 9:56:26And Mark "H" Durkan...
9:56:26 > 9:56:29He puts that in the middle to prove he's a Catholic.
9:56:29 > 9:56:31And, er...
9:56:33 > 9:56:37"H" Durkan. And, yeah, he's there representing us.
9:56:37 > 9:56:40Cos he's the Environment Minister or something.
9:56:40 > 9:56:43And it's brilliant to be there because we are the only place
9:56:43 > 9:56:47on these islands that does not have a climate bill.
9:56:47 > 9:56:51We don't have regulations or rules or laws
9:56:51 > 9:56:53because they haven't decided about it up at Stormont.
9:56:53 > 9:56:54What a surprise(!)
9:56:54 > 9:56:56I was looking at some of the delegates
9:56:56 > 9:56:58that were from all over the world,
9:56:58 > 9:57:00and there were these guys from the South Pacific there,
9:57:00 > 9:57:02and basically they're in huge trouble,
9:57:02 > 9:57:04and they turned up in wellies, going...
9:57:04 > 9:57:07- HE PANTS AND GASPS - "I'm wringin'!"
9:57:07 > 9:57:09And, er...
9:57:09 > 9:57:11It's, er... Yeah, it's getting out of control.
9:57:11 > 9:57:13The Faughan River, the other one's the Faughan.
9:57:13 > 9:57:15There's one sat with their kids at home,
9:57:15 > 9:57:17"Where's the Faughan river, Daddy?"
9:57:17 > 9:57:20"Ask your FAUGHAN mother. It's a river."
9:57:20 > 9:57:23Yeah, because some people do pronounce it "the Fuhh'n".
9:57:23 > 9:57:27- Yeah.- But it's polluted. Durkan isn't doing anything.
9:57:27 > 9:57:29It's going to end up, there's going to be a special adviser,
9:57:29 > 9:57:32"Mr Minister, there's a delegation from the Faughan River."
9:57:32 > 9:57:33"Tell them I'm too busy."
9:57:33 > 9:57:35"You need to see these." "Tell them..."
9:57:35 > 9:57:38"Its trout, Minister. Trout have walked up to the Assembly, Minister.
9:57:38 > 9:57:41"They've grown... There's ones with legs and arms out there, Minister,
9:57:41 > 9:57:43"smoking a pipe. They want to..."
9:57:43 > 9:57:45"Tell them it's a non-smoking building. I can't..."
9:57:45 > 9:57:47- It's like... - You know how you fix this, right?
9:57:47 > 9:57:50You're right, the main two culprits on this entire island
9:57:50 > 9:57:53are transport and agriculture, right?
9:57:53 > 9:57:56See, listen, we can't continue to have both of them.
9:57:56 > 9:57:59We need to start riding cows. This is...
9:57:59 > 9:58:00- And I don't...- "RIDING cows"?
9:58:00 > 9:58:03There's someone from Tyrone going, "Already do."
9:58:03 > 9:58:05I don't mean that. I don't mean that.
9:58:05 > 9:58:07We need to ride cattle, that's what we need to do.
9:58:07 > 9:58:10As a transport. You need to just be able to walk in to a dealership,
9:58:10 > 9:58:15like a car, and go, "A COWdi, a COWdi TT," or whatever. And go...
9:58:15 > 9:58:18Just go, "I'd like to buy a cow, please."
9:58:18 > 9:58:19"OK, that's our bestseller."
9:58:19 > 9:58:20"It only has three legs."
9:58:20 > 9:58:22"It's a hatchback."
9:58:22 > 9:58:23That's what you should be able to do.
9:58:23 > 9:58:25"You're paying for the extras."
9:58:25 > 9:58:27- "What sort of extras are in the cow?"- A bell.
9:58:27 > 9:58:29"Full leather interior."
9:58:31 > 9:58:33- That's what you should be allowed to do.- The downside is...
9:58:33 > 9:58:34Now, this is true now...
9:58:34 > 9:58:36Because the summers are getting warmer,
9:58:36 > 9:58:39the winters are getting colder. The winters ARE getting colder...
9:58:39 > 9:58:42- Maybe you're just getting older. - This is it, this is true.
9:58:42 > 9:58:43You've hit it on the head.
9:58:43 > 9:58:45This time of year,
9:58:45 > 9:58:49if nothing else, keep an eye on your elderly neighbours. Right?
9:58:49 > 9:58:51Cos the cold at this time of year...
9:58:51 > 9:58:53I have and old dear, 90 years old, living beside me.
9:58:53 > 9:58:56And I'm glad I kept my eyes on her.
9:58:56 > 9:58:57She was stealing my heating oil!
9:58:59 > 9:59:01She was over the fence...!
9:59:01 > 9:59:04APPLAUSE
9:59:04 > 9:59:05Stealing my heating oil!
9:59:05 > 9:59:07There was... There was some...
9:59:07 > 9:59:10A couple of fellas, I don't know where the hell this was.
9:59:10 > 9:59:12In Antrim or somewhere? That tried to...
9:59:12 > 9:59:13Their fields had been washed away.
9:59:13 > 9:59:15Right beside the sea, fields washed away...
9:59:15 > 9:59:18- 20,000 tyres on the beach.- Lough Neagh, it is.- Was it Lough Neagh?
9:59:18 > 9:59:21- No, it was Lough Foyle.- Was it Lough Foyle?- Lough Foyle.- Lough Foyle.
9:59:21 > 9:59:24As 20,000 tyres that they used as a sort of breakwater
9:59:24 > 9:59:25to stop the thing...
9:59:25 > 9:59:28- WENDY:- The ones they didn't put on bonfires? Is that why there were so many?
9:59:28 > 9:59:30They got fined and brought to court and...
9:59:30 > 9:59:33If they put a flag on it, they would have got a grant. That's the thing.
9:59:33 > 9:59:35APPLAUSE
9:59:35 > 9:59:36That's the difference.
9:59:39 > 9:59:42There is a tradition of this, though, on the North Coast,
9:59:42 > 9:59:43you have to admit.
9:59:43 > 9:59:45I don't know if you've seen those hexagonal rocks
9:59:45 > 9:59:49- that have been illegally dumped up there.- Oh, yeah.
9:59:49 > 9:59:52The other big environment story, and I think we need to cover it,
9:59:52 > 9:59:54as it is probably the most important story of the week,
9:59:54 > 9:59:57is you can get underway now that smells of bacon.
9:59:57 > 9:59:58I would have, like...
9:59:58 > 0:00:01I would imagine all of David Cameron's underwear
0:00:01 > 0:00:03during his university days...
0:00:06 > 0:00:08- APPLAUSE - ..would smell of bacon.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12- They said...- No doubt it would give you a RASHer!
0:00:12 > 0:00:15CHEERING
0:00:16 > 0:00:20It's... Apparently, you can wear them and get support,
0:00:20 > 0:00:23and a lovely smell of a freshly-cooked breakfast.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Oh, my God! Would use that as a chat-up line?
0:00:26 > 0:00:28"With my bacon and your eggs,
0:00:28 > 0:00:30"we could have a brilliant breakfast in the morning."
0:00:30 > 0:00:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Thank you. Thank you, thank you very much for that.
0:00:37 > 0:00:42Yes, indeed, methane from cows could actually be used to power cars.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Sounds great. Just one question -
0:00:44 > 0:00:47where do you put the nozzle when you need a refill?
0:00:47 > 0:00:49So what's our next question tonight?
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Who do you blame for rebranding?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Yes, an online petition wants the International Airport
0:00:55 > 0:00:58named after the great Joey Dunlop.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59I'm in favour.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01My only worry is, of course, that when Rory McIlroy
0:01:01 > 0:01:06eventually passes on, the only airport left is City Of Derry.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10And that's hardly an honour, is it?
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Rory's image is actually worth 280 million quid,
0:01:14 > 0:01:16much of which comes from sponsorship.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Yes, most big celebrities get really valuable sponsorship deals.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Which reminds me, if you're ever on the Antrim Road,
0:01:22 > 0:01:24go to Redmond's Butchers
0:01:24 > 0:01:28for the best pork and leek sausages in North Belfast.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34But who can we blame for rebranding?
0:01:34 > 0:01:35I think it's a good idea.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37I think Joey Dunlop was a fine person.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40I think he did a lot of charitable work. Brilliant sportsman.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Great idea. As long as you theme it after them, though.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Don't just name it after them.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47That's what they should have done with the George Best Airport.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49I've been there. And it's just a normal airport.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Imagine my disappointment
0:01:50 > 0:01:55when my spirits allowance was the same as in any other airport.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- You should be able to... - APPLAUSE
0:01:59 > 0:02:01You should be able to... In that duty free,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04you should be able to buy vodka, gin, a liver, whatever you want.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07You should have the guy pulling in the planes with Cookstown sausages,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10you know that fellow there, that's what they should do.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Advocates a brilliant idea, I have to say.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14But most of Belfast is rebranding, you know?
0:02:14 > 0:02:15East Belfast is rebranding.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18There's nine murals that were paramilitary
0:02:18 > 0:02:20and now they've changed, and they're going to be stuff like
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Belfast Giants and stuff like that, which is kind of very inspirational.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26You know the only person, fictional or not,
0:02:26 > 0:02:29who is in both sides, he's in Republican areas
0:02:29 > 0:02:31and Loyalist areas of Belfast, was Cu Chulainn.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34He's the only person in both areas.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36You are fighting over a fictional character.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40You might as well have row over Gandalf or Willy Wonka.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44"Willy Wonka's Protestant! Willy Wonka is clearly Protestant."
0:02:44 > 0:02:45"How?"
0:02:45 > 0:02:48"Well, his name is William. He owned a factory.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50"And he had little Orangemen working for him."
0:02:50 > 0:02:52APPLAUSE
0:02:52 > 0:02:53It's just...
0:02:53 > 0:02:56East Belfast rebranding, this is the second time they've done this.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- Right, OK.- This is the second time.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00They had the guys with the hoodies and the guns, starting off,
0:03:00 > 0:03:03and peace arrived and they got the paint brushes out. "Hey-hey-hey!"
0:03:03 > 0:03:05They must have had a stencil of George Best.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- George Best was everywhere. Stencil. There you go.- Fair enough.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Must've got 40 grand. 40 grand or something.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12"There you go. Well done." Now, Protestants can't paint.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- I'm sorry... - LAUGHTER
0:03:14 > 0:03:16I'm not, no! I'm not being stereotypical here.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20Catholics can't dance, Protestants can't paint. They can't paint.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Look at what... Now they've done the paramilitary murals again.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28There is one that bad on the bottom of the Newtownards Road,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31police were pulled for stopping their cars
0:03:31 > 0:03:34and getting their pictures taken beside the mural.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Too many policemen were... "Hey-hey-hey!"
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Cos you had the balaclava, but his eyes...
0:03:41 > 0:03:44This guy's eyes were going in two completely different directions!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46It was like those...
0:03:46 > 0:03:49You remember the old things that had about... The pictures of our Lord.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- Oh, yeah. Used to follow you. - That used to follow you.- Yeah.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54And you'd be driving down Newtownards Road, going,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57"Oh... Oh...!"
0:03:57 > 0:03:59So now what's happened, they've run out of money.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01They've been sitting in a wee club, going,
0:04:01 > 0:04:03"Here, sonny, have got a few quid? I'm skint.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05"Get the paint brushes out, Samuel!"
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Now up goes the Giants, they'll run out of money again,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10back up with the guy with the funny eyes.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I think you should put them on the front of the houses,
0:04:13 > 0:04:16cos they're quite threatening, some of those ones with balaclavas.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18If you put it on the front of a house, and then, you know,
0:04:18 > 0:04:22just pull down one window and then the guy's winking at you.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26There's an awful lot of people at the airport...
0:04:26 > 0:04:28At the "International" Airport
0:04:28 > 0:04:31that goes to three places that are "international".
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- One of them being Belfast.- The...
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Yeah, up at the airport,
0:04:35 > 0:04:38there's an alarming number of people working up there
0:04:38 > 0:04:41that have pretty strong sort of North Antrim-type accents.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- Is that right?- Yeah, it's true.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46And... Loads of them. Which it worries me.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Because some of them work in air-traffic control.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51That's what worries me.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54That there is someone up there, going, "All right? Who's that?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57"Is that British Airways coming in there now?"
0:04:57 > 0:05:01"They're coming round the top of the lough there, boy.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05"Just taking off and turnin', boy, know what I mean?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08"Oh, is he, is he, is he, is he?"
0:05:10 > 0:05:14It's not an accent that inspires confidence, do you know what I mean?
0:05:14 > 0:05:15I didn't know...
0:05:15 > 0:05:18The first time, one of the first times I flew to America,
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- you know the big planes? - "The big planes"?! Yes.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24No! No!
0:05:24 > 0:05:25You've got the wee planes.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28You've got the wee planes that go from here to Manchester or whatever.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- This is a BIG plane. There were stairs on it.- A big silver bird!
0:05:32 > 0:05:33- You go upstairs.- Oh, yeah?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35I couldn't go upstairs, couldn't afford to go upstairs.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- But you can go up stairs. - OK.- I love that.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Have you seen the advert outside for the aircraft, that's like...
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I don't know what aircraft it is, but it's, "A bar in the sky,"
0:05:43 > 0:05:44and, "There's showers in the sky."
0:05:44 > 0:05:46And you put an advert up which basically says
0:05:46 > 0:05:50to everyone in the area, "Look what you can never afford!"
0:05:50 > 0:05:53But I was all chuffed to have a TV...
0:05:53 > 0:05:56First time you had a TV thing on the back of your...
0:05:56 > 0:05:58And you can watch movies and everything. It's great.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01But when they come into land, right,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- they had a camera on the front of the plane.- Oh, yeah!- Right?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06And what I didn't know,
0:06:06 > 0:06:09and obviously nobody else from Northern Ireland knew,
0:06:09 > 0:06:11was that when the pilot comes in to land,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14they go sort of sideways, you know, coming into the thing.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- Oh, if it's windy, yeah.- Right. So we know we're coming down.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20We can see the runway. But this guy's pointing towards the fields!
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Right until the last minute. And you see, at the last minute, I swear...
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Everyone on that plane went, "Aaaaaargh!"
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Thank you. Thank you very much for that.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Who do you blame for macho men?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Yes, some people said that David Cameron was just being macho
0:06:39 > 0:06:43by bombing the Syrian city of Raqqa, which has been held by Islamic State.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Other people said, by bombing a city,
0:06:45 > 0:06:47there was a real risk of civilian casualties.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49There is, of course, a compromise -
0:06:49 > 0:06:53carry out the airstrikes, but have them carried out by Ryanair.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56That way, the bombs will land
0:06:56 > 0:06:59miles away from where anybody actually lives.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04But who can we blame for macho men?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07The Syrian thing, the vote and all, with the Commons, is very macho.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09And that was all very...
0:07:09 > 0:07:11HE BRAYS LIKE AN MP
0:07:11 > 0:07:14"Bomb! Bomb! Bomb! Yes, bomb!"
0:07:14 > 0:07:17And there was something weird about Northern Irish Unionist politicians
0:07:17 > 0:07:22sitting there, "Ah! Bomb! Bomb! Bomb! Yes! That'll work!"
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Gerry Adams, sitting at home,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26going "Didn't work for us, I'm just saying to you, like."
0:07:26 > 0:07:28But it's beards. Beards are the new macho.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Seemingly, the new macho is beards.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32And the beards are in, as you can tell by...
0:07:32 > 0:07:36Most of the men on the panel have beards.
0:07:36 > 0:07:37But...
0:07:37 > 0:07:42Yeah, because you're cutting edge in all respects fashion-wise, anyway.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- But the thing with beards... - "Look at the big plane!"
0:07:48 > 0:07:50APPLAUSE
0:07:52 > 0:07:56My moustache woke me up in the middle of the night.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- What?!- I am serious.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- I was in a deep, sound sleep... - Yeah?
0:08:00 > 0:08:05And I must have snored or something, right? So the hairs went up my nose.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10And I came out of it going, "Argh! Argh! Argh! Argh!"
0:08:10 > 0:08:11My wife near kicked herself.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14"What's wrong with you?!" Thought it was a cardiac.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16"There's a spider up my nose! There's a spider!"
0:08:16 > 0:08:19I didn't tell her that so far, but it's a dodgy thing.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21And beards make you more macho, yeah?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- They don't! - LAUGHTER
0:08:24 > 0:08:26They don't!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28The Syria thing is a bit crazy, though,
0:08:28 > 0:08:33because a lot of Labour MPs changed their mind when Hilary Benn,
0:08:33 > 0:08:34son of Tony Benn,
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- and brother of Gentle...- Yep.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42..nephew of Uncle. He... He...
0:08:42 > 0:08:44NEIL LAUGHS
0:08:44 > 0:08:47He made this amazing speech and...
0:08:47 > 0:08:50you know, that swayed some Labour people. You just think...
0:08:50 > 0:08:53But Corbyn was right behind him as he's making his speech.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55What is the correct facial expression
0:08:55 > 0:08:59when the Shadow Foreign Secretary - you're his boss - is doing that.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01He just sat there, completely passive.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Surely at some point you'd just be like...
0:09:03 > 0:09:04"Oooh, I... Eeeergh!"
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Surely, you'd just do something?
0:09:06 > 0:09:11And you're right, the debate, the argument, lasted 10 or 11 hours.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Have you ever had a row with your wife for 10 or 11 hours?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16You will agree to ANYTHING by the end of that.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17"Oh, we're going to bomb Syria.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20"Well, if you want to bomb Syria, that's fine by me. That's fine."
0:09:20 > 0:09:23"Didn't we agree that it would make things better here at home?"
0:09:23 > 0:09:25"I don't know how you'd know, you're never here!"
0:09:25 > 0:09:27What they fear most...
0:09:27 > 0:09:31There are terrible things they're doing to people
0:09:31 > 0:09:34they consider to be gay, right,
0:09:34 > 0:09:36whether they have any proof of this or not,
0:09:36 > 0:09:39it's horrible, they're killing them and all sorts of things.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41So that's what they're clearly afraid of.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43That's what they're terrified of, is gay men.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- Let's bomb them with Elton John. - There we go.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Glitter bombs. We should just camp it up. Camp it up.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51- Operation Fabulous!- Yes!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55APPLAUSE
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- WENDY:- I like the idea of torture by music.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Apparently, like, the Somalian pirates, to sort of get them,
0:10:02 > 0:10:03to flush them out, the Navy used to
0:10:03 > 0:10:05play them Britney Spears really loud,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07and they're like, "I can't bear it, I can't bear it!"
0:10:07 > 0:10:09They just come out.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11There were using someone, like, the music of East 17 or something?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- No, they used, I think, Westlife. - Westlife. In Guantanamo.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Guantanamo, yeah.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17And one of the guys from Westlife went,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19"I'd say I'd last about an hour."
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Thank you. Thank you for that.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Yes, if you believe men are from Mars and women are from Venus,
0:10:27 > 0:10:31well, you clearly have never been to see that show, Ladyboys Of Bangkok.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Now, if you would like to ask the panel a question,
0:10:35 > 0:10:37just e-mail us at blame.game@BBC.co.uk.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41So what's our next question tonight?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Who do you blame for what's in our search engines?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Yes, the most popular search request in England this year
0:10:47 > 0:10:49was "Rugby World Cup".
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Mostly because, after the first round of the World Cup,
0:10:52 > 0:10:56most English people couldn't remember where it was actually being hosted.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01And also this week scientist discovered that some nonsense words
0:11:01 > 0:11:04are just inherently funny. The funniest words they discovered
0:11:04 > 0:11:07were wibble, wook, babblesock, flingham
0:11:07 > 0:11:08and Lurgan.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15But who can we blame for what's on our search engines?
0:11:15 > 0:11:19I blame all of us. I blame all of us, and I love it.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Because the more we search, the more the Internet remembers.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23And I love the fact...
0:11:23 > 0:11:26You know when you type into Google the beginning of a sentence,
0:11:26 > 0:11:27or something that you're searching,
0:11:27 > 0:11:29and it gives you a little drop-down menu
0:11:29 > 0:11:32of what the rest of the world are searching. And I love it.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35And my daughter and I were searching how old somebody was,
0:11:35 > 0:11:39and we put in "how old...", and the drop-down menu came down.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Number three on that menu was "How old am I?"
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Kind of like, if you're searching how old you are,
0:11:47 > 0:11:50you're too old to be on a computer!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53But I love it. Also after, like, my third baby, I had a C-section.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54Comedy, comedy, comedy(!)
0:11:54 > 0:11:55And I googled...
0:11:55 > 0:11:58And I wanted to know how soon I could go back to the gym,
0:11:58 > 0:12:02and I googled "how soon after a C-section can I..."
0:12:02 > 0:12:04And the drop-down menu drops down, right?
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Number five on that is "how soon after a C-section can I hoover?"
0:12:10 > 0:12:13It's bizarre. And then, around about six or seven,
0:12:13 > 0:12:16it's "how soon after a C-section can I have intercourse?"
0:12:16 > 0:12:18That's fair enough. You've just had a baby. Who cares?
0:12:18 > 0:12:22However, if you google "how soon after a C-section can SHE..."
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Very different. It's very different.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Then, of course, we were talking about baby names.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32You have to name the baby.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Sorry. In Northern Ireland, that would be "hoover".
0:12:34 > 0:12:36That would be number one.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41But then I was looking at sort of baby names.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43We were talking earlier on, about how baby names...
0:12:43 > 0:12:44How difficult it is to name babies.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Just out of interest, how long after...?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- Hoover?- Hoover, yeah.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54What age is your youngest? 14?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59APPLAUSE
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Sorry, Mrs McGarry. Your secret's out!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08You've only got two years to wait.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12I was looking at, like, baby names. I did find it hard naming my baby.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14I called my middle boy Maximus.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Cos I thought, you know - emperor, aim high.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18But then there's banned names.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Like, the most popular name in the UK, do you know what that is?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23The most popular name in the UK is Muhammad, now.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26But there are names that are banned in Saudi.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Elaine and Linda are banned in Saudi Arabia,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32because they're too Western.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35But the name Circumcision is banned in Mexico.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- Who was going to name a child...?! - I don't know.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42But you know Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin,
0:13:42 > 0:13:44they've called their little girl Apple.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I was kind of like, "Apple? That's ridiculous."
0:13:46 > 0:13:49But then of course, you go, "Your name is Apple?"
0:13:49 > 0:13:51And she's like, "Yeah, and my mum's an Oscar-winning actress
0:13:51 > 0:13:53"and my dad's a rockstar."
0:13:53 > 0:13:56And you're like, "Yeah, you win, Apple. Well done, Apple."
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- COLIN:- The naming thing... I've a friend of mine,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01and they've called their kid, they've given them a middle name.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- Their kid's called Spartacus. - WENDY:- Oh, really?
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Just for the rollcall in school. That is genuinely...
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Himself and his brother had an argument, and they said...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Before they'd even met the women they're with. ..and said,
0:14:12 > 0:14:15"Whoever has a kid first is going to call the kid Spartacus."
0:14:15 > 0:14:16"Right, you're on."
0:14:16 > 0:14:18And so that's what they did.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Just so on the rollcall, they'd go, "I'm Spartacus!"
0:14:22 > 0:14:25"No, I'm Spartacus!"
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Isn't that brilliant?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Did you say you swore...
0:14:28 > 0:14:30swore to God that you knew a girl called Lasagna?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Yeah, a friend of mine... Yeah.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34There's a friend of mine from West Belfast.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36She said there was a girl called...
0:14:36 > 0:14:39This is the other one, is that she swore blind
0:14:39 > 0:14:43that there was someone up Annistown direction,
0:14:43 > 0:14:45called Tamara Knight.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50No. No. No, no, no. No.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Swore blind there was. - Tamara Knight.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55I've heard of Annette Curtain.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57- Annette curtain? - Yeah.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Well, David Beckham's got a child called Harper Seven.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02And you think, "What a stupid bloody...
0:15:02 > 0:15:03"Why'd you call them Harper?"
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Presumably because somebody already had Birmingham Six and, er...
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Well, there's names. Guildford Four!
0:15:14 > 0:15:16"There's the youngest, Guildford Four."
0:15:18 > 0:15:19"Let's go out to play."
0:15:19 > 0:15:21"I'm going out front door with Jerry."
0:15:23 > 0:15:26- That could be brilliant.- I get in trouble with the Irish names.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Some of the Irish things are very... You just know them kids are going to
0:15:29 > 0:15:31be on their phone for the rest of their lives going,
0:15:31 > 0:15:32"Fachtna. It's Fachtna.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34"Fachtna. It's Fachtna."
0:15:34 > 0:15:36"Fa-Fa... Forget it.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39"Mary. Call me Mary. Call me Mary. All right, yeah."
0:15:39 > 0:15:41I like to find... The funny words thing is good.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44They've done this research about it, and loads of them
0:15:44 > 0:15:46are from Blackadder, wibble and all the sorts of things.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50- Which think is in the dictionary now.- Is it?- Yeah.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51- I don't know what...- As a...?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I don't know what the death and wishing them the just, "wibble".
0:15:54 > 0:15:56And it really is down to the way he's saying it.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58But here, certain... Its accents again.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Certain words sound fantastic. "Gutter", I think sounds brilliant.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Gutter, turnip, flannel, skitter, gusset. They're all funny words.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Gusset is my favourite. Gusset is...
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Yeah, don't do that when you say gusset.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I have two! I have to!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14It's onomatopoeic. "Gusset." Do you know what I mean?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Yeah, stop saying it.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Two of the least sexy words in the world - "reinforced gusset."
0:16:23 > 0:16:25But you can make them sexy if you just put a bit of effort into it.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27- No, you can't.- No, you can't.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29- COLIN:- You can. "Show us your, er...
0:16:29 > 0:16:30- No! - "..reinforced gusset."
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Is this kind of harassment?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- "That's an amazing reinforced gusset."- No!
0:16:36 > 0:16:39If you keep saying that, Colin will end up on a different
0:16:39 > 0:16:42sort of register than the one we're talking about.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Mark Zuckerberg was the big news this week as well, the Facebook guy.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- Oh, he's giving away his dough. - He got a...
0:16:47 > 0:16:52He's giving away 45 billion, 99% of his Facebook shares,
0:16:52 > 0:16:56cos he's so inspired by the birth of his daughter, Max...
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Which is a fine name, I'm not having a go at that.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05I think I saved that one. Ooh, that was close.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08..which is brilliant, and its noble and all the rest,
0:17:08 > 0:17:10but what's he going to do when he has a second kid?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13To the second kid, "We gave all the money away, so now...
0:17:13 > 0:17:16"now we're going to buy a Trocaire box
0:17:16 > 0:17:19"and, right, buy two Big Issues this week."
0:17:19 > 0:17:22But he's given all his money away into a fund
0:17:22 > 0:17:24that his family are going to manage.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27It looks quite sort of like there might be less tax to pay
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- on that money he's giving away. - Don't ruin it.- You such a cynic.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- You're such a terrible cynic. - Well, you know.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Peter Robinson is at home now, going, "Oh, that's..."
0:17:36 > 0:17:39APPLAUSE
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Yeah, he is. 40...? How much is it he's giving away?
0:17:43 > 0:17:4645 billion, but he's giving it away, 1 billion quid a year,
0:17:46 > 0:17:48I think, for the first few years.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Oh, I'm not interested.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52HE SHOUTS
0:17:52 > 0:17:54How much has he got left?
0:17:54 > 0:17:55He's, er...
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Well, 99% is 45 billion.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- So 1% is... - HE MUMBLES
0:18:01 > 0:18:03- So he's not skint? - No, he's not skint.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05He's not going to be signing on tomorrow.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08He's not going to be in an office in Derry going,
0:18:08 > 0:18:10"Can I get the DLA as well, please?"
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Thank you. Thank you very much for that.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15We've just got time now for our quickfire round.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I will read you various newspaper headlines
0:18:17 > 0:18:21and I want you to be faster than Alain Yentob into a dole office.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Ooh.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25"26 hurt in car show horror."
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Kitchen staff forget to cook Jeremy Clarkson's dinner.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33"Glastonbury sells out in half an hour."
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Took Sinn Fein three years.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Ooh!
0:18:38 > 0:18:40"Invisibility cloak for mice."
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Harry Potter And The Chamber Of SQUEAK-rets.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49"The reason love hurts."
0:18:49 > 0:18:52BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING IT UNNATURALLY!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55APPLAUSE
0:18:55 > 0:18:56NOT RIGHT!
0:18:59 > 0:19:02"Britain may have to allow prisoners to vote."
0:19:02 > 0:19:05At last, MLAs can vote for themselves.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08"100 metre waves."
0:19:08 > 0:19:11A man with enormous hands says goodbye.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19"How often did Tom Jones cheat on his wife?"
0:19:19 > 0:19:20It's not unusual.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24APPLAUSE
0:19:25 > 0:19:28"Losing your temper shortens your life."
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Then how is Jim Allister still alive?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35That is it. That's the end of the show.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Please show your appreciation to our panel -
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Colin Murphy...
0:19:39 > 0:19:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:41 > 0:19:43..Wendy Wason...
0:19:43 > 0:19:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:45 > 0:19:46..Jake O'Kane...
0:19:46 > 0:19:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:48 > 0:19:50..and Neil Delamere.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:52 > 0:19:56I'm Tim McGarry. Until next time, don't blame yourselves.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Blame each other. Goodbye.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE