0:00:02 > 0:00:06Then I shall throw in this mechanical French hater.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09I'm a rich businessman looking for younger partners.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11You'll get...
0:00:11 > 0:00:14- I don't see how we have become so rich so quickly.- Good, isn't it?
0:00:14 > 0:00:18I can be educated at boarding school!
0:00:18 > 0:00:19I wish I might go to school!
0:00:19 > 0:00:23'Miss Primly Tightclench is a fine governess.'
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Look at the newspapers to see how awful it is for the poor poor.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29It's throwing food!
0:00:29 > 0:00:32'It's better your husband hear the truth from you'
0:00:32 > 0:00:36- than from a newspaper. - I am French.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39No-o-o! Get out!
0:00:39 > 0:00:40SHE SCREAMS
0:00:40 > 0:00:42No!
0:00:42 > 0:00:44He suspects nothing.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49It's just such a good deal!
0:01:58 > 0:02:00My dearest dead wife.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03I leave this in memory of you, here
0:02:03 > 0:02:07where we spent the happiest days of our lives.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09And, oh, what joy we had.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Until I became a rich businessman...
0:02:13 > 0:02:15..and you turned out to be secretly French
0:02:15 > 0:02:20and hurled yourself into the Thames out of shame.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Goodbye, dearest Conceptiva.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Oi, hop it, you Pre-Raphaelite pervert!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Only half-drowned, eh?
0:02:50 > 0:02:54But fully rich by the look of you.
0:02:54 > 0:03:00And there's much reward for rescuing rich folks.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Oh!
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Lady Swellsmore sent these in condolence.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22I cannot bear colour.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Everything must match my mood.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Your supper, sir.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Coal soup, charcoal pie and,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32for pudding, a really, really old banana.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Thank you, Servegood.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Oh!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41- Actually...- What?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45It's just there is a fine line
0:03:45 > 0:03:48between grieving and racism.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- Have I crossed it?- No, no!
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Yes.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58You need time to mourn, my friend.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Perhaps if you signed the business over to me for a while?
0:04:02 > 0:04:07No. I must continue with my businessy burden.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Of course.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Has Victor been informed at school?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15I have sent my man Pusweasel to impart the dead mothery news.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20As his name implies, he is a man of infinite kindness
0:04:20 > 0:04:23and will break it gently.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- Wake up! Your mother's dead! - I'm sorry, what?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Your ma's gone and died, deaded herself.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34But how?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Hurled herself into the Thames like an 'omesick herring.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Drowned?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Yeah, or poisoned,
0:04:41 > 0:04:44impaled on an underwater spike
0:04:44 > 0:04:47or eaten to death by eelsharks. Probably very painful.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Enjoy your first night with no mother, young culley.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54HE CACKLES
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Why am I kneeling like this?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Oh! I didn't know as you'd live.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05If not, bit of rigor mortis, you'd make a lovely footstool.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I thank you for saving my life, crone.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Oh, that's nice.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19But kind words don't butter parsnips.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22- You want money?- No!
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Just an appreciation.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27You want money.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30If I did, I'd say, or my name isn't Mrs Graspia Grumblechoop.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- Which it is. - So you don't want money?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34No!
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Though here's my invoice for saving you.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Payable now, in money.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Alas, I have no money.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Surely you have a rich husband?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Wealthy father? Generous, fat uncle?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I...I do not know.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Why, I know nothing, not even my own name!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Oh, so that's your game!
0:05:59 > 0:06:04Not a fun game like Poke The Beggar or Slappy Foreign Punch Punch.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07You're an invoice-evading mock amnesiac!
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Not mock!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11My mind is as blank as a...
0:06:11 > 0:06:12As a...
0:06:12 > 0:06:16No, my amnesia stretches even unto similes and metaphors.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Oh, great(!) Can't remember your own name,
0:06:20 > 0:06:24but you can remember literary terms. What a pretty pig in a pickle!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Oh, alliteration.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29I want paying!
0:06:29 > 0:06:33And luckily for you, there's always ways
0:06:33 > 0:06:35a girl can make money.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47I have seen you about, hunched and wretched creature.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- What do you want? - My name is Smalcolm.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56When my ma died, I was terrible sad
0:06:56 > 0:06:58and I thought at such a time,
0:06:58 > 0:07:02you could do with a chum?
0:07:02 > 0:07:06A chum? Why, a chum is all I ever dreamed of from school!
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Then chum might I be?
0:07:07 > 0:07:11Chum might you be indeed, Smalcolm. How joyful this makes me!
0:07:13 > 0:07:18Oh, though I have just remembered that my mother is dead.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22There, there, chum.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Posture!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28But my mama is dead!
0:07:28 > 0:07:32That is no reason for slack spineitude. Does the Bible not say,
0:07:32 > 0:07:36"Be not a bent-backed griever, but weep straightly that thy tears
0:07:36 > 0:07:38"may flow unto heaven and water God's tomatoes"?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Where in the Bible does it say that?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Book of Gardeners. Chapter two, verse eight.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I wish to see my papa, that we may comfort each other!
0:07:45 > 0:07:46- KNOCK ON DOOR - Papa!
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Silence! You must wear the posture gag.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Miss Tightclench.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59I wish to see Victoria, that we may comfort each other.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Alas, she blames you for her mother's death.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Why, she said that hugging you would be akin to hugging a cold,
0:08:05 > 0:08:09flinty rock which had indirectly murdered her mother.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14MUFFLED SQUEALING
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Oh, that must be difficult to hear.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Perhaps you would like to sign the business over to me?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Now is not the time, Grimstone.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30If only there were some way for me to vent this grief.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34I would cry were it not illegal for a man to show emotion.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Sir, I may be able to help.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47It's all right, he's with me.
0:08:55 > 0:09:00Here, sir, you may vent your grief far from the eyes of the law.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Why, Servegood! Is this a weep easy?
0:09:04 > 0:09:08It served me many a night when my Towser died of the mange.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Your poor dog.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Wife, sir.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23SOFT SOBBING
0:09:28 > 0:09:30PUPPY WHIMPERS
0:09:36 > 0:09:37HE PLAYS A SAD TUNE
0:09:50 > 0:09:53MECHANICAL WHIRRING
0:09:53 > 0:09:55PUPPY WHIMPERS
0:10:01 > 0:10:03ANGUISHED WEEPING
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Oh, I can't do it.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07You have to. Now, one last practice.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09In 'Ertford,
0:10:09 > 0:10:11'Ereford and 'Ampshire,
0:10:11 > 0:10:15'urricanes 'ardly hever 'appen.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Rich men love a posh girl who can talk Cockney.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Now, get to work!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Oh, the shame!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27If in my unremembered life I had a family,
0:10:27 > 0:10:30I hope they are not witness to this.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Unless I did something even more demeaning, in which case I hope
0:10:33 > 0:10:35they see this and think I've come up in the world.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Might you be looking for company, sir?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41What sort of company?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Why, a little...
0:10:44 > 0:10:46..Cockney company.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50If...If I were, how much would it cost?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52A shilling for a dropped aitch,
0:10:52 > 0:10:55half a crown if you want the whole rhyming slang.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- (TERRIBLE COCKNEY ACCENT) - All right, me old China?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Look at me plates of meat.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Cor blimey, 'ave a banana!
0:11:08 > 0:11:13Oh yes! Do you have any hake or haddock?
0:11:13 > 0:11:17'Ave I hany 'ake or 'addock?
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I should bleedin' well cocoa!
0:11:20 > 0:11:23'The griefboil is lanced.'
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Thank you Servegood. Thank you.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- Ah!- Grief burp, sir?- No.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I fear I just saw a vision of my dead wife.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Yes. I had those, sir.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Poor Towser.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45You wanted to see me?
0:11:45 > 0:11:47EXPLOSION
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Was that artillery fire?
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Conceptiva achieved much poverty relief with her food cannons.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57I have decided to continue the daily meal salvoes in her honour.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58As you wish. (Muppet!)
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Grimstone, does our business do good?
0:12:08 > 0:12:11No, sorry. I don't understand.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Well, we've recently halved the wages of the shop workers.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Was that...good?
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Yes.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21They must now work longer hours,
0:12:21 > 0:12:24leaving them less time for immorality
0:12:24 > 0:12:26such as drinking, dancing and sleeping.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30Therefore, they will reach heaven much more easily.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34And sooner due to exhaustion. Why do you ask such questions?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Just curious.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40And I suppose I was a bit up all night,
0:12:40 > 0:12:42tormented by a vision of my dead wife.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43HE GASPS
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Conceptiva! Is that you?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49"Yes, it is me. Definitely not a figment of your guilty imagination."
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Why would I feel guilty?
0:12:51 > 0:12:52"Because you caused my death."
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Ye... Right, yes.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58If you are troubled,
0:12:58 > 0:13:01perhaps you'd like to sign the business over to me for a bit?
0:13:01 > 0:13:05No. I have been inspired by this vision. It is soon Easter.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09What better Lenten sacrifice than to turn our business
0:13:09 > 0:13:12into a charity to alleviate poverty?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14GLASS SMASHES
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Sorry, slipped.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19In fact, I go now to investigate the lives of the poor,
0:13:19 > 0:13:22the better to understand how we may aid them.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32To disguise myself, I have replaced my rich clothes with these rags
0:13:32 > 0:13:35whilst you, Servegood, being of the servant classes,
0:13:35 > 0:13:39- will blend in naturally. - Truly we are chameleons, sir(!)
0:13:39 > 0:13:40Aha, a hovel!
0:13:42 > 0:13:46- He looks the sort.- How so?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Clearly a rich philanthropist in disguise.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51The East End's full of them.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55(BAD COCKNEY ACCENT) Awight, mate? Innit, yes? Geeza!
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Oh, sod off, you obvious toff!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01I am not a toff...innit.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Door, Servegood.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Sir!
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Is anybody in here poor?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17- I'm poor.- Excellent!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20What is your name, wretch?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22My name...
0:14:22 > 0:14:25is Mr Jolliforth Jollington.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Jolliforth!
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Come on, earn some money.
0:14:31 > 0:14:36- It is Easter soon, and I want an Easter feast.- That man.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Dear old friend of bygone days, how did this happen?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43How kind of you to ask.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47Well, after debtor's prison I got myself back on my feet.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Opened a little shop, very much like yours.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52You were my inspiration.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Oh, well...
0:14:54 > 0:14:58We sold a range of small, tasteful objects and pants.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Called KnickKnacks and Knickers. It did well.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06Until one day, one of your shops opened opposite.
0:15:06 > 0:15:0928 minutes later, my own shop went bankrupt.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- My fault! - No, no, dear chap. Not at all.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Well, maybe a bit.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17HE HAS A COUGHING FIT
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Oh, you have a mouthful of jam.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Yes, it is jam-like, isn't it?
0:15:27 > 0:15:30But no, in this instance it's blood.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34From the consumption I now have due to living in such awful conditions.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36All thanks to you.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- I am sorry.- Oh, don't worry,
0:15:39 > 0:15:43I've found a way of dealing with it by becoming incredibly bitter.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46In fact, I might change my name from Jolliforth Jollington
0:15:46 > 0:15:49- to Bitterforth Bitterington.- Really?
0:15:49 > 0:15:54No, I won't be able to. Because I'll be too dead.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Come, old friend. Let me take you to my home, help you recover.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Too late, life ruiner!
0:15:59 > 0:16:03The cold numbness of creeping death approaches!
0:16:03 > 0:16:07I can't feel my hands. Or my shoulders.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Though my elbows really, really hurt.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Ow! Mind my elbows!
0:16:15 > 0:16:17I am so cold!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19But I can see Jesus!
0:16:21 > 0:16:25And he's lit a lovely fire for me.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27And put the kettle on.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30What's that, Jesus?
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Yes, I'm with Jedrington.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I know, he is awful.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Oh! Here I come, Jesus!
0:16:40 > 0:16:43White with two sugars, please!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47A biscuit might be nice.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51No! He is dead!
0:16:51 > 0:16:53HE GASPS
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Joy, he lives yet!
0:16:54 > 0:16:58I...forgive...you.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Thank you...
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Not!
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Really dying now.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Ah!
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Jedrington?
0:17:23 > 0:17:26EXPLOSION
0:17:26 > 0:17:27Ooh, cannon dinner time!
0:17:27 > 0:17:31God bless the late Conceptiva Secret-Past!
0:17:31 > 0:17:36Why, that is my name! I am remembering!
0:17:36 > 0:17:37I remember every...
0:17:43 > 0:17:46The death of his friend has pushed him close to the edge.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49One final shove will give me
0:17:49 > 0:17:52sole control of the business.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Then my fiendish plan can proceed.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00Do you want me to kick his stomach out until he hands it over, sir?
0:18:01 > 0:18:02No.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Cunning must come before stomach kicking.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09And you're as cunning as an 'edgehog, sir.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12You mean fox?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Hedgehog's far more cunning.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Every raided henhouse, every dead chicken.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19That's hedgehogs, that is.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23They pin the blame on the fox.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25That's how cunning they are.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Ah! Then I shall play the hedgehog.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33A vision of his dead wife
0:18:33 > 0:18:36inspired this "help the poor" nonsense.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Well, I shall provide him with a vision of my very own.
0:18:43 > 0:18:49But first, I think it's time for young Victor to... Heh!
0:18:49 > 0:18:52..complete his studies at St Nasty's.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Right, science practical.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00This is the world's first
0:19:00 > 0:19:03fully automatic boy caner,
0:19:03 > 0:19:06the Beating Jenny.
0:19:06 > 0:19:11It can thrash 200 boys an hour at any intensity
0:19:11 > 0:19:13from Avuncular Buttock Pat
0:19:13 > 0:19:16all the way up to Death By Spanking.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20- Smalcolm, dear chum! Help me! - No chums here, young man!
0:19:20 > 0:19:25Nor friends, pals, buddies or homies.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Wait! He isn't tied in properly.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35I...I wasn't winking if that's what you thought, sir.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38It was merely a twitch, cos I'm a freak.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Good. Right, here we go.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46WHISTLE BLOWS
0:19:46 > 0:19:47WHACKING THUMPS
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Ha-ha-ha!
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Argh!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52WHACKING INTENSIFIES
0:19:52 > 0:19:55SCREAMING AND CRASHING
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Oops! My bad.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01It's called a mattress.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04It's the only one in the whole North of England.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Arrgh!
0:20:08 > 0:20:11I say, what a stroke of luck!
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I may yet save my family.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17To London!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Right, back to sleeping on gravel then.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Jedrington.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I have good news,
0:20:27 > 0:20:30and I have bad news.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Your son is missing,
0:20:33 > 0:20:36presumed dead after a caning accident at St Nasty's.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42Oh! To hear such news on Easter Eve.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Pray, what is the good news?
0:20:45 > 0:20:49The good news is you won't have to tell your daughter the bad news,
0:20:49 > 0:20:53because she has run away.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55"Dear Papa,
0:20:55 > 0:20:59"I can no longer live with a father responsible for Mother's death,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02"not to mention one who has never given Miss Tightclench a raise.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05"Bye! Victoria."
0:21:05 > 0:21:07This is not her handwriting.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10That is how distressed she was.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Changed her writing.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Where has she gone?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18No idea...
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Papa!
0:21:20 > 0:21:21SHE SCREAMS
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Oh! I hear her voice!
0:21:24 > 0:21:27A guilty manifestation of her presence!
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Yup, definitely that.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34You'll probably want to sign the business over to me now then.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37Yes.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39No.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40I don't know!
0:21:40 > 0:21:43I need to think.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Sleep on it.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49The answers to such things
0:21:49 > 0:21:51often come in the night.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53DOGS HOWL
0:21:57 > 0:22:02Bonjour. Je suis une femme. Comment allez-vous?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Eh? What's that babbling babble?
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Oh, lawks! You've turned French on me!
0:22:09 > 0:22:13J'ai besoin d'une boisson.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Avez-vous du pastis?
0:22:14 > 0:22:20Ah. But there is money in this Gallic turn of events.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24Plenty of unsavoury sorts want Frenchness.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Ou est la plume de ma tante?
0:22:27 > 0:22:31C'est sur le pont d'Avignon.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35# Alouette, gentille alouette... #
0:22:37 > 0:22:41EERIE VOICE: Jedrington Secret-Past!
0:22:41 > 0:22:42You are a bad man!
0:22:42 > 0:22:46- I know!- And to rub that in,
0:22:46 > 0:22:49you shall receive visits from spirits,
0:22:49 > 0:22:51who will impart moral lessons!
0:22:54 > 0:22:59Behold, the ghost of Easter past!
0:23:02 > 0:23:06What do you want with me, dread rabbit?
0:23:06 > 0:23:10Behold Easter past!
0:23:11 > 0:23:16This is you and your family, last Easter...
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Look at how happy you were.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Before you ruined everything!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Yes!
0:23:24 > 0:23:30Whereas this Easter, you have a dead wife,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32a probably dead son,
0:23:32 > 0:23:35and a missing daughter.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40And - I can't emphasise this enough -
0:23:40 > 0:23:43it's all your fault!
0:23:43 > 0:23:50Yes, my fault! Oh, show me no more, dread, rabbity spirit!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52There is much more to show!
0:23:52 > 0:23:56But for now, I shall leave you
0:23:56 > 0:23:59to have a good, guilty think.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08You have found a third player for our next vision?
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Yes, sir. This is Gob.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Ah! I asked for a small, frail boy!
0:24:17 > 0:24:21He's an old army friend, sir. Very good actor.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25He and I were a huge hit as Romeo and Juliet
0:24:25 > 0:24:28up on the North West Frontier.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Good kisser, too.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33He'll have to do. Positions, everyone!
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Now, behold the pain you have wrought
0:24:45 > 0:24:48in Easter Present!
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Oh, dear wife. We are so poor and hungry.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Yes, dear husband.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58We definitely both feel more miserable
0:24:58 > 0:25:02than we have ever felt miserable before!
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Who are these people?
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Just some of the many wretches whose lives you have ruined
0:25:09 > 0:25:11with your business.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15A business you really ought to get rid of as soon as possible.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Yes, I should.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20At least we still have our beloved child.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24Hark! I hear his dainty tread!
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Dear Ti...Massive Tim!
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Sit on my knee, beloved chi...Oh!
0:25:32 > 0:25:36- How is your cough, tiny mite? - COUGHS CHESTILY
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:- Oh, fine. Probably not deadly.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43If only we could afford medicine!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Still, it is nearly Easter.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49Even though I'll probably die soon,
0:25:49 > 0:25:52God bless us, every one!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Except for Jedrington Secret-Past.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59God unbless him!
0:25:59 > 0:26:00COUGHS WHEEZILY
0:26:04 > 0:26:08What have I done? What have I done?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17What visions will you show me, spirit?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Easter's not the same without Tim.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24No! Not Massive Tim! Where is Massive Tim?
0:26:24 > 0:26:25Let him not be dead!
0:26:25 > 0:26:30- Though he is still here... - Oh, joy! Not dead!
0:26:30 > 0:26:31METAL SCRAPING
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Leg or breast?
0:26:33 > 0:26:37No! He is to be eaten by his own family!
0:26:37 > 0:26:40And it is all my fault!
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Aargh!
0:26:46 > 0:26:50- I have gone mad with guilt and am off to take my own life. - My dear friend, how awful!
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Don't suppose you want to sign the business over first?
0:26:53 > 0:26:57As the spirits commanded!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Are those rabbit whiskers?
0:27:00 > 0:27:04- No.- Oh.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05Aarrghh!
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- Arrgh!- Arrgh! Sir! Sir! Sir!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38This is where Conceptiva met her end.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42It is only fit I meet mine here also.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Servegood, you have been a loyal servant,
0:27:46 > 0:27:47friend, even,
0:27:47 > 0:27:48so I wish you to have
0:27:48 > 0:27:52this enormous sum of money as severance pay.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Now I must ask one last service.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Give us a shove, will you?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02The finest service I can do you now
0:28:02 > 0:28:06is not to let you take your own life.
0:28:06 > 0:28:11Quite right, Servegood. You've totally talked me out of it.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14- Oh, dear. I've dropped my watch. - I'll get it, sir.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Bye-e-e!
0:28:16 > 0:28:17WATER SPLASHES
0:28:17 > 0:28:20No-o-o-o...
0:28:20 > 0:28:25..o-o-o...
0:28:25 > 0:28:30..o-o-o...
0:28:30 > 0:28:31..o-o-o!
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Goodbye, sir.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:08 > 0:29:11You, boy! Digital viewer!
0:29:11 > 0:29:14Press the red button now for some extra material.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17It's either red button or red bottom!