0:00:07 > 0:00:11First one of the season and no-one's turned up.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14We're half an hour early! Half an hour!
0:00:14 > 0:00:17You're right. I'm always like this, aren't I?
0:00:19 > 0:00:23But no-one's coming. It's a disaster.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27- I came, Bob.- Cos you live in the back of my car, Tom.- Yeah. Yeah.
0:00:27 > 0:00:32Can you read it? Maybe the lines are too thin. Stand over there.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35- What does it say?- "Walking club".
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- Yeah. Back a bit.- "Walking club".
0:00:39 > 0:00:43"Walking club". "Walking club".
0:00:44 > 0:00:47"Vintage...?" I can't read it. What does it say?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50- "Walking club".- No.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52The line's too thin.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Come on, Hazel.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Tickets and Railcards, please.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18I bet people get caught out when you ask that.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- They have to fish around in their pocket for their ticket.- Yeah.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Not me. I always know EXACTLY where my ticket is.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30I have a special pocket. It's the only thing I use the pocket for.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Going rambling, are you?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39No. I'm going walking.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42"Rambling" suggests aimlessly wandering.
0:01:42 > 0:01:47I always know exactly where I'm going. A bit like this train.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50And I'll be walking with my friends.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I haven't met them yet. I just moved to the area.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58A walking club is one of the best ways to meet people.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- I read it on 14 different websites. - Have fun.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05I've also got a special pocket for my Polo mints.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Do you want to guess which one it is?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- Morning.- Morning.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Do you sell pens?- Just over there.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19£1.99 for that one.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Just give it a bit of a test.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Hm...
0:02:30 > 0:02:34- I never get on with a chisel tip. - We've got round ones.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Ah.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Hm, that's, er...
0:02:47 > 0:02:52You see, now that, I'm afraid, is overly round. Just, um...
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Let me just, um...
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Tom.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Not quite right.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- Anyway, thank you. - Come on! Buy something!
0:03:08 > 0:03:13- Matches. Buy some matches. - Lovely little shop you've got.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23HAZEL: £2, please. £2. Anybody got the right money?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Right. Let's have a look.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Two, four...
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Six, seven, nine.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40I just don't think we need surround sound.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42You need that for the bass.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44It's a barbecue.
0:03:44 > 0:03:49With an integrated HD TV. Not to get it would be a false economy.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52..eight. That's 30...
0:03:54 > 0:03:59Welcome to the first outing of the year for the Mid Bucks Walking Club.
0:03:59 > 0:04:04I'm Bob Stevens. Anyone here completely new to rambling?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Lunch is on you, then!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10No, please. That was a joke.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15Thank you. We will be eating at a terrific little pub.
0:04:15 > 0:04:2012 ales, no music and their pies have pastry on the sides and bottom.
0:04:20 > 0:04:26If you whack filling into a dish and slap pastry on top, it's not a steak and kidney pie...
0:04:26 > 0:04:30- It's a steak and kidney lie, Bob. - Well said, Tom.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35I have to ask, does anyone have an irrational fear of cattle grids?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37This has come up more than once.
0:04:37 > 0:04:44No-one convinced they'll fall through a two-inch slot and make us go on a one-hour detour? Good.
0:04:44 > 0:04:49The first-aid kit is held by my delightful daughter Hazel.
0:04:49 > 0:04:55She wanted to be a doctor but now she wants to hang about in Thailand then do media studies.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59So while you're getting a plaster, ask her where it all went wrong.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Let's get ready to ramble!
0:05:02 > 0:05:06And just cos some of us have beards and we're in the country,
0:05:06 > 0:05:11doesn't necessarily mean we're part of an Al-Qaeda training cell!
0:05:11 > 0:05:18No, come on. Please. That was just a lighthearted...comment.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Oh, dear.
0:05:32 > 0:05:37Oh, sorry. I forgot to say we do set conversation topics for every mile.
0:05:37 > 0:05:43A bit walk-Nazi but if we don't, we spend four hours discussing speed cameras.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Mile one topic is...
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Dinner with a Beatle. Living or dead. Which Beatle?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Which wife?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55And what's on the menu? On we go.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I'm sorry. I don't understand.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04- There's no quiz?- I'm Bob. Hello. - I was in the Barnstaple Ramblers.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07We had a quiz. They were very successful. I'm Christine.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- Christine?- I did say that.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12The thing about quizzes is, um...
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Well, you... I know this is your walk.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20- Hm.- But quizzes are better than conversation topics.- Are they?- Yes.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25You can have questions about all sorts of things, like history.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28I might say, "Who was the fourth wife of Henry VIII?"
0:06:28 > 0:06:33You might say, "Catherine Howard." You'd be wrong, so no points.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- That's how a Barnstaple quiz works. - I think I understand.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41They can be questions about things like sport or geography.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Don't get too far ahead.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- Literature, that's another quiz question.- Uh-huh.- Science.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49That's another. Film, television.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53- Annoying suggestions?- No. That wouldn't work. That's subjective.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58- It has to have a definite answer. - People who don't take hints?
0:06:58 > 0:07:02No. That's the same problem. You don't really understand.
0:07:02 > 0:07:07- People understood in Barnstaple. - You're not in Barnstaple, I notice.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10No. I had to move.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13They must miss you very much.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18Written your ad yet, Tom? Yeah. Yeah.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23Um... "Mature man seeks lady for sex, marriage and maybe more.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28"Please, please help. I don't want to die alone, like Dad,
0:07:28 > 0:07:32"when they find you and the cats have eaten your face.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34"Have bubbly personality."
0:07:34 > 0:07:36It's a bit much.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Ooh, yeah.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42I've gone over the word limit, haven't I?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49You relaxed, yet?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- Y-yeah.- Sure?- Yeah.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57Cos you don't look relaxed. You look like a "my year of hell" picture.
0:07:57 > 0:08:02- I had to let people go again. - Oh, leave it at work, Soph.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06The guy was crying, just crying in my office.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09And it's times like that I think what if,
0:08:09 > 0:08:15just for a while, I gave myself a pay cut and you got a job, and...
0:08:15 > 0:08:19I can't work. Planning the extension's a job in itself.
0:08:19 > 0:08:25That snooker room is our dream we've worked towards for five years.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28We're a team, yeah?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- Don't let the team down. - I'm sorry. I'm so selfish.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Sometimes you are, babe, but I love you to bits.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37- She's trouble.- Who is?
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Christine. Looks like Ranulph Fiennes on HRT.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43That one? The one I'm pointing at?
0:08:43 > 0:08:47It'll be a nightmare if she keeps coming. She's a back-chatter.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Like Dave McClusky.
0:08:49 > 0:08:55Two strokes, cancer of the bowel and he kept coming back like a hiking Terminator.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Thank God he moved to Skye.
0:08:57 > 0:09:03We need new people. I want to keep coming, but not if we're dwindling.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08It's this or badminton. If we don't keep new people, match point badminton.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12I'll make this the biggest and best walking club in the Chilterns.
0:09:12 > 0:09:18Milton Keynes Marchers better hide in their toilet. We are on our way!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20HORN HONKS
0:09:22 > 0:09:24HORN HONKS
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Are you the walking club?
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- The very same. - You can get out, you twat!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- This is my brother, Victor. - Hazel?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41It is Hazel, isn't it?
0:09:41 > 0:09:45I completely didn't know you'd be here. How about that?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Bit freaky. - You running a marathon?
0:09:49 > 0:09:55Tennis! Why does everyone think it's only marathons you do in fancy dress?
0:09:55 > 0:10:00- Charity thing?- Saving rhinos. They only had two suits so he's a Womble.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- Still a rare mammal. - That's what we thought.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07- I'm Bob. Hello to you. How did you hear about us?- Saw the poster.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11She did put it up. Never did before. Too worried about looking cool.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16Welcome. We always want fresh blood, like zombies or the NHS.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Could afford natural wastage now... Christine.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22He was supposed to be playing with us.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27- Reckons he's going to get off with some girl in his year!- No, no!
0:10:27 > 0:10:31- He's joking. I really like walking. - Good man, Victor.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35- £2 please. - Pick you up at 6, you shit-head!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Thank you.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46- So, Tom. What is it you do? - I'm long-term unemployed.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51- I'm sorry. How long's it been? - One...one and a half weeks.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55I've been out of work before. I want to make a go of it this time.
0:10:59 > 0:11:04Oooh! That's a very strong grip you've got there, Tom.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06I used to handle livestock.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Sorry.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- What are you doing here, Victor? - I saw the poster.- No.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- The poster was in the bin.- So was my head. Football team put me there.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23Don't tell anyone that I go hiking with my dad.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28Becky will Facebook Hannah, Hannah will text Amy and Amy will Tweet everyone!
0:11:28 > 0:11:35- Does it matter?- They think I'm doing work experience at Stella McCartney. Don't ask me out.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- I like walking. I'm all over it. - Those are new boots.
0:11:39 > 0:11:44I know a lot about boots. Don't ask me out. There will be punishment.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48When you think about it, we are outdoors, so that's "out".
0:11:48 > 0:11:52And we're going somewhere together. So if someone asks...
0:11:52 > 0:11:58- You know that thing you do where words come out of your mouth?- Yeah. - Can you stop that?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Hazel, you know I didn't mean it earlier.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09You're going to take media studies by storm.
0:12:09 > 0:12:15You will write essays about Come Dine With Me that sound really worthwhile.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- Thanks, Dad. - Look at you! 17 already.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23- Your mum would have been so proud. - She isn't dead.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27No, but she's in Cyprus, and not in a good place spiritually.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31The villa's nearly finished. They've got an infinity pool.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- Does that make them happy?- Yup.
0:12:33 > 0:12:38- Hazel, tell him that thing you told me.- There is no thing.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41She's got a little petrol scooter inside the villa.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46- You made her so sick of walking, she never wants to walk.- I see.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Oh, sure you'll get over her, Bob. Time's a great healer.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- Yes, it is.- We're with BUPA.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57You probably can't afford that, so it's just time for you.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02Someone will come into your life. Maybe she already has.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08So, we're cutting back and it really hurts.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12I think we're well placed to weather a recession.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15People will always want square candles.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- You make square candles? - Make them, sell them.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22Shop in Cambridge, shop in Edinburgh, four shops in Bath.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Four in Bath? A lot for one town.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28You obviously haven't been to Bath.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35- What do you do for work? - Maths, geography and further maths.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Oh. You're still at school.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41LAUGHS
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- How old are you?- 17. - So it would be legal.- What?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Driving. Driving.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Would be legal.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- LAUGHING:- I thought you meant...
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I'm very happy with my husband.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16We never had to wait for stragglers in Barnstaple.
0:14:16 > 0:14:21We always stayed together. It's the way we did it in Barnstaple.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25Christine, that is a very big rucksack for this walk.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29I'm prepared for a nightmare scenario, Bob. Are you?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- Is that a holster? - For the flare gun.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38That'll come in useful for the Somali pirates
0:14:38 > 0:14:42you get these days on the Grand Union canal(!)
0:14:42 > 0:14:45In Barnstaple, we were prepared for the worst.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49You had the worst. You were in Barnstaple.
0:14:49 > 0:14:55You don't need to spend a lot to enjoy a walk. Look at these boots.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Guess how much they cost.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- It's a low figure, otherwise you wouldn't ask me.- Have a stab.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06- One pence.- No.- Two pence.- No.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10- Three pence.- No.- I'm being thorough. - A bigger number.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12- £1,500.- That's just stupid.
0:15:12 > 0:15:17- Was it more or less than £1,500? - Well, do a reasonable number.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Ask me, "Were your boots £50?"
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Were your boots £50?
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Nowhere near.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- What are they doing, Bob? - For goodness' sake!
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Pub kitchen will be shut.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Ah! I want me scampi!
0:15:32 > 0:15:37- SHOUTS:- It's called a horizon! We've all seen one before!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39SCOFFS
0:15:39 > 0:15:44People like that need a good kick up the backside.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Tom!
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- No. No, no. - WOMAN: That really hurt me!
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Come on, please. Please.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09He's very sorry.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13He wouldn't normally hurt a fly unless he's had more than two pints.
0:16:13 > 0:16:18- Or he's hungry. Or he's seen a fly. - He kicked us!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Only because he asked me to! - You asked him to?
0:16:21 > 0:16:26No. In a way. You have to admit you were going quite slowly.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Which is no justification.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Come on. All of this...
0:16:31 > 0:16:34It doesn't make it right, I know.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37You can find a turn of speed when you want to!
0:16:37 > 0:16:41- I'll write to the Bucks Herald. - And I'll wipe my arse on it!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43And his!
0:16:48 > 0:16:55They had an Ocado delivery booked. If you're not in, they tend to cram it through the letter box.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59In Barnstaple, you wouldn't have treated people like that.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02It's not the Barnstaple way.
0:17:02 > 0:17:08- Say Barnstaple once more, you're off the walk. - I'd never give an ultimatum in...
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- North Devon.- You're off the walk. - I didn't say Barnstaple.- A-ha!
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Bus stop's down there. - I've paid my £2.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21If I've paid for the walk, I'm staying. It's my entitlement.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- Fair's fair, Bob.- All right.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27She can stay but she doesn't vote on group decisions.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- Nor do the rest of us. - Onward and upward. Follow me.
0:17:31 > 0:17:36Bob's OK, once you get to know him. Which you won't, admittedly.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40I'm not everyone's flavour. I do know that.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43It's my pheromones. They're quite potent.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47I can't go near a field with a ram in it this time of year.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51There's other ways to make friends in them thar hills.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53If I can't find friends walking,
0:17:53 > 0:17:58I'll find 'em bell ringing. They're always looking for new people.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00GROANS
0:18:06 > 0:18:09This might sound dramatic, but my foot might die.
0:18:09 > 0:18:15- New boots giving you a man blister? - So, why won't you go out with me?
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- You haven't actually asked. - You'd say no straight away.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- Yes, I would.- But why won't you?
0:18:21 > 0:18:27Just think, "She's probably gay. That's why she's not interested." It'll help a bit.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31If you are gay, that's OK. We'll be friends.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- And when the time comes, I'll go on the tube for you.- What?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39When you want a baby I'll help with the spermatozoa. I've got loads.
0:18:39 > 0:18:45- You charmer(!)- The New Scientist said 17, most fertile I'll be.
0:18:45 > 0:18:50- Then it's double heads and wonky tails. Froze some at home. - Sperm in your freezer?
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Hid it in the cube tray at the back. Someone's had a few.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59- Down to my last 900 million. Are you gay?- No.- Will you go out with me?
0:18:59 > 0:19:05This is my answer. I'm going to throw this boot into those nettles.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08You can hop home but you can't follow us.
0:19:08 > 0:19:13- This demonstrates what an unsuitable girlfriend I'd be to anyone.- Bye.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17- I'll be blanking you at school on Monday.- OK.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- BLOWS WHISTLE - Lunch ahoy!
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Best little rooting tooting pub in the Chilterns.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- In Barnstaple... - You went to a magic pub.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37You were served by elves and drank nectar from a unicorn's horn.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- Actually, we brought sandwiches. - A hidden gem, this.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Massive portions, modest prices. A proper pub.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48Don't tell the world about it. Come on.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56What the hell...?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58We've gone gastro.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- It was perfect. - No-one knew we were here.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Boss reckons this is the way forward.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Thinks he's Heston Blumenthal.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11- Caught him cooking an egg with a soldering iron.- £18 for a main!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13That's quite a lot, Bob.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16You should have checked, Bob.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Well, let's have a drink and figure it out from there.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23I'll have a cosmopolitan.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Tom, you like a Foster's.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28I want a cosmopolitan. I saw it on that show with the slags.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- Sex And The City. - That's it.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34I can't believe you're having an alcoholic drink. It's dehydrating.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38I'll have one as well. Two cosmopolitans, please.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42- We've got a sophisticated side. - We do. Some Mr Porky's as well.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Oh, God! He's going to put them in a bowl!
0:20:49 > 0:20:54- So, where's your friend?- Squirrels got him. Elected him their king.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58- He went home.- Frighten him off with your attitude did you? Tom!
0:20:58 > 0:21:03- Molecule of beef with raspberry froth. £21.- We work hard, love.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07- We've earned that molecule. - It doesn't sound very big.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Fills you up, does froth!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Eureka!
0:21:12 > 0:21:15"May Madness! Special offer.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18"Have one sticky toffee pudding, get one free."
0:21:18 > 0:21:21"Have one", not "buy one"!
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- They mean "buy one". - We just need to buy one pudding.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29The person who eats the free one "had it", which means a free one.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34- Pudding after pudding after pudding. - The wording IS ambiguous, Bob.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38- But I don't think your pudding domino scheme will work.- It will.
0:21:38 > 0:21:44It's English law! A runaway chain reaction, with pudding instead of uranium 235!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I knew I'd come up with something.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- I fancy that molecule. - That's my girl.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52This is what we're going to do.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56I have discovered the secret of infinite pudding.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Now, then...
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- Bloody ramblers! - Never been thrown out before.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Well, one place, but I'm a different person now.
0:22:07 > 0:22:12- I didn't finish me slut drink. - It said "Have one, get one free."
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- Not "buy one", "have one".- Dad!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Please don't go! There's a church.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20We'll ask the vicar for some food.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24He's got to give us some. It's in the Bible. Please!
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Please stay.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33You've got emergency rations in there. Don't deny it.
0:22:33 > 0:22:396,474 calories, but I would not classify this as a survival situation.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- Stay away from the rucksack! - TOM: Let's eat this.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Where did you get that? Round the back in a hutch.
0:22:47 > 0:22:52- We could syphon off some petrol and cook it.- Put it back now!
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- CHILD: Dad! Cottontail's gone! - Get rid of it!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Not like that!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Everybody run! Time to run now!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Quick as you can.
0:23:11 > 0:23:16- Drop the flare gun. - From my cold dead hands.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Tom.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- Deftly done, Tom. - There's no-one new left, Bob.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28We said we don't want to carry on unless the club's growing.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30There's Christine.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34I'm off the walk, Bob. Your words returning like a verbal boomerang.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- We've been thinking. - We haven't got one new person.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42I come on these walks to relax and, frankly, they get a bit stressful.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- It's the end of the club, Bob. - No, it isn't.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48It can't be.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51We all need this.
0:23:51 > 0:23:57We spend our lives in little rooms guzzling information we don't need. We need to be outside.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00To breathe the air.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Look out!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Yup. Yeah, that works.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I've only got nine flares left, now.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Suppose that's enough to get me to Chinnor.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Christine.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22Wonderfully well-equipped Christine.
0:24:22 > 0:24:27I know your outer wear is impervious to rain and wind, snow and ice.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28Acids and alkalis.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32Is there a way to reach through it to your heart
0:24:32 > 0:24:34and persuade you...
0:24:36 > 0:24:40- ..to join our little band? - People think you get hot in it.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44You don't because of the breathable vents.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49This club, this is all I've got. It gets me through the week.
0:24:49 > 0:24:54I'm locked in my work dungeon. "Oi, Granddad! Do this, do that!"
0:24:54 > 0:24:59You mention once someone using mayonnaise from the fridge.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01You marked the level.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05Friday afternoon, your car's all covered in Hellmann's.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08"Oh, there's your mayonnaise, Granddad.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11"You've got to have a sense of humour."
0:25:13 > 0:25:15That's my life.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Your life is mayonnaise?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23I-I'm sorry, Bob. I'm confused.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Wait there.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32What's it going to take?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Of course I don't know where I am.
0:25:34 > 0:25:39- Come, anyway.- Get your boot on, you're back on the walk.- Hang on.
0:25:39 > 0:25:44- Don't know if I want to be now. - You love walking, you said.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47I don't. The countryside is rubbish.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Hasn't got a roof and doesn't have wi-fi.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54I only came to ask you out and you don't want to know.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- If you come on the walks, I'll kiss you.- Nice.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Not now. In a month.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05- In a month?- Yes, near enough to give you some hope.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10- Far away enough that I don't have to worry.- You'll kiss me in a month?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12- I will.- On the mouth.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- Damn. On the mouth.- And tell ten people at school that I'm all right.
0:26:16 > 0:26:21- I'll stop telling five people that you're a twat.- Works out the same.
0:26:27 > 0:26:32Dad. Victor's back. That's one new person. The club's OK.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- That's just grand(!) - What's happened?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Meet our new deputy leader.
0:26:39 > 0:26:44- Victor, go home.- A promise is a promise.- You could have told me.
0:26:44 > 0:26:50- Deputy leader? I've been coming since I was in a sling.- I thought... - Hot chip! Enough!
0:26:50 > 0:26:54We won't have any squabbling any more, please.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Tell her, Bob. Tell her like I told you.
0:26:56 > 0:27:01Because sometimes we'll do things my way.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Sometimes, we'll do them... the Barns...
0:27:04 > 0:27:09Barnstaple way. See? Wasn't hard. Here's your oat bar. Thank you.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- Have you got any fruit?- Yes. - Can I have some?- No.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18I'm pleased you came back, Victor. We're going to have a lot of fun.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- I hope so. - Call me at work.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24Now, everyone. What an afternoon stretches before us!
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Two aqueducts, one World War II pillbox
0:27:28 > 0:27:30and the conversational topic is...
0:27:30 > 0:27:34Morse or Gadget. Who's the best inspector?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36- On y va. - BLOWS WHISTLE
0:28:06 > 0:28:12- Why don't I have a badge?- The deputy walk leader gets a special badge.
0:28:12 > 0:28:13An invisible one.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Humidity's up.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20A high cotton mix. 17.99. Sometimes you have to treat yourself.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24- You've been walking a bit with Christine today.- I know.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28- She's a woman and everything. She IS a woman?- Technically.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Wooo! Getting busy in the bushes.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35- No.- Absolutely not.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd