0:00:03 > 0:00:06I really thought we'd get some extra people today.
0:00:06 > 0:00:11- You put the ad in, didn't you, Tom? - Yes. Here we go...
0:00:11 > 0:00:16under Local Activities, "Trousers for sale, slightly worn, hole in crotch, mendable. £5.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19"Also come to the Mid-Bucks Walking Club. Meet 10am..."
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Yeah. Tom, since I gave you the money to put the ad in,
0:00:22 > 0:00:25it might have been nice if you'd given the walking club top billing.
0:00:25 > 0:00:29I was trying to kill two birds with one stone, plus I thought if anyone came on the walk
0:00:29 > 0:00:33they could sort of see the trousers in action, what they can do and all that.
0:00:33 > 0:00:38They can even have a go in them, sort of try before you buy. It's not even that big a hole. Look!
0:00:38 > 0:00:41I mean, I can't even get my thumb in there. Oh, I can.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43There she is.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Morning.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- SAT NAV:- "Turn right in three yards."
0:00:50 > 0:00:53"Turn left in two yards."
0:00:56 > 0:00:59"You have reached your destination."
0:00:59 > 0:01:00Dad...
0:01:00 > 0:01:03How's it going to work now she's deputy walk leader?
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Don't you worry about that. She's Amanda Holden, she's Nick Clegg.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10She's the white-haired woman who used to sit next to Alan Sugar.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12We all know where the real power lies.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16I don't know why you're all standing there. This is where the walk begins.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24HE BLOWS HIS WHISTLE
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Welcome to the second walking club expedition of the season.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32It's a very special one today because we'll be walking through three counties -
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Bedfordshire, Hertfordshire and the old favourite...
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- Lancashire?- Buckinghamshire. What about that? One walk, three counties.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43That's why I've called today's the Treble Trick.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46STRANGE MUSIC PLAYS
0:01:46 > 0:01:51- So what's this? - Deputy walk leader is responsible for the pre-walk stretching.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55- Certainly how we did it in Barnstaple.- You'll never get this lot doing that.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56This music's nice.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00Synthesised bird song. Tests show it's 18% more relaxing than real bird song.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02When did we discuss this, exactly?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05It's one of the innovations we'll be rolling out. I did send you emails.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Yes, the emails. Got a bit of a problem with emails.
0:02:08 > 0:02:13Some of them keep moving themselves into the recycling bin. No idea why.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15That's a very serious problem.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17You need to speak to your system administrator
0:02:17 > 0:02:18without delay.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Luckily, I brought printouts.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25This is great. I'm really loosening up.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Right, that's enough.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- Let's walk.- I say that.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34Let's walk.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Yep, let's walk.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Turn left in two yards.
0:02:57 > 0:03:03OK, general note to everyone, can we please not spend the whole walk with our noses in our little devices?
0:03:03 > 0:03:08We're slaves to our screens all week but, here we get to enjoy the sun on our face
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- and the rain on our cheeks, don't we? - Is it going to rain?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I'll check the forecast.
0:03:13 > 0:03:14What did I say?
0:03:14 > 0:03:17What's that, Bob?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- That is my walk leader badge. I always wear it.- Never seen it before.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25I always wear it from now on. It's for when new people join the group.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Got a question, they know who to ask.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- Actually, I've got a question, Bob. - Excellent.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Why don't I have a badge?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Ah, now the deputy walk leader gets a very special badge.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44It's an invisible one. Everyone's happy.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46I don't want an invisible badge, Bob.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48It's on you now and it suits you.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51This way.
0:03:54 > 0:04:00I'm not very good at picking up signals but I think Bob might have a problem with my new role.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I think Bob likes you. He's never given me an invisible badge.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09I may seem tough but I have a heart on the inside and it has feelings.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13- Like a Dalek.- Very well put, Tom.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- You certainly have a way with words. - Tell me!
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- So then...- Here we go.- It's two weeks till that kiss you promised me.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I wonder what it'll be like. I think...
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Victor, I promise you, if you hold me to this it will be the most average two seconds of your life.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31I've been good. I haven't told anyone you're a rambler.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34And that is why you still have a face and an even number of balls.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38No, every Saturday for me is work experience at a major fashion house.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41It is a big lie and that is why everyone believes it. Now shhhh.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Ah. Sure this is the way, Bob?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Green highlighter cannot lie.
0:04:54 > 0:04:59Excuse me, excuse me! I think you'll find this is a right of way.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Sorry, we've got a touch of foot-and-mouth. Path's closed.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07- Foot-and-mouth, that would be a national news story, wouldn't it? - Ah.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11You're one of the clever ones. I have other excuses, depending on what mood I'm in.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15I'll be honest, I don't like ramblers, come across here, straight through my yard,
0:05:15 > 0:05:20frightening the chickens with their beards. It's nothing personal, I just hate all of you.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25- This is a public right of way. You are legally obliged to open this gate right now.- If we're getting legal,
0:05:25 > 0:05:29you give me the name of the law and the right year and I'll let you through.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Well, I don't know the name of the act off the top of my head but...
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Christine! Look it up on your phone thing.
0:05:36 > 0:05:41Sorry, Bob, I'm afraid, as requested, I'm keeping my nose out of my little device.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44We'll go round on the road, it's probably not far.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I'll stay here until the gates open.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Right, go on the road, but we'll do so with our heads held high and you,
0:05:52 > 0:05:56sir, have made yourself look very stupid in front of all these people.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59You've really embarrassed yourself.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02In fact, you have...
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Oh, he's gone.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08How you been then, Sophie?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Thanks for asking, Victor.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13She's got all this stress-related stuff back again.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Panic attacks, insomnia, can't orgasm.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20It's very challenging, running specialist candle outlets right now.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24You wouldn't believe this, but there's only another square candle place
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- opened up over the from her best shop.- We said we weren't going to talk about that.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33- It's Sophie's sanctuary Saturday. - Candle Barbara. That's what it's called, Candle Barbara, candelabra.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35It's buggered your foot fall a bit, hasn't it, love?
0:06:35 > 0:06:40Life's tough for us all. Just because she earns her money, doesn't mean I've got it easy.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Builders still haven't tiled the snooker room and what time did I have to get up
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- to watch the Japanese Grand Prix? - Five.- Five.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51- Come on. You still trying for upstairs inside with Hazel? - That's not why I come.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55I tell you what you want to do, get a car and sort your clothes out
0:06:55 > 0:06:58and stop walking around with a face like a chipmunk trying to do a shit.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Don't listen to them.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I think you look pretty good as you are.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19It's nice to have another woman in the group, Christine.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23- I mean, a grown-up woman.- Yes.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27I suppose we can have girlie chats now, can't we?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- Let's have one now, a girlie chat. - All right then.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Erm, I don't know where to start.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38What about when you're on a date, a hot date with a hunk, and you walk
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- into a cocktail bar and suddenly you break your high heel?- Yeah.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45And what about when you're having a bubbly bath and you suddenly remember
0:07:45 > 0:07:49you've left your bar of chocolate in the other room but you don't want to get out?
0:07:49 > 0:07:54Or you're buying handbags and they throw you out, and all you were doing was stress testing the handles,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57and if they break at the first tug then they're not properly made.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03- Do you have many female friends, Christine?- I've got you now.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16I'm surprised, Victor. I gave you my card but you didn't call me at work.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Yes, I sort of wasn't sure what you wanted.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Advice about computers, of course.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25You seem to know a lot about them and I'm looking to upgrade my system.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Oh. Well, we can talk about it now if you like.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Yeah. That would be good.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Let's talk about it in these woods.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41All right.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Dad.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Ah, the asking voice, the Bank of Dad is now open.
0:08:51 > 0:08:56- It's not that, it's just Mum wants me to go over to theirs in Cyprus this summer.- I see. How long for?
0:08:56 > 0:09:00- The whole summer.- Right. Well, if that's what you want, you know, I'll get by.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04I don't want to go for six weeks. It's miles from any where and they haven't got an infinity pool.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06I measured it, it's only ten feet wide.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- So I was thinking, you would say you wouldn't let me go.- What? No!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Listen, then we'll compromise and I'll go for a week.
0:09:12 > 0:09:17So I've got to be the bastard? A month of phone calls from Keith because she's not going to ring me,
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- and all her friends tutting at me over the apples in Morrisons. - Thanks, Dad.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- What?- You're brilliant, Dad. - No, we're not finished! I love you, Daddio!
0:09:27 > 0:09:33What you might want is an open source system and that saves you money but what you don't get...
0:09:36 > 0:09:38is the customer support.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40And also, the firewall...
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Now, Joe, if we were to introduce enhancements to the club...
0:09:45 > 0:09:50Don't ask me what I want. I don't care. I only come on these things because Sophie likes it.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53She hasn't realised how pointless walking is but she will.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56She's a clever girl. She's the love of my life, that woman.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Couldn't tell you what I'd do if I didn't have her.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Ooh... Have you got a big knife I could borrow?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Jesus, where did you get this?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Canada. They use it for stabbing bears.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- What do you want it for? - Ooh. Little surprise.
0:10:21 > 0:10:27- Christine, if anyone asks, I'm just nipping into the woods... - I've got just the thing.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28It's called...
0:10:31 > 0:10:32..a she-wee.
0:10:32 > 0:10:39Shall I show you how to use it? Now you place the unit securely against the pelvic region,
0:10:39 > 0:10:45- directing the exit pipe away and in front, away and in front.- Yeah, sure.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49- The liquid repellent coating should ensure no drips.- Thank you.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- I'm quite an important woman in your life now, aren't I?- Well...
0:10:52 > 0:10:57The walking club is very important to you and I am the deputy leader, and your mum's not around,
0:10:57 > 0:11:02so you might find yourself looking to me as some kind of a role model, which is fine.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Return it to me in the zippy bag when you're done.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Sealed!
0:11:09 > 0:11:13So what's happening here then, Sophie, exactly?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15I'm getting something for myself, Victor.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- But Joe...- Joe sits there with the remote all day, that's what he does.
0:11:19 > 0:11:24Do you ever get the feeling that you just want to grab the remote and watch what you like?
0:11:24 > 0:11:28- I watch telly on my computer mostly. - We'll meet. Once a week, no strings.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30I've got an account with Crowne Plaza.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34You'll only last a couple of minutes but you're young, you've got powers of recovery.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Yeah, this is meant to be a bit of a fantasy, isn't it?
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- Kiss me back.- Oh that hurts! Oh.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47So that'll work with my existing spread sheets then?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50You shouldn't have any compatibility issues, no.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- Bob, what's that?- What?!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- Oh, Lampard, you dick!- Thank you.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Humidity's up, we need airflow channels in the higher cotton mix.
0:12:23 > 0:12:2617.99. Sometimes you have to treat yourself.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29You've got all sorts in there, haven't you?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33So... what do you want from this walking club?
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Oh, er, well, I did have one idea but Bob said it wasn't practical.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40- Go on.- We get a donkey on a rope, right, and we bring it on a walk.
0:12:40 > 0:12:45We put a barrel of cider on its back and we can drink the cider. It's called the cider donkey.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49Oh. That's very imaginative. What is it you want from life?
0:12:49 > 0:12:54- Just to get on the sick.- No but if you were aiming a little bit higher.
0:12:54 > 0:13:00- Look, what's Tom good at? What are Tom's skills?- Who's Tom?
0:13:00 > 0:13:06You are. I'm talking about you in the third person, it's what my therapist does - did.
0:13:06 > 0:13:13- Oh, well, Tom can make things with my hands. Tom can build things out of wood.- There you go.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- Tom can make furniture. - Now you're talking!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Well, as long as they put the Allen key in the box.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24I mean, without that, it just sort of sits there, doesn't it, until Tom burns it in the yard?
0:13:28 > 0:13:32- What was I looking at there? - Don't tell Joe, please don't.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- Don't tell Joe what? - She just jumped on me. What you saw, that was it.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39She does want to meet up once a week in a hotel for some sexing about
0:13:39 > 0:13:45but I definitely don't want to do that. I mean, probably definitely not, I think.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47I'm not saying that I will, cos I won't but if I did,
0:13:47 > 0:13:51- it wouldn't get in the way of me and you, would it? - Yes, I think it would, Victor.
0:13:51 > 0:13:56And there is nothing to get in the way of, so there. Ha-ha-ha! Straight back at you!
0:14:00 > 0:14:07Ah! Now, from here, we're looking at all three counties - Bucks, Beds and Herts, all coming together
0:14:07 > 0:14:14in a glorious landscape threesome to make one of the most beautiful vistas in the whole of England.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18So let's just take a minute.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Excuse me, Bob.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31I'm just geo-tagging it...
0:14:31 > 0:14:35and then I'm going to send it to all of you.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39VARIOUS BEEPS AND BUZZES
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- That's nice.- That looks wonderful, that's really good.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- Lovely...- Right, let's move on.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Er, just a minute.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Thank you.- Wait a minute. What are you actually doing?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54In the bag.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56- I need that.- What are you doing?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Look, I've been very quiet about this whole thing.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- Oh...!- No! Enough is enough.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04You're missing the whole world because you can't get through
0:15:04 > 0:15:08five minutes without playing a video game or seeing if Stephen Fry is stuck in a lift.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12So all the phones are staying in the bag for a lovely little holiday.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15And how am I supposed to update my walk blog?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- Tom, make sure no-one uses these. - No, Bob, you don't...
0:15:40 > 0:15:44I am glad I got this response because it means I'm getting through to you all.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- Fine.- You're going to be wound up the whole time.- Come on, let's go.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- That's really patronising.- Dad...
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- Dad!- Hazel.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55What's Tom done with the bag?
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Oh, God.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- Oh, no!- Come on.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05I mean, bloody hell, Tom, it's like I'm Henry II, you're the knights
0:16:05 > 0:16:09- and the phones are Thomas a Becket. - I'm sorry, Bob, I thought I was helping.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14- I thought I was giving people a better life, like what you said. - Look what you've done to him now!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16MOBILE RINGS
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Hannah. Hi!
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- Yeah, doing another shoot for Stella McCartney, yeah.- Hazel?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Got to go, stylist is calling me.
0:16:30 > 0:16:35God, it's mental here, like Pineapple Studios times a million!
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Bye!
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- Ah-ah-ah! In the bag. No, no, no, no!- Dad!
0:16:42 > 0:16:44No, no, no, no, no!
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Toys back at home time.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50That is my personal property!
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Sandwich, apple, crisps - the guitar, bass and drums of a packed lunch.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Anyone seen my badge, walk leader badge? It's gone.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Maybe it fell off when you took everyone's phones.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think that's exactly when it happened.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Tom!
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Im good. It's not really a balanced diet, that, is it?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25He'll burn it off.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Tom's very active...
0:17:28 > 0:17:29..like a foal.
0:17:29 > 0:17:30Everyone!
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Everyone, er, sorry.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Now, um, today is a very special day.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39It's exactly five years since me and Sophie first met.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42It's not five years since we first kissed or did it.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Had to wait till my girlfriend did a late shift for that.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49But it's five years since those beautiful eyes looked into mine.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51I didn't know!
0:17:51 > 0:17:56I know I don't say it enough but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world,
0:17:56 > 0:17:57and er...this is for you.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:18:00 > 0:18:05Sophie - you are my everything, and that is why you wear that ring.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09You bless me with cars one, two and three -
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Mazda, Beemer, Ford, a sweet family.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14You said you wanted kids one day -
0:18:14 > 0:18:18I said that would spoil it, and you said "Yeah. OK."
0:18:18 > 0:18:22With you I have the perfect life, and that is why I say thank you,
0:18:22 > 0:18:25thank you, thank you...
0:18:25 > 0:18:26for being my wife.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- That was the most beautiful thing. - And look...
0:18:33 > 0:18:39I've got us both tickets for Mamma Mia, even though I've always said I'd rather gouge out my own eyes.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Don't cry love, you'll set ME off. Nobody wants that.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- I don't deserve you. - Oh, no, that's silly!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46You're the most perfect...
0:18:46 > 0:18:49I'm not. I'm not this perfect princess you think I am!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51I love you, Sophie!
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Tom, I've got to tell you, I have to... There's something that I...
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Well, WE...
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Shit!
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Oh...
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Victor's fallen in the brambles, someone help me!
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- Thorn! Stuck in my eyelid! - Oh, Christ. Don't blink...
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Ow! No...not there!
0:19:08 > 0:19:12I'm going to just tug you really hard, and you're going to have to trust me.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16- It's all right, look, it's there, it's there.- All right...
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Tom. You've been walking a little bit with Christine today, haven't you?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Yeah. I know. She's a woman and everything.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- She IS a woman, isn't she? - Technically - but be careful, that's all I'm going to say.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32She might be a little bit manipulative, just a feeling I get.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Possibly she's evil. I'm not trying to do her down, I'm just saying.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38I like her. She's nicer than the women in the crack drop-in centre.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41You're not still going there, are you? You've never taken crack.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Yeah, I know, but it's free biscuits, innit?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46No, I like her, she's...she's nice.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49I see. That's how it is now, then, is it?
0:19:49 > 0:19:53- How d'you mean? - That's the way of the world?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55- How d'you mean...?- I get it!
0:20:00 > 0:20:01- CHRISTINE:- Oh, what?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Maybe we're lost, Bob.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I know how to read a map.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- Thought it was you lot. - How much land do you have?- Enough.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21My uncle died, no children.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Oh, dear, how sad. Never mind.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Can we...? I don't even know why I'm asking this, but can we...
0:20:27 > 0:20:31DELIBERATELY: use this public footpath, please?
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Sorry. I've got the glampers in.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- The what? - Glamorous campers. Glampers.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39They're down in that tepee over there.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41That's where the money is - posh folk who like mud.
0:20:41 > 0:20:48You see...you ramblers, you love to walk about the countryside, but you're not prepared to pay for it!
0:20:48 > 0:20:52But your glampers - make it an experience, they'll pay.
0:20:52 > 0:20:57My brother shows them how to chop a log, that's bushcraft - another £30.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00My wife does fairy magic story hour - £30.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04So - they don't want the march of the Bill Oddies coming through.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Well, I'd quite like to stay in a tepee.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Here's a leaflet.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Now. It's not like last time, the detour's massive.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18You'd better get going.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21I've got to go and find a cow for the Milking Experience.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Another £30, is it?!
0:21:23 > 0:21:2635, in the school holidays.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28We'd better walk round, then.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- Bob, I think we both know... - Oh, here it comes.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35You would have done it all better. Right?
0:21:36 > 0:21:43In you stomp, into MY group, with all your new ideas, your "rambling is the new rock'n'roll"...
0:21:43 > 0:21:46- If you'd just let me finish... - You're like the people at work -
0:21:46 > 0:21:49"You're stuck in your ways, Bob. You need to go on a course, Bob." Ah...
0:21:49 > 0:21:54they sent you, didn't they? Craig, and all the other spotty managers,
0:21:54 > 0:21:59cos I made that complaint about how they're always on their stupid little phones and not working.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02They went to the Nemesis Temping Agency and said,
0:22:02 > 0:22:06"One evil harpy in breathable fabrics, please, to ruin Bob's life"!
0:22:06 > 0:22:08And I don't think I AM being paranoid.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Yes, there's a small part of my brain saying I've gone too far and
0:22:11 > 0:22:14probably I should stop talking, but why would I listen to that?
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Actually, I was going to agree with you.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Mm? Ah...
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Land access is the lifeblood of walking, Bob.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29And it's not just me that says that.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33It's the Countryside and Rights of Way Act 2000.
0:22:33 > 0:22:38I should have stood by you then, Bob, but I didn't - I let my pride get in the way. Well, not any more.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41We must walk these paths.
0:22:41 > 0:22:47And that's true for my modern kind of walking, as well as your old, dead kind of walking.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Thank you, Christine...I think.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54In a moment,
0:22:54 > 0:22:57our walk leader will cross that field.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02With his deputy - which is me - by his side.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I would ask that you join us.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08ALL, LIFELESSLY: Yeah...
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Aaaagh...!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Right. It's time...
0:23:28 > 0:23:31I'm going to turn you into a magic mouse.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Can you wiggle your nose like a magic mouse?
0:23:34 > 0:23:35- MOBILE RINGS - Keep wiggling.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39What?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41You can see them from the barn?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Seven of them?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Yeah... Leave it to me.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Now. I've got to help the King of the Elves do something, so you...
0:23:51 > 0:23:55pop in the tepee, practise your wiggling...
0:23:55 > 0:23:57and I'll be back in a jiffy.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Shut the magic flap.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06You know what this reminds me of?
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Kinder Scout, 1932. Mass protest.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14And, in the grand Kinder tradition, what a surprise it was!
0:24:14 > 0:24:15- SOPHIE:- Ha-ha.- Thank you.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20Thousands of ramblers, standing up to... HE GASPS
0:24:20 > 0:24:22It's not like you weren't warned.
0:24:23 > 0:24:24- CHRISTINE:- Good afternoon.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26We came because...
0:24:27 > 0:24:31Sophie wanted to know if you have any availability in August.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Yeah. Erm...
0:24:33 > 0:24:35All looks gorgeous.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Well, we're full up Bank Holiday week, but I'm sure we can fit you in on the 20th...
0:24:42 > 0:24:47- Bloody hell, Tom!- Now... I don't hit girls, but you were tooled up, so that is allowed, yeah?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Aaagh! They've killed the fairy!
0:24:50 > 0:24:53No, HE killed her. And anyway, she's not dead.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- BARKING Farmer...- Dogs.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57- Big dogs!- Run!
0:24:57 > 0:24:58VICIOUS BARKING
0:25:00 > 0:25:02BARKING IN THE DISTANCE
0:25:04 > 0:25:08I suppose it might have been easier to get everyone together if I hadn't taken all the phones.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13If he doesn't call the dogs off soon, then we might be here for the night.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I'm changing to my survival socks.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19- Yeah. Course you are. - I've got a spare pair.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22You can have one. They're unisex.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26- Something about you and feet, isn't there?- We have a history.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Well, as long as it doesn't drop below minus 15, I'll be cosy, thank you.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32That's very unlikely.
0:25:32 > 0:25:33Christine...
0:25:33 > 0:25:39I might have been a bit... a little bit hard on you earlier today, so er...there.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- Thanks very much. - Can I have my badge back, please?
0:25:43 > 0:25:48Oh... Bob, if I had your badge, I would give it to you. But it really did just fall off.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Yeah. Yeah...
0:25:57 > 0:25:59A-ha! I knew it!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02You lie! You lie like him devil!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Why should you have one and I...?!
0:26:04 > 0:26:06- Don't...- Who's the leader?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09I'm the deputy! It's not fair...!
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Ah, they're over here.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Woooh(!) Getting busy in the bushes.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- No...- Absolutely not.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21- Making the beast with two backpacks(?)- They weren't doing anything, all right?
0:26:21 > 0:26:26- No, they weren't. You can always tell when there's been a bit of tonsil hockey.- Yeah, Joe. Ha-ha-ha!
0:26:26 > 0:26:31Actually, I-I... I'm still changing my socks, if you...
0:26:31 > 0:26:33My feet are naked!
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Thank you, Tom.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40It's all right.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Tom. You know sometimes you form a first impression of someone,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- then you get to know them and you think, I misjudged that person.- Yeah...
0:26:49 > 0:26:54And then you get to know them a bit better, and you think, nope - pretty much got it right first time.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55- Bob...- Yes.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59If you were going to ask a woman out for coffee, it would make sense
0:26:59 > 0:27:04to take her somewhere where the coffee was free, then there's no awkwardness about who's paying...
0:27:04 > 0:27:08- A first date at the crack drop-in centre?- It doesn't sound so good when you...
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- No, I'll push the boat out and take her to Greggs. - Who is the lady in question?
0:27:11 > 0:27:15I don't have to tell you, Bob. You're not the boss of Tom.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22- Bye, then.- Cheerio.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26See you next time, then, Christine.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Yes. We can have another one of our girlie chats.- Yes, I suppose we can.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31What about when you're on holiday with your fella,
0:27:31 > 0:27:35and he can't take his eyes off some hot chick by the pool, what about that?
0:27:35 > 0:27:37- "Girlfriend"!- Bye.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40MOBILE RINGS Oop, there we go.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Hello?
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Yes. Yes, they're still for sale.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49They're trousers...
0:27:49 > 0:27:51two tubes of cloth joined at the top.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54He says £3.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56£4, and I will throw in the boxer shorts.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Looks like we have ourselves a deal. All right, we're coming over now.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02He lives in Aston Clinton.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- Bob...- Yep?- That's my last pair of trousers.- I know.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12- Probably need more trousers. - I agree. - Can you lend me some money?- Yes.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29(Are you all right, Bob...?)
0:28:29 > 0:28:32It's summer in England. Life's so good, it's gone off the scale,
0:28:32 > 0:28:35come back round again into terrible, then carried on till it's good again.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37I've lapped myself!
0:28:37 > 0:28:38ELECTRONIC WHOOPING
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Dreams can come true. I've finally made something of my life, I've found gold!
0:28:43 > 0:28:45Maybe someone else should take the group leadership.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Now it comes.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:49 > 0:28:51E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk