0:00:11 > 0:00:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Hello. Hello.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Good evening, welcome to The Guess List.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27It's one of the few celebrity shows
0:00:27 > 0:00:30where you don't get to vote them off one at a time.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32More's the pity! Here they are...
0:00:32 > 0:00:35He shoots, he scores, it's Gary Lineker!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:37 > 0:00:43She's living the life of Riley, literally, it's Rachel Riley!
0:00:43 > 0:00:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:44 > 0:00:47He's a comedy giant - it's Warwick Davis!
0:00:47 > 0:00:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:52 > 0:00:56He's a friend to the stars. It's Russell Grant!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:01And she's a Lancashire hotpot, Jane Horrocks!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Oh, Jane.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- Jane, Jane, Jane. Mwah, mwah.- Mwah!
0:01:10 > 0:01:11Please.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Well, well, well.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Look at that.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Look at that, eh?
0:01:21 > 0:01:25Goodness me, oh! I've got more stars on my freezer.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Russell Grant, Russell.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35The man who Len Goodman said put the show into show business,
0:01:35 > 0:01:36isn't that lovely?
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- It's lovely.- I saw you on it, I say you put the rot into foxtrot.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43That was my highest score.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45- What, your foxtrot?- My foxtrot.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Bruno said, "You're doing a real foxtrot there, Russell,
0:01:49 > 0:01:50- "a real foxtrot."- No, he didn't.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53He said, "Your-ah doing-ah real-ah foxtrot der, Russell!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55"It's-ah real-ah foxtrot!"
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- Absolutely.- And then he probably said something a bit risque...
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- Yes.- ..and you could see that look in his eyes where he thinks,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04"Have I just lost the best job of ma bloody life?"
0:02:04 > 0:02:10- What did you find the easiest to do? Was it the foxtrot?- No, the samba.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- The samba.- I love the samba, yeah. The samba is just a great, great number.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17In fact, Rachel and I have been doing a samba in my dressing room.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21- He's just taught me. He was my first samba. - I wondered what that noise was.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Rachel Riley.- Rob Brydon. - Dressed like a vegetarian wasp.
0:02:27 > 0:02:32- That was the dress code, wasn't it? - They say, Rachel, don't they,
0:02:32 > 0:02:38that the young of today are just binge-drinking idiots...
0:02:39 > 0:02:43..but you... you prove the young can be clever...
0:02:43 > 0:02:44and binge drinking!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Who told you? - I smelt the dressing room, Rachel.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- Warwick.- Hello, Rob.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57How lovely to meet a showbiz man with a happy marriage, eh?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Your wife puts you on a pedestal.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04No, OK. All right, all right. All right. All right. No...
0:03:04 > 0:03:07APPLAUSE
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Forgive me. There'll be no more short jokes.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- Thank you.- It's just I rarely get the chance, you see.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- Absolutely. - I've got to grab it when I can.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19Well, I was actually worried about blocking you as I crossed your shot earlier on as you came on.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:25 > 0:03:28In a change to my earlier announcement,
0:03:28 > 0:03:29there will be more short jokes.
0:03:29 > 0:03:34- It's lovely to have you here, have a lovely night tonight. - Thank you, Rob.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Now, here is someone...
0:03:36 > 0:03:42Yes. Perhaps... Perhaps the most beloved footballer.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Well, certainly on this series, he's the only one.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50Now, in the '86 World Cup you won the Golden Boot. Let's take a look.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Look at that.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Yes.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00I mean, Gary, never mind football, looking at that, if the football
0:04:00 > 0:04:04went wrong, you could make a living in pantomime as Prince Charming.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Or if they'd already cast the Prince, how about an Ugly Sister?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- Have a good show tonight.- Thank you.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15APPLAUSE
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Finally, a bit of class on the panel.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24One of our finest actresses and now...
0:04:24 > 0:04:29the most recent film, Sunshine On Leith. It's a musical, isn't it?
0:04:29 > 0:04:30- Yes, it is.- Yes.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32It's a musical with The Proclaimers songs.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35All songs by The Proclaimers.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Now, I've not seen it yet, but I want to see it.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41And do you know how far I'd be willing to walk to see that film?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43LAUGHTER
0:04:43 > 0:04:47That's our panel tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Let's meet the contestants.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57And it's Hayley and Jon. Welcome, both of you.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- Hayley, you first, tell us where you're from.- I'm from Portsmouth.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- Down on the South Coast, and a teacher.- Yeah, yep.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Now, what do you teach? - I teach religious studies.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Not a proper subject then, just...
0:05:11 > 0:05:13What made you choose it?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15I had just always been interested in the subject
0:05:15 > 0:05:17and liked working with children, so they went together.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- You've got a show business side to you as well, cos...- I do, yep.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22..tell us that little sideline you had for a while.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Well, whilst at university, I was part of an ABBA tribute band.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- An ABBA tribute act.- I know...
0:05:28 > 0:05:30- Does Your Mother Know?- Uh-huh.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35It's the title of one of their songs, Gary.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Now, Jon, the exciting thing about you, Jon,
0:05:40 > 0:05:45- you successfully landed your dream job.- I have, I'm an airline pilot.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- An airline pilot. - AUDIENCE:- Whoo!
0:05:48 > 0:05:52I'll tell you what, it puts religious education teacher into perspective, doesn't it?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54You were all thinking it.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- It wasn't easy for you, was it? - No, no.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59I've had a lot of jobs getting there.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03So I've been a healthcare assistant, physiotherapist...
0:06:03 > 0:06:06What is a healthcare assistant?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09It's helping out on the ward, assisting the patients, helping nurses...
0:06:09 > 0:06:11With no medical knowledge whatsoever.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15"I'm just here, really, making up the numbers, you know.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18"I can help you carry things, but to be very honest with you,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21"I don't know the first thing about medicine.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23"Anyway, best of luck."
0:06:23 > 0:06:26So, we're very lucky to have you here at all, aren't we?
0:06:26 > 0:06:30Because this man has moved around more than anyone I've ever met.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Give us a taste of your movements over the years.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Ooh, I've lived in about 16, 17 different houses
0:06:36 > 0:06:38over three countries.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- And the furthest was...? - New Zealand.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- You've lived in New Zealand. Pakistan.- Pakistan, yeah.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- And where are you now?- High Wycombe.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50You never lose that wandering spirit, do you?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Ladies and gentlemen, Hayley and Jon.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:57 > 0:07:00So, now, here's how the show is going to work, OK?
0:07:00 > 0:07:04I'm going to ask you some questions about life in the UK. You come up with the answers.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Our celebrity panel, they're going to help you,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10they're going to write down what they think the answer might be.
0:07:10 > 0:07:15You don't have to take anything they say, you can go your own way.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19Whoever does the best will go through to the final with a chance to win a prize. OK?
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Right, you get your thinking caps on,
0:07:21 > 0:07:24let's take a look at the first question. It's for Hayley.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25There it is.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Our panel, you get writing. You get thinking, start jotting it down.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Mrs Brydon and I, we argue about the same things
0:07:39 > 0:07:42we argue about at home, we're just in swimwear.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45All right, now then.
0:07:48 > 0:07:49Russell Grant says...
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- Money. The lack of it, the spending of it?- General money.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Money is the root of all evil.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03No, sir, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- Am I right, religious person? - No, no, you're right, yep.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- Well done.- Rachel Riley.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- Holidays, where do you holiday? - Holiday?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- Wherever I can get. - A beach holiday?- A beach holiday?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- Hawaii's pretty nice.- I picture you lying on a Hawaiian beach...
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- Yeah? - Towel, towel, consonant, towel.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- What...?- Nice.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Bing!
0:08:30 > 0:08:34What's the most common cause of couples arguing on holiday?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36And Rachel Riley says...
0:08:36 > 0:08:41- Ap-Ap... What do you say, Rachel? - Applying sun cream.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44You're good with numbers, but your handwriting is appalling.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- Apples? Something to do with apples? - Applying sun cream.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Oh, applying sun cream, sorry, sorry.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51So, the wife's saying, "Can you do my back?"
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Yeah, and you just want to, you know, be asleep or relax with...
0:08:54 > 0:08:57you know, a cocktail, and they're like, "Can you put some more cream on?"
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- Oh.- That kind of thing. - You don't like that, do you?
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- No, I'm quite lazy, I just want to be asleep in the sun. - What I call selfish.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- Warwick, what sort of holidays do you go on?- Caravanning holidays.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10- Caravanning?- Yeah.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- So you like an active holiday? - Yeah, well...
0:09:12 > 0:09:14You don't like to just lose yourself in a book?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17LAUGHTER
0:09:19 > 0:09:21You asked for it, fella. You asked for it.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I was happy to call a truce, I told you that,
0:09:24 > 0:09:28and you came back with more. Now, what does Warwick say?
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Beach or bar. So, in other words, what to do.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Exactly, couples argue over, you know, where they want to be.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39The wife probably wants to be on the beach, the husband, the bar.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42You favour the bar, you're what I call a heavy drinker, aren't you?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44What?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I'm-I'm not saying it's a problem.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- Should I say it before you do?- Yes.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51I only drink shorts.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Now, Gary Lineker, look at this man.
0:09:58 > 0:10:03Can I just say, your autobiography, we went on holiday last time,
0:10:03 > 0:10:07very long flight, I took your autobiography, fantastic.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Cos I can't normally sleep on a plane, it was... It was...
0:10:12 > 0:10:16- No, there was something in it, Gary. - That's... That's good.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- Did you write it yourself? - I-I-I haven't done one, so obviously not, no.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Well. You know what that sound is, don't you?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- Yeah.- One of our writers being dropped from a great height.
0:10:36 > 0:10:41Gary Lineker says arguing on holiday, they argue about...
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Wearing each other's swimwear.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- Can I explain? - I think you should explain.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I thought you said what YOU did on holiday.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- What caused most arguments for when YOU go on holiday.- Me?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57So what you're saying, just to be clear,
0:10:57 > 0:11:01I'm known in the business for my cross-dressing,
0:11:01 > 0:11:04which my wife endorses?
0:11:05 > 0:11:08And you think the short jokes are bad?!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13- Right, Lancashire lass.- Mm.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Award-winning actress, of course.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Little Voice, what a wonderful film that was, who saw that?
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- Yes. - APPLAUSE
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Would you treat us to your lovely Shirley Bassey
0:11:24 > 0:11:27and we could create some vocal magic together, would you do that? Would she do that?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- AUDIENCE:- Yes! - Come on, Jane. Come on!
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Oh! Anything you like, Jane, what are you going to do for us?
0:11:36 > 0:11:39# The minute you walked in the joint
0:11:39 > 0:11:42# I could see you were a man of distinction
0:11:42 > 0:11:44# A real big spender
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- # Good... - Good-looking, so refined
0:11:47 > 0:11:48# I can tell... #
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- Oh, I've lost the words! - She's forgotten the words!
0:11:51 > 0:11:57# I don't pop my cork for every guy I see
0:11:57 > 0:11:59# Hey, big spender... #
0:11:59 > 0:12:01- IMPERSONATES TOM JONES:- "Huh! Oh!"
0:12:04 > 0:12:06"I like the tone of your voice.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09"Huh. If you were on my team... Hmmph.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13"You could help me out of the chair."
0:12:19 > 0:12:25All right. Now then, let's take a look at Jane Horrocks' answer.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29What do couples argue about most on holiday? Jane Horrocks says...
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Yes, map reading, that's a very good one. Right, put all the answers up.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36There's your guess list. Now, Hayley.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37What about you, when you're on holiday?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I think I have to agree with Warwick,
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I think we definitely squabble over what to do.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I like to lie there reading a book, but other people like to go
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- and do things.- Mm, not everyone loves the Bible every minute of the day.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51That's true, that's true. Indeed.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55"Love, please, enough with Proverbs!
0:12:55 > 0:12:57"Put it down."
0:12:57 > 0:12:59All right, Hayley.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02So, what is the commonest cause of couples arguing on holiday?
0:13:02 > 0:13:03You say...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- What they're going to do. - What they're going to do.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07The actual answer is...
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- Ooh! - HAYLEY: Ah!
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Men ogling other women on the beach.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Gary, I've seen photos of you on the beach with your wife,
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I bet men are staring all the time.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22And I know what they're thinking, "Why is she with him?"
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Danielle is there, silently mouthing to passers-by...
0:13:28 > 0:13:29HE MOUTHS
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- So, Hayley, no points for you there, I'm afraid.- Oh, well.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Jon, you're up next. Let's take a look at your question.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49So the worst feature of a man? You start writing now, celebrities.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53I'll tell you what they find attractive -
0:13:53 > 0:13:55a powerful, commanding chin.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57LAUGHTER
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Yeah? Right.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Coming to you first, Russell. You knew that already.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10What did 46% of...? Oh, I've seen what Jane Horrocks has written.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14I'm going to get you to say that one out loud in a minute.
0:14:14 > 0:14:1746% of women say they found what...?
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Russell Grant says...
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Smelly, like BO.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28- Smelly.- Mm.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30So men not having a good...
0:14:30 > 0:14:35Yeah, halitosis, smells, anything that's vile and horrible.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- You know, bad breath, of course... - That's halitosis.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Well, thank you, Professor Grant(!)
0:14:41 > 0:14:45- I spend a lot of my time now with Rachel Riley... - What are you trying to say?!
0:14:45 > 0:14:50I'm not saying you've got halitosis, I meant I know what the word means.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54- I think rudeness can be very upsetting, can't it, Rachel? - Stop stirring.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56When a man just... When a man just insults you.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59We had an agreement backstage, all the crew,
0:14:59 > 0:15:01we weren't going to mention your breath.
0:15:02 > 0:15:09OK, so, 46% of women, the most unattractive thing in a man.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Rachel Riley says...
0:15:12 > 0:15:17Hairy back? Have you in your time encountered men with hairy backs?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Well, you know when you're on the beach and you're not ogling
0:15:19 > 0:15:22women, but you see the men that are just kind of gorilla-y?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24That's just horrible, isn't it?
0:15:24 > 0:15:28- You couldn't love a man with a hairy back?- Not in that way.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31LAUGHTER
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Well, in what way could you love him?
0:15:35 > 0:15:40What, if he let you comb him every afternoon, you might enjoy that?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43All right, hairy back. Now then, Warwick.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47What does Warwick's wife love most about you physically,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49not what she doesn't, what does she like about you the most?
0:15:51 > 0:15:52- Erm...- Don't say that.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- Everything, she likes everything about me. - She likes the whole package.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- The whole package, that's what I deliver.- As do we all.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06We all love the package, yes, we do.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Yes.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14- Again... What are you doing? - Nothing, nothing. All right, so.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21And Warwick Davis says...
0:16:21 > 0:16:22- Their feet.- Yeah.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Women don't like men's feet?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Well, I'd imagine there's some men with weird feet.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Your feet can be neglected, can't they?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Oh, yeah, cos they're a long way away. Well, not for me. - Not so much for you.- Ah!
0:16:38 > 0:16:41That was... That was a race to get in there!
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Now, Gary Lineker. A lot of women...find the...
0:16:47 > 0:16:51A lot of women find the ability to cook very attractive.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- Now, Gary Lineker in the kitchen... Can you cook?- Not very good.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- You tried once.- I do try.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- You tried a big Christmas lunch. - I...
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Yes, I did.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Share your humiliation with our friends.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08- Well, I, you know, do as you do, you put the turkey in, don't you?- Mm.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11And then you wait for a while before you...
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Maybe add the spuds, don't you?
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Three hours or something you go back, see how the turkey's doing
0:17:17 > 0:17:21and...took it out to just...turn it round a little bit and it was...
0:17:21 > 0:17:23I hadn't switched the oven on.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25LAUGHTER
0:17:25 > 0:17:29- Now, you may laugh...- It's true. - No, you may, you may laugh.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31I can understand that, you know, you've put it in,
0:17:31 > 0:17:34you come back after say an hour, you look in,
0:17:34 > 0:17:37you see something golden-brown and crispy,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40you think it's happening, it's your reflection!
0:17:45 > 0:17:50What did 46% of women say they found physically
0:17:50 > 0:17:54unattractive in a man, Gary Lineker says...
0:17:55 > 0:17:57- AUDIENCE:- Aw! - No, nonsense.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01You're being self-deprecating again, aren't you?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- Well, what're you trying to say? - Cos... Look how small my ears are...
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- Yeah, they're tiny. - Look. Look, look.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08The two of us together, look at that, look at that.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10This is like Sesame Street.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13# One of these things is not like the other. #
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- Jane Horrocks. Jane Horrocks.- Oh!
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Before we get on to your attempt to bring down the BBC...
0:18:26 > 0:18:29..I'm told you once had a sex scene in a film
0:18:29 > 0:18:32in which you were head to toe in chocolate.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36That's a very avant-garde production of Willy Wonka.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41A bit FLAKY, was it over in a WHISPER?
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- AUDIENCE:- Oh! - Did he push your CHOCOLATE BUTTONS?
0:18:44 > 0:18:46I bet you REVELLED in it.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Did you keep your SNICKERS on?
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Yeah, yeah. These are quality gags, quality gags.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00QUALITY STREET gags.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09You've had your bit... when I was there.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I'm now with one of our finest actresses.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14I'm so sorry, Jane.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Jane, in bed, were you a real MALTESER?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28No-No-No, I'll get one in a minute, hang on.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Did he have his MILKY WAY with you?
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Come on, come on.
0:19:38 > 0:19:43So, Jane. Jane, Jane, Jane. There's no getting away from it, is there?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46In a recent survey, what did 46% of women say
0:19:46 > 0:19:49they found most physically unattractive in a man?
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Smelly balls.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54LAUGHTER
0:20:01 > 0:20:03APPLAUSE
0:20:08 > 0:20:11You know what? He thought tonight...
0:20:11 > 0:20:16- "I held you in such high esteem." - Bit of a whiff.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17LAUGHTER
0:20:22 > 0:20:23You're right!
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Do I have to change my answer?
0:20:27 > 0:20:28LAUGHTER
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Thank you, Jane Horrocks.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Let's look at all those lovely, cultured,
0:20:36 > 0:20:39intelligent answers together.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Right, Jon.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42There's your list of profanities.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45That's the Guess List. What are you thinking?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48I was thinking possibly hairy back,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51but I'm going to go with pot belly.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- Pot belly?- Yeah.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Well, that didn't even come up from our celebrities.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- So you're going to say a pot belly. - Yeah.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00All right, let's see if you're right.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02What do women find most physically unattractive in a man?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04The answer is...
0:21:06 > 0:21:07LAUGHTER
0:21:07 > 0:21:09- Man boobs!- So close!- Man boobs.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Oh, Russell, I'm sorry.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13LAUGHTER
0:21:13 > 0:21:15But I haven't got smelly balls.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16LAUGHTER
0:21:18 > 0:21:19Neither have I!
0:21:19 > 0:21:21LAUGHTER
0:21:21 > 0:21:25He says I have them. There is no proof!
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Anyway, I've been stood here all night.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32LAUGHTER
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Tell them. Please.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Of course you don't, Rob.- Thank you.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44Jon, you're wrong. Hayley, your chance.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Let's take a look at your question. Hayley's question is...
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Celebrities, start writing.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- Are you a mother?- Yeah, I've got a five-month-old daughter.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- Just five months!- Yeah. Yeah.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03I immediately looked at your stomach and you've got your figure back.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05I did. I...
0:22:05 > 0:22:10I honestly did, and I thought, "She's noticed, so I better
0:22:10 > 0:22:14"front up and just admit it." And I can report she's looking wonderful.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16LAUGHTER
0:22:16 > 0:22:21So, how do mothers discipline? The naughty step, of course.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Yes, works well in our house.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25When Mrs Brydon wants to discipline the children,
0:22:25 > 0:22:27that's where I go and hide.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30I say "our children" - I've no proof.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31LAUGHTER
0:22:34 > 0:22:38Russell Grant, man who put the "horror" in "horoscope".
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Which is the most common phrase used by British mums
0:22:41 > 0:22:45when disciplining their kids? Russell Grant says...
0:22:47 > 0:22:49LAUGHTER
0:22:49 > 0:22:50SLIGHT APPLAUSE
0:22:50 > 0:22:52No, no, don't applaud that. No, no, no.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56How much imagination has gone into that?
0:22:56 > 0:22:57LAUGHTER
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Rachel, what do you think is the most common phrase
0:23:01 > 0:23:04used by British mums when disciplining their children?
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Rachel says...
0:23:08 > 0:23:12I thought it was twofold. It was a message to you as well as an answer.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING
0:23:14 > 0:23:15APPLAUSE
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Where is Carol Vorderman when you need her?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23LAUGHTER
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Right. What's the phrase most commonly used by British mothers
0:23:26 > 0:23:29when disciplining their children? Warwick Davis says...
0:23:31 > 0:23:32LAUGHTER
0:23:33 > 0:23:34APPLAUSE
0:23:42 > 0:23:45- Would you like to apologise to the public?- I think it's...
0:23:45 > 0:23:46You've got to rap with the...
0:23:46 > 0:23:49I mean, "Stop it", that's not going to cut it with today's kids.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- You got to... "I'll kick your ass!" - All these are...
0:23:51 > 0:23:54"No, I'm not doing it any more. Won't do it any more."
0:23:56 > 0:23:58LAUGHTER
0:23:58 > 0:24:03Gary Lineker. People want your opinion, don't they, on sport?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Imagine if I was asking you about tonight's show.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07HE IMITATES MARK LAWRENSON
0:24:07 > 0:24:09LAUGHTER
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- SCOTTISH ACCENT:- It's been a very sloppy show, Gary, hasn't it?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14All of these celebrities.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17I mean, how would you rate Grant, for example, Russell Grant?
0:24:17 > 0:24:18He's all over the place.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20LAUGHTER
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Can I just say, that is the best Mark Lawrenson impression.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27Thank you very much, thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28So...
0:24:30 > 0:24:35I'm told you've not played football since you stopped playing football.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37No...
0:24:37 > 0:24:38LAUGHTER
0:24:38 > 0:24:40That would be true.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42You've not played football at all
0:24:42 > 0:24:44since you stopped playing professionally.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48- Professionally, yeah.- So, what state do you think your skills are at?
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Probably at the same level as they were when I played. Non-existent.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57- Hang around the goal a little bit. - He's so self-deprecating.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I mean, you were no Pele, but you were all right!
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- Tell you what...- I'll take that!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Tell you what. Look what I've got, Gary.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07- APPLAUSE - Come on, big man.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Come on, come and join me. Come on. Come on, come on.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Have you heard of keepie-uppies?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- LAUGHTER - Yes.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Now, for any Welsh people watching, what it is, you've got to keep...
0:25:22 > 0:25:25What you've got to do... That's going out. What you've got to do...
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- LAUGHTER - You've got to...
0:25:28 > 0:25:32Oh, good God! You've got to keep the ball up in the air, OK?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Watch this. Watch this.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- LAUGHTER - Shut up!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40MORE LAUGHTER
0:25:41 > 0:25:43AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- OK, OK. I think that was five. - APPLAUSE
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- How many is that?- Five. Pretty good. - Can I just say,
0:25:52 > 0:25:54- I'm staggered! - LAUGHTER
0:25:54 > 0:25:56OK, Gary Lineker. Gary Lineker.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- OK. - AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:26:02 > 0:26:06- APPLAUSE - Yeah, all right. That's all we've got time for.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08- APPLAUSE - Sit down, man. Sit down!
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Blimey!
0:26:15 > 0:26:19Wow! That was better than I was expecting. Well done.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Let's have a look at your answer, then.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Gary says the most commonly used phrase from British mums
0:26:24 > 0:26:27when disciplining their kids is:
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Could you read that for us, Gary? - LAUGHTER
0:26:31 > 0:26:35It's supposed to say, "Do that again and you'll be on the naughty step."
0:26:35 > 0:26:40So, the threat of the naughty step. All right. And, oh, Jane.
0:26:40 > 0:26:45Thank you for bringing some style and dignity. Is this what you say?
0:26:45 > 0:26:47No. LAUGHTER
0:26:47 > 0:26:49- This is what irritates me.- Oh.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Let's take a look at what Jane says.
0:26:51 > 0:26:56The most commonly used phrase when disciplining children is:
0:26:56 > 0:27:00- "Please don't do that, darling!" - LAUGHTER
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- What's your approach, then? - Same as Warwick's!
0:27:04 > 0:27:06- LAUGHTER - All right.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Let's take a look at all the answers.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Now then, there is your Guess List, Hayley.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18I do like the naughty step
0:27:18 > 0:27:22but I think I'm actually going to go for, "This is your final warning."
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Remember, you don't have to choose any of those. You can have your own.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Yeah. I'll go for mine, "This is your final warning."
0:27:28 > 0:27:31All right. That's what Hayley's saying. Let's see if you're right.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34What is the most common phrase used to discipline kids?
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- You two are useless! - LAUGHTER
0:27:42 > 0:27:45"Ask your father", of course, is a very popular response.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49Especially if the question is, "Who got the nanny pregnant?"
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- LAUGHTER AND GROANS - Hayley...
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- Is this a coach party of nannies? - LAUGHTER
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Hayley, no points for you there, I'm afraid.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05But what we can do is give you the opportunity to extend
0:28:05 > 0:28:07the hand of friendship to one of our panel
0:28:07 > 0:28:10because you have a curious connection, don't you?
0:28:10 > 0:28:13- I do.- Who is it with?- Gary.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17LAUGHTER
0:28:17 > 0:28:21Gary. Little Ivy is five months old.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23We thought this would be the perfect opportunity
0:28:23 > 0:28:25for you to meet this girl.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27What's the connection?
0:28:27 > 0:28:30It's more of an apology from my mother-in-law.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33- What the hell have you been doing? - LAUGHTER
0:28:33 > 0:28:36- It gets worse!- You sit there
0:28:36 > 0:28:39with that butter-wouldn't-melt smile on your face!
0:28:39 > 0:28:43A few years ago, they were on holiday in the Canaries
0:28:43 > 0:28:46and she's a big fan of yours and they saw you drop ten euros
0:28:46 > 0:28:50and she thought...picked it up and thought it'd be a good opportunity
0:28:50 > 0:28:53to meet you but she decided instead to take the money
0:28:53 > 0:28:56and buy a round of drinks. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:28:56 > 0:28:58I know!
0:29:01 > 0:29:03Not good!
0:29:03 > 0:29:05Have you any idea how much sleep I've lost over that?
0:29:05 > 0:29:08LAUGHTER I'll let her know.
0:29:08 > 0:29:12I think you'd rather have heard you fathered a child!
0:29:13 > 0:29:16Right, next question, Jon, is for you. Here it is:
0:29:23 > 0:29:27- LAUGHTER - Start writing. Start thinking.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30A woman's most annoying habit.
0:29:30 > 0:29:32Jon, could it be that relentless psychological
0:29:32 > 0:29:36- undermining of our masculinity? - LAUGHTER
0:29:36 > 0:29:38Just a thought. Right.
0:29:38 > 0:29:43Once again, Russell, I feel you're a passenger in this round.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45LAUGHTER
0:29:45 > 0:29:49A woman's most annoying habit.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51- The authority, Russell Grant. - HE GIGGLES
0:29:57 > 0:30:01- Yes.- Russell Grant says:
0:30:01 > 0:30:03Late cos of getting ready.
0:30:03 > 0:30:08- The women taking too long.- Make-up. - Wanting to wear clothes.- Yeah.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10All that.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12Rachel Riley.
0:30:12 > 0:30:15Very good with numbers, though she didn't want mine.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17LAUGHTER
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Rachel says:
0:30:20 > 0:30:23- Always being right. - APPLAUSE
0:30:23 > 0:30:27- There you go. Thank you. - The woman always being right.
0:30:29 > 0:30:30- Warwick?- Yes.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33What is a woman's most annoying feature,
0:30:33 > 0:30:39- do you think men would say, Warwick? - Well, I think it's talking.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42You think it's talking. Let's have a look.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - No, don't hate him. Don't hate him.
0:30:44 > 0:30:48- This isn't what YOU think. This is what you think men think.- Exactly.
0:30:48 > 0:30:52This isn't what I think personally. No, no. Absolutely, ladies.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54What do you think personally?
0:30:54 > 0:30:58- You were saying the other day to me, you were saying equal rights.- Was I?
0:30:58 > 0:31:00That's what you hate most about women.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03What was it about they should never have been given the vote?
0:31:03 > 0:31:07Do you remember? You don't. You had been drinking heavily.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09Surely you remember.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13All right, OK. So, Warwick says talking.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15Warwick says talking. Down to Mr Lineker.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19Twitter, Gary. One of my favourite...
0:31:19 > 0:31:22Twittering...Twittering, Twittering, tweeting...
0:31:23 > 0:31:25- I got twatted today. - LAUGHTER
0:31:28 > 0:31:31- Do you mind if I read a few of yours out?- Go on, then.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33This is from Gary Lineker.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36"The World Cup is every four years
0:31:36 > 0:31:39"so it's going to be a perennial problem."
0:31:39 > 0:31:41- LAUGHTER - Very good.
0:31:41 > 0:31:45"If somebody in the crowd spits at you, you've got to swallow it."
0:31:45 > 0:31:47AUDIENCE GROANS
0:31:47 > 0:31:52And my favourite, writing about Wimbledon last year Gary said,
0:31:52 > 0:31:55"Beautiful summer's day and a huge semi.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58- "It doesn't get much better." - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:59 > 0:32:03Very funny. Very funny.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07What do you think, Gary,
0:32:07 > 0:32:10men consider to be women's most annoying habit?
0:32:10 > 0:32:14- I think they would have probably gone with breathing.- Breathing?
0:32:14 > 0:32:16AUDIENCE GASPS
0:32:16 > 0:32:21- Not me! Not me!- You are witnessing how a crowd can turn.
0:32:22 > 0:32:27Hayley, it's reminiscent of that scene with Barabbas, isn't it?
0:32:27 > 0:32:29LAUGHTER
0:32:29 > 0:32:32Jane, what do men say is a woman's most annoying habit?
0:32:32 > 0:32:34Jane Horrocks says:
0:32:34 > 0:32:36LAUGHTER
0:32:36 > 0:32:40Going on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44Let's take a look at all those answers together.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46That's the Guess List, Jon.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49It's a ramshackle collection at best, isn't it?
0:32:49 > 0:32:52Of course, you don't have to go with any of those
0:32:52 > 0:32:56and I kind of recommend you didn't. You can come up with your own.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58See, I think it's just time getting ready.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00Let's see if you were right, then.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03What do men say is a woman's most annoying habit? The answer is:
0:33:05 > 0:33:07- AUDIENCE GROAN - Oh.
0:33:07 > 0:33:09Saying "I'm fine" when they're not.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13Peculiar one to have.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15Other annoying habits,
0:33:15 > 0:33:18according to men in the survey, were women talking too much. Yes.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20Constantly asking what men are thinking
0:33:20 > 0:33:23- and winning arguments by crying. - LAUGHTER
0:33:25 > 0:33:28- So, Jon.- Yeah.- Nil points.
0:33:30 > 0:33:33We've reached that part of the show were we check out the score
0:33:33 > 0:33:36- to see... - LAUGHTER
0:33:36 > 0:33:39..who's going to be playing for the prize.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42- Let's have a look. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:33:43 > 0:33:46Well played, well played.
0:33:49 > 0:33:53Well, I hope you're proud. We're going to have a tie-break.
0:33:53 > 0:33:58One question for both of you, OK. It's a number question.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01The answer will be a number. Want you to write it down.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05Whoever's closest will win and go through to the final for a prize.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08OK. Let's take a look at the question.
0:34:15 > 0:34:19Put Gary's experiences to one side here.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22OK. Have a little think.
0:34:27 > 0:34:31You've got your answers down. Let's take a look at what you're saying.
0:34:31 > 0:34:35Jon says three, Hayley says four. Very low.
0:34:35 > 0:34:38Let's take a look and see who's closest. The actual answer is...
0:34:38 > 0:34:41Four! Hayley is spot on! Yay!
0:34:41 > 0:34:44APPLAUSE
0:34:44 > 0:34:46Sadly, we have to say goodbye to you, Jon.
0:34:46 > 0:34:50It's been lovely having you on. Thanks very much.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Hayley, you're going through to the final.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54APPLAUSE
0:34:59 > 0:35:03- All right, Hayley. You are in the final.- Yes!- This is exciting.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06- It is!- Never has anyone deserved it less.
0:35:06 > 0:35:11- LAUGHTER - One more question for you to face.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13Once again, the answer is a number.
0:35:13 > 0:35:16Now, the panel are going to give their guesses,
0:35:16 > 0:35:19OK, just to give you a feel for the question, all right?
0:35:19 > 0:35:23And now that I feel that I've got to know you,
0:35:23 > 0:35:26I've got the perfect prize for you.
0:35:26 > 0:35:30Tonight you're playing for an all-expenses-paid trip
0:35:30 > 0:35:33for you and your husband to the ABBA Museum in Stockholm.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35APPLAUSE
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Amazing!
0:35:40 > 0:35:43It's what we all dream of.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46You will be able to relive the days of your very poorly received
0:35:46 > 0:35:48ABBA tribute act.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52All right. Now then. Let's take a look at that final question.
0:35:52 > 0:35:54Here it is.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56This is what standing between you
0:35:56 > 0:35:59and looking at some clothes that were once worn by ABBA.
0:36:06 > 0:36:08Have a little think about that.
0:36:08 > 0:36:12Celebrities, just start writing it down. OK.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14First of all, we'll see what our panel thinks
0:36:14 > 0:36:16but then I'm going to make it really easy for you
0:36:16 > 0:36:19and I'm going to give you two choices.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22The right answer and a wrong answer. 50-50.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24Now, Russell.
0:36:24 > 0:36:29Russell thinks the percentage of men who go to work without washing...
0:36:29 > 0:36:3176? Good Lord, Russell!
0:36:31 > 0:36:33All right, OK.
0:36:33 > 0:36:36Rachel Riley thinks it's...
0:36:36 > 0:36:39- Thank you, Rachel.- I know a lot of clean men. They all wash.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41I was going to go lower
0:36:41 > 0:36:44but there's actually a boy in the audience that's going, "65%!"
0:36:44 > 0:36:46He made me go up but obviously,
0:36:46 > 0:36:48there's a very dirty boy in the audience.
0:36:48 > 0:36:52- LAUGHTER - You've just made his day, Rachel!
0:36:52 > 0:36:54LAUGHTER
0:36:54 > 0:36:56Warwick thinks the percentage is...
0:36:56 > 0:36:5840%.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01Gary Lineker thinks that the percentage of men
0:37:01 > 0:37:03who go to work without washing is...
0:37:03 > 0:37:0631%. And Jane Horrocks...
0:37:06 > 0:37:09- Remember, Jane specialises in... - LAUGHTER
0:37:09 > 0:37:12Jane says...
0:37:12 > 0:37:1540%. OK. There we go.
0:37:15 > 0:37:19Bear those in mind but here are your two choices.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21It's either:
0:37:23 > 0:37:25That's tricky. What are you thinking?
0:37:25 > 0:37:27I want you to win this so take your time.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30Well, I don't want to believe it's 5%
0:37:30 > 0:37:35and I guess 24 is closer to what everyone else has gone.
0:37:35 > 0:37:37Most of the men I know do wash, I think.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39You smell beautiful. LAUGHTER
0:37:42 > 0:37:45- Hayley, what are you going to say? - I'll go for...
0:37:47 > 0:37:49I don't know now! LAUGHTER
0:37:50 > 0:37:54- 58%.- 58%. That's a lot of smelly men.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57- That is a lot of smelly men. - Hayley is saying 58%.
0:37:57 > 0:38:00I really hope you're right because after all, The Winner Takes It All.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03AUDIENCE GROANS
0:38:03 > 0:38:06The actual answer is...
0:38:06 > 0:38:08- Yay! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:12 > 0:38:15Fantastic! You've done it! Well done, Hayley.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18You've won the all-expenses-paid trip for you and your husband
0:38:18 > 0:38:21to the ABBA Museum in Stockholm.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24That's all for tonight. Well done to Hayley.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Thanks to our panel of stars -
0:38:26 > 0:38:32Russell Grant, Rachel Riley, Warwick Davis,
0:38:32 > 0:38:36- Gary Lineker and Jane Horrocks. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:36 > 0:38:40Thank you for watching and good night.