0:00:00 > 0:00:02Let us begin.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Get some placards and paint and phone Rent A Mob.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08We're not going down without a fight.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11I need you to tell me where Richie is.
0:00:11 > 0:00:12I won't do it.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15We pass you to him, we pass him to you.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17We pass you to him, we pass him to you.
0:00:17 > 0:00:21History will not be repeated.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23HE GROANS
0:00:23 > 0:00:27In this house, we don't die.
0:00:29 > 0:00:34There are many theories surrounding the abduction of the journalist
0:00:34 > 0:00:36and the council worker
0:00:36 > 0:00:39and speculation still surrounds the motive.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Disturbing scenes there.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41And what exactly does he mean
0:00:41 > 0:00:45when he says "We are a local shop for local people?"
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Is he implying we're unwilling to trade with other territories...?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50No, no, it's the exact opposite,
0:00:50 > 0:00:54he's saying we've had enough of what he calls "petty meddling."
0:00:54 > 0:00:57We own a shop, a good shop...
0:00:57 > 0:00:58- TELEVISION:- ..a shop we should be proud of,
0:00:58 > 0:01:01and I, for one, am sick of people trying to talk our country down...
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Poppycock. Piping words into my mouth.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Now, apparently the Daily Mail want to speak to us.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08That's just a phoner...
0:01:08 > 0:01:09And then they want us
0:01:09 > 0:01:11on the Andrew Marr show on Sunday morning...
0:01:11 > 0:01:14No screens at the table, Tubbs. You know what I said!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- You're becoming addicted. - One sec, just update my Insta...
0:01:17 > 0:01:18No! Give it to me.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25We are local news for local people.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28We are of no interest to the outside world.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35The siege is entering it's second day in the town of Royston Vasey...
0:01:37 > 0:01:40VOICES IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES
0:01:59 > 0:02:01No comment!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Leave me alone!
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Another communication from the police.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40They're worried we're mistreating the hostages...
0:02:42 > 0:02:44We're not mistreating you, are we?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I did a trumpet on my one!
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Ooop!
0:02:49 > 0:02:53I know you're very angry about this boundary change...
0:02:53 > 0:02:55How many more times - we don't like change!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57If we had Apple Pay we wouldn't need change!
0:02:57 > 0:02:58Silence.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02I'm sure if you told the authorities what your demands were,
0:03:02 > 0:03:03they would be willing to do a deal.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Local authorities?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07I suppose so.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Very well.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Let's talk shop.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Ooh! Come on, you beggar.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Yeah, I'll have that mix for you by lunchtime tomorrow.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I'll push the bass on it, get it pumping.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Yeah. I'll catch you later.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46That's all done for you now, Mr Tim.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Hey, no worries. Call me Slim.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53That's what I was known as on the Manchester Scene, back in the '90s.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56You know anything about the music business?
0:03:56 > 0:04:01No, not really. It's all about the polishing for me now.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Has to be.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Not like it used to be, of course.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09I've got a million-pound recording studio in here.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Have you? I saw you had an en-suite, but...
0:04:11 > 0:04:14No. All in here. Amazing what they can do these days.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19Anyway, I'm wasting your time - you've got floors to polish.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20No, no, no, no. It's fascinating.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I remember what things used to be like,
0:04:22 > 0:04:26patchbays full of cables like spaghetti.
0:04:26 > 0:04:27You were in a band?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32We didn't do too bad. Pub scene, you know.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36The Whip next to City Varieties. Did a bit of telly.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Did the pilot of Get It Together with Roy North and Olly the Owl.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Non-broadcast, like.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46I played on Mississippi by Pussycat. Demo.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50We had our own outfit - Creme Brulee. You might have heard of us?
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- No.- No, no, I expect not.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56So you packed it all in, then?
0:04:56 > 0:05:01Yeah. I did have a go on my own, but pipe dreams, you know.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Well. I best get on, Mr Slim.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07I'll leave you me card in case you want these doing again.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11They should be all right for a few months, but they do tend to scuff...
0:05:12 > 0:05:13..over time.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Well, I'll bear that in mind. Good luck.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Les...
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43TRANSLATION: Growing up in Herzoslovakia in 1970s,
0:05:43 > 0:05:44times were dark.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48We could only eat mice and make love to our fathers.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53But there was one light in darkness - Sweet Suite by Leslie McQueen.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04What are we fancying love?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Um, probably have my usual calamari.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09I'm not that hungry, actually.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Probably just going to go for four or five starters.
0:06:12 > 0:06:13Oh, no...
0:06:13 > 0:06:15What?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Hey, Luigi! The party's here!
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Ah, my favourite signora. You want to sit in the window?
0:06:21 > 0:06:22Yeah, all right.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24No, no, we want to be in the middle, don't we, Scott?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27We don't get to come out very often.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Speaking of which, hello, Charlie!
0:06:30 > 0:06:31Stella.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Would you like me to push the tables together so you are one group?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36No, you're all right thanks, Luigi.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39We're not together any more.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Look, why don't we get a takeaway?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42No, it's a free country.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44What's the point of having a toy-boy if I can't show you off?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Stop it!
0:06:47 > 0:06:48I'm going for a fag.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55That's what you did, isn't it, Charlie?
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Went for a fag.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- Are you going to let her speak to us like that?- She's fine.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01It's not fine. Stand up to her. Otherwise, you'll never move on.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Yeah, all right, Gordon. You don't have to shove it down my throat.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06- Hah!- I'm going for a ciggy, as well.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Don't try and bum my boyfriend, will you?
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Why not? He might enjoy it. Your last one did.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20I don't. If anything, Gordon prefers...
0:07:20 > 0:07:21I don't want to hear it, Charlie.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Listen, Stella, it's none of my business,
0:07:28 > 0:07:30but the wheelchair,
0:07:30 > 0:07:31the black eye...
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Are you all right?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Luigi! Come and make me laugh like you used to.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46She's deflecting, Luigi.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Can he not allow me to be happy, Luigi?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- I never stopped loving her, Luigi. - I only want to have fun, Luigi.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Gordon never listens to me, Luigi.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Scott's got a temper on him, Luigi.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56He's put so much weight on, Luigi!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58I've got a slow metabolism, Luigi!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- We're going now, Luigi. - Don't let him take me, Luigi.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02She can have hers in a doggy-bag, Luigi.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03I'm just a mouth to him, Luigi.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I pretend it's Stella, Luigi.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- I lie to the doctors, Luigi. - My mother died young, Luigi.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09I'm more lonely when I'm with him, Luigi.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- I've confused love with food, Luigi. - I'm so frightened, Luigi!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- She can't make me hard, Luigi. - Help us, Luigi!
0:08:14 > 0:08:15What do we do, Luigi?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17How do we choose, Luigi?
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Well... Have you looked at the Specials Board?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Oh, no, we haven't, actually!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Oh! You never think to do that, do you?
0:08:41 > 0:08:46Excuse me, sir. We've done our homework. Would you like an apple?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48I told you - no Swot Team.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05You must be Edward?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07That's right.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I'm Gareth Chapman, and I'm a trained hostage negotiator.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- Right. Shall we just.. - Tubbs!
0:09:22 > 0:09:25OK. Do you mind if I...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Please.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29So, um...
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Why don't we start with you telling me your opening position?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35On top with my eyes closed, if it's any of your business.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I know you've said that the hostages aren't for sale at any price.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43This is a shop. Nothing is for sale!
0:09:43 > 0:09:44I appreciate that.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I'm not here to butter you up and then go behind your back.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48That's his opening position.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Tubbs! Why don't you fix our guest a drink?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Use a clean glass.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Now, you must appreciate that I can't negotiate
0:10:01 > 0:10:04without establishing whether Ellie and Lindsey are safe and sound.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07He's using their names so we see them as people
0:10:07 > 0:10:10rather than bargaining chips.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Very clever trick. All in good time.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18Here. Would you like a chocolate biscuit?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20No, I'm fine, thanks.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I might just let that cool down for a bit.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29I believe you're unhappy with the shape of the county line?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Oh, that's Edward. He likes me to shave it all off.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36But moving the boundary could be good for your new town.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Bring new business investment, more diversity, more customers.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43No!
0:10:43 > 0:10:47For the final time, this is a local shop for local people!
0:10:47 > 0:10:50There's NOTHING for strangers here.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51All right, OK.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I thought it might come to this.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Can I borrow your phone?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02It's only got 32%! Oh, all right.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Yeah, this is the Tin Man. Can I speak to Dorothy?
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Just do it!
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Thank you.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Mr Tattsyrup...
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I have the Prime Minister on the phone for you.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Yes, that's right, we make everything on site.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52- Uh-huh. Yeah, no problem. - MESSAGE BEEPS
0:11:58 > 0:12:01I'll have them for you by the end of the day.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Can I help you? - I hope so, Richie.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11I hope so.
0:12:21 > 0:12:26That's right - walk this way. Slowly. Slowly.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Slowly. Slowly.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Where have I been? So dark.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32So murky.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34You've been a very, very long way away from us,
0:12:34 > 0:12:35but now you're back.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41The clouds are clearing, Valerie. The clouds are clearing.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46But what is this mess?
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Things have just got a little out of hand, that's all.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54A Toilet Duck! I thought I'd banned such things from here.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58This item trivialises the importance of water-closet care.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Who could tolerate such a jovial approach
0:13:00 > 0:13:03to the maintenance and cleanliness of the lavatory pan?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I know, Harvey.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06But it's just it's so much easier
0:13:06 > 0:13:08than using table salt and a toothbrush.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11A toilet is no place for a duck!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Harvey, please...
0:13:13 > 0:13:15What next in this descent?
0:13:18 > 0:13:19A lavatory brush?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22The tool of Satan himself. But how do we clean the brush?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Put it in the sink?
0:13:24 > 0:13:25But the sink is used for washing hands.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Nothing will ever be clean again!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30An endless cycle of foulness and feculence. Gloves!
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I must have gloves!
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Grrr! Look at this mess! Abomination!
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Oh, girls. What have we done?
0:13:38 > 0:13:40A spoon in the knife drawer!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Hey, Murray, have you seen these?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45They're selling them everywhere.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52What's going on?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I thought the tide had turned, the people are on our side?
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Someone from County Hall rang.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Seems the reason for this boundary change
0:13:58 > 0:14:00is because the land's been sold for fracking.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Is that where they all watch each other in cars?
0:14:05 > 0:14:09No, it's heavy drilling, but not the kind you mean.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Seems they didn't want to bother
0:14:10 > 0:14:12with the rigmarole of public consultations.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Easier just to let the town disappear with a bit of paperwork.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18What daft twat signed that?
0:14:20 > 0:14:21You did.
0:14:58 > 0:15:03SHE YELLS
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Whatever happened to man Les McQueen? Rumours abound.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14He shot dead by authorities for inspiring revolutionary fervour.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17He stabbed with poisoned umbrella like Georgy Markov.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21He grow fat and die on toilet like Elvis -
0:15:21 > 0:15:23but public toilet in Todmorden.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Not like Elvis.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Where is Les McQueen now?
0:15:27 > 0:15:31If he were to be found, he would be world famous,
0:15:31 > 0:15:36or quite famous in Herzoslovakia - which is better than nothing.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Oh, Leslie McQueen.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Hey...
0:15:43 > 0:15:46So you see, Les, the offer's there.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I know the right people.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Just sign on the line that is dotted.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53It's all so overwhelming, Mr Slim Tim.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55We could a get a top backing band together.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Ray Stiles from Mud - I used to know his driving instructor.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00And then there's...
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Oh, no. Yewtree.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Les. Les, this is all about you.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Forget the others, forget the band.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- This is Les McGann.- McQueen.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11McQueen! The hero returns.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15All your troubles taken care of. All your dreams come true.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18You've seen the news. This town is going down the pan anyway, probably.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Do you know what?
0:16:27 > 0:16:30On reflection, I don't think so, Mr Slim.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34It is a shit business.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38The thing about polishing -
0:16:38 > 0:16:42you know where you stand, on a floor.
0:16:42 > 0:16:47A polished floor. It's dependable. It's not a fantasy.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49I mean, they do get slippy,
0:16:49 > 0:16:51and you must never put a rug on them afterwards. But...
0:16:53 > 0:16:55It's solid.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Thanks all the same.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02HE SIGHS
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Well, if you're sure.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07I'll see myself out.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14On your knees, Richie. On your knees!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19When I had to go away on my little holiday,
0:17:19 > 0:17:21what was the business I entrust to you?
0:17:22 > 0:17:23- Key cutting.- What's that?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Key cutting business.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28That's right. Key cutting business.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30A key cutter cuts keys.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35Maybe - just maybe - he repairs shoes as well .
0:17:37 > 0:17:40But when he starts dealing in tankards,
0:17:40 > 0:17:44in trophies, in cake slices... Why not sell anything?
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Why not sell big craps in boxes?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- It was just an idea. - An idea that make me bankrupt!
0:17:51 > 0:17:52HE YELLS
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Well, Pop has ideas too, you know.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02You do me in the ass. I do YOU in the ass.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08We're going to see how many Piri-Piri olives
0:18:08 > 0:18:10can fit in one man's shit pipe.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Your shit pipe.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21And we're not going to stop until the whole stinking jar is empty.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26HE LAUGHS
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Oh!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33But you'd better leave some room up there for dessert, Richie...
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Not...
0:18:34 > 0:18:39Yes, nine Maverick bars.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41But, Pop, they don't do Mavericks any more.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42Is OK.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45I brought Picnics.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50HE LAUGHS
0:18:52 > 0:18:55CROWD CHEERS
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Really extraordinary scenes here, Jon.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05We've just heard that the Prime Minister
0:19:05 > 0:19:09has reversed the decision to alter the boundary lines.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10This means that the town
0:19:10 > 0:19:13of Royston Vasey has essentially been saved by this couple
0:19:13 > 0:19:15and they're just coming out now...
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Mr and Mrs Tattsyrup, BBC News.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19You must be delighted with this decision?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Absolutely. This is a victory for common sense.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Our father raised us to stand up to the school-yard bully,
0:19:26 > 0:19:28and that's what we've done here.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29CROWD CHEERS
0:19:29 > 0:19:30And Mrs Tattsyrup,
0:19:30 > 0:19:34you've really managed to put Royston Vasey on the map.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- Map!- Yes.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38And your actions have inspired a lot of people here,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40so do you have a message for them?
0:19:40 > 0:19:45I'd like to thank the Academy and everyone who voted for me.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47There's the bedroom.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50There has been some criticism over your taking of hostages
0:19:50 > 0:19:52to get your message through to the government.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53How would you respond to that?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Well, I used to be in a war...
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Lindsey! Can you hear me?
0:19:57 > 0:20:01And one thing you learn is that the end justifies the means.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- And what do you mean by that? - We didn't cut their faces off!
0:20:19 > 0:20:20Oh, Christ...
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Strangers are not welcome here.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25CROWD CHEERS
0:20:25 > 0:20:28This is a local town for local people!
0:20:28 > 0:20:29CROWD CHEERS
0:20:29 > 0:20:31A local country for local people!
0:20:31 > 0:20:33CROWD CHEERS
0:20:33 > 0:20:36And the will of local people will prevail!
0:20:36 > 0:20:37CROWD CHEERS
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Stop them! Don't let them get away!
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Thank you. We must leave now.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Is there any way you can get me on Strictly?
0:20:48 > 0:20:51CROWD CHANTS
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Stop them! Stop them!
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Guards! Stop them!
0:21:02 > 0:21:04HE GROWLS
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Let that be a lesson to you.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14You ruin everything you touch with your high-minded dreams.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Your head always in the clouds.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20A fairy who loves fairy stories.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23- SHIVERS:- Yes, Pop.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I've been away, but now I'm back.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Back in your life forever.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34You see, Pop is supreme, Pop is invincible!
0:21:34 > 0:21:36- Pop can do anything. - SHOP BELL TINKLES
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Is that right?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Oh, look!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Your Mary-queen brother has come to your rescue
0:21:43 > 0:21:45with his little dolly wife.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51If you're such a big man - why do you need to do this to them?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54You're no man. You're nothing.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59Nothing? A man who once ate a live cat with chips.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04A man who once twist another man's head off
0:22:04 > 0:22:05round the back of Halfords.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09A man who could kill you - like that!
0:22:11 > 0:22:14I bet you couldn't fit inside this jar.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16What?!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18You said you could do anything. Prove it.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20I don't have to prove myself to you.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- So you can't?- You dare doubt?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25If I'm going to die, I can dare anything.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27And I say it's impossible.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Impossible.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31- I don't believe you.- Take care.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32- I never shall.- Never?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Nothing could make me.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Unless I see it with my own eyes.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42Then, whore of an unbeliever, before you die,
0:22:42 > 0:22:45you shall see that for Pop, nothing is impossible.
0:22:45 > 0:22:50- You shall see and believe. - HE LAUGHS WICKEDLY
0:23:07 > 0:23:11No, Richie, no! Not another thousand years...
0:23:11 > 0:23:14I got you! I got you!
0:23:14 > 0:23:15I got you!
0:23:15 > 0:23:19I got you! I got you!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22I got you! I got you! I got you! I got you!
0:23:22 > 0:23:23DOOR TINKLES
0:23:52 > 0:23:55This can't go on, girls. We must somehow get Benjamin back.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Break the spell.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02Benjamin! Why Benjamin?! That agent of misrule.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04That imp of the perverse.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07This name will not be mentioned in this house!
0:24:11 > 0:24:15Who let Benjamin in - this boy?
0:24:16 > 0:24:18But now he is a man?!
0:24:18 > 0:24:21His hands are my hands.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23What is this?
0:24:24 > 0:24:28I'm speaking to Benjamin now. Somewhere inside this.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31You must fight it.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- Fight it!- Where have these hands been?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Even now I can feel them constricted by a sock.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39A sock placed over a fist - itself placed over a male member,
0:24:39 > 0:24:44excited to the point of making tummy pancakes, but into said sock.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49And they are my hands!
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Expel him, Benjamin! End this folly!
0:24:56 > 0:25:00HE YELLS
0:25:01 > 0:25:04HE GASPS
0:25:04 > 0:25:06HE RETCHES
0:25:11 > 0:25:13FROG RIVETS
0:25:18 > 0:25:19What just happened?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31THEY YELL
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Look Edward, we need to follow blue-dot!
0:25:45 > 0:25:50Oh, Murray, what have I done?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52You've turned our town into a nameless piece of land
0:25:52 > 0:25:55that can be drilled through like a rotten tooth.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I thought they were just laying some cable
0:25:57 > 0:25:59and we'd finally be getting broadband.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01I didn't know it would come to this.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Well, I hope they paid you well, whoever they are.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09He didn't pay me a penny.
0:26:10 > 0:26:11Why did you do it then?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I had no choice.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17He made me.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Argh! A stitch!
0:26:29 > 0:26:31THEY GASP
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Quickly, Tubbs, in here.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Do we need a pissport to go to London?
0:26:40 > 0:26:41Quiet!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45SHE YELLS
0:26:54 > 0:26:55All clear, Tubbs.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08Tubbs!
0:27:11 > 0:27:12Tubbs!
0:27:18 > 0:27:20TUBBS SQUEALS
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Where am I?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Is this Swansea?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38THEY YELL
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Who are you? What is this place?
0:27:51 > 0:27:54It's a wife-mine now.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56HE LAUGHS WICKEDLY
0:28:02 > 0:28:07Please, please, someone!
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Sorry, mate.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26Excuse me. Does this train stop at the airport?
0:28:26 > 0:28:27I need to catch a flight...
0:28:27 > 0:28:29to Herzlovakia.
0:28:39 > 0:28:44Well... Goodbye, Benjamin, we shall miss you.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48I hope you can forgive us.
0:28:48 > 0:28:53Of course. But you know, Auntie Val, sometimes...
0:28:55 > 0:28:56..you can't go back.
0:28:57 > 0:28:58I know.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01I know.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04But you can visit.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07Yes.
0:29:07 > 0:29:08You can visit.