0:00:11 > 0:00:12# What's got four legs Walks peculiar
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Talks with all the choicest words?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# What's got four arms Loves to grab you
0:00:17 > 0:00:19# Answer is two Liver Birds
0:00:19 > 0:00:24# If you're standing on the corner All alone and feeling low
0:00:24 > 0:00:28# Liver Birds will come and get you Singing ee-ay-addi-oh... #
0:00:34 > 0:00:38- All we ever do is say hello and goodbye, don't we, Beryl?- Yeah.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42But this time you did manage to cram a proposal in, Robert.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43Yes.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46I liked your mother. She's...
0:00:47 > 0:00:51..nice. Sort of simple, down-to-earth, honest person.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54She doesn't mean it, Robert.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58I mean, the way she took one look at your engagement ring
0:00:58 > 0:00:59and crossed herself.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03It was... Well, it was nice.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06It's just because she thinks red stones is unlucky.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Well, we can prove her wrong, Robert.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10No, I liked her total truthfulness.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14What was it she said when you said we were engaged?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16God bless us and save us.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Yeah, that.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Nice.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Really nice!
0:01:23 > 0:01:25I think I'm going to like your dad, too.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28You will, you'll love me dad!
0:01:28 > 0:01:29He's so...
0:01:29 > 0:01:30He's so relaxed.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Happen he'll manage to stay awake next time you come!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49It's nice, this thing that Robert and Beryl have got, isn't it?
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Depends. Depends what you want.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54You know, this love thing, you know? This togetherness.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55It's nice, isn't it?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Paul, you're not going to propose to me again, are you?
0:01:58 > 0:01:59You don't think I'm so hard up
0:01:59 > 0:02:01that I'm going to spend the whole of my life
0:02:01 > 0:02:02traipsing round after you, do you?
0:02:02 > 0:02:04You must be very conceited.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Very self opinionated, not to say presumptuous, to imagine that.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- Yeah, I am.- Well, don't bother.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12I like us the way we are.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14But how are we, Sandra?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I mean, go on, explain to me, how are we?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Like, Beryl and Robert, on that settee last night, for instance.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21No, we're not like that!
0:02:21 > 0:02:26We used to be like that, but we're a step above all that now.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Sandra, there is only one step to go after that.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32And if we've taken it, could we please do it again?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Because I just don't remember doing it!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Well, we are different.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40There's more to life than just sex, you know.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Yeah, and there's more to a trifle than a cherry,
0:02:42 > 0:02:44but somehow it always seems to taste the best.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46What a lovely thing to say.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51You really have got the most fantastic mind, Paul.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Me body's not bad, either!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54There you go, sex again!
0:02:54 > 0:02:56I'm sorry. I promise not to mention my body again.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- Nor mine.- Nor yours.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Good! Now you've got all that physical nonsense
0:03:01 > 0:03:03out of your system...
0:03:03 > 0:03:04you can kiss me.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- Goodbye!- Bye-bye!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18You'd better let me go, we might run out of platform!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Beryl, your ring!
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- Robert, me ring! - I'll post it to you!
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- What?- I've got it, I'll post it to you!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Oh! Thank you very much!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Bye!
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Bye!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Blimey, that was a short engagement.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Beryl, how long's my lunch going to be?
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Sandra, I'm trying as hard as I can.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Now, this cooking lark is very difficult.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Even the tin opener's exhausted.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58What a morning we've had at the kennels.
0:03:58 > 0:04:0154 new dogs, and every one of them neurotic.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Yes, well, you've got the rest of the weekend off,
0:04:04 > 0:04:05so you can just relax.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Now, there you are, sausage and chips and milky coffee,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11and a final demand note for the rent.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Every day I get a bill for my dessert.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16No, I've got you something special today. Sherry trifle with nuts.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Oh, super.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I'm sorry, Sandra, I haven't mentioned it,
0:04:21 > 0:04:25but I am sorry that I haven't been getting anywhere to work.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29But the thing is that I've been so busy getting engaged.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31What about that waitressing job we picked out last night?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33No, I went off that.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Me with me brutal Irish temper.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37I mean, somebody's only got to complain
0:04:37 > 0:04:40and they'll end up with a spaghetti hairdo.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I tried to get you a job at the kennels, but it's no good.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45No, thank you - dogs annoy me.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47It's all wagging, walking and weeing.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51What DO you want?
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Oh, I'll find something.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55What I really want to be is a professional layabout.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57You can do that when you're married,
0:04:57 > 0:04:58then Robert'll have to provide for you.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Yes, he's going to provide for me all right.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03A little house and six kids and a great big Alsatian.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06I hope Mother Nature provides me with the energy.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08It's what you want, Beryl.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Sandra, HE'S what I want.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12The rest is what I'm going to get.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Well, that's life for you, Beryl.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18If you want a garden full of roses, you've got to have the greenfly.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22You can get rid of greenfly.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26I mean, one quick squirt isn't going to get rid of 200lbs of washing.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28You are happy about your engagement, aren't you?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- Of course I am.- It's just whenever you talk about it,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33you sound as if you're reading someone's will.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35No, it's just I'm septical.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Septical or sceptical?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40I suppose I'm both, really.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Sandra, are you seeing Paul this weekend?
0:05:44 > 0:05:47No. I'm going have the whole weekend to myself,
0:05:47 > 0:05:49just relaxing and listening to music
0:05:49 > 0:05:51and exploring my other self.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Mm-mm!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Sandra.- Hm?
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Have you noticed, there's something funny about this weekend?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02No, what do you mean?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I don't see to have anything to worry about.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Oh, no!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09I don't like it, it's not natural.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Well, could spare a thought for my poor little parents,
0:06:12 > 0:06:15still engaged in desperate mutiny.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18No, I refuse to spend my valuable worrying time
0:06:18 > 0:06:21worrying about two middle-aged delinquents.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25They're just two people, Beryl, and life has slapped them in the face.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Yes, well, it's slapping your mum in the wrong place -
0:06:27 > 0:06:30it should be slapping her on the bottom.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Beryl, did you shell the nuts before you put them in this trifle?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Yes, I did!
0:06:36 > 0:06:39And I took the peaches out of the tin, get on with it!
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Anyway, what were you talking about, slapping my mummy's bottom?
0:06:42 > 0:06:43She's frigid.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46She's not frigid!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48She's a very physical and loving person.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Ger'off - your dad would do better hugging a deep freeze.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55She's reserved, that's all.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57That's what YOU call it!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I haven't exactly noticed your parents
0:06:59 > 0:07:01falling about in passionate heaps.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Yeah, well, there's one good reason for that.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06My dad's too busy falling in a drunken heap!
0:07:07 > 0:07:09So they're both equal, aren't they?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Mmm!
0:07:11 > 0:07:13That was very nice, Beryl.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15You seem to be improving with your mistakes.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Thanks very much.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21By the way, was that registered parcel this morning your ring?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- My ring from Robert.- Oh, good.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- Sandra.- Mm?- I've just found something to worry about.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30What?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Me engagement ring.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35We're not going to have that hackneyed story
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- about red being an unlucky stone again, are we?- No!
0:07:39 > 0:07:41You haven't lost it again?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- Yes.- Oh, no, Beryl.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45- Have you been out of the flat?- No.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Oh, well, it must be in here somewhere.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Probably in the kitchen.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Come on, come and help me look!
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Now, when did you last notice it?
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- I can't remember. - Well, think, Beryl!
0:07:56 > 0:07:57I AM thinking!
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Well, I do want to find it, you know. I've never worn it.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02It's living a life of its own.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Could it be in the washing-up water?
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Yes. Yes!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Yes, that's it!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- Except, Sandra?- Yeah?
0:08:11 > 0:08:12I haven't washed up yet.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Beryl...would you just come here, sit down?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19We're going to be constructive about this.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21We'll go through the whole thing together.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Now, close your eyes and just try to picture everything.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Right.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28I'm peeling the potatoes.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30And it's on me finger.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Good, good. What next?
0:08:32 > 0:08:34I'm cooking your chips.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- And it's still there.- Good. Well, close your eyes, go on.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40I'm picking your chips up off the floor...
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Slid off the plate.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- Never mind the sordid details. Go on.- Right.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51I am walking across to the cooker.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I'm walking back again to the table.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00I'm walking back again to the cooker.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I'm walking back again to the table.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- What on earth are you doing? - I've lost a sausage.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Is the ring still on your finger?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Oh, yes. Yes, yes, it's still there.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Right. I'm cutting you a slice of bread.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Oh.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19What's that?
0:09:19 > 0:09:20I think I've found the sausage.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Don't worry, I rinsed it well.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Is the ring still on your finger?
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Oh!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I've just remembered!
0:09:29 > 0:09:33- Where is it?- Oh, I put it in a little glass dish to keep it safe!
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Now, I told you what good, constructive thinking would do, didn't I?
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Where's the dish?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42It's on your tray. I served your trifle in it.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Oh, no. Oh, no!
0:09:49 > 0:09:51No, I thought there was something wrong with that trifle.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54I asked you if you shelled the nuts! Oh!
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- Sandra, now, don't panic! - It'll block me windpipe.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I won't be able to breathe. I feel a bit faint already.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Oh, Sandra! Just relax. Relax with War And Peace.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Don't worry. The whole world is swallowing engagement rings.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- I'll ring for an ambulance. - I'm not going in an ambulance.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Listen, Sandra. You are my best friend and there's nothing
0:10:16 > 0:10:18that I wouldn't do to save you a moment's distress,
0:10:18 > 0:10:20but we do have an unusual situation here.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Namely, I am the one who is engaged and you are the one with the ring.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Now, sit down.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- Of course, we are only guessing, Beryl.- Of course we are.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28That's why I want you at the hospital.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I want a picture of your inside, preferably in colour,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33and then I shall be satisfied.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35'Emergency. Which service, please?
0:10:35 > 0:10:36'Police, fire or ambulance?'
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- Ambulance. - I'm not going in an ambulance!
0:10:38 > 0:10:41All right. You've got two other choices.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42A police car or a fire engine?
0:10:44 > 0:10:46I'll go in a dignified manner, if you don't mind.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Hello. Have you got a dignified ambulance?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Preferably one of this year's models.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56'I'm sorry, but we only send ambulances out in emergency cases.'
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Well, what do you call an emergency case?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00'Well, an accident or a heart attack.'
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Yes, well, my friend has just had an accident
0:11:03 > 0:11:05and I'm about to have a heart attack.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07'Or should the patient be having a baby.'
0:11:07 > 0:11:09No, no, she's not having a baby.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11She's having an engagement ring.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14'I'm sorry, is this an emergency?'
0:11:14 > 0:11:16It's a bloody catastrophe!
0:11:16 > 0:11:18'I'm sorry, I shall have to clear this line,
0:11:18 > 0:11:20'you could be preventing an authentic call.'
0:11:20 > 0:11:22- I... Oh! - DIAL TONE
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Sandra, will you stop pacing up and down?
0:11:25 > 0:11:29All the acid's getting going in your stomach and you'll rust my ring.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31What about me?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Do you think I like having an unlucky stone in my stomach?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37God knows what it's doing down there.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40It's probably fighting off my sausage and chips.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Now, just calm down, Sandra.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Right? Now, just stay like that and I'll get a taxi.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48I'm frightened, Beryl.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50I want Mummy and Daddy.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Right, I'll get Mummy and Daddy.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55- And Paul.- I'll get Paul.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56Are you in here, Beryl?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Oh, my God, it'll be like a coach trip!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00PHONE RINGS
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Sandra, go and answer the door to me mam and go easy.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Hello!
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Oh, Robert.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Sorry. Robert, hello!
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Yes, yes, I got the ring this morning.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15No. No, I'm not wearing it at the moment.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16Um...
0:12:16 > 0:12:18What?
0:12:19 > 0:12:23You almost got run over going to the post office to post it?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Oh, it's not the ring's fault, Robert, no.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Only, Robert, I've got something to tell you.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40What did I tell you? What did I say?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- Blood and tears, I said. - Beryl...?- Yes, Sand?
0:12:43 > 0:12:47- As soon as I saw that red stone, I felt me granny's ghost. - I feel sick.- Stop the car!
0:12:47 > 0:12:49She feels sick!
0:12:57 > 0:12:59She feels sick.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02If you ask me, that ring could stay where it is.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04If she got a cheap one like the one I had,
0:13:04 > 0:13:06there wouldn't be all this fuss.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07It would have dissolved by now.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Just concentrate on feeling sick.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I can't.
0:13:13 > 0:13:14You've put me off.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Well, just think about my home-made lentil soup.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23No.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25No, I can't do it in public.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27How's she doing?
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Hang about.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Excuse me, missus, but my friend is very shy
0:13:41 > 0:13:44and sensitive and she feels sick.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48And we were wondering if she could come in your house and do it.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55All right, snob face.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Keep your front door on.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Oh, that girl.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04She's got about as much culture as a compost heap.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Would you take me back to the taxi, please, Beryl?- All right, Sand.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11False alarm!
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Your Uncle Dermot swallowed an army button once, you know.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25He put it in his mouth to thread this needle.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29I remember he was listening to the wireless at the time and Liverpool scored this goal. So, of course,
0:14:29 > 0:14:33up he jumps and it goes right down his gullet. Any road, after they'd opened him up...
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- Shurrup.- ..I went to see him in hospital.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Honest to God, you should've seen the state of him. You'd think he'd swallowed his tin hat.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42The needle. That thick, it was, stuck in his hand.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45And this tube and this bottle full of blood hanging above the bed.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49But the thing I couldn't get over was the size of the scar.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Like a yard of string, it was, right down his middle.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54That surgeon was very good at taking out army buttons,
0:14:54 > 0:14:56but I didn't think much of his embroidery.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Mind you, it's marvellous what they can do today.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03Do you know, a surgeon can cut you open, take out your stomach,
0:15:03 > 0:15:05hand it to his mate
0:15:05 > 0:15:08and have a good rummage round inside the rest of you?
0:15:08 > 0:15:12Course, what was unfortunate for your Uncle Dermot was that he woke up in the middle of the operation.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Oh, well, Sand. Now, why couldn't you have done that?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36I don't agree with all this, you know.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Them ultraviolence rays are bad for you.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41She's having an X-ray, not a sun ray.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Who's that young man?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I'm Paul. Remember, I was round at the flat once
0:15:52 > 0:15:55when you and Mr Hutchinson had a sort of...
0:15:55 > 0:15:57- Altercation.- Eh?
0:15:57 > 0:15:58A bloody great row.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02- Yeah.- And what are you doing here, exactly?
0:16:02 > 0:16:04He's waiting for a bus.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07I'm a friend. I proposed to her once.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09- Or twice.- Oh, really?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- I don't remember. - Well, you weren't there at the time.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14I take it she refused?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16- Yeah.- I thought so.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19She's very discerning, my daughter.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22She doesn't jump at the first one that comes along.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Are you inferring that our Beryl would marry anybody?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I wasn't even thinking about your Beryl.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30But if the cap fits.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32My God, there's jealousy for you.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36Do you know, Beryl, I bet this one's got horns underneath that hairdo.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Just you listen here, missus,
0:16:38 > 0:16:39I hope you realise that we wouldn't be here
0:16:39 > 0:16:42if your daughter hadn't swallowed my Beryl's ring.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44And if your daughter didn't jump at the first man that asked her,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47she wouldn't have a ring for my daughter to swallow, would she?
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Henry, keep your stomach out of the way. You're blocking the view.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Oh, look at them, bloody twins! Look, would you like my seat?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55And with a bit of luck you might budge each other to death.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Oh, pipe down, don't be so stupid.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Sandra. Ooh!
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- Are you all right, Sand? - I'm fine, Paul.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Do you mind, young man? She is my daughter.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Sandra, darling, are you all right?
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- I'm fine, Mummy. - Do you mind, Mrs Hutchinson?
0:17:17 > 0:17:21It is my ring! Sandra, are you both all right?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23We're fine, Beryl.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- Get off!- Oh!
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Mr Dunn, do you mind stopping? We're breaking the sound barrier.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39I'm sorry.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41We are very busy here today.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43The doctor will give you all the information
0:17:43 > 0:17:46when the X-ray results are through!
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Would you like to take a seat, please?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55You are not allowed in the ward!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07The doctor is seeing her now.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Of course, you know, it's quite ridiculous,
0:18:16 > 0:18:18my Sandra swallowing a ruby ring.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Why, aren't rubies good enough for your family?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22It's not the quality of the stone I was thinking about.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24It's the fact that your Beryl seems to be
0:18:24 > 0:18:26out of work and doing the cooking.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28I'm wondering how many more times
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Sandra will have to swallow the wretched thing.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Blood and tears, I say.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Eh, Beryl, it's a good job you didn't swallow it.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37It would have sterilised you.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Thank you.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48My compliments to the chef.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Tell her there's none left.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- There's none left.- Eh? Oh.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55There's none left.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57There's none left.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Oh, is it empty? Ah, never mind.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03It's just as well. She's got the leaky beaker.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Here.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Pass up the cheese butties.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15There's not likely to be the odd bracelet in there, is there?
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Oh, don't worry, missus, we only save jewellery for afters.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22I think it's very nice, very enjoyable.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I think it was very thoughtful of you, Mrs Hennessey.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Ta.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30May I speak to Miss Hutchinson's next of kin, please?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- I'm her ex-fiance. - I'm her best friend.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- I'm her best friend's mam. - And- I- am her mother.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38He's only here for the snack.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Well, the X-ray reveals that your daughter...
0:19:43 > 0:19:45She won't be scarred for life?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Please contain yourself. Let me finish.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49The X-ray reveals that the ring is lodged in the oesophagus.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53- Oh! - Now, that's just a rather long word
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- which you don't actually have to worry about.- I know what that is.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58It's one of them little bones in your foot.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00She's not walking about on my ring!
0:20:00 > 0:20:04The oesophagus is the small tube which leads down into the stomach.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Oh, no, now I remember. It's the medicinal word for shoulder blade.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10As I was saying, the oesophagus is the small tube that leads down into the stomach.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Yes, of course. That's what I was going to say!
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- I was always very good at botany, you know.- Ssh!- I'll keep her in...
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- I must see her. - So must I!
0:20:18 > 0:20:19She's in no danger.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Surgery won't be necessary.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- I shall remove the ring by means of an esophagoscope.- A what?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27An esophagoscope.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29I thought they used them in submarines.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35I'm sorry, Sand.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38I'll never make you another sherry trifle.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40They're coming for me in a minute, Beryl.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44Sand, don't put it like that - "They're coming for me in a minute."
0:20:44 > 0:20:47You sound like there's a pack of hounds after you.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50This is a very nice, kind place, with very kind people.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52TROLLEY CRASHES
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Doing very kind things.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59What are they going to do to me, Beryl?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Well, you see, there's where you're lucky.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Cos as the doctor said, there's no need to operate,
0:21:04 > 0:21:08so he'll just put you to sleep and shove a tube down your throat.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Now, that's not so bad, is it?
0:21:10 > 0:21:12No, I love having tubes pushed down my throat(!)
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Well, it's only a little tube.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Beryl, if the ring's stuck down there
0:21:17 > 0:21:20and the tube goes in there...
0:21:21 > 0:21:23..heck of a long tube, isn't it?
0:21:25 > 0:21:26Not necessarily.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28He might have a very long arm.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Supposing I die, Beryl!
0:21:32 > 0:21:36Oh, Sandra! You can't die in here, not even if you wanted to.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40- They won't let you.- I haven't been to church since I went to school.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41And I've done bad things.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Oh, Sandra, not you.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48What bad things have you done?
0:21:48 > 0:21:51I handed in foreign money on the bus.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Ah, I do that all the time.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55You go to confession on Friday.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Only so as I can do it again on Saturday.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00And I came 20th in the class once.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02And I crossed out the nought
0:22:02 > 0:22:04and Mummy and Daddy still think I came second.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Eh, I wish I'd have thought of that!
0:22:08 > 0:22:11I used to take out my spite on Mary Higginbottom.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12She was always top of our class.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14She used to sit in front of me,
0:22:14 > 0:22:16so I used to put her plaits in my inkwell.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19I've been awful to Paul.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21For months I tried to get him to propose to me.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Then, when he did, I refused.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I've been worse to Robert - I've accepted.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29You see, you're not so bad, Sand.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I suppose dying isn't so bad.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I mean, after all, up there, we're all equal.
0:22:36 > 0:22:41Oh, yes. You and Michelangelo will be able to share a butty.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Jolly little conversation.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51If I'd known, we could have brought our harps and done a quick song and dance before you go.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Ah, Sand, you'll be all right.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Yes.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57What's underneath there?
0:22:58 > 0:22:59Oh!
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Nothing.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Nothing. Just...
0:23:04 > 0:23:08A couple of kidneys' bowls and the odd syringe.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- Syringe?- Well, what did you expect?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13An assortment of choc ices? It's a hospital, not Vic's caff.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- I want to go home!- You can't go home with a ruby-studded gullet.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Now, pull yourself together.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Just think - all I wanted was a nice quiet weekend.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Yes, but you wanted to explore your other self.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Well, now somebody's going to do it for you.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Time to go now, Miss Hennessey, if you please.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Yes. Certainly, Doctor.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34When are you going to...
0:23:37 > 0:23:38When you... When will...
0:23:40 > 0:23:42(When will you be fishing it out?)
0:23:42 > 0:23:44As soon as possible.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Thank you.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Now, Sandra, remember what you're always saying.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Life is naught but froth and bubble.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57But two things stand like stone -
0:23:57 > 0:24:00kindness in another's trouble
0:24:00 > 0:24:02and courage in your own.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Oh, yes, Beryl.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06I am always saying that.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Yes. Well, I'm going to shut up now.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13There's its box.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26She's a heck of a long time.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28I hope she comes round in time for my wedding.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Of course, if I'd had my way, Sandra would've gone privately.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37She's had just as good treatment on the National Health.
0:24:37 > 0:24:42A private patient wouldn't have to wear that ghastly gown with the name of the hospital all over it.
0:24:42 > 0:24:47I don't see the point in getting yourself all tarted up just to have a tube shoved down your throat.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49You might as well go and get your hair done
0:24:49 > 0:24:51and then dive into the Mersey.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54A woman should always look her best.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56It's her pre-ogative.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Oh, aye. I had one of them and the knob fell off.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04- I'm glad it's over.- Eh?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06- I'm glad she's all right.- Oh.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09- Yes. Thank God. - I can propose to her again now.
0:25:09 > 0:25:14Well, if I were you, son, I wouldn't mention engagement rings too soon.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16I don't understand women, Mr Hutchinson.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18You're not supposed to understand them, son.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21You're just supposed to be harassed by 'em.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24And you and Mrs Hutchinson, are you better?
0:25:24 > 0:25:25We're back in the same house.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27- Oh.- We're in separate rooms.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Oh.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Much better.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32I can't get a word in all day.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34But I can talk to myself all night.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- Is she all right? - You can go and see her now.
0:25:43 > 0:25:44Excuse me.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- Your ring.- Oh!
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Oh, thank you very much, Sister.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53I'd rather you wait till the others come out, if you don't mind.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Your friend is perfectly all right.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57She can leave the hospital in a couple of hours.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Provided they haven't used up all the oxygen on the ward.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06I'd better ring Robert.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10PHONE RINGS
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Hello?
0:26:14 > 0:26:15- 'Hello?'- Beryl!
0:26:15 > 0:26:18I've been worried stiff, what's happening?
0:26:18 > 0:26:19'Oh, Robert, it's all right.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21'She's fine, Sandra's fine.'
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Oh, great. Good.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24And the ring's all right, too.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27It's just the same. It hasn't faded.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30'Are you wearing it?'
0:26:30 > 0:26:32No. No, because they've only just given it me back.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33It's still in its box.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35You didn't tell me she'd swallowed the box.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40She didn't swallow it!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I gave it to them.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Beryl, I've been thinking.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46I know it sounds silly, but...
0:26:46 > 0:26:49I'd like to put that ring back on your finger.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Oh, that would be a bit difficult over the telephone, Robert.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56'What I thought was, maybe you'd come down to London?'
0:26:56 > 0:27:00- Oh, I couldn't do that.- 'You're not working or anything. I'll pay your fare.'- It's not possible.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02- 'It'd be a nice little holiday for you.'- No, I couldn't.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04I miss you, Beryl.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07I miss you, Robert.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10'Then we've got a very good excuse, haven't we?'
0:27:10 > 0:27:11I don't know what to say.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Look, some people have two marriages.
0:27:16 > 0:27:17We'll have two engagements.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21- Beryl?- 'Yes, Robert.' - Oh, come on.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Life is only five minutes long.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Oh, I hope not.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28It takes three hours to get to London.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Look at me going off to the Big Smoke all by myself.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Yeah. Have a smashing time, Beryl.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- Have you got the ring? - Yeah, it's here in the box.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Only I'm a bit worried. It's been a bit unlucky so far.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45You know, Beryl, if you believe that, you'll make it unlucky.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47It didn't do me much harm, now, did it?
0:27:47 > 0:27:51- I suppose not.- You forget about everything and have a happy time.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57- We're off. Ta-rah.- Ta-rah, Beryl! - Ta-rah.- Ta-rah.
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Ta-rah!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05It's nice, isn't it? Nice and romantic,
0:28:05 > 0:28:06going all the way to London
0:28:06 > 0:28:09just so Robert can put the ring on her finger.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12- Wish I could.- Paul, not again. - Sorry.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Going to London, love?
0:28:14 > 0:28:17No, we've just been seeing my friend off to London, actually.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Oh, aye? Is she walking, then?
0:28:19 > 0:28:22- No, why?- That's the London train.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Where's the one that's just left going to?
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Glasgow.