0:00:01 > 0:00:08- Hi. My name's Howard Moon. This is my apprentice, Vince Noir. - Apprentice? Get stuffed.
0:00:08 > 0:00:13- You're my apprentice.- Don't start. - Or what?- Or I'll come at you fast.
0:00:13 > 0:00:20- I'll put a move on you.- You haven't got any moves! It's like being caressed by a natural yoghurt.
0:00:20 > 0:00:27- I've got new, powerful moves now. - Yeah?- Yeah.- Sent off for some new ones(?)- They arrived this morning.
0:00:27 > 0:00:34- First post?- Yeah. The post that hurts the most.- Come on. Bring them on.- Wanna feel something?- Yeah.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39I'll take you for a meal with Mr and Mrs Pain. Order violent quiche.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Come on.
0:00:42 > 0:00:47- What? That's nothing.- Feels like nothing. It's the vibrating palm.
0:00:47 > 0:00:52Two hours from now, you'll buy a hat, it won't suit you. Ow!
0:00:52 > 0:00:58No way. Look at me. My hair is virtually a hat. All hats suit me.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- You'll see.- Yeah, I will. - Enjoy the show.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10To the world of the Mighty Boosh!
0:01:10 > 0:01:14# The Mighty Boosh! Come with us to the Mighty Boosh!
0:01:14 > 0:01:20# The Mighty Boosh! Come with us to the Mighty Boosh! #
0:01:26 > 0:01:30- All right?- All right. - Mrs Gideon ring for me?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32As if she's gonna ring for you!
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I mean, she might do.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- You're right. She thinks I'm an idiot.- Hey, come on now.
0:01:39 > 0:01:45There's plenty of reasons. Maybe she's trapped in a...cabinet.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50- She's a sophisticated woman.- People get trapped in them all the time.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Doctors, dentists, lawyers. Haven't you seen the show?
0:01:54 > 0:01:58- # Captain Cabinet's trapped in cabinets! #- Yes!
0:01:58 > 0:02:03- She's over there.- Oh, yeah. - There she is.
0:02:04 > 0:02:10Oh, sweet lady, with your face like a cream oval.
0:02:10 > 0:02:15And your nose, like a delicious slope of cream.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21Your ears like...cream flaps.
0:02:21 > 0:02:26Your teeth, like hard, shiny pegs of cream.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28GRINDING
0:02:31 > 0:02:36- Do you mind?- Hm?- I'm doing a poem. About Mrs Gideon.
0:02:41 > 0:02:47- Come on, Howard. You're going about it all the wrong way.- What?
0:02:47 > 0:02:51You ask her out, she says no and what do you do about it?
0:02:51 > 0:02:57- You weep into her fish pond.- How do you know?- It's in all the papers!
0:02:57 > 0:03:02"Man kills koi carp with human tears - Pages 4-44."
0:03:02 > 0:03:05They interviewed a carp. Furious.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Oh, it was all salty. I'm fresh water.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14Why don't you understand women? What do you think they like?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Trumpets.- Trumpets?
0:03:19 > 0:03:24- Bookmarks.- They like edgy characters!- I've got edge.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29- You're as edgy as a satsuma. - I'm a crazy man. I'm a nut job.
0:03:29 > 0:03:37I break through all boundaries. If I see a boundary, I eat it and wash it down with a cup of rules.
0:03:50 > 0:03:56- 'Moon! Come to my office right now! Thank you.'- Run along, Dangermouse.
0:03:56 > 0:04:03- No. I'll go in my own sweet time. They call me The Maverick. - You're Fossil's bitch.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Who are you? T Bone Wilson?
0:04:06 > 0:04:12- Leroy saw you dancing for Fossil in the moonlight in little blue pants. - I don't dance for Fossil.
0:04:12 > 0:04:20- He gave you coin, you gave him booty.- Listen, I was playing Fossil like a pipe.- Whatever.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I was putting a move on him.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25As if your moves work.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- Nice hat.- Thanks.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Yeah, I got the moves. No mistake.
0:04:34 > 0:04:41- I'll go in my own time. - 'Moon, I won't tell you again, bitch!'- I had to see him anyway!
0:04:46 > 0:04:49MUSIC PLAYS
0:04:55 > 0:04:58# I was walking down the street
0:05:00 > 0:05:03# Concentratin' on trucking right
0:05:04 > 0:05:07# I heard a dark voice beside of me
0:05:09 > 0:05:13# And I looked round in a state of fright
0:05:13 > 0:05:19# I saw four faces, one mad A brother from the gutter
0:05:19 > 0:05:23# They looked me up and down a bit And turned to each other
0:05:26 > 0:05:29# I say, I don't like cricket... #
0:05:29 > 0:05:34- And that's why I don't like cricket. - Was there anything else, Mr Fossil?
0:05:34 > 0:05:41Oh, you know those guys with the little hands? With the big pockets?
0:05:41 > 0:05:46With the little version of themselves in the front pocket?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- Kangaroo.- Yeah!
0:05:49 > 0:05:56- We can make them fight, make lots of money.- That goes against every principle I aspire to.
0:05:56 > 0:06:01- They shouldn't fight one another. - Not one another, glossy dick - you!
0:06:01 > 0:06:06Me? I'm not doing that. No way am I fighting a kangaroo.
0:06:06 > 0:06:11Moon, how about I give you this cup? It's polystyrene.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- That's not gonna swing it, Mr Fossil.- All right.
0:06:17 > 0:06:23I didn't want to have to do this, but I have pictures of you, nude.
0:06:23 > 0:06:29- I'll put them all over my body and run around the zoo.- You can't!
0:06:29 > 0:06:34Oh, yeah? I got a Xerox machine that says I can.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37The fight's in two days, Moon!
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Note to self: pocket cup.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Hey!- Hey.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- How did it go?- Well, not great.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01- What he wants me to do is fight a kangaroo.- What?- TO make money.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06- A kangaroo?- Yeah. Me, one on one. - You'll get smashed!- I know!
0:07:06 > 0:07:11- The man's insane. The thing is... he has pictures of me naked.- What?
0:07:11 > 0:07:16- He's gonna put them up round the zoo.- So?- I'm not bothered, but...
0:07:16 > 0:07:21- Who cares?- It's embarrassing. - We see pictures all the time. OH!
0:07:21 > 0:07:29- Christ!- What's the matter? - What's that?!- That's normal. - You're a freak!- What do you mean?
0:07:29 > 0:07:34- I don't wanna see it live! - Vince, look, it's just that!
0:07:34 > 0:07:38- Get away!- Vince!- You're not right! - Vince!- Get away!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49# Disfigured and alone
0:07:51 > 0:07:55# Crawling in the shadows
0:07:56 > 0:07:59# Must I live like a freak?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05# Deformed, useless and embarrassed. #
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Freak. Freak.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Mind if I sit down?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31What am I gonna do?
0:08:31 > 0:08:36Have you thought about joining the circus?
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- Do something or we're in trouble. - How are YOU in trouble?
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- Mick Jagger didn't hang out with the Elephant Man!- What do- I- do?
0:08:45 > 0:08:48If Mrs Gideon finds out, it's over.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54- What about if you fight the kangaroo?- What?- And beat it!
0:08:54 > 0:09:00It'll be amazing. You'll be dangerous. Have edge. She'll be all over you like a flannel!
0:09:00 > 0:09:08- That's a good plan.- It's perfect. - But how do I beat a kangaroo? - I'll train you up.- You?- Yeah.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13- You'll train me up?- Yeah. I'm a Cockney bitch.- What?- A ragamuffin.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18You're a French duke! You lie in hammocks eating soft cheese!
0:09:18 > 0:09:25I'm a chimney sweep. All my family are into boxing. Even my auntie. She loves it.
0:09:25 > 0:09:32My family are nutters. My uncle once punched a man so hard, his legs became trombones.
0:09:32 > 0:09:38- The man had to leave the ring like this. - TROMBONE NOISES
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- Are you going to help me?- Come on.
0:09:44 > 0:09:51- What's this? - I could only get one size.- YOUR size.- Carlos Santana wore these
0:09:51 > 0:09:56- when he was training for Woodstock. - They stink!- Never mind that.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Let's check out your opponent. I've got kangaroo videos.
0:10:06 > 0:10:13'A fully-grown kangaroo, if attacked, will use its hind legs to disembowel its prey...'
0:10:13 > 0:10:15That's not true!
0:10:15 > 0:10:20'An adult kangaroo can punch through solid steel...
0:10:20 > 0:10:25'If a man fought a kangaroo, he would be immediately killed.'
0:10:25 > 0:10:29This is not the video I was thinking of. This is the one.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35# Skipper, the kangaroo! #
0:10:35 > 0:10:38'Hey, Skipper, you all right, mate?
0:10:38 > 0:10:43'Skipper, you psycho! Get off me! He's gone berserk! It's a bloodbath!
0:10:43 > 0:10:46'I'm being disembowelled!'
0:10:48 > 0:10:56Let's not concentrate on your opponent. Let's go to my uncle's gym. He knows all about boxing.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Come on, Carlos.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Look at this place.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Just as I remember. The old ropes.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17All right, Ralph?
0:11:17 > 0:11:22- Great. What do you reckon? - Smells a bit funny.- Funny?- Musty.
0:11:22 > 0:11:29That's the smell of brutish men, squirting out hot jets of man foam. That's my uncle up there.
0:11:29 > 0:11:35Throw a net over him. Take him out to dinner. Right, don't kiss him.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Let me have a word. You wait here.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43- Oi! No women in here! - It's me - Vince!
0:11:43 > 0:11:48Vincey! I thought I'd lost you forever.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52It's nice to see you, but do that again and I'll rip your eyes out.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55I'm gonna be a boxing trainer.
0:11:55 > 0:12:00- Right.- This guy's my star pupil. - Let's have a look at him.
0:12:19 > 0:12:24- He looks like a retard. When's the fight?- Tomorrow night.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28There's only one way to get this boy ready.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32- Training montage!- With music. - Yeah!- ..Stop!
0:12:32 > 0:12:36DRAMATIC TRAINING MONTAGE MUSIC
0:12:51 > 0:12:57- Vincey, we've got a problem. - What?- This cup. I don't know what to do with it.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02Sometimes I wish there was a kind of pocket cup someone could invent.
0:13:02 > 0:13:07- What are we gonna do with Howard? - He's hopeless, but I have an idea.
0:13:07 > 0:13:15- Yeah?- An old boxing trick. You build up his confidence by letting him beat a weaker opponent.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Yeah?- Nice.- I'll go get someone.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20- Great.- Easy does it, Margaret!
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- Hey, Howard.- What's happening?
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- We're down to the critical stages now.- Right.- Sparring.
0:13:29 > 0:13:37- Sparring?- Yeah.- OK. Who do I fight? This guy?- I don't think so. Too dangerous. That's Mickey the Fist.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- What about this fella? - I don't think so.
0:13:45 > 0:13:51- He's more my standard.- Not really. That's Jimmy the Reach.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Right, OK. Who do I fight, then?
0:14:01 > 0:14:08My uncle's found someone to match up exactly to your opponent.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17YES!!
0:14:17 > 0:14:21Stay down! Stay down, you little midget!
0:14:21 > 0:14:29- Loser!- Yes! Howard Moon! I rain down the pain! Monsoon Moon! Coming at you like a beam, a ray!
0:14:29 > 0:14:34Like a laser! I'm quick, like lightning! I'm frightening! Oow!
0:14:35 > 0:14:39- Want a piece of me now? You've got nothing!- Nothing, eh?
0:14:39 > 0:14:45- I'll have to teach you manners. - Step into the painy season.- Pardon?
0:14:45 > 0:14:49- Painy/rainy. Get with the lingo. - Listen, you hooligan.
0:14:49 > 0:14:55I'm going to get you. You will feel my pugilistic rage upon your face. I always get my man.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00- Whatever(!) Come on now. I've got the moves.- Let's get out of here.
0:15:00 > 0:15:07You've seen what's going on. You saw my boy. You saw the damage he did.
0:15:07 > 0:15:12- See you later. - You do know he's gonna die?- Yeah.
0:15:17 > 0:15:24- Monsoon Moon they call me. What about Thunderstorm Moon - a heavy shower of pain?- Nice.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28- Hailstone Howard?- Good.- Gideon!
0:15:28 > 0:15:34- Tell her about the fight. Be cool. Don't be too eager.- Yeah.- Go on.
0:15:34 > 0:15:40Hi, Mrs Gideon. Big fight tomorrow for me. Please come. Please.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Cooler.- Bitch.- Not THAT cool!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- Nice bitch.- I'll deal with this.
0:15:47 > 0:15:52- Hey, Mrs Gideon.- Hello, Vince. - My boy there, I'm training him up.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57- He's hot. Big fight tomorrow night. It's going to be exciting.- Really?
0:15:57 > 0:16:04- I can get you a ringside ticket. - Well, I don't really like violence. - All right.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08- Just out of interest, what do you like?- Trumpets.- Trumpets?
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- Trumpets and bookmarks.- Right.
0:16:16 > 0:16:21- Naboo, you gotta help me.- Where are my kangaroo videos?- I forgot them.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- That's a fine.- A fine?- Five Euros.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29- You've got to help me with Howard. - The Raging Bull?- Demented Swan.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33He's gonna get killed. Is there anything you can do?
0:16:45 > 0:16:52What was that, you Jack of Clubs?! I said could you help me, not blow dust in my eyes!
0:16:53 > 0:16:55It IS magic dust. Is he a muppet?
0:16:58 > 0:17:03Howard, I've been thinking. I mean, you're a sensitive man.
0:17:03 > 0:17:10Do you really want to be fighting? You're a pacifist. You're Britain's leading cream poet.
0:17:10 > 0:17:15That's loser talk, Vince. The cream days are over. Gone off, curdled.
0:17:15 > 0:17:22Yeah, I've got my edge back. I'm nobody's bitch no more. I'm Howard Moon. Monsoon Moon.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27Tomorrow night I'm going to be fighting a vicious, vicious animal.
0:17:27 > 0:17:34And it could kill me in an instant, but it's not going to because you trained me up.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39You gave me that confidence, Vince. You believed in me.
0:17:39 > 0:17:46I wouldn't be fighting tomorrow if it wasn't for you. Funny that. It's all down to you.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48You. You. You.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50You.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53ABORIGINAL "SINGING"
0:18:50 > 0:18:53BEATS OUT A RHYTHM
0:19:06 > 0:19:09ADDS BASS LINE
0:19:15 > 0:19:19# How do you gets to kill a 'roo? It's all you have to do
0:19:19 > 0:19:24# How do you gets to kill a 'roo? It's all you have to do
0:19:24 > 0:19:27# How do you gets to kill a 'roo? It's all you have to do
0:19:27 > 0:19:32# How do you gets to kill a 'roo? It's all you have to do
0:19:32 > 0:19:37# How do you gets to kill a 'roo? It's all you have to do
0:19:37 > 0:19:40# How do you gets to kill a 'roo? It's all you have to do
0:19:40 > 0:19:45- # How do you gets to kill a 'roo? It's all you have to do - Got to know, got to know
0:19:45 > 0:19:49# How do you gets to kill a 'roo? It's all you have to do. #
0:19:49 > 0:19:51- Oh!- Morning.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Oh, I had this really weird dream.
0:19:54 > 0:20:00- Oh, yeah?- Weird images. To do with the fight.- Don't worry. Dreams don't mean anything.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Grapefruit?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- No.- Eggs?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Didgeridoo?
0:20:13 > 0:20:17- Come on, then. Get up. Let's get ready.- All right.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22- What are you going to be wearing? - Why?- Nothing outlandish.- All right.
0:20:22 > 0:20:28- I'm the star.- Fine.- OK?- Hey, come on. You're the star. It'll be fine.
0:20:30 > 0:20:38- What are you doing?- What? - I told you not to pull focus. - Come on. No-one's looking at me.
0:20:38 > 0:20:44- Can I have your autograph, please? - Not now.- I'm the fighter, tit box. ..All right, easy.
0:20:44 > 0:20:51Welcome to the Zoo-niverse First Annual Shady Underground Boxing Competition!
0:20:51 > 0:20:58In the crate, weighing in at 380 pounds...
0:20:58 > 0:21:03after 212 kills, 147 disembowelments,
0:21:03 > 0:21:09wanted in 18 countries for eating a man's face right off his skull,
0:21:09 > 0:21:15the Antipodean killing machi-ine,
0:21:15 > 0:21:18The Killeroo!
0:21:18 > 0:21:21SCREECHES
0:21:21 > 0:21:28- What's all that about? - It's just hype. Wait until you hear your introduction. Come on.
0:21:29 > 0:21:36And fighting the Killeroo, Howard Moon!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Former male prostitute.
0:21:47 > 0:21:52With me here, ringside, is Joey Moose, our marsupial expert here.
0:21:52 > 0:21:59- Joey, take it away.- I'm very excited to be here, Mr Fossil. The kangaroo is a magnificent animal.
0:22:03 > 0:22:09- Ow!- Let's get you loosened up.- Not so harsh.- You have a knot.- Easy.
0:22:09 > 0:22:14And your referee today is Naboo, the shaman and kiosk vendor.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19I want a good, clean fight. No biting, nothing below the tail.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Touch gloves. With the 'roo.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Looks like the bell's about to ring.
0:22:28 > 0:22:33KILLEROO GRUNTS AND SQUEALS
0:22:49 > 0:22:55Get in there! Slap him! What are you doing? Stop dancing. Move in.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59Come on. Grab his fur! Go on, Howard!
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Go on!
0:23:13 > 0:23:21Come on, sit down. That was possibly the weakest start to a boxing match ever, but don't worry.
0:23:21 > 0:23:27Dance around a bit, bob and weave. Keep him at bay with your jab.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32- Punch him in the snout. Howard? - Have you come about the croutons?
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- Punch the big mouse. - About to start Round Two.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- BELL RINGS - Go on!
0:23:42 > 0:23:45KILLEROO SCREECHES
0:23:57 > 0:24:00He's down! He's down like a clown!
0:24:02 > 0:24:06LATIN CHORAL SINGING
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Moon is up! Oh, my God! How resilient is this?
0:24:37 > 0:24:42- There's been a mix-up.- What? - I don't know anything about boxing.
0:24:42 > 0:24:47- Huh?- I'm a French duke.- What about your uncle? He trained me up.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51That wasn't my uncle. That's my uncle.
0:24:51 > 0:24:58I don't care. It's gone too far. I'm Monsoon Moon and there's a painstormer brewing.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00BELL RINGS
0:25:09 > 0:25:16Moon is up against the ropes! He's being pummelled left and right. This is a real bloodbath.
0:25:16 > 0:25:21Joey, stop eating those tomatoes. I can't believe what's going on.
0:25:23 > 0:25:28He's going to eat his face off! I can't wait!
0:25:29 > 0:25:31SCREECHES
0:25:40 > 0:25:43ABORIGINAL MUSIC
0:25:50 > 0:25:55The images... What do they mean? How do you kill a 'roo?
0:25:55 > 0:25:59His balls, mate! Grab his flamin' balls!
0:26:01 > 0:26:04- Oh, right.- Christ, you're thick!
0:26:07 > 0:26:11- AGONISED SCREECH - Now, Howard!
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Now!
0:26:20 > 0:26:25Moon got a punch in! This is not supposed to happen! What's going on?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Gideon! Gideon!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Gideon!
0:26:42 > 0:26:48Gideon! Howard Moon, Monsoon Moon, raining down the pain!
0:26:48 > 0:26:52Whoo-hoo! Gideon!
0:26:52 > 0:26:57- Gideon! Gideon! - No! No!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Whoo!
0:27:17 > 0:27:21- Hope you enjoyed the show. Powerful moves.- Don't be ridiculous.
0:27:21 > 0:27:26- You'd have got your head smashed off.- Whatever. I came out on top.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29I'm Howard Moon, Monsoon Moon, I...
0:27:34 > 0:27:36I ALWAYS get my man.
0:27:37 > 0:27:43Goodbye. It's all finished now. Go on, get away.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47Sling your hook. It's all finished, all over.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51What are you looking at? Get away!