Tundra

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0:00:02 > 0:00:06Hi, welcome to the show. My name's Vince Noir. And this is Howard Moon.

0:00:06 > 0:00:11- Don't touch me.- He's such a joker! He's always doing...- I'm not joking.

0:00:11 > 0:00:15Don't ever touch me. Not now, not ever.

0:00:16 > 0:00:18- A-a-ah!- A-a-ah!- Don't touch me!

0:00:18 > 0:00:22This week, we'll be going on a terrifying journey,

0:00:22 > 0:00:26to distant lands, but we're also going on a different journey -

0:00:26 > 0:00:31a journey into the depths of the human soul via my acting techniques.

0:00:32 > 0:00:35Plus, in one of the scenes, I have the legs of a ram.

0:00:35 > 0:00:37- Imagine that.- That's not happening.

0:00:37 > 0:00:40- What?!- I rewrote that bit. - That's the best bit!

0:00:40 > 0:00:45- Yeah, but we thought about it and thought no.- What do you mean "we"?!

0:00:45 > 0:00:48- Me and Leroy had a little look-see. - Leroy?!- Yeah.

0:00:48 > 0:00:51- Leroy's got no business messing with the scripts!- What?!

0:00:51 > 0:00:57- He works at the ice rink!- Well, he brought a fresh pair of eyes to it! - Did he?!- A fresh perspective.

0:00:57 > 0:01:00- He sells Slush Puppies! - He rewrote it.- Great(!)

0:01:00 > 0:01:04- That's the way it's staying. - Oh, right. But it was his idea!

0:01:04 > 0:01:07- I can't do anything about it. - I'm gonna ring him now.- OK.

0:01:07 > 0:01:09Enjoy the show.

0:01:15 > 0:01:18To the world of the Mighty Boosh!

0:01:18 > 0:01:22- # The Mighty Boosh! - Come with us to the Mighty Boosh!

0:01:22 > 0:01:28- # The Mighty Boosh! - Come with us to the Mighty Boosh! #

0:01:29 > 0:01:33OK, gather round. Now, Dickson Bainbridge,

0:01:33 > 0:01:36the owner of the zoo and world-famous explorer,

0:01:36 > 0:01:39will be returning from his travels today

0:01:39 > 0:01:43to deliver a lecture on the Arctic tundra! Boy, are we lucky?!

0:01:43 > 0:01:46Now, I want everybody to mind their Ps and Qs!

0:01:46 > 0:01:49That means no effing and jeffing!

0:01:49 > 0:01:53And I want you to look presentable! ..That means shoes, Naboo!

0:01:54 > 0:01:57And hey, Kerouac! You ever heard of a comb?!

0:01:57 > 0:02:01Get on it! Now, he'll be here any second.

0:02:01 > 0:02:05I don't want you to rush up to us. We got a lot of business to cover.

0:02:05 > 0:02:10We've been friends for years. He may try to kiss me on the cheek. Maybe the mouth.

0:02:10 > 0:02:14I don't know how lucky I'll get. Here he comes! ..Get the gate!

0:02:18 > 0:02:22Welcome, Bainbridge. On behalf... Ooh! Ooh!

0:02:22 > 0:02:27That one in the bedroom. That one's got booze in it. Be careful.

0:02:28 > 0:02:31What're you looking at?! We do this all the time!

0:02:31 > 0:02:33Nice one, Bainbridge!

0:02:34 > 0:02:37Get to work, all of you!

0:02:45 > 0:02:48- I'm sick of this. - What's wrong with you?

0:02:48 > 0:02:53I'm a trained zookeeper and spend my day shovelling dung about!

0:02:53 > 0:02:56- There is a lot of it. - Where's it coming from?!- Him.

0:02:56 > 0:02:59Huh?! I only had one banana.

0:02:59 > 0:03:02Where's the respect I'm due? That's what I wanna know.

0:03:02 > 0:03:08- Come on!- What?!- You're getting tense again!- Eh?!- Calm down! - What?- You're like a brandy snap!

0:03:08 > 0:03:12- That's my style.- What, the brandy snap?!- Yeah - the crunchy tube.

0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Really? Look, come on - relax! - I can't relax!- Why?!

0:03:15 > 0:03:19- Cos of him over there! - Who?- Dixon Bainbridge!

0:03:19 > 0:03:21Look at him swanning around!

0:03:21 > 0:03:24Not on its head.

0:03:25 > 0:03:27That's beautiful, too.

0:03:27 > 0:03:31"Ooh, I've been to the Arctic. Everyone's doing little dances!"

0:03:31 > 0:03:35- He's a man of action.- So am I! - Really(?)- Given the chance!

0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Yeah, right(!) - What's he got that I haven't got?

0:03:38 > 0:03:40A moustache?

0:03:41 > 0:03:45- What do you think this is I've got here?- As if that's a moustache!

0:03:45 > 0:03:49- That's a cappuccino stain. - How dare you!

0:03:49 > 0:03:53This is at least a mocha, OK? Don't be mocking my mocha.

0:03:53 > 0:03:57- This is a month's hard grooming. - A month?!- Yeah.- For that?! Useless.

0:03:57 > 0:04:01Look at his! It's like a silver horseshoe.

0:04:01 > 0:04:02Whatever.

0:04:02 > 0:04:08I could do what Bainbridge does. Imagine the headlines. "Howard Moon, colon, Explorer."

0:04:08 > 0:04:12- It's got a ring to it.- "Colon Explorer"?- You know what I mean!

0:04:12 > 0:04:16- I think that's got the wrong ring to it...- Listen! I need that break!

0:04:16 > 0:04:22- Then I'd be out of here! - What about me?!- You could come with me and be my sidekick.

0:04:22 > 0:04:26- Sidekick?!- Yeah, you know - carry my bags and stuff.- Get stuffed!

0:04:26 > 0:04:29With the right training from me, you could do all right.

0:04:29 > 0:04:36- I don't need training! I'm a gifted child. I can talk to animals.- Yeah. - I'm like Mowgli, the retro version.

0:04:36 > 0:04:42I know - that's no secret. You're a gifted keeper, that's why I hired you, but... Look at me.

0:04:42 > 0:04:45- I think you squander that gift. - What do you mean?

0:04:45 > 0:04:50- Do you really think the animals are interested in Gary Numan? - I don't talk about him!- You do!

0:04:50 > 0:04:54- And you dress them up.- I do not! - You dressed the lion as Adam Ant!

0:04:54 > 0:04:59- That wasn't me! HE did that! - Did he? Did he do the epaulettes?

0:04:59 > 0:05:04- The thing about Gary Numan... - Don't! I'm not interested! - Let me give you this one snippet.

0:05:04 > 0:05:08- Not only is he a pop star - he has a pilot's licence. Imagine!- Great(!)

0:05:08 > 0:05:13- I've got a pilot's licence. Do I go on about it?!- You haven't!- I have.

0:05:13 > 0:05:17- You haven't!- I flew to work today. - Yeah? You came with me on the tram.

0:05:17 > 0:05:21- That wasn't me.- What? - That was my double.- Double?

0:05:21 > 0:05:24- Joycie.- Joycie?- Joycie Bulachek.

0:05:26 > 0:05:29Who are you now, then? Howard or Joycie?

0:05:29 > 0:05:32I don't even know that myself. That's the mystery.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35- I've got a double.- Why do you always have to have what I have?

0:05:35 > 0:05:38- Tricia.- You can't have a double just cos I have one!

0:05:38 > 0:05:43- Can't I be Tricia? - I'm doing the double stuff. - Let Tricia come to life!

0:05:43 > 0:05:50- APPLAUSE - I fell off the mountain ledge, but my fall was broken by a wolf.

0:05:50 > 0:05:56The wolf attacked me. But fortunately, I had a pistol hidden in my moustache.

0:05:59 > 0:06:02I shot him, but he was only wounded.

0:06:02 > 0:06:05- He took my hand. - What? In marriage(?)

0:06:07 > 0:06:11After fighting with the wolf, I set off to find the Egg of Mantumbi.

0:06:11 > 0:06:15A sapphire as big as a schoolboy's head.

0:06:18 > 0:06:21PHONE RINGS LOUDLY All right, you two beatniks!

0:06:21 > 0:06:26What do you think this is?! A day at the races with Uncle Bobo?!

0:06:26 > 0:06:30This is a real-live action man, with loads of action stories!

0:06:30 > 0:06:33Now, listen up and fly right!

0:06:33 > 0:06:38- Go ahead, pumpkin.- It's all right, Fossil. Let them have their fun.

0:06:38 > 0:06:43- I understand it took Howard Moon a month to grow that moustache. - LAUGHTER

0:06:45 > 0:06:51- Check the insect cabinet. I think we're one caterpillar short. - LAUGHTER CONTINUES

0:06:51 > 0:06:56Many have tried to find the Egg of Mantumbi, many have failed.

0:06:56 > 0:07:02No-one has come so close as the famous explorer Biggie Shackleton.

0:07:02 > 0:07:07It said that Biggie knew the exact whereabouts of the sacred egg,

0:07:07 > 0:07:12and was within days of finding it, when, as legend has it,

0:07:12 > 0:07:17he was frozen to death by a hideous icy bastard,

0:07:17 > 0:07:20known to the locals as Black Frost.

0:07:20 > 0:07:23FOSSIL: Wow! Frosty!

0:07:23 > 0:07:27You said it, bitch. Up until now, the Egg of Mantumbi has eluded me.

0:07:27 > 0:07:32But I shall return to the Arctic, not for the money or the fame,

0:07:32 > 0:07:37but for Biggie Shackleton, whose icy encounter with Black Frost

0:07:37 > 0:07:41left him crushed and lifeless, like crisps under bison.

0:07:42 > 0:07:46I don't like to end on a down note. Here's a song.

0:07:46 > 0:07:49# Turn around Every now and then

0:07:49 > 0:07:53# I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round

0:07:53 > 0:07:57BOTH: # Turn around, bright eyes!

0:07:57 > 0:08:00# Every now and then I fall apart

0:08:00 > 0:08:04# And I need you more tonight!

0:08:04 > 0:08:06# And I need more than ever!

0:08:06 > 0:08:10# And we'd only be making it right!

0:08:10 > 0:08:13# We'll be holding on forever... #

0:08:18 > 0:08:22- Cheers.- He is pretty good, Bainbridge, isn't he?

0:08:22 > 0:08:26- He's a genius.- I can't believe you got sucked in!- What d'you mean?

0:08:26 > 0:08:32He goes to the Arctic, to find the Egg of Mantumbi, doesn't find it, comes back, everyone jumps around.

0:08:32 > 0:08:36- What's your point?- Well, if I went to the Arctic, I'd find the egg.

0:08:36 > 0:08:40- Cos what I set out to do, I finish, sir.- As if! You finish nothing!

0:08:40 > 0:08:44What about last week? I asked you to get Hula Hoops. Where are they?!

0:08:44 > 0:08:48- It's on my to-do list.- When will you get them?- This isn't about crisps!

0:08:48 > 0:08:54- The point is if I went out there, I'd get it and bring it back. - Really?- Yeah.- Why don't we go?!

0:08:54 > 0:08:58- I can't! I haven't got any means of getting there!- Leave that to me.

0:08:58 > 0:09:01- What?!- I'll sort it out.

0:09:02 > 0:09:05Hello? Is that Gary?

0:09:05 > 0:09:08MUSIC: "Cars" by Gary Numan

0:09:18 > 0:09:20Howard Moon's journal, day four.

0:09:20 > 0:09:25Many men have searched for the Egg of Mantumbi, many have failed.

0:09:25 > 0:09:31One man shall succeed, and I - Howard Moon - shall be that man.

0:09:32 > 0:09:36VINCE LAUGHS

0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Stop doing that!- What? - It's not funny!- It's hilarious!

0:09:39 > 0:09:43It isn't, OK?! Do it again, and I'll come at you like a buzzard!

0:09:43 > 0:09:46- Come, now. Let's go.- No. - The egg's not round here.

0:09:46 > 0:09:49Stop tugging my mink! I'm not going anywhere!

0:09:49 > 0:09:55- The egg IS around here... - Mink?! That's not PC! You're supposed to be a zookeeper!

0:09:55 > 0:10:00This is the Arctic, Vince. Different rules apply out here. It's kill or be killed.

0:10:00 > 0:10:05- What, by a mink?- They get very big out here, the mink.

0:10:05 > 0:10:09- This is just one mink. It's true.- No way.

0:10:09 > 0:10:14- I read a pamphlet.- I once looked at a hedge. What's your point?

0:10:14 > 0:10:18A mink pamphlet - Minky Monthly, with loads of them on the front.

0:10:18 > 0:10:24- They said it takes about 90 mink to make a small ladies' glove. - That's cos they're crap at sewing.

0:10:24 > 0:10:27- THEY LAUGH - Do you like that?- That's good.

0:10:27 > 0:10:33- But you should check out my icy wardrobe.- What? The human Coke can? - This is the glam rock ski suit.

0:10:33 > 0:10:36The Arctic doesn't respect fashion, you know?

0:10:36 > 0:10:41Never take the tundra lightly. It can drive a man insane.

0:10:41 > 0:10:47- Know what it is about this place that can get to man?- Not really. - Look through here. What do you see?

0:10:47 > 0:10:51- Nothing. - Exactly - it's the nothingness.

0:10:52 > 0:10:54The whiteness.

0:10:54 > 0:10:57The endless...ness.

0:10:57 > 0:11:01Stretching on beyond the human imagination.

0:11:01 > 0:11:03Desolation of the soul!

0:11:04 > 0:11:07Oh, my god!

0:11:07 > 0:11:11# Ice floe, nowhere to go! Ice floe, nowhere to go!

0:11:11 > 0:11:15# Lost in the blinding whiteness of the tundra! Check him out!

0:11:18 > 0:11:23# They call him the true Arms in shot! In with the claw!

0:11:23 > 0:11:26# Little Johnny Frostbite! Freezing you up and down

0:11:26 > 0:11:31- # Coming in your tent In the pink light! - Arctic death!- Infinite night!

0:11:31 > 0:11:33# I'm tundra boy cos I move like an Arctic lizard!

0:11:33 > 0:11:38- # In a blizzard I disappear like a pipe dream! - All that's left is a gleam!

0:11:38 > 0:11:43# Boosh! Stronger than a moose! Don't lock your door We'll come through your roof!

0:11:43 > 0:11:47# Take your mind off the flow cos the Boosh is loose and we're a little bit hard!

0:11:47 > 0:11:50# Ice floe, nowhere to go! Ice floe, nowhere to go!

0:11:50 > 0:11:55- # Lost in the blinding whiteness of the tundra!- Ow-w-w-w! #

0:11:58 > 0:11:59Yeah?

0:11:59 > 0:12:03All right - proved your point in song format.

0:12:03 > 0:12:06Maybe you'll take this place more seriously now.

0:12:11 > 0:12:14Naboo? Naboo, are you in a trance?!

0:12:14 > 0:12:18- No, I'm listening to Fleetwood Mac. - Ah... Rumours?

0:12:18 > 0:12:22Tusk. ..What do you want?

0:12:22 > 0:12:26Howard Moon and his ugly girlfriend are missing. Where are they?!

0:12:26 > 0:12:30- I don't know.- Listen, Naboo. I know you're some kind of gypsy shaman.

0:12:30 > 0:12:34- You can find them.- I have a crystal ball, but what's in it for me?

0:12:34 > 0:12:38- I don't know - a KitKat. - Two KitKats.- It's a deal.

0:12:42 > 0:12:47- What's that?- A blow-up crystal ball for the shaman who likes to travel.

0:12:47 > 0:12:50Just...get on with it!

0:12:50 > 0:12:53- They're in the Arctic tundra. - Why have they gone there?

0:12:53 > 0:12:56To look for the Egg of Mantumbi.

0:12:57 > 0:12:59So long, gypsy!

0:13:01 > 0:13:05- Why am I digging this hole?- You're digging for fish, so we can eat.

0:13:05 > 0:13:11I know, but why am I doing it? I put the tent up! Am I a pit pony? What are you doing?!

0:13:11 > 0:13:15- I'm assessing the atmospherics... - Really?- ..documenting the journey.

0:13:15 > 0:13:19You're working - raising your body temperature.

0:13:19 > 0:13:24It's harder for me to do nothing that it is for you to dig that hole.

0:13:24 > 0:13:28HE MUMBLES TO HIMSELF

0:13:28 > 0:13:30HE YELLS

0:13:30 > 0:13:35- What's the matter?- My reflection! I'm all blue! I look disgusting!

0:13:35 > 0:13:38- It's not you!- What?! - A man's frozen under the ice!

0:13:38 > 0:13:42- Thank god! I thought it was me! - You know who this is?- No.

0:13:42 > 0:13:46- It's Biggie Shackleton. We found him.- I- found him!

0:13:46 > 0:13:48- We're a team, though.- Oh, yeah.

0:13:48 > 0:13:53- Vince... You know what happened to him, don't you?- Was he frozen?

0:13:53 > 0:13:57It's a bit worse than that. This is the work of the Black Frost.

0:13:57 > 0:14:01- Who is this Black Frost? - Old Eskimo legend.

0:14:01 > 0:14:05Tells of a terrible frost that descends in an instant.

0:14:05 > 0:14:11It can freeze a man in a second. You try to scream, you can't. Black Frost freezes it in mid-air.

0:14:11 > 0:14:15Aa-agh... All jutting out your mouth in an icy tangle.

0:14:15 > 0:14:19- Howard... All this stuff coming out of his mouth!- Yes.- These shapes!

0:14:19 > 0:14:23They're his last words - frozen in time! We found them!

0:14:23 > 0:14:27- I- found them!- Stop saying that! - Oh, yeah, yeah!- We're a team!

0:14:27 > 0:14:30Can you dig out his words? I'll put the stove on.

0:14:30 > 0:14:35- Have a cup of tea(!) I'll dig... - No! We're gonna defrost the last words of Biggie Shackleton.

0:14:35 > 0:14:40I'm just gonna do my journal. ..Howard Moon's journal, day six.

0:14:40 > 0:14:44I've just found the last words of Biggie Shackleton.

0:14:44 > 0:14:49I found them - me, on my own. Vince was asleep at the time.

0:14:49 > 0:14:52Must wake him to tell him the good news.

0:14:54 > 0:14:57The scientific breakthrough of the century.

0:14:57 > 0:15:01- Yeah.- Pass me the first of his last words.- Get off!

0:15:01 > 0:15:06- Getting them in the right order. - We're not playing Scrabble! Come on!- That's the first one.

0:15:06 > 0:15:10WATER HISSES ECHOED: Egg of Mantumbi...

0:15:10 > 0:15:15- It's working!- It's about the egg! - Give me the next one.- OK, that's it.

0:15:17 > 0:15:19ECHOED: ..can be found...

0:15:19 > 0:15:23- "Can be found"!- I know! - He has a funny voice!

0:15:23 > 0:15:27- He was being frozen as he said it! Give me the next one!- That one.

0:15:27 > 0:15:31ECHOED: ..in the cave of...

0:15:31 > 0:15:36- The Egg of Mantumbi...- Can be found...- In the cave of... This it!- This is the last one!

0:15:36 > 0:15:38OK...

0:15:40 > 0:15:44- ECHOED VOICE, MOBILE PHONE RINGS DROWNING OUT WHAT IS SAID - No!

0:15:50 > 0:15:53- Howard...- Piss off!

0:15:53 > 0:15:58- Howard, it's freezing out here.- Get used to it! You're on night watch!

0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Night watch?- Yeah. The Arctic is a dangerous place.

0:16:01 > 0:16:05Whatever you do, don't fall asleep.

0:16:26 > 0:16:29GROWLING

0:16:29 > 0:16:31Oh!

0:16:35 > 0:16:38As you know, Howard and Vince have disappeared.

0:16:38 > 0:16:44There were great keepers, and will be difficult to replace.

0:16:44 > 0:16:47But we must try.

0:16:47 > 0:16:52Now, what qualifications do you two feel you have to work at the zoo?

0:16:53 > 0:16:56Er...er...

0:16:56 > 0:17:01When a young kitten, and he in the bag,

0:17:01 > 0:17:06- and I make a mango and I flat him out!- Yeah!

0:17:06 > 0:17:10- HE LAUGHS - And they go and away and fly!

0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Do you have any paperwork?- Er...

0:17:16 > 0:17:20- That's my own mail! All right...- Hey!

0:17:20 > 0:17:22- Hey!- Hey!

0:17:24 > 0:17:26Great.

0:17:28 > 0:17:31HE SINGS INCOHERENTLY

0:17:31 > 0:17:35Beautiful. You start Monday. Congratulations.

0:17:38 > 0:17:41All right, let's get to work.

0:17:41 > 0:17:44- Calla-mano. - Calla-mano, yeah.- Top Shop.

0:17:46 > 0:17:49- Top Shop.- Yeah, that's great.

0:17:49 > 0:17:54- Nice tie.- Top Shop.- No... He didn't get that at Top Shop.

0:17:54 > 0:17:59- Top Shop.- Top Shop. - Get outta here! I gotta work!

0:18:04 > 0:18:06- Top Shop.- Are you still here?!

0:18:09 > 0:18:14Oh... Vince? Come on, Vince. Put the kettle on, will you?

0:18:14 > 0:18:17Stop sulking!

0:18:19 > 0:18:21Vince?

0:18:23 > 0:18:25Vince?!

0:18:28 > 0:18:33Oh, God! Vince, what've I done?! Taken by a polar bear!

0:18:33 > 0:18:35It's all my fault!

0:18:35 > 0:18:38Vince? Vince?!

0:18:38 > 0:18:41HAPPY MUSIC PLAYS

0:19:02 > 0:19:04Day 12.

0:19:05 > 0:19:08Vince dead. All is lost.

0:19:08 > 0:19:10So alone.

0:19:12 > 0:19:14Wind my only friend.

0:19:14 > 0:19:18- WIND ECHOES: I hate you. - Shut up, wind!

0:19:18 > 0:19:20Shut up!

0:19:26 > 0:19:28Vince?

0:19:28 > 0:19:30Vince, is that you?!

0:19:30 > 0:19:34DEEP VOICE: Look deep into the parka!

0:19:34 > 0:19:40- What?- Look deep into the parka! There are many things in here! Things you could never dream of.

0:19:40 > 0:19:45- Like what?- Rubies. - I've dreamt of rubies.

0:19:46 > 0:19:48Lesbian ham?

0:19:48 > 0:19:51I'm not interested in your stupid dreams!

0:19:51 > 0:19:55My friend is dead! I'm staying here to die. Leave me alone!

0:19:55 > 0:20:00Look deep into the parka and show me what you dream of.

0:20:08 > 0:20:11The egg!

0:20:12 > 0:20:15Do you like Gary Numan?

0:20:15 > 0:20:21- DEEP AND ECHOED: Who? - He's a pop star, but he's got a pilot's licence. Imagine that.

0:20:26 > 0:20:29WOLF HOWLS

0:20:31 > 0:20:34I'd better look for Howard. I'm worried about him.

0:20:34 > 0:20:37So, um... I've had a really good time.

0:20:37 > 0:20:41It's been great, and I'll probably see you around.

0:20:41 > 0:20:43Hold me.

0:20:43 > 0:20:45What?

0:20:45 > 0:20:47Nothing.

0:20:49 > 0:20:52- Did you say, "Hold me"?- No.

0:21:10 > 0:21:14We worked at the zoo together. He could talk to animals.

0:21:14 > 0:21:18He said he was Mowgli in flares, but you don't know who he is.

0:21:19 > 0:21:23- HE SIGHS - Shame. He was a brave man.

0:21:24 > 0:21:30Well... Not so much brave, really, as stupid. Didn't really understand the seriousness of the situation.

0:21:30 > 0:21:34That is an interesting story. But now we must eat.

0:21:34 > 0:21:37Dine with us and try the local delicacy.

0:21:37 > 0:21:39RETCHING

0:21:39 > 0:21:42Yeah... I'm not actually that hungry.

0:21:42 > 0:21:46We will be very offended if you do not eat with us.

0:21:46 > 0:21:49I'm sure I could try a little bit.

0:21:55 > 0:21:56Mmm.

0:21:56 > 0:22:01Ah, here comes the food now. Sandwiches - my favourite.

0:22:01 > 0:22:03Somebody clean this sick away.

0:22:03 > 0:22:08The time for eating has passed. Tie up the prisoner.

0:22:08 > 0:22:12- What's going on?!- You are to be sacrificed.- Why?!

0:22:12 > 0:22:15- You planned to steal something! - Steal what?!

0:22:15 > 0:22:18We are the keepers of the Egg of Mantumbi.

0:22:25 > 0:22:29I'm just passing through. I'm not interested in the egg!

0:22:29 > 0:22:34- The explain this!- 'Can't wait to get my hands on the Egg of Mantumbi.'

0:22:34 > 0:22:38That's not me. 'Then I - Howard Moon - will be rich and famous.'

0:22:39 > 0:22:44- Now we must summon Lugaro. - Who?!- The Black Frost.

0:22:50 > 0:22:54Don't kill me! I've got so much to give!

0:22:55 > 0:22:59- It's me!- Vince!- Shh!- You're alive! - (Yeah.)- What about the polar bear?

0:22:59 > 0:23:04- We just got on!- With a polar bear? - Well, we just clicked! Come on!

0:23:04 > 0:23:07Vince, Vince, Vince! Vince, Vince! The egg!

0:23:07 > 0:23:11- It's so close! Oh, come on!- Yeah!

0:23:11 > 0:23:15- Yeah?- But what about them?- They're in a trance. They'll never know.

0:23:15 > 0:23:18THEY CHANT

0:23:26 > 0:23:30ALARM BLARES

0:23:35 > 0:23:38So this is it, Vince.

0:23:38 > 0:23:39Yeah.

0:23:39 > 0:23:42So close, yet so far.

0:23:44 > 0:23:47- What are you last words gonna be? - What do you mean?

0:23:47 > 0:23:51When Black Frost freezes you. What are your last words gonna be?

0:23:51 > 0:23:56I'll probably just do some poetry. Something from my seventies period.

0:23:56 > 0:23:58- Yeah.- You know.

0:23:58 > 0:24:02- What about you?- I'll probably just swear my tits off.

0:24:02 > 0:24:05That's a good idea.

0:24:06 > 0:24:07Ah...

0:24:07 > 0:24:12- Howard?- Hmm?- I don't wanna die. - Hey... Come on, little man.

0:24:12 > 0:24:14It's gonna be all right.

0:24:14 > 0:24:17- Is it?- Not really.

0:24:17 > 0:24:21In fact, we're gonna be frozen in the most horrific way possible,

0:24:21 > 0:24:25- but we had good times, yeah? - Yeah.- Remember the zoo?- Yeah.

0:24:25 > 0:24:28- Remember the sticklebacks?- Yeah.

0:24:28 > 0:24:31Stickleback, stickleback, stickleback, bourgeois.

0:24:31 > 0:24:34Kresky in the bingo hall! Running like a china horse!

0:24:34 > 0:24:39THEY CHANT

0:24:39 > 0:24:42- THEY LAUGH - Yeah.

0:24:45 > 0:24:47Vince...

0:24:47 > 0:24:51This is difficult for me, but I feel as though I should say this.

0:24:51 > 0:24:53I love you, Vince.

0:24:54 > 0:24:58- VINCE SNIGGERS - What're you doing?

0:24:58 > 0:25:00- Nothing.- Are you laughing?!

0:25:00 > 0:25:03- No.- You better not be laughing at me now!

0:25:03 > 0:25:07- I said I love you! Don't laugh! - You made me.- How humiliating!

0:25:07 > 0:25:11- You caught me off guard!- Really? - Yeah, it was out of the blue.

0:25:11 > 0:25:15- I said I love you and you laughed! - I love you!- You don't!- I do!

0:25:15 > 0:25:19- You're saying that cos I said it! - No, I love you!- You don't!

0:25:19 > 0:25:24- What a touching scene.- Bainbridge! - I'll just take that, have a piss, and be off.

0:25:25 > 0:25:28ALARM BLARES, IT BEEPS OFF

0:25:28 > 0:25:31- Are you gonna untie us?- Oh, no.

0:25:31 > 0:25:34The thing is, I find you two repulsive.

0:25:34 > 0:25:36Bye-bye.

0:25:36 > 0:25:38MANIACAL LAUGHTER

0:25:38 > 0:25:42RAVE MUSIC PLAYS

0:25:46 > 0:25:50Now, listen here, you icy bastard! Let's set some ground rules!

0:26:05 > 0:26:10THEY SCREAM, RAVE MUSIC CONTINUES, THEN SUDDENLY STOPS

0:26:14 > 0:26:16GROWLING

0:26:16 > 0:26:18Ooh, crikey!

0:26:22 > 0:26:24I'm having them.

0:26:38 > 0:26:44"I thawed myself out using the heat stored in my moustache," says Dixon Bainbridge, man of action.

0:26:44 > 0:26:47- Yeah, yeah. Did you get me those Hula Hoops?- No, I didn't.

0:26:47 > 0:26:50- When will you?!- Later, OK! Listen!

0:26:50 > 0:26:55"I killed a whale and, using its jawbone, fashioned a sledge which took me to Reykjavik."

0:26:55 > 0:27:01- Can I have the money? I'll get them myself.- I haven't got the money! - I gave it to you!- I invested it!

0:27:01 > 0:27:06LAUGHTER And so, the moral of the story is, never look...

0:27:08 > 0:27:11HUMMING

0:27:15 > 0:27:17# It's cold outside

0:27:20 > 0:27:24# And I wonder what I'm doing in a place like this... #

0:27:24 > 0:27:27Aw-w-w.