0:00:02 > 0:00:06- Hi, welcome to the show. My name's Howard Moon. This is Vince Noir.- Hi.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09This week we tackle "heroes". What is a hero?
0:00:09 > 0:00:12Who is a hero? Am I a hero?
0:00:12 > 0:00:16- No way!- That's a question we're gonna be tackling in the show.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20- Can anyone really BE a hero in the modern world?- Mick Jagger.
0:00:20 > 0:00:25- Yeah, I'm talking about REAL heroes. - HE'S a real hero. A monkey genius! - I mean people like Livingstone.- Who?
0:00:25 > 0:00:31Explorers. People who went deep into the heart of darkness, yeah, to confront the terrifying abyss.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35- What would Jagger do, confronted by the abyss?- Probably go like this...
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Enjoy the show.
0:00:44 > 0:00:49Come with us now on a journey through time and space...
0:00:49 > 0:00:51to the world of the Mighty Boosh.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06- Can I squirt for a bit?- No.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10You buff, I squirt. That's how it works. I've been here longer. Go on.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- You're in a right mood. What's wrong wi' you?- Zoo's falling apart.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Never used to be like this. Not when Tommy ran the zoo.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20# Tommy
0:01:20 > 0:01:22# Where you go?
0:01:22 > 0:01:25# Tommy Where you go, where you go?
0:01:25 > 0:01:28# Where are you now, Tommy? #
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- He's dead.- He's not dead.- He is.
0:01:30 > 0:01:36- He fell in the ocelot pit, everyone knows that.- They never found a body. - Never found? They munched him down
0:01:36 > 0:01:42- like an old Twix.- I find that difficult to believe. Tommy was one of the greatest zookeepers ever. No?
0:01:42 > 0:01:47- Ocelots were no match for Tommy. He was a great man! A powerful, a handsome man.- Handsome?- Yeah.
0:01:47 > 0:01:53- I've seen footage - big, wide head! - Yeah.- Short, stocky legs.- That was the look in the mid to late '50s.
0:01:53 > 0:01:59- The barrel head?- All the rage. Women swooned when Tommy shuffled in. Different aesthetic then.
0:01:59 > 0:02:04None o' your fashionable androgyny in Tommy's day. A man's man. I mean, look at you.
0:02:04 > 0:02:09Feather-cut, pointy features - put you in the '50s, you'd be imprisoned as a witch. Locked in a trunk.
0:02:09 > 0:02:15- This IS the Mod style.- You're not a Mod!- I'm KING of the Mods. I'm getting into the Mod scene.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Check this guy out.- Who's that berk?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Uber-Mod. Look at his hair.
0:02:21 > 0:02:26- It's over a metre tall. - That's good?- Yeah. I reckon I could take his title.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30With enough cheap whiz and a powerful hairdryer, I could beat that.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35Start off in Europe, yeah, take that title, then BANG, worldwide. Whoa!
0:02:35 > 0:02:41- It'll be enormous, block the sun. You'll be living in the shadows. - Are you ill?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- Tommy hated Mods.- Thought he might.
0:02:45 > 0:02:50- They enraged him on sight. - Yeah, I thought they might.- Yeah, cos he was a Rocker. Yeah?- Was he(?)
0:02:50 > 0:02:56He'd go down Brighton at weekends, and if he saw any Mods, he'd run at 'em. Head-butt 'em off the scooter.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00- "Rockabilly Rhino".- Sounds like the work of a violent dwarf.
0:03:00 > 0:03:06- He did have violent episodes, true, but between those episodes there was a calmer side to Tommy.- Oh?
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- A flip side.- Yeah. - Tommy was a dreamer.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13We all dream. But do we really DREAM?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Yeah, we do.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Yeah, but do we REALLY dream?
0:03:17 > 0:03:22- Yeah, we do. What's your point? - Point is, Tommy was a dreamer. He had many dreams,
0:03:22 > 0:03:28dreams about this place, Vince. He once dreamed about a zoo so small it could fit inside a key.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Not his best dream, OK. He had others - that was Tommy's gift.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36He could move from dream to dream to dream like the dream-skipper.
0:03:36 > 0:03:41- Did he eat a lot of cheese?- ..Yeah. A little bit too much, actually.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Yeah, he had a problem with calcium build-up.- That why his head...?- Yes.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49- Well, whatever, he's dead. So... - He's not dead!- What?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- He's alive.- He's dead.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55- He's alive and guiding me. I can sense him.- Guiding you(!)- Yeah.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- Guiding you where?- About my business, thank you very much. - About your business(?)- Yeah.
0:04:00 > 0:04:06- You've gone wrong. You've gone wrong in your mind tank.- What you on about?- You gotta accept it, Howard,
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- we all die.- We all die.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- But do we really DIE?- What IS that?
0:04:11 > 0:04:17- A thing Tommy taught me. Never stop questioning the nature of reality. - I know you're questioning reality,
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- but are you REALLY questioning it? - Now you're getting it. - I AM getting it...
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- but am I REALLY getting it? - That's enough, now.- It IS enough.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27But is it REALLY enough?
0:04:31 > 0:04:34'This is a staff announcement!
0:04:34 > 0:04:38'You are all fired, so pack up and ship out! Good day!'
0:04:38 > 0:04:42- What's going on, Mr Fossil? - Bainbridge is selling the zoo, Moon.
0:04:42 > 0:04:47- What d'you mean?- What part don't you get? Bainbridge, sell, zoo.
0:04:47 > 0:04:52They're building a road over it. And I'm gonna go to Miami and take up golf!
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- Bainbridge can't sell the zoo.- Yeah? Why can't he?- I'll tell you why.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- Because of Tommy. - What do you know about Tommy?
0:05:00 > 0:05:07- Tommy's dead.- They never found his body. So under zoo regulation 409, subsection C, he's still the owner,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10and you can't sell it. ..Thanks.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Yeah? Let me show you something.
0:05:12 > 0:05:18This is a contract. It says Tommy owned the zoo but, "in the event of his disappearance", after ten years,
0:05:18 > 0:05:22it reverts to Bainbridge! Suck on THAT subsection!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Right.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29BEEP! Note to self. I hate whites.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Hey, Naboo, how are you?
0:05:34 > 0:05:39- I can't believe Bainbridge is selling the zoo.- He's a ball-bag.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43What'll YOU do? You'll probably be OK, a shaman. Pretty specialist job.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48- I might transform myself into a mighty hawk.- A what?- (Mighty hawk.)
0:05:48 > 0:05:52- (Wow!)- Either that or work in Dixon's, I haven't decided.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- That's a tough call.- What about you? - Well, I AM King of the Mods,
0:05:56 > 0:06:00so I'll probably put a Parka on and walk about like that, chewing gum.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05Aw, it's a shame, though. I love this place. Gonna miss it.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Well, when the lion roars and the wind blows,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- who knows what might happen?- What?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14(Sorry.)
0:06:14 > 0:06:16EERIE MUSIC
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Aluman-basso!
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Hey, Naboo... Naboo?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31SUSPENSEFUL INCIDENTAL JUNGLE DRUMBEATS
0:06:34 > 0:06:36DRUM STOPS
0:06:37 > 0:06:39DRUMBEATS...
0:06:39 > 0:06:41STOP
0:06:41 > 0:06:42DRUMBEATS...
0:06:42 > 0:06:43STOP
0:06:43 > 0:06:44ETC
0:06:46 > 0:06:47DRUMBEATS...
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- FADE - Aha! Don't take me on, I'm King of the Mods.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Put me through to Dixon Bainbridge...
0:06:56 > 0:06:59I don't know how to dial... Thank you.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01PHONE RINGS
0:07:03 > 0:07:07- Dixon Bainbridge.- Hello, Ba-Bainbridge? It's Bobby-Bob-Bob.
0:07:07 > 0:07:13- I'm busy, Fossil. Is there a problem with the sale of the zoo? - No, that's all fine and dandy.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16But Howard's been asking questions about Tommy.
0:07:16 > 0:07:22You listen! If you catch Moon sniffing around that Jungle Room, do what we did last time.
0:07:22 > 0:07:27- What, ride in a pickup truck and beat up midgets?- No, lock him in there!
0:07:27 > 0:07:32- The place is crawling with wolves. He'll be dead by dawn. - Oh, yeah, right.- Good day, sir.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37- Are you wearing any pants? - I said good day, sir!
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- ROAR! - Come on, rhino!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42DOVE COOS
0:07:42 > 0:07:45THEY SIGH
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- So this is it.- Yeah.
0:07:47 > 0:07:52- Crazy times we've had here, eh? - Mmm... D'you remember my first day?
0:07:52 > 0:07:57- Yeah.- Aw, it was brilliant. You took me out of school, said GCSEs weren't important.
0:07:57 > 0:08:03I remember I was on frogs. There was a newt involved. I didn't know WHAT was happening. Started trembling.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- Never tremble with a newt.- Exactly! - It'll change its sex.- I didn't know.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- You taught me that.- Yep.- Remember when that llama got out?- Oh, yeah.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16- He went AWOL. Went crazy! Started hoofing the public. Remember?- Mmm.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20Out there hoofing doctors, hoofing vicars! He got in the gift shop,
0:08:20 > 0:08:26put a false moustache on. Little girl, "Can I have a pencil top?" HOOH! Hoofed her out the shop.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30- Aw! No-one could get near that llama.- Mmm.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32But YOU, you got off with it.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Yeah. It's one of the few ways to calm a llama down.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- # Calm a llama down - Calm a llama- deep down
0:08:39 > 0:08:42# In the ocean blue like a barnacle Sitting in a tight place
0:08:42 > 0:08:45# Laughin' like a monkey I'm pullin' like a China boy
0:08:45 > 0:08:49# Caraway, caraway, caraway Noise, boing, chicka! Masala boing chicka!
0:08:49 > 0:08:51# Masala o-o-oh!
0:08:51 > 0:08:54# Tooth! Tooth! Fffft! #
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Ahh...- Mmm...- Ah, well.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00I got you something.
0:09:00 > 0:09:07- Little gift, there.- Aw!- A little something, memento. So when you look at that, you'll...think of me.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- What did you get me?- Er...
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Oh, um...
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Oh! I got you this.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18EERIE MUSIC
0:09:18 > 0:09:22- Where did you get this?!- I didn't STEAL it.- Where did you find it?!
0:09:22 > 0:09:28- Outside the old Jungle Room.- The old Jungle Room?- Yeah.- It's Tommy's. - So?- D'you see what this means?
0:09:28 > 0:09:34- No.- Jungle Room shut down ten years ago. Tommy disappeared ten years ago. This necklace found there.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Shut ten years. Tommy, ten years ago. Necklace.
0:09:37 > 0:09:44- Tommy - Jungle Room.- No!- Alive. We gotta get him. Only he can stop the sale of the zoo! LET'S GO!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04CREAK!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07JUNGLY SQUAWKS AND CROAKS
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Hey, how's it going?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- What are you wearing?- What?
0:10:35 > 0:10:40- You can't come in the jungle dressed like that.- Like what? - Like a Camden leisure pirate.
0:10:40 > 0:10:46- I'm King of the Mods.- We're in a rainforest.- So? I might have to do a benefit for some
0:10:46 > 0:10:51- pine cones.- The forest is no respecter of fashion, Vince. - Really(?)- Yes. Look at this.
0:10:51 > 0:10:57- Check out what I've got going on here. OK, this is my look, yeah? Forest casual.- What?- Forest casual,
0:10:57 > 0:11:01- for leafy gents.- What's this? - Get off my juju beads.- Juju beads.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- They're Sugar Puffs.- Shut up! This is my look.- You look like a knob.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Yeah? We'll see who survives here. Little pimp!
0:11:22 > 0:11:29- This is ridiculous. I mean, we're lost. How are we ever gonna find our way back to the zoo?- Don't worry.
0:11:29 > 0:11:35Tommy taught me an efficient system of jungle navigation. Ever since we set off,
0:11:35 > 0:11:37I've been leaving a trail of sweets.
0:11:37 > 0:11:42- So we can retrace our steps, don't you worry.- How can we find Tommy?!
0:11:42 > 0:11:47Just calm down. I've got it under control. You gotta be at one with this place.
0:11:47 > 0:11:54Hmmm? You gotta get with the bracken, move with the moss. Gotta speak the forest's language.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56FOREIGN-SOUNDING CHANT
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- I don't think the forest likes what you were saying.- Just that one tree!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- Having fun(?) - EERIE HOWLS - What was that?!
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- Owls.- What, pretending to be wolves?
0:12:14 > 0:12:20- They're very good mimics.- What? - Don't worry about wolves, OK? I know how to deal with 'em.
0:12:20 > 0:12:26- If a wolf approaches, simply punch it on the nose.- That's sharks, isn't it?- Works for any animal.
0:12:26 > 0:12:32- Something Tommy taught me. He had a lot of wisdom in his head.- It was big enough.- Don't bad-mouth my hero.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36- Will you ever shut up about Tommy? - Don't you understand anything?
0:12:36 > 0:12:40We're here to find him, rescue him, bring him back.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Did you love him?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48You say one more thing about Tommy and you're on your own here.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Did you kiss him?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01WOLFISH HOWLS
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Howard!
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Grrr!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Ben Sherman, arrrrr...
0:13:22 > 0:13:25CRUNCH!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Howard?
0:13:47 > 0:13:48RIFF ECHOES
0:13:48 > 0:13:52- Who are YOU?- I go by many names.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Well, what are they, then?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00I'm getting round to that in my own good mystical time.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Some call me Shatoon,
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Bringer of Corn.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Others call me Mickey Nine,
0:14:08 > 0:14:10the Dreamweaver.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Some call me Photoshop.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Others call me Trinoon, the Boiler...
0:14:17 > 0:14:19..Some call me Marjorie Kiek,
0:14:19 > 0:14:22others call me Captain Ma...
0:14:22 > 0:14:27..others call me RRRRubbidy-Bubbidy.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32- Look, I haven't really got time for this.- Oi!- Are you gonna tell me your real name or not?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34My name is Rudi.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38Rudi Van de Sanio, jazz-fusion guitarist.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- You are searching for something, yes?- Yeah! How do you know?
0:14:44 > 0:14:50- I know all things.- Basically, I'm looking for my mate H... - Do not tell me!
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Perhaps what you seek is inside yourself.
0:14:53 > 0:14:58- No, it's not. - Damn, that usually works.
0:14:58 > 0:15:03Well, then, let us see what is behind the Door of Kukundu!
0:15:03 > 0:15:04CLICK
0:15:04 > 0:15:07CREAK
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Oo-oof!
0:15:09 > 0:15:14Ah! The scared pipe. This is what you seek, yes?
0:15:14 > 0:15:19- It's not this. I'm basically looking for my mate Howard. - I told you not to tell me!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- Your friend is dead.- What?
0:15:22 > 0:15:26- Eaten by wolves.- By what?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Wolves.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Oh...there's your pipe.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Thanks anyway.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43- Wait! You have passed the test. - What test?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45The pipe test.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- HARP STRINGS - Most men would have taken the pipe,
0:15:48 > 0:15:52for it is worth well over 35 euros. But you have an honest heart,
0:15:52 > 0:15:57you brought it back to me, so I will help you. Your friend is NOT dead.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02- He is alive, but he is deep in the centre of the Jungle Room. - Can you take me there?
0:16:02 > 0:16:06I cannot take you the whole way, for it is far too dangerous.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09But I can take you some of the way.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Come, hop upon my small section of Woodstock.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Great!
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Let the journey commence!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19TRUNDLY CLUNKS
0:16:25 > 0:16:27- Is that it?- I can go no further.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- Oh, great(!)- Do not be afraid,
0:16:30 > 0:16:35pretty lady. If you are in danger, play this simple tune and I will come to your aid.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37DOO-DI-DOO!
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Wow. Thanks, Rudi.
0:16:39 > 0:16:44- You've been great. I dunno what to say.- Don't say anything.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Simply kiss my balls.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- I'm not doing that.- You have passed the test.- What test?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54The ball test. Most men would have kissed my balls,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- for they are worth...- Bye. - Good luck!
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Hello, stranger. You look weary from your travels.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Come, sit down and warm yourself by the fire.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Thank you.
0:17:37 > 0:17:42Only two kinds of people venture this far into the depths of the jungle -
0:17:42 > 0:17:44a fool...
0:17:44 > 0:17:51- or an idiot.- Well, if risking life and limb to rescue a great man makes me a fool, then call me a fool.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- Well, fool...- Thanks.
0:17:53 > 0:17:58- ..this person must be very important to you.- He IS important.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00He's my mentor.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02He's my hero.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Maybe this hero is closer than you think...Howard Moon.
0:18:07 > 0:18:13- How d'you know my name?- I thought you would recognise my voice. - Oh, my God -
0:18:13 > 0:18:15- Alan Holdsworth!- No, numb-nut!
0:18:15 > 0:18:17It is I, Tommy!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Tommy!
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Whoa, now! Whoa!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26What's happening THERE?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Howard?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39WOLF HOWLS
0:18:42 > 0:18:44DOO-DI-DAH!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- OK, mate?- Where's Rudi?
0:18:49 > 0:18:53- What, the geezer with the afro?- Yeah. - Aw, no, this happens all the time!
0:18:53 > 0:18:58You've blown the wrong tune, ain't you? He's on doo-di-DOO, I'm on doo-di-DAH. Should get it changed.
0:18:58 > 0:19:04- Losing a lot of business.- What do you do?- I'm a locksmith.- Um, you haven't seen my mate Howard, have you?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Kind of tall, scruffy hair,
0:19:06 > 0:19:12- small eyes like a crab.- I have, as it happens. Through there, talking to a geezer with a big head.- Cheers!
0:19:12 > 0:19:16- Thanks, mate. See ya later!- Don't be blowing that wrong number again, eh?
0:19:17 > 0:19:19What, I walk home, do I(?)
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Brilliant(!)
0:19:23 > 0:19:26I have survived only by eating cheese.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30And as the saying goes, you are what you eat.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33And I am freaking cheese!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35CACKLY LAUGH I have built up
0:19:35 > 0:19:41an enormous fatty deposit about my face, much like a camel. But you can barely notice.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Tommy, we must get you back. Only you can stop the sale of the zoo.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47RUSTLE
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- Hey, Howard.- ARGH! A Mod!
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- Stop it. Stop it!- What are you doing?- I am a Rocker, he is a Mod!
0:19:54 > 0:19:59- We are mortal enemies!- This is a friend of mine.- Oh. Sorry.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- Who's this yellow lunatic? - Vince, this is Tommy.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06- I found him.- I thought you said he was handsome.- Shhh!
0:20:06 > 0:20:09That's OK, Howard. The Mod is right,
0:20:09 > 0:20:13I haven't aged well. But let me tell you something.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Beauty is but skin deep, my pointy friend.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- Get ready for some Tommy magic. Here comes the wisdom.- Yes,
0:20:21 > 0:20:24my face is hideous to behold,
0:20:24 > 0:20:26but when I dance,
0:20:26 > 0:20:30oh-h-h, how my beauty shines forth
0:20:30 > 0:20:32AND LIGHTS UP THE JUNGLE!
0:20:32 > 0:20:37# Cheese is a kind of meat A tasty yellow beef
0:20:38 > 0:20:42# I milk it from my teat But I try to be discreet
0:20:42 > 0:20:46# Oo-ooh, cheese! Oo-ooh, cheese... #
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- Is that your hero? - Yeah, he's gone a bit wrong.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52I'm gonna stick with Jagger.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54BEATBOX
0:20:55 > 0:20:59- # Oh! Cheese is very sweet...! # - Tommy, that's enough, now.
0:20:59 > 0:21:05- Come join me.- No. This isn't a time for dancing, OK? We've a long journey ahead.- Fools!
0:21:05 > 0:21:10- I know how to get out of the jungle instantly!- How?- Gather round.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I will reveal all.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Come closer.
0:21:15 > 0:21:21- Not you, Fire. ..I leave this jungle every night.- How?
0:21:21 > 0:21:25Through the dreams that come with cheese!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Mmm! I'm skiing in France!
0:21:30 > 0:21:35I-I'm flying a boat! I'm turning tricks in Chad! CHEESE DREAMS!
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- I'm off my ever-loving tits! - Come on, Baby Bel.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42WOLVES HOWL # Cheese is a kind of meat...! #
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Stop...stop!
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I can't go on any further.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I am too old. WOLVES HOWL
0:21:58 > 0:22:05- You and your wife must go on without me.- But we're nearly there. We gotta get you back, stop the sale, Tommy.
0:22:05 > 0:22:11- I am slowing you down, and the wolves are getting closer. You must go on alone.- C'mon, Howard, let's go.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15I'm not leaving him. Go back without him, and it's all been for nothing.
0:22:15 > 0:22:20- Howard, I have a plan to save the zoo.- What plan?- First,
0:22:20 > 0:22:23you must kill me.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25I can't do that.
0:22:25 > 0:22:30- I could do that.- D'you mind(?) This is a poignant moment between me and my hero.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Listen! Howard, remember the first thing I taught you?
0:22:34 > 0:22:38- That dolphins are evil. - No, the other thing.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- We all die.- We all die
0:22:41 > 0:22:43but do we REALLY die?
0:22:43 > 0:22:48Perhaps even in death I can save the zoo.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50But you must help me,
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Howard Moon.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- I think I understand. - You do understand.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59But do you REALLY understand?
0:22:59 > 0:23:00Yeah.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Now YOU must be the hero
0:23:03 > 0:23:06and do what must be done.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- Have you got anything bigger? - No, sorry.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Ow! Argh! ARGH!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23PAINED CRIES
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Ow! A little to the left. Ow! NO...!
0:23:26 > 0:23:29AA-aa-ahh, ooh, nice!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Ah! Oh, not again!
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Ye-es! Ah! Oh, you're killing me! AAAOW! That's good! Ow...!
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- Have you done it? - Yeah, he's in here.
0:23:44 > 0:23:50- Don't prod him.- How will it help? - Don't worry, little man, I've got a plan. This bag of cheesy gratings
0:23:50 > 0:23:52will save the zoo. I'm the hero now.
0:23:52 > 0:23:57- Really.- Yeah. We need to get back before the wolves arrive. Come on. - WOLVES HOWL
0:23:59 > 0:24:05- Have you got another plan? - Er, punch 'em on the nose...? I'm gonna be down here weeping.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08I don't wanna die! I've so much to give!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- Howard.- What?
0:24:10 > 0:24:12I think it's gonna be all right.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- Look.- Mod wolves.- Yeah.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19And I'm King o' the Mods.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22ANGELIC CHORDS
0:24:24 > 0:24:26MOOG INTRO STARTS
0:25:17 > 0:25:19See ya!
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- It's locked!- Don't worry. Leave it to me. Check this out.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26DOO-DI-DAH!
0:25:26 > 0:25:31- Oh, no, not you again, mate! I told you, I'm a locksmith.- Yeah.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- Can you open this?- Fair enough!
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- Whoa. Where's my fee?- Er...
0:25:43 > 0:25:46you can have this pipe. It's worth over 35 euros.
0:25:46 > 0:25:50- OK. Here you go, cock.- What's this?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Your change.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04Animals may come and go, roads go on forever. Here's to Tarmac
0:26:04 > 0:26:08- and here's to me!- Can you just sign, please?- All right, all right! ..Pen.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12Here, Bainbridge. You just gotta click the end like this. Clickety-click.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- Clickety...- I know how it works(!)
0:26:16 > 0:26:17THUD >
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- Wait!- What the hump are you two doing here?
0:26:20 > 0:26:25- Thought you might want some cheese to go with your wine.- I HATE cheese!
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- I'm partial to a bit of cheese. - I love cheese!
0:26:30 > 0:26:31Mmm!
0:26:31 > 0:26:35- Cracker?- I don't use them. Quite meaty - what is it?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37- Tommyzola- What?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Tommyzola. A kind of jungle cheese.
0:26:40 > 0:26:47- Superb!- Can you please just sign the document? We have a lot to do this afternoon.- I will sign.- Good!
0:26:47 > 0:26:52- But will I REALLY sign?- What? Look, d'you want to sell the zoo or not?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54I do want to sell the zoo
0:26:54 > 0:26:59- but do I REALLY want to sell the zoo?- This is ludicrous. - This IS ludicrous,
0:26:59 > 0:27:06- but is it REALLY ludicrous?- We're leaving now.- You are leaving, but are you REALLY leaving?
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- Bainbridge, you're acting crazy. - I am acting crazy.
0:27:09 > 0:27:15- But am I REALLY acting crazy?- It's the end of the show, Bainbridge. - It IS the end of the show,
0:27:15 > 0:27:16but is it REALLY the...
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Subtitles by E Kane BBC Broadcast - 2004
0:27:28 > 0:27:33E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk