0:00:02 > 0:00:05- Hi, welcome to the show. My name's Howard Moon. This is Vince Noir.- Hi.
0:00:05 > 0:00:10This week, I'll be playing a host of characters, but don't be afraid.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15- It's just something I can do as an actor. I can play any emotion. - It's pretty powerful.- Yes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Here's a little taster.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21What's that?
0:00:21 > 0:00:26- Grief of a sailor.- That is genius! - Yeah?- Do another one.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29- What's that?- Cornish guilt.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33- Oh! Cornish guilt.- You liking it? - Timeless characters.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36- Can you act?- Can I act?!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Not really, no.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44- That was me acting there.- Liking that. The twist around.- Yeah.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47- What else have you got?- Loads. - Surprise me.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Welcome to the show.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07To the world of the Mighty Boosh.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23And now, kids, our final stop on the tour of the Zoo-Niverse,
0:01:23 > 0:01:28- Ivan, the hairy Russian carpet guy. - The bear.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Well, yeah, if you wanna use the Latin.
0:01:31 > 0:01:37Anyway, when this guy's not busy being a carpet, he LOVES his dancing.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42Accompanying him today is Vince Noir and his lowly assistant Howard Moon.
0:01:42 > 0:01:47- You know what we're doing. - Electro pop classic.- No, jazz funk.
0:01:47 > 0:01:52- What?- We did electro last week. - Hey, dungheads, move it along.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Hi. This is a track I've composed. It's a kind of slap bass odyssey.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01I hope you enjoy it. It's called simply "Particle". One, two...
0:02:04 > 0:02:07BEAR GROWLS
0:02:07 > 0:02:09He doesn't look happy.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Cos he's a communist and doesn't understand the service industry.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16What he doesn't understand is -
0:02:16 > 0:02:20if Carpet Man don't dance, Carpet Man don't eat.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24You look scared, but don't worry.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28These bars could stop a speeding juggernaut.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Head for the hills!
0:02:30 > 0:02:33You're on your own!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Don't kill me. I love women.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45Nabu, you saved my life. I have to kiss you passionately on the mouth.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Oh! My nuts.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10Oh, yeah. This is more like it, eh? Getting out on the open road.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Getting away from the zoo.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17Yeah, I feel at home on the road, Vince. It's in my blood.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21I think it's because, when I was young, I moved around a lot.
0:03:21 > 0:03:26I lived with my parents, but on weekends I'd visit my grandparents.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30They lived over 40 minutes away, in Wakefield.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34I think from that I developed a kind of spiritual wanderlust.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Yeah...
0:03:36 > 0:03:41I always felt a kinship with the nomadic peoples of the Kalahari.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43- No way!- Mm, it's true.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- No way!- A deep bond.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48They're making a Bollywood version of The Fonz.
0:03:48 > 0:03:53- Have you been listening to anything I've said?- Something about calamari.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57- I'm not hungry. - I'm trying to have a conversation.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Huh?- Trying to get a deep conversation going.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06- What do you want to talk about? - Well...about me. I'm a free spirit.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10- Yeah?- People try to put me in a box, but I break free.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- Who's tried?- It's the nature of me, Howard Moon.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- Who's tried to put you in a box? - People. The man.
0:04:17 > 0:04:23- Have you contacted the police about this?- No, you know what I mean. - What are you on about?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- People are always trying to put people in boxes.- Not you.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29You're the wrong size, for a start.
0:04:29 > 0:04:35- Let's forget this conversation. - How would you even get in a box? - Read your magazine.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40- I thought you wanted a conversation. - I don't. Check on Ivan, will you?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- How's he doing? - He looks a bit bored.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54- What are you doing?- Giving him something to read.- The Face?- Yes.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- He's a Russian bear.- So what?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Give him some Chekov.
0:05:04 > 0:05:09- Want something to eat? - Yeah, actually, I'm quite hungry.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14I've got it all - ultraviolets, flying saucers, strawberry lace.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- Come on.- Have you got any food? - Yeah. Satin zingers.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- No, real food.- Neptune fizz. - Have you ever heard of rice?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I've heard of Rice Krispies.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Check this out.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40That's how turtles eat.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44This journey's gonna fly by(!)
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I made some tapes for the journey.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54- Oh, right. - This is the best of the '60s.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57And this is the best of the '70s.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00And this...is Gary Numan.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05- Eh, no, no way.- What? - We're not having that. - Oh, come on!- Absolutely not.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10- I'm drawing a line under that.- Why? - I'm driving. We're having MY music.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- Not jazz.- No.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15This, my friend, is jazz funk.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- Oh!- Yes. - The double. That's even worse.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22The cerebral musicality of jazz mixed with visceral groove of funk.
0:06:22 > 0:06:28- Funk?- Imagine that.- Funk?!- What a combo!- Jazz's deformed cousin.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Check this out.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- REPETITIVE FUNK GROOVE - Feeling that?
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Wait till the bass solo comes in.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38It's coming up.
0:06:38 > 0:06:43- GROOVE CONTINUES - It's coming up now.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Maybe it's on the other side.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- GROOVE CONTINUES - Here it comes now.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52It's coming up.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Just...
0:06:54 > 0:06:57It's coming up now.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Ready?
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- GROOVE CONTINUES - And... It's just coming.
0:07:02 > 0:07:07I always get them confused, because that bit sounds the same. Here...
0:07:07 > 0:07:09It's coming up.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12SAME GROOVE BUT LOUDER
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- Feel the power of that. - It's embarrassing.- Thumb work.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- GROWLING - What's that?- Ivan's going mad.
0:07:22 > 0:07:27- It's that bass. Turn it off. He doesn't like it.- What does he like?
0:07:27 > 0:07:32GARY NUMAN SINGS # ..I can lock all my doors
0:07:32 > 0:07:36# It's the only way to live In cars
0:07:38 > 0:07:42# Here in my car I can only receive
0:07:42 > 0:07:46# I can listen to you It keeps me stable for days... #
0:07:46 > 0:07:49BRAKES SQUEAL
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Are we nearly there yet?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56No.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58I'll have to have a little sleep.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- You're not having a little sleep. - Oh, come on.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06- No. I'm the driver. It's your job to entertain me.- Entertain you?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- Do a little dance?- Do something.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12I know exactly what to do. You'll love this.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Put him away.
0:08:23 > 0:08:28- Don't get him out again. - I've got other characters.- No.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- Tell me a story.- A story?! - Yeah.- About what?
0:08:31 > 0:08:36- You growing up in the forest.- You've heard them.- I wanna hear them again.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- Do you?- Yeah.- All right.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44When I was young, I was raised in the forest by Bryan Ferry.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46It was amazing. Magic times.
0:08:46 > 0:08:51I loved hanging out with Ferry. We used to go hunting, fishing.
0:08:51 > 0:08:56We lived in a small house made out of bus tickets. Brilliant.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01But Bryan used to go on tour a lot, so he left me with various animals.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05One time, he left me with Jahuli the leopard who was irresponsible.
0:09:05 > 0:09:10He took me out killing gazelles, knowing Bryan was a vegetarian.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13He used to feed me the soft, tasty meat.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18I remember, afterwards, I'd be so full I'd need a little sleepy.
0:09:18 > 0:09:24As I was nodding off, old Calooni - the dirty cobra - came up the side of the tree.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28He said to me, "You should never sleep."
0:09:28 > 0:09:34I said, "What are you on about?" He said, "Because the monkey folk plan to steal your face."
0:09:34 > 0:09:40I went, "What do you mean?" The king monkey wanted a man's face to be a proper king.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43He'd seen mine and he wanted it.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46He tried to get Columbo's, but that was on too tight.
0:09:46 > 0:09:53The problem was, it was so hot in the jungle and I was so full, I couldn't help it, I fell asleep.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- You idiot!- I know.- Oh, no!- I know.
0:09:56 > 0:10:02- Oh, no!- What an idiot! - What happened next?- That's another story for another time.- What?!
0:10:02 > 0:10:08- That's the end.- What d'you mean, "The end"? That's the beginning of something interesting.
0:10:08 > 0:10:15- That's the end of that saga.- What?! Are you Icelandic?! What are you talking about? I want the end.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20- I went so far and now I'm stopping. - Who are you, dealing out stories in chunks - Johnny Segment?!
0:10:20 > 0:10:27- Yeah.- Give me the ending.- I'm the storyteller. I'll decide when you've had your fill.- Give me the ending.
0:10:27 > 0:10:32- You can't leave a man dangling. - That's my style.- The dangler?! - Yeah. The juicy dangler.
0:10:32 > 0:10:38- You're ill.- You've had all the word nourishment you need. - I'm empty. I need the pudding.
0:10:38 > 0:10:43- You're so greedy for the verse. - What?! Just...come on!- Slow down.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Ridiculous. How much further have we got to go?
0:10:47 > 0:10:51According to the map, the animal offender zoo is here.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55If we take Fossil's route, it's six hours. Useless!
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- Why don't we take this short cut? - What short cut?
0:10:58 > 0:11:05- The next left up here.- What, through this forest?- Yeah.- Are you sure?- I reckon we'll be there in 20 minutes.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- Where the hell are we?- I don't know.
0:11:13 > 0:11:18I thought if we came down this road, we'd cut out a lot of time.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- What road?- This road here. - What, this thin, red road?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27That's a raspberry bootlace, you berk!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30I was just trying to help.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34How have you helped on this journey so far?
0:11:34 > 0:11:40You bring sweets instead of food, tell stories that don't end and bring Gary Numan to listen to.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- A powerful body of work. - A stench on the musical map.
0:11:44 > 0:11:50- I've had enough of your abuse.- Yeah? What are you gonna do?- I'm vacating the vehicle.- What?!- I'll walk.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55- Where, down Raspberry Avenue?! You're in a forest.- Whatever!
0:11:55 > 0:11:58You won't last five minutes.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Howard, stop the van! Howard! Stop! Wait!
0:12:03 > 0:12:07You see, you couldn't walk away. You couldn't leave me.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- My scarf's caught on the wheel.- OK.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- See you later.- Yeah. Bye.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16ENGINE ROARS
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Technically, you're not a peeping Tom if it's a relative.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- More tea, Nabu?- No, I'm fine.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39If you're not going to have any tea, I am. I love my tea.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41No! Howard and Vince are in danger.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45- How do you know? - It's written in the tea leaves.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Nabu...
0:12:47 > 0:12:50this is terrible.
0:12:50 > 0:12:57- On the bright side, we can get together more. Where are you going? - I've got to save Howard and Vince.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02- I'll come with you.- It's fine. - No, Nabu, I must protect you. - I wish you wouldn't.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Who's there?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Vince, it is I, Bryan Ferry.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- No way!- Look at you!- Bryan! - Vince, my child!
0:13:20 > 0:13:27- So many years have passed, but I knew you'd return to the forest. - I love what you've done with it.
0:13:27 > 0:13:33- It's a mess! I would have tidied if I'd known you were coming.- Are the ferns new?- Ikea. Look at you!
0:13:33 > 0:13:35All grown up.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40- Is this what they are wearing now in the city of men?- Pretty much.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Ridiculous! Let us celebrate your return
0:13:43 > 0:13:45with feasts and music
0:13:45 > 0:13:48and the slaughtering of a hound.
0:13:48 > 0:13:54- I can't really stay that long. I've got a life in the city. A job and stuff.- Job?!
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- Yeah, I work in a zoo. - Zoo? What is zoo?
0:13:58 > 0:14:03- It's full of animals. It's like a forest, but they keep the animals in cages.- NO!
0:14:03 > 0:14:08- Animals should never be kept in cages.- It's just a stop gap.
0:14:08 > 0:14:13- I'm going to be a singer, like you. - You were the least musical of all my children.
0:14:13 > 0:14:18- Colto the deaf horse sang better than you.- Colto. How is Colto?
0:14:18 > 0:14:22- He's working on his third album. - Really?- Experimental stuff.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- Eno is producing.- Wow!
0:14:25 > 0:14:29- What about my best friend - Jahuli the leopard?- Jahuli has gone.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34There is a curse upon the forest.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Many of the creatures have disappeared...
0:14:37 > 0:14:41taken by Babuyagoo - the green man witch.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Who?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Some say he is the devil himself.
0:14:46 > 0:14:53Others say he is a man pretending to be the devil with green make-up and special lighting.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55That is nonsense.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58He is as real as this forest.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- Anyway, look, Bryan... - THUMPING
0:15:06 > 0:15:09..I had better get going.
0:15:09 > 0:15:15- I've got to find my mate Howard. We had an argument. I need to see if he's all right.- Is he in danger?
0:15:15 > 0:15:20Pretty much every week he gets in danger, and I go and sort it out.
0:15:21 > 0:15:26Take this horn and if you are in peril, blow upon 't.
0:15:26 > 0:15:32I will come running as fast as Hoondu-u-u-u the Volkswagen.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Thanks. I've got something for you.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- AH!- There you go!
0:15:36 > 0:15:38What is this?
0:15:38 > 0:15:43- It's a tape. It's my new demo. - Right.- See you later.- Thank you.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Take care, child!
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Tape...yes.
0:15:50 > 0:15:55Of course, it is all MP3 now. These are obsolete.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01'Oh, yeah, the open road.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03'This is more like it.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06'A man alone with his dreams.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08'That's me - Howard Moon.
0:16:08 > 0:16:14'What's that - a hitchhiker? Yeah, I'll stop for you in this dark wood(!) I don't think so.'
0:16:21 > 0:16:24So...are you going far?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35D'you live round here, do you?
0:16:39 > 0:16:44Obviously, not in the woods. That'd be weird if you lived in... Strange.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48What's in the box?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Is that travel sweets, is it?
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Travel sweets - that's one of mine.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59A big box with small sweets in it would be funny.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Shall we have some music?
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Ease the tension. Let's have the radio.
0:17:11 > 0:17:17# Could you give this man a ride? Sweet mamma he will die
0:17:17 > 0:17:19# Killer on the road. #
0:17:19 > 0:17:22There's too much music in the world.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35That's quite a thumb you've got on you. I bet there's a story behind that.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39You wanna know about my thumb, do you, boy?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Intrigue you, does it, boy, my thumb?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Let me tell you about it.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48I come from a long line of hitchhikers,
0:17:48 > 0:17:50all with bleeding massive thumbs.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54You see the thumb is a tremendous boon to the hitchhiker.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57It helps with work, know what I mean?
0:17:57 > 0:18:01The only problem was, when I was a child, my thumb was tiny.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Not tiny - like a single Sugar Puff. Disgusting!
0:18:05 > 0:18:09Me own mother would reel back in horror like an anaconda.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12"Oh, what is it?! Get it out of here.
0:18:12 > 0:18:17"It's tiny. It's revolting! Take your tiny thumb and get out of here.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20"Never darken my door again", she'd say.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23I had to leave the family unit in search of a miracle.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27I wandered the streets looking for the answer.
0:18:27 > 0:18:32People told me of a magic shaman, part man, part hornet,
0:18:32 > 0:18:35so I went looking for him. I combed the universe
0:18:35 > 0:18:39in search of the stripy insect shaman.
0:18:39 > 0:18:45It turns out he was in a local primary school, in a bin, reeling about with the apple cores.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48I stood there with my thumb out
0:18:48 > 0:18:54and he stung it. He grabbed onto it. It was like he was making love to it with his sting.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58In and out! More and more! The pus! The pain!
0:18:58 > 0:19:05The black voodoo! The wet jigsaw puzzle! I didn't know what was happening! I was in a trance.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09When I came to, there it was, like a fleshy maraca.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14A thumb of gigantic proportion. "A miracle!" I said.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18"You're a true wizard! How can I ever repay you?"
0:19:18 > 0:19:21And he said to me, "500 euros."
0:19:21 > 0:19:25"500 euros?! You won't see penny one from me, you slag!"
0:19:25 > 0:19:29And as I raised my thumb up to smash his tiny skull in,
0:19:29 > 0:19:35I could see him thinking, "Oh, I created that monster!
0:19:35 > 0:19:38"I created that thumb and now it's killing me!
0:19:38 > 0:19:41"My own beast and creation killing me dead!"
0:19:41 > 0:19:44The sweet irony.
0:19:44 > 0:19:50I think he was saying that, although it was a long time ago. In hindsight, he could have been shitting himself.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Anywhere here?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Stop the car!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Don't kill me!
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- What?- Don't kill me! I've got so much to give!
0:20:12 > 0:20:16I ain't going to kill you! I need to sprinkle, you onion!
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Oh! Right.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23I'm going to slash like a powerful horse.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Oh!
0:20:33 > 0:20:38It's coming out of me like a yellow cable. Oh!
0:20:39 > 0:20:44Oh, yeah! I've been backed up for some time, boy!
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Come back here!
0:20:50 > 0:20:53'Yeah, right! Come back here!
0:20:53 > 0:20:59'I'm not hanging about while you relieve yourself. I'm Howard Moon. Man of action. Things to do.'
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Can't hurt to look inside, eh?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25A little shoofty? Why not?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15# Trapped in a box by a Cockney nut job
0:22:15 > 0:22:20# Have a cup of tea, I'm the hitcher Let me put you in the picture
0:22:20 > 0:22:24# Creeping in your room in the dead of night with my solo Polo vision
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- # That's right! - I'm a Cockney geezer
0:22:26 > 0:22:30# I knew the ripper when he watches the nipper
0:22:30 > 0:22:32# I took him out a slice I cut him up a treat
0:22:32 > 0:22:36# Bend your banana Bend your banana
0:22:36 > 0:22:41- # Bend your banana - Oh, yeah!
0:22:41 > 0:22:44# We're the Piper twins We're Jim and Jackie Piper
0:22:44 > 0:22:48# We cut with a knife like a windscreen wiping you away like raindrops
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- # Don't mess with the boys! - Shut your noise!
0:22:51 > 0:22:54# Comin' in strong like a freak-show nightmare
0:22:54 > 0:22:56# Dancin' skeletons White, blue and yellow 'uns
0:22:56 > 0:22:58# Moving through the shadows with the speed of a cat
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- # And if you cross us, we'll cut you - Like that!
0:23:01 > 0:23:05# I use voodoo if I chose to I harness the forces of evil to abuse you
0:23:05 > 0:23:12# The power, a Polo, an evil magnet We're sucking up your soul You ain't gonna like that! #
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Oh, me back's gone!
0:23:15 > 0:23:20- Not again!- Totally gone. - Grab his legs.- Oh!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Easy.
0:23:26 > 0:23:33- That's why you should never bring a trinket back from Greece. Where to, Nabu?- Left at the lights.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43Hello?
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Hello?
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- Hey!- Argh!
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- Vince!- How's it going?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Good. It's going well.
0:23:55 > 0:24:00- What are you doing here? - Some weird bloke put me in his box.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Hideous, wasn't he?
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Hideous? I thought he had a certain bony charm.
0:24:06 > 0:24:12- I can't believe we're trapped in a box.- I thought you couldn't get trapped in boxes.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16- That was a metaphorical box. This is an actual box.- Right!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19It's massive. Check this out.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22HELLO...HELLO...hello...hello.
0:24:22 > 0:24:27Welcome to my Zoo For Animal Offenders!
0:24:27 > 0:24:32We have all kinds of animals here. Behold the Nazi turtle!
0:24:32 > 0:24:36A freshwater fascist for all the family!
0:24:36 > 0:24:39On the left, the Ku Klux goose.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44All right, boy? But our finest exhibit is over here.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48Feast your eyes on Trevor Robinson,
0:24:48 > 0:24:52a shire horse with over 37 parking tickets.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55All unpaid, mind. Evil hooves!
0:24:55 > 0:24:59- What do you want with us? - I'm going to slice you up!
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Oh, I'm a Cockney nut job!
0:25:02 > 0:25:09He slashes one way, he slashes the other, he slashes diagonal. He's like Connect 4 in dagger terms.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13I'm going to cut you up and feed you to my menagerie.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17I ain't all evil. Any last requests, I'll be happy to service them.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- Young lady, anything?- That's you.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23I've an idea. ..Can I blow this?
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- I don't see why not. - Leave this to me.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29LOUD HORN BLAST
0:25:29 > 0:25:33VACUUM CLEANER AT SAME PITCH AS HORN
0:25:33 > 0:25:37- What was that? - Give it to me a minute.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40It's a lovely horn. Let me have a go.
0:25:40 > 0:25:45PLAYS HIGHER PITCH BLAST
0:25:55 > 0:26:01- Great(!)- What about you, squire? Anything I can do for you before I cut you up?
0:26:01 > 0:26:07I always thought I'd fade away to some slap bass.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11But I don't suppose that's a style of music that you are familiar with.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15I beg your pardon?! What do you think this is?
0:26:15 > 0:26:19I'm one of the leading exponents of the jazz-funk movement.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22I'm the slap-bass president!
0:26:22 > 0:26:29It used to be Mark King, but we had a thumb duel and I smashed him into the ground like a blond tent peg.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32"Get back to Level 42 and go about your business!"
0:26:33 > 0:26:36PLAYS SLAP BASS
0:26:44 > 0:26:47You love it, you slags!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- He's all right, this guy. - Can you feel the funk?
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Look at that - he's melted.
0:27:14 > 0:27:19I ain't melted, you onion! You'll never catch me! I'm off!
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Well, that was a narrow escape, eh?
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Let's go back to the zoo quickly.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- You sure you know how to drive? - Yeah, it's easy.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38- You don't have to do that with your arms.- Right.- It's a straight road.
0:27:42 > 0:27:47You fools! You smashed me with your iron horse.
0:27:47 > 0:27:52- Who are you?- I am Bryan Ferry, ruler of the forest.
0:27:52 > 0:27:58- Have you ever seen Bryan Ferry? - Yeah. What's your point? - You look like Terry Wogan.