0:00:02 > 0:00:04Merry Christmas, Eric.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Merry Christmas to you too, Ern!
0:00:44 > 0:00:47APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- Thank you. Good evening.- Good evening.
0:00:53 > 0:00:59- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. - Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. - Good evening.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03- Have we got time for any more? - Welcome to the Christmas show.
0:01:03 > 0:01:08- It doesn't seem a year ago.- Don't come to me with personal problems.
0:01:08 > 0:01:15I've got problems of my own. There's a rumour that Des O'Connor has made an unbreakable LP!
0:01:15 > 0:01:20- I couldn't stand that.- There seems less of it about this year.- Money?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22No, your hair!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27It's good, that. Yeah.
0:01:27 > 0:01:32- I've got an idea.- Well, treat it gently. It's in a strange place!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Oh, I'm ridiculous!
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Yes, you are. That's two he's had. He's never had two before.
0:01:41 > 0:01:48Come to think of it, he's never had one before. If he had, he could've been taller.
0:01:48 > 0:01:53This'll fox him. Did you get my present to you for Christmas?
0:01:53 > 0:01:57Yes, of course I did. You must think I'm terrible.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Good Lord! Of course I do.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03If I didn't, there'd be no act.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07I'd like to say thank you very much for this lovely watch.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10It's absolutely beautiful.
0:02:10 > 0:02:15- I've never had one that lights up in the dark.- Not many people have.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20- That one's unique.- It also tells you the date and the day.- Really?
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Look at that - five past nine, Saturday the 25th of December.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27There you are. It's close.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31- All my friends are jealous. - Ignore him for a start!
0:02:31 > 0:02:35- Don't stand like that.- You know what they tried to tell me?
0:02:35 > 0:02:40That they'd seen this watch for sale in the market for £2.75!
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- £2.75?- Yes. - For that? Ridiculous!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46They've gone up!
0:02:46 > 0:02:52I knew right away it was expensive. I knew that that watch was high class.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57If that watch could talk, it would ignore you for a start.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- Is it luminous?- No, it's Swiss.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Who's ever heard of a watch made in "Luminous"?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06I've got a watch, it's made in Luminous!
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- A quarter to one, Monday, the 14th of May.- Yes. There you are.
0:03:10 > 0:03:15- I can't stop looking at it.- You mean the watch or something else?
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- No, the watch.- I see. - It's absolutely fabulous.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23Look at that, quarter to two, Friday, the 27th of November.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26The weeks fly by, don't they?
0:03:26 > 0:03:30This is wonderful. It makes my present to you look paltry.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Well, you pluck it and I'll eat it.
0:03:33 > 0:03:39- I'll go get you your Christmas present.- You've got a present? - I've got a big surprise.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44- That's your present.- Thank you. - They're all the rage.- I'm sure.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50- I've always wanted one of these. - It'll give you hours of pleasure.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53It already has.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57- Yes...- I thought we were lucky that they had your size in stock.
0:03:57 > 0:04:04- Are we talking about the watch, this or something else now? - We're talking about your present.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- I must say that is... It is...fabulous.- Fabulous.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- Yes, I've always... I tell you what.- What?- I'll open that later.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I'll open it later. Thank you.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Now, later on...
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Couldn't you open it either?
0:04:21 > 0:04:26- I've had lots more Christmas presents.- You nearly got one then.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31- But not one as nice as this watch. - No, that is nice, I must admit.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Quarter to five, Thursday, the 38th.
0:04:35 > 0:04:42- Don't keep looking at it. Keep it under the sleeve cos the light can fade the diamonds.- I see.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Shall I give it a wind?
0:04:44 > 0:04:49- Are we talking about this, the watch or something else?- The watch.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54- Oh, fine.- I'll give it a wind. - If you've got an hour to spare.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58- LOUD CLICKING - Lovely movement.- It is, yes.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- Beautiful.- It's got a gorgeous tick.- Of course it has.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04ERIC MAKES TICKING SOUND
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- Great. Marvellous. - CONTINUES TICKING SOUND
0:05:08 > 0:05:13- I think I'll set the alarm. - Why not?- Which one is the alarm?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15It's, uh...
0:05:15 > 0:05:17It's not that one.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- It's not that one. - It's not that one.- No.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- That's a spare!- A spare? Oh, I see.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28- I'll save that for you.- Thank you.
0:05:28 > 0:05:35- That was close.- It's the loveliest present I've ever had. And I like the expanding bracelet.
0:05:35 > 0:05:40- If you don't want to tell the time, you can use it as an award.- I see.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42It's got a lovely tick, though.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46- MAKES TICKING SOUND - It's all right, I'll do it.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48MAKES TICKING SOUND
0:05:49 > 0:05:53I must have given him the wrong one.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56APPLAUSE
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Morny Stannit!
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Morny Stannit!
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Morning Standard.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Morny Stannit!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Mor-ning Stan-dard.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Mor...ning Stannit!
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- Morning...- Morning...
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- Standard.- Stannit.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- Standard.- Standard.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Morning Standard.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Morning Standard!
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Get your Morning Standard!
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Thank you.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Morning Standard!
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Get your Morning Standard!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Morny Stannit!
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- Hello.- Hello.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- Are you the new left back?- Yeah.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I'm ever so excited.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I've never played football before.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17I used to be over there by the rifle range.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19In the girls' hockey team.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24- I wouldn't mind that.- You've got to wear a long blonde wig.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26I wouldn't mind that.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29And navy blue knickers.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I wouldn't mind that.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36I can't wait to get started!
0:07:39 > 0:07:42I wish you wouldn't do that.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45You look as if you've been around a bit.
0:07:45 > 0:07:4942,338 consecutive games
0:07:49 > 0:07:53and I've only had the trainer on once.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56And that was for a coat of varnish.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- Were you lacquered? - Bound to be. I've played a lot.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06- What happened to the fella I replaced?- Charlie?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- Charlie, yeah.- Charlie Crunch?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Legs fell off.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Then his arms.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Then his head.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- There can't have been much of him left.- Not a lot.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26And what there was wasn't worth looking at.
0:08:26 > 0:08:32- I wouldn't fancy my head falling off.- It'll be all right. Arthur will save it.- Arthur?
0:08:32 > 0:08:37- The Cat. - Why do you call him The Cat?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Having him seen to tomorrow.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Looks as if he's already been seen to!
0:08:46 > 0:08:51- I wish you wouldn't keep doing that.- I can't wait to get started.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- Oh, he's here again.- Who?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58The spotty-faced kid with the ice cream cornet.
0:08:58 > 0:09:03- Haven't you heard about him?- No. - Here, I'll tell you. Come here.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Go back, he's listening.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- He cheats.- How does he cheat?
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- He uses a bent penny.- What happens?
0:09:15 > 0:09:19When the ball comes out, I've got to kick it like that.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Spotty-faced kid.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Look out, the game's started!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41We're one down now!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45We've started again.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Ugh!
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Get it, Arthur! Arthur, get the ball! Dive!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03We're two down now!
0:10:03 > 0:10:08- Our forwards have got the ball! - We've got no chance then.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12- Charlie's got the ball. - He hasn't scored for 40 years!
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- Charlie's scored!- I said he would!
0:10:15 > 0:10:20Well done, Charlie! Great goal, that. He'll never score again.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- Why not?- His head's fallen off!
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Great goal, that, Charlie. Great goal.
0:10:30 > 0:10:35- Oh, he's back again.- Who? - That kid with the ice cream cornet.
0:10:35 > 0:10:42- If I was out there, I'd shove that ice cream cornet up your nose! - Leave him alone. I like him.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49APPLAUSE
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Good evening. The pound lost heavily today against the dollar.
0:10:53 > 0:11:00The pound is now worth nothing. This is Ernie Wise, News At Ten, speaking to you from Switzerland.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04GENTLE INTRO
0:11:15 > 0:11:20# Parting in your hair, it's hardly ever there
0:11:20 > 0:11:24# Wash your face, shabby in your dress
0:11:24 > 0:11:28# Always look a mess Don't you care?
0:11:28 > 0:11:33# Mummy's there to see you always look your best
0:11:33 > 0:11:35# Change your dirty vest
0:11:35 > 0:11:38# And when you grow, you'll be a king
0:11:38 > 0:11:41# Never do a thing
0:11:41 > 0:11:44# Four and twenty blackbirds sing along
0:11:44 > 0:11:47# Royal gifts they all will bring
0:11:47 > 0:11:50# When you are a king
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# Everywhere you go
0:11:52 > 0:11:55# People bowing low
0:11:55 > 0:11:59# Carriages to take you anywhere
0:11:59 > 0:12:02# Feet won't ever touch a thing
0:12:02 > 0:12:07# When you are a ki-i-ing...
0:12:18 > 0:12:21# Torn your shirt again
0:12:21 > 0:12:25# Fighting in the rain with what's-his-name
0:12:25 > 0:12:30# Shoe black on your face, you're really a disgrace
0:12:30 > 0:12:32# Mummy smiles and all the while
0:12:32 > 0:12:36# Because she loves you she will worry so
0:12:36 > 0:12:41# And if you're good, you know that when you grow, you'll be a king
0:12:41 > 0:12:44# Never do a thing
0:12:44 > 0:12:47# Four and twenty blackbirds sing along
0:12:47 > 0:12:50# Royal gifts they all will bring
0:12:50 > 0:12:53# When you are a king
0:12:53 > 0:12:55# Everywhere you go
0:12:55 > 0:12:58# People bowing low
0:12:58 > 0:13:01# Carriages to take you anywhere
0:13:01 > 0:13:04# Feet won't ever touch a thing
0:13:04 > 0:13:10# When you are a ki-i-ing
0:13:10 > 0:13:13# When you are a king
0:13:13 > 0:13:16# Never do a thing
0:13:16 > 0:13:19# Four and twenty blackbirds sing along
0:13:19 > 0:13:22# Royal gifts they all will bring
0:13:22 > 0:13:25# When you are a king
0:13:25 > 0:13:27# Everywhere you go
0:13:27 > 0:13:30# People bowing low
0:13:30 > 0:13:33# Carriages to take you anywhere
0:13:33 > 0:13:36# Feet won't ever touch a thing
0:13:37 > 0:13:43# When you are a ki-i-ing... #
0:13:43 > 0:13:46APPLAUSE
0:13:48 > 0:13:53I'd like to thank all my fans who sent me letters saying I was best.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57- And now it's my pleasure to... - I didn't hear all that waffle.
0:13:57 > 0:14:02- It doesn't matter.- No.- What's the time?- Half past four, Thursday.
0:14:02 > 0:14:09- There you are.- How many days are there in December?- What does the watch say?- 62.- Double Summer Time.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13- Open the curtains. - Have you got a surprise?
0:14:13 > 0:14:20- We'll do something for the old folks.- That's not a surprise.- We'll do the old soft shoe.- Good idea.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25- Who's gonna play?- Send on the pianist, please.- Let's have you.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27APPLAUSE
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- Are you the pianist?- Yes.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Well, you're late.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06No, you're not. You're early.
0:15:06 > 0:15:12- I'm Mr Wise and this is Mr Morecambe.- You can call me Mr Morecambe or Mr Wise.
0:15:12 > 0:15:19As long as you don't call me Michael Burney. Even they don't call me Michael Burney any more.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21- What's your name?- Elton John.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- Eh?- Elton John.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- Elton?- Yeah.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Elton?!
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Sounds like an exit on the motorway!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36That's a ridiculous name.
0:15:36 > 0:15:43- Oh, dearie me!- I see you brought on the old jungle box. Gonna tickle the old ebonies?
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Yeah, but these lighting trees and the monitor here, they're so naff.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Is he English?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54I'll try and find out.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57When, uh, son...
0:15:57 > 0:16:01When we... When we get to the middle eight,
0:16:01 > 0:16:05in the middle we'll start to sway a bit.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09It's a swing and sway. Then it's the rebop and the boogie.
0:16:09 > 0:16:16But we don't want too much with the left hand, too much of the "hunga-changa, hunga-changa".
0:16:16 > 0:16:18I get depressed when I hear that.
0:16:18 > 0:16:24- Beat Me Daddy, Eight To The Bar? - All the modern stuff. - Give Me Some Skin?
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- You were the first with the spats. - Yes, I was.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31I mean, Subbuteo started with him.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34# Oh, what are you doing tonight? #
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Ignore that. It doesn't work.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39SINGS TO HIMSELF
0:16:39 > 0:16:43He has to do it like that - keep the watch moving.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48- OK, we'll do the old soft shoe, right?- All right?
0:16:48 > 0:16:52ERIC AND ERNIE: A one, two, a one, two, three, four...
0:16:52 > 0:16:54- What about the bread?- Eh?
0:16:54 > 0:16:59- The bread.- The bread?- You've brought sandwiches, have you?
0:16:59 > 0:17:05- Do you want sandwiches?- No.- Flask of coffee?- He's picnic-orientated. It's the way he walks!
0:17:05 > 0:17:12- No, no, the money.- That's got nothing to do with me. He does all the business. Nothing to do with...
0:17:12 > 0:17:20- Money, eh?- Hmm.- Well, if you can do the job, you can have any money you like. How much do you want?
0:17:20 > 0:17:2210, 20, 50? A pound?
0:17:26 > 0:17:31- How, uh... How much do you normally get?- About £5 an hour.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33That's more than what we get.
0:17:33 > 0:17:41- Well, we only want ten minutes. How can we get ten minutes?- Here's a calculator. Work it out.- OK.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46- What's it say?- "25p, Thursday."
0:17:46 > 0:17:51I got it the same place I got the watch, you see.
0:17:52 > 0:17:59- Can you play Give Me That Old Soft Shoe?- I'll try. I don't think any music will come out.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- TAPS IN RHYTHM - Oh, yes.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06- APPLAUSE - No, I meant...
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- I meant the pianist man. - Oh, him?- Yeah.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- Elton!- We'll give you four in, OK?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17One, two, three, four.
0:18:17 > 0:18:22Do you want this blues, reggae or funky?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Can he say "funky"?
0:18:33 > 0:18:36No, "funky"!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39You were close.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44The studio manager's looking it up.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46It's a gift he has.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52- We'll do it "reggie".- We'll do it the "reggie". Two, three...
0:18:52 > 0:18:56- I tell you what.- Has the leg gone? - We're not getting anywhere.
0:18:56 > 0:19:03- Just go straight into the dance, Melody In F.- All great variety acts finish on that.
0:19:03 > 0:19:10- We start slowly and build up to a high speed.- Get the fingers going. - STARTS PLAYING FAST TEMPO
0:19:10 > 0:19:12That's it.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Go off!
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- LOUD SNAP - It's fabulous, that.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22APPLAUSE
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- So we'll do that then, eh?- No.
0:19:29 > 0:19:36- We won't do the dance.- You fell off the stage again?- I fell off the end. Short, fat, hairy legs.- Yes.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41- We'll do something else. We'll do the counter-melody.- Good one.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43# Won't you play a simple melody? #
0:19:43 > 0:19:50- Yeah, my mother's favourite. If she was out there, there'd be tears in her eyes.- Why?
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- She can't stand me. - This is the novel idea. You sing...
0:19:54 > 0:19:58# Won't you play a simple melody? #
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- I sing that.- And I sing...
0:20:01 > 0:20:06# Musical demon, set your honey a-dreamin', won't you play me some rag? #
0:20:06 > 0:20:12- You start.- Don't you know the other one?- Yes, I know them both.
0:20:12 > 0:20:19- He knows them both.- You're gonna start with the melody and I'll do the counter-melody.- I start?- Yeah.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21# Won't... Won't... #
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Just a moment.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- HIGH VOICE: - # Won't...
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- # Won't... # - PLAYS HIGH NOTES - That's good.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33# Won't you play a simple...
0:20:33 > 0:20:37BOTH: # Musical demon, set your honey a-dreamin'... #
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Hold it, son, hold it.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44- You sing... - # Won't you play a simple...
0:20:44 > 0:20:46# Musical demon, set your honey... #
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- No, no.- Hold it, son. You're starting to annoy me.
0:20:50 > 0:20:55# Won't you play a simple...
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- # Musical demon... #- Hold it, son.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00"Won't you play a simple...
0:21:00 > 0:21:05"Won't you... Won't you come home, Bill Bailey? Won't you come home?"
0:21:05 > 0:21:10Hold it. Hold it. Can I make a suggestion?
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- Yes.- Ah, good.- Come round, Hilton.
0:21:13 > 0:21:18- What Mr Wise was trying to tell you...- Who?- Mr Wise.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- "Mr Wise." He respects me. - Mr Wise...- It's age.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26You sing your first bit which is "Won't..." Right?
0:21:26 > 0:21:32And you keep going and let him carry the counter-melody. You're singing his bit at the moment.
0:21:32 > 0:21:37- So we'll go through it and you just sing your bit. Got it?- Yeah.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40So, here we go. Right?
0:21:40 > 0:21:45ERIC AND ELTON: # Wont you play a simple...
0:21:45 > 0:21:49- ERIC AND ERNIE: # Musical demon... #- No!
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Hold it, son, hold it.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59It's not very difficult. All you have to do is keep to your own bit.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04- Keep to my own bit?- Yeah. Ignore him.- Ignore me - Mr Wise.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Here we go, right?
0:22:07 > 0:22:11ERIC AND ELTON: # Won't you play a simple...
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- ERIC AND ERNIE: # Musical demon... #- No!
0:22:14 > 0:22:17APPLAUSE
0:22:23 > 0:22:26What I'm telling you is it's...
0:22:26 > 0:22:31# Won't you play a simple melody? #
0:22:31 > 0:22:36And not... # Musical demon, set your honey a-dreamin'... #
0:22:36 > 0:22:40I'm not used to working under these circumstances.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51You've upset him now.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53I'm sorry you came.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09APPLAUSE
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18And now I would like to present to you Singin' In The Rain.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23- What are you doing?- My Singin' In The Rain.- Gene Kelly did that well.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27I'm going to do it just that little bit better.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32Oh, well, I would have said that. You're so much younger than him.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37- I'm gonna do Singin' In The Rain. - Fine. I'm all for it. Great idea.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41What do I do in Singin' In The Rain? What do I do?
0:23:41 > 0:23:43You're not in it.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- Eh?- You're not in it.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48It's just me.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52AUDIENCE: "Aw!"
0:23:53 > 0:23:56So get off. Go on, get off.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59AUDIENCE: "Aw!"
0:23:59 > 0:24:04- I should be in it, Ern.- Why should you be in it?- I'm half a star.
0:24:04 > 0:24:11- Don't try and get sympathy. - I don't want any sympathy from you. I want no sympathy from you.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17All right! Come back here.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Oh, it's that one.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24- I'll do them both.- I can't be that cruel. I'll find a part for you.
0:24:24 > 0:24:31- But keep out of my way.- Yes. What part?- If you remember the scene in the film, you play the policeman.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33All right?
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Yes.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- You play...- Good evening.
0:24:38 > 0:24:45- You play...- I play the part of the policeman.- An American policeman. - I'll walk with an American accent.
0:24:45 > 0:24:53- Ladies and gentlemen, tonight presenting Singin' In The Rain as performed by Little Ern.- This way!
0:24:53 > 0:24:55APPLAUSE
0:24:58 > 0:25:00INTRO TO "Singin' In The Rain"
0:25:15 > 0:25:19# I'm singin' in the rain
0:25:19 > 0:25:23# Just singin' in the rain
0:25:23 > 0:25:27# What a glorious feeling
0:25:27 > 0:25:30# I'm happy again
0:25:31 > 0:25:33# I'm laughing at clouds
0:25:33 > 0:25:37# So dark up above
0:25:37 > 0:25:41# The sun's in my heart
0:25:41 > 0:25:44# And I'm ready for love
0:25:44 > 0:25:47# Let the stormy clouds chase
0:25:47 > 0:25:51# Everyone from the place
0:25:51 > 0:25:54# Come on with the rain
0:25:54 > 0:25:58# I've got a smile on my face
0:25:58 > 0:26:01# I'll walk down the lane
0:26:01 > 0:26:04# With a happy refrain
0:26:04 > 0:26:06# I'm singin'
0:26:06 > 0:26:09# Just singin' in the rain...
0:26:12 > 0:26:15# I'm dancin' in the rain
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# Da-da-da, da-da-da
0:26:18 > 0:26:22# Ya-da-da, da-da-dee
0:26:22 > 0:26:25# I'm happy again
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# I'm singin' in the rain
0:26:29 > 0:26:32# Just dancin' in the rain
0:26:32 > 0:26:34# Just singin'
0:26:34 > 0:26:37# And dancin' in the rain... #
0:26:56 > 0:27:00I'm wet through. Look at what you've done. I'm wet through!
0:27:00 > 0:27:07- # Singin' and dancin' in the rain... #- I'm wet through. It's not nice. I'm wet through, folks.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12# Just singin' and dancin' in the rain... #
0:27:26 > 0:27:29APPLAUSE
0:27:29 > 0:27:31- Come on!- Shut up!
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43- It's a great...- Excuse me.- I love the jacket. Is that real gold?
0:27:43 > 0:27:48Yeah. I've come to apologise about my behaviour earlier on.
0:27:48 > 0:27:55- Don't worry about it. - I shouldn't have lost my temper. - Just keep out of his way, OK?
0:27:55 > 0:28:01- I don't think Derek likes me very much.- No, don't take any notice of that.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04He likes you, but just keep out of his way.
0:28:04 > 0:28:09I tell you what. I would really love to work with you.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Doesn't everybody?
0:28:11 > 0:28:18I know. But we're a team. I couldn't possibly split up at this late stage. Impossible.
0:28:18 > 0:28:22I would be willing to work for nothing just for the experience.
0:28:22 > 0:28:27- Never mind about the experience. For nothing?- For nothing.
0:28:27 > 0:28:32- Nil?- Absolutely nothing. - Well, you do look a bit like him.
0:28:32 > 0:28:37- And much younger.- Oh, yeah.- And in better condition.- Absolutely.
0:28:37 > 0:28:42Erm... I tell you what. Can you do this? Look.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45- Can you do that?- Oh, yeah.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50APPLAUSE
0:28:50 > 0:28:55Well, it's a start. And then there's this. This is a good one.
0:28:55 > 0:29:00- # Bring me sunshine... - Bring me sunshine... #
0:29:00 > 0:29:02You've got a spring in the step!
0:29:02 > 0:29:09And the other one is where he's got his arm like that and he puts it behind the curtain.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11- Try that.- That one?- Go on, try it.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15Just once more, that's all. Once more!
0:29:15 > 0:29:18APPLAUSE
0:29:23 > 0:29:26JAZZ INTRO
0:29:41 > 0:29:43# I was born on a farm out in Ioway
0:29:43 > 0:29:47# A flaming youth, I was bound I would fly away
0:29:47 > 0:29:50# I packed my grip, I grabbed my saxophone
0:29:52 > 0:29:55# Can't read notes, but I play anything by ear
0:29:55 > 0:29:58# I made up tunes on the sounds that I used to hear
0:29:58 > 0:30:01# When I start to play, folks used to say
0:30:01 > 0:30:04# Sounds a little goofus to me
0:30:04 > 0:30:07# Corn-fed chords appeal to me
0:30:07 > 0:30:10# I like rustic harmony
0:30:10 > 0:30:13# Hold the note and change the key
0:30:13 > 0:30:16# That's called goofus
0:30:16 > 0:30:19# Not according to the rules
0:30:19 > 0:30:22# That you learn at music schools
0:30:22 > 0:30:26# But the folks just dance like fools
0:30:26 > 0:30:28# They love goofus
0:30:28 > 0:30:32# Got a job but I just couldn't keep it long
0:30:32 > 0:30:35# The leader said I played all the music wrong
0:30:35 > 0:30:39# So I stepped out with an outfit of my own
0:30:40 > 0:30:44# Got together a new kind of orchestry
0:30:44 > 0:30:47# We all played just the same goofus harmony
0:30:47 > 0:30:50# And I must admit, we made a hit
0:30:50 > 0:30:53# Goofus has been lucky for me
0:30:53 > 0:30:55# Goofus has been lucky for me... #
0:30:55 > 0:30:58SAXOPHONE INSTRUMENTAL
0:31:19 > 0:31:23# Got together a new kind of orchestry
0:31:23 > 0:31:26# And we all played just the same goofus harmony
0:31:26 > 0:31:28# And I must admit, we made a hit
0:31:28 > 0:31:31# Goofus has been lucky for me
0:31:31 > 0:31:34# Goofus has been lucky for me
0:31:34 > 0:31:41# Goofus has been lucky-y-y-y-y-y
0:31:41 > 0:31:43# For me! #
0:31:43 > 0:31:46APPLAUSE
0:32:17 > 0:32:22Hello. It's July and the cricket season is with us once more.
0:32:22 > 0:32:29- There's nothing nicer than the lovely weather that you get...- Have you got rid of him?- Who?- The comic.
0:32:29 > 0:32:36No, he seems to be hiding. I don't know what's happened to him. I've not seen him.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38Is that him there?
0:32:41 > 0:32:44LOUD THUMP
0:32:46 > 0:32:49- APPLAUSE - I tell you what...
0:32:53 > 0:32:57Ernie, Ernie... Could you help me with my boot?
0:32:57 > 0:33:01- I tell you what.- What?- You're vicious doing things like that.
0:33:01 > 0:33:04It's not very nice.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06Oh, God!
0:33:06 > 0:33:12- A hell of a mess back there. - Is there?- Have a look at that on your way down.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15- Who's that?- Bobby Crushed.
0:33:15 > 0:33:21I could use one of those. It'd suit me fine. It's got "E" on it as well. Thanks very much.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28Psst, psst!
0:33:33 > 0:33:36APPLAUSE
0:33:46 > 0:33:48SLOW INTRO
0:33:59 > 0:34:03# What have I got to do to make you love me?
0:34:07 > 0:34:11# What have I got to do to make you care?
0:34:14 > 0:34:18# What do I do when lightning strikes me
0:34:21 > 0:34:25# And I wake to find that you're not there?
0:34:28 > 0:34:32# What do I do to make you want me?
0:34:35 > 0:34:39# What have I got to do to be heard?
0:34:43 > 0:34:46# What do I say when it's all over
0:34:49 > 0:34:54# And sorry seems to be the hardest word?
0:34:57 > 0:35:00# And it's sad, so sad
0:35:00 > 0:35:04# Oh, it's a sad, sad situation
0:35:04 > 0:35:09# And it's getting more and more absurd
0:35:12 > 0:35:15# It's sad, so sad
0:35:15 > 0:35:18# Why can't we talk it over?
0:35:18 > 0:35:21# Oh, it seems to me
0:35:21 > 0:35:27# That sorry seems to be the hardest word
0:35:54 > 0:35:58# Ooh, it's sad, so sad
0:35:58 > 0:36:01# Oh, it's a sad, sad situation
0:36:01 > 0:36:05# And it's getting more and more absurd
0:36:09 > 0:36:12# It's sad, so sad
0:36:12 > 0:36:15# Why can't we talk it over?
0:36:15 > 0:36:18# Oh, it seems to me
0:36:18 > 0:36:23# That sorry seems to be the hardest word
0:36:23 > 0:36:28# What do I do to make you love me?
0:36:31 > 0:36:35# What have I got to do to be heard?
0:36:38 > 0:36:43# What do I do when lightning strikes me?
0:36:45 > 0:36:48# What have I got to do?
0:36:48 > 0:36:52# What have I got to do-o
0:36:52 > 0:36:59# When sorry seems to be the hardest word?
0:36:59 > 0:37:02# Oo-oo-ooh, yeah
0:37:02 > 0:37:04# Let me tell you
0:37:04 > 0:37:10# Sorry seems to be the hardest word. #
0:37:13 > 0:37:16APPLAUSE
0:37:23 > 0:37:25FANFARE
0:38:23 > 0:38:26MUSIC: "LA MARSEILLAISE"
0:38:39 > 0:38:41APPLAUSE
0:38:44 > 0:38:46KNOCKING
0:38:47 > 0:38:49Who is it?
0:38:49 > 0:38:53- It's me, guv'nor! - APPLAUSE
0:38:58 > 0:39:03- Having breakfast?- Nah, I'm not having breakfast. I'm having lunch.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05That was me breakfast.
0:39:05 > 0:39:10- Fancy a bite to eat?- Yeah. Thanks. I thought you'd never ask.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16I've got those two volunteers.
0:39:16 > 0:39:21Good. Everything depends on this false information getting into enemy hands. Do they fit the bill?
0:39:21 > 0:39:26- They're expendable. - That's exactly what I mean.
0:39:26 > 0:39:32- Do they know they're going behind enemy lines?- Well...- Do they know they won't come back alive?
0:39:32 > 0:39:37- I got you two volunteers.- They say there's one in every regiment.
0:39:37 > 0:39:41- There's two in ours. - Let's have them in.
0:39:41 > 0:39:45All right, you two! At the double! Left, right! Left, right!
0:39:49 > 0:39:51APPLAUSE
0:39:56 > 0:39:59- Sir!- Yes, well...
0:40:00 > 0:40:06- You both know why you're here. - Oh, yes.- This job isn't much fun.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08As Kitchener said to the sentry.
0:40:08 > 0:40:14For tattooed on his chest through a hole in his vest A sign said, "Caution, no entry!"
0:40:14 > 0:40:19- We took the King's shilling, we're ready and willing. - As Jellico said to the Kaiser.
0:40:19 > 0:40:24- A dangerous job.- Pay's 30 bob. - Some crisps and a bottle of Tizer.
0:40:24 > 0:40:30Sir! It's a great pleasure to be serving under an officer who's as brave as what you are.
0:40:30 > 0:40:37- And I like you best in The Sweeney. - All right!- We're in, chum! - Now you know what you gotta do?
0:40:37 > 0:40:41- Oh, yes. You tell us where the piano is and we'll move it.- Piano?
0:40:41 > 0:40:48- Sir!- We volunteered to move the piano.- The piano that these gentlemen volunteered to move.
0:40:48 > 0:40:53- I didn't tell 'em the real thing. - Oh, the piano, yes.
0:40:53 > 0:40:57- And what else as well?- First they've got to take the communique.
0:40:57 > 0:41:02First, take the communique to get permission to move the piano.
0:41:02 > 0:41:06- Oh, yes.- This is a map... - Are you sure?
0:41:08 > 0:41:13- Now you'll make your way along here. - Doing an act on your own?
0:41:13 > 0:41:19- Now, listen. To this hill here. The enemy have occupied the summit. - The summit.
0:41:19 > 0:41:26Then you go down through this gully, up here, and your destination is this hillock here.
0:41:26 > 0:41:32There must be another way of looking at this. What do you think?
0:41:34 > 0:41:36APPLAUSE
0:41:36 > 0:41:43Who's come on? Is it possible to volunteer for something dangerous around Arras?
0:41:48 > 0:41:50BOTH: Mother!
0:41:50 > 0:41:54I can't believe it. May I say, sir...
0:41:55 > 0:41:59- Big Bertha.- Have I seen you in the back of a car?
0:42:01 > 0:42:07- Inside this envelope... - Is the nomination for the three best actresses of the year,
0:42:07 > 0:42:11which I will read out in reverse order. Porter, Dawn, Nyree!
0:42:13 > 0:42:20- Synchronise your watches. A quarter to six.- A quarter to six. - Quarter to six.- Ten past eleven.
0:42:20 > 0:42:24- Ten past eleven?- Ten past eleven. - Ten past eleven.- Quarter to six.
0:42:24 > 0:42:30- On your bike!- Sorry, sir! - Left, right! Left, right! - Hold up.- What?
0:42:30 > 0:42:36- Don't be too hard on him. He likes me the best.- I like him the best. - Are you still there?
0:42:36 > 0:42:42Well, we're away. A great pleasure working with you. I don't care what they say.
0:42:42 > 0:42:46I've always admired you. You're a nice fella.
0:42:50 > 0:42:51PSSHT!
0:42:53 > 0:42:58I've got a great gag for you later. "Ruggish!" It could be.
0:42:58 > 0:43:03We shouldn't have done this show, Dennis. Never.
0:43:50 > 0:43:53The map! Get out the map!
0:44:33 > 0:44:36Yeah. Yeah, OK, good.
0:44:36 > 0:44:41Things are looking up. They should be 12 miles behind enemy lines.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43Where are we?
0:44:45 > 0:44:47A-oow!
0:46:09 > 0:46:12MUSIC: "DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES"
0:47:14 > 0:47:17- Send zem in!- Jawohl!
0:47:25 > 0:47:27APPLAUSE
0:47:31 > 0:47:33- Achtung!- Volkswagen!
0:47:35 > 0:47:37Sorry about your arm.
0:47:39 > 0:47:41- So...- Oh!
0:47:43 > 0:47:45So...
0:47:47 > 0:47:51- Ze British pigs... - That's not nice!- Quiet!
0:47:51 > 0:47:56That's better. Have you got a brother on our side?
0:47:57 > 0:48:03- Ohh! I tell you what, Ern. - What?- You'll enjoy this.- Will I? - It's fun, fun, fun!- Quiet!
0:48:03 > 0:48:05He is known as Hans Everywhere.
0:48:07 > 0:48:10Now, my little Englander.
0:48:10 > 0:48:15- Mein Herr.- It's not slipped again, has it? No, it's fine.- Quiet!
0:48:15 > 0:48:19- Ve have some plans for you, gentlemen.- Oh, have you?
0:48:19 > 0:48:26Ve have two methods of extracting information, which I shall call vun und two.
0:48:26 > 0:48:30Very good, sir. Vun and two. I'll try to remember.
0:48:30 > 0:48:35- Have either of you got a coin? - Got a coin?- I'll look in my wallet.
0:48:35 > 0:48:40- You're very privileged to see this. - Jawohl?- Usually in a vault, yes.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45DIAL SPINS
0:48:45 > 0:48:50By the time he gets in, you know, the pound has gone down again.
0:48:50 > 0:48:52CREAKING
0:48:52 > 0:48:54That was just his thumb.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56Just.
0:48:59 > 0:49:01No, no coins, sir. No coins.
0:49:05 > 0:49:07- So...- So?
0:49:07 > 0:49:09It's the So Show!
0:49:09 > 0:49:15- You...- I've got one, too! - You vill be taken from here... - Taken from here.
0:49:15 > 0:49:20..und haf your pound notes pulled out, one by one.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23- Oh!- That'll be fun!
0:49:23 > 0:49:28Oh, please, not that! Please, Mr German! Have mercy on me.
0:49:28 > 0:49:34I'm only little. I was always good to my mother - I never went home.
0:49:34 > 0:49:39They were cruel to me at school. Beefy Miller - she was vicious!
0:49:39 > 0:49:42I'm only little and I want me mam.
0:49:46 > 0:49:50- Hey, you're right! It's good. - I told you.- Oh, boy!
0:49:50 > 0:49:54Doesn't half help your loose change.
0:49:55 > 0:49:59Well... Whatcha gonna do now, TC?
0:50:02 > 0:50:04- Und now...- Yes?- ..for you.
0:50:04 > 0:50:08- For me?- With you ve vill try method number two.- Oh!
0:50:08 > 0:50:12You're going to experience the beautiful Mata Hari.
0:50:12 > 0:50:17- Any of this business?- No. - Just for laughs.- Don't go there.
0:50:17 > 0:50:22No, I won't. I like you better in The Sveeney.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24The Sveeney!
0:50:29 > 0:50:30PSSHT!
0:50:33 > 0:50:34Wai-yah!
0:50:40 > 0:50:43A great sense of humour - that's all he lacks.
0:50:51 > 0:50:53Hold it!
0:51:00 > 0:51:02ENGINE REVS
0:51:26 > 0:51:29Mata Hari's Visitors Book.
0:51:31 > 0:51:33Must be the fixture list.
0:51:33 > 0:51:38I didn't know he did. I didn't know HE could.
0:51:39 > 0:51:45"By hook or by crook, I'll be last in this book." George Bernard Shaw.
0:51:45 > 0:51:50"Aye aye, that's your lot." Oscar Wilde.
0:51:51 > 0:51:53There's a turn-up.
0:52:26 > 0:52:29# Falling in love again
0:52:29 > 0:52:32# Never wanted to...
0:52:32 > 0:52:35BOTH: # What am I to do?
0:52:35 > 0:52:38# I can't help IT! #
0:52:40 > 0:52:43APPLAUSE
0:52:43 > 0:52:45Thank you.
0:52:46 > 0:52:48Now, ladies and gentlemen,
0:52:48 > 0:52:51a selection from The Desert Song.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54By Sheikh Yourmoney.
0:52:55 > 0:52:59Ern, that's the most fabulous disguise you've ever worn.
0:52:59 > 0:53:04You had me going for a second. Not for long, just a second.
0:53:04 > 0:53:12- But I am not Ern!- You're not Ern? - I am Kate O'Mata Hari, ze beautiful German spy.
0:53:12 > 0:53:16I am Eric O'Morecambe and Heysham, the ugly English comic.
0:53:19 > 0:53:23- My card.- It's bent. - Lucky for you, I'm not.
0:53:26 > 0:53:28Haven't I seen you on Parkinson?
0:53:28 > 0:53:33- Vot is zis Parkinson? - They're all saying that!
0:53:35 > 0:53:39- Come over here. - I'm already over here.
0:53:39 > 0:53:41I'll come over there.
0:53:41 > 0:53:45- And you come over here. - You are a very handsome man.
0:53:45 > 0:53:47I know.
0:53:49 > 0:53:53With all zese medals, you must also be a very brave man.
0:53:53 > 0:53:57- That is true.- Vot is zis one?
0:53:57 > 0:54:00- DSM.- DSM?- Don't Spend Much.
0:54:01 > 0:54:04- And zis one?- MM.- MM?- My Mother's.
0:54:05 > 0:54:09- And him? - That one, beyond the call of duty.
0:54:09 > 0:54:14I actually finished a meal in a restaurant on the motorway.
0:54:14 > 0:54:17- APPLAUSE - Perfectly true.
0:54:22 > 0:54:26- But vere did you get zis one? - I got that on the front.
0:54:26 > 0:54:29And that one on the back.
0:54:29 > 0:54:32Empire, Swansea, 1922.
0:54:37 > 0:54:39Working late?
0:54:45 > 0:54:48You must be ze one.
0:54:51 > 0:54:53So I'm told.
0:54:56 > 0:54:59Vy don't we, um...?
0:55:00 > 0:55:02You mean...?
0:55:04 > 0:55:06Yes. And then ve could...
0:55:09 > 0:55:12But only if there's...
0:55:12 > 0:55:14..time.
0:55:15 > 0:55:17Are you going?
0:55:17 > 0:55:22- The last agent ze British sent was putty in my hands.- I know him well.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25His windows fell out last week.
0:55:27 > 0:55:32- You know vot I want from you. - Keep still while she's working!
0:55:34 > 0:55:38- You know vot I want! - I know what you want, young sir.
0:55:38 > 0:55:43But the only thing you'll get is my rank, name and number.
0:55:43 > 0:55:48Which is Harpenden 4463. And it's cheaper after six o'clock.
0:55:49 > 0:55:51Then again, aren't we all?
0:55:53 > 0:56:00- Do you not realise this is where they store ze ammunition?- You mean this is the...? Ahem!- Arsenal!
0:56:01 > 0:56:03APPLAUSE
0:56:10 > 0:56:14- You know what I'm after, don't you? - Four pints, please.
0:56:14 > 0:56:18I am prepared to do...anything to get what I want.
0:56:18 > 0:56:21And I am prepared...to let you.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24I thought you might be.
0:56:24 > 0:56:29Tell me about your British positions.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35Centre forward and the goalkeeper.
0:56:35 > 0:56:39And, since Don Revie's taken over, 28 left backs.
0:56:39 > 0:56:41APPLAUSE
0:56:45 > 0:56:49- Vot would you say to a little drink? - Hello, little drink.
0:56:51 > 0:56:52Ah!
0:56:54 > 0:56:57Porter, Dawn, Nyree!
0:56:57 > 0:56:59White, Hyde, Wilfred!
0:56:59 > 0:57:02- Is that ze code?- If you want.- A-ha.
0:57:04 > 0:57:08- How about some schnapps?- I'll look at your holiday pictures later.
0:57:08 > 0:57:11Vould you like a drink?
0:57:11 > 0:57:14I'll think about it.
0:57:18 > 0:57:22- If you're tired, I'll come back tomorrow.- I am all in.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25Not from here you're not.
0:57:25 > 0:57:30- Come to me? Kiss me gemutlich! - If I knew what it was, I would!
0:57:30 > 0:57:34- Won't you kiss me?- You don't seem to understand.- I want you!
0:57:34 > 0:57:37I'm wearing my appliance!
0:57:44 > 0:57:47Take cover! Take cover!
0:57:47 > 0:57:50Out! Get him out of here!
0:57:50 > 0:57:53No! He's wonderful! I vant him!
0:57:53 > 0:57:55I vant him!
0:57:56 > 0:57:59Zis I must see.
0:58:03 > 0:58:05ENGINE REVS
0:58:37 > 0:58:40VOLLEY OF SHOTS
0:58:45 > 0:58:47APPLAUSE
0:58:55 > 0:58:59A report on the economy has just come from Number 11 Downing Street.
0:58:59 > 0:59:02The Chancellor's statement reads:
0:59:02 > 0:59:07"There may be trouble ahead, but while there's moonlight and music
0:59:07 > 0:59:10"and love and romance..."
0:59:12 > 0:59:15# Let's face the music and dance!
0:59:36 > 0:59:42# You were meant for me
0:59:43 > 0:59:48# I was meant for you
0:59:50 > 0:59:56# Nature fashioned you and when she was done
0:59:58 > 1:00:04# You were all the sweet things rolled into one
1:00:09 > 1:00:13# A plaintive melody...
1:00:13 > 1:00:15# Aaaaah!
1:00:15 > 1:00:21# That will not set me free
1:00:23 > 1:00:25# I contend
1:00:25 > 1:00:29# The angels must have sent you
1:00:29 > 1:00:33# And they made you just for...
1:00:33 > 1:00:37- # A...- You're adorable - B...- But you're beautiful
1:00:37 > 1:00:40- # C...- You're a cutie full of charm
1:00:40 > 1:00:44- # A...- You're adorable - B...- But you're beautiful
1:00:44 > 1:00:47- # F...- You're a feather in my hat
1:00:47 > 1:00:51- # G...- You look good to me A...- You're adorable
1:00:51 > 1:00:56- # B...- But you're beautiful - C...- You're a cutie full of charm
1:00:56 > 1:01:00# It's fun to wander through the alphabet with you
1:01:00 > 1:01:03- # But what are we gonna do about him?- Who, me?- Yes!
1:01:03 > 1:01:07- # A...- You're adorable - B...- But you're beautiful
1:01:07 > 1:01:09- # C...- You're a cutie full of charm
1:01:10 > 1:01:14- # J...- You're like Jack and Jill - K...- You're so kissable
1:01:14 > 1:01:19- # A...- You're adorable - C...- It's fun to wander through the alphabet with you
1:01:19 > 1:01:22# But what are we gonna do about him? #
1:01:22 > 1:01:27One, two, a-one, two, three, four!
1:01:27 > 1:01:29RUMBA MUSIC
1:01:34 > 1:01:37MUSIC: "TEQUILA"
1:01:41 > 1:01:44PEANUTS!
1:01:45 > 1:01:47MUSIC: "THE PEANUT VENDOR"
1:02:20 > 1:02:23- Are you all right?- Eh? - # You're adorable
1:02:23 > 1:02:27- # B...- But you're beautiful - C...- You're a cutie full of charm
1:02:27 > 1:02:31# It's fun to wander through the alphabet with you
1:02:31 > 1:02:35- # But what are we gonna do about him?- Two, three, four!
1:02:35 > 1:02:41- # A...- You're adorable - B...- But you're beautiful - C...- You're a cutie full of charm
1:02:41 > 1:02:45- # W...- It's fun to wander through the alphabet with you
1:02:45 > 1:02:49# But what are we gonna do about him? #
1:02:54 > 1:02:58# When you feel down, try positive thinking
1:02:58 > 1:03:01# That's what I'm told the man said
1:03:01 > 1:03:05# Don't wear a frown, try positive thinking
1:03:05 > 1:03:07# Laugh at your troubles instead
1:03:07 > 1:03:14# You've got to look on the bright side, on hope so much depends
1:03:14 > 1:03:17# With your confidence sinking, positive thinking
1:03:17 > 1:03:21# Helps you on the way, my friend
1:03:21 > 1:03:25# When things look black, try positive thinking
1:03:25 > 1:03:28# Treat every season as spring
1:03:28 > 1:03:31# No glancing back, try positive thinking
1:03:31 > 1:03:34# Trust what tomorrow may bring
1:03:34 > 1:03:40# This crazy world what we live in will keep on spinning round
1:03:40 > 1:03:44# And with good, strong positive thinking
1:03:44 > 1:03:47# Good, strong positive thinking
1:03:47 > 1:03:50# Good, strong positive drinking
1:03:50 > 1:03:57- # We'll get together and life won't let us...- DOWN!
1:03:57 > 1:04:01# ..down! #
1:04:53 > 1:04:56E-mail us at: subtitling@bbc.co.uk