0:00:18 > 0:00:19APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Good evening, ladies and gentleman, and welcome to the show.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25I was reading in the paper the other day that the amount of people
0:00:25 > 0:00:28that have no knowledge of science, I couldn't believe it...
0:00:28 > 0:00:30- What are you talking about? - I'm talking to them about science.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Oh, that.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37- You wouldn't like to talk to them about science, would you?- Ah!
0:00:37 > 0:00:40- What's the time? - About half past seven.- No.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44- No, I wouldn't.- No, it's not really your cup of tea, is it?
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Oh, well I don't...tea anyway.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Well, first of all, ladies and gentlemen,
0:00:49 > 0:00:53I'd like to speak to you about Einstein's theory of astrophysics.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56This, of course, is a very, very fascinating subject and
0:00:56 > 0:00:58very, very difficult for the ordinary man.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59But as you know, we are...
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Hup, he... - BAG RUSTLES
0:01:02 > 0:01:04LAUGHTER
0:01:04 > 0:01:06We are surrounded by a lot of commonplace things...
0:01:06 > 0:01:08- Hup, hey, hu! - BAG RUSTLES
0:01:08 > 0:01:11..motorcars, aeroplanes and vacuum cleaners
0:01:11 > 0:01:13and very few people seem to...
0:01:13 > 0:01:15BAG RUSTLES
0:01:15 > 0:01:17LAUGHTER
0:01:21 > 0:01:23BAG RUSTLES
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Very few people seem to understand about these things.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31- I mean, take for instance the... - Hup, hey, hi!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- Hup, ding! - BAG RUSTLES
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Take, for instance, the motorcar.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- HE MOUTHS SILENTLY - This is driven by the internal combustion engine,
0:01:45 > 0:01:46this is quite simple in its concept.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48I mean anybody can understand that...
0:01:48 > 0:01:51BAG RUSTLES
0:01:51 > 0:01:53- HE MOUTHS:- Thank you, thank you.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55APPLAUSE
0:02:02 > 0:02:05There's a Mr Morecambe and a Mr Wise to see you, sir.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Ah, yes, sounds a most interesting psychiatric case. Show them both in.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12This way, please, gentlemen.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Sit down, gentlemen, please.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Now then, which of you is which?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- BOTH:- I'm Eric Morecambe and this is Ernie Wise.
0:02:23 > 0:02:24I'm sorry?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- BOTH:- I'm Eric Morecambe and this is Ernie Wise.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30One at a time, please.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31- BOTH:- Sorry.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Are you Mr Morecambe or are you Mr Wise?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- BOTH:- Yes.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Do you always both speak at the same time and say the same things?
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- BOTH:- Pardon?
0:02:47 > 0:02:53Do you always both speak at the same time and say the same things?
0:02:53 > 0:02:57- BOTH:- That's why we've come to see you, isn't it? Yes, it is.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02How long have you been working together?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- BOTH:- Ooh, I would say about...
0:03:05 > 0:03:07THEY COUGH
0:03:07 > 0:03:08- BOTH:- Excuse me.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Ever since we were young lads.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- As long as that? BOTH:- Yes.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Well, my first thought is that you've been working
0:03:20 > 0:03:25so closely together for so long that it would appear that
0:03:25 > 0:03:28you're both thinking and saying the same things.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- BOTH:- That's about the size of it.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35And we also know what other people are going to say.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36- ALL:- Really?
0:03:36 > 0:03:40I've never come across anything so unusual in all my experience.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42It is bad, isn't it?
0:03:42 > 0:03:48Well, upon my soul, this really is most unusual.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52How long has this been going on?
0:03:52 > 0:03:56- BOTH:- Ooh, I would say about six weeks, give a take a day or two.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- KNOCK ON DOOR ALL:- Come in.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09- ALL:- I'm sorry to disturb you, but I thought I better remind you
0:04:09 > 0:04:11that you have a luncheon appointment in ten minutes.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- ALL:- Thank you, Miss Potter, I hadn't forgotten.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- ALL:- May I go for lunch now, sir?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- ALL:- By all means. - ALL:- Thank you.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Ow!
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- ALL:- I'm sorry about that, now where were we?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28PHONE RINGS
0:04:28 > 0:04:29- ALL:- Excuse me.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35Hello? Hello, my dear. Yes, yes.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37I should be home about...
0:04:41 > 0:04:46..7:30. I won't forget. Goodbye.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Sorry about the interruptions.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- BOTH:- Don't worry, we don't mind.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- ALL:- Now the only thing that I can suggest
0:04:54 > 0:04:55is that you take these tablets
0:04:55 > 0:04:58and don't see each other for a month.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- BOTH:- I hope they work.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- ALL:- I'm sure they will.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- BOTH:- Good day and thank you. - ALL:- Not so fast.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09That will be ten guineas, please.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- BOTH:- He'll pay, I'm skint. Good afternoon.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14APPLAUSE
0:05:18 > 0:05:20CHURCH BELLS RING
0:05:50 > 0:05:53APPLAUSE
0:06:00 > 0:06:03TELEVISION: 'Thank you, friend. Wasn't that truly wonderful?
0:06:03 > 0:06:04'That really was marvellous.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06'Now, friends, it's make your mind up time.'
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- I have. - SWITCHES OFF
0:06:14 > 0:06:17It's obvious who's going to win that.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Be that 98-year-old woman from Cheltenham.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Playing Sonny Boy on the watering can.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27If it isn't her,
0:06:27 > 0:06:30it'll be the Chelsea pensioner doing the splits over the live lobster.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Oh, where the hell he gets them, I really don't.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41God, I'm hungry.
0:06:41 > 0:06:46I wish Ern would hurry up back from the supermarket, I'm starving.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48I bet he's met that fella there.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Fella that does the advert.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Trying to swap two big 'uns for Ern's little 'un.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Ern won't swap.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Good lad is Ern.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06I don't know what I'd do without Ern.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Probably buy a hamster.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15God, I'm hungry.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Rah!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Rah!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- KNOCKING ON DOOR - Hello?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- Are you in there, Eric?- I don't know, I'll have a look. Yes, I am.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- Open up and let me in. - Oh, all right.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Oh, dear, oh, dear, these weigh a ton, these do.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Did you get the groceries?- Yeah, course I did. Well, give me a hand.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- You'd oughtn't to carry heavy stuff like that, you know that.- Why?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45You'll only displace it again.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- Don't just stand there, give me a hand.- What took you so long?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- Oh, I met that fella again. - Which fella?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Offered me two big ones for my little one.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- You didn't swap, did you? - Oh, I should say not.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00You should've done, we could've had a big 'un each then.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Was there any phone calls for me while I was out?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Yeah.- Who?- Fella from Hollywood. - Hollywood?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- Director or something, Alfred or something or other.- Hitchcock?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12He might have, I didn't ask.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17He wants a thriller from me.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Some hopes there, I'll tell you.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Did you get the food? That's the most important thing.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27I got plenty of food, just help yourself, enjoy.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- What's all this?- Food.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- That's rubbish, that. - What do you mean rubbish?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- You've been there again, haven't you?- Where?- The health food store.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39- Yeah.- That's the fourth time this week, I'm up to here in wheat germ!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- It's good for your health.- If I go outside, I sway in the breeze.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48- It'll do you good.- One more starch reduced roll and I'll crack.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Listen, I believe in Mother Nature. Health foods are good for you.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56They build you up, they make you big and strong.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Give me a hand with this table, will you?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Thank you very much, Eric.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09There we are. Just take a gander at that, isn't it great?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Rubbish.- It's not rubbish.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- What's that?- What?- Sugarapsa.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- What?- Sugarapsa.- Sugarapsa?
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Asparagus!
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- Asparagus.- Well, I can't eat that muck!- It's not muck.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- I want some decent food inside of me.- There's some decent food.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Honey, nature's miracle.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35"Golden honey.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38"Recalls the music of the waves beating against
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- "the sun-drenched shores of the Caribbean."- Yes!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45"Bottled in Huddersfield."
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- You're not having any honey, I'll tell you.- Why not?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I had a friend of mine who was only 26 and was killed through honey.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54- How can you be killed through honey? - A crate fell on his head.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- Hello.- What? - Me poppy seeds have gone.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02It's starting already, isn't it?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05What's brought all this on all of a sudden? This health food?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Well, because I think we eat too much these days.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11We only need 1,400 calories to keep fit
0:10:11 > 0:10:15and I'm going to keep fit with health food and plenty of exercise.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- I'll go get your lead.- Oh.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21All you need.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Was that it?- Yeah.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- That'll do you good.- The human body's like a factory, you know?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Yeah, you're on short time, aren't you?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- Is the delicatessen shop open? - You don't want any of that stuff.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34That's good stuff. It's mouthwatering stuff,
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- some of the things they have hanging from the ceiling.- No.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I'm never sure whether it's food
0:10:38 > 0:10:41or somebody climbing in through the roof.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45It's not for me, I'll tell ya. I had some snails from there.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Oh, I remember that. Took you six weeks to get to the bathroom.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- Good for you.- I think I'll go out to Wimpy's.- Wimpy's?- Yeah.- What for?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Plate of wimps.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Believe me, try these foods, you won't be disappointed, honestly.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03If you'll just try them then I think you'll be surprised.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Puffed wheat?- Yeah, puffed wheat. - What are you trying to do to me?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- What do you mean what am I trying to do to you?- I want some real food.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12When I was a kid, we used to have roast duck on a Sunday
0:11:12 > 0:11:13if the park was open.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- You should be ashamed of yourself. - All right then.- What?
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Now are you deadly serious about all this business?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22- Never been more serious.- Being fit and all that rubbish?- Yeah.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26All right then, take the weight off your lavender bags, sit down.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- If you're going to do it, you're going to do it properly.- I am.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- No half measures.- No. - For real, the whole thing.- Yeah.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Right, first of all,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38join a nudist camp.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- I couldn't join a nudist camp. - They'll let you in at reduced price.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44I couldn't walk about with no clothes on.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47You can keep your cap on. You might have to go shopping.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50The nudist camp is out and that's final.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53That shows you're only half interested in the whole thing.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55- Where you going? - Eh?- Where you going?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I'm taking that stuff back to the health food shop
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- and getting our money back.- Getting our money back?- Yes.- We couldn't...
0:12:01 > 0:12:04All right, I'll do that but if I can prove to you that health foods
0:12:04 > 0:12:06are good for you, then we keep it and eat it, OK?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08- Well, all right.- Fair enough.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- Right, come on...- What's that?- Eh? - What are these?- I'll have those.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Get off.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24"For the get up and go years
0:12:24 > 0:12:28"when young adults drive their bodies hard,
0:12:28 > 0:12:34"giving their upmost, urged on by a desire for success in business..."
0:12:34 > 0:12:37and in large letters, "Pleasure."
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- You're not having any of these, matey, these are dynamite.- Dynamite?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45And you've only got a short fuse. Come on.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:53 > 0:12:55GUNSHOT
0:12:57 > 0:13:00GUNSHOT
0:13:00 > 0:13:01APPLAUSE
0:13:01 > 0:13:04JAUNTY MUSIC
0:13:18 > 0:13:21JAZZ MUSIC
0:16:31 > 0:16:34APPLAUSE
0:16:37 > 0:16:40APPLAUSE
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.- Please, please.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45When I tell you who our next guest star is,
0:16:45 > 0:16:48you'll know why she's one of the most popular actresses
0:16:48 > 0:16:50on television today. Here she is, that star of television,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53your friend and mine, Miss Penelope Keith.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55APPLAUSE
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Penelope, I must say it's really great to have you on the show.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11We're really thrilled, aren't we, Eric? It really is marvellous.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Thank you very much, Kermit.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:17:18 > 0:17:20It's like being on the puppet show.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Muppets.- No, dear, puppet.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Penelope, I must say it is a unique honour and...
0:17:28 > 0:17:32I'd rather you didn't kiss my hand, it's frightfully unhygienic.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Well, that's put the blocks on what I had in mind.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40LAUGHTER
0:17:40 > 0:17:42If you do the show, you would end up,
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- if you do his play, you would end up on the series.- Yes.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46But I'm already in a series.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48There you are, you've only been here two minutes
0:17:48 > 0:17:49and you've got a series of your own.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- That's clever.- Oh, can I introduce you to this?- Oh, I know who he is.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54- Yes?- How are you, Derek?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Now about your play, Mr Wise.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Yes, yes, my play's a sad, romantic play actually.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05It's about the beautiful Roxanne
0:18:05 > 0:18:08and this great poet who's madly in love with her.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10It's about a fella with a big hooter.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13I see and that part's going to be played by Derek?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18She keeps calling me Derek, the silly woman.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21It'll be a great honour to work with you, Derek.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- And Penelope...- She keeps calling me Derek.- Yes.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26It's a great pleasure and a great honour to be working with you.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Have you seen any of my plays on television?
0:18:29 > 0:18:33I did once catch just a tiny glimpse of one of your plays
0:18:33 > 0:18:36and I'm afraid I found it rather violent.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Violent? What do you mean? What are you saying?
0:18:40 > 0:18:45Well, it was just a tiny glimpse, you see, and all I saw was this.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- He does that to me! - Oh, yes.- Oh, I see.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Then perhaps...had some meaning, Derek?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- She's hitting me and calling me Derek.- I know!
0:18:58 > 0:19:02You see, I couldn't understand what slapping Derek's face had to do
0:19:02 > 0:19:06- with the play.- No...- My name is not Derek, my name is Eric.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Oh, I am sorry, Mr Moron, you see all I saw was this...
0:19:09 > 0:19:11LAUGHTER
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- Don't! Don't!- No, no... - You must be nice to the lady.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17LAUGHTER
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- Please, be nice and charming, she's a lady.- Yes, I will.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- Now about my play, Penelope... - Yes...- ..could we go ahead with it?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26..I don't want to do it.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33No, you see, I want to do what the other lady stars did
0:19:33 > 0:19:36like Vanessa Redgrave and Glenda Jackson and Diana Rigg.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- But we're past that age, we can't do it.- Besides my legs have gone.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43- His legs have gone.- No, no, I mean...- Well, one of them has.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45No, what I mean is I want to walk down a care...
0:19:45 > 0:19:47a staircase, a very glamorous staircase.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48- Ah! Well, that could be...- No.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Think we've got a care-stase or a staircase here?
0:19:51 > 0:19:52No, we haven't got a staircase.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55We could get you a staircase later on but a care-stase is difficult.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- What do you think?- Well, no, I think it can be arranged...
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- I can't get down there, I suffer from vertigo.- She suffers from vertigo?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- Does she?- That's wind, isn't it?- No...
0:21:04 > 0:21:06- Heights.- Oh, as well? - I don't like heights.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- Well, you get down there and I'll...- If I could...
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- And I'll come down and she'll climb down.- Yes.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- I'm sorry about this...- I can't climb down there in this dress.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17- My hand, my hand.- Where is it? - It's where it shouldn't be.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I can't get down there in this dress.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Well, do something with the dress, love.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- Well, it's been specially made. - Yes, I realise.
0:21:28 > 0:21:29If you just climb down here.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32I really don't like heights at all.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34- Don't worry.- Can you get that leg... - Yes.- ..down?
0:21:34 > 0:21:37I'll hold on to anything that could...
0:21:37 > 0:21:39LAUGHTER
0:21:39 > 0:21:41- Dignity at all times.- Yes.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43LAUGHTER
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Try a little... This one down.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50LAUGHTER
0:21:55 > 0:22:00- Fine. Oh, are we in now? - I think so.- Lovely. That's it.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Don't worry. There we are.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- I don't think... - Yes?- I don't think...
0:22:06 > 0:22:08LAUGHTER
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Right, keep smiling.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Now, let's go forward...
0:22:16 > 0:22:18LAUGHTER
0:22:21 > 0:22:25- I'm sorry, I've had enough.- Had enough?- Yes, I have. I'm going home.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Thank you very much.
0:22:27 > 0:22:32- What did we do wrong?- I don't know. Who's upset Penelope?- I don't know.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36- Something's upset her. - She had to walk down the stairs...
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Dignity.- Yes.- Gentlemen.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43LAUGHTER
0:22:46 > 0:22:48APPLAUSE
0:22:51 > 0:22:56# Bring me sunshine in your smile
0:22:56 > 0:23:02# Bring me laughter all the while
0:23:02 > 0:23:07# In this world where we live, there should be more happiness
0:23:07 > 0:23:13# So much joy you can give to each brand-new bright tomorrow
0:23:13 > 0:23:19# Make me happy through the years
0:23:19 > 0:23:24# Never bring me any tears
0:23:24 > 0:23:29# Let your arms be as warm as the sun from up above
0:23:29 > 0:23:35# Bring me fun, bring me sunshine, bring me love. #
0:23:35 > 0:23:39APPLAUSE
0:23:40 > 0:23:43- It's Elton John, isn't it? - Eh?- Elton John.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46I'm supposed to be doing The Morecombe & Wise Show.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48- They're finished.- It's over.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52We're the cleaners, the whole thing's finished. They've gone.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53They were very good.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56No, I'm doing the show, I'm doing The Morecombe & Wise Show.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00- You're too late, they've all gone, the whole show's over.- Yeah.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02The one with the glasses was marvellous.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04I liked the little one.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08- Yeah.- They didn't do one joke about Des O'Connor.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- But they promised me I was going to be on the show.- Oh, well...- Oh.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14You need to take it up with them.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- I was going to do a new song. - Really?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21They wouldn't do that to me, would they?
0:24:21 > 0:24:25- Well, I don't know them that well. - We just clean you see.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Well, I don't know what to say.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28I might as well do it.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Do you want to hear a song?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33I've been all over the place.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34- Have you?- In that suit?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47MUSIC: "Shine On Through" by Elton John
0:25:07 > 0:25:12# Oh, my love
0:25:12 > 0:25:18# I have cursed the stars above
0:25:18 > 0:25:25# That led my heart to you
0:25:28 > 0:25:34# But as hard as I try
0:25:34 > 0:25:39# Still my love will not die
0:25:40 > 0:25:46# And the stars still shine on through
0:25:51 > 0:25:58# And the stars still shine on through
0:26:02 > 0:26:07# Oh, my dear
0:26:07 > 0:26:12# Now this ship's too hard to steer
0:26:13 > 0:26:18# The tide has turned
0:26:18 > 0:26:21# Turned on you
0:26:23 > 0:26:30# I have been through the lies
0:26:30 > 0:26:34# That I've seen in your eyes
0:26:35 > 0:26:42# But the truth, it still shines on through
0:26:46 > 0:26:52# But the truth, it still shines on through
0:26:57 > 0:27:03# So shine, shine on through
0:27:03 > 0:27:07# The time we have to fill
0:27:07 > 0:27:12# Though we took our love so daringly
0:27:13 > 0:27:18# And gave it up uncaringly
0:27:18 > 0:27:24# There are feelings left not even we can kill
0:27:26 > 0:27:29# Oh
0:27:29 > 0:27:33# Oh, my friend
0:27:34 > 0:27:38# So at last we reach the end
0:27:40 > 0:27:46# The lights go down on cue
0:27:50 > 0:27:55# I have wasted my time
0:27:55 > 0:28:01# But it tasted oh so fine
0:28:01 > 0:28:08# That my love still shines on through
0:28:11 > 0:28:19# That my love still shines, shines on through
0:28:25 > 0:28:32# Still shines, shines on through. #
0:28:37 > 0:28:40That was what I was going to sing on The Morecombe & Wise Show.
0:28:40 > 0:28:44- It's a good job you didn't. - LAUGHS
0:28:44 > 0:28:45Well, come on, we better get back to work.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48SNEEZES