0:00:02 > 0:00:03Ross Lee is no ordinary man.
0:00:03 > 0:00:08He's a practitioner of pranking and the public are his prey. A master of mischief,
0:00:08 > 0:00:12his mind a cyclone of stupidity,
0:00:12 > 0:00:18this is what happens when he spins out of control and crashes into the real world.
0:00:18 > 0:00:27This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39This is running the extra mile.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Oh, dear.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Errr.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52- What the fuck?- Lady Mash,
0:00:52 > 0:00:55featuring an average Northern man requiring refreshment
0:00:55 > 0:00:58and a bemused Brazilian barman.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07Hey up, mate, um, just a pint of dandelion and burdock, please, mate.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Sure.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Sorry, I've just been talking to my manager and we don't have any of that at the moment.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Are you telling me that you haven't got any dandelion and burdock?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Yes, that's what I just told you.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- What is it that you're really after? - Whatever you want to drink I can offer you.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27I want a pint of dandelion and burdock and I know what you want.
0:01:27 > 0:01:33It's written all over your face. You men, you're ALL the same.
0:01:33 > 0:01:38OK, if that's the way that you want to play it,
0:01:38 > 0:01:42let's do it, let's have it your way.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46MUSIC: "Stand By Your Man" by Tammy Wynette
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Are you happy now?
0:01:49 > 0:01:57Fine, here we go, are you watching this? Just for you, but a deal is as deal, yeah?
0:01:57 > 0:01:58There we go.
0:01:58 > 0:02:04Yeah, there you go mate, now you've got what you want,
0:02:04 > 0:02:06can I please have what I want?
0:02:06 > 0:02:10If you can cover these for me, that would be great. I'll try to help you.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14Are you seriously trying to tell me that you didn't want to see these things?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I don't want to see them.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21You really should stop leading people on, all right?
0:02:21 > 0:02:26Meanwhile, fish 'n' trips, starring a man
0:02:26 > 0:02:28who's mangled his tiny mind
0:02:28 > 0:02:30with drugs and a fishmonger
0:02:30 > 0:02:32in for a sexy treat.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35PACEY RAVE MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:40 > 0:02:45Hey up, mate, just one sec, I can't get me bloody music off, hang on.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47There we go. How you doing?
0:02:47 > 0:02:52- I'm fine, how are you today? - Yeah, I'm all right, I'm after a fish believe it or not,
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- that looks bloody good, don't it, that one, what's that one? - It's called tilapia.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Look at the eyeballs on that, they're like on stalks, aren't they?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01It looks like that fish has been larging it all weekend.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05I could really, really fall in love with that fish.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Hey, come here.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Come here, beautiful.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- Hey, where've you been all me life? - Are you going to buy the fish, man?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15This isn't a fish, it's a mermaid.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Wow, you're beautiful.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Ross, you're making me so wet!
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Come here and kiss me, you skinny little monkey.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Ugh!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Make love to me right here, right now.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Bloody hell, where do I put it?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Oh, Oh!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Oh, Ross,
0:04:03 > 0:04:05you're the best lover I've ever had.
0:04:05 > 0:04:10Yeah, I've never made love to a half-woman half-fish...
0:04:10 > 0:04:13fish...fish...
0:04:13 > 0:04:20Whoa-ho-ho! Flashback! There, all right.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Cheers. Whoo...
0:04:25 > 0:04:30PACEY RAVE MUSIC
0:04:33 > 0:04:35..featuring a hopeless romantic,
0:04:35 > 0:04:38an entire restaurant wise to the wind-up
0:04:38 > 0:04:40and the luscious
0:04:40 > 0:04:43but unenlightened Lakeisha.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Lakeisha has been set up on a blind date from hell
0:04:46 > 0:04:47by one of her friends.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Your accent.- Yes. - I love your accent.- Thank you.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54- Where are you from?- Texas.
0:04:54 > 0:05:00What she doesn't know is she's having dinner with the most allergic man on the planet.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03How would you say it sort of compared
0:05:03 > 0:05:07working in Dallas compared to working back over here?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Um...
0:05:13 > 0:05:16So why have you put foil on your glass?
0:05:16 > 0:05:20It's like dust, you see, if I was to put... If dust gets in the drink.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Do you take any tablets or anything?
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Oh, you wouldn't believe, you pick me up and shake me, I'd rattle.
0:05:26 > 0:05:33- I've got so many inside me, I can't actually see at the moment. - Oh, my God.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Do you mind if I ask if you're wearing any perfume at all?
0:05:38 > 0:05:42I am wearing perfume, is that it? I'm so sorry.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Don't apologise, you smell absolutely gorgeous,
0:05:46 > 0:05:49but to me it's literally like someone's sat here
0:05:49 > 0:05:53- just squirting sulphuric acid into my eyes.- I'm sorry.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58- Um, could you do me a favour and just sort of wipe your perfume?- Sure.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- I'll just pop to the loo.- OK, that's fine, there we go.- Thank you.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07- Thanks very much, thanks very much, I'll see you in one second. - All right.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- Are you doing well?- Mmm.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15My tongue, my tongue...
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Your tongue is swollen?
0:06:16 > 0:06:23- A bit.- Should I go? I'm so sorry. - No, no.- I'm so sorry.- No!
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Does it look OK?
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Oh, my gosh, it's still swollen.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- HE MUMBLES - Yeah...
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Mm-hm.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Sorry? A...?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- Do you have a fan? A fan?- Yes,
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- Yeah, I think so. I'll go and check.- OK.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- Hope that's OK for you.- Sorry.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Squirt it? Like that?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Is that good?- Mmm.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18All right? Got it?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Aha.- OK.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34How can I say no to that face?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43..introducing some Sopranos wannabes.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46And a man with a big cake to deliver.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Some Sicilian silly bugger has ordered a homecoming cake,
0:08:50 > 0:08:55but the way this family operates means they don't pay for things.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Hiya, delivery for Ross Corleone, yeah?
0:08:58 > 0:09:02- ITALIAN ACCENT: Hey, what have we got here? Yeah, that's nice.- You like it?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Welcome home, Granddad, he going to go crazy.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07There you go.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- OK, what's the damage?- 65.
0:09:10 > 0:09:1365? Let me get it, two minutes.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15OK, yeah.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Hey, ciao! De scrachia?
0:09:25 > 0:09:26De Rosco?
0:09:26 > 0:09:33- Oh, yeah.- Rosco! Your money-o dispacio, scrachi?
0:09:35 > 0:09:42- No, sorry, I don't understand what you're saying.- You, stay.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44- Mm-hmm.- For two momento.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Would you be able to give them a call and see if we can take the payment over a card
0:09:55 > 0:09:59because he's speaking in Italian and I can't understand.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- Hiya.- You look like you're hungry. - No, I'm fine.
0:10:05 > 0:10:11- I make some pizza, I fill your belly.- No, no, my belly is fine. - Yeah?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14You like-a the pepperoni, yeah?
0:10:14 > 0:10:19- No, I'm absolutely fine. I need to collect £65 for the cake.- OK.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I'm going to talk to the Don and then I'll get you the green.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- Thank you very much.- OK. - No problem.- OK, OK...
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- HE GRUNTS - Hiya.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Are you able to pay for the cake?
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Hey, you come to my house,
0:10:42 > 0:10:45asking me for the money?
0:10:45 > 0:10:50When I give you the money, what you going to do for me?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53I've already done what I'm supposed to do - give you a cake.
0:10:53 > 0:10:58You want-a money or you want me to do you a favour, Cakes? I'll call you Cakes.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00That's fine, you can call me Cakes.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01I can do a lot for you, Cakes.
0:11:01 > 0:11:07- I'm sure you could but my job is just to take the money and deliver the cakes.- I like you, Cakes.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- That's good to know.- Hey, Cakes. - I'm good here, sir.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14You're good here, I'm good there. OK, Cakes, I'll see you.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29..introducing a man with a vintage libido,
0:11:29 > 0:11:32our game-for-a-laugh granny
0:11:32 > 0:11:34and a pharmacist under fire.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42I'm looking for some supplements for, er, a friend of mine, she's not as supple as she used to be so...
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I need to know a lot of other things.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47- Right.- Age.
0:11:47 > 0:11:4970 to 90.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51You could try vitamins.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55A multivitamin might help my friend get the legs behind the head.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- No.- No, no.- At that age, no.- No.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04And do you have anything for, say, if a lady had a particular problem
0:12:04 > 0:12:10- with, er, feminine dryness in a particular area, have you got something for that?- Yes.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12# Baby let me love you now... #
0:12:14 > 0:12:18- So as soon as you whack this on, whoosh, you're away, yeah?- No.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- No.- It takes time.- It takes time.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22And do you have, um...?
0:12:22 > 0:12:23EXHALES
0:12:23 > 0:12:27# ..Honey got a booty like pow pow pow... #
0:12:29 > 0:12:31This is...
0:12:31 > 0:12:33# ..Wow oh wow... #
0:12:33 > 0:12:36- Sorry, could you just excuse me just for one second?- Sure.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39There's just something I HAVE to do.
0:12:43 > 0:12:50# Loving you is easy cos you're beautiful
0:12:50 > 0:12:54# Making love with you
0:12:54 > 0:13:00# Is all I wanna do doo doo doo doo doo do... #
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Come on, sir. Sir!
0:13:04 > 0:13:11- Oh!- Now that is a 1932 vintage, if I'm not mistaken, mm.
0:13:11 > 0:13:16- Hoo!- I only came in for a pack of rubbers.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25..starring a persistently-sitting tenant,
0:13:25 > 0:13:27a policeman on our payroll
0:13:27 > 0:13:31and a mortified motorist.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Hello there, sir.
0:13:33 > 0:13:38- Hiya.- My name's Police Constable Brown, we're doing some spot checks in the area.- OK.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42- There's been some burglaries, I don't know whether...- I'm not from around here.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45If you'd like to open your boot, please, sir.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Whoa!
0:13:51 > 0:13:55Excuse me, sir, what's this? Could you come over here for me?
0:13:55 > 0:13:56How did you get in my car?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Excuse me, do you know this gentlemen, sir?
0:13:58 > 0:13:59No, I fucking don't.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03OK, careful with the language, sir. Just come and stand over here.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05What are you doing in this man's car, sir?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- Well, I live here. - You live in this car, sir?
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Yes, actually I think, when did I...?
0:14:10 > 0:14:14- Do you know this gentleman, sir? - No, sir.- Is this a joke? - I've been here for about three weeks.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15I'm actually shaking.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Why is this man in the boot of your car?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19I don't know, sir, that's what I'm trying to say.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23- I live here.- Excuse me, sir, I'm going to ask you again,
0:14:23 > 0:14:25why is a man living in the boot of your car?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29- I don't know, sir.- Right, I'll have your name please, sir.- My name?
0:14:29 > 0:14:33- What is your name?- Mine?- Yes, sir? - Peter Michaels, nice to see you.
0:14:33 > 0:14:39Mr Michaels, I won't be shaking your hand, sir. How did you get into the boot of this car, sir?
0:14:39 > 0:14:44- Well, I have my own keys, obviously. - Have you given this man a set of keys?- No, I haven't.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- Here.- Have you given this man a set of keys?- No.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- Well, where did you get the keys, sir?- From the estate agent.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Which estate agent is this. sir? - Just round the corner.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Would you stand here? Thank you, next to me, please, sir.
0:14:56 > 0:15:02Sierra Alpha 213, Sierra Alpha 414, possible kidnap situation going on here.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Right, you're either sub-letting the back of this vehicle for a habitat
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- or you know this gentlemen, which is it going to be?- No, neither.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14I don't know who he is and he's pouring water in my car.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19- Er, no, I live here.- Right, sir, I am arresting you for carrying an unsafe and dangerous load.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23Excuse me, if you're all done here, could you close the front door, please?
0:15:28 > 0:15:29..starring a prog-rock relic
0:15:29 > 0:15:31on a shopping spree
0:15:31 > 0:15:33and a man that sells things.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39This funky-haired fool is looking for a new vacuum cleaner
0:15:39 > 0:15:43and, like any normal person, wishes to try it before he buys it.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- I'm looking for a vacuum cleaner, er, what've you got?- There, basically.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- OK, can I have a look at this? - Yeah.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Don't you find the most satisfying thing about a vacuum cleaner
0:15:57 > 0:15:59is watching the cable go whizzing in?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- Yes.- OK, right, here we go, three, two, one...
0:16:05 > 0:16:07That's pretty bloody good, in't it?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Can you just put that back in for me, please?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Yeah, it's very powerful.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Oops! I just sucked your pen up.
0:16:17 > 0:16:23- If it can take a pen, let's have a look at this.- Hold up, hold up, hold up.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27There you are...
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Right, come and have a look at this.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- What the fuck?- This is what killed me last vacuum cleaner,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44let's just see if this beauty
0:16:44 > 0:16:48can withstand the power of the wriggling babies...
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Wouldn't you like to be one of these little blighters now?
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Whizzing up this tube, woo, at 300mph!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Eh, look at that! It's amazing, isn't it?
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Oh, right, well, I tell you what, mate,
0:17:11 > 0:17:15I've, er, tried it and I ain't going to buy it.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20You've probably got about three weeks till they hatch.
0:17:27 > 0:17:32Introducing a celebrity agent provocateur
0:17:32 > 0:17:34and a talented young star.
0:17:38 > 0:17:44Well, David look let's cut straight to the chase, do you want to be a celebrity?
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- Yes.- You do. Do you want magazines?- Yes.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- You want photographers outside your house?- Yes.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- You want to be talked about? - Yes.- Yes.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57So what I'm going to do is throw a few scenarios at you and just see
0:17:57 > 0:17:59how you would cope with these, right?
0:17:59 > 0:18:03I've taken you out to a nice, swanky, posh club for something to eat
0:18:03 > 0:18:05and look, behind, over there, see who it is,
0:18:05 > 0:18:09Mr Big Fat Cigar, right, he's looking for a muscular pop star.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11I don't see any muscles around here, do you?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18There you go, right, you've caught his eye now,
0:18:18 > 0:18:20that's a good thing.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Now, you need to start singing, don't ya?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25I'm going to give you something to sing about. Here, Post-it notes.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27# You have a girl What is her name?
0:18:27 > 0:18:31# Write her name on here and stick it on her left tit
0:18:31 > 0:18:34# You have her name on her left tit while you're sucking it
0:18:34 > 0:18:38# You see what her name is You date her sister
0:18:38 > 0:18:41# You stick it on the right one Anything you want to know
0:18:41 > 0:18:44# You write it on the Post-it
0:18:44 > 0:18:46# Your father What is his mistress's name?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- # Stick it there... # - Dancing, dancing.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51# I have a Post-it for your girlfriend
0:18:51 > 0:18:56# Where does she want it? Take it anywhere she wants it
0:18:56 > 0:19:02# Dance, skip, do a spin, Where do you want your Post-it? #
0:19:02 > 0:19:05I've had about six people in here today,
0:19:05 > 0:19:07you've just blown my right sock off.
0:19:07 > 0:19:08DAVID LAUGHS
0:19:08 > 0:19:11David, you got any addictions?
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Er, smoking and gym.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14To get people on this conveyor belt
0:19:14 > 0:19:16and turn them into celebrities,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18addictions are actually, well, useful.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21I have a few of these lying around David,
0:19:21 > 0:19:24because I get the sniffles when it's wintertime.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28With these inhalers, I want you to try and hide your inhaler habit
0:19:28 > 0:19:31and I'm going to be a reporter for a magazine.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36David, you've just come out of the jungle, what were that like?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38There's bits and pieces I'm not proud of
0:19:38 > 0:19:42and you know I've got a girlfriend. Do you want some?
0:19:42 > 0:19:43How many do you get through a day? Go on?
0:19:43 > 0:19:47I wouldn't say it's a problem, but if you take...
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Leave them up there, let me have a look at you,
0:19:49 > 0:19:52someone's getting a shot of you now with a camera. That's it.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Right, this is what it's all about, David,
0:19:54 > 0:19:59this is running the extra mile, this is pushing the extra brick.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Right, you see that door there?
0:20:01 > 0:20:05I want you to go out that door, you're not going into a corridor but into a closet,
0:20:05 > 0:20:09and then you're going to come back into my office and you're coming out of the closet
0:20:09 > 0:20:12and you're into this office to come out of the closet, yeah?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15DOOR CLOSES
0:20:15 > 0:20:16KNOCKING AT DOOR
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Come in.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- So I've been hiding it for long enough.- What?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Um, that I like dick. I was with my girlfriend last night
0:20:27 > 0:20:32and it wasn't cutting it, all I could think about was a nice, juicy cock.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Right, well, I don't usually mince my words.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37I've thought about it, I think me and you should work together.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42- Do you want me to represent you?- Yes. - Great, fantastic.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48Starring a sweet little old lady,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51a ball bag
0:20:51 > 0:20:54and a very helpful young man.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Oh, thank you. I'm already half an hour late to get to bingo
0:21:00 > 0:21:02at the community centre.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04There we go.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Oh! Oh! Oh, dear.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Oh, no!
0:21:09 > 0:21:13MUSIC: "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Oh, they are everywhere! They're absolutely everywhere!
0:21:16 > 0:21:19If I hold the bag, could you...? Oh, thank you.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24They're absolutely everywhere, absolutely everywhere, oh!
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Oh, thank you very much.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32I need to give you something, cos you've been so helpful.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33Let me just...
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Oh, no, it's happened again!
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Oh, golly, I can't believe I've done that.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51There we are, if you can get them again, that would be lovely.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53- Yeah.- Thank you very much. - Oh, my God.
0:21:53 > 0:21:59You tell me the number. Oh, a sticky eyeball, 18. Legs 11 there. Legs 11.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Mickey Mouse, number 12.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- Oh, thank you.- Hold them tight.
0:22:05 > 0:22:10Could you just grab that for me? I've just dropped them. Can you get that for me? Thank you.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Oh, no they've gone everywhere, they've gone absolutely everywhere.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Pisspops, presenting a local man
0:22:24 > 0:22:25with an unusual sideline
0:22:25 > 0:22:27in frozen goods
0:22:27 > 0:22:31and an innocent handyman who's just here to fix the ceiling.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38HE WHISTLES, DOORBELL RINGS
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Hiya, my name's Bill, I'm your handyman.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Ah, hey up, mate, how are you?
0:22:43 > 0:22:51This is the job in hand. Two little holes here just need filling and if you can paint it, would be perfect.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55- Right.- Just going to nip to the little man's room just to spend a penny.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59LOUD URINATION
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Phew, that's a strong one, isn't it?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Whoa, lovely.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17Let's get these little puppies in the freezer,
0:23:17 > 0:23:21get them getting nice and hard, solidifying.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23So is that like a sideline that you do?
0:23:23 > 0:23:28Exactly that, yeah. The kids go absolutely mad for them.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31We've all got what it takes to be able to produce these things,
0:23:31 > 0:23:33it's just a matter of putting your mind to it.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36I'm being ever so rude here. Would you like one?
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- I'll try it. - Yeah, go on, there you go.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- What's in that?- It's a pisspop.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48A pisspop?
0:23:50 > 0:23:54No?! Is that why you keep going to the toilet?
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Is that what you make it from?
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- Special recipe.- Bloody hell!
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Mate, do you want me to tell you all about pisspops?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06No, you carry on, it's all right.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Come on, that's it.
0:24:12 > 0:24:17I've got something to show you and I've got something to tell ya,
0:24:17 > 0:24:21because I am only going to say this the once.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28# Pisspops, pisspops
0:24:28 > 0:24:32# Frozen golden wonder flowing over your chops
0:24:32 > 0:24:36# Lapping up the lovely as your temperature drops
0:24:36 > 0:24:40# Pisspops, pisspops
0:24:42 > 0:24:46# You want refreshment in the stifling heat
0:24:46 > 0:24:50# Your tongues are reachin' out for my frozen treat
0:24:50 > 0:24:54# So icy hard it never slips when it drips
0:24:54 > 0:24:57# Our teeth are gleaming as it tingles our lips
0:24:57 > 0:25:02- ALL:- # Pisspops, pisspops
0:25:02 > 0:25:05# Frozen golden wonder flowing over your chops
0:25:05 > 0:25:09# Lapping up the lovely as your temperature drops
0:25:09 > 0:25:13# Pisspops, pisspops
0:25:16 > 0:25:23# There was a sad, sad time when I was down and out
0:25:23 > 0:25:32- # I'd spent my every penny I was in a drought.- Aw!
0:25:32 > 0:25:40# My well had run so dry and all the kids were sad
0:25:40 > 0:25:48# Not one last pisspop at the bottom of my nads
0:25:48 > 0:25:53# How did I escape those dire straits?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56# What did you do?
0:25:56 > 0:26:04# I had a few more pints and I opened up the gates
0:26:04 > 0:26:07# Pisspops, pisspops
0:26:07 > 0:26:11# You're in for a Sugar Puffy pot pourri
0:26:11 > 0:26:15# Plenty here for you and me when we wee-wee-wee
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# Pisspops, pisspops
0:26:18 > 0:26:19# Those pisspops, how we love them
0:26:19 > 0:26:21# Pisspops, pisspops
0:26:24 > 0:26:29# Pisspops, pisspops. #
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- ALL:- Ewww!
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Thank you and good night.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41- You're on a hidden camera show on BBC Three.- Eh?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Round of applause!
0:26:43 > 0:26:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:44 > 0:26:47You're on a new BBC Three hidden camera show.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50CHEERING
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Round of applause!
0:27:11 > 0:27:15Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:15 > 0:27:18E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk