0:00:37 > 0:00:43This programme contains some strong language
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Welcome to Inside The Story.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50I'm Dale Maily, fearless, hetero journalist who's not afraid
0:00:50 > 0:00:52to be unafraid.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56I deliver fair, impartial news as it happens, wherever it happens,
0:00:56 > 0:00:59telling you the right way to think.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Hello, I'm Dale Maily
0:01:02 > 0:01:05and today I'm getting inside the story of drug festival.
0:01:05 > 0:01:10It seems that there's a UK festival every weekend over the summer.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13But whilst these festivals appear to be nothing more than a few
0:01:13 > 0:01:17crusty hippies hugging trees, there's a much darker undercurrent
0:01:17 > 0:01:22that pervades them - mindless, senseless, anarchic drug abuse.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23If you just come with me now,
0:01:23 > 0:01:26what you can see is a lot of actual raging hippies.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29People in a strange state of hypnosis,
0:01:29 > 0:01:31probably because of all the drugs.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34As you can see it's crazed, dancing everywhere.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Maybe if these people weren't on drugs they'd actually be
0:01:36 > 0:01:40listening to some good music with lyrics, like Coldplay.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42They're clapping now
0:01:42 > 0:01:45and I think a sacrifice might be taking place soon.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47A man in a dress. Strange people in there.
0:01:47 > 0:01:53Absolutely really decimated my eardrum there. Oh, again the bass.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55There's that music again. Just a beat with no lyrics.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I believe probably if you played it backward,
0:01:58 > 0:02:00something demonic would come out.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03That may actually well be made completely of solid cocaine.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Just for the sake of the news, oh, my God,
0:02:05 > 0:02:08it just looks like a squalid shit pit in here.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- Have you been taking heroin? - Not heroin. Lego doesn't do heroin.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12You better not.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Do you want to know who my heroine is? Baroness Thatcher.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Are you too middleclass to be affected by drugs, or...?- No.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20- Are you ashamed of your own behaviour?- I'm a fox.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Do you think that these kind of drug festivals should be outlawed?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Definitely not.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27You're not a fox, you're a man dressed as a fox.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- Why not? - Because they're fucking wicked.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33There's a lot of research to suggest that when you take drugs,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36it's a gateway drug to playing acoustic guitar
0:02:36 > 0:02:38and believing in 9/11 conspiracies.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- I bloody love 9/11 conspiracies. - Cos you're a drug-taking hippy.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44You're northern which is probably why you're such a drug-addled mess.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47That's brilliant. I'm going to knock you out in a minute.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49This is a serious thing. Don't touch my mic.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51You're a human being.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Coming up on Inside The Story, more drug carnage,
0:02:56 > 0:02:58I wreck a couple of hippies' brains
0:02:58 > 0:03:03and tell people in weird animal costumes that they look like idiots.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06The National Gallery in London's Trafalgar Square is home
0:03:06 > 0:03:08to some of the world's greatest paintings.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10from Turner to Van Gough,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13if you like art you'll love the National Gallery.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16You'll also love the National Gallery if you like missiles,
0:03:16 > 0:03:19torpedoes, naval artillery and armoured vehicles.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Because one of the gallery's little-known sponsors
0:03:21 > 0:03:24is Italian arms manufacturer Finmeccanica.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Finmeccanica are part of Europe's biggest missile maker
0:03:28 > 0:03:32and were reportedly once part-owned by non other than Colonel Gaddafi.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35So we've got a classic Constable painting here.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37It's a beautiful landscape
0:03:37 > 0:03:40except it's got a couple of fuck-off missiles slapped in the middle.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41We'll sneak into the National Gallery
0:03:41 > 0:03:44and see if we can stick it on the wall.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38The point when you were convinced that it was...
0:04:38 > 0:04:40that you were saying that it was confined to Goodman and co,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42you were absolutely convinced that that was the truth?
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- Myself?- Yes.- Yes.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48These are very serious matters that we take very,
0:04:48 > 0:04:52very seriously at a global level, at a personal level as well.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55I can look at these newsrooms and how they operate today
0:04:55 > 0:04:57and I'm, you know, I'm very confident
0:04:57 > 0:05:02we are very focused on the highest standards of ethics.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04The highest standards of just kind of common sense
0:05:04 > 0:05:07and good behaviour, and actually treating our people,
0:05:07 > 0:05:11the subjects, as well as our readers with, you know, with respect.
0:05:11 > 0:05:16This practice was certainly enough to breach the trust
0:05:16 > 0:05:21of our readers, and at that point you have to take responsibility
0:05:21 > 0:05:24and actually move the thing forward and that's what we're doing today.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26And it's a matter of great regret.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31A fool and his money are easily parted.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32and in a double-dip recession,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35loan companies and their stacks of wonga are, too.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38The difference is the incredible APR they charge,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41which sometimes leave the borrower paying annual interest rates
0:05:41 > 0:05:45of over 4,000%, with bonus debt collection thrown in for free.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48All money lending companies require loan applicants to meet
0:05:48 > 0:05:51a minimum set of criteria, which surely means the vulnerable
0:05:51 > 0:05:54and ill-informed will be turned away immediately.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01"Get cash your way.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07"Borrow £50 to £500, for 5 to 60 days."
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Can I borrow some money? How much can I borrow?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- What's the most I can borrow? - £400.- 350.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- We can lend up to £5,000. - Oh, great.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Can I have it in like coins instead of paper money
0:06:20 > 0:06:22cos I know that's worth more, I'm switched on.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- 20 pound coins is the same as a £20 note.- No, it's not.- Yeah, it is.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28No. It's more money if it's heavier.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29I didn't get my GCSE maths
0:06:29 > 0:06:32so I just want to make sure like I understand what it's about.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36So is 219.1% APR, is that a good deal?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40You don't know?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Is that a good deal?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- It is a good deal. - I would say so, yeah.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52What if I don't pay you back, though?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- The collectors will be contacting you.- Who are the collectors?
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Debt collectors.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59And those debt collectors, they can do whatever they want, can they?
0:06:59 > 0:07:00I don't know what they do.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04I've got, like, some debts to pay to a drug dealer friend of mine.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07So if I just give you a bit, I can't just pay you back in weed?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- No.- Definitely not?- No.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- I was in Gamblers Anonymous. - Mm-hmm.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13And then, so I need the money really
0:07:13 > 0:07:16to pay back some gambling debts and some drug debts,
0:07:16 > 0:07:18but is that all right, cos I might just gamble it away, like?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Is that all right with you?
0:07:20 > 0:07:21As long as we get paid back,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23we don't care what you do with the money.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27Does it matter that I was in a mental hospital?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29And if my councillor came and my probation officer
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- was talking about my criminal record, that's not a problem?- No.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35As long as I meet the requirements on the thing,
0:07:35 > 0:07:38then it's no problem that I'm a drug dealer, or a gambler or nothing?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40I don't want to know.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42I'll have £300, then, please.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44I need your wage slip, bank statement, passport,
0:07:44 > 0:07:45driving licence and proof of address.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48So how does it work, how do I make an appointment?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- I can do that for you right now. - When would I see someone?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Oh, you can see someone tomorrow if you like.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07I've been here for a number of hours now and the situation is much,
0:08:07 > 0:08:09much worse than we initially thought.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13There are drugs everywhere. People are "off their face", as they say.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15And for a number of hours I've wanted to leave,
0:08:15 > 0:08:18but my producer says we have to stay and get involved.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Frankly, if you're British, have any respect and love Princess Diana,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25you would never ever come to anything like this.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Excuse me, could you just put your clothes on? Have some self-respect.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31I'm walking through what I can only describe
0:08:31 > 0:08:33as a self-inflicted shanty town.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Could you not afford a hotel room, or...?
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- Why would we stay in a hotel? - Because it's clean.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40How long have you been unemployed?
0:08:42 > 0:08:43No answer.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47I'm being attacked by a load of trumpet-blowing foxes
0:08:47 > 0:08:50with drums, and they're mounting me!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53If this is the last thing you ever see of Dale Maily
0:08:53 > 0:08:56tell my mum that I'm fine.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58We're going to find out what's going on here.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Rave music in my ears again.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02It's certainly not Celine Dion or Michael Bolton.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04We're going to go and see what's going on in here.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08As you can see they're all demonically connected
0:09:08 > 0:09:10to their master up there on a computer.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Hippies, hippies everywhere.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Hippies with hats, strange dancing.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Devil chanting I've never seen before.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Do you have any M People?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Trying to find the exit as quickly as I can.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22There's a dead man! A dead human being.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Just got to get out of here.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Where's the fucking exit?!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30"Every Little Helps," or, in the case of Tesco,
0:09:30 > 0:09:34massive dominance helps a lot, because Tesco rule the high street.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37£1 in every tenner goes through their tills,
0:09:37 > 0:09:41and certain town councils have even stepped in to try to stop them opening even more branches
0:09:41 > 0:09:46to protect local businesses and prevent us from truly becoming a Tesco nation.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Right.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Great, yeah, excellent.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01That looks really nice like that.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02That's nice, yeah.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Excellent, that looks nice. I like that.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- Right.- Yeah.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Oh, hi, Heydon from Head Office, Tesco.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35We're just, er...showing people the new , er...
0:10:35 > 0:10:36the new branding we're rolling out.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Yeah, someone'll be in touch from Head Office.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40It'll stay like that for a few days, yeah.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42All right. Thanks.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47In certain parts of the world, homosexuality is illegal,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50and can even be punishable by death.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Luckily in the UK, we're a little more open-minded.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57But if a gay couple take a holiday to Uganda, Ghana or Iran,
0:10:57 > 0:11:00they'd still be open to prosecution or worse.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09I'm Raffe van der Koont and welcome to my show,
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Filth, on Double Fist TV.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Last night was the most sexy, most totally radical prolapse
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I've ever had in my life, cos I fell in love with Ralph.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20- Say hello, Ralph.- Hi.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21And we're going to go and find out
0:11:21 > 0:11:24where to go on the most sexiest gay honeymoon in the world.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Come with us and find out where we go.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30OK, you can pull out now.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31No, Ralph, not you.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Errr..!
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Ah! Sexy honeymoon.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40We got married last night. We stayed up all night, fell in love.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Ralph, you're just such a naughty boy.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44I felt something inside me I've never felt before.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Radical prolapse, you naughty boy, we go there.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Why will they finish me?
0:11:51 > 0:11:52They'll finish us off?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Radical prolapse, what do you mean? Let's not be silly.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Mate, they'll finish us off.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Is this the best place to come for the honeymoon to Saudi Arabia?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05We heard that Saudi Arabia was the best place to get oiled up.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- Is that true?- Excuse me.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Are there some good gay clubs in Saudi Arabia?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Holiday, ooooh!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16It's not allowed in Tunisia.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- And do we need jabs in the bottom to go there?- No, sorry.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Oh...eeee...aahh!
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Hi, this is the famous Raffe van der Koont from Double Fist TV.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I was wondering if two sexy boys from this country
0:12:27 > 0:12:30could go and have a nice honeymoon in Iran?
0:12:34 > 0:12:35- Ohh...- Ahh... Sexy!
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Where do we get visas for our honeymoon?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- Yeah.- We're going on honeymoon.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- Honeymoon?- Yes. We just got married.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43LAUGHTER
0:12:43 > 0:12:44This is my husband.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- No, no, no.- It's OK for us to go?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- Why not?- Why not?
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Ah, so we went to a lot of embassies,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55but for some reason, we can't seem to get a visa.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57So I've decided to take my new man-bride
0:12:57 > 0:12:59back to my private dungeon in Amsterdam.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- This has been Raffe van der Koont and Ralph Billington-Smyth...- Hi.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04..for Double Fist TV.
0:13:04 > 0:13:11Yeaaaaaaaaaah.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Sexy!
0:13:13 > 0:13:17So we're just round the corner from Nick Clegg's house,
0:13:17 > 0:13:18and there's a policeman on the door.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22So we've come up with a cunning plan to get our researcher
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Tom / driver Tom to distract him by walking up the other street,
0:13:25 > 0:13:26and getting him to face the other way
0:13:26 > 0:13:28while we put a plaque on his house.
0:13:38 > 0:13:43So this is a plaque for Nick Clegg, services to the Tory party.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45There's a policeman right round the corner,
0:13:45 > 0:13:48but we've managed to honour him, nonetheless.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51So in an attempt to fit in with the hippy washers,
0:13:51 > 0:13:53I decided to dress like one of them.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56So I got myself a helmet and a yoghurt-weaving top,
0:13:56 > 0:14:00and since then, no-one has a clue I'm a journalist.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Mugging everyone off...
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Actually, my life's great. I'll be in church tomorrow.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08So as you can see, men and women still awake at, er...11 o'clock,
0:14:08 > 0:14:12I mean clearly none of them have got work in the morning.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14And this is the, er...the DJ.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Will you be playing any Lighthouse Family later?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Could you play some Michael Bolton for us?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Why don't you fuck off, bro?
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Cool!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- We're going to go down the rabbit hole.- We're going down the hole.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Going to go down the hole. Going inside the hole.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33We're going into a hole.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35We're going into some sort of rabbit hole here.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Rabbit, where are you?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40I don't want to get my nice trousers dirty.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44The white rabbit's still there, and we're going through into...
0:14:44 > 0:14:46I don't know what this is.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Oh, my goodness. We're in a...
0:14:49 > 0:14:51some sort of drug party.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I've just seen the rabbit, actually, get a huge cock out.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58The rabbit and me are together again. How are you feeling, rabbit?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I am loving it!
0:15:00 > 0:15:04Oh...I'm a tranced-out hippy.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08No, I'm not, I'm Dale Maily, and in tonight's shocking expose,
0:15:08 > 0:15:13I've proved that it's not big or clever to stay up late taking drugs.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20In 2010, the British public was treated
0:15:20 > 0:15:22to its first coalition government
0:15:22 > 0:15:24since the end of the Second World War.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27An unequal coming together of David Cameron's Conservative Party,
0:15:27 > 0:15:29who have pretty much most of the power,
0:15:29 > 0:15:31and that other party with Nick Clegg.
0:15:31 > 0:15:37It can be a historic and seismic shift in our political landscape.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41In this series, we follow two of the coalition's lesser-known MPs,
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Conservative, James Twottington-Burbage,
0:15:43 > 0:15:45and Liberal Democrat, Barnaby Plankton,
0:15:45 > 0:15:49as we try to understand just how this relationship
0:15:49 > 0:15:50could possibly work.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- Come on, James. - What are we doing here?
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- We're in Manchester, James. - More like Kabul.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Actually, no, it's the largest university town in the UK.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- Fucking shithole. - It's not a shithole.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08There are lots of students here,
0:16:08 > 0:16:11and we're here to tell them about the university of life.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Don't care, Barney. Don't care.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Even though students now pay up to £9,000
0:16:15 > 0:16:18of their own money each year to be educated,
0:16:18 > 0:16:19James and Barnaby still see them
0:16:19 > 0:16:22as a financial burden to the Government.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Today, in an attempt to ease the current economic crisis,
0:16:25 > 0:16:29James and Barnaby are on campus to persuade students to get proper jobs.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32- Right, this is a trick that Dave learnt from Obama.- Yeah.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33If you roll up your sleeves,
0:16:33 > 0:16:35you look like you're really getting
0:16:35 > 0:16:36stuck in there,
0:16:36 > 0:16:37and you mean business.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- What are you studying? - Business studies.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- Oh, that's a very good degree. - Very good, yes.- Serious.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44What we're really worried about is a lot of these bi-curious losers
0:16:44 > 0:16:46who do humanities, you see.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I mean, what are they really doing? Just thinking.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51But you see all the time you're spending thinking,
0:16:51 > 0:16:52- you're costing me money.- Yes.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55So we're suggesting, do a woodwork course,
0:16:55 > 0:16:56or go into the university of life.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59When you're a student, I think it might be an idea
0:16:59 > 0:17:01to wear some clothes, to have some self-respect.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Right.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- Hello, would you like some soap? - No, thank you.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Would you like some soap?
0:17:06 > 0:17:09The reality is that there aren't many jobs around
0:17:09 > 0:17:11when people leave uni these days.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14So we're just letting students know that we're running courses
0:17:14 > 0:17:15in rejection, how to take it,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18should you be turned down for a number of jobs after you leave.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20- So would you like to sign up for that?- Yeah.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- I'm sorry, it's full.- Is it?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- Yeah.- I'm afraid you can't. - I can't?- It's full.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27That's your first lesson in rejection.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Hello, mate, would you like some soap?
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Very good, thanks very much.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Just trying to give you a bit of soap for that.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Oh, dear.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Why...are you going to go because you're feeling guilty?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Off to bury your head in weed or something?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Hi, guys. Hiya.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Um... Um... Um... Can I...
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Can I...
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Can I... Can I be your friend?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Can I be your...? Can I be your friend?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- What?- Yeah.- Um, yeah.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10All my friends have got like, you know, like 1,300 friends.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11I've only got 99.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Cause it's cool to have a lot of friends.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Isn't it good to have?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Do you want to maybe look at some photos of like
0:18:21 > 0:18:24me with my mates and maybe you'd, like,
0:18:24 > 0:18:26want to be my friend more?
0:18:26 > 0:18:30If I showed you some pictures of my life, it's really cool.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33You'd be a bit more interested.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Sorry I just poked you.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Can I just poke you?
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Can I just poke you then, or...?
0:18:47 > 0:18:48I can't poke you?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Just, go away?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54This is when, like, all my really cool friends
0:18:54 > 0:18:58threw a party for me and it was really cool and I had a really good time and I looked really good.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02This is, like, me at a cool party with, like, pretty girls looking cool.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05This is my friends, like, playing this really cool game.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07You don't show any of your photos to strangers?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10What's wrong with you?
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Can I poke you?
0:19:17 > 0:19:19The Chancellor of the Exchequer,
0:19:19 > 0:19:22the Right Honourable George Osborne,
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Member of Parliament for Tatton.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27APPLAUSE
0:19:34 > 0:19:38The government has sought to keep the British economy safe from in storm.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Whilst sharpening our competitive edge for the future.
0:19:42 > 0:19:47And I congratulate the City for taking the same approach.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51In the last year, while other financial centres in the west
0:19:51 > 0:19:52have become less competitive,
0:19:52 > 0:19:56London has actually strengthened its position
0:19:56 > 0:19:59as number one in the global index.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03This coalition government acted swiftly on taking office,
0:20:03 > 0:20:09set out a credible and steady plan to reduce our country's record deficit.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11And there is no-one in Britain
0:20:11 > 0:20:14who would like to see stronger growth more than me.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Times may be tough, but for Asian factory workers they're
0:20:18 > 0:20:20even tougher.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22The reported salaries of employers at sweatshops used by H&M is
0:20:22 > 0:20:24£43 a month.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27By Adidas - £39 a month
0:20:27 > 0:20:30And by big payers Apple, £150 per month.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Less than half the price of an iPad.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35But it can't all be good as some of the factories Apple uses are
0:20:35 > 0:20:38decked out with the latest suicide nets for their employees,
0:20:38 > 0:20:42cushioning the blow of gross exploitation.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43We work for You Do It.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Well, we work for You Do It. We're from You Do It.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48How would you guys like to work at Apple?
0:20:48 > 0:20:49At H&M and Adidas.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- Do you like Apple products?- Yes.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- Would you like the chance to work in one of Apple's most important departments?- Yes.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- How would you like to work at H&M? - Yeah.
0:20:57 > 0:21:02It's literally a key part of the profit making mechanism of Adidas.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04It's a chance to go not only to work for Apple
0:21:04 > 0:21:06but also to travel overseas.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to South East Asia?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- No, I haven't. - Do you speak Chinese?- I don't.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12It's a great language.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15There's no words for trade union or health and safety.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16It's not going to be fun.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Not fun, I mean it's hard work, we're not going to lie to you.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21The hours are murder, or suicide depending on your inclination.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Yeah, no I would love to, yes.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Have you ever worked in cramped conditions?
0:21:25 > 0:21:26Um... No.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Do you want to just try something for me?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- Just lean forward like that.- Yeah. - Bend over like you're in a box.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34And then you get your knees down like that, yeah. What do you think?
0:21:34 > 0:21:36It's very good. You need to be more hunched, though.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37Yeah, no more like that.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Could you take that for 13 hours straight?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41No.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- Are you part of any trade unions? - No.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Great, well you're totally eligible to work for us.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49The benefits would be that you'd be a really key part of what
0:21:49 > 0:21:52makes us millions and millions and millions of pounds every year.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54- Yeah.- High fives. You up for that?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- High fives, yes. - Yeah, on the team.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00Whilst on campus, James and Barnaby decide to drum up support for
0:22:00 > 0:22:03the coalition, painting the parties as revolutionary, a quality
0:22:03 > 0:22:07they believe will endear them to the students.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- So basically in these t-shirts, Dave and Nick...- Right.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- We're rebranding them you see... - I see.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14..to students as revolutionary leaders.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- Yes. Well, they are. - Well, cos you lot got them
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- really riled up with this whole tuition-fee bollocks.- Yes, I know.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21What we'd like you to do is stop...
0:22:21 > 0:22:22Yes.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26..messing around smoking ganja, taking heroin, smoking crack...
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Chasing the dragon.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32..chasing the dragon, or whatever it is that you're doing,
0:22:32 > 0:22:34get involved in the Big Society.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Barnaby is trying to explain the complex nature of the Big Society,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40a flagship policy of the coalition.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43And as you can see the arrows move from one circle to the next.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46The first one is the nurturing circle.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47The second one is the investing circle.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Tell me, are there any bars round here where any guys can go
0:22:50 > 0:22:53and pick up some young crumpet and roger them silly?
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Yeah, that's a funny question. I have no idea.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Then comes the inspiring circle, which takes us through phase
0:23:00 > 0:23:03one and then on through the third arrow to the inspiring orb.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07And then you conclude by reaching the energised orb.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Did you pick that up that time?
0:23:17 > 0:23:21I want to nominate a man who is cool on the outside
0:23:21 > 0:23:26but who burns for America on the inside.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30President Obama started with a much weaker economy than I did.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35He has laid the foundations for a new, modern, successful economy.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37A shared prosperity.
0:23:37 > 0:23:43And if you will renew the President's contract, you will feel it.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Whether the American people believe
0:23:46 > 0:23:49what I just said or not may be the whole election.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52I just want you to know that I believe it.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56With all my heart, I believe it.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01I love our country so much.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04And I know we're coming back.
0:24:04 > 0:24:09If that is what you want, if that is what you believe,
0:24:09 > 0:24:15you must vote and you must re-elect President Barack Obama.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17God bless you, and God bless America.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Do you want to comment on it?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Do you want to comment on that?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24- Do you like that?- Yeah, man. - Do you like that?- Yeah.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Do you want to comment on it? Why am I strange?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Why with someone that you don't even know, like, to like your pictures.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Could you poke me back?
0:24:31 > 0:24:35It's just kind of rude if someone pokes you not to poke them back.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Just a little bit.
0:24:42 > 0:24:47Just read this great article.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48- I like your face.- Thank you.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50It's really good, actually.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Can I share that, actually? Do you like that?
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- Do you want to comment?- No.
0:25:07 > 0:25:12Status update: So hot, thinking about having a shandy -
0:25:12 > 0:25:14that's not gay, is it?
0:25:18 > 0:25:19And I thought maybe
0:25:19 > 0:25:22if I was friends with you I could see a couple more
0:25:22 > 0:25:23- of your photos.- What?- What?
0:25:23 > 0:25:25- You're scared?- Yeah.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Status update: some guy's asked me to leave, what a nutter.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- Mental.- Mental.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36After the success of their Che Guevara t-shirts,
0:25:36 > 0:25:40James and Barnaby have decided to offer them to secretary of state
0:25:40 > 0:25:45for universities David Willetts to help win back the student vote.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Come on we'll be late for Willetts' speech.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Oh. Hi.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Hello.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52- Hi, lovely, James.- Hello, hi.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53- Barnaby from the coalition.- Hello.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55We've had a bit of a rebrand.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Obviously we know students hate us, so we're wondering
0:25:57 > 0:26:00if you wouldn't mind wearing this while you're on campus.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02It's David Cameron and Nick Clegg as Che Guevara.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Revolutionary leaders for revolutionary times.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Students love all that bollocks, don't they?