0:00:03 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55?1.60, please. ?2.30. ?2.00, please.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01So you gave me ?5.00, I give you ?2.00 change. Thanks.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05A medium...
0:01:06 > 0:01:08?3.00. ?2.00. That's ?2.00. What's up?
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Yeah. I gave you 12 pence change.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14What's that?
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Well, I'm afraid it's now tied into a debt obligation,
0:01:19 > 0:01:21which is secured against a sub-prime mortgage,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24which has gone bad, so, unfortunately, no.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28I had to use the extra pound for an internal bailout.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29We made a bad debt on some junk bonds.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34The commodity market's all over the place right now.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35The price of coffee's going up and down.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40In the time you gave me the cash and I gave you the change...
0:01:40 > 0:01:41the price fluctuated.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44I'm just a victim of the market, you know, like you.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48So I can pay it off in instalments, maybe, one pence a week.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51There's very little cash reserves and I've lent
0:01:51 > 0:01:53what I was supposed to give to you to another guy,
0:01:53 > 0:01:54so, until it comes back round,
0:01:54 > 0:01:56I can't actually give you the cash back.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59It's not lost. It's still in the system.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03We'll conduct a full internal enquiry. Yeah, promise.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Deputy heads will roll if there's been any underhand behaviour, I assure you.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Welcome to Inside The Story!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I'm Dale Maily,
0:02:16 > 0:02:20fearless hetero journalist who's not afraid to be unafraid!
0:02:20 > 0:02:23I deliver fair, impartial news as it happens, wherever it happens,
0:02:23 > 0:02:27telling you the right way to think!
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Hello, I'm Dale Maily and today I'm getting inside the story
0:02:32 > 0:02:36of my worst nightmare, Gay Pride!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39'If you're homosexual and part of a same-sex couple in the UK,
0:02:39 > 0:02:42'then you can enter into a civil(!) partnership.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44'But give them an inch and they'll take a mile.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48'Now they want the same rights to marriage as us normal people!
0:02:48 > 0:02:51'And, like the Keep Marriage Special campaign said, if we legalise
0:02:51 > 0:02:54'same-sex marriage we might as well legalise incest and polygamy.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59'So I'm down at Gay Pride to find out what all the fuss is about.'
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Well, I've just arrived here, and it's amazing,
0:03:01 > 0:03:05but, as you can see, violent drumming and hammering on things.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08And there's a man in pants, just gold pants.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13Look at that, a pink army advancing on Whitehall!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Revoltingly happy!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18What are you doing at this event? We've come from Buckingham Palace...
0:03:18 > 0:03:21So it is true that you are trying to de-throne the Queen
0:03:21 > 0:03:23and put your own queen on the throne, is that right?
0:03:23 > 0:03:26As you can see, everybody's got our crowns, so we're ready for it.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Gay people everywhere!
0:03:27 > 0:03:30What are you, some kind of gay soldier or...?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32A mirror-ball gladiator.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Careful! Back off! Back off!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36And then what are your demands?
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Our demands are happiness and party all day long.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42You've got to be very careful when surrounded by homosexuals,
0:03:42 > 0:03:44cos they could jump at any point!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46And have you ever thought about not being gay?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I don't know what it would be like.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50I was born this way. I can't change who I am.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Have you thought about being gay one day a week?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I don't know what country is invading us,
0:03:54 > 0:03:56but there are flags everywhere!
0:03:56 > 0:03:59And the Army, thank God you're here to protect us.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Did you just come down now, or...? They're totally terrified.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03The gays have terrified them.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Why are you dressed as dogs? Why are you dressed in a suit?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Well, why have you come dressed as a pussy? Prrr!
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Have you heard that there's now a cure for being gay?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Yeah, I don't think that's right, actually.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Well, if I actually taught you how to throw straight,
0:04:17 > 0:04:20you'd probably never want to kiss another man again.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23It's the Navy, look, the Navy! Ah, the Navy are here.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24How are you doing, sir? Do you feel all right?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Very well, thank you! Are you here to protect us from the gays?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30I'm not protecting you from anybody!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32You're not protecting from anyone? What's the point?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34We might as well cut you altogether.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37The Navy's being cut anyway! Outdated! Outdated!
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Down, boy! Down!
0:04:38 > 0:04:42I've no idea what to say! I'm going to get out of here!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45G4S is the world's largest security company,
0:04:45 > 0:04:48with operations in more than 125 countries,
0:04:48 > 0:04:52but would you want them involved in the privatisation of your police force?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Apart from failing to supply enough security for this summer's Olympics,
0:04:55 > 0:04:58there's also been a campaign accusing their subsidiaries
0:04:58 > 0:05:02of undermining labour and human rights standards, so the residents
0:05:02 > 0:05:04of Lincolnshire must be delighted that G4S have won
0:05:04 > 0:05:07a ?200 million private contract
0:05:07 > 0:05:10to take over half their civilian police services.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Is this the dawn of a new era?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22How's it going? What's up?
0:05:22 > 0:05:24We just wanted to talk to you about the rebrand.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Do you like the new logo, G-Force?
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Were you aware that G4S were taking over large parts of your police force?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Not at clue. Right.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35What about our new slogan, "G4S - the best justice money can buy"?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38We'll be more visible. That's what I want to see.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40We'll have some cardboard policemen around the place,
0:05:40 > 0:05:42which is going to deter criminals.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46We might introduce a bit more crime into the area, though, cos for us...
0:05:46 > 0:05:49we don't really feel that there's the profit margins to made here yet.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52A bit more cool than the usual sort of stuff,
0:05:52 > 0:05:54but we thought that was the best way to go.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57It'll make the police a bit sexier and cooler than usual.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00There's nothing sexy and cool about the police. 'Course there is.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04Deportation has got a fairly good profit margin, but nothing like murder and rape,
0:06:04 > 0:06:06which is what we're moving into in 2012.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09There isn't that much murder and rape around here, is there? We don't want any.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Well, it's a bit selfish of you, isn't it?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15You can't just come into our private car park and put things on our cars.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Sorry, madam, can I, can you, sorry...
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I'm just seizing these for evidence.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21We're sort of rebranding the look of police officers.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24"Police officer" is a bit of an archaic expression.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Something that's a bit more exciting. "Night hawk", maybe?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29This kind of, this kind of look, it looks better.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31How would you feel about...?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33They probably would all wear capes.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Murphy! This is the new sort of G4S team...
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Hello, madam... This madam's taken off...
0:06:38 > 0:06:43There'll be a premium rate number to replace 999.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46It'll probably be a call centre in India, so you'll have to speak up.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49What if you were in a situation where you had no credit whatsoever?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51You should have thought about that before you went and got mugged.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54You're not authorised to turn down the branding, sir.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57We're trying to rebrand the police for G4S.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58I don't believe this one...
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Well, we've got senior branding consultant authority
0:07:01 > 0:07:03in this jurisdiction.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04This is...
0:07:04 > 0:07:06That's against G4S rules, madam.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Do you realise the consequences of doing that?
0:07:10 > 0:07:14If you just come with me now I've finally found some good,
0:07:14 > 0:07:15sane, honest Christians!
0:07:15 > 0:07:20And follow the Saviour! Believe in Christ!
0:07:20 > 0:07:26What you are doing is going against nature itself!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28You are not your own master!
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Let's just be clear about this, equivocally.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Being homosexual is against God? Of course, it is.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Do you believe Satan has actually programmed this bunch
0:07:38 > 0:07:41of absolute lunatics to march towards Buckingham Palace?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Oh, I believe it's satanically...
0:07:43 > 0:07:46It's Satan's work? Yes. Oh, yes.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48It is Satan's work, all of this? Yes.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Isn't this just a stain on our nation, on the Lord Jesus Christ,
0:07:51 > 0:07:56and won't all these lunatic gay nutters burn in hell?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58They will if they don't repent but it's our duty...
0:07:58 > 0:08:01None of them want to repent, they're all being flaming gays!
0:08:01 > 0:08:04They're going to die in Hell and they're going to burn!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06But it's our... They are going to burn, aren't they?
0:08:06 > 0:08:07If they don't repent.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Isn't it true that gayness is just tantamount to drug addiction
0:08:11 > 0:08:12and alcoholism?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Oh, absolutely. Yes.
0:08:14 > 0:08:19I would pass laws, or reinstate the old laws,
0:08:19 > 0:08:20that removed the criminality.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24So being gay should be criminal? Well, I believe it should be.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26What they do at home is their business,
0:08:26 > 0:08:31but when they bring it onto the streets, it becomes a national sin.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Doesn't it? Yeah, but we are all sinners...
0:08:34 > 0:08:37So, in fact, we've just become a bit gay being around them?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40No, we haven't become gay. Haven't you? No.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42So you're not gay? No way.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Could we vaccinate our children to protect them from gayness?
0:08:46 > 0:08:47We can do, yes.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50This is Dale Maily getting inside the story!
0:08:51 > 0:08:55In 2010, the British public was treated to its first coalition
0:08:55 > 0:08:58government since the end of the Second World War - an unequal
0:08:58 > 0:09:01coming together of David Cameron's Conservative Party, who have
0:09:01 > 0:09:05pretty much most of the power, and that other party with Nick Clegg.
0:09:05 > 0:09:11It can be a historic and seismic shift in our political landscape.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15In this series, we follow two of the coalition's lesser-known MPs,
0:09:15 > 0:09:30Conservative, James Twattington-Burbage and Liberal Democrat, Barnaby Plankton,
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Hello. Hello.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45James and Barnaby are on their way to the Royal Free Hospital
0:09:45 > 0:09:48in Northwest London to explain to members of the public the changes
0:09:48 > 0:09:53facing them under the coalition's new Health And Social Care Bill.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57The NHS employs 1.4 million people in England and will be having
0:09:57 > 0:10:00to make ?20 billion's worth of savings by 2015.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03If I gave you a free gift, you'd be a bit suspicious. Yes.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Why do we think that we should just have free healthcare?
0:10:06 > 0:10:09What's their agenda? So it will stay as a hospital, though?
0:10:09 > 0:10:14Well, it'll stay as a private healthcare initiative. What's wrong with that?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17We're working to resolve some of the cost issues by taking
0:10:17 > 0:10:19some of the good bits and selling it off.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23So you'll privatise the Royal Free? We don't like to call it "privatising".
0:10:23 > 0:10:26I love the NHS so much that I want to cut it up into little pieces and give a lot of it to my friends.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Yes, mate.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29..Some of your friends, dear.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32His father's from the private healthcare industry, unfortunately. Oh, OK.
0:10:32 > 0:10:37Yeah, but it's not a private hospital. You're taking the public hospital and privatising bits.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Giving companies the right to make a killing. What's wrong with that?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43What do you think of our slogan, "Are you even ill?"?
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Illness builds character.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46It's with a star, if you don't die.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50What about, "NHS, queuing - a great British tradition"? I like that.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Right, are you a nurse? Yeah.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Oh, right! Sorry about that.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Let me ask you a question.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59If Richard Branson started running this hospital,
0:10:59 > 0:11:02would you feel sexier working in one of his uniforms?
0:11:02 > 0:11:07We're also running courses in patience.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09OK. It's called "patience for patients".
0:11:09 > 0:11:10How are you at queuing? Very good.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Shall we have a little practice now?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Yes. Shall I start? James first.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17This way. Off you go, right.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Nobody talk. No. It's the deficit, you see.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21We had to help our friends in the banks
0:11:21 > 0:11:25and now don't have any blooming money for the old hospital, I'm afraid.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Is that an exclusive? An exclusive?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Is that an exclusive? That's exclusive. Is that an exclusive? Yeah.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35It's all about exclusives, isn't it, on OMG?
0:11:35 > 0:11:39Why can't you just say, "Oh, my God, what the fuck"?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41What's been the highlight of your year?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43DJ on a boat. Lady Gaga. Having fun.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Come to Ibiza. You can all come on the boat. Oh, my God, that's such a good idea.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50But, seriously, what would we do if there was no moon?
0:11:51 > 0:11:54What is the meaning of life?
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Of life?
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Have we got enough time for this, do you think?
0:11:58 > 0:11:59Have we got enough time?
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Do you ever just think, is there another world?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Do we have enough time?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Shell are one of the world's largest oil companies and have produced
0:13:00 > 0:13:04numerous publicity campaigns to show how much they love the environment.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08But when Shell implied their $10 billion oil extraction project
0:13:08 > 0:13:11in Canada was a sustainable energy investment,
0:13:11 > 0:13:14the Advertising Standards Agency recognised this as "greenwash".
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Greenwash is a marketing technique that promotes the image of an
0:13:17 > 0:13:21organisation as environmentally friendly, when they are anything but.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Where do you think, James? Just here would be good. Let's do it now.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Right. This is nice. I think we set up here.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Hello. Hello, there. I'm from Shell PR.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Lovely to meet you. We've bought the hippies.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41This is an official Shell campaign.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43That looks great. That's exactly it.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46And we have to install the protestors in-house, so it seems as if we're on board.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50It's part of the new PR campaign, "If you can't beat them, buy them."
0:13:53 > 0:13:57This plant has actually been sponsored by Shell. OK.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00We recently saved it from extinction. What's that plant called?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03It's a daisy. We actually...
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Right, it's not called that any more, it's just called Shell.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Being green's really about being, you know, very touchy and feely
0:14:09 > 0:14:13and what we like to do is sort of touch a lot of natural areas and feel really good about it.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16We're actually sponsoring protesters all around the world.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20These ones have taken a vow of silence, so they're not going to be much trouble.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22They don't talk, they just sit there.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25We know they smell a bit, but they're totally on trend right now.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27You know how the Shell logo is yellow? Yeah.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30We're going to make it green, like Green Shell... Oh, right, yeah.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33..so that people just think that we're doing something for the environment.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Actually, we're doing nothing at all. No. You're not? No. That's not good, is it?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Our whole business model is actually based around recycling in Shell. I mean... Yes.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44..we're essentially recycling dinosaur bones and putting them into your tank.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47What are you actually doing here? This is part of the Shell Green campaign. Yeah.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Is everyone Tweeting #shellgreen? Shall we just leave these hippies here then? Let's leave them.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54All right, see you, hippies. Look after yourself. See you, hippies.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57And eat mung beans and carrots in a lentil mash. Bye!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03When car company MG Rover collapsed in 2005,
0:15:03 > 0:15:066,500 workers lost their jobs.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10Their redundancy package was a measly ?3 per person.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12This would be enough to drive anyone mad.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14But the real insult came from the guys in the driving seat.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18The Phoenix Four and the MD, the businessmen in charge of the company,
0:15:18 > 0:15:22treated themselves to a ?42 million payout.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Stick that in your tailpipe!
0:15:26 > 0:15:29This is the house of Peter Beale, one of the Phoenix Four.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32I've got this commemorative plaque. It says, "Best Boss Ever".
0:15:32 > 0:15:33I'm going to put it on his wall.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44"Peter Beale, Best Boss Ever."
0:15:47 > 0:15:52With a gap in their day, James and Barnaby have decided to attend the Fabian Society conference in London
0:15:52 > 0:15:55to see if they can get to grips with socialism.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Nice left-leaning literature, James.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02Labour leader Ed Miliband is expected any moment, and James, who is Conservative to his core,
0:16:02 > 0:16:04has been itching to meet him.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Hello. Hi, how are you? I'm good. James. Lovely to see you too.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10How you doing? Good. Good.
0:16:16 > 0:16:21Dave, yeah, yeah, I fucking did it. Yeah, you owe me a fucking tenner!
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Many fee-paying private schools are registered charities,
0:16:26 > 0:16:31but to keep their charitable status they must prove that they benefit children who cannot pay their fees,
0:16:31 > 0:16:34often allowing them to swim in their swimming pools or attend certain classes.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38This then means that these privately funded establishments are entitled
0:16:38 > 0:16:42to tax breaks on top of their fees and donations.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Hello, sir. Would you care for a cucumber sandwich?
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Would you like a cucumber sandwich?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Really it's just important for us to maintain our charity status
0:16:53 > 0:16:55so we have to do good things for poor people.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59So could I teach you some croquet or something? How to talk properly?
0:16:59 > 0:17:05You look quite poor. Would you like some help being less...? Poor? Yeah.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Do you have any money for our school?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09We need to buy new horses for the polo pitch.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Thank you. That'll go a long way for the caviar for the under-eights.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17You're just swinging like that, you see?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Would you like me to teach you some Latin?
0:17:20 > 0:17:23You would be an "oik" in Latin. That means you're poor. Oik?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Yeah, this is you, oik. Yes.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29Visualise success and money. Go.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Oh, that's it! Very good! Oh, very good! Very good!
0:17:32 > 0:17:35I'm not poor, but ?2. And then... Oh, thank you! Wow.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39We're going to re-turf the polo pitch next year.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41You're going to do what? Would you like to donate?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Is it a public school? We need new cashmere ties for the boys.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Yes, it's a boarding school. Definitely not.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Thank you, Ma'am. Then you go like that.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53You talk a bit funny. Where are you from? From Australia.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Oh, dear. Ah, that's a colony, isn't it? Sorry about that. It is.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59We put all our criminals there, didn't we? That's right, yeah. I did history, you see.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02And then you curtsy, and that's good.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Look in the eyes. Yes. And you look at the Queen and you say, "Thank you, Queen."
0:18:15 > 0:18:18It's a great honour to make my first ever speech
0:18:18 > 0:18:21as shadow chancellor to this conference.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23APPLAUSE
0:18:23 > 0:18:27And, conference, I'd also like to pay tribute to our leader,
0:18:27 > 0:18:30to my friend Ed Miliband.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34A leader who is genuine, principled, honest and fair,
0:18:34 > 0:18:37a leader who speaks his mind and tells the truth, a leader in whom
0:18:37 > 0:18:41I believe we can ask the British people to put their trust.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44APPLAUSE
0:18:45 > 0:18:49When they say we made mistakes in Government, they're right.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52We have to admit them and show we've learned.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55The 75p pension rise, that was a mistake.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58So was abolishing the 10p tax rate.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01We should have adopted tougher controls on migration
0:19:01 > 0:19:03from Eastern Europe.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06We didn't spend every pound of public money well.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10And, yes, we didn't regulate the banks toughly enough and stop
0:19:10 > 0:19:13their gross irresponsibility here in Britain and all around the world.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15APPLAUSE
0:19:19 > 0:19:24MPs are paid salaries of ?65,000 per year by the taxpayer,
0:19:24 > 0:19:26and because you pay their wages, they work for you.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30But unlike most employees, MPs can have several other jobs outside
0:19:30 > 0:19:34of Parliament which might at times represent a conflict of interests.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Over the last year, Labour MP David Miliband earned ?75,000
0:19:37 > 0:19:40as Vice Chairman of Sunderland Football Club,
0:19:40 > 0:19:45and Alistair Darling has received over ?50,000 this year for giving four speeches.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Malcolm Rifkind, Conservative MP for Kensington,
0:19:49 > 0:19:53has worked for UBS Bank, Unilever and private equity company Rathbone Brothers,
0:19:53 > 0:19:58earning upwards of ?200,000 from these and other roles since January last year.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01With all this extra work on top of his MP responsibilities,
0:20:01 > 0:20:04he must be in need of some rest and relaxation.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07As a professional life coach, I have to say that there is
0:20:07 > 0:20:08a level of concern that I have for you.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11How many jobs are you juggling at this age?
0:20:11 > 0:20:14When I was a minister, I was working a hell of a lot harder than I'm working now.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18Right. So, Malcolm, if I play you some music, it's exceptionally good for relaxation.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20If we just take a moment to listen to it. Yes.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23So just close your eyes. You want me to close my eyes? Mm.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26ASIAN MEDITATION MUSIC PLAYS
0:20:28 > 0:20:33Sometimes it's good for relaxation to practise visualisation techniques. Mm-hmm.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37So if you visualise yourself in your constituency doing some work.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41The sun's out. Mm-hmm.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45I'll just put out some scented candles here.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48And Downward Dog is always a good one.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Bend from the waist down until you touch the floor.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54This could be very useful if you ever find yourself overworked,
0:20:54 > 0:20:57confused who you're working for when you're voting in parliament,
0:20:57 > 0:20:59this could be a very good way of releasing those pressures.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I've no doubt this is what I would think of doing. Mm. This is a crystal.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06If you close your eyes as I spin this round your head. If I close my eyes, I won't see it.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Right, but you can feel it because it's a healing crystal,
0:21:10 > 0:21:14so it's in tune with your chakras right now. I see.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Malcolm, we have actually brought you a present. Oh, that's very kind!
0:21:17 > 0:21:20This is a bathrobe... Yes, very smart!
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Obviously you like to relax in your constituency. MALCOLM CHUCKLES
0:21:23 > 0:21:28So in case anyone thinks you're not working... That's the nicest thing I've received for a long time.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30These are all the logos of the companies you work for. How splendid!
0:21:30 > 0:21:35Just centred all in one bathrobe. Oh, that's most thoughtful. Mm.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40Perhaps an unfortunate photo opportunity for the Barclays chairman Marcus Agius,
0:21:40 > 0:21:43because for Mr Agius it is now a case of "on your bike".
0:21:43 > 0:21:46He is the fall guy for the scandal that's forced Barclays to pay
0:21:46 > 0:21:50a heavy fine for fixing key banking interest rates.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54A scandal that wiped BILLIONS off the bank's value in hours.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03What are you thinking, would you like it here?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Can you tell me what you're doing, please?
0:22:06 > 0:22:11We've just been hired in to give some entertainment for the afternoon. We've been called by the PR team.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14No, we're not aware. Have you not got the e-mail? No.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I mean, our boss will be here soon, it's just important that we set the casino up,
0:22:17 > 0:22:20because it's also for bankers that have finished on a Friday.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24They might want to come down and place a bet, as it's what they do all day long.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Would you like a free chip, sir? I'm OK, thank you. You sure? Yeah, I'm OK. OK.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31What's going on? Oh, we've installed a casino in the lobby.
0:22:31 > 0:22:37It's the new sort of transparent marketing campaign from Barclays. Cool. It makes sense. Yeah.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40So we're just embracing the fact that it's just a big casino
0:22:40 > 0:22:42and just being honest about it, really.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Place your bets, please, gents.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47I should tell you it's fixed. The house always wins.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51It's exactly what we did with the banking interest rates.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Are we making sure the house is still winning?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Doing pretty good! The house is always going to win, sir.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Hello, sir. Some free chips for you. Excuse me... Would you like chips?
0:22:59 > 0:23:02No, I don't. Can you just move away, please? Sure? Yeah.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05We've got a winning bet. Have we got a winning bet? We have. On black?
0:23:05 > 0:23:09Hang on a second, look, that was actually red. Sorry about that.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Would you like to play? Anyone like to play? You guys work for Barclays?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I do, yeah. So it's a bit like working for Barclays, but it's an actual casino. Yeah.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Lose again. No, I don't think you did, sir.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Red and odd should...
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Well, it was your money but now it's not.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26James and Barnaby have gone to Newcastle
0:23:26 > 0:23:28to explain the NHS reforms.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Actually, it's all right if you're a little sick,
0:23:31 > 0:23:34because it's not that important to be totally healthy. Yeah.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36You work as a nurse? Yeah.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Would you be prepared to take a wage cut?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Maybe a 25% wage cut? Well, ideally not.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47Could you work 25% harder? For 25% less? No.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48Do you have grandparents now? I have.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50How do you feel about them dying at home?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53It's a lot cheaper you see. What! Well, no!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56It must be difficult for you because you're approaching the age
0:23:56 > 0:23:57where you might be a massive burden.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00How does it feel being a massive burden? I beg your pardon!
0:24:00 > 0:24:02When you know that you're ill,
0:24:02 > 0:24:07how would you feel about having to prove it?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Have you heard of the new service we're running, self-diagnosis?
0:24:10 > 0:24:13No, I haven't. It's called Google.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23These days when it comes to talking about
0:24:23 > 0:24:25someone's colour or ethnicity,
0:24:25 > 0:24:27you can't even open your mouth before you're called a racist!
0:24:27 > 0:24:30That's because the loony left have got us all believing
0:24:30 > 0:24:33in this political correctness rubbish!
0:24:33 > 0:24:36But thankfully there are some right-minded people out there
0:24:36 > 0:24:41who realise political correctness has gone barking mad - the BNP!
0:24:43 > 0:24:45I'm going to say something that I know is sailing close to the wind,
0:24:45 > 0:24:47but that's how I cut my jib.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50I like British people more than I like French people.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Does that make me a racist?
0:24:52 > 0:24:55No, it makes you normal. It makes you just like anybody.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57They have silly food and they eat snails.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00If I say I like British people, what's wrong with that? Nothing wrong with that.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Golliwog, is that racist? It depends how you use it.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Term "Golliwog," straightforward, is that racist? I don't think so.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Why's that? Because it's an old English kind of term.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12People associate it with jam and marmalade, I think.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Jam and marmalade? Mmm-hmm. Right, OK.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17If you go out in Birmingham, you'll see many black faces, right?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19And if you said, "Golliwog," what would they say? Laugh at you.
0:25:19 > 0:25:24What does the term "politically correct" mean to you?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Well, to a lot of people it's a throwaway term.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29It's a term that's used so often that it's almost become accepted.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32There's a guilt. There's a PC guilt that's taking over.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Is that the BNP's position?
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Guilt is one of the weapons they use.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Demographically we are out-bred in our own country.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41We're out-bred? Exactly.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43We are out-bred in our own country... That's the truth.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45..by those who don't belong here?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48By many who don't belong here, indeed so.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51There are certain sections in this society, certain sections,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54the Muslim community that have five, six, seven kids. Yeah.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58There is a deliberate policy going on here in the Muslim community
0:25:58 > 0:26:04to use their wombs, right, to replace us deliberately.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Wombs as weapons. Exactly.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12After explaining to members of the public the changes and cuts
0:26:12 > 0:26:14being made to the NHS by the coalition,
0:26:14 > 0:26:17today, James and Barnaby are hoping to get five minutes
0:26:17 > 0:26:20with former Health Secretary Andrew Lansley to congratulate him
0:26:20 > 0:26:24for his brave work in what some see as privatising the NHS.
0:26:24 > 0:26:25So, Barney, look, this is the new NHS.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Yes. Oh, it's lovely, isn't it? It's...
0:26:28 > 0:26:32It's very new, shiny and private.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Big companies benefiting from the Health and Social Care Reform Bill.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Andrew, just wanted to say lovely to see you.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Hi, nice to see you again. How you doing?
0:26:42 > 0:26:43Congratulations on privatising the NHS.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47It was a bloody hard job, but we're all going to make an absolute killing,
0:26:47 > 0:26:52so I just thought we'd give you this golden, diamond-encrusted stethoscope
0:26:52 > 0:26:56just to say thanks so much for everything you've done!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Cheers. Andrew, would you like to take it? No?
0:27:00 > 0:27:05Bye, Andrew. See you at the club. Cheers, mate. Cheers, chap.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07I'll give it to him at the club. He doesn't mind.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10It's actually solid gold actually with diamonds. It's very good.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Well, we're all going to make an absolute killing you see.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd