0:00:17 > 0:00:20APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Hello and welcome to The Sarah Millican Television Programme!
0:00:39 > 0:00:41CHEERING
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Now, I'm sure everyone watching this show has a TV licence
0:00:48 > 0:00:50because you can go to prison if you haven't got one.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53That would be a really rubbish conversation.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56"What are you in for?" "Murder. What about you?"
0:00:56 > 0:00:59"Six episodes of EastEnders.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01"Although that was murder."
0:01:02 > 0:01:06I think you should be able to get points on your TV licence.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10Got up early to watch Jeremy Kyle? Three points.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Accidentally deleted that episode of Bake Off where Paul Hollywood says,
0:01:14 > 0:01:17"Caress the dough with your fingers like a lover"?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Six points!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Top Gear on Series Link?
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Lifetime ban.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:31 > 0:01:35American shows are all the rage on our telly at the moment, aren't they?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Mad Men is a very successful series,
0:01:37 > 0:01:40but weird to watch with an older generation.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Cos I get the impression we're taking different things from it.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I'm thinking, "Isn't it terrible the way they treated women back then?"
0:01:46 > 0:01:48While me Uncle Terry's thinking,
0:01:48 > 0:01:50"Ah, those were the days!"
0:01:53 > 0:01:5524 had the time on the screen.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00The only other place you get that over here is on breakfast telly.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I'd love to see Jack Bauer throwing to the weather!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08We've all learned how to speak American from television, haven't we?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Some of the words are quite confusing, though.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14For example, you might not know that the word "scrumping",
0:02:14 > 0:02:15which to us means stealing apples,
0:02:15 > 0:02:18in America, it means dry humping.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Imagine getting those two mixed up!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28And ending up with loads of apples!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Here are some other ones that I've learned.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36They say sidewalk,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38we say crab.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45You might not know all of these.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46They say eggplant,
0:02:46 > 0:02:48we say chicken.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55They say ice box,
0:02:55 > 0:02:57we say guest bedroom.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10They say gas,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12we say, "Sorry about that."
0:03:15 > 0:03:17They say, "Have a nice day."
0:03:17 > 0:03:19We say, "What are you looking at?"
0:03:22 > 0:03:24They say lady bug,
0:03:24 > 0:03:26we say chlamydia.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40One of my favourite American shows is Friends.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44I've seen the cast more than my actual friends.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47It's still a really funny show but they couldn't make it now.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50It'd just be six people sitting in a coffee shop,
0:03:50 > 0:03:51looking at their phones.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57And I've changed since it started on telly.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Now I look at Monica in her fat suit and think,
0:03:59 > 0:04:00"She looks all right."
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Here are some episodes they never made.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08The One Where Joey's Knob Falls Off.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14The One Where Phoebe Stands Alongside Her Twin.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20And The One Where Gunther Is Arrested For Wanking In The Coffee.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Of course, one of the best shows to come out of America is Homeland.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Essentially, it's a woman trying to work out if a bloke is lying to her.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36I'll save you the trouble, love.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37Probably.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Damien Lewis plays a character who was kept as a hostage in the desert,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45locked up inside for eight years.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Well, inside is the best place for him.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49It's hot out there and he's awfully ginger!
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Carrie must catch Brody, even though she shagged him.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58If Damian Lewis had sex with me,
0:04:58 > 0:05:02I'd be chasing him for an hour every Sunday, too!
0:05:02 > 0:05:04To give him another thank-you card.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I think the British version of Homeland would be very different,
0:05:10 > 0:05:13cos our Government's so unpopular.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16They'd say, "We've only got five minutes to save the Prime Minister.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19"I'll write a letter to the army to get help."
0:05:22 > 0:05:25They're always talking about moles as well, aren't they?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27When did moles get this reputation?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31How effective can a spy be if it's blind?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Personally, I've never trusted stoats.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41There's a lot of obsession with wires, as well.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44I'm always wired. Well, underwired.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I'd like to see that show!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49The Underwire. "It's a war.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53"A war between discomfort and tits on your knees."
0:06:04 > 0:06:08I've decided my mission is to find out everything about the show,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10so here to face my interrogation
0:06:10 > 0:06:14is Homeland's Director of CIA counter-terrorism, David Harewood.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Hello!
0:06:24 > 0:06:29Now, you're a very successful stage and screen actor.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32So I've got one main question for you. Go on.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Why don't you do more shows with your top off?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Mainly because nobody asks me!
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Oh? I would... AUDIENCE: Oh?
0:06:47 > 0:06:51There's easily women in the audience going, "Ask him! Bloody ask him!"
0:06:52 > 0:06:55No. Maybe later.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Your character is under permanent threat of attack. Mm.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02What's it like living in Streatham?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07You know, I love it, because it's so unpretentious.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11You know, I'm not very pretentious myself,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14so one minute I'm kind of flying off to LA
0:07:14 > 0:07:17and walking past palm trees and plastic surgeons,
0:07:17 > 0:07:19there's a plastic surgeon just opposite the hotel.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22And the next minute you're on a plane and back to Streatham
0:07:22 > 0:07:24and you're walking past Greggs and WHSmith's.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28And I love that. I think it's a great kind of...
0:07:28 > 0:07:30It's a great leveller.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Is there really a Greggs next door to Smith's?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Yes. In Streatham, not in Hollywood.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38No, no. Because you could get your pasty and a Take a Break
0:07:38 > 0:07:40and then you're done.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Exactly. Yes. That's amazing. Yeah.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46I'd not thought of moving to Streatham. I do love a Greggs pasty.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I like the sausage, bean and cheese melt.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53It makes me feel dirty in a really good way.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Properly bad.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Um... SHE GIGGLES
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Dirty! Yeah, really... Yeah.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Ohh! Um...
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Have you just done something there? No, no.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08Well...
0:08:08 > 0:08:10I'll check later.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12There's no time now.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Claire Danes did a lot of snot acting, didn't she?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17She did, yeah. She cried a lot.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Do you think that's the main factor of the show's success?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Her snot? Was it her snot,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28or did somebody come on and like, dab snot on?
0:08:30 > 0:08:32It was fake snot. It was fake?! Yes.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Is there like, a snot wrangler?
0:08:35 > 0:08:39So the snot wrangler comes in and just dumps it all over your face!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Somebody out the back with a cold, just providing it.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43AUDIENCE GROANS
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Are people surprised you're British when they've seen you in that show?
0:08:48 > 0:08:51British people are surprised that I'm British. That's the scary...
0:08:51 > 0:08:56The scary thing is I meet people in the street and they say, "What are you doing here? You're American."
0:08:56 > 0:08:59And I say, "No, I'm British." It's a nice compliment, though?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I've been working here for 25 years! So I was...
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Do you ever worry that your Brummie accent is going to come out?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11BRUMMIE ACCENT: No, not really. I try...
0:09:11 > 0:09:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:17 > 0:09:21"No, not really." Can you teach me to do an American accent?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Are there tricks to this? There are tricks to it.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27There are certain words that you'd find very... That are key words.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30OK. So I want you to say, "Water, butter, weather."
0:09:30 > 0:09:32GEORDIE ACCENT: Water, butter, weather.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Are we supposed to be laughing at me in this?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Water, butter, weather. This could be more difficult than I thought!
0:09:42 > 0:09:43Now I want you to say...
0:09:43 > 0:09:44AMERICAN ACCENT: Water.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47AMERICAN ACCENT: Water.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49CHEERING
0:09:50 > 0:09:53AMERICAN ACCENTS: Butter. Butter.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Weather.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56GEORDIE: Weather. Weather.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I slipped, didn't I? You did. AMERICAN: Weather.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01DEEPER AMERICAN ACCENT: Water, butter, weather.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02CHEERING
0:10:05 > 0:10:07That was very... That was very...
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Very, very sexy, as well.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Oh, thanks!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13You dropped it down a little bit.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14DEEP VOICE: I-I did.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Do you know the tricks for Geordie?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Like, there's some words that are massively Geordie.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22So see if you like this.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25STRONG GEORDIE ACCENT: Antibiotics.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Can you do that? Antibiot...
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Antibiotics. Antibiot... Biotic...
0:10:30 > 0:10:32I can't say "Biotic..." I can't say that.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Try another one. Go on.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Wonky risotto.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40GEORDIE ACCENT: Wonky risotto?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43He's very good, isn't he? Wonky risotto.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44I need more time!
0:10:46 > 0:10:50I've heard that the best phrase for a Brummie accent -
0:10:50 > 0:10:53and you might correct me on this - is...
0:10:53 > 0:10:55BRUMMIE ACCENT: "..Roast beef Monster Munch."
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Waterboarding.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Is it more fun than skiing?
0:11:04 > 0:11:05And...
0:11:06 > 0:11:10Is it? Cos I think it's my least favourite of the water sports.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Which is your favourite?
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Of all the water sports? Yeah.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Bath.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26Your character oversaw a good few lie detector tests. Mm.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Have you ever taken one yourself?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31No, I've never... But I used to be quite a good liar.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36Oh, really? Mm. I was a very good liar, back in the day.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Especially with the ladies. Sorry, girls.
0:11:38 > 0:11:39AUDIENCE: Ooooh!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41ONE PERSON CLAPS Are you enjoying...?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Where's the clapping? Somebody clapped?!
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Who clapped?! Where are you?!
0:11:45 > 0:11:46OUT!
0:11:46 > 0:11:49APPLAUSE
0:11:55 > 0:11:57We'll just have them killed outside.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00So you're...
0:12:00 > 0:12:03So you've never taken a lie detector test? No. No.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Not a real one. Are you enjoying this interview?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Yes.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12KLAXON BLARES
0:12:17 > 0:12:19It's broken. It's broken!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24You've been an amazing guest. Thank you for coming on the show.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Ladies and gentlemen, David Harewood.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Now, there are certain types of telly programmes
0:12:39 > 0:12:42that really start to appeal as you get older
0:12:42 > 0:12:44and gardening shows are one of them.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49Gardeners' World features someone called Bob Flowerdew.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52What a name for a gardener!
0:12:52 > 0:12:56If he worked in most gardens, he'd be called Kevin Cat-shit!
0:13:03 > 0:13:06I love watching those transformation garden shows.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09"We've only got two days to totally transform this garden!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11"Otherwise it's gonna take three days!"
0:13:16 > 0:13:19I've got a garden for the first time as an adult
0:13:19 > 0:13:21and I've watched the gardening programmes
0:13:21 > 0:13:24but they just don't answer all of my questions.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Here are some things that I'd still like to know.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Which weeds can I pretend are really plants?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Is next door watching me sunbathe through their window
0:13:33 > 0:13:35and, if not, how can I make them?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39If I throw snails over the wall,
0:13:39 > 0:13:41how long will it take them to come back?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45How big does the garden have to be
0:13:45 > 0:13:48before I can justify a sit-on lawnmower?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53How much weedkiller would a 45-year-old man,
0:13:53 > 0:13:54weighing about 14 stone...
0:13:56 > 0:13:59..have to drink before it killed him? Asking for a friend.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Apparently, you can get rid of slugs with beer.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07If they end up pissed and a bit clingy,
0:14:07 > 0:14:09just leave a kebab out with a bit of salt on it.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16One tip I read was to put Vaseline on birdhouse poles.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Now I just have a garden full of lubed-up squirrels!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Apparently, and this is true,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26if you have lion poo in your garden,
0:14:26 > 0:14:30it stops wildlife digging up all your valuable plants.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35Personally, I'd say if you've got lions shitting in your garden,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38you've got bigger problems than a few dead shrubs!
0:14:39 > 0:14:41"Oh, there goes another postman!
0:14:42 > 0:14:46"It's a pity. I thought he'd be able to run faster than that!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49"Maybe it's the catalogues that slowed him down."
0:14:50 > 0:14:55I've just bought a strimmer for clearing the undergrowth.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Ladyshave just wasn't robust enough.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11My new neighbour is a keen gardener -
0:15:11 > 0:15:13he's got a loft full of plants!
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Seems happy enough.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20I noticed some foxgloves in my garden yesterday.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22They were really lovely.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23So I hung them on the fence
0:15:23 > 0:15:26in case the fox who dropped them comes past again.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31There are some plants that are poisonous
0:15:31 > 0:15:33and shouldn't be eaten under any circumstances.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35I call them vegetables.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43I used to love playing out when I was a kid. Happy on my own.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47The upside of loneliness is that you get really good at Swingball.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51It was only recently that I found out
0:15:51 > 0:15:54you're supposed to play it with two people!
0:15:54 > 0:15:56I just thought it was a spare bat.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01My friend and her horrible husband
0:16:01 > 0:16:04had a huge row about their patio makeover.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06I asked her what he was so angry about
0:16:06 > 0:16:07and she said, "He wants decking."
0:16:07 > 0:16:10I said, "I couldn't agree more, but what's he angry about?"
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Well, I need some help on this,
0:16:18 > 0:16:22so please welcome top television gardener Diarmuid Gavin!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Hello, love. How are you?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33I'm great, Sarah. How are you?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I'm good. Thanks so much for coming on the show, love.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Now, how would you tend my lady garden?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Describe it to me. Is it unruly or is it beautifully manicured?
0:16:46 > 0:16:47It's, um...
0:16:50 > 0:16:51It needs a bit of work.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56And it...it might be a two-man job!
0:17:02 > 0:17:04What's the...? I can do the work of three men!
0:17:05 > 0:17:08You bring Titchmarsh and Monty and we'll talk!
0:17:11 > 0:17:14What makes something a weed, and how can I tell?
0:17:14 > 0:17:17What's the difference between a weed and a plant?
0:17:17 > 0:17:18There is no difference.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21A weed is just a plant growing in a place you don't want it.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24So something growing where you don't want it to grow?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Apparently, a common problem is planting too deep.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Now, that surprises me cos I didn't think you could go too deep.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37What are you planting?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Oh, now it's a proper question about gardening. Um...
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Er...a man's cock.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I just say, "Go all the way until it stops."
0:18:00 > 0:18:04OK. In bulbs, a lot of people ask that question for bulbs.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06So twice the depth of the bulb
0:18:06 > 0:18:08and it'll always go towards the light.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Just like a man's...
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I did not know that about a man's...
0:18:19 > 0:18:20..bulb.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24How long does it take you to harden off?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32CHEERING AND WHISTLES
0:18:39 > 0:18:41It depends on who's asking!
0:18:43 > 0:18:48What grows well in warm, damp conditions and...
0:18:48 > 0:18:49does it respond to Canesten?
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Er...
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Mushrooms. And no.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Now, beef tomatoes...
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Are they promising something they just can't deliver?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15They're just big, juicy tomatoes. That's all.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17There's no meat in them at all!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Have you ever dug up anything odd in a garden?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28I dug up a cat, once.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Was it dead?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36It was.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39And the lady had told me she'd buried the cat in the garden,
0:19:39 > 0:19:41and I just forgot where.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43So, up it came with the digger.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Now, how can I tell if a trampoline will take my weight?
0:19:51 > 0:19:55We just put a trampoline in our garden. If it takes me, it'll take you.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57It'll even take the two of us.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Oh, OK! AUDIENCE: Wooo!
0:19:59 > 0:20:01That's a weird offer, but I'm up for it.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Now, we're all being asked to save rainwater.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Do you like big butts - and you cannot lie?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Yes!
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Seeing as you asked so nicely.
0:20:24 > 0:20:29What is the correct position in a garden for a semi-deflated Space Hopper?
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Cos I've got one and I don't know where to put it.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Is Space Hopper a kind of euphemism?
0:20:41 > 0:20:42No.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47I don't know what it would be a euphemism for!
0:20:48 > 0:20:52It's just like an inflatable thing. It's got ears that you hold on to!
0:20:52 > 0:20:57I've never realised how ridiculous a Space Hopper sounds when you describe it.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59You sit on it and then you bounce along.
0:21:00 > 0:21:05You blow this thing up? Yes. You sit on it? Sit on it.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06You hold onto its ears.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Then you... You bounce along.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Are you on one now?
0:21:13 > 0:21:17I don't believe you just made me describe a Space Hopper!
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Is it still acceptable to wee in a paddling pool at the age of 38?
0:21:29 > 0:21:30No.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Awww. You're not me dad.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40What's your favourite tool?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44I am quite partial to
0:21:44 > 0:21:47a long-handled shovel, with a long wooden shaft.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49It's very good for the back.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Digging, you know? Yeah.
0:21:52 > 0:21:53Use the back.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55No, I like a long shaft.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Not so good for my back, though.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Has your wife ever imposed a hosepipe ban?
0:22:19 > 0:22:23It's been lovely having you on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, Diarmuid Gavin!
0:22:34 > 0:22:38So I'm starting to like gardening programmes and shows for older people,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41but I can still enjoy a bit of youth TV.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45On Cribs, a camera crew is shown around a celebrity's house.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Often, it's not even their house,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50which must be tricky when you're showing people round.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52"This is the...lounge.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55"This is the en-suite...
0:22:55 > 0:22:56"kitchen.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59"This is the wardrobe where I keep all of my...
0:22:59 > 0:23:00"gimp.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05"This is the...dungeon
0:23:05 > 0:23:07"where we keep the wine."
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Catfish is a show that follows people on the internet
0:23:11 > 0:23:14who are having relationships with other people on the internet
0:23:14 > 0:23:16who are lying about who they are.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19You can tell straight away. Too many jobs.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22"Oh, he's lovely. He's a rapper
0:23:22 > 0:23:24"and a male model
0:23:24 > 0:23:26"and a footballer
0:23:26 > 0:23:28"and a cowboy.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31"Some people call him Maurice."
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Whit-whoo.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45One of my favourite shows this year was The Big Reunion,
0:23:45 > 0:23:49where they reunited '90s pop bands for one last concert/tour.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Old, awesome bands.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53A couple of new faces.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Same people, just new faces.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01The boy bands really exaggerated how busy they were.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Blue work seven-day weeks.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Five didn't even have a day off in six months.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07911 had to invent a new month in 1996
0:24:07 > 0:24:10just to get through their world tour.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Surely the most offensive thing isn't being asked to do the show,
0:24:14 > 0:24:17it's being asked when you're still going.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Your manager rings you. "Good news. I've got you on that Big Reunion."
0:24:20 > 0:24:22"But we're still together!"
0:24:22 > 0:24:24"Ah, shit. Sorry, lads, I didn't know."
0:24:26 > 0:24:30But if you like people singing on TV, there's nothing better than Glee.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Glee couldn't be any camper if Dale Winton turned up
0:24:33 > 0:24:37singing ABBA songs while wearing sequinned, bum-less, cowboy chaps!
0:24:40 > 0:24:43If they had a British version, it would be called Glum.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48A bunch of talented losers who don't end up doing anything
0:24:48 > 0:24:51because after-school club funding has been cut.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55While fans of Glee are called Gleeks,
0:24:55 > 0:24:57fans of Glum would be called Glunts.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08We never had a glee club at our school, which is just as well.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11People seemed to have enough reasons to bully me
0:25:11 > 0:25:13without tap dancing and singing show tunes.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17I love watching Glee, but I can't watch it with my boyfriend
0:25:17 > 0:25:21because he doesn't understand that sometimes a band just appears out of nowhere.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23He'll watch Game of Thrones
0:25:23 > 0:25:26and find all that fantasy nonsense totally feasible,
0:25:26 > 0:25:28but "Where did the band come from?
0:25:28 > 0:25:32"They weren't there before. And no-one ever thanks them."
0:25:33 > 0:25:36What I'd like to do is find out more about my favourite show
0:25:36 > 0:25:39so please welcome, all the way from Glee Club, Matthew Morrison.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Hello!
0:25:50 > 0:25:54Now, Glee is my favourite show, so the question I have to ask you is,
0:25:54 > 0:25:56"Are you really here?"
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Um, yes, I'm really here.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03But my name is Matthew, not Will.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07In real life, I'm not the kind of guy who hangs out around high schools!
0:26:08 > 0:26:12Bet you're glad to hear that. That's probably for the best. Fair enough!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I love Glee. I love all the singing and all the dancing.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18But tell me, how do you get your curls so tight?
0:26:18 > 0:26:22You've got a bloody good head of hair on you! Thank you.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24I thank my mom for that.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Does she blow dry it for you? She does.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Now, is it true you only ate potatoes
0:26:32 > 0:26:35so that you could get a six-pack?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37That was a diet you did? Is that true?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Sweet potatoes. Oh, shit!
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Did you try it? Did you decide to do that?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Just chips every day!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52To be honest, it wasn't much of a change from what I was doing before.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57You play a Spanish teacher. Mm-hm.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00What's the sexiest thing you can say in Spanish?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03I can't really speak Spanish!
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Ohhh. Um...
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Hay labios. Jamon, lechugo.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10SOME CHEERS
0:27:10 > 0:27:12That just sounded like you were putting an accent on.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15IN SPANISH ACCENT: I love you. I won't let you go.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Is that what you said? No, no!
0:27:17 > 0:27:18That's what it sounded like!
0:27:18 > 0:27:20It sounds like, "I love you, I won't let you go,"
0:27:20 > 0:27:26but I actually just said, "lips, ham, and lettuce."
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Hay labios... That works for me.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Jamon, lechugo. "I love you, ham."
0:27:31 > 0:27:34And your lettuce. And I won't let your lettuce go.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Let's make that sound rude. It doesn't sound that rude at the minute, but we'll work on it.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42What is the first rule of Glee Club?
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Is it, "You can't speak a cappella outside of Glee Club?"
0:27:45 > 0:27:47That's right. Absolutely, yeah.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50And, you know, you never thank the band, like you said.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53That's a rule? Never thank the band! Never thank the band.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56"5, 6, 7, 8... Now shut up!"
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Um, can I smell you?
0:28:00 > 0:28:02That was just...
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Which part of me would you like to smell?
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Like, a neck would do.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Is that OK? I'll come to you. I'll come to you.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16AUDIENCE: Wooo!
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Shut up!
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Ooh, that's nice. That's nice.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25It's slightly overtaken by that!
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Ooh!
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Wowsers!
0:28:33 > 0:28:35I got two smells there!
0:28:37 > 0:28:39I'm not going to say which one I preferred!
0:28:40 > 0:28:41Can I touch you?
0:28:43 > 0:28:45Sorry, that's fine. It's fine.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47How low can... No, it's fine.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Do you know the second most... No, it's only two inches.
0:28:52 > 0:28:53From the ground!
0:28:57 > 0:28:59Wow. That is impressive.
0:29:01 > 0:29:02You must have very short legs!
0:29:06 > 0:29:08Now, you said you're very proud to be Scottish.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11I don't think many people know that you are Scottish. I am?
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Oh...
0:29:13 > 0:29:15No, I absolutely am.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28How far back are the Scottish roots?
0:29:30 > 0:29:31I... Three generations.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Oh, you're not Scottish, then. Shut your face.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37No, no. No. I'm not a real Scot.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39You're not a real one. No.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42Now, you did a gig at the White House for the Obamas.
0:29:42 > 0:29:43That must have been terrifying.
0:29:43 > 0:29:46It was at Christmas time and I did a Hawaiian Christmas song
0:29:46 > 0:29:49because he's from Hawaii. So you sucked up to him properly!
0:29:49 > 0:29:52Absolutely. Now, Obama gave you a hug afterwards.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55How did that feel? Did you just feel really safe?
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Does he give good hug? He does.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00When Obama is in the room, he is the coolest guy in the room.
0:30:00 > 0:30:03Like, hands down, he is just a really cool guy.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05It was a cool hug.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08Was it a bit too long? Did you hold on for a bit too long?
0:30:08 > 0:30:12No, because you get a Secret Service member pulling you off right away.
0:30:12 > 0:30:13Wow, they pull you off, as well?!
0:30:23 > 0:30:26Can you teach me any vocal warm-ups?
0:30:26 > 0:30:29Is there anything that you always do before you start singing?
0:30:29 > 0:30:34My vocal warm-ups sound pretty nasty, but I'll give you a tame one. Really?
0:30:34 > 0:30:35Oh, I could do a nasty one.
0:30:38 > 0:30:40It's what I've heard!
0:30:40 > 0:30:43APPLAUSE
0:30:47 > 0:30:50That's because I told you!
0:30:50 > 0:30:51Dressing room 2. All right!
0:30:53 > 0:30:56RISING IN PITCH: # Bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee
0:30:56 > 0:30:58FALLING: # Bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee. #
0:30:58 > 0:31:00Should I give it a go? Yeah.
0:31:00 > 0:31:01SHAKILY: # Bumblebee... #
0:31:03 > 0:31:06It's just what I talk like! Shut up.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08# Bumblebee, bumblebee
0:31:08 > 0:31:09VERY HIGH: # Bumblebee! #
0:31:09 > 0:31:11Yeah!
0:31:11 > 0:31:14# Bumblebee, bumblebee. # Is that all right?
0:31:14 > 0:31:16Yeah, do you need some water?
0:31:16 > 0:31:17Yeah! And a shotgun.
0:31:20 > 0:31:21Do you think I would make it in Glee Club?
0:31:21 > 0:31:22Nope.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32Could I not even help tidy up after Glee Club?
0:31:32 > 0:31:33Don't even audition.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:31:36 > 0:31:40Hey, I meant to say, "Don't stop believing."
0:31:40 > 0:31:44But I think I could fit in really well, cos I'm a bit of an outcast
0:31:44 > 0:31:47and I wear glasses, and that's it, isn't it?
0:31:47 > 0:31:52Is that it? You're an outcast with your own damn TV show?!
0:31:52 > 0:31:55Oh, yeah! Ah!
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Let's hope the people from school are watching!
0:32:00 > 0:32:02Do you think so?
0:32:07 > 0:32:10My favourite song is Cliff Richard's Wired For Sound.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12LAUGHTER
0:32:12 > 0:32:14I don't think I know that one.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17You don't know... I don't know that one. You know Cliff Richard?
0:32:17 > 0:32:20SHE GASPS
0:32:20 > 0:32:22Oh, damn! I'm in trouble, huh?
0:32:22 > 0:32:26Oh, my God! Have you... You've never heard of Cliff Richard?
0:32:26 > 0:32:28Afraid not. He's like our Elvis!
0:32:28 > 0:32:30Obviously!
0:32:30 > 0:32:33I'm gonna get booed off stage in a second!
0:32:33 > 0:32:36Now, you do a bit of break-dancing, don't you?
0:32:36 > 0:32:39I did. You did? Back in the day.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41I call it broke-dancing, now.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44Because every time I do it, like, I'm older now
0:32:44 > 0:32:47so my back hurts the next day. It's not a good thing.
0:32:47 > 0:32:51Can you... I mostly dance sitting down, especially when I'm driving.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53Can you give me any tips for sit-down dancing?
0:32:53 > 0:32:57Sit-down dancing? Like the roll of a wave, just like this.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59You know?
0:32:59 > 0:33:02But if you're driving, you might go...
0:33:02 > 0:33:06I could do it. And if I've got the window open, I could get it all the way out! Yes.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10Like that? Like that?
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Woo-oo-oo!
0:33:12 > 0:33:13I'm properly shit at this.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17I don't think... LOUD POPPING SOUND What was that?!
0:33:17 > 0:33:18Nothing! What happened there?
0:33:18 > 0:33:21You just kind of turn me on a little bit.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31You appeared in a TV movie called Once Upon a Mattress.
0:33:31 > 0:33:33I did. Was it a porno?
0:33:36 > 0:33:39Was the full title Once Upon a Mattress and Twice Against a Wall?
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Ah!
0:33:47 > 0:33:50Are you a karaoke king on a night out? No.
0:33:50 > 0:33:51Not at all?
0:33:51 > 0:33:53No.
0:33:53 > 0:33:54Really? Why?
0:33:54 > 0:33:57The thing is, when you go to do karaoke,
0:33:57 > 0:33:59I feel like if you're actually a really good singer,
0:33:59 > 0:34:03people don't like it, because it's more for like, fun and just...
0:34:03 > 0:34:06so my go-to karaoke song is Baby Got Back. Right.
0:34:06 > 0:34:07By Sir Mix-a-Lot.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09RAPS: I like big butts and I cannot lie
0:34:09 > 0:34:11You other brothers can't deny...
0:34:11 > 0:34:14Yeah. That's my go-to karaoke song.
0:34:14 > 0:34:15It's also good to know!
0:34:21 > 0:34:23It's all...it's all information.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28When I do karaoke, I do it in a private booth.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30OK. I bet you do!
0:34:30 > 0:34:34It's not the only thing I do in a private booth, but let's save that for later.
0:34:34 > 0:34:38But I like the small speakers and I like the tall speakers.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40And, uh,
0:34:40 > 0:34:42if they've got music,
0:34:42 > 0:34:44then they're wired for sound.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48# Walkin' about with a head full of music
0:34:48 > 0:34:53# Cassette in my pocket and I'm gonna use it - stereo
0:34:53 > 0:34:56# Out in the streets, you know
0:34:56 > 0:34:59# Wo-wo-wo wo-wo-wo
0:35:00 > 0:35:03# Into the car, go to work and I'm cruisin'
0:35:03 > 0:35:06# I never think that I'll blow all my fuses
0:35:06 > 0:35:07# Traffic flows
0:35:07 > 0:35:10# Into the breakfast show
0:35:10 > 0:35:13# Wo-wo-wo wo-wo-wo
0:35:15 > 0:35:16# Wo-wo-wo
0:35:17 > 0:35:22# Power from the needle to the plastic
0:35:22 > 0:35:28# AM, FM, I feel so ecstatic now
0:35:28 > 0:35:30# It's music I've found
0:35:30 > 0:35:33# And I'm wired for sound
0:35:35 > 0:35:40# Power from the needle to the plastic
0:35:40 > 0:35:46# AM, FM, I feel so ecstatic now
0:35:46 > 0:35:49# It's music I've found
0:35:49 > 0:35:51# And I'm wired for sound
0:35:54 > 0:35:56# I was small boy
0:35:56 > 0:35:58# Who don't like his toys
0:35:58 > 0:36:02# I could not wait to get...
0:36:02 > 0:36:05# Wired for sound. #
0:36:20 > 0:36:22Ladies and gentlemen, Matthew Morrison!
0:36:22 > 0:36:24Thank you!
0:36:27 > 0:36:31And for once, we're going to thank the bloody band!
0:36:31 > 0:36:32Thank you, guys!
0:36:34 > 0:36:36And thank you, dancers!
0:36:38 > 0:36:40SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:36:41 > 0:36:43That's all we've got time for tonight.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46Unfortunately, we haven't had time to talk about high school shows
0:36:46 > 0:36:49like Grange Hill - they never did songs.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51Well, they did, but it was about heroin.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57They're bringing back Dawson's Creek. He's older now,
0:36:57 > 0:36:59and manages the creek with cod liver oil!
0:37:01 > 0:37:03We haven't had time to talk about The Wire.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06People complained they couldn't understand what was being said.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09Southerners had the same problem with Byker Grove!
0:37:10 > 0:37:14And 24 - proof of what a bloke can get done in a day when he puts his mind to it!
0:37:14 > 0:37:16Good night!
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd