0:00:33 > 0:00:37Hello and welcome to the Sarah Millican Television Programme.
0:00:41 > 0:00:47Now I love a TV dinner. In fact, I don't think ready meals should have the calories on the back.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50They should have the TV listings.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54Just turn it over and go, "Oh, that goes well with Downton Abbey.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56"I'll have two of them."
0:00:56 > 0:01:00- Cos you always have two...don't you? - LAUGHTER
0:01:02 > 0:01:04No, no, me neither.
0:01:04 > 0:01:11I love Man versus Food. If you went on a date with him, you'd never feel like the greedy one, would you?
0:01:11 > 0:01:16I wouldn't split the bill, though. I'm a feminist, but not an idiot!
0:01:16 > 0:01:22I like Nigel Slater's cooking shows, but he's always making stuff with leftovers. Sorry? Leftovers?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24What are they?
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Surely that's the other half of your dinner.
0:01:31 > 0:01:37I love watching The Cube. Are you kidding? Philip Schofield making me get inside a perspex box
0:01:37 > 0:01:42and then I have to do whatever he tells me to...while he watches?!
0:01:42 > 0:01:46- LAUGHTER - It's like a dream I once had!
0:01:54 > 0:01:58You know, I like watching Undercover Boss,
0:01:58 > 0:02:02but one thing that always bothers me is how they disguise the boss.
0:02:02 > 0:02:07They often just put glasses on them. Is that all you've done?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Sometimes they put a wig on them or a zip-up cardigan.
0:02:10 > 0:02:17I'm waiting for the day Ronald McDonald turns up with a baseball cap on over his big red clown wig,
0:02:17 > 0:02:21declaring himself Jason, the new team member.
0:02:21 > 0:02:26And then he's sprung as soon as someone honks his nose.
0:02:27 > 0:02:33I do get annoyed at the end of those programmes. There was one aboard a cruise liner
0:02:33 > 0:02:37about a young Filipino lad who worked 18-hour days for less than minimum wage.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42He hadn't seen his family for years, one of his kids had died. Awful.
0:02:42 > 0:02:47When his boss brought him in, he thought he'd done something wrong and the whole audience is shouting,
0:02:47 > 0:02:53"Give him a proper wage!" Instead, his boss said, "You work so hard.
0:02:53 > 0:02:59"You've had such a horrible time, I'm going to send you to Disneyland for the weekend."
0:02:59 > 0:03:03It was Paris as well! Not even the good Disneyland.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08Shows about jobs are very popular. BBC3 had Young Butcher of the Year.
0:03:08 > 0:03:15I've thought of some others they could do. Young Cobbler of the Year. Get through to boot camp.
0:03:17 > 0:03:23Young Burglar of the Year. Congratulations. You're through to judges' houses.
0:03:23 > 0:03:28Young Porn Actor of the Year. Well done. You're through to the live semis.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29LAUGHTER
0:03:34 > 0:03:38I did a work experience at a veterinary hospital as a teenager.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42I thought it would just be cuddling rabbits, but it was more horrific.
0:03:42 > 0:03:48"Would you like to sit in on an operation?" I said yes. As I walked in, I saw a bucket to collect pus.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51And I don't mean a cat.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55"Would you like to hold the tumour?"
0:03:56 > 0:03:59This is not what I signed up for!
0:03:59 > 0:04:03I'm happy to report that I was pretty feisty even at 16.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08I worked as a Saturday kid at WH Smith and when any blokes bought a porn magazine,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I wouldn't offer them a bag.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13LAUGHTER
0:04:17 > 0:04:21So they'd have to buy a Shields Gazette to hide their shame in.
0:04:21 > 0:04:27The manager came down one day and said, "Since you started, sales of the Gazette have shot up!"
0:04:29 > 0:04:35I also worked as an audio book producer. One time, a lady from the library came for a visit.
0:04:35 > 0:04:41She told me the local old people's home had borrowed some audio books and put one on in the day room.
0:04:41 > 0:04:47But when a sex scene came on, the staff said, "OK, that's enough for today,"
0:04:47 > 0:04:53and every single old lady came up and quietly asked to borrow the rest to listen to in bed.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Just imagine the clouds of dust coming out from under there!
0:04:58 > 0:05:04"Mavis had the audio book last night. Her room will need a proper hoovering."
0:05:06 > 0:05:10I never had a chance to do a recording for the audio books.
0:05:10 > 0:05:15I wondered if today's most popular books would work in my voice.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Thank you.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19LAUGHTER
0:05:25 > 0:05:30"I close my eyes tightly as he gently moves my panties..."
0:05:33 > 0:05:38Panties?! No women call them panties. Knickers!
0:05:38 > 0:05:41LAUGHTER
0:05:42 > 0:05:46"..and slowly runs his finger up and down my sex."
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Is that what we call it now? "My sex"?
0:05:52 > 0:05:56No. "And slowly runs his finger up and down my nunny."
0:05:56 > 0:05:58LAUGHTER
0:06:08 > 0:06:13"Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free."
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Boing!
0:06:20 > 0:06:25"He reaches over to his bedside table and grabs a foil packet."
0:06:25 > 0:06:27It's a weird time for a Kit Kat.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30LAUGHTER
0:06:37 > 0:06:43I suppose when you're reading things like that it saves licking your finger to turn the page.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51There is someone who knows all about my employment history. It's my dad, Philip.
0:06:58 > 0:07:04- Hello, Dad. Can you hear us all right?- Certainly can. - Hello, flower.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- Now you have always had a very good work ethic.- Yes.
0:07:07 > 0:07:12- Did you ever throw a sickie? - Never.- Not ever? Not once?
0:07:12 > 0:07:19Never threw a sickie. In fact, in them days it was called having one off for the Queen.
0:07:21 > 0:07:28I don't know why that sounds rude to me. Having it off for the Queen.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31"We're having it off for the Queen."
0:07:31 > 0:07:36- Can you remember what I wanted to be?- Yes.- What?
0:07:36 > 0:07:40You wanted to be either a stripper... LAUGHTER
0:07:42 > 0:07:47..or a pisky. It took me ages to find out.
0:07:47 > 0:07:55We were down in Cornwall one holiday and found out that a pisky is a Cornish pixie.
0:07:55 > 0:08:00- You don't mean pasty?- No... - I didn't want to be a pasty?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04The stripper thing is weird.
0:08:04 > 0:08:10Well, you liked dancing and you thought a stripper was just a nice lady dancing.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13It's not a nice lady dancing.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I don't know. I've never seen any.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:23 > 0:08:28Do you think I've still got a chance to be a stripper?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Some day. Some day.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37You've got more chance of being a stripper than a pisky.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Good answer.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Your job was the job that you did for life.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49I loved my first job in WH Smith. Absolutely loved it.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51What was I like in those days?
0:08:51 > 0:08:55I was there from 16 to 21. What was I like?
0:08:55 > 0:09:01I don't know what you were like at WH Smith, but I have somebody here called Ian
0:09:01 > 0:09:03who may be able to help.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Oh, shit!
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Hello!
0:09:09 > 0:09:14This is Ian, my old boss from WH Smith! Yay!
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Hello!
0:09:18 > 0:09:21I've got your Gazette, Philip.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Oh...!
0:09:28 > 0:09:34Oh, I'm glad. I saw a magazine fall out of it and I'm glad it's just a train one. Good to know.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36What do you remember about me, Ian?
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Always very cheerful, good with the customers,
0:09:40 > 0:09:48but mainly good at making me coffee on a Saturday morning before you stuffed supplements into the papers.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Do you remember every Christmas Eve we used to do fancy dress?
0:09:52 > 0:09:55A couple of you did, yeah.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59That's unfair! There was a few years when we all did it
0:09:59 > 0:10:06and then one year there was only me and my friend did it. We decided to do bad taste,
0:10:06 > 0:10:13so we had ladders in our tights and really bad make-up on... and nobody noticed!
0:10:13 > 0:10:17They thought we had our best clothes on.
0:10:17 > 0:10:23- I remember your leaving do. - Yes, I think we were all stood round in a circle
0:10:23 > 0:10:27and I was just about to go when you arrived opposite me.
0:10:27 > 0:10:33- I went to give you a hug. I think you thought I was trying to snog your face off!- I don't remember!
0:10:33 > 0:10:38It was probably the first time somebody had tried to do that!
0:10:39 > 0:10:46Thank you so much, Dad and Ian. Ladies and gentlemen, my dad Philip and my old boss, Ian! Thank you!
0:10:54 > 0:10:58What a nice surprise. I'm glad I was nice.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02My dad worked down the pit. During the Miners' Strike in 1984,
0:11:02 > 0:11:09local supermarkets rallied round, giving miners' families their end of day stuff - pies, bread, cream cakes
0:11:09 > 0:11:15and Marks's decided they wanted to help, too, and gave the miners 13 trays of avocados.
0:11:15 > 0:11:20The miners had no idea what to do with them. "Do I peel them?
0:11:20 > 0:11:25"They're quite hard. We could throw them at the coppers.
0:11:25 > 0:11:30"This one's soft. Terry, put it on the guacamole pile."
0:11:30 > 0:11:36I met Duncan Bannatyne recently and he was quite flirty. Flattering, but you couldn't have sex with him.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39"I'm out. I'm in. I'm out. I'm in."
0:11:41 > 0:11:48I love watching The Apprentice. Lord Sugar enters the boardroom dramatically, after everyone else.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52Just once I want him to zip up and say, "I'd give that five minutes."
0:11:55 > 0:12:00It's not very representative of the real world. You can't just fire someone.
0:12:00 > 0:12:06One of these days, someone will turn up with a UNISON rep for The Unfair Dismissal.
0:12:06 > 0:12:12Let's find out what really goes on on The Apprentice. Please welcome the most memorable contestant ever,
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Stuart Baggs!
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Hello.
0:12:21 > 0:12:26- Welcome, Stuart.- You've done well. - Thank you. I've got a desk and everything.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31In case anyone's forgotten, let's watch a bit of you in action.
0:12:33 > 0:12:39I consider myself an absolutely fantastic salesman. Everything I touch turns to sold.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44"I'm passionate, I'm a grafter." I'm all of these things, but I'm not a cliche.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49I am Stuart Baggs, the brand. I'm confident, I'm unique and successful.
0:12:49 > 0:12:56- Why would you want to have a job with Lord Sugar?- I'm a big fish in a small pond.- You're not a big fish.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59You're not even a fish.
0:13:00 > 0:13:07I'm not a one-trick pony. I've got a field of ponies waiting to literally run towards this.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12The thing is, you're full of shit, basically.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- Stuart, you are fired. - Thank you.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Why?!
0:13:19 > 0:13:25- Why?- Now...Alan Sugar said that you would look back at that moment and you would cringe.
0:13:25 > 0:13:31- Have you cringed yet?- Quite a few times. That's horrendous. No wonder I didn't lose my virginity until...
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- I still haven't, to be fair.- Oh!
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- Anybody?- It's not that sort of show.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- Did you just pretend somebody waved? - LAUGHTER
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Aww, bless him.
0:13:47 > 0:13:53- With a name like Stuart Baggs, shouldn't you be working at Tesco? - I'll take any job I can get!
0:13:53 > 0:13:59- I'm the most unemployable person in the whole country!- No, you work for yourself. Is that why?
0:13:59 > 0:14:05- Nobody else would take you on? - There's not a lot of options for me, genuinely.
0:14:05 > 0:14:13When I went on the show, I was told that you'll get quite a few job offers. I got none. Not one offer.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16AUDIENCE "Aww!" It's not a pantomime!
0:14:16 > 0:14:22But I got nothing except an offer for a Channel 5 dating show and then they wouldn't have me.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26They said I was too ugly... Sorry. Not their target demographic.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- A minger.- Awww.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34- I'm getting sympathy for once. - We're a nice show. That's why.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38You're not as much of a bell end as I thought you'd be.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42You certainly know how to sell yourself.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47- You think?!- Yeah, you do. Here's your latest advert.- I got no offers.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49LAUGHTER
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Those balls are shiny, aren't they?
0:14:59 > 0:15:04- What was that for?- That was for Everyman Male Cancer charity.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- I thought I would get naked. - Did they ask you or...?
0:15:10 > 0:15:16Did you just go into the office and start stripping off? Did no one say to move your hand slightly down?
0:15:16 > 0:15:22- I can see your Stuart bag. - The mini brand.- The mini brand! Is that what you call it?
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Never call it mini, love.
0:15:25 > 0:15:31Let's talk about where it all started for you. You began by selling yo-yos in the playground?
0:15:31 > 0:15:37Can I just clarify this? When I go out, people often say to me, "You sold yo-yos in the playground".
0:15:37 > 0:15:42It makes me sound like a predator. I was at school at the time.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46Not hanging round in a mac saying, "Do you want to see my yo-yos?"
0:15:46 > 0:15:50I think I saw them on the picture there.
0:15:52 > 0:15:58- Lord Sugar said you were full of shit.- Yes.- Was that a fair assessment of how you behaved?
0:15:58 > 0:16:05- No.- It felt harsh when he said it. Especially there when we saw it. - Of course it was harsh.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09If I wasn't so much of a cock, that could have hurt me.
0:16:13 > 0:16:20You sometimes rub people up the wrong way. Have you ever considered working from home?
0:16:22 > 0:16:27The thing is, I do genuinely work from home a couple of days a week.
0:16:27 > 0:16:33There is nothing better than picking up the phone knowing you're naked and somebody's calling in...
0:16:33 > 0:16:40- Do you tell the person you're naked? I would have to.- It's not that type of phone service I'm offering.
0:16:40 > 0:16:45- I don't know what you're up to! - That's how I make my money.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49I'd have to go, "I'd chat now, but I've no knickers on."
0:16:49 > 0:16:54- You don't do that? - No. I don't tell them. There's no disclaimer as such.
0:16:54 > 0:16:59Can you make a proper business decision with your wanger out?
0:16:59 > 0:17:05- It helps...- You think it helps?! - Absolutely.- You're touching it at the same time, aren't you?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- Not now! Hand up! - I need to make a decision!
0:17:09 > 0:17:15Thank you so much for coming on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, Stuart Baggs. Thank you very much.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17APPLAUSE
0:17:22 > 0:17:27Now I love watching Coach Trip. Of course, it's nothing like a real coach trip.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30None of them are on the run.
0:17:30 > 0:17:36I saw the Chuckle Brothers on Coach Trip once and thought, "It must be a celebrity version." Nope.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38LAUGHTER
0:17:38 > 0:17:40They were just going on holiday.
0:17:42 > 0:17:48Have you seen Border Patrol? It's set in New Zealand and one thing they look for is tiger penis.
0:17:48 > 0:17:54Must be easy to find on people. I only really know one good place to hide a penis.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01Travel shows are all very well, but they don't tell you everything.
0:18:01 > 0:18:08I've made a list of things they don't tell you, but they should - Paris is actually shit.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14No one goes to Brussels on purpose.
0:18:15 > 0:18:20She doesn't like you, she's a prostitute.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Don't feed it or it'll follow you home.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27This also applies to animals.
0:18:29 > 0:18:35I've never worn fake tan, but my friend says it's so people think she's been on holiday.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39But when I'm abroad, I don't tan. I go pink, then red, then blister.
0:18:39 > 0:18:46If I want people to think I've been on holiday, I put too much blusher on my nose and iron my tits.
0:18:48 > 0:18:53I went on holiday with the girls. One said, "Don't forget to get your bits done."
0:18:53 > 0:18:59I got it wrong. They'd all been waxed. I had mine blow-dried.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02I'd let it grow. I had a proper quiff and everything.
0:19:05 > 0:19:11In Cosmopolitan magazine, there was a list of things for girls to remember to pack for holiday.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Under "In the bedroom" it said adaptors.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Just how different are Spanish cocks?
0:19:21 > 0:19:27"It won't go in the hole. I tried forcing it, but I could smell burning."
0:19:29 > 0:19:34The internet is full of handy travel tips, although some are more useful than others.
0:19:34 > 0:19:39"In France, it's now compulsory to carry an unused breathalyser kit in your car."
0:19:39 > 0:19:45If you haven't got one, just drive erratically and the police will give you a free one.
0:19:45 > 0:19:51"If the sink plug is missing, cut a tennis ball in half." Great(!) Now I can't play swingball.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57"Pack only dark-coloured clothing to cut down on washing while away."
0:19:57 > 0:20:03It's also good if you can track down yellow and brown pants.
0:20:04 > 0:20:09"To ensure your caravan is level, place a cylindrical packet of biscuits on the floor.
0:20:09 > 0:20:16"These will roll if the caravan is not level." I love that they specified a cylindrical packet!
0:20:16 > 0:20:20As if people just put Bourbons down and go, "It's champion."
0:20:22 > 0:20:26I've been watching that BBC2 show Coast. If you haven't seen it,
0:20:26 > 0:20:30- a bloke walks round the coast. - LAUGHTER
0:20:31 > 0:20:37For the new series they went to Holland. Before that, they must have been dying for some global warming!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40"A new Coast tonight. Birmingham!"
0:20:40 > 0:20:45I'd like to find out more about the show, so please welcome the host of Coast, Neil Oliver.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:20:53 > 0:21:00- Hello, Neil.- Hello. - Thank you for coming on the show. Let's look at you in action.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03The conditions are good for MY passion.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07This is, after all, the sort of weather lighthouses were made for.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10And I enjoy a good lighthouse, me.
0:21:12 > 0:21:18So I couldn't resist a visit to this one on the Needles, especially as they're about to clean the lens.
0:21:22 > 0:21:29- How often does the lens get cleaned? - Just once a year.- It's going to take about that long.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I'd hate to be responsible for a smear.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35APPLAUSE
0:21:39 > 0:21:42I wouldn't mind you being responsible for a smear.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45LAUGHTER
0:21:45 > 0:21:50Now, Neil, you're not just the presenter of a great TV show. You're an archaeologist,
0:21:50 > 0:21:57- a historian, an expert on the Vikings...- Yes.- So how do you keep your hair looking so manageable?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01It's constant variety, I think.
0:22:01 > 0:22:07I'm in hotels all the time and I just use whatever's in the little bottles.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09No! Some of it's like Fairy Liquid.
0:22:09 > 0:22:16I like to think it's all the same stuff, whether it's expensive or in hotels. The same chemicals,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- slightly different colours and textures.- And do you condition?- No.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24- Look at your lovely locks, though! - I just wash and go!
0:22:26 > 0:22:31So you're out in the wind and rain a lot. Is frizz your mortal enemy?
0:22:31 > 0:22:37It never frizzes, it never does anything. I am available for advertising campaigns.
0:22:39 > 0:22:44- I'm very easily kept. - You're very easily kept?!- Hair-wise.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47It sounded like we could have you as a pet.
0:22:47 > 0:22:54- Do you get a sore neck from turning to the camera all the time?- That was an invention of the directors
0:22:54 > 0:22:59and the people who were putting the show together the first time.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03They felt it would look as if there was a reason to go on a journey
0:23:03 > 0:23:09if the presenter was always leaving the camera behind and heading off. So there was a great deal of...
0:23:09 > 0:23:14- looking over the shoulder. "Come with me."- We're following you.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19- That's nice. I like that. - It necessitated a lot of walking away towards cliff edges.
0:23:19 > 0:23:25Yeah, do the cameramen get really annoyed because they have to get close and constantly follow you?
0:23:25 > 0:23:31It's better for the cameraman because they're normally in front walking backwards.
0:23:31 > 0:23:37When you do it that way, they at least are walking forwards, so they like it.
0:23:37 > 0:23:43- And when you go over the cliff, they won't. But they'll get it all for the telly.- They know when to stop.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- Now you live in Stirling.- I do. - An old, historic part of Scotland.
0:23:49 > 0:23:55- Yeah.- Have you ever considered moving somewhere that's got lots of nice, new things?
0:23:55 > 0:24:01No, that's the beauty of being with an archaeologist. The older you get, the more interesting you become.
0:24:01 > 0:24:06- Are you coming on to me? - You're a very beautiful woman.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Oh, bless you. Oh...
0:24:09 > 0:24:15Yay! Oh. It's one of those compliments. "Yay! Oh, he likes old things."
0:24:15 > 0:24:17LAUGHTER
0:24:17 > 0:24:24- You've got a book.- I've got several books.- I'm talking about Amazing Tales For Making Men Out Of Boys.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27I've done that a couple of times.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29LAUGHTER
0:24:30 > 0:24:33It's not that kind of book, Sarah.
0:24:34 > 0:24:39To be fair, I've also made boys out of men.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41"I want me mam!" "Shut up!"
0:24:44 > 0:24:49In most of your programmes, you carry a satchel. What's in it?
0:24:49 > 0:24:54- I'm a very clean person.- OK. - Very fastidious.
0:24:54 > 0:24:59As my smalls are no longer available for wearing, I keep them separate from the big bag,
0:24:59 > 0:25:07so I put my yesterday's pants and socks in the bag that I carry around on camera.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09So that...
0:25:09 > 0:25:14So that everything like that, I know where it all is.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16And I can deal with it another day.
0:25:16 > 0:25:23I love that now when we watch you, we'll go, "I know what's in that bag. It's just dirty pants."
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- Yeah.- Now this doesn't seem right, you just sitting there.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31- I think we should go outside. - Excellent news.- Put your coat on.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34"Coast" THEME MUSIC PLAYS
0:25:35 > 0:25:37SEAGULLS CRY
0:25:38 > 0:25:43I love a walk by the coast. The weather's a bit changeable, though.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48- I probably should have put my coat on.- Yeah. Geordie, though.
0:25:48 > 0:25:54- Exactly. I don't need a coat. - Ah, nice.- It's getting to be hard work now, though, this.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56LAUGHTER
0:25:57 > 0:26:03- You're a historian.- Yeah. - What's your favourite period of history? Mine's the '80s.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- '70s.- The '70s!
0:26:06 > 0:26:08APPLAUSE
0:26:09 > 0:26:14Oh! Oh! There's a seagull. That came down awfully low.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- They don't fly that low normally. - Oh!
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- That's a kittiwake.- Oh!
0:26:20 > 0:26:23- Oh, it liked you.- Yeah.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Is it...? Oh!
0:26:25 > 0:26:29It's not normally strawberry! In my experience.
0:26:29 > 0:26:35You're finding this a little bit too easy, this walk. Can we up the pace a little bit?
0:26:35 > 0:26:40- How close to the coast do you actually go?- I go all the way.
0:26:40 > 0:26:45- All the way in.- Oh! I've not been there. Have you been there?
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Oh, lordy! Get that back in the water!
0:26:49 > 0:26:54It's getting a bit chilly now, isn't it?
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- That's better. - Oh, surely not for me.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03I've never seen you in a hat before.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Oh!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09See what you did then?
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Oh! Oh! Oh!
0:27:11 > 0:27:17- I should have definitely put my coat on. - That's sticking to my conditioner.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Oh!
0:27:21 > 0:27:26- Ladies and gentlemen, he's been a brilliant sport! Neil Oliver! - APPLAUSE
0:27:29 > 0:27:30Oh!
0:27:31 > 0:27:35That's it for tonight. Unfortunately, we didn't have time
0:27:35 > 0:27:41to talk about Most Haunted International where Yvette Fielding travels the world looking for
0:27:41 > 0:27:48the most gullible audiences. Extreme Water Parks - the first series was great, but now it's on the slide.
0:27:49 > 0:27:55Britain's Best Drives, which I think is about cars, not just the bit in front of houses.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59And we didn't have time to talk about Wayne Rooney's Street Star,
0:27:59 > 0:28:05in which Wayne cruises the streets trawling for talent. Will he never learn?
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Good night!
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd