0:00:25 > 0:00:27CHEERING
0:00:35 > 0:00:40Hello, and welcome to the Sarah Millican Television Programme.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41CHEERING
0:00:44 > 0:00:46You may be surprised to know I've got really broad tastes
0:00:46 > 0:00:48when it comes to TV.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Sometimes I'll be watching telly with my boyfriend and I'll say,
0:00:51 > 0:00:53"Do you fancy watching the adult channel?"
0:00:55 > 0:00:57And his eyes light up and he says,
0:00:57 > 0:00:58"Yes, I do!"
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Then I put BBC4 on.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07But the way we watch television, it's changing.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Don't you find every time you take something off series link,
0:01:10 > 0:01:12it's like a tiny death?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15I always say sorry when I delete something.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17"I'm sorry - I have to let you go."
0:01:18 > 0:01:20"I thought you were going to get better."
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Because we all record things we think we SHOULD watch, don't we?
0:01:25 > 0:01:28That BBC4 documentary on the history of the egg whisk.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Or Alan Yentob's Weasels.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34But then Friends is on
0:01:34 > 0:01:35and it's one you haven't seen.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38This week.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41The Sky box is very much like the fridge, I think.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44"I'll probably just have a bowl of rocket.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47"Ooh! Custard doughnuts!"
0:01:56 > 0:01:59You know, I love to travel to places I've never been before.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02As long as it's via the Radio Times.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06I love watching Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10It's where a young lad or lass go on their first holiday with friends
0:02:10 > 0:02:14and their parents secretly follow them with a camera crew.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17It should be called Oh, Shit, Mam And Dad Are Over There.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28If my mam and dad came on holiday to watch me,
0:02:28 > 0:02:30the voiceover would say...
0:02:30 > 0:02:34"She's finished one book and is choosing between two others.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38"She's looked at the mini-bar, but it's Fruit & Nut,
0:02:38 > 0:02:40"and she's never really liked Fruit & Nut.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45"She's run downstairs for another toilet roll.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49"She's sucking the chocolate off the Fruit & Nut.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53"It's 4.30, so she's having a massive breakfast
0:02:53 > 0:02:55"and is shoving pastries in her bag."
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I stay in hotels a lot when I'm on the road,
0:03:08 > 0:03:10and I always get confused by the towel thing.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12You know the towel thing?
0:03:12 > 0:03:13There's always a sign that says,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15"Help us protect the environment."
0:03:15 > 0:03:17I always just think, "Do I have to?"
0:03:17 > 0:03:20I was just going to have a nap and then watch Pointless.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Do you want me to sort out your recycling?
0:03:23 > 0:03:27I will, cos I can, but I still don't really know where to put the cat shit.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I just put it in with the meat, cos that's what it smells like.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43But the sign says, "If the towel is in the bath, change it.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45"If it's on the rail, use it again.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47"If it's on the floor, I'm a man."
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I was watching the travel channel the other day.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02I saw a programme called Extreme Water Parks,
0:04:02 > 0:04:05and I thought, "Surely ALL water parks are extreme?"
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Otherwise, it's just a canal.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Or a bath.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13My friend is terrified of flying,
0:04:13 > 0:04:17so drinks a lot of red wine and takes Valium before the flight
0:04:17 > 0:04:19to calm her down. I said,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21"You're more likely to be killed on the drive to the airport
0:04:21 > 0:04:24"than on the plane itself."
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Then I thought, "Well, yes, that's true,
0:04:26 > 0:04:28"because she's full of red wine and Valium.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30"And she's driving."
0:04:32 > 0:04:36I think people who are scared of flying must be at their best if the shit does hit the fan.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40They'd quite happily die being right, wouldn't they?
0:04:41 > 0:04:45The plane is plummeting, everyone's screaming, and they're going, "Thank you!"
0:04:47 > 0:04:50I tell you what the best travel shows on television are -
0:04:50 > 0:04:52anything by Michael Palin.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Did you see his latest one?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Michael Palin's Brazilian. I think that's what it's called.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00He's done so many travel programmes
0:05:00 > 0:05:03that now at Heathrow Airport, there are three queues -
0:05:03 > 0:05:04EU, non-EU
0:05:04 > 0:05:05and Michael Palin.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Michael Palin must be sick of travelling now, mustn't he?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Do you think his next series, he'll just say,
0:05:12 > 0:05:14"I've got me sandwiches. I'm just going to stay on the coach"?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Do you know what, maybe I'll just ask him myself,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21because he's here. Please welcome actor, writer, comedian,
0:05:21 > 0:05:24TV presenter and national treasure...Michael Palin.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26CHEERING
0:05:34 > 0:05:35- Hello.- Hello.
0:05:35 > 0:05:41Now, you've been to... You've been round the world. You've been to Brazil, like we talked about.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43You've been to the North and South Pole, the Himalayas...
0:05:43 > 0:05:47What's the biggest Toblerone you've ever had?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Have you had one of the huge Toblerones?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- No, I haven't had one of the very big ones.- Really?- No.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57You should treat yourself.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59How big do they get?
0:05:59 > 0:06:00About that.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I mean...so I've heard.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Is that when it's fully...?
0:06:08 > 0:06:09That's the...?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13You mean when it's not on the slack?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17An aroused Toblerone. That's an awful thought!
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Pretty awesome thought.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Now, you're one of the world's most intrepid travellers.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27What I would like to ask you most
0:06:27 > 0:06:28- is...- I know it's going to be rude.
0:06:31 > 0:06:32You don't know that.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Is it true you can't go to the toilet on a train when it's in the station?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Well, you can,
0:06:42 > 0:06:46but it just lies there on Platform 3 for a while.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48It's not very nice for the people about to get on the train.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I'm not bothered.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Do you think travelling men make better lovers
0:06:55 > 0:06:57because they're good at finding stuff?
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Finding what?
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Oh, really?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Finding their way around?
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Poor Mrs Palin!
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Probably.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Probably. You'd have to ask her.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Oh, no, don't, actually!
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Now, if I go away for a decent length of time,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24like a month or something,
0:07:24 > 0:07:27then I'll take my slippers and my favourite mug.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Have you got any creature comforts that you like to take away with you?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Um...not really.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34I mean...toilet rolls,
0:07:34 > 0:07:37because places I go to, you need them.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41And would that be like a multipack, or...?
0:07:42 > 0:07:46No, the best thing is a flat pack. You know? You can't...
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Have you got to just sit for hours before you go,
0:07:48 > 0:07:50just tearing it all up?
0:07:56 > 0:07:57"Pass us that other roll!"
0:08:01 > 0:08:03You've been almost everywhere around the world.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Can you show me on this globe
0:08:05 > 0:08:08where you've had the shits?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Well, you can see, because it's not been cleaned off...
0:08:22 > 0:08:24And you thought that was the Sahara Desert!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28I'm asking a lot of questions here, aren't I?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Did you expect the Spanish Inquisition?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
0:08:37 > 0:08:42What I'd like to know is, have you ever sat on the baggage carousel and just gone all the way round?
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Yeah, actually...
0:08:45 > 0:08:46It's always tempting.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48- Actually, I have.- No!- Yeah.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51On A Fish Called Wanda.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55There's a bit where I'm on the... Playing Ken...
0:08:55 > 0:08:59and I'm making a getaway and I get onto the baggage carousel at Heathrow.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01And it goes along, and then I go down a chute...
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I don't know quite why, but I did it.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06You're generally known - and I think you've proved it tonight -
0:09:06 > 0:09:08as a very nice man, aren't you?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10You are!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Have you ever been...
0:09:13 > 0:09:15a dick?
0:09:26 > 0:09:29I heard a story about a journalist. Is this true?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31About your house. Is that true?
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Oh, well, yeah,
0:09:32 > 0:09:35that's often quoted as a time I lost my temper.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- I wouldn't say I was a dick. I lost my temper. - Well, maybe I'll be the judge.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Oh, it was about
0:09:44 > 0:09:48early 1980s. Two guys came round to interview me
0:09:48 > 0:09:52about my film The Missionary, or something like that.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55And...I don't know, they were just very
0:09:55 > 0:09:57sort of...
0:09:58 > 0:10:01..poncy, pretentious clever dicks, really.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03And I walked out of the interview.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05But it was my own house, unfortunately.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08This was the problem.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I left them in the room and I was going downstairs.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14"Oh, actually, hang on. I've done that the wrong way round."
0:10:15 > 0:10:19So I went out - bang! - slammed the door and went out into the street.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21They were in there...
0:10:21 > 0:10:23with my wife!
0:10:25 > 0:10:29And finally, are you still a lumberjack, and are you OK?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Yeah!
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37I go to the lavatory.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43SPEAKS GERMAN
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- That's the German version of the Lumberjack Song.- Wow!
0:10:46 > 0:10:50CONTINUES IN GERMAN
0:10:58 > 0:11:01You have been such a wonderful guest. Thank you very much.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Ladies and gentlemen - Michael Palin.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:11 > 0:11:13He is the nicest man in Britain. I think it's true.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17I grew up watching television and apparently, children still do.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22And lucky for them, there's a lot of children's television out there.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25It was nice to see all our favourite faces of kids' TV
0:11:25 > 0:11:29making a comeback this year in that programme. What's it called?
0:11:29 > 0:11:30The news.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44My friend bought me one of the Bagpuss mice when I got divorced.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48"We will fix it, we will mend it!"
0:11:48 > 0:11:52Apparently, Relate don't accept "fix it with glue"
0:11:52 > 0:11:54as a valid counselling method.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Bagpuss these days is something you usually see on Embarrassing Bodies.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I miss kids' TV.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Danger Mouse was known as DM, wasn't he?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Kids these days wonder why there's a direct message mouse.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19I had a look at the listings to see what kids are watching these days.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21There's Grandpa In Your Pocket.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I know they shrink as they get older,
0:12:23 > 0:12:25but that's ridiculous.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28In The Night Garden is a bit iffy, isn't it?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Here are some of the episode titles.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Ninky Nonk Wants A Kiss.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40My Ninky Nonk always wants a kiss.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Everybody All Aboard The Ninky Nonk.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57All aboard?! At least form a queue!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Iggle Piggle's Mucky Patch.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Washing The Haahoos.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Where Is The Pinky Ponk Going?
0:13:08 > 0:13:13It's always good to wash the Haahoo before the Ninky Nonk gets kissed.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Especially if everyone is all aboard it.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20And you don't know where the Pinky Ponk is going.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24How are kids supposed to follow that?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26That's like Game Of Thrones for toddlers.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I could be a Blue Peter presenter,
0:13:30 > 0:13:32if they want an old one to stay in the studio
0:13:32 > 0:13:35to look after all the pets while they're out bungee-jumping.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Someone has to stay in for the delivery of the sticky-backed plastic.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Keep checking the tortoises aren't dead.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I once made a swing for my doll off Blue Peter.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48And it was so shit and stressful
0:13:48 > 0:13:51that my mam and dad took me out and bought me one.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55So the next week, I made a dog.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03What I'd like to do now is find out more about the world of children's television,
0:14:03 > 0:14:07and who better to tell me about it than the 33rd presenter of Blue Peter?
0:14:07 > 0:14:10She's the sort of girl who picked me last for netball.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Please welcome Helen Skelton!
0:14:13 > 0:14:14CHEERING
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Thank you so much for joining us by Skype
0:14:21 > 0:14:25from a Blue Peter assignment in Exeter.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27I'd like to say we're in a glamorous location,
0:14:27 > 0:14:30but I'm in a hotel we've blagged our way into
0:14:30 > 0:14:32so that I can talk to you.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33My life is a series of Premier Inns.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Oh, bless you!
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Now, how many times a day do you get asked for a Blue Peter badge?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42About 50.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Can I have a Blue Peter badge?
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Depends. If you make that swing for your doll again, we'll assess it.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Do you have to take the Blue Peter animals home?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57The dog's mine.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- Oh, is it?- Yeah, the dog
0:14:59 > 0:15:01that's on the show at the minute, Barney the dog,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04he's my dog, so he comes home with me.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I liked that you called him Barney the dog.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Is that his surname?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13I call him that because the other presenter's called Barney as well.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Oh, of course!
0:15:14 > 0:15:18But you would think you wouldn't get a person and a dog mixed up very often.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20"Oh, have you done a shit on the floor again, Barney?!"
0:15:20 > 0:15:23"Which one do you mean?"
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Now, you've done a lot of work with the Guides, haven't you?
0:15:26 > 0:15:30- Yes.- I was in the Brownies for a week.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34The only bit I liked was the tuck shop at the end.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37But at least I got my diabetes badge, which is good.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Did they give you any badges when you worked with the Guides?
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Um...no, because, do you know what,
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I have worked with the Guides since I joined Blue Peter
0:15:47 > 0:15:49and I do their concert, which is brilliant,
0:15:49 > 0:15:52but when I was actually a Guide, I got thrown out,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54because we were playing hide and seek one week
0:15:54 > 0:15:56and my hiding place was so good,
0:15:56 > 0:15:58they had to get the police out to look for me.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Now, you travelled 2,000 miles down the Amazon River
0:16:06 > 0:16:08for Sport Relief.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10I heard you were kayaking it.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11I was!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14I'd have been nervous too - don't feel bad.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24Now, what do you turn down, if this is the sort of thing you say yes to?
0:16:26 > 0:16:28I hate singing and dancing.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30I'm terrible at singing and dancing.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32The trouble with Blue Peter is
0:16:32 > 0:16:34they make you do the things you don't like doing.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36So you've kind of got to pretend you're really into it.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39I stupidly said that I'm scared of rats,
0:16:39 > 0:16:41so they buried me in a coffin of rats at work.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44Oh, my God!
0:16:44 > 0:16:46I was freaking out - it was awful!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49So did nobody tip you off? Because now you've tipped me off,
0:16:49 > 0:16:53I'd probably say, "Oh, I hate being sat in a trifle."
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Now, you're quite small, aren't you? How tall are you?
0:16:58 > 0:17:005 foot 3.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03You're quite small. Are you over-compensating, do you think?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06I think it's a fine line between brave and stupid with me.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09If I'm honest, when I said, "Let's go to the Amazon,"
0:17:09 > 0:17:11my boss said, "Do a bit of it." I went, "Let's do it all!"
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Then I had to go and look at the map.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I didn't realise how big it was. It goes across the whole continent!
0:17:19 > 0:17:22You did a Royal Marine endurance course, didn't you?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25That's why I'm in Exeter now.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28How many Royal Marines did you endure?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I'm the only girl on the whole site.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40You're going to be knackered.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Thank you for being such a great guest.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59If you weren't so nice, I'd bloody hate you. Ladies and gentlemen - Helen Skelton!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Another thing I love on telly are antiques shows.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13I'm very into antiques.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16I've got biscuits in my house that are up to three hours old.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Well, two hours.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22I was out for a while and it's a big packet.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Flog It! is where people find stuff in their home
0:18:25 > 0:18:27to sell for as much as possible.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Much the same as heroin addicts.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Bargain Hunt used to be presented by David Dickinson.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38I don't know what age he is.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Bronze, I think.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47I don't understand the Antiques Roadshow.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49If I wanted to watch greedy people in a queue,
0:18:49 > 0:18:51I'd just stay in Greggs.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Going on the Antiques Roadshow is a bit like going to an STD clinic, isn't it?
0:19:00 > 0:19:03They ask you, "Where did you pick this up?"
0:19:05 > 0:19:07"How long have you had it?"
0:19:07 > 0:19:08"Do you mind if I look at the bottom?"
0:19:13 > 0:19:15I like it when the punters bring something in and say,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18"We've had this in a box for 120 years
0:19:18 > 0:19:20"and we can't work out what it does."
0:19:20 > 0:19:22It's a tortoise.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37Antiques Roadshow must be like sticker collecting for the Queen.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41She must sit in front of it going, "Got. Got. Need. Got.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43"Swapsies."
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Do you think in years to come someone will bring on a Rampant Rabbit?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54"Yes, it's been in the family."
0:19:57 > 0:19:58"I think it was me grandma's."
0:20:00 > 0:20:03"Yes, we still use it. Just on special occasions."
0:20:05 > 0:20:08I'm not sure you can trust what the experts are saying.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11If they say, "It must have great sentimental value,"
0:20:11 > 0:20:12it's worth nothing.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16If they say, "You'd never want to sell it, would you?"
0:20:16 > 0:20:18it's worth nothing.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20But when they say,
0:20:20 > 0:20:22"It's priceless to you,"
0:20:22 > 0:20:24it's worth nothing.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30Here are some things I'd like them to say on the Antiques Roadshow.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33"We found this in the attic. We don't know what it is."
0:20:33 > 0:20:35"It's your boiler. Put it back."
0:20:42 > 0:20:46"Today I brought along something that's been on the shelf for 30 years."
0:20:46 > 0:20:48"It's me Auntie Kathleen."
0:20:49 > 0:20:53"Today I brought along something that's been in the closet for 30 years."
0:20:53 > 0:20:55"It's me Auntie Kathleen."
0:20:56 > 0:20:58She's still got the original box.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11I want to find out more about antiques,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14so I thought I should speak to one of the best in the business.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Please welcome the host of BBC1's Bargain Hunt -
0:21:16 > 0:21:17it's Tim Wonnacott.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26- Hello!- Hello!
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Now, Bargain Hunt is on its 32nd series.
0:21:29 > 0:21:36Yes. I will make this year my 1,000th edition of Bargain Hunt.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Wow! And are the early ones quite valuable now?- Yeah!
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Only if they're mint and boxed.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Let's have a little look at you in action.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48What do you think about this little treasure?
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Little is the word, isn't it?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54It's a kind of little novelty, is this thing.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56I love it because the silver
0:21:56 > 0:22:01has been embossed with this diagonal raised stripe,
0:22:01 > 0:22:03which means it's easy to grip,
0:22:03 > 0:22:05and of course it does beg the question...
0:22:05 > 0:22:08what exactly is this brush used for?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10My best guess is
0:22:10 > 0:22:12that it's a muff brush.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17Every well-dressed woman at the end of the 19th century
0:22:17 > 0:22:21would have had a muff to keep her hands warm in during winter,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23and she'd have used a muff brush
0:22:23 > 0:22:26to give her little muff a little dusting over.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38You're SO good at keeping a straight face.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40You must have known the dual meaning of the word.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- Oh, yes.- Yes.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Now, you're in quite good condition, aren't you?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47I beg your pardon?
0:22:47 > 0:22:49You're in quite good condition,
0:22:49 > 0:22:52and I think if we cleaned you up a bit and scraped you down,
0:22:52 > 0:22:55then you would be quite collectable.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59Well, there's a degree of restoration that could be done, that's true.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- Oh, really?!- Yes.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03I like that!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Do you still have your original drawers?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12They're all impeccably lined, I can promise you.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15He's good! Isn't he good?
0:23:16 > 0:23:18How often do you polish your tallboy?
0:23:28 > 0:23:32I have a large, but beautifully proportioned, chest.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Would you like to appraise it?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40That's my usual chat-up line.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Yes.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44What I really want to know is,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47are Happy Meal toys actually worth anything?
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Or is that just rubbish,
0:23:49 > 0:23:51like the thing with the Beanie Babies?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Happy Male toys?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Happy Meal, not Happy Male.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58What's a Happy Meal toy?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I know what a happy male is.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05I have to say I'm not a Happy Meal toy expert valuer.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I'd have to go to a person who knew more about it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Some large person.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Understood!- Probably.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16What's your house like? I imagine it's like me on Boxing Day -
0:24:16 > 0:24:18just full of crap you can't shift.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Um, I regard it as a lot of treasures, actually.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29- But, yeah, I'm afraid it's a fair old crush.- Really?
0:24:29 > 0:24:32- Mm-hm.- Thank you so much, Tim.
0:24:32 > 0:24:33You've been really great.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36But I couldn't let you go
0:24:36 > 0:24:41without asking you to give me a valuation on a few bits of mine. Is that all right?
0:24:41 > 0:24:45- You've brought your bits with you? - I've brought me bits with us. Do you mind?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47This is an invitation I can't refuse.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Ladies and gentlemen - Tim Wonnacott.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Beep-beep! Beep-beep!
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Excuse me! Thank you.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Thank you.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Thanks for doing this, Tim. I'm not an expert like you,
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- but I think I have got a good eye. You don't mind this, do you?- No.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17It's meat and drink.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Let's start with this one.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22To be honest, this has been hanging on my downstairs loo wall.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24What do you think?
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Well...
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I like the way his nipples follow you around the room.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I don't fancy it's going to be a huge seller, frankly.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- Really?- No. What's next?
0:25:37 > 0:25:38OK. Harsh.
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Um...
0:25:39 > 0:25:41I've got some furniture.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Scandinavian in origin, I think.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Now, these Danish designs are very, very popular.
0:25:47 > 0:25:52OK. Well, it's still in the original box, as you can see.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56It's never been assembled. Mint condition.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58What do you think?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01I don't think it's quite my cup of tea, thanks very much.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02- OK.- Thank you.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Well, I've still got a few bits.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- Get your swag bag.- Get me bag out.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09I've got a dead parrot here.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12It's a Norwegian Blue.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Lovely plumage.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Excuse me!
0:26:22 > 0:26:23Oi!
0:26:28 > 0:26:29Now what?!
0:26:31 > 0:26:35I've got... This is Cliff Richard's Wired For Sound.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37It's a classic from 1981.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39It's my favourite record of all time.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Cliff!
0:26:41 > 0:26:42Yes.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45And that would be just priceless for you, wouldn't it?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55I have got one more thing.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Uh-oh.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00Um...
0:27:18 > 0:27:20This is my muff brush.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26I can do a little demonstration,
0:27:26 > 0:27:28because you were a bit puzzled before.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Like a downward motion...
0:27:32 > 0:27:34But all the way out, to get all the mats out.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Like that.
0:27:36 > 0:27:37What do you think?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Your muff brush
0:27:39 > 0:27:41is a good deal bigger than mine.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Do you think it might be worth something?
0:27:45 > 0:27:46It is now!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Just hold it by the handle, cos it's still a bit...
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Yes, exactly.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Thank you very much for coming on the show.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Ladies and gentlemen - Tim Wonnacott.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:19 > 0:28:21I was not expecting that!
0:28:21 > 0:28:23That's it for tonight.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Unfortunately, we didn't have time to talk about
0:28:25 > 0:28:27the Antiques Road Trip.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30Or as it's also known, the Rolling Stones on tour.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33The Muppets - felt animals.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Oh, no, not animals as well!
0:28:40 > 0:28:42And Undiscovered Mummies.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45Or as it's more commonly known, Jeremy Kyle. Good night.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd