0:00:18 > 0:00:20APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Hello. Welcome to The Sarah Millican Television Programme!
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Now, I'm sure everyone watching this show has a TV licence
0:00:48 > 0:00:51because you can go to prison if you haven't got one.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53That would be a really rubbish conversation.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56"What are you in for?" "Murder. What about you?"
0:00:56 > 0:00:59"Six episodes of EastEnders.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01"Although that was murder."
0:01:02 > 0:01:06I think you should be able to get points on your TV licence.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Got up early to watch Jeremy Kyle? Three points.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Accidentally deleted that episode of Bake Off
0:01:13 > 0:01:17where Paul Hollywood says, "Caress the dough with your fingers like a lover"?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Six points!
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Top Gear on "Series Like"?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Lifetime ban.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35American shows are all the rage on our telly at the moment, aren't they?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Mad Men is a very successful series,
0:01:38 > 0:01:40but weird to watch with an older generation.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Cos I get the impression we're taking different things from it.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47I'm thinking, "Isn't it terrible the way they treated women back then?"
0:01:47 > 0:01:49While me Uncle Terry's thinking,
0:01:49 > 0:01:51"Ah, those were the days!"
0:01:54 > 0:01:5624 had the time on the screen.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00The only other place you get that over here is on breakfast telly.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03I'd love to see Jack Bauer throwing to the weather!
0:02:06 > 0:02:09We've all learned how to speak American from television, haven't we?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Some of the words are quite confusing, though.
0:02:11 > 0:02:16For example, you might not know that the word "scrumping", which to us means stealing apples,
0:02:16 > 0:02:19in America, it means dry humping.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Imagine getting those two mixed up!
0:02:27 > 0:02:29And ending up with loads of apples!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Here are some other ones that I've learned.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36They say sidewalk,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38we say crab.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45You might not know all of these.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47They say eggplant,
0:02:47 > 0:02:49we say chicken.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56They say ice box,
0:02:56 > 0:02:58we say guest bedroom.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11They say gas,
0:03:11 > 0:03:13we say, "Sorry about that."
0:03:16 > 0:03:18They say, "Have a nice day."
0:03:18 > 0:03:20We say, "What are you looking at?"
0:03:22 > 0:03:25They say lady bug,
0:03:25 > 0:03:27we say Chlamydia.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Of course, one of the best shows to come out of America is Homeland.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Essentially, it's a woman trying to work out if a bloke is lying to her.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47I'll save you the trouble, love. Probably.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Damien Lewis plays a character who was kept as a hostage in the desert,
0:03:54 > 0:03:56locked up inside for eight years.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Well, inside is the best place for him.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00It's hot out there and he's awfully ginger!
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I think the British version of Homeland would be very different,
0:04:07 > 0:04:10cos our Government's so unpopular.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12They'd say, "We've only got five minutes to save the prime minister.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16"I'll write a letter to the army to get help."
0:04:18 > 0:04:21They're always talking about moles as well, aren't they?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24When did moles get this reputation?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27How effective can a spy be if it's blind?
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Personally, I've never trusted stoats.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37There's a lot of obsession with wires, as well.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I'm always wired. Well, underwired.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43I'd like to see that show!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46The Underwire. "It's a war.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49"A war between discomfort and tits on your knees."
0:05:00 > 0:05:04I've decided my mission is to find out everything about the show,
0:05:04 > 0:05:10so here to face my interrogation is Homeland's Director of CIA counter-terrorism, David Harewood.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Hello!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Hello!
0:05:21 > 0:05:26Now, you're a very successful stage and screen actor.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- So I've got one main question for you.- Go on.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Why don't you do more shows with your top off?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Mainly because nobody asks me!
0:05:42 > 0:05:47- Oh?- I would...- There's women in the audience going, "Go on, ask him! Bloody ask him!"
0:05:49 > 0:05:51No. Maybe later.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- Your character is under permanent threat of attack.- Mm.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58What's it like living in Streatham?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04You know, I love it, because it's so unpretentious.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07You know, I'm not very pretentious myself,
0:06:07 > 0:06:12so one minute I'm kind of flying off to LA and walking past palm trees
0:06:12 > 0:06:16and plastic surgeons, there's a plastic surgeon just opposite the hotel.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18And the next minute you're on a plane and back in Streatham
0:06:18 > 0:06:20and you're walking past Greggs and W.H.Smith's.
0:06:20 > 0:06:26And I love that. I think it's a great kind of... It's a great leveller.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Is there really a Greggs next door to Smith's?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Yes. In Streatham, not in Hollywood.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36No, no. Because you could get your pasty and a "Take a Break" and then you're done.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- Yes.- That's amazing.- Yeah.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- I'd not thought of moving to Streatham.- I do love a Greggs pasty.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45I like the sausage, bean and cheese melt.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50It makes me feel dirty in a really good way.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Totally bad.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Now, Claire Danes did a lot of snot acting, didn't she?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00She did, yeah. She cried a lot.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Do you think that's the main factor of the show's success?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- Her snot?- Was it her snot,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10or did somebody come on and like dab snot on?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- It was fake snot.- It was fake?!- Yes.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Is there like a snot wrangler?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21So the snot wrangler comes in and just dabs it all over your face!
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Somebody out the back with a cold, just providing it.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26What?
0:07:27 > 0:07:31Are people surprised that you're British when they've seen you in that show?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33British people are surprised that I'm British. That's the scary...
0:07:33 > 0:07:38The scary thing is I meet people in the street and they say, "What are you doing here? You're American."
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- And I say, "No, I'm British." - It's a nice compliment, though?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43I've been working here for 25 years!
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Do you ever worry that your Brummie accent is going to come out?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53BRUMMIE ACCENT: No, not really. I try...
0:07:53 > 0:07:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:59 > 0:08:03No, not really? Can you teach me to do an American accent?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- Are there tricks to this? - There are tricks to it.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09There are certain words that you find very... They're key words.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- OK.- So I want you to say, "Water, butter, weather."
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- GEORDIE ACCENT:- Water, butter, weather.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19You're not supposed to be laughing at me in this!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- Water, butter, weather.- This is going to be more difficult than I thought!
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Now I want you to say...
0:08:25 > 0:08:27AMERICAN ACCENT: Water.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Water.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31CHEERING
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- AMERICAN ACCENTS: Butter.- Butter.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Weather.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- GEORDIE:- Weather. Weather.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- I slipped, didn't I?- You did. AMERICAN:- Weather.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Water, butter, weather.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49That was very... That was very...
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Very, very sexy, as well.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Oh, thanks!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Do you know the tricks for Geordie?
0:08:55 > 0:08:58There are some words that are massively Geordie.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00See if you like this.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- STRONG GEORDIE ACCENT:- Antibiotics.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- Can you do that?- Antibiot...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- Antibiotics.- Antibiot... Biotics?
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I can't say that's so sexy!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- Try another one.- Go on.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Wonky risotto.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18GEORDIE ACCENT: Wonky risotto?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21He's very good, isn't he? Wonky risotto.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22I need more time!
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Waterboarding.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Is it more fun than skiing?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30And...
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Cos I think it's my least favourite of the water sports.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36Which is your favourite?
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- Of all the water sports?- Yeah.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Bath.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52- Your character oversaw a good few lie detector tests.- Mm.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53Have you ever taken one yourself?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56No, I've never... But I used to be quite a good liar.
0:09:56 > 0:10:01- Oh, really?- Mm. I was a very good liar, back in the day.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Especially with the ladies. Sorry, girls.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- So you've never taken a lie detector test?- No.- No.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- Not a real one.- Are you enjoying this interview?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Yes.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24It's broken. It's broken!
0:10:26 > 0:10:31You've been an amazing guest. Thanks for coming on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, David Harewood.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Now, there are certain types of telly programmes
0:10:44 > 0:10:47that really start to appeal as you get older
0:10:47 > 0:10:49and gardening shows are one of them.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54Gardeners' World features someone called Bob Flowerdew.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56What a name for a gardener!
0:10:56 > 0:11:01If he worked in most gardens, he'd be called Kevin Cat-shit!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I love watching those transformation garden shows.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14"We've only got two days to totally transform this garden!
0:11:14 > 0:11:17"Otherwise it's gonna take three days!"
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Apparently, you can get rid of slugs with beer.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26If they end up pissed and a bit clingy,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28just leave a kebab out with a bit of salt on it.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34One tip I read was to put Vaseline on bird-house poles.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Now I just have a garden full of lubed-up squirrels!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Apparently, and this is true,
0:11:43 > 0:11:45if you have lion poo in your garden,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48it stops wildlife digging up all your valuable plants.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53Personally, I'd say if you've got lions shitting in your garden,
0:11:53 > 0:11:57you've got bigger problems than a few dead shrubs!
0:11:58 > 0:12:01"Oh, there goes another postman!
0:12:01 > 0:12:04"It's a pity. I thought he'd be able to run faster than that!
0:12:04 > 0:12:08"Maybe it's the catalogues that slowed him down."
0:12:10 > 0:12:13I've just bought a strimmer for clearing the undergrowth.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Lady Shave just wasn't robust enough.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32There are some plants that are poisonous and shouldn't be eaten under any circumstances.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35I call them vegetables.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40My friend and her horrible husband
0:12:40 > 0:12:43had a huge row about their patio makeover.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47I asked her what he was so angry about and she said, "He wants decking."
0:12:47 > 0:12:50I said, "I couldn't agree more, but what's he angry about?"
0:12:56 > 0:13:01Well, I need some help on this, so please welcome top television gardener Diarmuid Gavin!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Hello, love. How are you?
0:13:11 > 0:13:15- I'm great, Sarah. How are you? - I'm good. Thanks for coming on the show, love.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Now, how would you tend my lady garden?
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Describe it to me. Is it unruly or is it beautifully manicured?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27It's um...
0:13:30 > 0:13:32It needs a bit of work.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36And it might be a two-man job!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- What's the...- I can do the work of three men!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48You bring Titchmarsh and Monty and we'll talk!
0:13:51 > 0:13:54What makes something a weed, and how can I tell?
0:13:54 > 0:13:56What's the difference between a weed and a plant?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00There is no difference. A weed is just a plant growing in a place you don't want it.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03So something growing where you don't want it to grow?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Apparently, a common problem is planting too deep.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Now, that surprises me cos I didn't think you could go too deep.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17What are you planting?
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Oh, now it's a proper question about gardening. Um...
0:14:26 > 0:14:27A man's cock.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39I just say, "Go all the way until it stops."
0:14:39 > 0:14:44OK. In bulbs, a lot of people ask that question for bulbs.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46So twice the depth of the bulb
0:14:46 > 0:14:48and it'll always go towards the light.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Just like a man's...
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I did not know that about a man's...
0:14:58 > 0:15:00..bulb.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04How long does it take you to harden off?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21It depends on who's asking!
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Have you ever dug up anything odd in a garden?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28I dug up a cat, once.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Was it dead?
0:15:34 > 0:15:35It was.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38And the lady had told me she'd buried the cat in the garden,
0:15:38 > 0:15:40and I just forgot where.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43So, up it came with the digger.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Now, how can I tell if a trampoline will take my weight?
0:15:50 > 0:15:54We just put a trampoline in our garden. If it takes me, it'll take you.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56It'll even take the two of us.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58- Oh, OK! - AUDIENCE:- Wooo!
0:15:58 > 0:16:00That's a weird offer, but I'm up for it.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Now, we're all being asked to save rainwater.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Do you like big butts - and you cannot lie!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Yes!
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Seeing as you asked so nicely.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28What is the correct position in a garden for a semi-deflated Space Hopper?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Cos I've got one and I don't know where to put it.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Is Space Hopper a kind of euphemism?
0:16:40 > 0:16:41No.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46I don't know what it would be a euphemism for!
0:16:47 > 0:16:52It's just like an inflatable thing. It's got ears that you hold on to!
0:16:52 > 0:16:57I've never realised how ridiculous a Space Hopper sounds when you describe it.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59You sit on it and then you bounce along.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04- You blow this thing up?- Yes. - You sit on it?- Sit on it.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06You hold onto its ears.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08- Then you...- You bounce along.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Are you on one now?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I don't believe you just made me describe a Space Hopper!
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Has your wife ever imposed a hosepipe ban?
0:17:36 > 0:17:40It's been lovely having you on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, Diarmuid Gavin!
0:17:50 > 0:17:55So I'm starting to like gardening programmes and shows for older people,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58but I can still enjoy a bit of youth TV.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02On Cribs, a camera crew is shown around a celebrity's house.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Often, it's not even their house,
0:18:04 > 0:18:06which must be tricky when you're showing people round.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09"This is the...lounge.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11"This is the en-suite...
0:18:11 > 0:18:13"kitchen.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15"This is the wardrobe where I keep all of my...
0:18:15 > 0:18:17"gimp.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22"This is the...dungeon
0:18:22 > 0:18:24"where we keep the wine."
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Catfish is a show that follows people on the internet
0:18:28 > 0:18:31who are having relationships with other people on the internet
0:18:31 > 0:18:33who are lying about who they are.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36You can tell straight away. Too many jobs.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39"Oh, he's lovely. He's a rapper
0:18:39 > 0:18:41"and a male model
0:18:41 > 0:18:42"and a footballer
0:18:42 > 0:18:44"and a cowboy.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47"Some people call him Maurice."
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Woo-hoo.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01One of my favourite shows this year was The Big Reunion,
0:19:01 > 0:19:05where they reunited '90s pop bands for one last concert/tour.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Old, awesome bands.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10A couple of new faces.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Same people, just new faces.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Surely the most offensive thing isn't being asked to do the show,
0:19:17 > 0:19:19it's being asked when you're still going.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Your manager rings you. "Good news. I've got you on that Big Reunion."
0:19:22 > 0:19:25"But we're still together!"
0:19:25 > 0:19:27"Ah, shit. Sorry, lads, I didn't know."
0:19:29 > 0:19:33But if you like people singing on TV, there's nothing better than Glee.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37Glee couldn't be any camper if Dale Winton turned up singing ABBA songs
0:19:37 > 0:19:40while wearing sequinned, bum-less, cowboy chaps!
0:19:44 > 0:19:46If they had a British version, it would be called Glum.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51A bunch of talented losers who don't end up doing anything
0:19:51 > 0:19:54because after-school-club funding has been cut.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57While friends of Glee are called Gleeks,
0:19:57 > 0:20:01fans of Glum would be called Glunts.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11I love watching Glee, but I can't watch it with my boyfriend
0:20:11 > 0:20:14because he doesn't understand that sometimes a band just appears out of nowhere.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16He'll watch Game of Thrones
0:20:16 > 0:20:19and find all that fantasy nonsense totally feasible,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22but "Where did the band come from?
0:20:22 > 0:20:26"They weren't there before. And no-one ever thanks them."
0:20:27 > 0:20:30What I'd like to do is find out more about my favourite show
0:20:30 > 0:20:33so please welcome all the way from Glee Club, Matthew Morrison.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Hello!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Now, Glee is my favourite show, so the question I have to ask you is,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50"Are you really here?"
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Um, yes, I'm really here.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57But my name is Matthew, not Will.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01In real life, I'm not the kind of guy who hangs out around high schools!
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- Bet you're glad to hear that.- That's probably for the best. Fair enough!
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I love Glee. I love all the singing and all the dancing.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12But tell me, how do you get your curls so tight?
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- You've got a bloody good head of hair on you!- Thank you.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18I thank my mom for that.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- Does she blow dry it for you? - She does.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Now, is it true you only ate potatoes
0:21:26 > 0:21:29so that you could get a six-pack?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31That was a diet you did? Is that true?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33- Sweet potatoes.- Oh, shit!
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Did you try it? Did you decide to do that?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Just chips every day!
0:21:43 > 0:21:46To be honest, it wasn't much of a change from what I was doing before.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Um, can I smell you?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52That was just...
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Which part of me would you like to smell?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Like a neck would do.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- Is that OK?- I'll come to you. I'll come to you.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05AUDIENCE: Wooo!
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Shut up!
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Ooh, that's nice. That's nice.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15It's slightly overtaken by that!
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Woo!
0:22:21 > 0:22:22Wowsers!
0:22:22 > 0:22:24I got two smells there!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28I'm not going to say which one I preferred!
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Can I touch you?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Sorry, that's fine. It's fine.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Now, you did a gig at the White House for the Obamas.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40That must have been terrifying.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44It was at Christmas time and I did a Hawaiian Christmas song
0:22:44 > 0:22:47- because he's from Hawaii.- So you sucked up to him properly!
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- Absolutely.- Now, Obama gave you a hug afterwards.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52How did that feel? Did you just feel really safe?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- Does he give good hug?- He does.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57When Obama is in the room, he is the coolest guy in the room.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Like, hands down, he is just a really cool guy.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02It was a cool hug.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Was it a bit too long? Did you hold on for a bit too long?
0:23:05 > 0:23:09No, because you get a Secret Service member pulling you off right away.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Wow, they pull you off, as well?!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Good gracious!
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Now, do you think I would make it at Glee Club?
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Nope.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Could I not even help tidy up after Glee Club?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Don't even audition.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Hey, I meant to say, "Don't stop believing."
0:23:40 > 0:23:46But I think I could fit in really well, cos I'm a bit of an outcast
0:23:46 > 0:23:49and I wear glasses, and that's it, isn't it?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- Is that it?- You're an outcast with your own damn TV show?!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Oh, yeah! Ah!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Let's hope the people from school are watching!
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Do you think so?
0:24:08 > 0:24:11My favourite song is Cliff Richard's Wired For Sound.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13LAUGHTER
0:24:13 > 0:24:15I don't think I know that one.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- You don't know...- I don't know that one.- You know Cliff Richard?
0:24:18 > 0:24:20SHE GASPS
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Oh, damn! I'm in trouble, huh?
0:24:23 > 0:24:27Oh, my God! Have you... You've never heard of Cliff Richard?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- Afraid not.- He's like our Elvis!
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Obviously!
0:24:31 > 0:24:34I'm gonna get booed off stage in a second!
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Now, you do a bit of break-dancing, don't you?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- I did.- You did?- Back in the day.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I call it broke-dancing, now.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Because every time I do it, like I'm older now
0:24:45 > 0:24:48so my back hurts the next day. It's not a good thing.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Can you... I mostly dance sitting down, especially when I'm driving.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Can you give me any tips for sit-down dancing?
0:24:54 > 0:24:59Sit-down dancing? Like the roll of a wave, just like this.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00You know?
0:25:00 > 0:25:03But if you're driving, you might go...
0:25:03 > 0:25:08- I could do it. And if I've got the window open, I could get it all the way out!- Yes.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Like that? Like that?
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Woo-oo-oo!
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I'm properly shit at this.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18- I don't think... - LOUD POPPING SOUND - What was that?!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20- Nothing!- What happened there?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22You just kind of turn me on a little bit.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33You appeared in a TV movie called Once Upon a Mattress.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35- I did.- Was it a porno?
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Was the full title Once Upon a Mattress and Twice Against a Wall?
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Ah!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- Are you a karaoke king on a night out?- No.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Not at all?
0:25:53 > 0:25:54No.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58When I do karaoke, I do it in a private booth.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00OK. I bet you do!
0:26:00 > 0:26:05It's not the only thing I do in a private booth, but save that for later.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08But I like the small speakers and I like the tall speakers.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10And, uh,
0:26:10 > 0:26:12if they've got music,
0:26:12 > 0:26:14then they're wired for sound.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19# Walkin' about with a head full of music
0:26:19 > 0:26:23# Cassette in my pocket and I'm gonna use it - stereo
0:26:23 > 0:26:26# Out on the street you know
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# Wo-wo-wo wo-wo-wo
0:26:31 > 0:26:33# Into the car, go to work and I'm cruisin'
0:26:33 > 0:26:36# I never think that I'll blow all my fuses
0:26:36 > 0:26:38# Traffic flows
0:26:38 > 0:26:40# Into the breakfast show
0:26:40 > 0:26:43# Wo-wo-wo wo-wo-wo
0:26:45 > 0:26:47# Wo-wo-wo
0:26:47 > 0:26:52# Power from the needle to the plastic
0:26:52 > 0:26:58# AM, FM, I feel so ecstatic now
0:26:59 > 0:27:01# It's music I've found
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# And I'm wired for sound
0:27:06 > 0:27:10# Power from the needle to the plastic
0:27:10 > 0:27:17# AM, FM, I feel so ecstatic now
0:27:17 > 0:27:19# It's music I've found
0:27:19 > 0:27:22# And I'm wired for sound
0:27:24 > 0:27:26# I was a small boy
0:27:26 > 0:27:29# Who don't like his toys
0:27:29 > 0:27:32# And I could not wait to get...
0:27:32 > 0:27:35# Wired for sound. #
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Ladies and gentlemen, Matthew Morrison!
0:27:53 > 0:27:54Great!
0:27:57 > 0:28:01And for once, we're going to thank the bloody band!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Thank you, guys!
0:28:04 > 0:28:06And thank you, dancers!
0:28:08 > 0:28:11SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:28:12 > 0:28:14That's all we've got time for tonight.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Unfortunately, we haven't had time to talk about high school shows
0:28:17 > 0:28:19like Grange Hill - they never did songs.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Well, they did, but it was about heroin.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27They're bringing back Dawson's Creek. He's older now,
0:28:27 > 0:28:30and manages the creek with cod liver oil!
0:28:31 > 0:28:33We haven't had time to talk about The Wire.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37People complained they couldn't understand what was being said.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Southerners had the same problem with Byker Grove!
0:28:41 > 0:28:45And 24 - proof of what a bloke can get done in a day when he puts his mind to it!
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Good night!
0:29:10 > 0:29:13Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd