0:00:03 > 0:00:06- Hello?- Steve, it's Rob.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- Oh hey, hey.- How's the show going?
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Just finished. Just started the hiatus.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Yeah, I know. I spoke to your agent.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Listen, The Observer wants us to do more restaurant reviews.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19- Another six lunches.- Really? - But this time in Italy.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21La bella Italia, yeah?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- What do you think? - Well...
0:00:23 > 0:00:25They'll fly you to Europe.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28- First class?- No. They're offering business.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33This programme contains very strong language and adult humour.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34For you, sir.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36- Grazie Mille.- Prego.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Grazie. Sleep well last night?
0:00:39 > 0:00:44- Yeah, like a baby.- I didn't. Up worrying all night.- Why?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Been sent a script for an American film.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Got to put it on tape, get it back to them today.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51What's the part?
0:00:51 > 0:00:54The lead in a Michael Mann film.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- What? Really?- Yeah.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Well, it's a mafia film. One of the leads.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02He's a sort of an easily led sort of guy,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04who gets killed at the second act.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08- You're Welsh.- Lot of similarities between the Welsh and the Italians,
0:01:08 > 0:01:12- you know that.- No, there aren't. - Yes, there are. Both love singing.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Both short and swarthy. Both love ice cream.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17There's loads of Italians in Wales who run ice cream parlours.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- You winding me up?- No.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26So will you help me with the audition later?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29It's just an audition. It's not an offer, is it?
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- No, I've got to put myself on tape. So will you help me?- Right.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Help you and read the other part?
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- No, Alba's going to read the other part.- Who?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- Alba. The receptionist.- She's going to read the other part? How...
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Yeah, it's a woman's part. - How do you wangle that?- I asked her.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46We rehearsed last night.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50She'll read. I just need you to hold the camera.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51A nice shot.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55You're back?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58AMERICAN ACCENT: Working late, sorry. You want a drink?
0:01:58 > 0:02:02- I was already in bed.- Long night.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05When I used to imagine what we'd be doing ten years ago...
0:02:05 > 0:02:10- She'd be at school.- This is it. I love you. I love Izzy.
0:02:10 > 0:02:15I love this house. And now that we got it, I can't enjoy it.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17There's too much going on out there.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20My head has to be out there.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Why don't we just get away? Go to the lake house.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- Just a few days, like we used to? - I can't right now.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35That's, erm...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- Do you want to do it like that? - Why not?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39I think a sprinkling of Al Pacino would be good,
0:02:39 > 0:02:42but you...do you really want to be doing an impersonation?
0:02:42 > 0:02:44I want to do it like this.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Mind you, you might not recognise who you're doing.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51So, there might be some method in your madness.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Well, I'm a method actor.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58AS AL PACINO: There is method in my madness. That is Al.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59NORMAL VOICE: Al Pacino.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02AS AL PACINO: Not what I was doing.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Right, shall we do it again, Mr Kubrick?
0:03:07 > 0:03:12- Alba, when Rob kisses you, you look very uncomfortable.- No, I'm happy.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Yeah?- I'm comfortable.- OK. Great. Whenever you're ready.
0:03:23 > 0:03:28MUSIC: "Hand In My Pocket" by Alanis Morissette
0:03:28 > 0:03:30STEVE HESITANTLY SINGS ALONG
0:03:30 > 0:03:31# I'm broke but I'm happy
0:03:31 > 0:03:33# I'm poor but I'm kind
0:03:33 > 0:03:37# I'm short and I'm healthy, yeah
0:03:39 > 0:03:41# I'm high but I'm grounded
0:03:41 > 0:03:44# I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
0:03:44 > 0:03:48# I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby
0:03:48 > 0:03:51# What it all comes down to
0:03:52 > 0:03:57# Is that everything's going to be fine, fine, fine
0:03:58 > 0:04:01# Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
0:04:01 > 0:04:04# And the other one is giving a high-five... #
0:04:04 > 0:04:06- Yeah, keep your hands on the wheel. - That's what she...
0:04:06 > 0:04:09That's what she's saying. She's not driving the car though
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- with a passenger in. - Yeah, but she's like...
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Yeah, if she were driving, I would say the same to her.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16"Alanis, love, both hands on the wheel, please".
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- There is light at the end of the tunnel.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Yeah, but then just when you think everything's good,
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- all of a sudden...- Then and suddenly...- ..out of nowhere.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27..out of nowhere, you're in the dark again.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Right, now then.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34- Go left, go left.- I can't fuck, fuck, fuck, can't go left.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Fuck, fuck, fuck?
0:04:35 > 0:04:39You're being Hugh Grant... Fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- That's no entry. Can we have the sat nav on now please?- OK.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- PHONE RINGS - Where are you?
0:04:45 > 0:04:49- I think we're on the outskirts of Rome.- Right, well, we're here.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51We've arrived already. So...
0:04:51 > 0:04:54if you definitely follow the signs for the centre,
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- we're near the Piazza Del Popolo. - What signs?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58- There are no signs.- If you follow signs for the centre.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Guide us in. Ask her just to talk us in,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03like a stricken pilot in an airliner.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08- Have you not got your sat nav?- It's having trouble finding the satellite.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Ooh hot.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14AS ALAN BENNETT: Steven, struggling to cope with the heat.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Seriously, will you, please will you just not do that any more?
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- Seriously?- Yeah.- Say no more. - Can I just...
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- And go left, go left. - Can't go left. There's a bike there.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25I'll kill him.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Right. You got a right, right, right. Up there, there. Whoa!
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Bloody hell. This is where we're going, right?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38That's where we want to be. You need to go round. Watch him, watch him.
0:05:38 > 0:05:43- Watch the Smart car, watch the Smart car!- What now?- Bloody hell.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45What's wrong with you?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Right, go round this wall and get back inside.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56"While stands the Coliseum, Rome shall stand.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00"When the Coliseum falls, Rome shall fall.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03"When Rome falls, the world."
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Russell Crowe? Gladiator?
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Almost. Lord Byron.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11ROB AS RUSSELL CROWE: "When the Coliseum stands, Rome stands."
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Making it sound like it's a Rolf Harris reciting Byron,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17trying to do Russell Crowe.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21AS ROLF HARRIS: Can you tell what it is yet? I'm a Gladiator.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Is this the right way?
0:06:23 > 0:06:26There is an obelisk in our square. I know that.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30- You'll have to go around...all right, watch him.- All right. Is this Popolo?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Is this Piazza Del Popolo? - I don't know.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- Yeah, this is it. This is it, this is it.- Thank God for that.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Bleeding ridiculous.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46It's not like it's a new town.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49They've had 2,000 years to sort out the traffic system.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- I'm going to bring up the suitcases. - No, they can do that.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53And they can park the car.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- Steve.- Hi.- How you doing? - Hello.- You all right?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- Yeah, it was a nightmare.- How are you? You all right?- Nice to see you.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Nice to see you too.- You remember Yolanda?- Yeah, hi, how are you?
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- Nice to see you.- How are you? Careful, I'm very, very sweaty.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15- Looking good.- Thank you.- Nice dress. Lady in red. Terrible song.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Well, you've made it in the end. You're here now.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19- Yes, all roads lead to Rome. - Absolutely.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23All the roads we were on went round in circles. So are we checked in?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25No, actually you're not staying here.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27You're going to stay in the apartment above
0:07:27 > 0:07:28the Keats and Shelley Museum.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- Where Keats lived.- Yeah.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Can we use your rooms for us to have a shower or something?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Course you can. All right.- Can you get our bags shown up to the room?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Yeah. We'll sort it all out. Take your time. See you in a bit.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- It's quite small.- Wow, it's nice.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Posthumous Reputations.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01"Though hardly known during their lifetime, after their death,
0:08:01 > 0:08:05"both Keats and Shelley became more famous than Byron."
0:08:05 > 0:08:07So? There you go. There is hope.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10People will laugh at your jokes when you're dead.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- You're not "hardly known", Rob. - Thank you.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16There's Byron. Let's have a shot.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Stick yourself in front of him. Then make the pose.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20You're a good mimic.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Oh, he can't decide. Yes, he's going to do it.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Right, hang on. Ready? Wait a minute. One, two, three.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Bang. Nice.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- Well done.- Look at that. - That's good.- That is good actually.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- Captures his dark mood. - Oh, you've done that.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- Is this where Shelley was cremated? - That's Viareggio.- Oh, wow, yeah.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41That's where we were yesterday.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Sun loungers don't really come across as they should.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47This is Teresa Guiccioli. Come and see this.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50She's the one who was the... she was married to a nobleman,
0:08:50 > 0:08:53she became Byron's mistress when she was 17
0:08:53 > 0:08:55and they made love for four days straight.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59- Wow.- I mean is that possible? - Well, yeah.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Steve, four days continuous love making.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I'm glad you didn't try to answer that yourself.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05No. Out of my depth. I've gone to an expert.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- It depends what you mean by continuous...- Well, exactly.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09What do they mean by continuous?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- ..like four times a day probably. Is that...- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14When it's on a weekend, I mean, on a bank holiday,
0:09:14 > 0:09:16that's easily achievable.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18THEY LAUGH
0:09:18 > 0:09:20My God, is that his bed? It's so small.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- Is this the one he actually died in? - There's a little sign here.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- It's by IKEA. From their Romantics Collection.- Right.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30If you're, you know, don't have much space in the spare room,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32but you want to have a poet to die.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Oh, this is nice. It's really nice.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- You can imagine you're living just where Keats was living.- Yeah.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46He didn't really live here, did he? I mean, it's just, you know,
0:09:46 > 0:09:47came here and then died.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49You are close to great location,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51- The Spanish Steps.- The Spanish Steps.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55SPANISH ACCENT: For me, the Spanish Step, if I am in Rome,
0:09:55 > 0:09:59is the one place I have to go. People say, Manchego, why?
0:09:59 > 0:10:03I say, because for me, a little bit of Spain in Italy, right now.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Emma?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- Yeah?- There's only one double bed. - What?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Why don't we put a step in here?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13It's right next to the... And he's doing... Listen.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- Do you want to sleep next to that? - Not really.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- What you saying then? What do you want?- Just get a room at your hotel.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21- Yep, of course.- Great. Good.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- Gin and tonic.- Gin and tonic.- Oh, that's me.- You sir.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31And lemonade for the boy. Thank you very much.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35- Just the tonic. - Enjoy your drink.- Grazia.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Look, there's so many tourists. It's really...
0:10:39 > 0:10:42it's crazy, isn't it? There's too many people in the world.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- It's overcrowded.- In Shelley and Byron's day, there was only,
0:10:45 > 0:10:46not much more than one billion people.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48But there's always been tourists here.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52That's why Byron left here. He said, "I'm getting away from the tourists."
0:10:52 > 0:10:55And they annoyed him then and there would have been far fewer.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56Yeah, but you should be pleased.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58The whole reason you can get this many people is
0:10:58 > 0:11:01because the ordinary man can travel, which is your big thing, isn't it?
0:11:01 > 0:11:04In his day, it was just the aristocracy. It was the nobleman.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07E.M. Forster writing about English and Americans touring round Italy.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Yeah, like Room With A View.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09Yeah, with Daniel Day Lewis,
0:11:09 > 0:11:11when he used to be posh, before he became Irish.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14AS POSH DANIEL DAY LEWIS: Miss Honeychurch,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17I wondered if you might allow me the privilege of joining you for dinner
0:11:17 > 0:11:18on the Palazzo this evening?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- Why are you doing Hugh Grant? - I'm not doing Hugh Grant.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Hugh Grant would be, "Oh, gosh, Miss Honeychurch. I wondered if you
0:11:24 > 0:11:27"might, as it were, join me this evening?"
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- It's different.- Yeah. It sounds like, a Hugh Grant, half an octave up.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I went taller as well. I went taller. I straightened my back.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- AS DANIEL DAY LEWIS:- I would, I spent 16 years of my life in prison
0:11:36 > 0:11:37for something I didn't do.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41I saw my father die in prison for something he didn't do.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45"Daniel Day Lewis, is Ronan Keating in Boyzone The Movie."
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- It's Gerry Conlon from the Guildford Four.- Was that after Westlife?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50No, the Guildford Four.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Wrongfully convicted of bombing the Guildford pubs in 1974,
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- along with the Birmingham Six. - Did you ever see "Dan" in Lincoln?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- Apparently they had to call him Mr President on set.- Yeah.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04AS ABRAHAM LINCOLN: I wish to abolish slavery before
0:12:04 > 0:12:07my term as president is done.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11I simply need the right number of votes from congress.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13I think on the basis of that,
0:12:13 > 0:12:15- you might be able to do a good Katharine Hepburn.- Yes.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19AS KATHARINE HEPBURN: Norman, Norman, the loons, Norman, the loons.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Come and see the loons, Norman.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23- AS HENRY FONDA:- Yeah, sure you want to,
0:12:23 > 0:12:26you want to violate my own daughter under my own roof?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Oh, Norman. Nobody wants to violate our daughter.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Well, he wants to share a bedroom with her.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Well let 'em share a bedroom, Norman.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37These are the modern times. It's the 1970s.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Have you seen Dan Day Lewis in the remake of
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Fellini's 8½?
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- Yeah.- And there was a musical version called Nine.- Oh, God, yeah.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- Dreadful.- Awful.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49You know every Italian film you reference is directed by Fellini?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Did you get the box set for Christmas?- He's iconic.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Isn't he iconic?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59He's making an oblique reference to Alanis Morissette.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- Been listening to a lot of Alanis. - It's his favourite CD.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- My wife's favourite CD.- Is it?- Mmhm.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- Isn't that one about a disastrous relationship?- Well, yes.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09- She listened to it just before she met me.- Very good.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13- OK, that's all right then.- I like Alanis. She's very passionate.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Now then, lunch. I was given a choice by The Observer.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19You can either go to this little sort of hostaria,
0:13:19 > 0:13:21little side street thing.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Or, Oliver Glowig's new two Michelin starred restaurant.
0:13:25 > 0:13:31- And which did you choose? - Oliver Glowig.- Good.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35THEY SPEAK IN ITALIAN
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Oh, no, thank you. Sorry, I'm OK.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Have a glass of wine.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46- Come on, we're all going to have a glass of wine.- Yeah, no, I can't.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50- You on the wagon?- I can't, because I'm pregnant.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- Oh, my God.- Really? - Congratulations.- Yeah.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- Wow.- Thank you.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- No, erm, that's fantastic.- Thanks. - Congratulations.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- Yeah.- How far gone? - About three and a half months.- Wow.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05So yeah, why? Did you just think I'd gotten fat?
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Well, I didn't like to say. - Well, you look good. You look...
0:14:09 > 0:14:10No, you're blooming.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14"Blooming" is what you say when you think, "they're packing a few pounds".
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- I thought you were either pregnant, or...- Let myself go.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18..you're depressed. And you're eating.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Service.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27THEY SPEAK IN ITALIAN
0:14:27 > 0:14:28- Grazia.- Grazia.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33- Pasta's perfect.- Very delicate. - You can tell that's handmade pasta.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- You can tell, can't you? It's lovely.- Yeah.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37What's the food been like so far in Italy,
0:14:37 > 0:14:39compared to the food in the Lakes?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- A lot of pasta. - A lot of pasta.- Yeah.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46- You can't do the Atkins Diet on this trip.- Well, you are in Italy.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49I'm going to channel my inner Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love
0:14:49 > 0:14:51and get in touch with my love of pasta.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- That film was so funny. - Unintentionally funny.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57She's this American woman. Very sophisticated. Very rich.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59She acts like she's never seen a bowl of pasta or pizza in her life.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- I was like...- I know.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03And she pitches up in Italy and she wants to have a bath,
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- but there's no hot water in Italy. - Which is absurd.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07How's the plumbing been on your trip?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- I've been very happy with the level of plumbing.- Yeah.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12We haven't had any water works issues.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16Not with the baths, no, but personally, I'm always troubled.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- You're getting to that age, Rob. - Well, I had cystitis for a while.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Not now, Steve. Not now.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23It's not, no, sorry, a long, long time ago. Very long time.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- Long time ago.- Long time ago.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32We were going to go to Naples because Shelley lived there, Casanova,
0:15:32 > 0:15:34but he's put the kybosh on that so now...
0:15:34 > 0:15:36I just wanted a bit of glamour.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39In my head I thought we'd get a bit of glamour, a bit of like, you know,
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Dolce Vita, Anita Ekberg...- Oh, yeah, in the Trevi Fountain.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- ..and Marcello, what's his name? - Marcello Mastroianni.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- Marcello Mastroianni.- He got very cross when I told him
0:15:47 > 0:15:50I couldn't deliver Anita Ekberg. He really had one of his fits then.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Do you know, driving along in a TR3 with a cigarette hanging out the
0:15:53 > 0:15:54corner of his mouth, "Ciao bella."
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Well, the cigarette might fall out if you said that.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59We were going to go there, but he doesn't want to.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- So instead, we're going to the Amalfi Coast.- Nice.- Pompeii. Sicily.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04- Oh, why Sicily?- Why Sicily?- Yeah.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06AS AL PACINO: You're asking me why...
0:16:06 > 0:16:09She doesn't know what it's got to do with Shelley and Byron.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- ..we go to Sicily, let me tell you. - Nothing is the answer.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14It has nothing to do with Shelley and Byron
0:16:14 > 0:16:17- AS MARLON BRANDO: Sicily is the home of the Godfather.- Of course.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19We're thinking of going to Sicily,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22because it's where the Godfather began, you know on Corleone.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25- I want to have a homage. - Sounds like he's deaf.- A pilgrimage.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- MIMICS ROB:- I love you very much.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29He knows very well...
0:16:29 > 0:16:31ROB'S SPEECH IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE
0:16:31 > 0:16:34I normally like your impressions quite a lot.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36That's not his voice. It's like that?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39No, I know that's not his voice either. It's a deaf person.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- Well, you show me the voice.- I can't do the voice. All I know is that
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- that's a deaf person.- You come to me but you don't call me Godfather.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46You tell me you do the talk but you don't know the words.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- AS MARLON BRANDO:- You know, it turns out that when you're doing it...
0:16:49 > 0:16:52That's Jimmy Savile. What are you doing? "Now then, now then, now then."
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- You want to talk about Jimmy Savile?- No, let's not bring that up.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- He... Do you know what he said in his autobiography?- Yeah. yeah, true.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01He said... He did an interview about Jimmy Savile
0:17:01 > 0:17:04and it said, "Jimmy's a great guy. I really admire Jimmy Savile,"
0:17:04 > 0:17:05blah, blah, blah.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Right and when he died, he said, "People said
0:17:07 > 0:17:09"when he died all this stuff was going to come out and has it?"
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- Oh, Rob.- That's what he said. - And do you know when it came out?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- About a week after.- A week later. - Oh, no.- A week later.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- Did you have no inkling that he was a bit dodgy?- Everyone else... Exactly.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Everyone else thought, "This guy's fucking weird".
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- AS JIMMY SAVILE:- I mean like, "How's about that then?"
0:17:22 > 0:17:23I met him when I was 18 and he was lovely...
0:17:23 > 0:17:26I thought you were going to say you met him when you were eight.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Everyone else thought he was weird.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- He seemed to think he was perfectly normal.- I had an act with a friend.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33We were on a radio show and he was the main guest, right?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I was about 18, maybe 19.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36And he talked to us and he said,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39AS JIMMY SAVILE: "Look at me," he said, "Look at me.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42"I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't act.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47"I can do fuck all. So what do I do? I turn up, I smile, I wave.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50"The punters say, they look at me, they say, Jimmy's happy,
0:17:50 > 0:17:52"therefore, so are we."
0:17:52 > 0:17:54NORMAL VOICE: And that was his philosophy.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- AS JIMMY SAVILE:- Well the thing is you don't do him like the...
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Well, I don't come from Manchester, do I?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Well, neither does he actually. He's actually from Leeds.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04How's about that? Now then. I used to do him on Spitting Image.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06You do - and I'm going to say it publically -
0:18:06 > 0:18:08you do a fantastic Savile.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12It is better than mine. It is as though you were kindred spirits.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Come on, you can do a Marlon Brando, can't you? Some Brando.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Come on Steve, you can do it.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- Let's have a Marlon off.- Come on. Let's hear your Marlon.- Fine.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Let's even things out now with your Marlon.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- Can you put bread in your cheeks? - Careful, that's crusty bread.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27He finds some of the crustier bread a little difficult these days.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- I tend to cut it up for him. - Aww, you have to puree it for him.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- Yeah, I cut it up for him, yeah. It'll be good.- OK, oh, there you go.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Oh, now there you have it.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- AS MARLON BRANDO:- It's like going to the dentist.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- You what?- What?- It's like going to the dentist.- Say again?
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- You wonder where your tent is. What?- Send re-enforcements.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47We're going to send re-enforcements. We're going to advance.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49"Send three and four pence, we're going to a dance?"
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Thank you very much.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56THEY SPEAK IN ITALIAN
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- Go on.- You do it and I'm the background bit.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02AS MARLON BRANDO: The whole time, you know,
0:19:02 > 0:19:06I just bite my tongue, you know, and hey, I can be the Godfather.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- What is it you're playing, Steve? - Mandolin.- Mandolin.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Was it a miniature mandolin? Are they all that size?
0:19:12 > 0:19:14- Are they all that small? - They're very small, yeah.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Have you seen a mandolin? Like this...it's like that.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Is this Leonard Rossiter playing the mandolin? Is that who it is? My God.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- I think that's quite good. Don't you?- How long have you been playing?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Service.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Oh, wow. Thank you.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35You've got as a main course, what I had as a starter.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- My little envelopes with the mussels inside.- They look like hats,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40like old priests hats.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- They do look like little hats, don't they?- They're really cute.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- Do you know how they make them that colour?- No.- Squid ink.- Grazia.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- Really?- Squid ink.- Is that quidditch?
0:19:48 > 0:19:51It's like quidditch, except they use squid ink,
0:19:51 > 0:19:52instead of flying ball.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Shall we begin? - Yes, I think we shall.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- Let's let the expectant mother set us off.- OK.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01And so she plunges the knife into the John Dory.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- "Ouch", says the fish and we're away. - Oh, don't!
0:20:04 > 0:20:08- What is that?- Mmm, fantastic.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- Mary Shelley, I think, was the most interesting of all of them.- I agree.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13I absolutely loved Frankenstein.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- She was more successful than her husband.- Yes, she was.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17She was way more successful.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Probably why Shelley had so many affairs with so many women.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- Probably just jealous of her.- And he slept with her step sister Claire.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Yes, well, talking about Frankenstein, of course,
0:20:26 > 0:20:29brings to mind my dear friend Sir Kenneth Branagh
0:20:29 > 0:20:32and his production of Frankenstein with De Niro.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35AS ROBERT DE NIRO: I got a, I got a, I got a bolt in my neck.
0:20:35 > 0:20:40I've got to get a bolt. Got to get the bolt out of my neck.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Got to get this bolt out of my neck.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44He's got a big bolt in his neck.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- Bloody hell. That's... - Look at you bursting.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53- AS ROBERT DE NIRO:- Robert here's trying to divert you from the fact
0:20:53 > 0:20:54that he can't do Robert De Niro.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57He doesn't know how to do it, speak through the nose like that.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59You got to get that sound, talking through his nose like that.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02And the whole facial gesture thing, that's all part of it.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04- Yeah, that's a bit more familiar. - Talk like that, you know.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- That's the way he talks.- Hey, Frank, what you got in your neck?
0:21:07 > 0:21:08You got something in your neck.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- What's that sticking out of your neck?- I got some bolts in my
0:21:11 > 0:21:14goddamn fucking neck. You shut the fuck up or I'll rip your head off,
0:21:14 > 0:21:15shit down your fucking neck,
0:21:15 > 0:21:17you stupid bitch sucking mother fucking...
0:21:17 > 0:21:18But that's how... He speaks like that.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20It was like watching the video.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- I don't remember that from Frankenstein.- No, I don't.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Was that on the extras? Do you have to buy the box set to see that?
0:21:30 > 0:21:31OK.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Mary and Shelley together, they had five kids.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Four of them were lost before he drowned though.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41That's why they left Rome, was because William had malaria.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Yeah, and had died.- And yeah, so she was heartbroken.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Well, she was depressed.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48He had two kids with his first wife, who, once she died,
0:21:48 > 0:21:50he was never allowed to see.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53In fairness, she committed suicide, because he abandoned her
0:21:53 > 0:21:55when she was pregnant with the second one.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Well, yes, some say that, because it is a fact.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59But none the less, it's still any way you look at it,
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- it's a tragic bloody story, isn't it? - Yes, it's awful.- That's the point.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- There's been a lot of death on this trip.- Yeah, well, sounds like fun.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08I'm glad to know it must have been...
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I don't just mean when Rob's trying to do his routine, you know.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14- It's mostly that, but not all that, you know.- No.- No, no.- I don't know.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18It's just, it must have been horrific having kids in those days.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- Grazia senor.- So, photos.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29I thought we could go to... There's this foreigner's cemetery,
0:22:29 > 0:22:31where Keats and Shelley are buried.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35- Oh, yeah.- And it's very nice. So I just thought we could go there.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39You could put me next to Shelley's grave if you want.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- I'm not being photographed next to Keats. No way.- Why not?- Why not?
0:22:42 > 0:22:45He's a bed wetter.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Grazia.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50IRISH ACCENT: Well, we've come to that time again,
0:22:50 > 0:22:53it's become something of a tradition on this excursion around Italy,
0:22:53 > 0:22:57where we ask you to play guess the bill. And as ever,
0:22:57 > 0:23:00our contestant tonight is from Pedantry in the north of England.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01His name is Steve Coogan.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05Steven, here we go and remember, I will have to take your first answer.
0:23:05 > 0:23:10Is the amount of the bill, A, six euro?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13B, nine euro?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15That's B, nine euro.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20or Steven, is it C, 597 euro?
0:23:20 > 0:23:24And Steven, I will have to take the first answer, so I will.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28- 597.- You've got it Steven. You've got through. You've won again.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Congratulations to Steven, to all his family. They're all coming down.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34We'll see you at the same time next week for more of the same.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- Thanks for watching. Good night. - I don't like to win like that.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41- I like it to be hard.- Well... - I like to risk failure.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Yeah, I know, but I don't want to see you lose.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I don't want to pick up the pieces when you guess the bill wrong.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48No, I like to risk failure, but I never fail.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52- That's...- We haven't got time to discuss that now, Steven, have we?
0:23:52 > 0:23:53That's the crux.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01AS ANTHONY HOPKINS: "Go thou to Rome. At once, paradise,
0:24:01 > 0:24:04"the grave, the city and the wilderness.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09"And where its wrecks like shattered mountains rise,
0:24:09 > 0:24:12"to flowered weeds and fragrant copses dressed the bones..."
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Why can't you do it in your own voice?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Because I think Sir Anthony's voice is the perfect one for the occasion.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20"..Dress the bones of desolation's nakedness. Pass..."
0:24:20 > 0:24:22- Do you know what it means? - No, but I like the sound.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- You can tell.- "..Pass until the spirit of the spot
0:24:25 > 0:24:31"guides thy footsteps to slope of green access, where,
0:24:31 > 0:24:34"like an infant's smile over the dead,
0:24:34 > 0:24:38"a light of laughing flowers along the grass is spread."
0:24:41 > 0:24:42There's Shelley.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Wow.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48"Nothing of him that doth fade, but doth suffer a sea change,
0:24:48 > 0:24:51"into something rich and strange."
0:24:51 > 0:24:56- Defying the physical, isn't it? Transcendent.- Yeah.- It's Trelawny.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00And his poetry lives on in a way that...
0:25:00 > 0:25:02"These are two friends whose lives were undivided."
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Trelawny died aged 88.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Shelley was what, 26?
0:25:07 > 0:25:11So 62 years they were divided and he bought this plot,
0:25:11 > 0:25:14because he maintained the grave and he bought the boat that sank,
0:25:14 > 0:25:17that killed Shelley. So it's a bit rich him burying himself
0:25:17 > 0:25:20next to him. He spent his whole life dining out on the fact
0:25:20 > 0:25:21that he knew Byron and Shelley and
0:25:21 > 0:25:23claimed to know Keats, which he didn't.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Steve, look at the book. Good.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30- OK, now I'm looking away. I'm thinking.- Uhhuh.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32The light here is great.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36My favourite film is Roman Holiday.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- Oh, yes.- Do you remember, Gregory Peck?- Of course.
0:25:39 > 0:25:44- He had his flat in number 51 Via Margutta.- Yes.- This is Via Margutta.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46- Seriously?- Yeah. This is it.- Wow.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48And do you remember when he took her upstairs?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51He said... No, she said when she got up there - because it was
0:25:51 > 0:25:53so tiny - she was like, "Is this the elevator?"
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- The elevator, yeah.- Yeah.- I love Audrey Hepburn. And Ingrid Bergman.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01- Brilliant actors.- (Keats, Shelley). - La Dolce Vita.- Si.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Well, actually, most people think that Dolce Vita's about the
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- glamour of Rome, but it's about the opposite.- Yeah.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- It's about the emptiness of that life. The superficiality.- Yeah.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Vacuous people.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15The term paparazzi comes from the film Dolce Vita.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16That's where it came from?
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Of course, in Roman Holiday, Gregory Peck plays the journalist
0:26:19 > 0:26:22and his photographer friend is played by Eddie Albert.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Yes, with his Zippo lighter, he had his Zippo.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Which is where the term Eddie Alberto comes from.
0:26:28 > 0:26:33PHONE RINGS
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- Hello? - Rob, it's Lucy.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45So tell me about, are you still seeing that guy? What's his name?
0:26:45 > 0:26:48- Roberto.- Roberto. Roberto Brydono.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50I'm sorry. Horrible thought. Go on.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- Hello.- Can you hear me? - Yeah. How are you?
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Yeah, yeah, I'm good.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02- I've been missing you.- Oh, well, I missed you too.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- Really?- Yeah.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10I mean, I've been missing Hugh Grant as well.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Well, yes, of course. I mean it's a terrible loss.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14I think we'll all miss him.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16AS HUGH GRANT: I'm sure that were he here now,
0:27:16 > 0:27:20he would apologise profusely for his absence
0:27:20 > 0:27:26and I daresay he would delight at the prospect of dropping anchor
0:27:26 > 0:27:28once again,
0:27:28 > 0:27:31in, uhm,...in Lucy Cove,
0:27:31 > 0:27:36if that's not too inopportune, sort of, yeah.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38IN NORMAL VOICE: Oh, you laughed, thank God.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43It would be lovely to see you again, if you wanted.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Yes, it would, wouldn't it? Yes.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47How can we do that?
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Well, I don't know.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53- Where are you?- Rome.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54Ah, I see.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57- Well, shall I call you again?- Yeah.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01- Would you mind? Is that a good idea? - Absolutely, yes. That would be good.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04I'd accept the call. Definitely.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06- It's nice to see you. - It was nice to see you too.
0:28:06 > 0:28:07- Yeah, yeah, you look fantastic. - Thank you.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10I think your hair...
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Good, well, I'll call you soon then.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14- All right, bye, Lucy. Bye.- Bye.