0:00:03 > 0:00:05- Hello?- 'Steve, it's Rob.'
0:00:05 > 0:00:08- Oh, hey, hey. - 'How's the show going?'
0:00:08 > 0:00:11Uh, just finished... just started the hiatus.
0:00:11 > 0:00:12'Yeah, I know, I spoke to your agent.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15'Listen, The Observer wants us to do more restaurant reviews,
0:00:15 > 0:00:17- 'another six lunches.'- Really?
0:00:17 > 0:00:22'But, this time in Italy. La Bella Italia. Yeah? What do you think?
0:00:22 > 0:00:24- Oh, um...- 'I'm going to fly you into Europe.'
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- First Class? - 'No. They're offering Business.'
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Baciamo le mani, Don Ciccio.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Mi benedica.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Benedetto.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Come ti chiami?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Mi chiamo Vito Corleone.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49E tuo padre, come si chiama?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Si chiama Antonio Andolini.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Piu forte. Non ti sento bene.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Avvicinati.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00Mio padre si chiama Antonio Brydon.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02E questo e per te.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06HE GRUNTS
0:01:08 > 0:01:13E questo... E questo... E questo e per te.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15E questo e per te.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17KNOCK ON DOOR
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- Hi.- Hi.- Sorry, did I wake you up? - No, no.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Joe has said he wants to come out and, you know, hang out with us.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- Excellent.- It means that Emma's got to fly to pick him up in Ibiza
0:01:43 > 0:01:45and I've got to meet them both in Naples.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- Right.- Is that OK? - Yeah, absolutely.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Cos it means missing Sicily.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53It's your boy, that's more important.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55- OK, thank you. Great.- Good?- All right, yeah.- Right.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- Good, see you at breakfast. - Breakfast.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Grazie.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Oh...I am starving.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Aah...
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Whoa, look at this, eh?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Oh, yes, oh, yes...this is good.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17- Mmm, that's good eggs.- Yeah, yeah.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- You can taste a good egg, can't you? - Yeah.
0:02:19 > 0:02:24What I've discovered on this trip is that I can live very simply.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28I mean, I'm very happy right now, with a simple breakfast,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32a simple view, nothing fancy.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34And that's just wonderful.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36I don't think you can top it really, with anything.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38- Could be some brown sauce, I think. - That's true.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Emma's organised a place for us to stay on Capri.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45So, I was going to ask you, if you want, you can come and stay.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Yeah, yeah, yeah.- Because then you'll still have
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- your six places to write about. - Great.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Be a shame not to go to Sicily, though.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I was looking forward to that for obvious reasons.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Well, you don't have to be in Sicily
0:02:58 > 0:03:00to do impressions of the Godfather, do you?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I could it anywhere, but there's something about Sicily, you know.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05You should put rolled up bread in your cheeks to pad them out.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- I have a yeast intolerance. - Oh, yeah.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Yeah, when Michael went back there in the first Godfather,
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Michael has to go down there and he says to Kay,
0:03:14 > 0:03:16"I got to lay low for a while,
0:03:16 > 0:03:18"then I come back as the family, Kay, not me."
0:03:18 > 0:03:21"OK, Michael, la-dee-da."
0:03:21 > 0:03:22That was Diane Keaton.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26Diane Keaton didn't realise she was in the Godfather and not Annie Hall.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28She's going to stay with me for a while, that's OK.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Who the hell are you?
0:03:29 > 0:03:35I live in Manhattan, I'm just laughing out of nervousness.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Why are you carrying lobsters with him, Kay?
0:03:36 > 0:03:39What are you doing? Hey, Mikey, you want me to take this guy out?
0:03:39 > 0:03:40There's always the big fat guy.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Mikey, this guy, this little guy, this Jew bothering you?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I really... no, please I'm allergic to death.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49You want me to pick up by the neck, squeeze the neck
0:03:49 > 0:03:52till there's no life left in this guy and chuck him out a window?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55That's a joke, right? Cos I like it, it's funny.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56My friend doesn't make jokes.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Kay, you got to explain what it is with this guy.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Oh, la-dee-da, Michael, la-dee-da.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- At what point did it become... - Yeah, one day.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05He went to bed, he said to his wife, he said,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07"Mrs Pacino, I'm going to sleep now, good night.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08"I'll see you in the morning.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11"Good night to all the kids, all of the pets, everybody,
0:04:11 > 0:04:13"good night to the help, good night.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15"Good night, Al, sleep well."
0:04:15 > 0:04:18He turns over, he wakes up in the morning. "What do you got?!"
0:04:18 > 0:04:19I've got laryngitis.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22For the rest of my life!
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Don't go too loud here.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25For the rest of my life.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- You see the coffee commercial he did? - No.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Pacino, he sits there and he says,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32"You know, for me, coffee is a way of life.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35"A Pacino script will always have coffee marks on it,
0:04:35 > 0:04:36"that's how you know it's a Pacino script."
0:04:36 > 0:04:39And then he takes a sip and goes, "That's good coffee."
0:04:39 > 0:04:42And you go, that's Al Pacino?!
0:04:42 > 0:04:43And that's another reason why I think,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46so I did Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, you know?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- But he did coffee. There's a lot of similarities.- Yeah.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Two short, brooding, intense actors,
0:04:52 > 0:04:54promoting products they genuinely love.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01PHONE RINGS
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- Hello.- 'Hello, you all right?' - Yeah, great.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08'I've got Joe and we're just booked our plane to Naples.'
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- OK, how is he?- 'He's great.'
0:05:10 > 0:05:12'We're going to get a cab from the airport
0:05:12 > 0:05:14'and we'll go to the Fontanelle catacombs, OK?'
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Why are we meeting at a cemetery?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18'Well, it's on the edge of town, so it'll be easy,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21'cos Naples is crazy for the traffic and I've always wanted to see it.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23'It's in one of my favourite films.'
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Listen, tell Joe I love him and we're going to have a great time.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28'Brilliant, I'll pass it on. See you later, see you soon.'
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Thanks, love. OK, bye. Right, let's see...
0:05:32 > 0:05:34OK, hang on, I've got it... don't you...
0:05:34 > 0:05:36you just concentrate on the driving.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Paul McCartney and "The Long and Winding Road"
0:05:38 > 0:05:42and he may well have been talking about the Amalfi Coast.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Right, very close. Very close. We can almost touch it.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Right, have a look at that now.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- Tell me, is that where we're meant to be?- Um...
0:05:54 > 0:05:56That should be working with us, not against us.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I'm trying to make it go bigger.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09It's like being at one of your gigs.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Uh-huh, a lot of people.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Well, they turned up, I'll give you that.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Weird, isn't it, that Byron used to drink out of a skull.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Oh.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25You all right?
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30That's a misquote, it's, "Alas poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio."
0:06:30 > 0:06:35- Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well. - It's not, "I knew him well", it's "I knew him, Horatio."- I knew him well.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38It's the most famous mis-quote in the English language and you just did it.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- What's the actual quote?- I'm a bit shocked.- What's the actual quote, then?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- I...ala, alas poor Yor...ala... - See, you don't know it yourself.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I do know it. Alas, poor Yorick... alas, alas, poor Yorick...
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Well, who are you talking to? Me or the invisible man?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- I'm talking to him about you. - Who am I?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55You're Yorick. Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57A man of infinite jest.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Thank you.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Of excellent fancy.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Thank you.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03He hath borne me on his back a thousand times.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05That is true.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs?
0:07:10 > 0:07:14Your flights of merriment...wont to set a table on a roar?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Feel lucky, punk?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27He didn't say that.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29I deliberately got it wrong to reel you in.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31All right, go on, what's the real quote?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33I know what you're thinking, punk.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38You're thinking, "Did he fire six shots or only five?"
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Tell you the truth, I can't quite remember myself...
0:07:41 > 0:07:42..in all this excitement.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45It's a myth that he whispers all the time, sometimes
0:07:45 > 0:07:48he just speaks normally but his jaw is clenched.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51If I wanted a lesson in how Clint Eastwood spoke,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53I'd talk to Clint Eastwood.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- MOBILE PHONE RINGS - Oh, shit. Hello?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58'Hey, we're here.'
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- Are you? Oh, great. - 'We're just at the entrance.'
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Right, see you in a bit.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03- She here?- Yeah.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- Have they arrived?- Yeah.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09HE TRUMPETS
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Come here, lad.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Nice to see you.- You, too.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17It's good to see you, buddy.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Here he is, big boy.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21- Yeah.- Hello, all right?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24I'll start wearing me high heels soon.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Listen, I've arranged for the Mini people to come and collect the car from here
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and then we can take the taxi to the port and it'll be about ten minutes.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32I, in the meantime, am going to have a quick look around.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- I'll come with you. - Good. You can show me the way.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Hey, mate, it's just really good to see you, honestly. How are you?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40- I'm good, yeah.- How's Mimi?- Oh, she's good, yeah.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Enjoying it a lot more than I was.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Why are we here?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Ingrid Bergman.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Which one is she?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50She's not here, but she was in Journey to Italy.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Well, how do you feel about your exams?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Oh, you know, I hope they went fine.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I'm just trying not to worry about them. Just can relax...
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I'm sure they're fine, sure they're fine.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00You worked a damn sight harder than I ever did.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03First her husband goes off to Capri to try and have an affair
0:09:03 > 0:09:05and her friend brings here.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- Her friends come here to try and pray for a baby.- Uff!
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Let's get out of here. It's been a downer, to be honest.
0:09:13 > 0:09:14Not quite sure why.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18- Ciao.- Ciao.- Antonello?- Si. Yeah. Posso aiutare?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- How are you?- Thank you.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Hello, hello, thank you.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Joe, do you want to go and put your bag in the back of that taxi.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Sure.- All right, love, thank you. That's a nice hat.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- Borsalino, Al Capone used to wear these.- Thanks very much.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Seat belts on?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Can we stop at Shelley's house, get a photo?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's do that. - You've done quite a few.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42We have to have one in Naples, it's the last chapter of the book.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58250. This is it. Quick photo.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- He didn't live here. This is 1960s. - This is the spot. - I've not Googled it.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- There's the camera. Come on. - It's been like this all week...
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Rob Brydon in front of various nondescript buildings.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- Do you want the satellite dishes in? - It's what he would have wanted.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- You all right, Joe? - Yeah, pretty good.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20- See that double bass case?- Yeah.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Carbon fibre.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25It's the strongest man-made material in the world.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27You could stop a bullet with that.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28It does. They use it in bullet proof vests.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I still get like a, sort of,
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- a frisson of excitement crossing water.- A distant isle.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Vedi a Napoli e muori. - What does that mean?
0:10:39 > 0:10:42See Naples and die, in Italian.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- Ciao!- Look, look, look, the birds are following us!
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- Look at that one there, look, he's following us.- Quite scary.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- Like The Birds.- It is. - You could be Tippy Hedren.- Aah!
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I'll be Alfred Hitchcock, just telling you what to do.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56He really let her get pecked.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- He let the birds peck Tippi Hedren? - Yeah, I think so.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02He also named all the individual birds, and when they'd be having a go
0:11:02 > 0:11:05at Tippi Hedren and he would instruct them.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07So he'd go up to one, he'd say, "Gregory, peck".
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Come on, let's go and wander. - OK.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Yeah. No, what happened was that all the ash buried everyone.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27- Is it still active? - I like to think so.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34You got sun, sea, sangria and la dolce vita over there.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Maybe wander round this way?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Watch out, hey, hey! Watch out, don't die!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Look, it's the house from Le Mepris!
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- What's that?- Oh, with Brigitte Bardot. It's incredible.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11They're making a film that she's married to the scriptwriter,
0:12:11 > 0:12:15and it all starts to go wrong and there's that incredible piece of music,
0:12:15 > 0:12:18they keep playing it all the way through, it's really romantic,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21but then it kind of gets annoying it's sort of again and again and again.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23- Is that where she's naked on the bed?- Yes, that's the one.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25What happens at the end?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28She gets together with the producer and then dies in a car crash.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I like the sound of that.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Really sexy with no happy ending...
0:12:32 > 0:12:34like the opposite of a massage, you know.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- We have the local wine.- Local? - That's a del Furore.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Furore?
0:13:11 > 0:13:12- Yeah, it's from a region.- Buono.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- You're welcome.- Grazie.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17I just feel like I look different,
0:13:17 > 0:13:20like I feel puffier and kind of... I don't know.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21You're an attractive woman.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- You were maybe a bit more attractive a year ago.- Ah!- But...
0:13:24 > 0:13:25I appreciate your honesty.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28..imagine what it's like for an ugly woman who's pregnant?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Un goccio, per favore.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35- Pregnanti. - Is that the Italian for it?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38THEY SPEAK IN ITALIAN
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- Ah.- Here you have the scallop fish. - Oh, lovely.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47And seafood salad. The bonito fish, raw.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- Raw, OK.- It's not for you. - Not for me.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- Octopus to the grill.- Grazie.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- There's another octopus to the grill.- Grazie.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Bonito fish. Grazie mille.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Oh, grazie mille.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02- Do you want some of this?- Oh, yeah, sure.- Cos you'll like this.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06The calamari is absolutely gorgeous, try it. Perfect.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Think I'll have some of this.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Lovely Furore.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Furore...that's an angry Italian sports car.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20I might have a glass of Furore or perhaps a carafe of kerfuffle.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Or a bottle of brew-ha-ha.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Very good.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27THEY SPEAK IN ITALIAN
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Well, I like to think of myself
0:14:30 > 0:14:33as a fine wine, maturing these passing years.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Sitting in the dark, getting fusty.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37If he sits there too long, a little heavy.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39- He does get a little heavy. - A little heavy.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Well, I think it's a very, very fine wine.- Can get bitter.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44A little bit bitter, a bit vinegary, a bit cynical.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46He's not as cynical as he makes out, you know.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Remember we were watching Mamma Mia.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51You know, you're watching it with Mamie and then at the end
0:14:51 > 0:14:54when Meryl Streep gets together with Pierce Brosnan, you started crying.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56- Yeah, yeah.- What?!- You cried at Mamma Mia?- Yeah.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58You cried at that bit with Meryl Streep?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I mean, I love Mamma Mia, but I didn't cry.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01I love old Pierce Bro...
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I can't do Pierce Brosnan, I'll be very honest with you, Joe.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I can't do him, I can't do him very well.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08When I do him I sound like a very effeminate Bono, so I do.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Top o'the mornin' to ya.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12The name's Bond, top o'the mornin' to you, Blofeld.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14I'm, oh, oh, oh, seven.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I'm James Bond, oh, oh, oh, seven.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19What he's meaning to say is, the name's Bond, James Bond,
0:15:19 > 0:15:20double-oh-seven, licensed to kill.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23You need a slight huskiness and it's slightly mid-Atlantic.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26The name's Bond, James Bond. Am I getting it now?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- That's Northern Ireland. - God, no!
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Well, he's a secret agent, he's got to be able to go other places
0:15:31 > 0:15:33and lay low, hasn't he now?
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Interestingly, up until Daniel Craig,
0:15:37 > 0:15:40there was only one English James Bond.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- Sean Connery.- Yeah. - Connery. Scottish.- Scottish.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48A milkman by trade, a part-time actor,
0:15:48 > 0:15:50he took the role and made it his own.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52He went for the audition - I don't know if you know this -
0:15:52 > 0:15:55and Cubby Broccoli and Saltzman auditioned him,
0:15:55 > 0:15:57they thought he was good. He left the room.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01As he walked away in the street, they said he walked like a panther.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Now, in reality that would be impractical, he'd be on all fours.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06He'd be soiling the furniture.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- George Lazenby. - Australian.- Australian.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Come on, I know where this is going.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Roger Moore, of course he was English.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- And Dalton.- Where was he from?- Welsh. - Welsh.- Yeah.- No.- Oh, yes!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Now Rob's going to go... go on, do your Timothy Dalton.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I'm not going to do what you think I'm going to do.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I thought you were going to go, "My name's Bond, James Bond."
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- No, I'm not going to do that. - Like, dressed to kill.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28No, you do him well, he's got a northern sound.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Things could have turned out very nasty.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33That's almost a very butch Alan Bennett.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Things could have turned out very nasty.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37THEY SPEAK IN ITALIAN
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- Who's your best Bond? - Daniel Craig.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Aah. Our generation, you and me.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- Go on, say that Roger Moore again. - What was that?
0:16:48 > 0:16:49The Roger Moore again.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- Oh, you'd like to hear it again? - Yeah.- Course you would.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- It must be nice for you to hear... - He's so well brought up, isn't he?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57It must be lovely for you, Joe, to hear an impression properly done, yeah?
0:16:57 > 0:17:03Now, when I say properly done, I mean done properly.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Right, ready, here he goes.
0:17:06 > 0:17:11Er, my name is Roger Moore, now I'm a lot older than I used to be,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14so there's a degree... I'm still doing it, Steve,
0:17:14 > 0:17:16please don't interrupt in front of your son.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19There's a... what are you doing? You're pointing.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Are you Alvin Stardust? What are you doing?
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Uh, I just think...do him when he shouts, do him shouting.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28We are in a nice place.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30You there, come back!
0:17:30 > 0:17:34No. Move! He squeaks like that.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- Move!- Move!- Move!- Move!- Move!- Move!
0:17:37 > 0:17:38You sound like a cow when you're doing that.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40The name's Bond. Move! Move!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Hold on, I want both of you, one eyebrow, one eyebrow up...
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Oh, good, good. That's very good, Rob.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- Of course, that's entry level. - Ah, very good, whoa!
0:17:47 > 0:17:49But, I can do that eyebrow or I can do that eyebrow.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51That is really impressive.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54I can do them with very little effort at exactly the right time.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02- It's the linguine with the shrimps and zucchini.- Oh, wow.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Great cooking, huh?- Great.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06And here you have the paccheri with anchovies.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- Oh, looks lovely, that. - Yeah.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10And for you, that's the linguine,
0:18:10 > 0:18:13same with the shrimps and the roe egg cooking.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- For you, that's the best plate. - Best one? Wow.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17- Sea fruits.- Look at that!
0:18:18 > 0:18:19- Mmm.- Mmm.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- How is it?- Beautiful. I have an announcement to make.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27- Oh?- Really?- You're pregnant.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29No. I've got a part in a film.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- Well done. That's great news. - American film.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- Great, wow. Good for you. - The Michael Mann one?- Yeah.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- A Michael Mann film?- Yeah.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Rob, that is crazy. Wow!
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Shall we do another one? Thanks.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Gosh, that's incredible! - I know, and it's one of the leads.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46It's not THE lead.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48It's one of the leads. It's a supporting...
0:18:48 > 0:18:50I play a mafia accountant.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52I can really see it. That's amazing, I can see it.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- A gangster accountant? - Tough guy with a pen.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58I can't make these numbers add up.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00I just can't do it.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- You didn't do that, did you, in the...- Wasn't far off.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05That's not what you had to do for you... that's not really a good...
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- That's not why he did that. - I kissed a waitress in the audition.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- Huh! Did you?- Remember that?
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Yes, I do. It was a peck.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14His eyes. He wasn't happy.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- So, how long you going to be away for?- Eight weeks.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19- Eight weeks? Gosh.- That's tough.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22That's a long time to be away though, isn't it?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I mean, there wasn't going to be anything otherwise,
0:19:24 > 0:19:26I'd just do more panel shows.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Joe's just finished his GCSEs, doing his A Levels now.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30A Levels, gosh.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31What A Levels you going to do?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Oh, I'm going a bit science-y.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37Maths, further maths, physics, chemistry and electronics.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- Seriously?!- Yeah.- Bloody hell.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Well, you see, it runs in the family. My dad's an engineer.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Yeah, Grandad.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45What about skipping a generation.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Car swerved out of its lane, almost went into a field
0:19:48 > 0:19:49and then came back in the road.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Listen, I know a damn sight more about engineering than you do.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Yeah, but I know nothing.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56THEY SPEAK IN ITALIAN
0:19:57 > 0:19:59I have a scientifical law...
0:19:59 > 0:20:01it's the Brydon Coogan law of actor's respect.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03- Oh, so you both came up with it, then.- Well, he helped me.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05I was more of a lab assistant.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Yeah, he was in a little coat, just carrying beakers and things.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- Test tube boy.- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11There is a direct inverse relationship between
0:20:11 > 0:20:15an actor's intelligibility and the respect afforded to that actor.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17You've put a lot of thought into this.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19I'll give you an example. OK, Brando.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Everybody adores Brando, there is no greater actor.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25He smiles like a thing, you come to my house,
0:20:25 > 0:20:29but they don't call me the Godfather, you know, my surname is...
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Christian Bale, Batman, one of your...
0:20:32 > 0:20:34HE MUMBLES
0:20:34 > 0:20:37I'm sorry Master Bruce, what is that that you're saying?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39And then you've got his nemesis.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43HE MUFFLES HIS SPEECH
0:20:43 > 0:20:46So, you can't understand them, but they get the respect.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51Whereas your father and I, wonderful enunciation, very little respect.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- Yeah.- Yeah...well.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Relatively little respect.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Well, it's all relative, that's for sure, yeah.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59THEY SPEAK IN ITALIAN
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- I think I'm going to go for a walk. - Yeah?- Is that OK?
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- Fine, yeah. - Say hello to those girls over there.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- No!- They've been looking at you. - Definitely not.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Leave him alone!
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Plenty of time for all that.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- Oh...- He's so grown up, isn't he? - What a nice boy.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- Yes, nothing like me. - Credit to you, so he is.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Well, he's taller than me, of course.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26- You've both got that to look forward to.- Oh, yeah.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Won't be long for me. Chloe's nearly four.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Totally at ease with himself. Totally at ease with himself.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Ah! Oh my...wow!
0:21:36 > 0:21:37That's fish, beautiful.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39What fish is it?
0:21:39 > 0:21:40That's turbot.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Oh, I love turbot. Oh, my goodness me.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47Oh, my God. Incredible. Oh, wow. Oh, my God.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- Oh, that smells amazing. - Grazie.- You're welcome.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52I'm looking forward to this.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56That's fantastic. Try that.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57- Oh, my goodness me!- Steve?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Oh, come on.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Come on.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Come on!
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Not for me. Not for me.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06It's all right if you like that kind of thing.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08You're the Simon Cowell of the lunch.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- I'm going to have a look for Joe. - Yeah.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Rescue. Get my priorities right.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Exactly.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17See you in a bit.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21He's walking very slowly in his later years, isn't he?
0:22:21 > 0:22:22SHE LAUGHS
0:22:29 > 0:22:32I might have a chocolate boob, I think.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Nothing wrong with chocolate and chocolate sauce.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- Right, let's go sit in the shade. - Yeah, definitely.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41Joe!
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Hey!
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- Do you want to go for a swim? - Yeah, OK!
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- Oh, grazie.- You're welcome.- Grazie. - Grazie mille.- Oh. Yum.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- Would you like a cappuccino?- Yes, grazie.- Not for me.- OK.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54And look, I've got the view. It's absolutely beautiful.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Well, thank you very much.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00This shirt is rather flattering and I suppose this light casts me
0:23:00 > 0:23:02in a rather heroic frame.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04It does, it's very flattering to you.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06I'm going to have this just with my hands.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Oh, wow.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13- It's ready, the cappuccino.- It's really good.- Ah, grazie.- Grazie.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- And you have the digestif.- Oh, thank you.- Ah...the bill. How much is it?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Welcome back to... - Oh gosh, I get to do the game.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22..guess the bill and it's great to have everybody at home playing along
0:23:22 > 0:23:25with us now, and I know you've got your scratch cards there ready.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Emma, great to have you along. - Great to be here.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31I know that you work for a ruthless bastard of a man.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33- It's very nice to be away from him now, isn't it?- It is!
0:23:33 > 0:23:38All right, Steve Coogan, whatever became of him? Doesn't matter. So...
0:23:38 > 0:23:43- Is the bill, Emma, is it a, 432 Euro? - OK.
0:23:43 > 0:23:50Is it b, 435 Euro, or, Emma, is it c, 438 Euro?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53And I must take your first answer, no helping from the audience, please.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55OK, Rob, I think...
0:23:55 > 0:23:57IMITATES HEARTBEAT
0:23:57 > 0:23:59..438.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01- Is the wrong answer, Emma. - Oh, no!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03It was four-three-five.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05It's been lovely having you on the show,
0:24:05 > 0:24:07but please bugger off home, goodbye.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- Oh...I need this.- Yeah.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- Kids diving off there before today. - Yeah?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Great news about your film, as well.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19- Thank you very much.- Amazing.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23- I have another announcement to make, actually.- Really?
0:24:23 > 0:24:24Yes...
0:24:25 > 0:24:28I've had a little adventure.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Right.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32- You know the boat that we went on. - Yeah.
0:24:32 > 0:24:37I had an... altercation with a deckhand.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- You had a fight? - No, no. Quite the opposite.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44A lady deckhand, who shivered my timber.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48She circumnavigated my globe.
0:24:49 > 0:24:54She scraped the barnacles from my bottom...
0:24:54 > 0:24:56and she hoisted my mainsail.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58- I get the picture.- Yes, yes.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02And, of course, the... the thing is...
0:25:04 > 0:25:08I'm thinking about hopping aboard again before we return home.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10- Really?- Yes. Yes.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Slight fly in the ointment, of course...
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- wife, small child back at home. - Yeah.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17I'm certainly don't want you to sit in judgment.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- I probably wasn't. - Or to profess an opinion.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- OK.- But, what do you think?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Oh, God. Do you know what?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Hormonal pregnant women probably aren't the best to ask.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- I don't know, really. - Aah...
0:25:35 > 0:25:36Rob!
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Rob, are you going to come in?
0:25:41 > 0:25:42No, thank you!
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Go for a swim?
0:25:44 > 0:25:45No, thanks!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- You're missing out! - I know!
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Oh, I'll sit down there.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54Oh, this is relaxing.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Do you remember the end of Roman Holiday?
0:25:59 > 0:26:03When Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn have had that amazing day together
0:26:03 > 0:26:05and then she goes back to being a princess.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10And she gets told about her duties as a princess and she says,
0:26:10 > 0:26:14"But if I wasn't aware of the importance of my duties
0:26:14 > 0:26:19"to my family and to my country, I wouldn't have ever come back."
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- Joe.- Hmm?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27- I'm going to sell the flat. - Really?
0:26:27 > 0:26:28Yeah. I've been thinking about it.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- I'm going to get a house near you guys.- Oh, OK.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Walking distance, so you can come over.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38You maybe could come and live with me if you wanted.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Mamie wants to live with Mum and I don't want to not be with her.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Yeah, I know, I know. I mean, you know, that's right,
0:26:44 > 0:26:46that's right, and all.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49But, I'm around the corner anyway, so you can...
0:26:50 > 0:26:51..have your own key.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54That scene at the press conference.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Gregory Peck signals he's not going to run the story,
0:26:57 > 0:27:00the photographer hands back the photos.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02That would never happen now.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Don't they copy that in Notting Hill?
0:27:04 > 0:27:07You know the scene in the press conference with Hugh Grant
0:27:07 > 0:27:09and Julia Roberts where he says,
0:27:09 > 0:27:13"I was just wondering, if a person realised that that person
0:27:13 > 0:27:18"had been a daft prick, whether that person might, you know,
0:27:18 > 0:27:22"sort of get down on bended knees and plead with you to reconsider,
0:27:22 > 0:27:25"whether you might, in fact, reconsider."
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Well...everyone's a daft prick sometimes.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30That's my point, yes, yes, that's my point.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33You could come over with your mum if you want, for supper one night,
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I'll cook for you.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Try out my mushroom risotto.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40Sounds good.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43It's a work in progress at the moment.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44But...I'm getting there.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50- Shall we go for a swim? - Yeah, OK.
0:27:52 > 0:27:57Of course, in Notting Hill, they went off together.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00- None of this sacrificing love for duty.- No...
0:28:02 > 0:28:04I prefer the Roman Holiday ending.
0:28:06 > 0:28:07Unrequited love.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12- Don't really do that any more. - No...