0:00:22 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE
0:00:28 > 0:00:31WHISTLING
0:00:32 > 0:00:39Good evening. Welcome to The Two Ronnies Sketchbook. It's great to be with you. Isn't it, Ronnie?
0:00:39 > 0:00:46It certainly is. In case younger viewers aren't sure, we ARE the Two Ronnies, famous showbiz couple.
0:00:46 > 0:00:51- We're easy to tell apart. I'm taller.- And I'm shorter.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55In a way, we're just like Richard and Judy, really.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57LAUGHTER
0:00:57 > 0:01:02Except I don't interrupt all the time.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07And my blouse doesn't fall open in public.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10This is The Two Ronnies Sketchbook.
0:01:10 > 0:01:17It involves two Ronnies, 30-odd years, several changes of clothing, and sketches.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Sketches are the important thing.
0:01:20 > 0:01:27This is a chance for you to enjoy the best of them as they were meant to be seen, in their entirety.
0:01:27 > 0:01:32- Full-length versions.- And that's quite a claim, coming from you.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35LAUGHTER
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Indeed it is.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42So, enjoy the show as a chocolate box of goodies,
0:01:42 > 0:01:47with us as the picture telling you what the fillings are.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Yes, I've got a soft centre.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53And I've got a crushed nut cluster.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Oh, dear, what a pity. Put it back.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Here's the first tempting treat,
0:02:01 > 0:02:08featuring a memorable example from Ronnie Barker's gallery of annoying waiters.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14- This is nice. - It is rather nice, isn't it?
0:02:14 > 0:02:19- Funny we've never seen it before. - I don't think it's been open long.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Yes?
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Well, we'd like a meal, please.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Two, is it?
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Yes.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Have you booked?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38No, no.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43HE SIGHS
0:02:45 > 0:02:51- I suppose I can fit you in here, if you like.- Thank you. Excuse me.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Yes?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Could we have a look at the menu, please?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Want a bleedin' menu now.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Nice, nice...
0:03:16 > 0:03:20Oh, look. The menu's shaped like a rook.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25It's the name of the restaurant, innit? Complete Rook.
0:03:25 > 0:03:30- Now... It's written sort of all differently, isn't it?- Eh?
0:03:30 > 0:03:34No, sorry, I'm talking to my friend.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Now, look.
0:03:36 > 0:03:42There's rook pate here. Rook pate. Do you recommend the rook pate?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Only when we've got a lot we want to get rid of.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Well, that's honest, at least.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- What about soup of the day? - What is it?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Rook soup.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59I expect it... I expect it's nicer than it sounds.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Bleedin' isn't.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06It's worse than it sounds.
0:04:06 > 0:04:13Ever had camel's liver marinated in rain for five days, strained through a balaclava helmet?
0:04:13 > 0:04:18- I think we had that in Morocco. - Surely not.- I'm not being serious.
0:04:18 > 0:04:23We didn't have it in Morocco. It was Tunis, wasn't it? No, no.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- Why do you ask? - Rook soup's worse than that.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32- Why did you recommend it?- It's going off. Freezer's on the blink.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37Look, I think the best idea is to choose the main course,
0:04:37 > 0:04:41- and then build round it.- Good idea.
0:04:41 > 0:04:46Then you know where you are. Because you find that, erm...
0:04:57 > 0:05:00There's, um... You see, there's...
0:05:02 > 0:05:07There's roast rook, braised rook, steamed rook and stuffed rook.
0:05:07 > 0:05:13- What is this? "La corneille bouillee a la mode de Toulouse."- Boiled rook.
0:05:15 > 0:05:20Not the sort of restaurant to come to if you don't like rook.
0:05:20 > 0:05:26- Not the sort of restaurant to come to if you DO like rook.- Why?
0:05:26 > 0:05:31We serve bloody awful, tough rooks, that's why. All full of lead shot.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35I expect the chef has a magic touch.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Magic touch? The chef? Don't make me laugh.
0:05:38 > 0:05:43Too much of that, he's riff-raff. Too much of that. Rubbish.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47I'm the only bloke that keeps the tone of this place up.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Tell me, what is this? "Coeur de corneille Nantua."
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Two rooks tails in a shrimp sauce.
0:05:57 > 0:06:03- You must admit, you haven't got a very varied menu. - Nothing to "crow" over!
0:06:08 > 0:06:15- I'm sorry. I read an article on how to relieve tense situations with humour.- Why don't you try it?
0:06:15 > 0:06:20Going to make your ruddy minds up? I've got people waiting.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25- Why don't we start with the sweet and work backwards?- That's better.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28We've got ice cream. What kind?
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Rook and raspberry ripple.
0:06:33 > 0:06:39I'm going to plump for the rook cocktail, followed by roast rook,
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- with the rook meringue.- So will I.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44About bleedin' time, an' all.
0:06:44 > 0:06:49- We could just walk out. - Oh, I don't like doing that.
0:06:49 > 0:06:55- It's a complete rook.- The name of the restaurant told us that. We can't sue them.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Sorry, rook's off.
0:06:58 > 0:07:03- What?- Rook's off.- Right, we'll go somewhere else. Thank you.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06We'll have a little Chinese.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11- We've got a bit of stewed tortoise left.- Tortoise? Why didn't you say?
0:07:11 > 0:07:16We'll have stewed tortoise for two. Lovely. Yum-yum-yum-yum-yum!
0:07:20 > 0:07:24APPLAUSE
0:07:26 > 0:07:31I'm told they're still serving that tortoise recipe in the BBC canteen.
0:07:31 > 0:07:38I ordered it once, but I don't know what it tastes like. Took so long to get to me.
0:07:38 > 0:07:43Shall we waffle on like this, or shall we do another sketch?
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- I'm easy.- There's no answer to that, is there?
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Let's have a look at this one.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- Hello, old chap.- Hello!
0:07:56 > 0:08:03Monte Carlo Robinson! Good heavens, Monte Carlo. Haven't seen you for ages. I'll join you in a minute.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08Monte Carlo? That's a damn funny name, isn't it?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11It was all the rage in those days.
0:08:11 > 0:08:17One named one's child after the place he or she was, in fact, conceived, as it were.
0:08:17 > 0:08:22Apparently the Robinsons had a cracking good time in Monte Carlo.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26Hence, he is called Monte Carlo.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30- Of course. I remember now. I know his brother.- Really?
0:08:30 > 0:08:36- He's called Monte Carlo as well. They must have gone there every year.- Probably.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- Hello, old chap.- Hello, Nancy.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Nancy?
0:08:51 > 0:08:55He was actually conceived in Nancy, you see?
0:08:55 > 0:08:59The car broke down on the way to Monte Carlo.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- He's since been anglicised.- Has he?
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- And is now called... is now called Nancy.- Yes.
0:09:06 > 0:09:11The way cars break down, there must be Nancy boys everywhere.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17- Hello there, old chap. - Hello, Ramsgate.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Ramsgate? Are you Ramsgate Fanshaw?
0:09:24 > 0:09:30Obviously, your parents couldn't wait till they got on the ferry.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41Tell me, Henshaw. You're not named after the place you were...?
0:09:41 > 0:09:46- No, absolutely not. Certainly not. - A letter, Mr Fanshaw.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Thank you, Romford.
0:09:49 > 0:09:55I say, this isn't for me. This is for you, Henshaw. Not Fanshaw.
0:09:55 > 0:10:00- What terrible writing. What is that Christian name?- Never mind that.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Be patient, my dear...
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Park Bench.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11APPLAUSE
0:10:11 > 0:10:17During our 15 years together, we spent a lot of our time in pubs.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21At least, our characters did. Not us, personally.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26- No. I'm not sure about the writers, though.- No. I'm saying nothing.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31But here is a pub sketch that was a particular favourite.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- Hello, Bert. What'll you have? - I'll have a pint of...
0:10:40 > 0:10:45- Pint of mild?- No.- Bitter?- No.- Mild and bitter?- No, pint of shandy.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Oh, shandy. Pint of shandy, Jack.
0:10:48 > 0:10:53- I haven't seen you lately.- No, I've been off...- Off on holiday?- No.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- Off beer? What?- No. Off colour.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01- Off colour? What's been the matter? - I got strange feelings in my...
0:11:01 > 0:11:08- In your stomach?- No, in...- In your back?- No, in...- In your side? No, in... In your backside?
0:11:08 > 0:11:14- No, in my lunch hour.- What sort of feelings, then? What feelings?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Well, it happened in the canteen.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21- I was sitting opposite this woman and she got...- A look in her eye?
0:11:21 > 0:11:27- No, one of those...- Hour-glass figures?- No, apple turnovers.
0:11:27 > 0:11:32- She got this apple turnover and she kept, erm...- Turning it over?- No.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- She kept toying with it.- Toying.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40- Oh, there we are.- Lovely. - Thanks, Jack. Cheers.- Cheers.
0:11:40 > 0:11:45Anyway, we were sitting opposite each other at this little table.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50- I suddenly felt her...- Hand on your knee?- No.- Hand on your other knee?
0:11:50 > 0:11:54- No.- What did you feel, then? What's she got her hand on?
0:11:54 > 0:12:00- No, well, I felt her looking at me, you know?- Oh, looking at you.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05I could tell she fancied me. We got chatting about gardening.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08It came up that I'm very good on...
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- On the lawn?- No.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- No, I'm very good on... - On Friday nights?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17- I'm very good on pest control.- Oh.
0:12:17 > 0:12:25So she said to me, "What are you doing Saturday?" I said, "Shopping. The wife will be in bed with..."
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- With any luck?- No.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- With her trouble.- What trouble?
0:12:30 > 0:12:37- Ever since she worked in a Greek restaurant, she's had bad...- Bad habits?- No, bad...- Bad breath?- No.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- Bad feet.- Oh, has she?- Yeah.
0:12:40 > 0:12:45So she said, "Look, you come round. I could sunbathe on the patio.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- "You could look at my big..." - Big what?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Begonias.
0:12:51 > 0:12:56At first I refused because I was a bit taken aback.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01- I said I couldn't because I didn't have a long enough, erm...- What?
0:13:01 > 0:13:06- I didn't have a long enough, erm... - What? Garden spray?- No.
0:13:06 > 0:13:11- Long enough shopping list to be out that long.- You never went?- I went.
0:13:11 > 0:13:17She pleaded with me. She said if I didn't go round there, she'd be lying there on her...
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- On her back?- No.- On her front?- No.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- On her begonias?- No.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- No, on her own.- On her own.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28So there she was in her sun-suit.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33I said to her, "I'd like to kiss you." She immediately got on her...
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Hands and knees?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- No, on her high horse.- Oh.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44She said, "Certainly not. I think you're a little, erm..."
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- A little raver?- No. - A little drunk?- No, a little...
0:13:48 > 0:13:52- A little premature. - Oh, a little premature drunk.
0:13:52 > 0:13:59She said, "I've only known you an hour. You'll have to wait another ten minutes."
0:13:59 > 0:14:05- Then she went indoors.- Oh.- I tidied up the rockery, then went indoors.
0:14:05 > 0:14:11- She was waiting for me in the all...- In the altogether? - No, in the 'all of the 'ouse.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16A nice time was had by all. She gave me a round of...
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- A round of applause? - A round of...- A round of golf?- No.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23A round of toast and a cup of tea.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28- I got home, very worried.- Why? - I thought the wife would find out.
0:14:28 > 0:14:35- You know what she gave me?- What? - She gave me a bunch of...- A bunch of fives?- No, a bunch of begonias.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39APPLAUSE
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Here is the next sketch.
0:14:44 > 0:14:51Bear in mind that nowadays, this would be about mobile phones. Back then, they hadn't been invented.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Hello? Hello, Simon. Gerald here.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Hello, Doris? It's me, Walter.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- How are you, old man? - All right, thanks.
0:15:27 > 0:15:33Simon, I had to ring you up to find out how you got on with that fabulous new girl.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38Not too bad. There were one or two things I couldn't get hold of.
0:15:38 > 0:15:43Oh, yes. I know the kind of girl. Did you take her somewhere exotic?
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Sainsbury's.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Oh. Bianca Jagger goes there, doesn't she?
0:15:50 > 0:15:54I think the best thing I can do is to go through the list.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58Yes. What was she like? What sort of girl?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- French bread.- Oh.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Bloomers, two large.
0:16:05 > 0:16:10What? Kept slipping down? If you go ice-skating, you will slip down.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13And rolls for 20p.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15She doesn't?!
0:16:17 > 0:16:20What did you say her name was?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Hovis.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26I think I know her.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31- Isn't she pregnant at the moment, though?- No. No currant buns, dear.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34No, no, they'd run out.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37A tin of something for the cat.
0:16:37 > 0:16:42It all sounds very fishy to me, old sport. Very fishy indeed.
0:16:42 > 0:16:47- Did you say her parents are in oil? - Yes. The pilchards.
0:16:47 > 0:16:52She sounds a right little raver. I don't know how she had the energy.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56She said the milkman hadn't been round yet.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59That would explain it, of course.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03- What did you do? - I had to get sterilised.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Good God!
0:17:07 > 0:17:13To be on the safe side, I'll put them in the fridge when I get back.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Rather you than me, old chap.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Now, where was I?
0:17:18 > 0:17:23So she took you home and gave you a nightcap, did she? I say!
0:17:23 > 0:17:27What sort? That sounds a bit of a poofy drink.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Well, it's all she had. Fairy Liquid.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Oh, she had bitter lemon and you had something stronger?
0:17:35 > 0:17:40- Yes, three tins of curry powder. - Yes, just to keep you going, eh?
0:17:40 > 0:17:46You lucky devil. What perfume was she wearing? Something exotic?
0:17:46 > 0:17:50Salt and vinegar and smoky bacon.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55- Making a pig of herself, was she? - Sorry, that was a mistake, dear.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59- She was wearing a cross-your-heart bra?- I thought it said Oxo.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Oh, I see.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06So you took the opportunity of having a quick...
0:18:06 > 0:18:11Butcher's, yes, dear. Yes, I didn't forget the steaks.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13You saw her do what to the bra?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Fillet.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20With two portions of sirloin.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Yes, I made sure they were tender.
0:18:24 > 0:18:30You had her sitting there, nicely on the boil. Then what did you do?
0:18:30 > 0:18:35- I went across the road for some apples.- That is all you need.
0:18:35 > 0:18:41- A dog leaping into your lap.- Yes, the crunchy sort with yellow skin.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Golden retriever.- Golden delicious.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- I bet he bites.- And Cox's pippins.
0:18:50 > 0:18:56Yes, I'm sure. What a terrible thing to happen. What did you say?
0:18:56 > 0:19:02- My three minutes is up. I'll have to go, dear. - That's about all you COULD say.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06You haven't told me what this girl does for a living.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09She works at Sainsbury's?
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- (Your champagne, darling. - That's for us, later.)
0:19:13 > 0:19:18Simon, is this girl six foot, blonde, big blue eyes?
0:19:18 > 0:19:20I'm going to be late.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23I've got a fair bit to see to.
0:19:23 > 0:19:28Forget it, Simon. Sorry, old sport. You've been short-changed.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31By a little basket.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34APPLAUSE
0:19:40 > 0:19:43And so to our final sketch.
0:19:43 > 0:19:49As always, a big musical finish in which we show our prowess at music.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53He plays the drums and I play the cymbals. Just like infant school.
0:19:53 > 0:20:00Except we were performing with a real band and having to march at the same time.
0:20:00 > 0:20:06Oh, yes. They say the secret of comedy is timing. I don't think they mean this.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10BRASS BAND PLAYS
0:20:39 > 0:20:43# Evening, Jack, and how are you?
0:20:43 > 0:20:48- # Fine, how's yourself? - Don't ask me
0:20:55 > 0:21:00# Mavis put me on a diet
0:21:00 > 0:21:04# She says if my tum gets bigger
0:21:04 > 0:21:09# I'll be too fat to reach the drum, Jack
0:21:09 > 0:21:12# And lots of other things as well
0:21:29 > 0:21:33# Tell me, how's your love life, Jack?
0:21:33 > 0:21:38# Full of the joys of spring, mate
0:21:38 > 0:21:42# Is it still that six-foot brunette
0:21:42 > 0:21:44# The one with the enormous...?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46BOOM-CRASH-BOOM-CRASH
0:21:46 > 0:21:50# Yes, her name is Mary Jane
0:21:50 > 0:21:54# She works at the mattress factory
0:21:54 > 0:21:59# She says that life, like a bed, is what you make it
0:21:59 > 0:22:03# As long as you take it lying down
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- # Where did you get that hat? - I got it from the stores
0:22:12 > 0:22:16# Isn't it a little one? I think it must be yours
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- # I have got a big one - I'm quite sure of that
0:22:20 > 0:22:25- # I didn't mean my flaming head - And I didn't mean your hat
0:22:36 > 0:22:41# Old Herbert's drunk again
0:22:41 > 0:22:44# He's well away
0:22:45 > 0:22:48# He's got a bottle
0:22:48 > 0:22:54# With a rubber tube poked down his trousers
0:22:54 > 0:22:57# He sips, then plays away
0:22:57 > 0:23:01# With any luck
0:23:01 > 0:23:05# We'll all get showered with scotch
0:23:05 > 0:23:09# If he decides to blow instead of suck
0:23:18 > 0:23:22# I don't half fancy a drink myself
0:23:22 > 0:23:27# They should put beer on the national health
0:23:27 > 0:23:31# You'd see a different show tonight
0:23:31 > 0:23:37- # The band would get hissed And Mozart and Liszt - You're probably right
0:23:55 > 0:23:59# As soon as we both finish here
0:23:59 > 0:24:04# Why don't we have a meal round the Chinese?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07# Or else I shall go off my nut
0:24:07 > 0:24:11# Cos my stomach thinks my throat's been cut
0:24:11 > 0:24:15# I'd much rather go round the pub
0:24:15 > 0:24:20# To refloat my kidney that is sinking
0:24:20 > 0:24:23# I don't want to fill up with grub
0:24:23 > 0:24:28# That little space that I've reserved to pour some drink in
0:24:31 > 0:24:36# Ain't it a pity The pubs in the city All close at half past ten?
0:24:36 > 0:24:41# If I had the power They'd close for an hour Then open up again
0:24:41 > 0:24:45# I could get chronic On vodka and tonic Till any time I like
0:24:45 > 0:24:49# While a policeman watched my car I'd nip home on his bike
0:24:49 > 0:24:53# Oh, I would love to eat anything I wanted
0:24:53 > 0:24:57# Bangers and beans and enormous lumps of fried bread
0:24:57 > 0:25:01# Fed chop and chips and steak and kidney pies
0:25:01 > 0:25:08# By a girl who likes cooking Who's big and good-looking Whose dumplings are double the size
0:25:08 > 0:25:13REPEAT THEIR SONGS TOGETHER
0:25:21 > 0:25:25# And then we'd all have A damn good time
0:25:25 > 0:25:29- # All peaches and cream - And vodka and lime
0:25:29 > 0:25:33# To eat and drink Ain't a bleeding crime
0:25:33 > 0:25:38# Enough is enough Let's go and get stuffed together. #
0:25:38 > 0:25:44Here we go, then. Last number. Entry Of The Gladiators.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46See you at the stage door after.
0:25:46 > 0:25:50Hurry up. The Chinese shuts at 11. I can hardly wait.
0:25:50 > 0:25:55- # Prawn chop suey and a chicken fritter - Large Drambuie and a pint of bitter
0:25:55 > 0:25:59- # Surly waiters - Fry some potatoes Hurry up with the bleeding tomatoes
0:25:59 > 0:26:03# Three green gingers and a brandy Two dry sherries, a half of shandy
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- # I'll run amok, two crispy duck - Wishing you the best of luck
0:26:07 > 0:26:11# Herbert's drunk so much He can hardly stand
0:26:11 > 0:26:15# I have got a rather similar occasion planned
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# So, before it all gets out of hand
0:26:18 > 0:26:22# It's goodnight from the boys in the band! #
0:26:33 > 0:26:37APPLAUSE
0:26:41 > 0:26:46PROLONGED APPLAUSE, WHISTLING, CHEERING
0:26:50 > 0:26:54Well, that was a lot of fun, Ronnie.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56I loved it. Tricky bit at the end.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Yes, yes, I know. I did one crash too many.
0:27:00 > 0:27:07And I thumped when I shouldn't have done. It's embarrassing when you do that, isn't it?
0:27:07 > 0:27:12- That's the end of this week's show. We hoped you enjoyed it.- We did.
0:27:12 > 0:27:19Before we rollerblade off into the night, here's a couple of our favourite vintage news items.
0:27:19 > 0:27:24A 92-year-old Brighton man married an 18-year-old girl today.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28At the reception, her friends gave her a long, woolly comforter,
0:27:28 > 0:27:32and his friends gave him about two months.
0:27:32 > 0:27:38There was a short ceremony today at a house in Union Street, Romford,
0:27:38 > 0:27:43where Inigo Scott, the inventor of dental floss, was born.
0:27:43 > 0:27:50The Minister of Health gave a speech and unveiled a small piece of commemorative plaque.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57I love that one.
0:27:57 > 0:28:02Mr Ebenezer Mole, the world's untidiest man, died today.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05His body is now lying in a state.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09And finally, here is a police message.
0:28:09 > 0:28:14Will the man who lost eight bottles of whisky at Euston Station
0:28:14 > 0:28:21go to the lost property office by platform nine, where the man who found them has been handed in.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Once again, it's goodnight from me.
0:28:26 > 0:28:31- And it's goodnight from him. Goodnight.- Goodnight.