0:00:06 > 0:00:09# The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want
0:00:09 > 0:00:15# He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# He lea-ea-eadeth me
0:00:18 > 0:00:26# Beside the still waters...
0:00:27 > 0:00:35# ..Still waters. #
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Sorry. Where are we?Voting on a name for the new road.Good.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45So long as we don't name it after any of us.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48I hate self-publicity. What's the suggestion?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51David Horton Road.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Oh, please! In the name of all that is holy, NO.
0:00:55 > 0:01:00I agree with the vicar on this. Very poor idea, Hugo.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03I'd rather name it in memory of someone who is no longer with us.
0:01:03 > 0:01:08Someone like, say...my predecessor as chairman of the parish council.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10MURMURS OF ASSENT
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Excellent!Your predecessor...
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Your father's cousin? Whose name was?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19David Horton. That's right.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21All those in favour of naming it
0:01:21 > 0:01:27David Horton Road after my predecessor...?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Carried.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Now, Vicar, you had a couple of things?Yes.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34By the next time we meet,
0:01:34 > 0:01:39Hugo here will have married the lovely Alice Tinker.That's right.
0:01:39 > 0:01:45Dibley's answer to Michelle Pfeiffer, only much, much prettier.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47This is an ideal opportunity
0:01:47 > 0:01:52to offer him a few words of encouragement. Anyone?
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Well, certainly. Yes. I've not known what it is to be married, Hugo,
0:01:55 > 0:02:03but I still hope to plant my seed in a certain acreage of womanhood.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07But I reckon if you treat Alice
0:02:07 > 0:02:12like I treat my prize cow, you won't go far wrong...
0:02:12 > 0:02:14apart from making her eat grass
0:02:14 > 0:02:17and getting her mounted by a bull, of course.
0:02:17 > 0:02:23If you do that, you'll get arrested, like my father was.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Well, that's very helpful, Owen.
0:02:26 > 0:02:31Any words of wisdom from you, Jim?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33I-I've been married 43 years,
0:02:33 > 0:02:35and the secret of a successful marriage, Hugo,
0:02:35 > 0:02:39is sex and plenty of it.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Well, hooray.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44With as many different women as possible.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Oh, no.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Especially Orientals, cos they can..
0:02:49 > 0:02:54Thank you. That's quite enough. ..What about you, Frank?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56I've never had sex with an Oriental.
0:02:56 > 0:03:02I meant have you any words of advice?
0:03:02 > 0:03:06I can do no better than read from this week's horoscope.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10"Libra - romance is in the air,
0:03:10 > 0:03:14"and happiness shall be yours eternally."
0:03:14 > 0:03:15That's absolutely splendid.Yes.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19Except you're Capricorn.Right.
0:03:19 > 0:03:26"Capricorn - forget romance, you are heading for total catastrophe."
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Good Lord! This is totally out of the blue, Your Grace. I don't know.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34I'm aware of the importance of inner-city work,
0:03:34 > 0:03:38and I've always wanted to do missionary stuff.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42You know how fond I am of all things missionary.
0:03:42 > 0:03:49It's just... Oh, dear. It really would be very hard to leave Dibley.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Ding-dong, Avon calling!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Or rather, ding-dong,
0:03:55 > 0:03:58On the other hand, leave it with me.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01OK. Bye. And love to Rocky. ..OK.
0:04:01 > 0:04:07So, what can I do for you, quivering bride-to-be?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Well, Mum's making my wedding dress.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Mmm.I want to run it by you before she actually starts knitting.
0:04:13 > 0:04:21Knitting...
0:04:21 > 0:04:23As you can see, we're going for the traditional white.Good idea.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28With red and blue stripes, just to give it that British look.Right.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Hence the policeman's helmet, also? Yeah.Right.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33And the Flopsy bunnies, will they work?
0:04:33 > 0:04:39Definitely. They balance out Tarka the otter.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42It would look very odd with just an otter.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Yes. Well, that I don't deny.
0:04:46 > 0:04:52And then for my train, she thought.. Thomas the tank engine.Right.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Along with Percy and Gordon.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57It's quite a lot to pull up the aisle - three steam engines.
0:04:57 > 0:05:03No, they'll be very light. She's making them out of lino.
0:05:03 > 0:05:09What do you think? Can I be brutally honest?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12As brutally honest as you want.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15As long as you don't say anything nasty or critical.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Well, working within those particular parameters,
0:05:18 > 0:05:22I love this dress.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Oh, Brillo Pads!
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Excuse me.
0:05:27 > 0:05:32Mrs Alice Horton. David, Hugo, come on in.
0:05:32 > 0:05:38Hello, husband-to-be. Hello, wife-to-be.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Hello, father-in-law-to-be.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Hello, Miss Tinker.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Tea, Alice?OK.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Bye-bye, Daddio. Doo-doo.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56It's like the planet of the Clangers in here.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I've invited a lot of family and friends,
0:05:58 > 0:06:03so I want to make sure this wedding's not a total embarrassment.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07Oh, fear not. Hugo and I have kept a very careful eye on things.Yes.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12All the catering is sorted out. Good old Burger King.Yes.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Can't have too many gherkins at a wedding.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20And we've been tweaking your speech.
0:06:20 > 0:06:27Yes, your joke about the Australian stung by a snake on his todger.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31I'll just go and help Alice. Would you like to sit down?
0:06:31 > 0:06:36Oh, my God!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Please tell me she's not wearing this!
0:06:38 > 0:06:41No, that's just a drawing.
0:06:41 > 0:06:47She'll be wearing the finished dress,
0:06:47 > 0:06:47She'll be wearing the finished dress,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49She'll be wearing the finished dress,
0:06:49 > 0:06:50She'll be wearing the finished dress,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52sculpted from only the finest-quality wool and linoleum.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55And what's that?That is Bobby Moore receiving the World Cup in 1966.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58If she wears this dress, I am not coming! This is just what I feared.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Vicar, I will see you at drinks on Tuesday,
0:07:02 > 0:07:10by when I expect to hear that changes have been made.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Oh, when he kisses me I go all goose-pimply,
0:07:23 > 0:07:25like a great big pimply goose.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Oh, it's all going to be so perfect!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29I have been having second thoughts about this dress.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34Really? You think I should go nude? No.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36It's a thought. I just think it should be simpler.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41Oh, you mean like lots of hearts or something?Yeah.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43With a different Dr Who in each one?
0:07:43 > 0:07:48NO.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Hi. Welcome to the party. Come in.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55Let me take your coat.Oh, great.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Nice blouse!Oh, thank you. My mum knocked it up from some curtains.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03Fun.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Hello, Vicar.Hello, Hugo.
0:08:06 > 0:08:12I got so lucky. SO many girls don't have any dress sense at all.
0:08:12 > 0:08:17Oh, God. I've forgotten to put my make-up on. ..Oh, hell.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Who cares? It's the woman inside that counts, eh, Ali-pally?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Every time, Vic-stick.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26BOTH: Girl power!
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Geraldine, I'd like you to meet my little brother Simon.
0:08:30 > 0:08:36Well, hello.
0:08:36 > 0:08:44Would you excuse me just, er...?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Move it!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58..Hi, I'm Geraldine!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Yes, I've heard you on the radio. It's very amusing.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Was I? Oh, was I?
0:09:03 > 0:09:07A very funny story about the choirboy and the cucumber.Thanks.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12So, you're the prodigal brother. In what way prodigal?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Too much drink. Too much sex.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19Too little responsibility.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20Ah-huh-ha.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Well, that's my kind of prodigal.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26So, here we are - total strangers trying to find out
0:09:26 > 0:09:30more about each other.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35So just plucking a question totally at random - are you married?
0:09:35 > 0:09:41No, my wife died six years ago. Good...God! How awful.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Yeah, well, it's a long time now.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47So, is there another special lady in your life at the moment?No.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51But you'd like one! Yes, I'd love one.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Point me towards a buxom blonde
0:09:55 > 0:10:01and I'd be out of that door like a bullet out of a great big gun.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Blonde... Right. Blonde...
0:10:03 > 0:10:08Well, I suppose blondes are valuable people too.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12I'm looking forward to the rehearsal.You're coming?
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Wild dinosaurs wouldn't keep me away.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18I want to see you in action, Vicar.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22Oh, please, just call me Geraldine. Hey, just call me Gerry!
0:10:22 > 0:10:30Actually, forget the ruddy vowels, just call me Grr.Grr, it is.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33DOORBELL
0:10:33 > 0:10:35# De-de de de de DE... #
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Hello, Jim. Come on in.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39What can I do for you this merry day?
0:10:39 > 0:10:43There's something I'd like to try out on you.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Oi-oi.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45It's my best-man speech.
0:10:45 > 0:10:53Nothing I'd like better!
0:10:53 > 0:10:58Right, well... Ladies and gentlemen, pray silence for the best man.
0:10:58 > 0:11:04I would like to begin with a quotation
0:11:04 > 0:11:12from that great song of Abba's.
0:11:13 > 0:11:18Kn-Kn-Kno... Kn-Kn-Kno... Knowing me...
0:11:18 > 0:11:26Kn-Kn-Kno... Kn-Kn-Kno... Knowing you...
0:11:26 > 0:11:30I'm going for some water from the kitchen. I'll still be listening.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Right.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Know... Know... Know...
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Knowing me...
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Know... Know... Know... Knowing you...
0:11:42 > 0:11:47Ah-ha...
0:11:47 > 0:11:49There is nothing we can do
0:11:49 > 0:11:52We just have to face it this time
0:11:52 > 0:11:55We are through
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Now I hear you saying Why has he chosen
0:11:59 > 0:12:05Know... Know... Know... Know... Knowing me?
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Just going to get a biscuit as well.
0:12:08 > 0:12:16Know... Know... Know... Knowing you.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Surely, that song is about divorce?
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Right!
0:12:19 > 0:12:23But that is my point.
0:12:23 > 0:12:29You see, know...know...know... know...know...knowing Hugo
0:12:29 > 0:12:36and know...know...know... know...know...knowing Alice,
0:12:36 > 0:12:43I am sure, unlike Abba, they will never divorce.
0:12:44 > 0:12:52She said ten. I can't imagine what's held her up.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Morning.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02Morning.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Simon not here? No, something else came up.Oh.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06Right. Some dinosaurs perhaps. Pardon?Nothing.
0:13:06 > 0:13:14Right. Let's get started, shall we?
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Jim, have you got the ring?
0:13:17 > 0:13:21No, I haven't.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24No, I know you haven't got it now,
0:13:24 > 0:13:26but you will have it on the day? That's right.
0:13:26 > 0:13:31Right. So... Have you got the ring?
0:13:31 > 0:13:35No. I'll have it on the day.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Right. Moving on, then.
0:13:38 > 0:13:44Owen, it's a wedding video. It's not Schindler's List.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Oh, Alice, this one's filthy!
0:13:46 > 0:13:50Sorry. Please excuse me. I've got to get ready for evensong.Right.
0:13:50 > 0:13:55I-I'll leave you to it. ..Oh, hello, Uncle Simon.Hi, bog brush.
0:13:55 > 0:14:01I'm sorry I missed the rehearsal.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03It's that bloody motorway. Don't worry.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Shall I help you with that? No, I do it every day.
0:14:06 > 0:14:14Actually, if you could help at the back... Thanks.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Well, hello! Blondie!
0:14:18 > 0:14:26What this? This is just a whim, just a whimsical whim.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28That's me for you - born whimy.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31I planned to go out for dinner this evening, get away from big brother.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34I was wondering, would you join me?
0:14:34 > 0:14:41Yeah, wouldn't mind.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Don't forget my hen party tonight, Geraldine. I'll be round at eight.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Ah. God obviously hates me.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53Another day.Another day. How about tomorrow?
0:14:53 > 0:14:56I have to get back to Liverpool straight after the reception.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01Liverpool?Yes, I'm "your friend in the north."
0:15:01 > 0:15:09Oh, blondie... I'll see you at the wedding.
0:15:15 > 0:15:21Now I'm anybody's!
0:15:21 > 0:15:26This is the best party I've ever been to in my whole life.Is it?
0:15:26 > 0:15:30Me too. It's wild, isn't it?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Everybody's been so nice, haven't they?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36I can't imagine a better best man than Jim.
0:15:36 > 0:15:41I think his speech is going to be a real highlight.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Oh, dear Frank agreeing to give me away!Yes.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48It would have been nice to have had Mr Horton,
0:15:48 > 0:15:49being my actual biological father,
0:15:49 > 0:15:54but for obvious reasons that's not possible.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Sorry, sorry. Just slipped
0:15:56 > 0:16:02into a parallel universe where nothing made sense.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05You said Mr Horton was your father. Yes. He didn't bring me up,
0:16:05 > 0:16:09but Mum said that one night they had a "stand" together
0:16:09 > 0:16:15and that makes him my biological father.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Gateway to hell wide open now.
0:16:18 > 0:16:26I suppose that's one reason Hugo and me get on so well - being related.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31COCK CROWS
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Nobody would know...
0:16:34 > 0:16:41..until the day the first child was born...
0:16:41 > 0:16:43with eight legs...
0:16:43 > 0:16:46and webbed feet...
0:16:46 > 0:16:51and fur.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54HUMS "DUELLING BANJOS"
0:16:54 > 0:16:56DOORBELL RINGS
0:16:56 > 0:16:57And there she is.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Our first glimpse of the vicar
0:16:59 > 0:17:02on this very special wedding day. What are you doing?
0:17:02 > 0:17:09Are you all right, Vicar?I'm just a bit off-colour. I've a cold coming.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14Like me to rub some Vick on your chest?
0:17:14 > 0:17:17No, that won't be necessary.Shame.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Owen, I'm going to have to cancel the wedding.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Because of a sniffle?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25No, because I just found out last night
0:17:25 > 0:17:31that Alice's biological father is David Horton.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35That's right. What's the problem?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Sorry? Has the British legal and ethical system
0:17:38 > 0:17:41entirely bypassed Dibley?
0:17:41 > 0:17:45David Horton! You do know who I mean?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Yes. The cousin of our David Horton's father.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49His predecessor on the council.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53Dirty Dave Horton, the stud of Stadhampton.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Oh, right! Right! Obviously!
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Oh, Owen.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03I love you. Shall we go to bed, then?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06No.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07CHURCH BELLS RING
0:18:07 > 0:18:14Oh, I'd better hurry.
0:18:14 > 0:18:22ORGAN PLAYS "HERE COMES THE BRIDE"
0:18:50 > 0:18:54We come together to witness the marriage of Alice and Hugo.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Before we begin, we'll sing one of Alice's favourite hymns.
0:18:56 > 0:19:01I say "hymn"...
0:19:01 > 0:19:05ORGAN MUSIC
0:19:05 > 0:19:08# Come a little bit closer, baby Get it on, get it on tonight
0:19:08 > 0:19:12# Tonight
0:19:12 > 0:19:16# When two become o-one
0:19:16 > 0:19:20# I need some love like I've never needed love before...
0:19:20 > 0:19:23# I wanna make love to you, baby!
0:19:23 > 0:19:29# Now I'm back for more... I wanna make love to you, baby
0:19:29 > 0:19:32# Set your spirit free
0:19:32 > 0:19:39# It's the only way to be-e-e-e. #
0:19:39 > 0:19:42If any person here knows of any just cause or impediment
0:19:42 > 0:19:45why these two should not be joined together in matrimony,
0:19:45 > 0:19:51let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56Yes! >
0:19:56 > 0:20:00I do.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01The groom is already married.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06He married me three years ago, and don't let him deny it.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10I've got the marriage certificate to prove it.
0:20:10 > 0:20:18Oh, sorry. Wrong church.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Have you got the ring?
0:20:43 > 0:20:51Yes.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05No.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Right.
0:21:06 > 0:21:12With this ring, I thee wed.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13With this ring...
0:21:13 > 0:21:18..I thee wed.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23With my body, I thee worship.
0:21:23 > 0:21:31W-W-W-W...
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Repeat after me -
0:21:36 > 0:21:41I, Alice Springs Tinker...
0:21:41 > 0:21:44..take thee, Hugo Horton...
0:21:44 > 0:21:48..take thee, Hugo Horton...
0:21:48 > 0:21:51..to be my lawful wedded husband...
0:21:51 > 0:21:57..to be my lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold...
0:21:57 > 0:22:00..to have and to hold...
0:22:00 > 0:22:06..from this day forward... ..for richer, for poorer...
0:22:06 > 0:22:12..for better, for worse, till death us do part. Amen.
0:22:12 > 0:22:19..in sickness and in health... Yes, in that too.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21I know true love when I see it,
0:22:21 > 0:22:25and I saw it in this pair from the moment I arrived in Dibley.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29I also know true insanity.
0:22:29 > 0:22:37I think I've had a little glimpse of that too.
0:22:37 > 0:22:44And so, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47You may kiss the bride.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49No, Jim.
0:22:49 > 0:22:57Not you.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11# Wild thing You make my heart sing
0:23:11 > 0:23:19# You make everything...groovy. #
0:23:21 > 0:23:29BELLS RING
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Splendid service, Vicar.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40I'll throw my bouquet. Ready?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43I wonder who the next bride will be.
0:23:43 > 0:23:50Don't tell me you believe in all that superstitious nonsense.
0:23:50 > 0:23:58THUMP-THUMP
0:24:06 > 0:24:07Ah! Gosh.
0:24:07 > 0:24:14Looks like it's me.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15Here we are. Oh, thank you.
0:24:15 > 0:24:23Ahem.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30While Alice and Hugo are getting ready,
0:24:30 > 0:24:32I'd like to make a small announcement.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34A speech for every occasion, eh?
0:24:34 > 0:24:38I'd just like to say that today was a very special wedding for me
0:24:38 > 0:24:43because I am, in fact, going to be leaving Dibley.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47So it was my last marriage here.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50I'm going to miss you all to bits, obviously.
0:24:50 > 0:24:56It's just that I feel the real problems are in the inner cities,
0:24:56 > 0:25:02so I'm going to a new parish in Liverpool.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05And I happen to know a couple of tall people there,
0:25:05 > 0:25:09so I think the whole experience will be very satisfying.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13Thank you.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Vicar, for the first time in my life I'm speechless.
0:25:17 > 0:25:22Well, not the first time.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25As a baby, I was speechless, obviously.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29And in 1972, I lost my voice for a day,
0:25:29 > 0:25:35so in a sense I was speechless then...Dear Frank.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36You're the best vicar we've ever had.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Thank you.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42All the others were ugly bastards.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45You're a very tender human being.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48You've been just wonderful,
0:25:48 > 0:25:53and after you we want another woman vicar...Turned you into a feminist!
0:25:53 > 0:25:59..with a lovely arse, like yours. I spoke too soon.
0:25:59 > 0:26:04So you're becoming a Liver bird. It's gonna be great.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08What a cruel sod Fate is. David's asked me to run the estate for him.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10I shall be moving to Dibley.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Really?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Dibley?
0:26:15 > 0:26:23It's such a pity. We could have really got to know each other good.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Excuse me.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Sorry. Just another teeny change of plan.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Vicar. Sod it, I'll tell you later.
0:26:33 > 0:26:41Big hand for the bride and groom, who are in their going-away gear!
0:26:44 > 0:26:49We're off to Barbados.
0:26:49 > 0:26:54Quite amusing, actually. I've put a little firework in the exhaust pipe.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56No, no, no? So did I.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Oh, dear. Me too.
0:26:59 > 0:27:06EXPLOSIONS
0:27:06 > 0:27:12I must say, I think marriage looks rather good fun, don't you, Vicar?
0:27:12 > 0:27:20Well, don't quote me on it, but, er...yes, I do.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51So, the man from McDonald's goes to the Pope and says,
0:27:51 > 0:27:54"Holy Father, I have a proposition for you.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56"I will give the Church a million quid
0:27:56 > 0:28:01"if every time you say the Lord's Prayer,
0:28:01 > 0:28:05you say 'Give us this day our daily hamburger.' "Mm.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08The Holy Father thinks about this and he says,
0:28:08 > 0:28:12"My son, I cannot change the holy text."
0:28:12 > 0:28:16So the man says, "OK. 50 million quid."
0:28:16 > 0:28:20So the Pope says, "I'll put it to the cardinals."
0:28:20 > 0:28:25So he says to his cardinals, "I've some good news and some bad news.
0:28:25 > 0:28:30"The good news is that I can get the Church 50 million smackeroonies.
0:28:30 > 0:28:36"The bad news is we'll have to lose the contract with Wonderloaf."
0:28:36 > 0:28:39You see, cos they already had a deal going...
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Over the daily bread.Do you get it?
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Brilliant.
0:28:44 > 0:28:49Oh, you get it. What a relief!
0:28:49 > 0:28:57Stay.