0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:07They say you need to do something for 10,000 hours to be an expert at it.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Guess what Jock is an expert at?
0:00:10 > 0:00:12I've got to stop, me mouth's killing me.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Do you want to do it again tomorrow?
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Not tomorrow. We could get lockjaw if we do too much of it.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24What's wrong with you now?
0:00:24 > 0:00:26I thought we were going out.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Look, I can't talk to you when you're all emotional.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33We'll chat about it tomorrow.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34OK.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Is she, like, your girlfriend now or something?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Jesus, no.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45She seems to think so.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46That's her problem.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Jock is like a mentor to me when it comes to women,
0:01:01 > 0:01:05and the best person to talk to when it comes to relationship advice.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Having a girlfriend's like buying a bike in the shop.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09What's the point when you can steal a different one every day?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- The city's full of them. - That's all right for you to say.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13You're good at stealing bikes.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16I'd be happy with just one nice, reliable bike.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Yeah, but would you not like to ride a load of different bikes
0:01:18 > 0:01:20before deciding on the one that you want?
0:01:20 > 0:01:23I kind of already know the one I like.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24All right, fair enough.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Give me the make and model, and I'll nick it for you.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Wait, we are talking about girls, aren't we?
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I thought we switched to bikes.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Fuck!
0:01:40 > 0:01:41There's Sergeant Healy.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44He's basically a shit Irish Terminator.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59You know, it's really great to be such an inspiration
0:01:59 > 0:02:02to the younger kids in our neighbourhood.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Get out the way!
0:02:03 > 0:02:05KIDS SHOUT
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- Hurry, hurry, hurry! - I AM fucking hurrying!
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Get back here, lads!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- Come, on this way! Quick! - Thank you, Mrs McCarthy!
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Open the fucking door!
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Ah, Jesus Christ!
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Our school used to be an all-boys school, but they introduced girls
0:02:57 > 0:03:00in the mid-'90s to reduce fighting at lunch break.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Take that out of your nose. I won't tell you again.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07And stop holding hands. Stop.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Last thing I'd want to be doing on a hot day
0:03:09 > 0:03:11is holding someone's sweaty hand.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15# Looking all around when she's in town
0:03:15 > 0:03:16# Looking all around. #
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Is that the...
0:03:21 > 0:03:23..the bike you were on about earlier?
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Is it?
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I'll help you get with her if you like, but you've got to be careful.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Do you remember what happened to Seany?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Seany fell in love with this wan called Dicey Dearbhla,
0:03:34 > 0:03:36and she ended up giving him the flick.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37It's over!
0:03:38 > 0:03:40He used to be gifted at stealing shit,
0:03:40 > 0:03:41but his heart just wasn't in it any more.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43HE CRIES
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- Oi, come on! - Get off of me!
0:03:46 > 0:03:48He got six months in jail because of that.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Then when he got out, he saw her with another fella.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Now he's a drug addict living on the streets.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Jesus.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Love will do that to you.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59As soon as you start to like her too much, you've got to break it off.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00Got it.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03What are you doing?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Going to ask if she wants to shift you after school.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- No fucking way. - Why not?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11You need to go through the levels. First you stare at them,
0:04:11 > 0:04:15then they catch you, and then you go over and explain why you're staring.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Has that ever worked for you?
0:04:23 > 0:04:25I'll tell you what, I'll get with her sister, Siobhan.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27That way, we'll be like a foursome hanging out,
0:04:27 > 0:04:30then eventually, Linda will get bored and she'll have to shift you.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Thanks.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- How's it going?- How you getting on? - Not too bad.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40We were just eyeing you up there, we saw a bit of a ring.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43We could see it shining. Can I have a look at it?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Got it in the Savoy. - Is that from the Savoy?- Yeah.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Do up your tie, will you? Do up your tie.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51Up, up, up, up, up, up.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54All the way, all the way, all the way. All the way.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Your hands are so soft. - It's the moisturising.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Do you use that stuff?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- BOTH:- Moisturiser. - Yeah, yeah.- Yeah.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Come on, you know the rules. Stop holding hands.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Anyone wearing trainers with their uniform,
0:05:16 > 0:05:17you've been warned enough times.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Take them off now. Spend the rest of the day in your socks.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I thought getting a girlfriend would involve something simple,
0:05:29 > 0:05:32like telling them you like them and asking them to go out with you,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34but it's actually a lot more complicated than that.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Linda has to see you shifting someone else.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38That way, she'll think you're the man.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41- This him?- Yeah.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43This is Janette, she was one of my first.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Good kisser, no bullshit.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46JANETTE SNORTS
0:05:46 > 0:05:49This needs to look natural, like the two of you have done it
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- loads before, and Linda, the black one, has to be watching.- Yep.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Let's get on with it.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05We've been waiting here ages. Mam and Da are picking us up soon.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Yeah, sorry. Janette had to stop to get a tampon from the shop.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Yeah.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12You want to shift?
0:06:12 > 0:06:13Yeah, all right, then.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- Hi, Linda. - Hi.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25This is Janette.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Hiya.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36JANETTE SNORTS
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Ready?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Come on, then.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Did you ever try and kiss someone
0:06:49 > 0:06:51when you know someone else is watching?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53You start picturing what they see, and end up trying to do it better
0:06:53 > 0:06:55based on what you think you look like.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Why are you combing my hair?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03I'm not combing, I'm caressing.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05What does caressing mean?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Er, it's like when you touch something really lovingly.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- Love?- Well, not love, like, I didn't mean that.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- I don't love you. - You'd better not!
0:07:14 > 0:07:16This is fucked up. I'm going.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21She's obviously not having a good day.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Clearly.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25I mean, I don't know why she got so upset.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Using your hands shows initiative.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34The way you held her and the way you touched her and...
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Yeah.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39..the way you held your body around her, your body language.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I think it was pretty romantic.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Well, like, tell me if I'm wrong, but isn't this nice?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Oh, yeah, it's really nice. - Oh, your hair's way better!
0:07:46 > 0:07:47- Yeah!- It feels like ropes.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50No, it's not like ropes, but, yeah, I get your point, though.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Yeah. She must have a thing about her hair.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57It's not even like she was that good.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Her tongue was like...
0:07:59 > 0:08:00..like an angry snake.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- Are you OK?- Yeah, thanks.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Shit, fuck. Sorry, no...
0:08:14 > 0:08:16You got a tissue?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Are you sure?- Go for it. It's fine, it needs washed anyway.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22- Positive?- Yeah.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Thanks.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Er...
0:08:30 > 0:08:32You've got just a little bit left.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- Oh, I...- No, it's fine.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44You've got to hand it to Jock.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46His advice on girls is pretty much idiot-proof.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I thought you said they were meeting friends. Like, girl friends.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Why, what's wrong with them?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58They're the worst!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01They are literally the worst two fellas in the school!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Oh, I hate them. I hate them!
0:09:04 > 0:09:08They're only having a chat with two fellas on a bench, for God's sake.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Orla, this is where it starts.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13They talk on the bench, and then they go back to the house.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15They say, "Let's chill."
0:09:15 > 0:09:17That's the words they use, then they don't chill.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Barry, you're going to have to trust the girls.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21You know that, like, OK?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- I'm going to go over and say hello. - Yeah, go over and say hello,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27and don't embarrass the girls in front of their two friends.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35HE COUGHS EXAGGERATEDLY
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Jock. Conor.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44- All right so? - Hi, sir.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Girls, your mam's in the car, waiting for you.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48I'll be over in a minute.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Can I sit down?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07See you and Linda and Siobhan are getting very friendly these days.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Just like to ask you what your intentions are...
0:10:12 > 0:10:13..man-to-man.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Is this one of them conversations about protection?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:10:38 > 0:10:40What's up with him?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Calm down now, Barry. Barry...
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- You're not hanging out with them any more.- Barry...
0:10:47 > 0:10:49..necking their face off!
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Barry, would you just drive the fucking car?!
0:10:53 > 0:10:55ENGINE STARTS
0:11:00 > 0:11:03That's me da there. He died a few years back.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Some dickhead dropped a hammer off a roof.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Watch out!
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Jesus Christ!
0:11:13 > 0:11:14How come you ended up with Dad?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Same as everyone else - I got pregnant.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22You didn't have to marry him, though. What did you like about him?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Is this about a girl?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26No, fuck off.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Relax! Jesus.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47After your dad got me up the pole, I was raging.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Couldn't even look at him.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I'd say a month went by.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57He'd be calling every day, and I'd be saying I wasn't in.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00But then another month went by, I didn't hear from him at all.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03I was feeling like shit,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06so your grandad brought me down to his workshop,
0:12:06 > 0:12:08and he showed me a wooden cot he'd made.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12It was ugly as fuck.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15But so much thought had gone into it.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Then he told me that your dad was down there every day
0:12:19 > 0:12:21for the last month, making it with him.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Wasn't the smartest, your dad.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30But he knew if he won your grandad over, he'd have me too.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34AS VOICEOVER: I like to think that, someday,
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I might be doing carpentry with Linda's da.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39DOORBELL RINGS
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Hiya.
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Hi.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Can I come in?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Being a good criminal is all about keeping your cool
0:13:06 > 0:13:08when confronted by the Guards.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13Hiya.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Just checking in you're OK after that ordeal in the school last week.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18I'm fine.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22And you're OK?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Yeah. Fine.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Brought you some biscuits.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35There was no need.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I wanted to.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Thanks.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Maybe I'll leave you my number,
0:13:43 > 0:13:45just in case you ever need a Guard for something.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48Can I not just dial 999?
0:13:51 > 0:13:55Well, if you can't get through, you'll have this as a backup.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56OK.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I'll show myself out.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Bye.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07Bye.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19What was that about?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Fucked if I know.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39- Boop! - What are you doing?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- It's a boop. - A boop?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Yeah, you do it to someone you think is cute.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Lads.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Siobhan was telling me inside the bathrooms that he was after
0:14:49 > 0:14:51- getting off with four girls through the week.- Siobhan Casey?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Yeah.- She's a fucking bitch.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56So? She's telling the truth, like.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Everyone knows that's the way Jock is.
0:14:58 > 0:14:59I know what you're doing.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Is it like the kind of thing where it's hard to get?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03You tell me to fuck off, and then it's like
0:15:03 > 0:15:05then you always want me to come back to you.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07I've seen that in the movies.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21KNOCK AT DOOR
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Are you expecting anyone?
0:15:24 > 0:15:25No.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- Hello! - Hello, hello!
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Jesus!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Hello!
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Hi, sir. - All right?
0:15:43 > 0:15:44What do you want?
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Can we come inside?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52In here? To MY house?
0:15:57 > 0:16:00When I was younger, I used to have difficulty reading body language,
0:16:00 > 0:16:01but I'm pretty good at it these days.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Dad, what are you doing?
0:16:18 > 0:16:19- I- invited them over.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Come in, boys. Make yourselves at home.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Thank you.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27Thank you.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32SHE MOUTHS
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I don't want you upsetting our two girls, all right?
0:16:50 > 0:16:53What, as long as they just get pregnant and not upset?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55I guess that's what matters, right?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57For fuck's sake, what are you on about?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00They're here to sexually involve themselves with Linda and Siobhan.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03That's why they're here. They're not here for sausages and burgers.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06You could have warned me Jock was coming. I would have gone out.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08The only reason Jock came's because Conor wouldn't go without him.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10They're like two peas in a pod.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12We're going to have a lovely fucking evening,
0:17:12 > 0:17:14you're going to put some sausages on that barbecue,
0:17:14 > 0:17:16and you're going to fucking smile, all right?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18You're going to be a granny in nine months' time
0:17:18 > 0:17:19because you want sausages and smiles today.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Have you seen Dad's face?
0:17:27 > 0:17:28That's what he looks like now because of you.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31As long as you're happy, that's all that matters, isn't it?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Yeah, I'm glad you fucking understand that.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- Good, yeah.- Yeah.- Yeah, good. - Best behaviour now, Barry, right?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Best behaviour. All smiles.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39All smiles, exactly.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- Yeah, happy fucking days. - Yeah.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Little fucking pricks.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53There's no need to be nervous. You've seen her looking at you,
0:17:53 > 0:17:56she can't take her eyes off you since you arrived.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57I just go up and I say...
0:17:58 > 0:18:00"All right, hi, Linda."
0:18:02 > 0:18:03- IN HIGH VOICE:- "Oh, hello, Conor."
0:18:06 > 0:18:08What, that's Linda, is it?
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Yeah.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Grand, all right.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Hi, Linda.- Hello, Conor.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15So...
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Do you want to maybe...?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Do you want to be my girlfriend?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Oh, have to check my schedule to see if I'm busy.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Fuck you, so. If you don't have time for me, fuck...
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Fuck off.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29I've checked my schedule, and I'm free this weekend.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Boop!
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Are you actually? Nice. All right.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39So, what, maybe we could go out on Saturday or something?
0:18:39 > 0:18:43I'm free on Saturday, Conor, but you need to give me a kiss.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47Er...
0:18:50 > 0:18:52What the fuck are you doing, boy?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55You said, "Give me a kiss."
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Yeah,- I- didn't say that, Linda said that.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Yeah, I was kissing Linda.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Just drop it, all right? Sorry.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Hey, but I'll see you Saturday.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- Was that good? - You did well, though.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14That's the kind of thing we'll be going for.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15OK, yeah, yeah.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I'll just stay calm and collected.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19ENTHUSIASTICALLY: Hiya!
0:19:19 > 0:19:20Fucking hell, why did I do that?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- Just leave you to it, all right? - No, fucking stay!
0:19:25 > 0:19:27- No... - Stay, please!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- Please, please! Fucking hell. - Hiya.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Shit!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40- Are you all right? - Yeah!
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- How's it going? - Hiya.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46You look good.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I know.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52You OK?
0:19:52 > 0:19:53- I'm fine.- All right.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57You seem a bit moody or something.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58No.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01All right.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Fuck...
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- Are you nervous? - No, why?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27You're pulling the hairs out your 'tache.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30I'm just checking the length. It's just...
0:20:30 > 0:20:33You know, it grows so quick, you've got to keep on top of it, you know?
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Yeah, I guess, yeah.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40All right, let's cut the bullshit.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42- What bullshit?- Huh?- What?
0:20:42 > 0:20:43I just need to say something.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- OK.- So...
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Just give me a second. Sorry.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- Sir, how are you?- Mm.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Nice old selection of sausages there.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03Conor likes them short stumpy ones. Have you had them before?
0:21:03 > 0:21:06I kind of prefer the long skinny ones there.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I'd say Siobhan likes a big sausage, does she?
0:21:12 > 0:21:14So...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16..Linda...
0:21:16 > 0:21:17..do you think...?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20What do you think about...?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22If you're interested...
0:21:22 > 0:21:23HE BELCHES
0:21:23 > 0:21:25..at all, in any way, at some point...?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27In what?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Like, go with me?
0:21:29 > 0:21:32- Go where? - Just kind of in general.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33Just kind of go with me, like?
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Like, be your girlfriend?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Pff!
0:21:37 > 0:21:39No! Ha!
0:21:39 > 0:21:41No, of course not!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Ask me again.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- What?- Ask me.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Just ask me again.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Will you be my girlfriend?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53- Linda!- One second!
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Now, Linda! Your mother needs help in the kitchen.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- Just wait here two seconds. All right?- All right.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- I'll be right back to you. - All right.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04- OK. Promise.- Promise.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- Two seconds.- Two seconds.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Boom!
0:22:11 > 0:22:12What did she say?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Nothing yet, she had to go help her mam.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18But I'm pretty sure she's going to say yes, though!
0:22:21 > 0:22:22A big sausage for me, yeah?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24You're not getting any sausage!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26What's got into you?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36What are you smiling about?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Nothing.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Come on, why are you smiling?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42You can't take it off your face!
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Has it got something to do with that ride outside gawking in at you?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52He asked me to be his girlfriend, and...
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- And?- And what?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56And what did you say?
0:22:56 > 0:22:57I didn't give him an answer yet,
0:22:57 > 0:23:01I just came here because Da said you wanted me up here.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Ah, Jesus, don't leave him hanging, the poor fucker.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05He's probably bricking it.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I wouldn't tell him till next week, and make him sweat.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10That way he'll always want you, even after you dump him.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12You have a very dark side to you.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15I don't know where you get that from.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20What did I tell you?
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Ah, me balls!
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Sorry, sir. We were just doing a bit of wrestling.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45It's OK.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48I love wrestling.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53Haven't done it in ages.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Do you mind if I have a go?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00What, with me?
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Yeah.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Wait, are you being serious now, or is this one of them situations
0:24:07 > 0:24:10where I misread the signals and end up in trouble?
0:24:10 > 0:24:11No, it'll be a bit of fun.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Come on.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17What's wrong?
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Er, this just feels a bit weird.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29MUSIC: Habanera from Carmen by Bizet
0:24:45 > 0:24:47That was good. You're still good.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48It was, yeah.
0:24:50 > 0:24:51What's going on out there?
0:24:58 > 0:24:59Looks like they're wrestling.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05This should be interesting.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13That was close.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15- It's a good one, yeah?- Yeah.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Looks a bit winded there, doesn't he? Yeah.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- All right? Want to take a break? - No.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50There you are.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Do you mind if I sit down for a while?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56I just want to hug, we don't have to kiss or nothing.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- No!- Please?
0:25:59 > 0:26:01I've got this weird pain.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03A hug would definitely make it go away for a while.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Jesus Christ!
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Please?
0:26:17 > 0:26:18That's a good one.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31So you want to go out with my Linda, yeah?
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Yeah! I mean, that's all right with you.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35I really like her.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38And you think you're good enough for her?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40I don't know, really.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42But I guess that's for her to decide.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45And if she'd go out with me, I'd be the happiest fella around.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47BARRY CHUCKLES
0:26:47 > 0:26:48What's so funny?
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Do you seriously think I'd let someone like you
0:26:50 > 0:26:52go out with my Linda?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55What do you mean, "like me"?
0:26:55 > 0:26:58You're nothing but a little scumbag knacker.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I know it, Linda knows it, everybody knows it.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02And I'd never let you near her.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Jesus!
0:27:29 > 0:27:31What the fuck, Conor?
0:27:31 > 0:27:32I'm sorry!
0:27:33 > 0:27:37- Are you OK?- Stay away from him! - I'm OK, I'm OK.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40He was saying some nasty shit.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42I was doing a bit of taunting.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44That's what happens in wrestling, isn't it?
0:27:44 > 0:27:46I thought you were being serious.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Well, I wasn't.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52And even if I was, when is it OK to punch somebody in the face?
0:27:52 > 0:27:53I'm sorry.
0:27:55 > 0:27:56You need to go.
0:28:00 > 0:28:01I'll get some ice.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20He's lucky.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23If this was in school, I'd have him expelled. Hitting a teacher!
0:28:24 > 0:28:26What?
0:28:26 > 0:28:28You should be ashamed of yourself.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32A grown man fighting a 15-year-old boy!
0:28:32 > 0:28:34And do you know the worst thing?
0:28:35 > 0:28:38You're after breaking your daughter's heart.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06You know what?
0:29:06 > 0:29:09You haven't taken the time to find out anything about me.
0:29:11 > 0:29:12You don't know what food I like...
0:29:14 > 0:29:17..what I want to be when I grow up, what I'm good at, what I'm bad at.
0:29:19 > 0:29:23You just see this face, hear this accent, see my fashion sense,
0:29:23 > 0:29:25and you've just made up your mind.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29But there's more going on up here...
0:29:31 > 0:29:33..than that.
0:29:41 > 0:29:42Conor...
0:29:45 > 0:29:47..what food DO you like?
0:29:49 > 0:29:51Chicken.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07This was the first time Jock had ever been rejected,
0:30:07 > 0:30:10and he was taking it better than I expected.
0:30:10 > 0:30:11I'm not crying, boy.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13It's just hay fever.
0:30:13 > 0:30:15I didn't say nothing.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Do you want to shift me friend?
0:30:19 > 0:30:20Fuck off!
0:30:34 > 0:30:38I heard that only your first love gets to break your heart.
0:30:38 > 0:30:42After that, you spend your whole life trying to fix it.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44Siobhan's a fucking bitch, boy.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47I'm delighted I don't have to talk to her any more.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53# Stay in on the weekends
0:30:53 > 0:30:56# Watching what I'm eating
0:30:56 > 0:30:59# Dancing with my demons
0:30:59 > 0:31:01# That's how I'm dealing now
0:31:01 > 0:31:04# Drunk in the hallway
0:31:04 > 0:31:06# Pissing in the doorway
0:31:06 > 0:31:08# Finished with the foreplay
0:31:08 > 0:31:10# That's how I'm feeling now
0:31:10 > 0:31:14# This is my comeback girl This is my comeback girl
0:31:15 > 0:31:19# This is my comeback This is my comeback girl... #