0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Mam's always saying me and Jock should find part-time jobs.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08But who the fuck would hire us? She said, "Start with the people you know."
0:00:08 > 0:00:11Mam, we got to do two weeks' work experience for school,
0:00:11 > 0:00:12can we do it with you?
0:00:12 > 0:00:15- Not a fuckin' chance.- Come on. If we can't find somewhere, they're going to make us
0:00:15 > 0:00:17work with the school caretaker cleaning toilets.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20And that is, without doubt, the worst job on the planet.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23There's a kid who's been putting his shit in the hand dryers. They can't figure out who it is.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25It's just disgusting, like.
0:00:25 > 0:00:26I got caught the other day.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33I mean, who the fuck would find that funny?
0:00:34 > 0:00:37C'mon, it'll be interesting to see what the fuck you do every day.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39We're actually really interested in fish.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41- Please, Mam! - Yeah, please, Mam!
0:00:41 > 0:00:43I'm not yer fuckin' mam. I didn't adopt you.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45BOTH: Please!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53It doesn't take a genius to figure out that working for a living is for dickheads.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56- Come on. Get up! - But it's fucking dark?!
0:00:56 > 0:00:57You have to get up too early...
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Got any clean jocks?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04You've to travel on a bus with a bunch of langers.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10You have to put up with annoying customers rattling on about some shit you don't care about.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Give me two of them skins.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- You're overworked...- I cut myself. - ..and under appreciated.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18I would ask you what you want but I can't fucking reach.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Don't cuss in front of customers.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21And you've fuck all to show for it.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Where's the rest of my dinner?
0:01:22 > 0:01:26I've got two of you dickheads to feed now instead of one. You try doing it on my wage.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Add some water and give it a shake.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38And then do it all over again like a dope.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Get up!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Did someone order one of these?
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Ah!
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Stay out of the way until after lunch, please. Thank you.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Five more days of this shit!
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Welcome to the Matrix.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00This is what normal people do every day of the fuckin' week.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Any chance of another 50 and I'll make it up to you in extra hours?
0:02:08 > 0:02:12- Sure, everything all right?- Yeah, it'll be grand.- Yeah? Sure?- Yeah.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17THEY PRETEND TO CHAT
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Take the trolley down to the wholesaler's and collect this order. And take as long as you want
0:02:23 > 0:02:25cos yer wreckin' everyone's heads here.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41The only good thing about this job is it comes with a set of wheels.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Behind me, is a 426lb bluefin tuna, the biggest
0:02:46 > 0:02:50caught off the coast of County Cork in many years.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Bluefin tuna, a delicacy in Japan, can reach obscene amounts of money.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59A record sale for one of these fish on the Japanese market, where
0:02:59 > 0:03:04bluefin sushi is a delicacy, believe it or not, was 1.5m euros last year!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06The one behind me isn't worth quite that,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10but should reach 50,000, according to Cork Fish wholesalers,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13who are currently accepting bids.
0:03:13 > 0:03:14Not bad for one day's fishing.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Sorry, Jim, I forgot to press record that time.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19We'll need to go again.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24Where'd you fuck off to?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27I really enjoyed loading all of this shit onto the trolley meself.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Want to make 5,000 euro for two hours work?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Sure. What's the catch?
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Tuna.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I was just talking to Sully there.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50If we can brings that big fish down to the docklands tomorrow, about midday,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52he'll have a boat waiting and a bag of cash.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Look, I've got a map.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57This is where we are, OK?
0:03:57 > 0:04:01All we gotta do is bring it from here to here without being seen.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03It's a 20-minute walk at the most.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Like, fuckin' steal it?
0:04:05 > 0:04:06Yeah, what else!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08We do it on Sunday, when no-one's around.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Your mam's fuckin' broke.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Do ya not want to help her out?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I thought I could help her out in a different way, like.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Wipe the piss off the toilet seat or...
0:04:20 > 0:04:22So you wipe up the piss that you put there?
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- Well, yeah, be a gentleman, like. - Or be a gentleman.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Flush the shit you put in the toilet, oh, that's a great service.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34She needs this money, we could help her out and say thanks for all the good she's been doing for us.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Yeah? Who cares about the wholesaler? This gaff is fucking minted.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39He lives in a big fish palace.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41He doesn't need this money, we do. Fuck him.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43We're at home counting pennies.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Mairead's working double time just to try and feed us,
0:04:45 > 0:04:47she's got two kids to look after now instead of one.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- And we're doing nothing for her, like.- Yeah.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Think about the things your mam could do with five grand.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59She could get a nice blouse or something.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Yeah. Get a George Foreman grill.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Yeah, she'd like that.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06She deserves it.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13What do you mean, you were stealing a fish?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15I was stealing a fish, like.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Why? - Because you want loads of money!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19What about the law?
0:05:19 > 0:05:20It's a bit of a grey area.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Nobody owns a fish, is the way I see it, like, you know what I mean?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25If I was to rob a car and somebody owns the car,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28you get in trouble for that, but no man can own a fish,
0:05:28 > 0:05:30because he's his own... He's his own, you know?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32HE SNIFFS
0:05:32 > 0:05:34HE SNORTS UP PHLEGM
0:05:40 > 0:05:41What's wrong with him?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51He suffers from frigidity.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57What's frigidity?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Frig..did.. Frigidity.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- Do you have enough room? Do you want...?- No, you're grand.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03- No, it's grand.- No...
0:06:05 > 0:06:07He's a fucking frigid, like?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Frigid...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- Frigid, like?- Yeah, yeah.- Yeah.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17That's what he has.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Erm, we've better head home. For dinner.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Fucking hell.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26My mam's going to kill me, so, eh?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Meself and Jock are generally into daytime crime.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Night-time crime can be very competitive.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Luckily, fish stealing is a bit of a niche market.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- When did you rob the key? - I didn't rob anything.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54I just swapped the wholesaler's lock for a similar-looking one yesterday.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59So if anyone asks, I'm opening my own lock with my own key.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01There's nothing illegal about that.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I've pretty much invented a loophole in the laws against breaking
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- and entering.- So what we're doing, can't get in trouble for?
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Not in the eyes of the law.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Well, the can be pretty stupid sometimes!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Lucky for us, there's idiots making the rules.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Jesus, it's a bit bigger than I remember.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Here's a tip if you're ever thinking about stealing a 400lb fish -
0:07:28 > 0:07:30bring a forklift.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Oh, you fucking bastard. Come here...
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Put the trolley on its side and we can slide it in.
0:07:48 > 0:07:49I'll try again.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57You nearly had it.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Nearly there.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04I'm nearly there!
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Yep, I'll give you a hand.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17One, two, three!
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Whenever we try and lift it slowly, it catches on and it goes...
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- ..so we've got to...- Catch it by surprise.- ..by surprise.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Wait, just walk away. Wait.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34So, I don't know what I'm going to do...
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Cos I just feel like sometimes...
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Right, that's it.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Here.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- Go, go, go!- Yeah.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Now we've just got to stand him up, OK?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17And once he's standing, you hold him, and I'm going to pull this out.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20OK.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23That's all right.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28One, two, three!
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Yes!
0:09:41 > 0:09:42I can't wait to see Mam's face
0:09:42 > 0:09:44when we give her the money we get for this tuna.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47I've never stolen anything for anyone else before.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49It's actually a really nice feeling.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Do you think it's a man fish or a woman fish?- A woman fish.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56How would you know?
0:09:56 > 0:09:57It's got no dick.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Fish don't have dicks.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03They have to have dicks.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06How do you think women fish get preggers?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Not sure. All I know is I've never seen a dick on a fish.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12There are three main dangers you need to be aware of when
0:10:12 > 0:10:16transporting a giant bluefin tuna through Cork city in broad daylight.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18The first one is obvious -
0:10:18 > 0:10:21any guards that might be on the lookout for a stolen fish.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23SIRENS
0:10:35 > 0:10:38The second danger is - wild animals.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Go away.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44You do not want to find yourself between them and their next meal.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Go home! Fuck off, you filthy scavenger!
0:10:47 > 0:10:51The third danger, and the worst of them all -
0:10:51 > 0:10:52rival gangs.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53What's in that thing?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55None of your fucking business.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57- Smells like a fish. - It's not a fucking fish.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Away, away!
0:11:02 > 0:11:05I'll ram the cone up ye, you stupid prick.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08I want a bit of fish for my dinner!
0:11:21 > 0:11:22No, no, no!
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Don't drop that! Hey!
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Jock has one of them brains which only really
0:11:37 > 0:11:39works well in a crisis situation.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Right, mate, what the fuck we going to do?
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Do you remember that movie were watching the other night, the black-and-white one?
0:11:45 > 0:11:46Not really.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48I just fall asleep if it's not in colour.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- Was it any good?- No, it was shit.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53But there was this gangster in it who was after killing a fella
0:11:53 > 0:11:55who'd eaten a load of diamonds.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58So, he wanted all the diamonds, but couldn't just, like, cut him open,
0:11:58 > 0:12:00because there was police outside and everything like that.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02What did he do, so?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Simple. He came up with this plan, right?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07He tied a rope round his feet, threw him into the river and
0:12:07 > 0:12:10just walked out of the city with a rope over his shoulder, like this.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Sure, nobody's going to look at a fella with a rope
0:12:12 > 0:12:14over his shoulder, they just think he's a fucking weirdo.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Walked out of the city and nobody asked him a question.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Do you get me?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- What, eat a load of diamonds?- No.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Ah, you can't just chuck the tuna in the water.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Sully's not going to want to buy a wet fish.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Oh, my God.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47What?
0:12:47 > 0:12:50All fish are wet, you tool.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51It's their natural habitat.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55There's flying fish, like.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00All right.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18# We started out strong and our hopes were high
0:13:18 > 0:13:21# We figured on being like Bonnie and Clyde
0:13:21 > 0:13:23# 25 years is an alibi
0:13:23 > 0:13:26# Had to get connected
0:13:26 > 0:13:28# So I wrote a long letter to a Government man
0:13:28 > 0:13:31# Told him I was born in the Summer of Sam
0:13:31 > 0:13:33# He said, "Son, I don't think that you understand
0:13:33 > 0:13:36# "Just wanna get elected."
0:13:36 > 0:13:38# But my heart got heavy and my hair grew long
0:13:38 > 0:13:41# Had to take a job just to get along
0:13:41 > 0:13:43# I was down in the gutter below... #
0:13:43 > 0:13:45How are we going to get it past the bridge?
0:13:48 > 0:13:49You go over to the other side, right?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52I'll throw the ring in, and then the current can bring it under
0:13:52 > 0:13:55the bridge, and then you just pick it out on the other side?
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Yeah, yeah!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01# Hey, man, you know
0:14:01 > 0:14:04# What's up, too slow
0:14:04 > 0:14:08# Feels like I'm staring at the sun
0:14:09 > 0:14:12# Get high, get low
0:14:12 > 0:14:14# Don't let your ego
0:14:14 > 0:14:18# Out there, staring at the sun
0:14:18 > 0:14:22# Staring at the sun
0:14:24 > 0:14:26# Well, I got a lot of love for the modern man
0:14:26 > 0:14:29# I read a lot of books that I don't understand
0:14:29 > 0:14:31# Not a lot of things that are lost are sold
0:14:31 > 0:14:34# Just want a hooker with a heart of gold
0:14:34 > 0:14:36# As my heart gets heavy and my hair gets long
0:14:36 > 0:14:39# Hard can it be just to get along?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41# When you don't go selling your soul
0:14:41 > 0:14:43# Just don't go selling your soul. #
0:14:56 > 0:14:59The only good thing about that prick Sergeant Healy off getting driving
0:14:59 > 0:15:03lessons is that there's one less guard in the city to dodge.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05OK, let's go. So, turn on the ignition.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Now put it into first gear.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13You see, recently, he's been like a randy Labrador,
0:15:13 > 0:15:15sniffing around me mam.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Brought you some biscuits.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23I brought you some coffee.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30I was just passing.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Lucky for me, whenever Mam meets a fella she likes...
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Release the clutch. Really slowly.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39..it isn't long before she decides to...
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Hit the fucking brake!
0:15:50 > 0:15:51And whereabouts are you?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Not far, down by the Port of Cork.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Yeah, I miss you too. We'll hang on here for you.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04And bring some sandwiches or something, we're fucking starving.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- Who was that?- Siobhan.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14She's shopping in town, she's going to come and meet us.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15Is Linda coming?
0:16:15 > 0:16:16Why?
0:16:16 > 0:16:17You dodging her?
0:16:20 > 0:16:21What? Dodging her?
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Yeah, are you fucking dodging her, Frigid McFrigidface?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I'm not frigid, I'm just waiting for the right moment.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30And being covered in fish guts is not the right moment.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33That sounds like something someone frigid might say.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34I'm not fucking frigid!
0:16:37 > 0:16:38I'm not!
0:16:38 > 0:16:40All right.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Where you going? Stop! I'm not... Jock!
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- Jock, I'm not frigid, what are you doing?- I'm was only saying...
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Come here!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Just pull in here, will you?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Slowly!- I fucking am going slowly.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- Don't shout at me. - You're shouting at me.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Tony, brake. Brake, brake!
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Do you ever get your blood pressure checked?
0:17:07 > 0:17:08What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11I'm just saying, as a friend, it might be something to keep an eye on.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13"Friend!"
0:17:13 > 0:17:15You're not my friend.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17All right, well, what is this that we're doing, then?
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Fucked if I know.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26I think when you meet the right person,
0:17:26 > 0:17:28nothing will stop you getting together.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33Fuck!
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Oh, fuck it.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39- HORN BLARES - Fuck!
0:17:42 > 0:17:44ENGINE REVS
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Just a sec, I need more room.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48MOVES HANDBRAKE
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Ah!- Fuck!
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Stop, stop, stop!
0:17:54 > 0:17:55What's wrong?
0:17:57 > 0:17:58I can't do this.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Jock has this stupid fucking theory that frigidity runs in the family.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Come on, boy, it's easy.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11All you've got to do is put your lips up against her lips
0:18:11 > 0:18:13and just put your tongue through.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Like a letterbox.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Stop talking about it.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Have you tried practising on your arm?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Fuck. Off.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22I'm serious.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- My arm?- Yeah.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32That's what most people do.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Sucking your bicep is like getting someone's tongue in your hole.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Go on, give it a go.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49Just around here.
0:18:51 > 0:18:52Just go for it. Give it a rub first.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16SIOBHAN LAUGHS
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Erm...
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I just got stung, I was just trying to remove the venom.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Looks like you were shifting your own arm.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28I wasn't.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35- Missed you.- I missed you too.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Sometimes there's no right moment.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49You've just got to throw caution to the wind,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51brave up and dive right in.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I'm just covered in fish guts, so...
0:19:54 > 0:19:55I don't mind.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01- What?- It just smells like Omega three or something.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05- Like what?- Do you know, Omega three, the...?- Oh, the golden thing?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Yeah, the stuff they give you when you're small...
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Yeah, Mam used to give me them all the time before school,
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- she said, "It'll make you really clever," and stuff.- Yeah!
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- There's bluefin tuna at the end of that rope?- Yeah.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18How much is it worth, anyway?
0:20:18 > 0:20:2050,000.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21- 50,000?- Yeah.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25But we're only selling it for five.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29I think I got ripped off, actually.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32What do you can do as well, it is, like, take a load of them and...
0:20:32 > 0:20:37- Kind of...- ..you cover your arse and your farts stink of fish.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- Stop, that's manky! - It does, it does!
0:20:40 > 0:20:44You mean, you fart in class and the whole place smells like fish?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Make your farts smell like fish!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Like, I've got to give most of the money to Con's mam,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51but I could take you out for dinner or something after we get the money.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Especially the teacher, because the teacher hears, like, a fart,
0:20:55 > 0:20:57and she's like, "It's going to stink of shit."
0:20:57 > 0:21:00And then all of a sudden, this waft of just pollock comes your way.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- Do you have a sandwich, actually? - Yeah, hold on.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04Tuna sandwich.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09It's tuna.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Fuck did you get tuna for?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16You all right?
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Do you want some? It's...
0:21:21 > 0:21:22Fuck, no.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24Thanks...
0:21:24 > 0:21:26..but no.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Oh, erm...
0:21:27 > 0:21:30No, it's just I've got fish, you know, all over my hands and...
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Since when has shit on your hands ever been a problem to you?
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Usually you have Jock's shit all over your hands.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39What?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- You've got some big mouth, do you know that?- Oops!
0:21:46 > 0:21:47It was your shit in the hand-dryer?
0:21:50 > 0:21:51I'm... I'm sorry, boy.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I didn't do it on purpose.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56You never wash your hands!
0:21:56 > 0:22:00It wasn't my fault you went all hygienic that day.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Bollocks!
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Fuck!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Quit messing around, Jock, get the fucking thing!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12You do it, I'm still learning.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- I'm not going in there, it smells. - Jock!
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- Jock, come on!- All right!
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Watch out for the toilet paper!
0:22:32 > 0:22:35It's not toilet paper, it's a fucking condom.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Thanks for all the fucking help, boy!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57"Jump in the water, Jock, you'll the fucking fine, Jock."
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Oh, yeah, yeah, I can't even fucking swim... I'm fucking freezing!
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Come on, we've got to get the tuna to Sully.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05I've never seen a fish that size before.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- Give us a look at it before you go. - No, we're late.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08We were meant to be their ages ago.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11You know what happens when you say no to me.
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Fuck's sake.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18# Out in the ocean at the bottom of the sea
0:23:18 > 0:23:23# There's a tiny little turnip fish, having his tea
0:23:23 > 0:23:27# All the other fish think he's really weird
0:23:27 > 0:23:30# All of the time he is drinking beer
0:23:30 > 0:23:32# That's OK
0:23:32 > 0:23:34# It's very nice
0:23:34 > 0:23:36# I don't care
0:23:36 > 0:23:38# For sugar and spice
0:23:38 > 0:23:40# He says, "I am the turnip fish..." #
0:23:40 > 0:23:41I don't feel too good.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Me neither.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Do you think Sully will still buy it off from us?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I mean, like, the tale of a bluefin tuna's got to be worth something?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58That's a yellowfin tuna.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03No, it's not, it's a bluefin tuna,
0:24:03 > 0:24:05the yellowfin tuna aren't worth much.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08If it's a bluefin tuna, why has it got yellow fins, so?
0:24:21 > 0:24:23At least you didn't lose a 50k fish.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Shit!
0:24:35 > 0:24:38I think if you steal something from someone for someone else
0:24:38 > 0:24:40but then you lose the something you stole before you give
0:24:40 > 0:24:42it to the someone else, morally, it all kind of levels out.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Know what I mean?
0:24:48 > 0:24:49You going to clean that up?
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Are you here to arrest the duck?
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Your mam asked me to stick around.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16You shifting her?
0:25:18 > 0:25:19We're just friends, OK?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21She wouldn't shift him!
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Shifting guards is like shifting cousins.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31Here, let me show you this funny video I got at work, right?
0:25:31 > 0:25:33These two have got to be the biggest morons
0:25:33 > 0:25:34I've seen in my entire life.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Do you actually go out of your way to upset your mother?
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Quit talking to us like you're our da.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12- You're not, you know. - I'm not trying to be,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I'm just trying to stop your mother getting hurt and I'm a guard
0:26:15 > 0:26:18who's trying really hard not to arrest you, you dumb little prick.
0:26:18 > 0:26:23You could be looking at six months in a juvenile detention centre.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25If you let us off this, you could be our da.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27I don't want to be your fucking da.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Where is she?
0:26:32 > 0:26:34She's down arranging payment for that fish you stole
0:26:34 > 0:26:36so they don't press charges.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39It's going to take her all year to pay it off.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40It's tough enough providing for two kids
0:26:40 > 0:26:42without having more debt to deal with.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02We were going to sell it and give you the money to pay the bills.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09I'll leave you to it.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13One sec.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Sometimes you've just got to do what's right for you.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Even if other people find it fucking disgusting.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Ah, yeah.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35So, I'll... I'll see you tomorrow?
0:27:35 > 0:27:37I guess, I suppose. And...
0:27:38 > 0:27:40I'll see you, lads!
0:27:40 > 0:27:41Erm...
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Couldn't even steal the right fucking fish.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01The teacher who sent us off to do unpaid work experience said,
0:28:01 > 0:28:03"Work is not all about the money."
0:28:03 > 0:28:06I hate to admit it, because he's a prick,
0:28:06 > 0:28:08but I think there's a bit of truth in that.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10- Can I do something?- Yeah, erm...
0:28:10 > 0:28:13- Bag up those mussels for that girl over there.- Sure.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17You see, in the criminal world, there's a lack of community spirit.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21There's just something nice about helping people with the simple shit.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Like picking out their dinner.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25OK, I've got that for you.
0:28:25 > 0:28:26Thanks a million. Cheers.
0:28:28 > 0:28:29All the usual for you?
0:28:29 > 0:28:30Or having the craic was some old fucker
0:28:30 > 0:28:33you wouldn't normally batter your hole with.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35- How's the missus? - She's OK, she's alive.
0:28:35 > 0:28:36Same fucking joke everyday, Tommy.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Makes you smile everyday too, though.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42You get the chance to learn new skills.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Something that won't get you arrested.
0:28:44 > 0:28:45- I got it!- Got it?
0:28:46 > 0:28:48There you go!
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Look at him, he's professional.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53If you get good at something, I think you start to enjoy it,
0:28:53 > 0:28:55even it is to do with fish.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58Do you know your mother's the best fishmonger in the country?
0:28:58 > 0:29:00- Oh, really?- Ask anyone.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11That's for yourself.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13So, that's a little thank you.
0:29:13 > 0:29:14See you, guys.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16- Thanks, Pat.- Thanks.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21And, yeah, people go to work so they can get paid.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29But I think sometimes the real value of money
0:29:29 > 0:29:30is not what you can buy with it...
0:29:32 > 0:29:35..it's knowing how hard someone worked to earn it.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45Fuck!
0:29:47 > 0:29:48Wax?
0:29:57 > 0:29:58Ugh!
0:29:59 > 0:30:00Fucker!