0:00:02 > 0:00:04'Tomorrow - life's greatest mystery.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06'This is the FAS Infinity,
0:00:06 > 0:00:09'and our quest is to solve that mystery.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12'Because today is yesterday's tomorrow
0:00:12 > 0:00:16'and the day after tomorrow is yesterday's three days' time.'
0:00:16 > 0:00:24This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Ensign, give me some space.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- No!- Come on, quick wager. Ten quid.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35What do you think the case will be?
0:01:35 > 0:01:36It's always about money with you.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38You could be a score up.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40That's a Godiva short of a pony.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42I have no idea what you just said,
0:01:42 > 0:01:43but, fine, I'll say...
0:01:43 > 0:01:45a crazed madman, trying to escape arrest,
0:01:45 > 0:01:46but one thing he can't escape
0:01:46 > 0:01:48is his past. You?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Famous actor getting death threats.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51What we got, Chief?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Famous actor getting death threats.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- Oh for f...- Mitch, you know about this already, of course,
0:01:56 > 0:01:57cos we spoke about it earlier,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59but to bring you up to speed, John,
0:01:59 > 0:02:02this is none other than Randall Rogers.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Oh, my God, THE Randall Rogers? Captain Steele from Future Space?!
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Well, not just Captain Steele, obviously -
0:02:09 > 0:02:11he also played Steele's evil twin brother, Burton Steele,
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- in series four, episode two. - HE CHUCKLES
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I mean, you know, I've seen a couple of episodes, you know,
0:02:18 > 0:02:19I can take it or leave it.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Yeah! You're my bestest hero ever, Captain Steele,
0:02:23 > 0:02:25and I think I love you!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Word is he walked out on the show
0:02:27 > 0:02:29when they wouldn't give him more money,
0:02:29 > 0:02:32so they had to wrap the whole thing up by using old shots
0:02:32 > 0:02:33from previous episodes.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Prepare to evacuate the ship.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38But, Captain, what about you?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I'm fine! Thanks, Nork.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- But what about our mission? - Not now, Nork! Not now!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46It's so brave of you to sacrifice yourself.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47You betcha!
0:02:47 > 0:02:48- Goodbye.- Bye.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Needless to say,
0:02:55 > 0:02:56he's made a few enemies.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58He's doing a Q&A down at the old TV studio.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- Get down there and see what you can sniff out.- God, I hate actors.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- What's wrong with actors?- Oh, you know, they're all just so...
0:03:05 > 0:03:06Ooh! Oh!
0:03:06 > 0:03:09HE MAKES A SLURPING NOISE
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Ooh, I'm a French king.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14You know, weird people.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Listen, boys,
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I got a bad feeling about this case.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Something happened to me a long time ago...
0:03:25 > 0:03:29and I ain't fired my gun in over 20 years.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30(Bloody hell.)
0:03:30 > 0:03:33It was one of them unforgiving nights,
0:03:33 > 0:03:37where the cold ran through your bones like a blade through butter.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- DOOR CLOSES - And that's when I...
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Aw, goddamnit!
0:03:46 > 0:03:50Now in order to operate the body beamer effect,
0:03:50 > 0:03:54a fully-qualified member of the special effects department
0:03:54 > 0:03:56would pull on this lever,
0:03:56 > 0:04:02thus depositing the human/non-human through the trapdoor, like so.
0:04:02 > 0:04:07Obviously, teleportation technology doesn't actually exist,
0:04:07 > 0:04:11at least that's what the government wants us to believe.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13THEY LAUGH
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Back in a bit.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- Well, this is shit. - Yeah, tell me about it.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24What a bunch of nerds.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Ensign Skylord!
0:04:29 > 0:04:33- Hi, Martin.- "Martin"?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Who's this "Martin" of whom you speak?!
0:04:38 > 0:04:42A thousand dagons to you, Lieutenant Volklar.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44I missed you at the last convention.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46I trust you've read my latest work?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Future Space: How It Should Have Ended.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53- Sooner?- Where Captain Steele actually finds the eye of the universe,
0:04:53 > 0:04:55so it has, like, a...
0:04:55 > 0:04:56BOTH: ..proper ending!
0:04:58 > 0:05:00If you'll excuse me, Ensign Skylord.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Citizen of Earth.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Greetings, Future Alliance officers!
0:05:14 > 0:05:19Please give a warm, thousand dagons to everyone's favourite No 2,
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Commander Nork! Earth name, Charles Leatherby!
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- WEAK APPLAUSE - Thank you. Thank you, adoring fans.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- OK, fire at will! - HE LAUGHS
0:05:35 > 0:05:38In the episode Cosmic Karma,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41how could Nork be in two places at once?
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Erm, because...
0:05:42 > 0:05:44it's not real. Next.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Yeah, I've got a question. In series eight, episode one,
0:05:48 > 0:05:50why does Nork claim to have never visited Targon 4
0:05:50 > 0:05:53when he clearly has in three other episodes?
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Yeah, well, it's a TV show. Next.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57How did Nork survive the halogen explosion on Nebula 5?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Yeah, yeah, it's all made up. Next.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Do you hate Randall Rogers?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Hate is a very strong word,
0:06:04 > 0:06:05but...
0:06:05 > 0:06:07yes.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Right, there's my invoice.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Oh, OK... Thank you, Commander Nork!
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Zach, I need you to check out a file on Charles Leatherby.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22He could be a suspect.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Can it also be put on file Mahogany is a massive nerd?
0:06:26 > 0:06:30Now, make more noise than a Shegon mating ritual...
0:06:30 > 0:06:35- HE CHUCKLES - ..for the one and only Captain Steele!
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Earth name, Randall Rogers!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41'If kissing a beautiful alien
0:06:41 > 0:06:43'is the price you pay for being a hero,
0:06:43 > 0:06:44'then do you take a cheque?'
0:06:44 > 0:06:46HE MOUTHS
0:06:46 > 0:06:49'I'm sorry, I thought you said Venus.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53'That's got to be the biggest black hole I've ever seen.'
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- He's not here! - GASPING
0:07:00 > 0:07:02To Captain Steele's dressing room!
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I can't believe I'm going to actually meet Captain Steele.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Got to make a good impression.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16There was no answer.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- I think this is the place.- Wow!
0:07:25 > 0:07:30Take whatever you want, just please don't damage my face!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33No, Mr Rogers, sir, it's... We're police officers,
0:07:33 > 0:07:36it's John Mahogany and Mitch Rust, JCPD.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- You're cops?!- That's right.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Good thing you told me.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42I was about to break out the old...
0:07:42 > 0:07:43knuckle brothers.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Hi. Randall Rogers.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Were you hiding behind the sofa?
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Erm, you may think I was huddling in fear.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02I was securing myself to protect any intruder from me.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06THESE hands are registered weapons.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10I once punched a man in half.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12(I didn't know that was possible!)
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Drink?- Oh, yes, please.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Thanks, Dad... Rog...
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- Cheers.- Do you want to tell us about the death threats?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22It took me a while to notice what they were,
0:08:22 > 0:08:24as I'm incredibly rich and famous,
0:08:24 > 0:08:27so I don't usually do things like open letters.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29- How'd you become so rich? - It's simple.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31If you want to be insanely rich,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34you just got to be an actor.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36It's guaranteed.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39'If you want to be insanely rich, you just got to be an actor.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41'..insanely rich... ..got to be an actor...
0:08:41 > 0:08:44'..be an actor. ..be an actor. It's guaranteed.'
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Plus, when you get famous,
0:08:45 > 0:08:48they give you a special number that you call
0:08:48 > 0:08:50and somebody brings pizza to you.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55You give them some money and they just give you a pizza!
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- Whoa... - Isn't that just pizza delivery?
0:08:57 > 0:09:00And there's another number that you call
0:09:00 > 0:09:02and somebody comes over in a car.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05You give him some money and he'll take you anywhere!
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- Amazing. - That's a taxi. I could do that.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Sure you can, champ.
0:09:12 > 0:09:17Mr Rogers, for your own protection, we'd like to take you down to JCPD.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Perhaps you'd like to change into something a bit more, erm...
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Ah!
0:09:22 > 0:09:23Say no more.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I mean, he's not quite what I expected.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31The KEY...
0:09:31 > 0:09:33to a...
0:09:33 > 0:09:35HE LAUGHS LOUDLY
0:09:35 > 0:09:37..remarkable acting performance
0:09:37 > 0:09:41is to do so-o-o much...
0:09:41 > 0:09:43with your face...
0:09:43 > 0:09:46and your BO-DY!
0:09:46 > 0:09:50And pause...a lot.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Because, you see...
0:09:52 > 0:09:55acting is...
0:09:55 > 0:09:56- SOFTLY:- ..distracting.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Wow. Randall Rogers is truly a great actor.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Yes. Although, if he was my hero figure from childhood,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14I would be very disappointed with him.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17You two! This ain't Saturday night at the movies!
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Get your asses over here, we've got something!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22'Chief!'
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I think you're going to want to see this, boys,
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Cirque du Soleil.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Justice City Times called it "Spellbinding. 5 stars."
0:10:29 > 0:10:31But that's not what I called you over for.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I checked up on Leatherby.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Turns out Randall quitting the show ruined his career,
0:10:35 > 0:10:39- so they ain't exactly bosom buddies. - Yeah, everyone knows that.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40But here's where it gets interesting,
0:10:40 > 0:10:44he's also the chairman of a Randall Rogers-themed organisation.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Though that could be a good or a bad thing.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Nevertheless, I think we ought to bring him in,
0:10:52 > 0:10:54give him the third degree.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56An educated man.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Now, listen, boys, sure, this might seem all so simple.
0:10:59 > 0:11:04Sure, it might seem like an open-and-shut case.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06But let me tell you a story,
0:11:06 > 0:11:12a story that's led to me not firing my gun in over 20 years...
0:11:12 > 0:11:15It all started when I was back in the academy...
0:11:15 > 0:11:19DOOR CLOSES
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Oh, come on now!
0:11:21 > 0:11:23It's a good story! Goddammit!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- How's it looking, Helga? - They've used all the usual tricks -
0:11:30 > 0:11:32anonymously sourced letters,
0:11:32 > 0:11:33plain, unmarked paper,
0:11:33 > 0:11:35the adhesive is either Pritt Stick or Uhu.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36At this point we...
0:11:36 > 0:11:37cannot be certain.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41Unfortunately, they are practically untraceable.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- How is the spaceman? - Yeah, fine, I suppose.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45Let me guess,
0:11:45 > 0:11:46you hoped to meet your hero,
0:11:46 > 0:11:49instead you met a shallow, materialistic actor.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Well, yeah. How did you know?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Never meet your heroes, John.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56When I met The Gothenburg Strangler,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59he did not even sign my autopsy photos.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00I was extremely displeased.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Captain Steele was just this great, honourable guy.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Randall's just...
0:12:07 > 0:12:09- He's just a tool.- John...
0:12:09 > 0:12:11And not just a tool - he's arrogant, he's a coward...
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- John...- I mean, what does he think he looks like?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16That wig isn't fooling anyone! He's behind me, isn't he?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18No.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Why would you think that?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I was trying to get your attention.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- I think I've found something.- Oh.
0:12:25 > 0:12:30"PS, I enclose a little something to show you that I'm serious."
0:12:38 > 0:12:40But he hasn't kidnapped anyone.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42So whose is the finger?
0:12:45 > 0:12:49"PPS, I realise now that cutting off my own finger
0:12:49 > 0:12:51"was poorly judged,
0:12:51 > 0:12:52"but do not make the mistake
0:12:52 > 0:12:55"of thinking I am any less dangerous without it."
0:12:55 > 0:12:59I think it's about time we spoke to one Charles Leatherby.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01If he's got nine fingers...
0:13:01 > 0:13:04we've got him.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Also, there is a birthday card going around, it is for Richard.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Oh, it's Richard's birthday?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I never know what to write in these things.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14"Happy Birthday, Richard."
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Yeah.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19And the beauty is, you slip them a few dollars
0:13:19 > 0:13:21and they cut your hair for you.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Unbelievable. - Oh, it's the high life all right.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32Real actors don't need chairs.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34I want to be an actor, make loads of cash.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36How much should I charge per acting?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Well, that depends,
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- what kind of acting do you want to do?- The expensive sort.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44OK, show me what you've got.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Let's act.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52That's got to be...
0:13:52 > 0:13:56the finest celestial body...
0:13:56 > 0:13:58I've ever seen.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59OK, your turn.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07HIGH PITCHED: That's got to be the finest celestial body I've ever seen.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13What do you think? Bit high?
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Yeah, maybe. Try a little lower.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22HIGH PITCHED: I love your ancestral body.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25It's the best thing I've seen...(today).
0:14:28 > 0:14:2950 quid.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31You'd better sit down.
0:14:31 > 0:14:36Look, Rusty, there's no easy way of saying this.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38You've got the yips.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- What?- The acting yips.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44It's a mental thing that actors can get,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47and I'm afraid you're riddled with them, buddy.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Everything all right?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51I thought I heard a small girl trapped down a well.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52I've got the acting yips.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Isn't that something you get after years as a professional?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Oh, the yips can strike at any time.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Unfortunately for Rusty, it was right at the beginning.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- Or he's just a bit rubbish. - It's the yips, mate, yeah?!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I know what will cheer you up.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10More tales of my amazing life as a rich actor and how great I am.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Zach, take a seat.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Rusty, lotion my back.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20It's just a few questions, Mr Leatherby.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22This is preposterous.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Yes, Randall is an imbecile,
0:15:24 > 0:15:28but I am a highly-respected actor, for God's sake.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Death threats? Honestly!
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Are you sure we can't get you a chair?
0:15:33 > 0:15:34I'm an actor.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37I haven't sat in an actual chair for 30 years.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Look, can we hurry this along please?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41I'm an extremely busy man.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46Had yourself an accident there, Mr Leatherby?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Oh, this here? It's an acting injury.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Mine is a perilous profession.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54So, if you didn't send the death threats,
0:15:54 > 0:15:58then, tell me,
0:15:58 > 0:16:02- what do you do when you get the acting yips?- What?
0:16:02 > 0:16:03The yips?
0:16:03 > 0:16:07The acting yips is a cruel and unforgiving affliction
0:16:07 > 0:16:09which blights our kind.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14The only sure way of being rid of the yips is to take one's moment.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Interesting.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Every true actor knows when his moment presents itself.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22When he is called upon to give the performance of his life.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Until then, we just have to...
0:16:24 > 0:16:26What do you think you're doing?
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Ah.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29It's an acting injury.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31I told you already, all right?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- I got a paper cut at a script reading.- A paper cut?
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Yes, a paper cut. Script paper is some of the sharpest paper there is!
0:16:37 > 0:16:40I bet you think that's funny in there, don't you?
0:16:40 > 0:16:41In your secret little room!
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Well, I've never been one to disappoint an audience.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45Reveal yourself!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47REVEAL YOURSELF!
0:16:47 > 0:16:48REVEAL YOURSELF!
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- Why did you do that? - Well, I thought...
0:16:58 > 0:17:02No, you're going to have to pay for that.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Oh for f...
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Fingers, he's got all ten of them. It's not him.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Fuck.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10But if it ain't Leatherby, then who the hell is it?!
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- RANDALL:- And don't even get me started on my third wife.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Rogers!
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Leatherby!
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- Hey, hey, hey! Walk away. Walk away!- Have a fight.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25You never could handle me being the star, could you, Charlie boy?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Poppycock! Let's settle this, right now.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Let 'em blow it off, John, let 'em blow it off.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33I'll show you how a REAL actor fights.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34RANDALL LAUGHS
0:17:34 > 0:17:37THEY GRUNT
0:17:40 > 0:17:41What are they doing?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43They're not even hitting each other.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44No, too big.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- CHIEF:- Stage combat, Mitch.
0:17:48 > 0:17:53They say these two are amongst the finest stage fighters in the world.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Ow! Wh...?
0:17:59 > 0:18:00You broke the code...
0:18:00 > 0:18:02No, please, it was an accident!
0:18:02 > 0:18:05You know the code, Randall - you never touch the face.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I will now take my free hit.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Yeah, keep walking, Leatherby. Keep walking!
0:18:21 > 0:18:24He's definitely restrained, right?
0:18:25 > 0:18:30Sorry, John boy, but you did step into an arena of conflict.
0:18:33 > 0:18:40# Where, where is my hero?
0:18:40 > 0:18:44# Where, where is my hero? #
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Brace for impact!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49# There was a man I thought I knew
0:18:49 > 0:18:52# So brave, so strong and courageous
0:18:52 > 0:18:54# Now, he only takes about being rich
0:18:54 > 0:18:57# It's like him and his evil twin brother, Ben Steele,
0:18:57 > 0:18:59# Have been switched
0:18:59 > 0:19:00# I want to be an actor
0:19:00 > 0:19:04# So I have loads of money and stuff
0:19:04 > 0:19:08# But they say I've got the yips Which has left me proper cheesed
0:19:08 > 0:19:11# I think I fancy chips and maybe mushy peas
0:19:11 > 0:19:13# Just want to tell you my story
0:19:13 > 0:19:15# About how I ain't fired my gun in over 20 year...
0:19:15 > 0:19:21- # Where, where is my hero? # - What? Oh, come on! Goddammit!
0:19:21 > 0:19:26# Where? Ow, my finger just shut in the locker
0:19:28 > 0:19:30# Where, where, where, where, where
0:19:30 > 0:19:32# Where's the first aid kit? #
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- John?- Hey, Dad.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Oh, God, here we go.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Go on, what's the matter?
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Did you ever think that someone was going to be great,
0:19:47 > 0:19:50but in reality, they were just a huge disappointment?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Try not to look at yourself as a huge disappointment, son,
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- more as a mild failure. - NOT ME, DAD!
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Oh, right.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00I just wanted him to be like Captain Steele, you know -
0:20:00 > 0:20:02courageous, brave.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04But he just turned out to be a dick.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Son, listen.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09It doesn't matter that he's not like the bloke in Space Wars.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Future Space, Dad! How many times!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Yeah. Right.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Look, the point is, you've got to walk your own path,
0:20:16 > 0:20:19write your own story and all that bullshit.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21You know, be your own bloody hero.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23I know Dad, I'm trying real bad.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26ECHO: Write your own story and all that bullshit.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Write your own story and all that bullshit.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Write your own story and all that bullshit.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32I trust you've read my latest work?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Future Space, how it should have ended.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- ECHO:- How it should have ended. How it should have ended...
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Should have ended...
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Oh, shit. That's it! Love you, Dad.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Chief, Mitch, I've got it!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46I know who wrote the...
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Oh, he's already here.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49That's great.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Now it's time to give Future Space AND Randall Rogers
0:20:53 > 0:20:55the ending they deserve.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57HE GIGGLES MANIACALLY
0:20:57 > 0:21:01And if anybody tries to follow me, then I'll...
0:21:01 > 0:21:03What?
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Sorry?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07You said, "If anyone tries to follow you then",
0:21:07 > 0:21:09and then you left before we could hear the rest.
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Oh, yeah. Sorry..
0:21:10 > 0:21:12What I said was if anybody tries to follow me,
0:21:12 > 0:21:14then I'll detonate this bomb.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Thought it'd be something like that.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Goddammit, he's going to kill 'em!
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Don't worry, Chief.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23I know exactly where they're headed...
0:21:25 > 0:21:27..and I'll be damned if I'm going to let them die.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Did everybody sign Richard's card?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Greetings, Citizens of Earth.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Today, we will make television history.
0:21:44 > 0:21:51First, we shall film the proper ending of the Future Space saga.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Then, Randall Rogers will die
0:21:53 > 0:21:56live on television.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Er, that is for several reasons,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01because of inconsistencies throughout the show...
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Well, well, well.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06Randall Rogers finally gets his just desserts.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Have you nothing to say?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Your head looks like a dick.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12..you've ruined it and you've ruined my life.
0:22:12 > 0:22:17Now if you look in front of you, you shall find the professional
0:22:17 > 0:22:20standard script expertly written by me.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22SHE LAUGHS
0:22:22 > 0:22:25We're live in five seconds, so just remember - enjoy it, relax,
0:22:25 > 0:22:28don't get it wrong or I'll blow us all up.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30ACTION!
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Captain, we are
0:22:31 > 0:22:35mere moments away from discovering the Eye of the Universe...
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- HE WHISPERS:- Mitch.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Mitch ,I've got a plan. I'm going to need you to act.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43What?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Nah. I can't, mate. I've got the yips.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Forget the yips.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51We need a distraction and acting is distracting.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53I can't act!
0:22:53 > 0:22:57MITCH! Remember what Leatherby said - every actor gets one moment.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Well, this is your moment.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02What's the money like?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04There's no bloody money!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06All right, all right, I'll do it. When's my fitting?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Right now.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Why are you wearing one?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23What? Oh, I don't know.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24I just got excited.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30It would not have worked from the eye of a cyborg.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Point 54...
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Wait!
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I have something to say!
0:23:39 > 0:23:41If you all just
0:23:41 > 0:23:43look at me!
0:23:43 > 0:23:46You see, space man, captain,
0:23:46 > 0:23:48we have a problem...
0:23:48 > 0:23:50HE WHEEZES
0:23:50 > 0:23:52.. with the space ship.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56It is bollocksed.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59His dialogue's awful, but his acting's captivating.
0:23:59 > 0:24:04We might never make it to the moon unless we find a different way -
0:24:04 > 0:24:07a space car or
0:24:07 > 0:24:09planet bike.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12So if this is it, and we're going to die,
0:24:12 > 0:24:15snuff it,
0:24:15 > 0:24:18then hold your head up high...
0:24:19 > 0:24:21..and be proud...
0:24:24 > 0:24:27I did it, mate. I got rid of the yips.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Thanks, Mitch.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Ensign Skylord!
0:24:35 > 0:24:39So...you thought you could ruin my episode?
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Well, now, it's going to end with a bang.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45BEEPING
0:24:50 > 0:24:51Real original, Martin.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Trying to blow up the ship with a bomb strapped to you,
0:24:55 > 0:24:57exactly the same way Steele tried to blow up
0:24:57 > 0:25:00the Targan Nebular in series eight, episode nine.
0:25:00 > 0:25:05Ha! Actually, I think you'll find it was series nine, episode eight.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08I think you'll find, I know a bit more about Future Space than you.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Er, firstly the Targans weren't introduced until series nine,
0:25:12 > 0:25:14episode two, so it's not conceivable for that be in series eight!
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Mitch, the lever! Pull the lever!
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Give me some space.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22Brace for impact!
0:25:23 > 0:25:26EXPLOSION
0:25:26 > 0:25:30RUMBLING
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Damage report. Check those shields and thrusters.
0:25:43 > 0:25:44As your Captain now, I...
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Is everyone OK?
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Yeah, I got him right here. He's our man all right.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Hey kid, you got an agent?
0:25:55 > 0:25:57- No.- Want to be rich beyond your wildest dreams?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Yes, please.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Great, cos I got a part you were just born to play.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03You're going to be a star, I tell ya!
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Providing you don't get the yips.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07HE LAUGHS
0:26:12 > 0:26:16What are your orders, Captain? The enemy is attacking.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21HIGH-PITCHED: Fire the Voltazers.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Raise the shields, please.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Go to Red Alert. Thank you.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34I'm sorry your series was cancelled after one episode, mate.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Yeah, well, I think it was the script, to be honest.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41So, John boy, how'd you like your present?
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Now you too can live the high life of an actor.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46It's, literally, a pizza menu.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48It's the least I could do for saving my life
0:26:48 > 0:26:54and for being everything Captain Steele should be.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Minus the looks and libido, of course.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58He's got a gun!
0:26:58 > 0:26:59GASPS
0:26:59 > 0:27:03I'm sorry old chap, I just hate you too much not to shoot you.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Goodbye, Rogers.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07GUNSHOT
0:27:15 > 0:27:17GUNSHOTS
0:27:17 > 0:27:18Everyone, get down!
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Hold up, I've got this.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Jesus Christ, Chief!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Just give me a second to line this up here.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Stop, Chief!
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Put the gun down!
0:27:29 > 0:27:32So much blood, Chief!
0:27:35 > 0:27:37GROANING
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Still got it.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Chief,
0:27:46 > 0:27:47you're a terrible shot.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50What do you expect? I ain't fired it in over 20 years!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53LAUGHTER
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Chief just shot everyone.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00We should call an ambulance.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06You know, it's funny, this reminds me of a really great story.
0:28:06 > 0:28:07It all started when I...