The Passion of the Chris

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0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language

0:00:18 > 0:00:20Oh, for God's sake!

0:00:29 > 0:00:32- 'What the hell's going on?!' - 'Oh, my God!'

0:00:32 > 0:00:33'Where did all the lights go?!'

0:00:33 > 0:00:35'You're not my wife!'

0:01:08 > 0:01:11This must be my day! We've literally not had one red light

0:01:11 > 0:01:13- this whole way.- Or green.

0:01:13 > 0:01:15TYRES SCREECH AND HORNS HONK

0:01:16 > 0:01:18RUST HONKS HORN Hey, hey!

0:01:18 > 0:01:20I saw a beautiful woman.

0:01:20 > 0:01:22You're supposed to honk when you see one.

0:01:22 > 0:01:24- That's sexist!- That's the law.

0:01:24 > 0:01:27That's shallow! It's not what a woman looks like that's important.

0:01:27 > 0:01:31It's their personality. You know what my favourite part of a woman is?

0:01:31 > 0:01:32- Shins?- Her mind.

0:01:34 > 0:01:36Mine's shins, then head...

0:01:37 > 0:01:39- ..shoulders, knees and toes. - Knees and toes?

0:01:39 > 0:01:41Then tits.

0:01:42 > 0:01:43There's another one!

0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Don't!- Oh, come on! You know, you're really boring sometimes.

0:01:46 > 0:01:49- You remind me of my accountant. - Why, what does he say?- Oh, you know.

0:01:49 > 0:01:52"Blah, blah, blah, you haven't paid your tax for five years.

0:01:52 > 0:01:54"Blah, blah, blah, you could go to prison."

0:01:54 > 0:01:56Have you not paid your tax in five years?

0:01:56 > 0:01:59No, but there's a good reason for that.

0:01:59 > 0:02:01- I don't want to. - SCREECHING TYRES

0:02:01 > 0:02:04- Seriously, what's going on here? - Something's not right.

0:02:04 > 0:02:07- Yeah, I know what you mean. - I specifically said no gherkins.

0:02:07 > 0:02:11It's like there's some kind of electrical power surge or something.

0:02:11 > 0:02:13- There'll be looting in the streets next.- No.

0:02:13 > 0:02:16I've got a little bit more faith in the good folk of Justice City.

0:02:16 > 0:02:18- There goes Dixons. - GLASS SHATTERS

0:02:18 > 0:02:19- Oh, for God's sake! - I'm on it, mate.

0:02:19 > 0:02:22SCREECHING TYRES, HONKING HORNS AND SHATTERING GLASS

0:02:25 > 0:02:28Thought you said you were going to stop the looting!

0:02:28 > 0:02:30Can't steal what's already stolen.

0:02:30 > 0:02:32You, get me a hotline to the power station!

0:02:32 > 0:02:34You, get me a double plug adaptor!

0:02:34 > 0:02:36You, where the hell is my milkshake?!

0:02:39 > 0:02:43Things have gone crazy and I'm guessing you have some questions.

0:02:43 > 0:02:44Yeah, what milkshake's that?

0:02:44 > 0:02:47Also, what caused the freak electrical event which brought

0:02:47 > 0:02:49the entire city to a standstill?

0:02:49 > 0:02:50Someone hacked into the power grid

0:02:50 > 0:02:53and generated an electromagnetic dampening field.

0:02:53 > 0:02:54We've lost control of the city -

0:02:54 > 0:02:56and my milkshake is whipped cherry.

0:02:56 > 0:03:00- As if that wasn't enough, the hacker wiped all of the tax records.- I see.

0:03:00 > 0:03:03- So that must be why there is a tax inspector here.- Yes.

0:03:06 > 0:03:09You two! Come with me!

0:03:09 > 0:03:10This is serious, boys.

0:03:10 > 0:03:13The city's under attack from something called a computer hacker.

0:03:13 > 0:03:15Maybe we should call the tax inspection off until it, er,

0:03:15 > 0:03:18- blows over.- Goddamn technology!

0:03:18 > 0:03:21I tell you, there's nothing I hate more than computers!

0:03:22 > 0:03:24KOWALSKI!

0:03:25 > 0:03:27I thought it was about time you upgraded.

0:03:27 > 0:03:30It's all right, though, I transferred all of your documents.

0:03:30 > 0:03:33Now you'll never need a paper file ever again.

0:03:35 > 0:03:36- Tax free as well.- What?

0:03:38 > 0:03:41- Computers are tax free?- Yes, Mitch.

0:03:42 > 0:03:44Interesting...

0:03:46 > 0:03:50- I've got to go.- You off to catch the hacker, put an end to this?

0:03:50 > 0:03:51Er, yeah.

0:03:51 > 0:03:53Great. Chief, Zach, we're on it.

0:03:55 > 0:03:57- What the hell?! - Just press Enter.

0:03:59 > 0:04:02Oh, er, E, er, N...!

0:04:02 > 0:04:05No, don't type "enter."

0:04:05 > 0:04:06Press Enter.

0:04:10 > 0:04:12Hey, Chief! Captain Woods here,

0:04:12 > 0:04:15just giving you a quick video call from Ace Town PD!

0:04:15 > 0:04:18- How's that new computer working out for you?- I'm busy, Woods!

0:04:18 > 0:04:21I can't hear you. You've turned the sound off.

0:04:21 > 0:04:22Oh, er, hold on there, I'll, er...

0:04:22 > 0:04:24Hello? Hello? Hello?

0:04:24 > 0:04:27- COMPUTER VOICE:- You have ordered 30 boxes of Wheaty Biscuits.

0:04:27 > 0:04:28No, goddamnit!

0:04:28 > 0:04:30Just kidding. I could hear you fine!

0:04:31 > 0:04:34Hey, maybe you'd be better off with a typewriter!

0:04:34 > 0:04:37Leave the hi-tech crime to us here at, uh...

0:04:37 > 0:04:38Ace Town!

0:04:38 > 0:04:41WOODS LAUGHS

0:04:41 > 0:04:44Hey, Kaminski! Get a load of this guy!

0:04:44 > 0:04:46- WOODS LAUGHS - How'd you cut this thing off?!

0:04:46 > 0:04:49Control-Alt-Delete, that'll shut anything down, like this.

0:04:51 > 0:04:52Is this on?! HE LAUGHS

0:04:52 > 0:04:54Man, I hate that guy!

0:04:54 > 0:04:56FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS

0:04:56 > 0:04:57# Woods! #

0:04:57 > 0:05:00OK, Kowalski, bring me up to speed on this computer hacker!

0:05:03 > 0:05:05What the hell...?

0:05:10 > 0:05:14- What's going on?- The technology box is making many beeps.

0:05:16 > 0:05:17'Hello, Justice City PD.

0:05:17 > 0:05:20'I hope my little display got your attention.

0:05:20 > 0:05:23'My reign of terror has only just begun.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26'This morning was merely an hors d'oeuvre before the main course.'

0:05:26 > 0:05:27(Keep them talking.)

0:05:27 > 0:05:30Uh, wouldn't an hors d'oeuvre come before the starter?

0:05:32 > 0:05:35'Technically an hors d'oeuvre is a small starter.'

0:05:35 > 0:05:37I thought it was a little bite-sized thing you get with a drink.

0:05:37 > 0:05:41- 'That would really be more of an aperitif.'- Tell me more.

0:05:41 > 0:05:43'Well, aperitifs are served before the meal,

0:05:43 > 0:05:46'whereas hors d'oeuvres are part of the meal itself.'

0:05:46 > 0:05:48What about antipasta? What is that?

0:05:48 > 0:05:50'More of a serving platter, really.

0:05:50 > 0:05:52'Look, forget it!

0:05:52 > 0:05:54'I'm not here to talk about starters.

0:05:54 > 0:05:57'No, once again I have total control over all your systems.

0:05:57 > 0:06:01'If I so choose I can press a button, open every prison cell,

0:06:01 > 0:06:03'or wipe every bank account.

0:06:03 > 0:06:06'But most important of all, I can push a big red button

0:06:06 > 0:06:08'and launch one of these...'

0:06:10 > 0:06:13- THEY GASP - '..a five tonne nuclear missile,

0:06:13 > 0:06:16'aimed right at the heart of Justice City

0:06:16 > 0:06:19'and I WILL launch it unless you give me what I want.'

0:06:19 > 0:06:22- What do you want?- 'I want...

0:06:24 > 0:06:26'..John Mahogany.'

0:06:32 > 0:06:35Printer's back on.

0:06:35 > 0:06:38So, all Mahogany has to do is go and meet this woman

0:06:38 > 0:06:41at her chosen location, alone, without any backup.

0:06:41 > 0:06:43- See what she wants.- What?

0:06:43 > 0:06:45You can't seriously be suggesting sending me in there, chief.

0:06:45 > 0:06:47- She's crazy.- She might not be crazy.

0:06:47 > 0:06:49You wrote it on the board!

0:06:49 > 0:06:52And it's underlined!

0:06:53 > 0:06:55WHIRRING AND CLANKING

0:06:58 > 0:07:01What in God's name is that?

0:07:07 > 0:07:12Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt!

0:07:12 > 0:07:15Bzzt! Bzzt!

0:07:17 > 0:07:19- ROBOTIC VOICE: - I am Robot Cop.

0:07:30 > 0:07:34- Robot Cop?- Yeah.- OK.

0:07:34 > 0:07:38And why are you pretending to be a robot?

0:07:38 > 0:07:40- ROBOTIC VOICE: - I am not pretending.

0:07:42 > 0:07:44This is because of tax, isn't it?

0:07:44 > 0:07:46Robot Cop is tax-free.

0:07:46 > 0:07:49Oh, for God's sake, Mitch, just pay your tax.

0:07:49 > 0:07:52Do you really expect anyone to fall for this?

0:07:52 > 0:07:53Welcome aboard, Robot Cop.

0:07:53 > 0:07:57- What the...- You are just the weapon we need to clean up these streets.

0:07:57 > 0:08:00- You've got to be kidding me. - Cheers, chief.

0:08:00 > 0:08:03Now, get out there and give this city the shakedown it needs.

0:08:05 > 0:08:08Maybe in a bit.

0:08:08 > 0:08:10Bzzt!

0:08:10 > 0:08:13Bzzt! Bzzt!

0:08:13 > 0:08:16- You're just doing those noises with your mouth.- Do one, mate.

0:08:16 > 0:08:20Chief, I think I've got a lead on why the hacker wants John.

0:08:20 > 0:08:23I tested her voice waves against our audio record files

0:08:23 > 0:08:25and we've got a match.

0:08:25 > 0:08:28Our hacker is a woman aged 28 called Christine Peacock

0:08:28 > 0:08:31and get this - she went to school with one John Mahogany.

0:08:33 > 0:08:36One John Mahogany - who's that? Is he Spanish?

0:08:36 > 0:08:37I think he means me.

0:08:37 > 0:08:39Sorry, I don't remember her at all...

0:08:42 > 0:08:44Oh, wait...

0:08:44 > 0:08:46Will you go out with me?

0:08:46 > 0:08:47NO!

0:08:53 > 0:08:55See? No big deal.

0:08:55 > 0:08:59Just a jilted woman that's been brooding on it for 20 years,

0:08:59 > 0:09:05letting it gnaw away at her, like a mouse eating cheese real slow.

0:09:05 > 0:09:07She probably forgot all about it.

0:09:10 > 0:09:13OK, she's definitely not forgotten all about it.

0:09:15 > 0:09:17Hi, John!

0:09:18 > 0:09:20Mwah!

0:09:20 > 0:09:22It's so great to see you!

0:09:22 > 0:09:24Oh, my gosh, Christine?

0:09:24 > 0:09:25Please, call me Chris.

0:09:25 > 0:09:27You look, erm... I mean...

0:09:27 > 0:09:29I am so glad you could make it.

0:09:29 > 0:09:33- Well, you didn't give me much choice.- No, I suppose I didn't!

0:09:33 > 0:09:35Sorry about all that, drama queen alert!

0:09:35 > 0:09:39'Oh, my God, she's so...beautiful.

0:09:39 > 0:09:41'She's not like I remember her at all.'

0:09:41 > 0:09:43Erm... How are you?

0:09:43 > 0:09:46- It must be, what... - 20 years, two months and three days

0:09:46 > 0:09:49since you rejected me, but who's counting? Ha-ha-ha!

0:09:49 > 0:09:53'What a beautiful laugh.'

0:09:53 > 0:09:56Look, I'm sorry about that, I was just a kid.

0:09:56 > 0:09:59Hey, listen, why don't we just stop all this hacking

0:09:59 > 0:10:01and threatening to blow up the city?

0:10:01 > 0:10:03That depends, silly.

0:10:03 > 0:10:05On what, silly?

0:10:05 > 0:10:08'I think she's flirting with me.

0:10:08 > 0:10:10'Focus, John!

0:10:10 > 0:10:13'Remember what you're here to do.

0:10:13 > 0:10:15'You're a cop and you have to save the city.'

0:10:15 > 0:10:18- Will you go out with me?- Yes. - On a date?- Yes.- Tonight?- Yes.

0:10:18 > 0:10:22- Or I destroy the city. - Yes, absolutely, no problem.- Yaay!

0:10:28 > 0:10:30We can't let you go on that date, John. She's crazy!

0:10:30 > 0:10:32There's no telling what could happen.

0:10:32 > 0:10:36I'm really happy to put myself on the line for this one, chief.

0:10:36 > 0:10:38Don't be a damn hero! Stop thinking with your badge!

0:10:38 > 0:10:41I don't think it's his badge he's thinking with, Chief.

0:10:41 > 0:10:44Yes, I believe Zach is correct in his innuendo which suggests

0:10:44 > 0:10:46that John is attracted to the suspect.

0:10:46 > 0:10:48Judging by his dilated pupils,

0:10:48 > 0:10:50increased heartrate, trouser swelling...

0:10:50 > 0:10:53It's a Twix! Anyway, she's not crazy.

0:10:53 > 0:10:56She's just...free-spirited!

0:11:01 > 0:11:03You've got to let me go on that date, Chief!

0:11:05 > 0:11:10- Oh, my God, it's Robot Cop. - Is it really him?

0:11:12 > 0:11:14- All right?- Good of you to join us, Robot Cop.

0:11:14 > 0:11:18- We need you now more than ever.- No worries, Chief.- He's not a robot!

0:11:18 > 0:11:21Sounds like John is feeling envy towards the robotic policeman.

0:11:21 > 0:11:23Yeah, quit giving him a hard time.

0:11:23 > 0:11:24Machines have feelings too, you know.

0:11:24 > 0:11:26He's faking it, look at him!

0:11:26 > 0:11:27Robots don't eat fried chicken.

0:11:28 > 0:11:31- It's robot fuel. - Got you there, John.

0:11:31 > 0:11:33Chief, we're wasting time.

0:11:33 > 0:11:36- You've got to let me go on that date. - It's not worth the risk!

0:11:36 > 0:11:38Listen, we don't have a choice.

0:11:38 > 0:11:40We need to locate her hideout and shut her down from within

0:11:40 > 0:11:43So, to do that, we need Mahogany to stay close to her.

0:11:43 > 0:11:47- Sounds like a good plan.- We need him on the inside.- Brilliant.

0:11:47 > 0:11:50- In her hidden lair.- Great. - Her underground base.- OK.

0:11:50 > 0:11:53- Her dark cave.- All right, that's probably enough there.

0:11:53 > 0:11:55To have a chance of saving Justice City,

0:11:55 > 0:11:59Mahogany doesn't just have to go on that date...

0:11:59 > 0:12:00he has to get back to her place.

0:12:02 > 0:12:05But Mahogany is poorly skilled at the dating.

0:12:05 > 0:12:08OK, people, I want us all on this.

0:12:08 > 0:12:12We're going to have to get Mahogany into dating shape by tonight.

0:12:12 > 0:12:13I don't need help with my dating.

0:12:13 > 0:12:15The future of Justice City depends on one thing

0:12:15 > 0:12:17and one thing only -

0:12:17 > 0:12:20John getting back to her place.

0:12:21 > 0:12:23Not a chance, mate.

0:12:24 > 0:12:26# When a man is useless

0:12:26 > 0:12:28# He never gets past first base

0:12:28 > 0:12:32# Now a city depends on him to get back to the psycho's place

0:12:32 > 0:12:34# When you think you're a ten

0:12:34 > 0:12:35# But you're more like a three

0:12:35 > 0:12:37# You've gotta up your game

0:12:37 > 0:12:39# You've got a date with destiny

0:12:39 > 0:12:41# You've got a date

0:12:41 > 0:12:43# A date with destiny

0:12:43 > 0:12:47# Lose the BO cos Romeo You're gonna need some chemistry

0:12:47 > 0:12:49# You've got a date

0:12:49 > 0:12:51# A date with destiny

0:12:51 > 0:12:52# Be prepared cos she's not all there

0:12:52 > 0:12:55# She's pretty messed up mentally

0:12:55 > 0:12:56# You've got a date

0:12:56 > 0:12:58# A date with destiny

0:12:58 > 0:13:00# Show goodwill and foot the bill

0:13:00 > 0:13:02# Or she'll launch her nuclear weaponry

0:13:02 > 0:13:05# She's got a missile! Get on the date... #

0:13:07 > 0:13:10Esc... What the goddamn hell is Esc?

0:13:14 > 0:13:17- You have ordered 10 packets of nachos.- Shut up!

0:13:17 > 0:13:19And guacamole.

0:13:19 > 0:13:228-BIT FANFARE PLAYS

0:13:22 > 0:13:26- Caught you at a bad time, Chief? - What the hell do you want, Woods?

0:13:26 > 0:13:29The Ace Town Natural History Museum has closed down.

0:13:29 > 0:13:32This is the only way I can see a dinosaur now!

0:13:32 > 0:13:36What button do I have to press to kick your ass?

0:13:36 > 0:13:39Oh, that would be the ass-kicking button. It's on the top row.

0:13:41 > 0:13:42No, no, no, down.

0:13:42 > 0:13:45- Oh, OK.- Across.

0:13:46 > 0:13:49I can't believe you actually looked for it!

0:13:50 > 0:13:52Hey, O'Mara!

0:13:52 > 0:13:54Later, old man.

0:13:54 > 0:13:57Man, I hate Captain Woods!

0:13:58 > 0:14:02'Mahogany is at base, Chief. Operation No Chance is go.'

0:14:02 > 0:14:03Let's do it!

0:14:04 > 0:14:07Anything goes wrong, you've got undercover backup there.

0:14:07 > 0:14:09Your tracking device is voice-activated

0:14:09 > 0:14:11so don't forget to switch it on when you leave.

0:14:11 > 0:14:13'Remember, John, this is all on you.

0:14:13 > 0:14:15- 'Mess this up and she will blow us all to hell.'- OK, I've got it.

0:14:15 > 0:14:17'And tell her that her hair looks nice.'

0:14:17 > 0:14:19Guys, I've been on dates before.

0:14:19 > 0:14:21We've got movement. Positions, everyone.

0:14:21 > 0:14:24- Hello, you.- OK, people, here goes nothing!

0:14:29 > 0:14:35- Her coat, John. Get her coat. - Oh, allow me.- Thank you, what a gent.

0:14:35 > 0:14:36THEY SIGH WITH RELIEF

0:14:36 > 0:14:39Sorry, I hope you don't mind me asking, but you did come alone,

0:14:39 > 0:14:42just because obviously I don't want to have to, you know...

0:14:42 > 0:14:44Boom!

0:14:44 > 0:14:48SHE SCREAMS

0:14:48 > 0:14:51Oh, my God, I'm melting!

0:14:51 > 0:14:53You know what I mean, yeah?

0:14:53 > 0:14:57Of course. You've literally got all of me to yourself.

0:14:57 > 0:15:00- There's not another cop for miles. - Bzzt! Bzzt!

0:15:00 > 0:15:03Bzzt!

0:15:03 > 0:15:05Bzzt!

0:15:05 > 0:15:06You all right?

0:15:06 > 0:15:08- What can I get you?- Erm...

0:15:09 > 0:15:14Hi, can we get a Chateauneuf-du-Pape, please, monsieur?

0:15:14 > 0:15:15I've got beer.

0:15:19 > 0:15:21Oh, oh, oh!

0:15:28 > 0:15:32I love a glass of wine. Beer is fine also. Oh, look!

0:15:32 > 0:15:34THEY GASP

0:15:34 > 0:15:39There is a launch button. Which can fire some nuclear missiles. OK.

0:15:39 > 0:15:42Sorry, is that not OK? I haven't been on a date for a while,

0:15:42 > 0:15:44I don't really know what's acceptable.

0:15:44 > 0:15:48No, no, of course, whatever you're comfortable with, really.

0:15:48 > 0:15:52To rekindling old flames and, ideally, not blowing up the city!

0:15:53 > 0:15:56SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYS

0:15:59 > 0:16:01# This is a passage in time

0:16:04 > 0:16:07# This is a passage in time

0:16:10 > 0:16:13# Will he get to her passage in time? #

0:16:13 > 0:16:15I thought I'd try out cyber-terrorism.

0:16:15 > 0:16:18Look at me, yakking on, when I guess it's time to go.

0:16:18 > 0:16:20Code red! Come on, Mahogany, it's now or never.

0:16:20 > 0:16:22You have to get back to hers.

0:16:22 > 0:16:24Come on, John, come on!

0:16:24 > 0:16:27Wait, erm, do...

0:16:27 > 0:16:32Do you want to come back for some coffee at my house?

0:16:32 > 0:16:35Or your house? It doesn't have to be my house, specifically.

0:16:35 > 0:16:36It can be at your house.

0:16:36 > 0:16:38If you don't have coffee, we can stop off on the way.

0:16:38 > 0:16:39Keep it together, Mahogany.

0:16:39 > 0:16:42Cos I don't like coffee so you just have to buy a coffee for yourself,

0:16:42 > 0:16:45but if you don't like coffee, then we can still go to your house

0:16:45 > 0:16:48and just talk about coffee houses. It's really up to you.

0:16:51 > 0:16:55I don't usually have guys back on a first date.

0:16:55 > 0:16:59THEY GROAN

0:16:59 > 0:17:00- Oh, OK.- But...

0:17:03 > 0:17:05- What the hell? Go on, then! - Really?- Yeah!

0:17:05 > 0:17:08THEY CHEER

0:17:19 > 0:17:21Wait! Where's Mahogany?

0:17:23 > 0:17:27I can't see him on any feed and he's not activated the tracking device!

0:17:27 > 0:17:31Damn it! Robot Cop, where the hell are you? Are you with Mahogany?

0:17:31 > 0:17:34- 'Nah.'- Well, get out there and find him, Goddamn it!

0:17:34 > 0:17:36OK, people, we got ourselves a situation.

0:17:36 > 0:17:40We need to find John and the city is depending on him. Let's go, go, go!

0:17:44 > 0:17:47May God have mercy on us all.

0:18:00 > 0:18:03I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle.

0:18:08 > 0:18:10Just give me your scooter.

0:18:16 > 0:18:17Thank you!

0:18:24 > 0:18:26- So, here we are.- Nice place.

0:18:26 > 0:18:30Oh, don't! I'm so embarrassed.

0:18:30 > 0:18:34Please, just give me a moment to tidy up.

0:18:34 > 0:18:39- This is interesting, what you've done here.- Oh, yeah! What do you think?

0:18:39 > 0:18:41It's, erm...

0:18:41 > 0:18:43It's very me.

0:18:43 > 0:18:47SHE LAUGHS

0:18:47 > 0:18:50Kowalski! Status report!

0:18:50 > 0:18:53Still waiting for Mahogany to initiate the tracking device

0:18:53 > 0:18:55to transfer his coordinates, Chief.

0:18:55 > 0:18:57Come on, John, where are you, Goddamn it?

0:19:14 > 0:19:16(Activate.

0:19:16 > 0:19:18(Turn on.

0:19:20 > 0:19:22(Mahogany is rubbish, Zach's the best.)

0:19:22 > 0:19:24BEEPING

0:19:24 > 0:19:26Mahogany has activated the tracking device.

0:19:26 > 0:19:27Good work, Kowalski!

0:19:29 > 0:19:30So, is that coffee still on offer?

0:19:30 > 0:19:32WHIRRING

0:19:32 > 0:19:35- ROBOTIC VOICE: - Battery cells recharging.

0:19:35 > 0:19:38Now entering...Christine...mode.

0:19:38 > 0:19:41Not another robot!

0:19:41 > 0:19:44'Yes, John, a robot,

0:19:44 > 0:19:47'but not just any robot - the Chrisotron 5000.

0:19:47 > 0:19:49'You see, I knew if I dangled some eye candy,

0:19:49 > 0:19:51'then I could lure you here.'

0:19:53 > 0:19:57I'm the girl you rejected 20 years ago. You're mine, John Mahogany.

0:19:57 > 0:20:02But first, I'm going to show you the monster you created.

0:20:05 > 0:20:06Holy crap!

0:20:06 > 0:20:09I know, I'm a monster.

0:20:09 > 0:20:10No, you're really not.

0:20:10 > 0:20:15You basically look the same as your robot. I don't know why you bothered.

0:20:17 > 0:20:19Come in, Robot Cop! We need you, Robot Cop!

0:20:24 > 0:20:25I'm on it, mate!

0:20:29 > 0:20:32I spent 20 years try to find a way to punish you.

0:20:32 > 0:20:34You won't run away this time.

0:20:34 > 0:20:38- It's time to die, John. - Backup, guys. Backup, backup!

0:20:38 > 0:20:41Right after we have loads of sex.

0:20:41 > 0:20:44Cancel backup, cancel backup, cancel backup!

0:20:49 > 0:20:52Come with me if you want a lift.

0:20:53 > 0:20:56Listen, can you give me five minutes?

0:20:56 > 0:21:00- Move, move, move!- Everybody, freeze!

0:21:00 > 0:21:02No, no, no, guys, I've got this so just leave.

0:21:02 > 0:21:04I'm FINE!

0:21:04 > 0:21:06If I can't have him, nobody will.

0:21:06 > 0:21:08KLAXON BLARES

0:21:10 > 0:21:14'Missile launched. Detonation in two minutes.'

0:21:14 > 0:21:16- Bollocks.- Right, I'll try and shut it down, then.

0:21:16 > 0:21:18No, get away from there!

0:21:18 > 0:21:22Chrisotron 5000, attack!

0:21:23 > 0:21:26Oh, my gosh, it's a robot and it's going to attack us.

0:21:26 > 0:21:28Yes, what we need is someone that can fight it.

0:21:28 > 0:21:31But who is best equipped to fight a robot?

0:21:33 > 0:21:37- Oh, bloody hell!- What about Robot Cop?- What about Zach?

0:21:37 > 0:21:39Yeah, robot on robot. That's a great idea.

0:21:39 > 0:21:42Let's see what you can do, ROBOT COP.

0:21:42 > 0:21:45- This is a good plan.- What?

0:21:46 > 0:21:48Ow, ow, ow! Really?

0:21:50 > 0:21:52Oof, not there!

0:21:53 > 0:21:55'Detonation in one minute.'

0:21:55 > 0:21:56Oh, fudge it!

0:21:56 > 0:21:59She's locked me out and re-routed the missile control

0:21:59 > 0:22:01to a random computer in the city.

0:22:03 > 0:22:06Let's hope it falls into the right hands.

0:22:10 > 0:22:13'Impact in 40 seconds.'

0:22:13 > 0:22:17- Hey, loser! - What? Get the hell off my screen!

0:22:17 > 0:22:19How's the weather over there?

0:22:19 > 0:22:22Your forecast says something about mushroom clouds

0:22:22 > 0:22:25and temperatures of up to five million degrees.

0:22:25 > 0:22:27'Impact in ten seconds.'

0:22:27 > 0:22:29Call me a cab!

0:22:30 > 0:22:32Think, Chief, think!

0:22:32 > 0:22:35Control-Alt-Delete, that will shut anything down.

0:22:35 > 0:22:37Control-Alt-Delete -

0:22:37 > 0:22:41which one of you Goddamn keys is Control-Alt-Delete?!

0:22:41 > 0:22:46- 'Impact in 20 seconds.' - Tab? Nope.

0:22:46 > 0:22:48Oop... Yep...

0:22:49 > 0:22:50Alt...

0:22:52 > 0:22:53Delete...

0:22:57 > 0:23:00- 'Impact in two seconds.'- What?

0:23:00 > 0:23:02Yeah!

0:23:11 > 0:23:14Well, that was a weird day. How you feeling?

0:23:14 > 0:23:15I think I've punctured a lung.

0:23:15 > 0:23:19Well, there's no time to rest, Robot Cop.

0:23:19 > 0:23:21We just got news that there's a prison riot

0:23:21 > 0:23:25in the especially violent wing at Justice City Penitentiary.

0:23:25 > 0:23:27Sod it.

0:23:27 > 0:23:29CHIEF GASPS

0:23:29 > 0:23:32It's me. I'm not really a robot.

0:23:32 > 0:23:36- Yeah, I know. What about the tax inspector?- It's fine.

0:23:36 > 0:23:38He doesn't work Tuesdays.

0:23:38 > 0:23:39Yeah, but it's Friday.

0:23:41 > 0:23:47Mitch Rust? You owe a tremendous amount of income tax.

0:23:47 > 0:23:51We'll be in touch.

0:23:52 > 0:23:54You know, we've all learned something today.

0:23:54 > 0:23:57I'm going to stop living in the past and embrace technology.

0:23:57 > 0:24:00I'm going to put personality before looks,

0:24:00 > 0:24:02because although we like to think we're not,

0:24:02 > 0:24:05deep down, we're all a little bit shallow.

0:24:05 > 0:24:07I'm going to Mexico!

0:24:07 > 0:24:09I'm going to build myself a Chrisotron 5000.

0:24:09 > 0:24:11I'm going to learn to take things more seriously.

0:24:11 > 0:24:14- I'm just happy to be here. - Yes, as am I.

0:24:14 > 0:24:16And we've all learned that the next time we go to Ace Town,

0:24:16 > 0:24:19we won't have any trouble finding a parking space!

0:24:19 > 0:24:23THEY LAUGH

0:24:23 > 0:24:25Everything there is literally dust!

0:24:27 > 0:24:29They're all fucking DEAD!

0:24:32 > 0:24:33Yeah!

0:24:41 > 0:24:43Action!

0:24:49 > 0:24:52Mmm... Ah, mmm...

0:24:55 > 0:24:56What is wrong with you two?

0:24:58 > 0:25:01The way you move and talk, it's not natural!

0:25:01 > 0:25:03LAUGHTER

0:25:03 > 0:25:05Get your ass out of my face, boy! What the hell you doing?

0:25:05 > 0:25:08Whoa! Whoa!

0:25:23 > 0:25:26Let's go save the day.

0:25:35 > 0:25:38It's top heavy! I did it for him.

0:25:38 > 0:25:41Take it from the lover of another brother's brother!

0:25:41 > 0:25:42- LAUGHTER - What the hell you laughing at?

0:25:42 > 0:25:44There's a lot of brothers!

0:25:50 > 0:25:52- I hate actors. - What's wrong with actors?

0:25:52 > 0:25:55Well, you know, they're all just like, "Mmm..."

0:25:58 > 0:26:03Mmm! Mmm, I can't wait for the wrap party.

0:26:05 > 0:26:07Hmm, let's go fuck each other.