0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains strong language.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09'And Seb Coe gets the gold medal...'
0:00:09 > 0:00:13# There may be trouble ahead
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# But while there's moonlight and music
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# And love and romance
0:00:20 > 0:00:25# Let's face the music and dance
0:00:25 > 0:00:31# Let's face the music and dance. #
0:00:41 > 0:00:43I don't care. Well...
0:00:43 > 0:00:45It's Monday morning.
0:00:45 > 0:00:51Already it's not a good start to the week for Twenty Twelve's Head of Deliverance, Ian Fletcher.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Over the weekend he's run into problems with his wife
0:00:53 > 0:00:57over the level of his commitment to a recent programme she's drawn up
0:00:57 > 0:00:59for him to reconnect with his emotional life.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01That's what you don't seem to...
0:01:01 > 0:01:03But things are about to get worse.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Look, I don't care.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15- Morning, Sally.- Oh, hi. Morning.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- So, we have a giant pile of horse shit on the pavement outside.- Yes.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- I'm assuming that's not an accident. - They're looking at the CCTV now.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Apparently it was just there this morning.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Or if it is, it's an accident of truly epic proportions.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I pity the horse involved.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Seb's office have been trying to get hold of you.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32Yes, I know. I thought I'd better see the size of it for myself first.
0:01:32 > 0:01:37- Just a wild guess - this is the Greenwich Park Separatist Movement, isn't it?- I think that's the idea.
0:01:37 > 0:01:43- I think the feeling upstairs is, it might be a better idea if you dealt with it rather than Seb.- Great.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- I think he feels it might be... - That's a much better idea. Great.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- Do you want a cinnamon Danish whirl with your cappuccino?- Why not?
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- Live dangerously.- They had fresh ones when I arrived, so I picked one up just in case.
0:01:53 > 0:01:59- Great. And if they've got any shit sandwiches, maybe you could pick one of those, too.- Right, oh...sure.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03After months of bitter argument, local feeling about the decision
0:02:03 > 0:02:09to use Greenwich Park as a venue for Equestrian events in 2012 is running high.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Apparently this Ward guy is a bit of a, you know, uh...
0:02:11 > 0:02:16Well, not a great deal, I know he was thrown out of the last council meeting, so...
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Well, apparently he called the Chair of the Planning Committee a useless fatso...
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Well, I know, but even so..
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Absolutely.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Yes, absolutely.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28No, absolutely.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32No, not at all, that's fine. Strategically the last thing we need
0:02:32 > 0:02:34is for you to be wading knee deep in...
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Absolutely, not at all, not in the least...
0:02:37 > 0:02:40'The strategy is to keep this as low key as possible. The press will no doubt get hold of it,'
0:02:40 > 0:02:44they love this kind of thing, but it makes sense to keep Seb out of it.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- So that's all good.- But how do feel about that?- That's great.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- You don't feel you've been dumped in the...?- No.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- I know what you want me to say, and I'm not going to say it.- OK.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55It's not the Monday morning I was hoping for, particularly after this weekend.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- But no, it's all good. - So what happened at the weekend?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01I don't think we really need to talk about that, do we?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- Well...- I'm not sure what there is to say about a 48-hour stony silence.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11- DOG BARKS - Come on, there we go. Leave it, leave it!
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Go on, go on, Otis, go on. Where's it gone?
0:03:16 > 0:03:20Tony Ward is no stranger either to controversy or to cameras.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22That's great, that's very real.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Today, it may be a BBC London News team.
0:03:25 > 0:03:31But 30 years ago, in 1979, he won a BAFTA for his film Intravenous,
0:03:31 > 0:03:35which has since gone on to achieve near cult status amongst those who saw it.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40- Maybe you could just do that one more time.- No, I think that's enough now for now, for fuck's sake.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43After the success of Intravenous, Ward had a spell in Hollywood
0:03:43 > 0:03:48where he made almost two other films in the 1980s before eventually returning to London
0:03:48 > 0:03:53to make a series of commercially less successful, but highly personal marriages.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55His house has overlooked Greenwich Park ever since
0:03:55 > 0:03:59and last year he became sole founder of the Greenwich Anti-Equine League.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02The horse lobby are a bunch of fucking tossers...
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Since Greenwich was chosen as the venue for equestrian events,
0:04:05 > 0:04:09he feels he has become trapped between various bureaucratic bodies
0:04:09 > 0:04:12which are disinclined to listen to the voice of the ordinary individual.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15In these circumstances he feels his campaign of action
0:04:15 > 0:04:17is not only a reasonable but an appropriate response.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- See how the fuck they like that. - Right.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23The irony of it is, I used to rather like this fucking country.
0:04:23 > 0:04:29- I mean yes, sure, I may have made a contribution to shaking it up in my own small way.- Right.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Fine. Yes, I'll grant you that.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32- Right. Yes.- The thing is...
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Sorry, in what way exactly?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Well, through my work.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Oh, right. Oh, yes, of course.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Yes. But that's only because I love it.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- It's like beating your wife.- Right.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Which I've also done, obviously, but I'm not proud of it,
0:04:48 > 0:04:52but there's a kind of honesty in that moment that people really don't like to talk about.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- No. Right.- This isn't a local issue. It's not about me.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59This is a symptom of a much wider malaise in this country.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- Right.- I mean they've managed to fuck up just about everything else.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08That patch of ground out there is just about the only thing
0:05:08 > 0:05:11that keeps me fucking sane in this world.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Back at the Olympic Deliverance Commission,
0:05:13 > 0:05:18it's the end of the day, and for Ian there's a first sighting of his new adversary.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21What you've got to imagine is 200 heavy-thighed competitors
0:05:21 > 0:05:23camping around in tights and leather boots with whips.
0:05:23 > 0:05:29God knows how many hundred horses, complete with horse boxes and Christ knows what else,
0:05:29 > 0:05:31trampling the grass into porridge and crapping at will
0:05:31 > 0:05:34and 20,000 pubescent girls from second-rate public schools in Surrey
0:05:34 > 0:05:38with dreadful aspirational mothers arriving every day to watch it all.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41In the meantime, ahead of tomorrow's planning meeting, this is one protest
0:05:41 > 0:05:45that the Olympic authorities aren't going to enjoy sweeping under the...
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Right, well, seems like a reasonable man.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53- Yes.- Good to see the whites of his eyes anyway.- Yes.- Right.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57It's been a long day, but Ian knows he's going to have to go home at some point.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Nice dog.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03- Yes.- I like dogs.- No, the dog's fine. - I've never had one. They're too much trouble, aren't they?
0:06:03 > 0:06:07- Well, you can have trouble without having a dog.- Right. Yes, good point.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09OK. Well, you're just here for a bit, are you?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- Yes, probably.- Right.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Yeah, just got a bit to do.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- Bloody emails.- Oh! Don't get me started.- Getting ridiculous. - It is, ridiculous.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19OK. Well, see you tomorrow then.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Yes. Bye. Not a problem.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39It's Tuesday morning, and as Ian arrives for work,
0:06:39 > 0:06:44there's good news and bad news in the horse manure department.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Hi. It's me, obviously. I don't want to talk, in case you're wondering.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Probably not. I left my keys in the house last night. So I can't get in.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54The pavement outside the Olympic Deliverance Commission is clear,
0:06:54 > 0:06:59but yesterday evening, Tony Ward's campaign of protest became more personal
0:06:59 > 0:07:03when the latest special delivery was deposited outside Ian's own front door.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07..A vague smell of horse shit following me around and I've tracked it down to my trousers.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11So I need to get some fresh clothes and stuff. OK?
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Right. I'm going to turn my mobile off so you can leave a message.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Or email me or something. OK? Right.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23I suppose it's partly my fault. It all got a bit out of shape for a while last night.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- I won't go into detail.- No, OK. - OK, she'd had a bit of a shock.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29No-one likes to arrive home to find some guys from the antiterrorist unit
0:07:29 > 0:07:31pushing a big pile of shit around on your doorstep.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- No. What were they doing there? - They were making it safe, apparently. - Right.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39So that's all good. Plus, Eileen from next door got into a state about it.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43- Because of...- It was her daughter's birthday and she thought they'd bought her a pony.- Oh, right.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47But my strategic error was, I went out about midnight, just you know...
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- Yes.- And I left my keys behind.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52In retrospect that was a very basic error.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53So how did you get back in?
0:07:53 > 0:07:57- That's what I'm saying. I had to spend last night in the car. - God, that's...- So yeah.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- I mean, it's a Volvo... - Oh, well, at least...
0:07:59 > 0:08:03But how can I put this? It's an enclosed space in which to discover
0:08:03 > 0:08:06you've managed to get horse shit on your trousers somehow.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Ian's wife Laura is a busy lawyer in her own right.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15We asked her to take part in this programme, but she was clear that she didn't want
0:08:15 > 0:08:21any of her personal details to be identified either psychologically or legally.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Meanwhile, back at the ODC, other members of the Deliverance Team
0:08:24 > 0:08:28are working hard to prepare for the Greenwich Park decision.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30It's on a very large scale, so...
0:08:30 > 0:08:32it's the entire park, OK?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36We've got every single tree individually marked out,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38so we know exactly where they are.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- Well, that's good. But we already know where the trees are.- Yes.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44You can go and look where they are, it's not a secret.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Yes, OK, but still.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49'Head of Sustainability, Kay Hope, is in a meeting with Nigel Fox
0:08:49 > 0:08:52'from the London Wildlife Stag Beetle Outreach Project.'
0:08:52 > 0:08:54The issue is, stags don't live in trees,
0:08:54 > 0:08:56they live in stumps.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Right, yes.- So how many stumps have you got marked on there, then?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02OK. Right. Excuse me...
0:09:02 > 0:09:05'Kay's hope is that she can convince him of the ODC's commitment
0:09:05 > 0:09:09'to the preservation of the park's delicate ecosystem.'
0:09:09 > 0:09:13It's a globally threatened species, protected under the Wildlife And Countryside Act,
0:09:13 > 0:09:17listed as a priority for the UK And London Biodiversity Action Plan...
0:09:17 > 0:09:19When it comes down to it, it means bugger-all.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23- OK, so here's one. Here's a stump. - Right.- There's another one here...
0:09:23 > 0:09:24and here.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Yeah. Those are wastepaper bins.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29And they will stay exactly where they are,
0:09:29 > 0:09:32we're absolutely committed to that.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35OK, fine. So I'd need to be there by 7.30?
0:09:35 > 0:09:37OK.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Well, that would be great if you could. Yes, thanks.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43And it'll be live?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Sure. No, that's fine.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47No, that's all good. OK.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48So I guess...
0:09:48 > 0:09:51'Meanwhile, as media interest in the Greenwich Park protest grows,
0:09:51 > 0:09:54'Ian has had a call from the BBC
0:09:54 > 0:09:58'inviting him to take part in a discussion with Tony Ward
0:09:58 > 0:10:00'on tomorrow morning's Radio Four Today Programme.'
0:10:00 > 0:10:02OK, great. Well, fantastic.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04See you tomorrow.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Bye.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- Wow!- I don't know if you actually like kiwi fruit.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- Yes, I do.- It's full of vitamin C.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Yes.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I mean, this is fantastic.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16It's not a problem.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20'I've seen those proposals.'
0:10:20 > 0:10:24The reason why there's no stumps on your plans is - nobody's talking about this -
0:10:24 > 0:10:30- but those proposals involve quietly removing five of the seven remaining tree stumps in the park.- Five?- Yes.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32To make it look better on TV, obviously...
0:10:32 > 0:10:35'Meanwhile, Kay and Nigel Fox are getting down to the nitty-gritty.'
0:10:35 > 0:10:38In numerical terms, five is a very high number.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42- It's been a very unpleasant battle to preserve those seven. - I'm on your side, Nigel.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46- It's been bloody. - I am fighting the same battles in this organisation every day.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50- OK, it's only a beetle, but it gets to you in the end. - It's more than a beetle, isn't it?
0:10:50 > 0:10:55- It always is, that's the thing about sustainability.- It's all very well these T-shirt animals...
0:10:55 > 0:10:57The bloody hedgehog. Well, fine.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- But somebody's got to stand up.- Yes.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05- You spend two to three years inside the same damp tree stump even before you become a pupa.- Yes.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09- You spend another whole winter in there, inside the pupal case.- Right.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13Then, just when your brief time is coming, just when it's beginning to get warm,
0:11:13 > 0:11:16some JCB comes along and flattens the whole bloody lot.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I'm going to do something about this.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26"..It's unfortunate if there is the odd isolated individual
0:11:26 > 0:11:29"who may not have come on that journey with us."
0:11:31 > 0:11:33What the fuck does that mean?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38'Meanwhile, over in Greenwich,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41'Tony Ward has already started making preparations
0:11:41 > 0:11:44'for tomorrow morning's radio debate.'
0:11:45 > 0:11:47This salad dressing
0:11:47 > 0:11:49is the only thing my third wife did for me.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Really?
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Olive oil, white wine vinegar,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56tablespoon of Dijon, tablespoon of honey.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Seven years of fucking marriage for that.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Right. Good. So how are you going to prepare for the debate tomorrow?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10It's not even as if I like salad that much.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- But my doctor's some kind of fucking Nazi.- Right.
0:12:12 > 0:12:18- So how...- You go in and they've got their finger up your fucking bum. They love all that.- Good.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22- So how are you going to prepare for tomorrow's debate?- Right, OK.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Let me tell you tell something.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Um, right... Um...
0:12:26 > 0:12:29When I was shooting Intravenous,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32people used to bleat on about fucking storyboarding
0:12:32 > 0:12:34and narrative beats.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35- Well, fuck that.- Right.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Oliver and I used to turn up each morning, look at each other,
0:12:38 > 0:12:41have a fucking great argument which he'd normally win,
0:12:41 > 0:12:43and then we'd do it my way anyway.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45And that's the way it was.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- That's what you see on the screen. - Right.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49You meet life in the moment,
0:12:49 > 0:12:51not before it, not after it.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Right, yes.- Cheers, mate.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59So yes, it's me. I left you a message earlier.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01It's half-past six.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03My trousers are stinking, I need a shower.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I need to get into the house, OK?
0:13:05 > 0:13:09So...give me a call. OK?
0:13:12 > 0:13:18OK, guys. We've got a situation, unless we control it we're out of control.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19'Back at the ODC,
0:13:19 > 0:13:20'it's been a full day already.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24'But at the end of the afternoon, Head of Brand, Siobhan Sharpe, has arrived,
0:13:24 > 0:13:27'confident that she can make it even fuller.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29'Her idea is that she should chair a workshop
0:13:29 > 0:13:31'in which members of the Deliverance Team
0:13:31 > 0:13:34'prepare Ian fully for tomorrow morning's live radio debate.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37'First up, is Head of Infrastructure, Graham Hitchens.'
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- What are the issues, from your perspective? - From my perspective, OK,
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- is there a funny smell in here or is that just me? - I thought that.- Did you?
0:13:45 > 0:13:46I didn't want to say anything...
0:13:46 > 0:13:50OK, guys, we are at 13 hours and counting, and we're counting down.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54OK. Well, in terms of infrastructure,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57one thing they're going to say is
0:13:57 > 0:14:00there is no way that you're going to get up to 75,000 people
0:14:00 > 0:14:02in and out of that park over a two-week period,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05not with the public transport network as it is. No way, OK?
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- They're going to say that's going to be a total disaster.- Sure.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10OK? They're going to say...
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Oh, I don't know... They're going to say
0:14:13 > 0:14:15it's going to be a war zone in there, you know.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20Hundreds of horses breaking loose and trampling women and children to death...
0:14:20 > 0:14:24- Thanks, Graham. I think I've got the picture. - That's the first thing they'll say.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25- OK. Ian.- OK.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30Well, the park already has excellent transport connections with the DLR to Greenwich,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32the overground links to Blackheath,
0:14:32 > 0:14:35and the Thames River Service to Greenwich Pier.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39We've worked very closely with local community groups to devise our Coordinated Movement Plan
0:14:39 > 0:14:43which involves the temporary removal of the gates at the Vista Park entrance
0:14:43 > 0:14:47and dedicated one-way entrance and exit points at St Mary's Gate
0:14:47 > 0:14:49and Circus Gate respectively.
0:14:49 > 0:14:55- OK. Graham?- Yeah, what?- Are we good with that?- Yeah, that's fine.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59The other thing they're going to go on about is toiletage.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- Whoa.- They are obsessed with that.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03OK, we've got a schedule here.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- I'm just saying... - Sorry to bother you.- No, it's OK.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09OK, guys. Time out. Back in five.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12That's me missing Britain's Got Talent. Thank you.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- I wrote it down.- Did you speak to her?- No, I just listened.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21'Whilst the meeting has been in progress, there's finally been a message from Ian's wife.'
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- She doesn't care where your keys are.- Right.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26'Unsettled by the events of last night,
0:15:26 > 0:15:28'she's gone to stay at a friend's house.'
0:15:28 > 0:15:31..basically, can't bear to be anywhere near you.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- That's all she said. - Yeah, that's all.- Right, OK.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- I mean, I didn't write down the other things.- Right.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- Um, Sally...- Yes.- Could I just...
0:15:41 > 0:15:46The thing is, I don't think I can really go on the Today Programme smelling of horse shit.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I need you to get me some new trousers.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51I don't know, but I think Selfridges sometimes stays open till ten.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Yes, it does. Not a problem, I checked.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57- I wouldn't normally ask you to do this...- No, that's fine, not a problem. It's fine.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- So, it's Hugo Boss.- Yes. - 38-inch waist.- Yes, 38, yes.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I tell you what, why don't you just take the jacket,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06then just ask them to get the trousers that go with that.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Yes, of course.
0:16:07 > 0:16:13- Here's my credit card. I'll give you my PIN number.- Yes, absolutely.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15But if they want my inside leg measurement,
0:16:15 > 0:16:20- I'm afraid you'll just have to use your imagination.- Yes, no, not a problem. Not a problem.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- So, for instance, we've done a survey of every single tree in the park.- That sounds good.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31It's fine, it's all fine.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Except, the thing is, the stag beetle doesn't actually live in trees, it lives in tree stumps.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39- It's like being on Springwatch. - It feeds on dead wood. - I think I know how it feels.
0:16:39 > 0:16:44- I'll have that.- This is actually pretty serious.- No wonder Bill Oddie's a manic depressive.
0:16:44 > 0:16:49'Siobhan has decided that Ian and his team are happy to work late into the night if necessary.'
0:16:49 > 0:16:53From my perspective, from a Sustainability point of view, we're really exposed here.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- I totally get that.- No, you're absolutely right about this, Kay.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00- From a Legacy point of view, we're definitely vulnerable.- Legacy?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03We go in there, we spend £34 million putting everything in,
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- then we just take it all away again.- OK.- There is no legacy.
0:17:05 > 0:17:10- Legacy and Sustainability are not the same. They're totally different words.- Yes, I'm sorry.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- Totally different.- It's late and I just... I know they are.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Sustainability is obviously the issue here.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Nobody's thought about it, as usual. I really think the stag beetle
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- is offering us an opportunity to redeem ourselves. - OK, where are we with this?
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- We want to remove half the existing tree stumps in the park? - It's more than that.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- It's five out of seven so it's, that's, it's...- That's... - It's seven tenths...
0:17:30 > 0:17:36- OK, guys...- 71.4%.- Exactly. Right. It's a criminal act. - OK. Thank you, Graham.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39You've got your keyboard, a touchscreen - best of both worlds.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- OK. we've got an issue here and we've got to nail it. - Looking at this,
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- it's quite hard to see what's what. - You're telling me! I can't make head nor tail of it.
0:17:47 > 0:17:52- Nobody's thought it through.- What are the round things?- I'm hoping they're pepperoni, I've had three.
0:17:52 > 0:17:57- There are some trees we may have to lose.- OK. How many? - I don't know. Ten or something.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- Not the listed ones, obviously.- OK.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01That's bad enough, but at least we'll be replanting.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05- But you can't replant a stump. - But if...- It's absolutely typical. Welcome to my world.
0:18:05 > 0:18:10- So let's say we're cutting down ten existing trees. Why can't that be ten new tree stumps?- What?
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- Holy shit.- Unless I've misunderstood something.- Uh, well...
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- In terms of Sustainability...- Jesus. - ..our legacy, our...
0:18:17 > 0:18:21You know, the thing will be that, in fact, after the Games
0:18:21 > 0:18:25- there'll be more tree stumps in the park than there are now. - Yay! Go Beetle!
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- I mean, that's all very well. - Yeah, that's a 58.3% increase.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- That is sensational! - You've got GPS on here, obviously.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- Have you got a fast-forward on that thing?- OK.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37It's half-past ten. I think we've probably...
0:18:37 > 0:18:41- I know exactly what'll happen. I know already.- OK, guys. Good job. I think we're done.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44The Legacy lot will get their hands on this. You just wait.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Yeah, great.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Can I have your dough balls?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51'Sorry, I couldn't get down to Dad's at the weekend...'
0:18:51 > 0:18:54'By the time the meeting's over it's nearly eleven o'clock,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57'but Ian has still found time to phone his sister.'
0:18:57 > 0:19:01It's a bit late to call out of the blue. In fact, you're probably in bed already.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04But is there any chance of me crashing at your place tonight?
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Perhaps you could just let me know either way? Mind you, if you're asleep...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- Sally.- Oh, hi.- You're still here.
0:19:15 > 0:19:20- Yeah, I had a bit of catching up to do. Some spreadsheet-ing, anyway. - You got the stuff!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Yeah, I just put it over there. - Oh, that's great, that's perfect.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- Brilliant, Sally.- Not a problem. I had them taken up.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29They said they couldn't do it cos they were closing,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- but I pointed out they had a sign up saying "Free Alteration Service."- Right.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36- I think they just wanted to go home. - What's this? A tie?- Yes. - That's, really...
0:19:36 > 0:19:41- You don't have to wear it, I just thought...- No, no, no, it's great. And...a razor.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- You can take it back. Or I can take it back if it's easier. - Oh, no, no.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48Aftershave balm with soothing aloe vera and healing tea tree oil.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- I don't know if you like tea tree oil.- This is too much. - A lot of people don't.- What's this?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55It's fine, I can just take it all back. It's not a problem.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58This computer is so slow...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Socks?
0:20:00 > 0:20:04It's annoying, actually. They keep saying they're going to replace it, but they haven't.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10This is the wrong entrance? There's a wrong entrance and a right entrance?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13'It's the next morning, and Tony Ward's arrival at the BBC
0:20:13 > 0:20:15'has got off to a false start.'
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Typical fucking BBC. Perfectly good fucking entrance where everybody used to come in and out.
0:20:19 > 0:20:24- Then they build another fucking entrance 300 yards up the fucking road. Bunch of- BLEEP.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- Are you feeling confident?- This is the wrong way, isn't it?- Uh...
0:20:27 > 0:20:31- We're going towards the fucking car park.- Right. - Fucking hell.- Right.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38..Looking at your face, they're also going to be looking at you...
0:20:38 > 0:20:40'Meanwhile, Siobhan has made sure that Ian,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43'who is feeling much better-rested this morning, is there early.'
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Another thing is, it takes 37 muscles to frown, right?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Yeah, this is radio, Siobhan.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52OK, but here's the thing about radio. Radio's a totally visual medium.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56- Yes, I know that.- Why do you think they got webcams in there?- What?
0:20:57 > 0:21:02- And the loos are just back here, round to the left if you need them. OK. So, here we are.- Right.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- I don't know whether you two have actually met?- No, we haven't.- Hi.
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Yeah, that's enough.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14'Meanwhile, Tony Ward has finally made it into the building.'
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- Can I get you a coffee? - Yeah, sure.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20I'll have a latte with as much caffeine as you can physically ram into it.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- We've just got coffee, I'm afraid. - OK, forget it.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Or, I don't know... We've tea, or maybe...
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Yeah, actually, fuck it. Just bring me some coffee, love, OK? Fuck it.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Coffee, right.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34The running order's changing all the time, so I'll see what the latest is.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36- Yeah, do that.- Thanks.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Right.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Yesssss.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09'Owing to a devastating mudslide in Taiwan, following weeks of heavy rain,
0:22:09 > 0:22:12'Ian and Tony's slot has been put back in the running order.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15'All they can do now is wait.'
0:22:15 > 0:22:17'I've got nothing to say to him.'
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- Everything I'm going to say, I'm going to say on air.- Right.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- Him and his bit of media skirt.- Do you know what you're going to say?
0:22:23 > 0:22:27- They're in for a surprise.- Right. - I'm going to be Mr Reasonable.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- Well, that probably will be...- Can you take this? I don't want it.- OK.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- It's unspeakable.- Right.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I'm going to be calm, I'm going to be polite,
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I'm going to be rational.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40And I'm just going to let the guy reveal himself
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- as the useless- BLEEP- that he is.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Right.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48No, I'm feeling pretty good.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52It's surprising what not smelling of horse shit does for your confidence.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54I think the longer the wait,
0:22:54 > 0:22:58the greater the chances of him just overheating and blowing a circuit.
0:22:58 > 0:23:03The other good thing is that Siobhan thinks I'm still in the toilet. It's all looking very good.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09- OK, so here's the situation. Sorry to have kept you waiting. - No, not at all.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12The running order's gone because of the mudslide.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14But we're trying to get you in, since you're here.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19- You'll be the last item, running up to nine o'clock and you won't have long, I'm afraid.- OK.- Ah, fuck.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23I'll take you through now, but it might be worth thinking of one or two key things...
0:23:23 > 0:23:24- (Stag beetle.)- What?
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- One or two key points to make... - (Stag Beetle.)
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- Thank you, Siobhan.- OK, if you want to follow me.- Cool.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34- It'll just be the two of them in the studio, I'm afraid. - OK. I'm sure that could work.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35I'm cool with that.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43'Finally, after all the build-up and preparation, the moment has arrived.'
0:23:43 > 0:23:45..All over the papers, ahead of that planning decision.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49We're joined by Tony Ward, who's the man responsible for the protest,
0:23:49 > 0:23:52and by Ian Fletcher, who's Head of Deliverance at the ODC.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Now, we're going to have to keep this brief, gentlemen, I'm afraid.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Tony Ward, what exactly do you hope to achieve in this campaign?
0:23:59 > 0:24:04Good morning, James. These people are a bunch of chinless Stalinists. That's no controversy...
0:24:04 > 0:24:08We'll have to put that straight to Ian Fletcher. Chinless Stalinist?
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- Well, I think... - Very briefly, I'm afraid.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Yes, obviously, I'm very sorry that Tony feels that way.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16All right, gentlemen, we'll have to leave it there.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18We will return to this again before 2012.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Our editors today were Ollie Stone-Lee and Alexis Condon.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- From all of us, good morning. - Good morning...
0:24:23 > 0:24:25OFF-AIR SIGNAL BEEPS
0:24:29 > 0:24:34Waste of fucking time. Typical Radio Four. It's all plays about women having problems with refrigerators.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37'Despite all his experience in the film world,
0:24:37 > 0:24:42'Tony has been genuinely surprised by the speed at which live radio can sometimes move.'
0:24:47 > 0:24:51'Meanwhile, by the time Ian has got back to the Olympic Deliverance Commission,
0:24:51 > 0:24:53'there's a surprise waiting for him.'
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- Morning.- Oh, hi.- So, did you hear it?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Yeah. Yeah, I did, yeah. I heard it.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Right. So what did you think?
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- There's someone here to see you. - What?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Jesus. Right. OK.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08- Fuck.- I offered her tea.- Uh... - But she said she didn't want anything - or coffee.
0:25:08 > 0:25:13- So I just gave her some water, really.- Right, OK.- And then she went in there.- Right, God.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15- Well, she's coming out.- Shall I?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17'His wife, Laura, has decided to drop by.'
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- No, you stay right where you are. - OK.- Hi.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- First of all, as you know, I am a lawyer.- Yes, hello.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23I have not given my consent to be filmed,
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- so if I appear in this. I will sue you personally, and I will win. - Right.- Laura!
0:25:27 > 0:25:30I mean, at least that's all pretty, uh...
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- Would you like a... - You stay exactly where you are. - Not a problem.- Laura...
0:25:34 > 0:25:36- So we're turning that off, OK? - Uh, well, shall we...
0:25:36 > 0:25:39I think legally you can't...
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- Where was I? You locked me out. - Where did you get that tie from?
0:25:44 > 0:25:48- What, this?- You haven't got a tie like that.- Laura, let's just go somewhere and talk.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50We ARE somewhere, I AM talking.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52- Uh, shall I?- No, leave that.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55- I just thought...- Don't think, just leave it!- Not a problem.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59- This is between you and me. I'm not having you talk to Sally like that. - No, really...- I'm not having it.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- But really... - Sally, please, shut up.- OK.
0:26:01 > 0:26:06- Where did you spend last night?- I don't see why I should answer that. - Were you with her?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09- This is pointless and embarrassing. - I take your failure to answer as a yes.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13- If that's what you think happened, fine, good.- Actually can I...
0:26:13 > 0:26:16- Sally, please, stay out of this. - It's not a problem, I'd like to say something.- No!
0:26:16 > 0:26:20- What are you doing with that? - Oh, nothing.- Is it still on?- No.
0:26:20 > 0:26:25- I sit here every day.- Sally!- There's still a light on.- That's just the... - It's still on!- It just does that.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- I sit and never say much. - Please!- It's not a problem, but all my life...
0:26:37 > 0:26:42# There may be trouble ahead
0:26:42 > 0:26:45# But while there's moonlight and music
0:26:45 > 0:26:49# And love and romance
0:26:49 > 0:26:54# Let's face the music and dance
0:26:54 > 0:26:58# There may be teardrops to shed
0:26:58 > 0:27:01# So while there's moonlight and music
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# And love and romance
0:27:04 > 0:27:11# Let's face the music and dance
0:27:11 > 0:27:15# Let's face the music
0:27:15 > 0:27:18# And dance. #
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd