0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08HE SIGHS
0:00:10 > 0:00:12DOORBELL RINGS
0:00:14 > 0:00:16- Oh, hi, Eric.- Hi, Cath.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19I'm just doing Colin's scrambled eggs.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Colin, I've stirred it, what do I do now?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- Er... Colin up, aye?- Uh-huh.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25I was wondering if he could give me a hand
0:00:25 > 0:00:27- to shift the bed out of Ian's old room.- Colin!
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Eric needs you to help move a bed.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33- What?- He need you to help move a bed!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Tell him I'll be round after my scrambled eggs.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39He says he'll be round after his scrambled eggs.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Do you know how to make them, Eric?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- TOILET FLUSHES - Cathy, tell him I'll just come now.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45I'll get my scrambled eggs after.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49I'll just do him some toast when I get back.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52- I'm coming, too, yeah?- Uh...
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Then you've got your bibs, you've got your car seat,
0:01:12 > 0:01:16you'll need weaning spoons, no' to mention a good potty.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18You loved your potty.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I've got lovely photos of you sitting on it, grinning away,
0:01:21 > 0:01:23taking care of your business.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25And you'll need a steriliser for your bottles.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- I don't need bottles. - You don't need bottles?!
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- No, I'll breast-feed. - That's not as easy as you think.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Look at the hassle I had with you.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Every time I opened my nightie, you screamed the place down.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I must have got that off my dad.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Pardon?- Look, I've not even been for my first scan yet.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Well, when is it? I'll need to mark that up on my calendar.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Now, where are we?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Please don't say it's the 11th.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52What's the 11th?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54It's the anniversary of your gran dying.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- Oh, and don't say it's the 12th. - What's the 12th?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I've got that guy coming to see that wasp's nest at the back door.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04It's the 13th.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- Friday the 13th?- Uh-huh.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08I'll mark that in.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09That's great.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16So, have you heard from Christine?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19She's tried to phone a few times, but I don't want to get involved.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Oh, use this for mine, will you?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Ooh. Decaf?- Yeah.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29My counsellor said to me, "Cathy, cut out the stimulants."
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- OK, right.- Tea's fine, as long as you put a bit of Baileys in it.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Ah. So how's it going with the counsellor?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Brilliant, Beth. I should have done this years ago.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40That's great, Cathy.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42She said to me, I have one of the worst cases
0:02:42 > 0:02:46of low self-esteem she has ever seen.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48It's all about talking, Beth.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50You know me, I keep everything to myself.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Like all that stuff about trying for a baby, I just...
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I bottle that up. Apart from the night
0:02:55 > 0:02:59I had to stay here when me and Col had the, erm, fall-out.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01And the time that Eric saw me walking along the bypass.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04And the time I got kicked out of the Early Learning Centre
0:03:04 > 0:03:05for slapping the assistant. Bitch.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Well, I just wanted to know what was happening...
0:03:07 > 0:03:10And that is NOT healthy.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13She said I need to put myself first for a change
0:03:13 > 0:03:14and start opening up.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16So, from now on, you'll be glad to hear,
0:03:16 > 0:03:19I'm going to be doing a lot more talking.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20About me.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Here we go.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- Ugh!- Do you want me to go on that side?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- No, no, I'm all right. - Are you sure, Eric?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I mean, no offence, but you're carrying plenty already.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36I'm fine, let's get on with it.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- OK.- Hup!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Oh, here, did I tell you that me and Cathy
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- went for the memory foam, Eric? - Oh, right, did you?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46What an invention that is.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- Aye?- Aye. You know, you want to feel this thing
0:03:49 > 0:03:51when you're lying on it, Eric.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Honestly, it's like... It's like going to sleep on a cloud.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57It's soft, but not too soft.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00It's firm, but not too firm.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Anyway, three big swigs of Night Nurse and into that -
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Cath went over like a lamb.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Smashing. Do you think we could just...?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Oh, of course. Look, I'm sorry.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Right.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Oh, here, did I tell you about
0:04:13 > 0:04:15the fitted wardrobes we've got our eye on?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Oh, for...
0:04:17 > 0:04:18And I don't suppose it's worth asking
0:04:18 > 0:04:21if the proud father will be in attendance at the scan?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24He whose name remains a mystery?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26God, don't start this again.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- Is it Duncan?- No!
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- Is it Duncan's brother?- No!
0:04:31 > 0:04:32- Is it Marco?- No!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34- Is it Marco's brother? - Marco doesn't have a brother.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Who's that he's got driving his van for him, then?
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Matt's his uncle.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40What, the wee guy in a leather jacket with the tiger on the back -
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- that's his uncle?- Uh-huh.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Is it him?
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Och...
0:04:46 > 0:04:47THUD! Ouch!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Have you got it?- Aye, I've got it.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51That's you. Oh!
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Watch your paintwork.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Keep going.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Keep going.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59That's you.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Bet you're glad I'm here, eh?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08She said to me, "Cathy, just because you can't have kids
0:05:08 > 0:05:11"doesn't mean you can't have goals in life."
0:05:11 > 0:05:13So I've said to Colin,
0:05:13 > 0:05:17I definitely want a Mazda for Christmas, and...
0:05:17 > 0:05:18I've written to Loose Women
0:05:18 > 0:05:21and I've asked if I can be a presenter.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Is it Archie from the garden centre?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27- No.- Is it Archie's brother?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- No.- Michael. Is it Michael?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I've had enough. I can't listen to this.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32All right, all right.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Sophie, come back here.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Let's just leave it.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41I shouldn't pester you for the name, it's my fault.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Come back and sit down.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Come on.
0:05:51 > 0:05:56I know what we can do - why don't we get stuck into a bit of knitting?
0:05:56 > 0:05:57Knitting?
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Aye. That's what we all used to do, you know.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05Your gran knitted you a whole outfit for coming home from the hospital.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Hat, mitts, cardigan,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10jumper, tights, shawl.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Mind you, no sooner were you home
0:06:12 > 0:06:14then we had to take you straight back up there.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- How come?- Your temperature was through the roof.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18SHE LAUGHS
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Where's my...?
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Oh, you know, all my knitting stuff's away out in the hut.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27- The hut?- Aye, the hut.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29What's it doing in the hut?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I don't know.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Go and get it for me, will you?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34SHE SIGHS
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Mum!
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Mum!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Mum, the door's stuck!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10The door isn't stuck.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- It's locked.- Locked?
0:07:14 > 0:07:16What are you doing?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Mum, open the door!
0:07:18 > 0:07:20I will open the door when you tell me
0:07:20 > 0:07:23who the bloody hell the father of this baby is!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Oh.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Ugh.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31- Here?- Aye, just dump it there.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36Right. Cheers for the help, Colin.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- So when's the collection? - Tomorrow morning.- Aye?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41You want to watch, leaving that out overnight.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42I left a desk out front -
0:07:42 > 0:07:44some bastard shat in one of the drawers.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- Dear God!- I wouldnae have minded, but he left it lying wide open.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Maybe I'll just stick it in the garage overnight.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53That's a good idea. I'll get the door for you.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Thanks, Colin. I think I can manage it from here.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12There's your golf clubs there, Eric.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Eh?- Mind you said you couldn't find them
0:08:14 > 0:08:16that time I asked you if you fancied a wee game?
0:08:16 > 0:08:20- Oh, aye, aye. Aye, so they are. - Here, now we know where they are,
0:08:20 > 0:08:22we'll need to get you up to the club for a round.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- Oh, look...- No, no, no, listen, no bother at all.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28We'll get you up there, introduce you to a few of the guys.
0:08:28 > 0:08:29I tell you, they're nice fellas.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31We just don't want to get stuck with them,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34because someone cannae half yap, if you know what I mean.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- Look, really...- Shh! - 'Do you hear me?'
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- 'Do you hear me?'- Here, Eric.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Come here and see this.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44'What?'
0:08:44 > 0:08:46What's she doing?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48- 'Do you hear me?' - Is she giving the hut a row?
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Because I am going to find out exactly what you've been up to!
0:08:52 > 0:08:54So, how are you, missus?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57How you coping with all this upheaval going on?
0:08:57 > 0:09:01Well, once we've got the sofa bed in and the blinds up...
0:09:01 > 0:09:05Mm, not really going to make up for losing a son, though, is it?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Well, it's not exactly "losing a son".
0:09:08 > 0:09:12No, but as Fiona, my counsellor, said to me,
0:09:12 > 0:09:15it's all about how you feel.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Well, I feel OK.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19You see elephants, Beth?
0:09:19 > 0:09:23The mums actually burst into tears when their wee calves head off.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28They get so upset, they can actually die of a broken heart.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31They just lose interest in everything.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34They stop squirting water out their trunks,
0:09:34 > 0:09:36their ears stop flapping,
0:09:36 > 0:09:38and they go off their leaves.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39They just give up.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44And eventually, they just wander off, into the forest,
0:09:44 > 0:09:46lay down on their sides,
0:09:46 > 0:09:48and they never, ever get back up.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Are you an elephant, Beth?
0:09:55 > 0:09:56'Beth!'
0:09:56 > 0:09:58What is it?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Come here and see this.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05'You can bang all you like.'
0:10:05 > 0:10:08'Let me out! I need the toilet!'
0:10:08 > 0:10:10There's a watering can in there, you can go in that.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13BANGING ON DOOR
0:10:13 > 0:10:15'Let me out!'
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Christine?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Oh, hi, Beth.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Eh, what are you doing?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Nothing, I'm just having a wee afternoon in the garden.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Mrs Baird! Let me out!
0:10:28 > 0:10:30- Hello, Cathy. - Everything OK, Christine?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Oh, yes, everything's fine.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Let me out!
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Sophie in the hut, is she?
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Christine, come on, let her out.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- No.- Why not?
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- Because!- Why have you locked her in the hut, Christine?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44I haven't locked her in the hut.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- Yes, you have.- No, I haven't!
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Is she in there?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Yes.- Is the door locked?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- Yes.- Who locked it?
0:10:52 > 0:10:53- I did.- So you locked her in.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Well, when you put it like that.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57'Let me out!'
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I am sensing a lot of conflict here.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Och, away! We're fine.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03If you kick that fucking door one more time,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I'm going to come in there and leather you!
0:11:05 > 0:11:07'Let me out, then!'
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- Christine, come on. - Beth, Beth, wheesht, I've got it.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Christine, let's just take a deep breath in...
0:11:13 > 0:11:14SHE INHALES
0:11:14 > 0:11:17..and think sensibly about this.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Do we think this is the best way to handle a simple disagreement?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23No.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26So do we think the first thing we need to do is...
0:11:26 > 0:11:28open the door and let Sophie out?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31- No.- Oh, for fuck's sake.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Beth, go and get the axe.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Look, Christine, you can't keep her locked in the hut.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39So open the door and we can sort whatever this is out.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40OK?
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Sophie!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Wait, Sophie, come on!
0:11:53 > 0:11:59Dear me. I tell you what, when Beth's done sorting that lot out,
0:11:59 > 0:12:01she can head over to Palestine and get stuck in there.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04It'll be a piece of piss compared to that!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06At least Cathy's there, though, you know?
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Do her Kofi Annan bit and help keep a lid on things.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Did I tell you she's been having counselling?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- Aye?- Aye.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- The change is unbelievable. - In her or the counsellor?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- HE CHUCKLES - Women are different from us.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22They get awfully emotional about things.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26They cannae do what we do, which is just focus on what's in front of us.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28They're awfully easily distracted...
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Is that a dartboard?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Here we go, Christine.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- That tastes funny. - It's decaf, Christine.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44No, it's kind of creamy.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- Oh, no, that's mine.- Oh.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50So, tell me, what has been going on?
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Where do you want me to start?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55You decide. I am just here to listen.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Well... When I first had Sophie...
0:12:58 > 0:13:00We're not going back that far.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03She's maybe just excited about everything that's going on.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05"Och, I'm so excited, what shall I do?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07"Shall I look up baby names?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09"No, let's just go and lock someone in a hut."
0:13:09 > 0:13:11She's a nightmare, Mrs Baird.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12She'll just be worried about you.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14She's a nosy cow.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- Sophie, come on.- Well, she is.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19She just wants to know absolutely everything.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- Like what?- Well, like, when's your first scan?
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Have you looked at prams?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Who's the father?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31You know, the one I feel sorry for is Sophie.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Well, I do, too. It's easy done.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35You don't know what you're doing at that age.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I remember the first time I did it.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Talk about nervous - it took me three goes
0:13:39 > 0:13:41to get the money out of my wallet.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42HE LAUGHS
0:13:42 > 0:13:44HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I mean, the thing is, everything's different now.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48I mean, everything seems to be do with sex.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- I know!- It's everywhere.- It is.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52You walk down the street, you're getting bombarded by it.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55And the things young people wear these days, it's terrible.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57If that's not enough, you've got these things on your phone -
0:13:57 > 0:14:00you just click, and you get photos of folk popping up,
0:14:00 > 0:14:01ready to do it at the drop of a hat.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05It's dreadful.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Really, really dreadful.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16I should have had her on the pill.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19The doctor said to me, "Christine, given her age,
0:14:19 > 0:14:22"her naturally trusting personality,
0:14:22 > 0:14:25"and that new swing park going up across the road,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27"I'd get her on it ASAP."
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Why did you not?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30I thought she'd be fine.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I made it clear to her on many, many occasions
0:14:33 > 0:14:37the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39The thing is, though, Christine...
0:14:39 > 0:14:41boys will stick it anywhere.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45I thought she'd have more sense.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47It's up to her, though, isn't it?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49At the end of the day.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51- What do you mean?- Well...
0:14:52 > 0:14:53..she's an adult.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55No, she's not.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56She's...
0:14:57 > 0:14:58She's...
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Oh, Cathy!
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Come on, let's get a proper game, Eric.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Och, no, we're fine just having a muck about, are we no'?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Go on! Nearest the bull starts.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- Oh, all right.- On you go!
0:15:15 > 0:15:16"Super, smashing, great, Eric.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19"Stay out the black and in the red,
0:15:19 > 0:15:21"nothing in this game for two in a bed."
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Try telling Sophie that!
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Whoops-a-daisy.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29I could get a flat.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- I could! I mean, I'm old enough. - What about your mum, though?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Well, I'll just get one with a camera on the door
0:15:34 > 0:15:36so I can see her coming.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Sophie, your mum loves you.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40I'm sure this is nothing that can't be sorted.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43I mean, if the main thing is who the father is,
0:15:43 > 0:15:45why don't you just start by telling her who it is?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48The thing is, I want to tell her.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I do. It's not like I want to keep it a secret.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- So just tell her.- I can't.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Why not?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Because I don't know.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Oh.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01The thing is, though, Cathy, she's still young.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03And she's naive.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05You and I, we're women of the world.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- I know.- We know what men are like.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Selfish, sly, conniving.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Well, my Colin's not like that.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15No, he's just an arse.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Oh, yes!
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Not bad. Not bad at all.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Quite the wee Robin Hood there, eh?
0:16:26 > 0:16:28- Thanks very much.- You ever play for a team or anything?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30- What, like...?- Like a pub team?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32No.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35I used to run that one in the wee place behind the big Sainsbury's.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36We had some fun there.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Mind you, got to the stage
0:16:37 > 0:16:41- a lot of folk were just overdoing it with the bevvy, you know?- Really?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Oh, Christ, aye. I mean, see happy hour in there?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46It was like Custer's Last Stand!
0:16:46 > 0:16:47THEY LAUGH
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- Right, me to go first? - On you go.- Aye.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Oh, I don't know, Cathy.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Maybe it is my fault.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Maybe I've mollycoddled her for far too long.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Maybe I just have to accept
0:17:01 > 0:17:04that this is her growing up.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Why don't you two have a wee chat? Come on through the kitchen,
0:17:07 > 0:17:10and you two can sort it all out. Come on.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Yes!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16HE HUMS: Chase The Sun
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Hard lines, squire. Listen, sorry about that wee confusion there,
0:17:22 > 0:17:25because I genuinely thought three 18s were 96.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Mmm-hmm.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- Shall we play a decider, then? - Yeah, why not?- Right, me to go.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- Hey, hey!- What? - You went first last time.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- It's me.- So I did.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36What am I like?
0:17:41 > 0:17:42HE COUGHS
0:17:42 > 0:17:44HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Hi, Beth. How you doing, Sophie?
0:17:50 > 0:17:55Listen, Christine has something to say, are you all right with that?
0:17:55 > 0:17:59Actually, Sophie's got something she needs to say to Christine, too.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- Don't you, love? - In you come, Christine.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Awful smell of bacon in here.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17On you go, Christine.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Right. Well.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23I've been chatting to Cathy and, basically,
0:18:23 > 0:18:26I just wanted to say that I appreciate
0:18:26 > 0:18:28that you are now a grown-up,
0:18:28 > 0:18:30that it's your life,
0:18:30 > 0:18:33and I will support you no matter what.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Oh, and I'm sorry I locked in the hut.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- That was bad.- Mmm.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- Even though...- Christine.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48That was bad.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Now, Sophie, what have you got to say to your mum?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- Go on.- Look, Mum,
0:18:55 > 0:18:57the reason I haven't told you yet whose baby it is
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- isn't because I don't want you to know.- It's all right.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02But I do want you to know.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- I understand. - Christine, let Sophie talk -
0:19:05 > 0:19:07this is your time to listen now, Christine.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Fair enough.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Good. Sophie, this is your turn to get on with it.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Like I said, I do want you to know.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20It's just...
0:19:20 > 0:19:22It's just...?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25It's just...
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- ..I don't know. - What you mean, you don't know?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Uh-uh, Christine. What do you mean, you don't know?
0:19:32 > 0:19:35She does kind of know, don't you, love?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37I do kind of know, uh-huh.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40What she means is, she's just narrowing it down.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Narrowing it down? How many have there been?!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Christine! How many have there been?
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- Just two.- Well, you'll be able to work it out from the dates,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51- will you not? - Well, the thing is, though...
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Oh, Christ, there's more?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Christine, keep it nice.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Sophie, spit it out.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58The thing is, though...
0:20:00 > 0:20:04I don't think I'm going to be able to do that, uh, you know,
0:20:04 > 0:20:06work it out from the dates.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07How come?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Well...
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Because they were, er...
0:20:12 > 0:20:13They were quite close together.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15How close together?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Pretty close.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Very close, actually.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21How close is very close?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23- Well...- How close?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25On the same night?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Christine, don't be ridiculous, I mean, she's...
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oh, for fuck's sake.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Ooh! You wee shite.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39There's a draught coming in. Can you feel it?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41There's a draught coming in and blowing my darts off course.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43I'll just replay that.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- Hey!- What?- "Replay", honestly.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- Right, what am I on? 52? - Erm, no, 70...
0:20:51 > 0:20:53No, it was... It was 52.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58Yes!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Double 16 for the match.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04Ooh, that was a marker.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Right, here we go.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:21:16 > 0:21:19CLUBS CLATTER
0:21:19 > 0:21:20What happened there?
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Two on the same night.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30OK. That's OK.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Oh, my God.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36Sophie, it's all right, we've all done it.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37And do either of them know?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39They don't know I'm pregnant.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41They're going to get a shock when they find out.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Aye, when they find out they're not the only one!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- Well, they know that bit.- How?
0:21:46 > 0:21:47- Cos they know.- How do they know?
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Cos they were there, both of them, at the same time.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Oh, God save us!
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Cathy, I cannae take it. I cannae take this.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58I've never heard anything like it in my life!
0:21:58 > 0:22:00All right, Christine, it's all right.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03It's just been a wee threesome, hasn't it, Sophie?
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Honestly, Christine, it's more common than you think.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Isn't it, Beth?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- What?- I'm just saying,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15it's much more common than people think, this...
0:22:15 > 0:22:18this threesome stuff, isn't it?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Er... Yes.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- Very common.- Is it?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Uh-huh.- Have you done it?
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Me?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Erm... Yes.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Really?!- Uh-huh.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38Loads of times.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I don't see anything wrong with it.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43In fact, I quite enjoy it.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45The more the merrier, I say!
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Have you done it, Cathy?
0:22:46 > 0:22:50- Me? No.- Thank God for that.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53For a minute, I thought you two might have...
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Me and Beth? Christ, no!
0:22:56 > 0:22:58I've seen her getting changed for the aquarobics -
0:22:58 > 0:23:02I've never been so glad to get my goggles on in my life!
0:23:02 > 0:23:03THEY LAUGH
0:23:06 > 0:23:09I told you,
0:23:09 > 0:23:10there's a draught in here.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Draught, my arse! You were trying to put me off.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15You're a...
0:23:15 > 0:23:17You're a cheating wee fanny.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Now, you can't say that.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Oh, yes, I can.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21You're a fanny.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24You're a cheating little fanny.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Fanny, fanny, fanny!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Now, Eric, I'm warning you.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28Oh, you're warning me, are you?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30And what are you going to do about it?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32- Well, I'm, erm...- Eh?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34I'm going to leave this garage.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Right? And...
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I'm seriously reconsidering that offer to take you to the golf.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41You just can't bear it, can you?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44You can't stand the thought of other folk getting one up on you.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Whatever we do, whatever we've got, wherever we go,
0:23:47 > 0:23:48you have to be that bit better.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51You're no' happy unless you're pissing on other folk's chips!
0:23:54 > 0:23:56I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01I didn't realise you were such a bad loser!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Ya fanny!
0:24:03 > 0:24:06What's important now is Sophie and the baby, isn't it?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08And now that everything is out in the open,
0:24:08 > 0:24:11we can move on and just focus on them.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Absolutely. And can I just say...
0:24:14 > 0:24:17..no more threesomes from now on, yeah?
0:24:17 > 0:24:19That goes for you, too, missus.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23We're all here to support you.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Whatever it is we can do to help, we will.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I don't know what I'd do without you, Beth, I really don't.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31It's no trouble, we'll all muddle through.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Whatever it is you need, we'll make sure you get sorted.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- I'm OK.- I mean, I've still got a load of things in my loft.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41I've got a cot, a pram, that wee thing you put in the bath.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Well, I'm going to get my own stuff.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Aye, that's what she's saying just now.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Uh-huh, you're right. She's right, Sophie.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Once you realise all the work that's involved,
0:24:51 > 0:24:53you'll take all the help you can get.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Really, you know I can manage.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59And there is a whole load of toys, and Ian's bike.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Two bikes - the one he got when he was bigger.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04- There's even a bed. - Look, I don't need a bed!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Mrs White, will you tell them?
0:25:06 > 0:25:07She... What bed?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09The one I've just moved out of Ian's room.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Oh, just take it, Christine, it's just a cheap single bed.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- She'll take it.- No!
0:25:14 > 0:25:16I'll go and tell Eric it's to go through to yours -
0:25:16 > 0:25:19it's always one less thing for you to worry about.
0:25:19 > 0:25:20You're a star, Beth.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Where would you be without us, eh?
0:25:26 > 0:25:29All right, if that's how you want to play it.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Don't make me use it. I will, Eric, I swear!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34- I will.- Eric! What on Earth is going on?
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Oh, thanks, Beth, good job you're here.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38He's getting all worked up.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- Aye!- For goodness' sake!
0:25:40 > 0:25:42- Behaving like children! - It's him, he called me a fanny.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- Och...- What's going on, Colin, what's going on?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46It's all right, Cath, it's all right.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48I came out to find these two all set for a punch-up!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- I've got it, I've got it. - Oh, aye, have you got it?
0:25:51 > 0:25:55- Eric!- Don't lay a finger on my Colin, don't you dare!
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- Cathy!- This is all your fault, you wee fanny!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Eric, it was just a wee game of darts.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Here, Cath, you should've seen me.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04- HE HUMS: Chase The Sun - All right, Colin...- Right!
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Eric!
0:26:06 > 0:26:09HE CONTINUES TO HUM
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- He's not a fanny! - What's going on here?
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Christine, don't get involved, please.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Eric's all upset. I beat him at darts.
0:26:17 > 0:26:18You did not beat me, you cheated!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Oh, for God's sake.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22There was a draft, Christine.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24What's he doing?
0:26:24 > 0:26:28Cathy, dig those big fake nails right into his fat neck!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30That's it.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Christine, that is enough - away you go next door.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34I beg your pardon?
0:26:34 > 0:26:38- On you go. - Oh, that's charming, that is.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39One minute it's, "How can I help you?"
0:26:39 > 0:26:41The next it's, "Fuck off home"
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Hey, Mum, come on.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Hey, stop tugging at me.
0:26:45 > 0:26:46Well, let's just go.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49No, you're not wanting to stay in here with the rest of the bikes?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Well, I've called a spade a spade.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Come on!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Where would I be without you?
0:27:10 > 0:27:11Sophie?
0:27:11 > 0:27:12Sophie?
0:27:12 > 0:27:13Sophie!
0:27:13 > 0:27:16# My girl baby-sits for someone on her block
0:27:16 > 0:27:19# Then I come up to join her and we start to rock
0:27:19 > 0:27:22# The baby hears the beat and, man, it is a shock
0:27:22 > 0:27:24# When he goes...
0:27:24 > 0:27:26# G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g
0:27:26 > 0:27:30# And when it's time to tuck him in his little bed
0:27:30 > 0:27:33# With all that music runnin' through his sleepy head
0:27:33 > 0:27:37# The little fella doesn't say good night - instead, he says...
0:27:37 > 0:27:42# Boog-ooo, boog-ooo a-a-a-a-all-l-l-l-l gone! #