0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- How are you doing?- Yeah. Shared custody isn't that bad, really. Mum and Dad are in better moods now.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Oh, I made a new schedule.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14Oh, yeah.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20- It's good seeing you.- Yeah.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Whatever...
0:00:28 > 0:00:30MUSIC STARTS
0:00:33 > 0:00:35MUSIC SLURS TO A STOP
0:00:54 > 0:00:56One of these days I'm going to be dead for real
0:00:56 > 0:00:59and you won't respond appropriately! You didn't even check my vitals.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Have you ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04He was preparing his village for imminent wolf attacks.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07As a result of gross negligence, a child was torn limb-from-limb!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09He had it coming though, didn't he?
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- Oh, shit! Come on! - I'm tired of playing video games.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18That's what we do. You come over here and we play games. That's our thing.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Yeah, for the last year. Can't we try a new "thing?"
0:01:20 > 0:01:22How about puzzles?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Oh, fuck puzzles. Go on, switch it back on.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- I'm bored, I'm going to Dad's. - Oh, wait, look, I'm sorry.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30- I'm just cranky cos of my shit job. - Why don't you just quit?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I can't quit. If I quit I don't get severance.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I've tried getting fired. I relabelled the whole
0:01:35 > 0:01:37aisle of carpets "baby shit brown" and nobody noticed.
0:01:40 > 0:01:45- I'm sorry too. This whole restraining order's just really... - Getting on your tits?
0:01:45 > 0:01:49All this sneaking around has given me a rash. I've cut out caffeine so I know it's not that.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Well, why don't we ask your dad to drop the restraining order? I'm sure he's cooled down by now.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57Oh, you think? Once I told him I didn't like his cooking and he didn't talk to me for a week!
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Then I guess we'll have to keep this secret for the rest of our lives.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- Switch it back on and let's have a game!- I've got a better idea.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- Let's write a song!- I think I did see a puzzle round here somewhere.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Come on. When was the last time you wrote a really cracking tune?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13We haven't done anything together since, since Rage Records.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Yeah. I'm just kind of letting some ideas percolate at the moment.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21No. Are you telling me you haven't written a song in a year?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- You've got writer's block! - I don't have writer's block!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- It's OK. Hemmingway had writer's block.- Really?
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- What did he do about it? - He shot himself. - DOOR BUZZER
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- Andy?!- Shit! It's Mum. What are we going to do?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- Let's tell her. She'll be cool. - If Dad finds out that she knew he won't forgive her.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Fine. Climb out the window then. - Er, no.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41I'm reporting you to the police.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- Why?- For being a neglectful brother.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45I have my first client tomorrow.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Why would anyone let ME be their therapist?! I mean, do they know my history?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50And, look, look...
0:02:50 > 0:02:51I have bitchy resting face.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55I can't listen to crazy people's fucked-up problems and keep my bitchy face neutral.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Right, quick, just tell me something horrible.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- Something nobody knows.- Er, I ran over a pigeon the other day.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- Darker.- I had a wank in a Tube station toilet.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05There was a homeless man crying in the cubicle next to mine.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09That didn't stop me. In a weird way, if anything, I think it helped.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- How am I doing? - You look constipated.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Ugh! God I'm screwed. That story didn't really happen did it?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18No, the pigeon's fine. CANS CHINK
0:03:18 > 0:03:20What was that?
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Er, I have a girl over. Lola.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Looks like someone's dry spell ended with a "bang."
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Get her out here. Let's meet the old gal.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30No! She's very shy.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Is this Roly's bag?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Yes. I mean, I miss him
0:03:36 > 0:03:39and I went out and I bought a bag that's exactly like his.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42So whenever I'm feeling lonely I can just look at it
0:03:42 > 0:03:44and imagine he's here.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Come here.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56If it makes it any easier, I know he misses you too.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Right. Have fun with Lola.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Bye.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07See you tomorrow, Lola.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Until next time, Tube wanker.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13No, I don't think you look fat in it at all.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Well, only in the good parts... - Dad, are you home?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Oh, sweetie, I'd better go, Errol's home. No, I love you more. Bye.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Sorry I was a bit late I was just, finishing off my homework at school.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- No rest for the wicked, eh? - This has become a habit.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28What's the point in calling it "homework"
0:04:28 > 0:04:31if you're not doing it at home?
0:04:31 > 0:04:32ERROL CHUCKLES
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Good one, Dad!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Erm, Dad, can I ask you something?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Is it the chicken?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Sorry, I know your feelings on microwave radiation,
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- I didn't have time to cook it in the oven.- No, it's fine. Don't worry about it.- Good.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Now, what did you want to ask?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Erm, can you pass the salt, please?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12# Here I am, in a room
0:05:12 > 0:05:14# That's where I live
0:05:14 > 0:05:19# Next door lives a woman named Barbara
0:05:21 > 0:05:24# She likes a good doner kebabera. #
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Oh! Oh, argh!
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Would you like a tissue?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Shh...
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Yeah...
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Ah, hello, Belle, do come in.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- Just take a seat. - SAM TAKES A DEEP BREATH
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Brilliant. Hmm...
0:05:43 > 0:05:45So I've got a little history from your mum,
0:05:45 > 0:05:49but this is your space, so I'd love to hear, hear from you.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57I know that eating disorders can be very challenging.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- I don't have an eating disorder. - Well, disordered eating.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Behaviour, complex feelings towards food
0:06:03 > 0:06:07and shame which, hopefully, we can work on through these...
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- I don't have an eating disorder. - ..sessions. You do not...
0:06:10 > 0:06:13You do not have an eating disorder.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Andy?
0:06:19 > 0:06:20What are you doing?
0:06:24 > 0:06:25I understand if you want to fire me.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Why would I fire you? That, that is like totally hilaire.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31You should do more of these. Customers'll love it.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33"Rich Butt."
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Just as well it isn't scratch and sniff!
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- It's good.- Hi, there. Hi.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43Er, me and my wife, we're looking for some carpet for our home recording studio.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47We're thinking a sort of CBGBs meets like All Saints vibe so...
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Hang on, don't I know you?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53No. No, I've never seen you before.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54What colour are you looking for?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- Can I interest you in a rich buttermilk?- Oh, I've got it!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00You're that guy who was busking outside my coffee bar.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Not me. Sorry. Haven't got a musical bone in my body.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Trust me, mate, neither did this guy. He just stood there shouting
0:07:06 > 0:07:07"One survivor!"
0:07:07 > 0:07:10It was, "No Survivors!"
0:07:10 > 0:07:11So, it was you!
0:07:11 > 0:07:15- See you've got yourself a real job. - Well, I'm still doing music.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Oh!
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Well, you can't win 'em all!
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Well, what are you doing lately that's so great?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Nothing. Apart from opening two more branches of the coffee bar.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28My band just recorded our first album, Sony's putting that out later this month.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30About to start shooting the music video for our new single.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31And you'll like this...
0:07:31 > 0:07:34The Guardian chose our EP as their Pick of the Week.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I believe the quote was, "White hot.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40"If The Clash and Kasabian made a baby..."
0:07:40 > 0:07:42But that's it, what about you?
0:07:44 > 0:07:46# Prick you, prick you're a prick, prick, prick!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49# Got a prick for a face and a face for a prick!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51# Sick, sick well you make me
0:07:51 > 0:07:55# Sick, I wish you'd go away cos I find you intimidating... #
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Shit!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59DOOR BUZZER
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I couldn't do it.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05He's just too vulnerable, like one of those babies you find in bins.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06I've got writer's block.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Were you listening to what I was just saying?
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Yeah, he's a bin baby. Now help me write a song.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- Not until you help me speak to Dad. - Let's write a song about it.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16That's a great idea!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18# Restraining order!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20# Restraining order!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22- # Don't take away my happiness you- BLEEP.- #
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- Whoa! Whoa!- What? Too much?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I mean I could say, "Witch". It's not as good but it rhymes.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- Maybe I should just write a letter. - Letters are for pussies.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- They say, "A great letter has the strength of 1,000 punches." - A pussy said that.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Aren't you worried about being out in public, someone could see us?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Not in this neighbourhood. I mean the chances of seeing someone...
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Shit, it's Bruce. Get down.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- Hey!- Andy?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Bruce, what are you doing in these parts?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Just moved around the corner. Going around collecting the local menus.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Why do you want to move round here? What's the matter, your wife kicked you out?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Actually, yeah.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Me and Claire's getting a divorce.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Everyone's getting divorced these days. They're everywhere.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03They're like Cadbury's Creme Eggs in March.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05- How's it going with you? - Yeah. Cranking out the hits.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Sorry about the whole Errol thing. - Not fussed really.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Kid was cramping my style.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10BANG Ugh!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Haemorrhoids.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14You have company?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Blind date. Lola. She's been in the toilet for ages.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20But she says the first day is her heaviest flow.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Better leave you to it. Oh, and say, "Hi" to Sam for me.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Yep.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Tiffany said her mum cheated on him with a male hairdresser.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Ouch! That's like a vegan stealing your hot dog.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Oh, I ordered poached eggs, not scrambled. Scrambled eggs don't have definitive borders.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Then say something.- No, it's fine.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Look, if you don't speak up for yourself now, you'll never speak up for yourself.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51- You're just going to be invisible. - I could sneak into the Science Museum without anyone noticing.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- That's what you'd do with invisibility?- Yeah. What, what would you do?
0:09:54 > 0:09:58It doesn't matter. Look, if you don't tell that waiter that he got your order wrong,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00then how do you expect to stand up to your dad?
0:10:00 > 0:10:01Excuse me.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Hi, er, Jeremy.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Erm, I ordered poached eggs, these appear to be scrambled.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10- I'll get 'em changed.- No, Jeremy, you're missing the point.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14If you'd been listening when I ordered, we wouldn't find ourselves in this mess.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16The craft of good service is an art in many cultures.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18You could be an artist, Jeremy.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22- So how about you take a little pride in your job, hm?- Sorry, sir.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Don't be sorry. Be better.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- How was that?- Maybe you should just write a letter.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30How's this going to help?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33You need to detox your mind and body to get your confidence back.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38I'm confident! I went on a Boris bike the other day. Do you know how hard it is to look cool on those?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41- Your imagination's in a rut and we're going to free it. - That's what alcohol's for!
0:10:41 > 0:10:44High in trans-fat. High in sodium.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46High in sugar. How often do you get exercise per week?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Please, this body takes care of itself.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Zero exercise...
0:10:51 > 0:10:53No, no, not the cigarettes.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- Name one good thing about smoking? - It makes me look cool?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- Argh...- High in sugar.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02High in...
0:11:02 > 0:11:04- I was just high.- Do you get regular bowel movements?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- What's that got to do with anything?! - Irregular BMs.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11When was the last time you were intimate with a lady?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Now, a gentleman never tells.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Eight months and 23 days, all right?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19That completes the questionnaire.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I'll prepare a food and exercise regimen for you.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24And in the meantime, no drinking or smoking,
0:11:24 > 0:11:27fast food or any sexual activity of any kind.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- It keeps the mind focused.- I'm focused. Now let's play video games?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- What are you doing? - Eliminating distractions.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- Don't take my PlayStation, I need it! - For what?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Company.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41No!
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Look, Dad, you're a great guy but it's about time that you cut the crap and drop the restraining order.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47I'm sorry I said "crap" it's just...
0:11:47 > 0:11:49I'm, well, I'm a bit worked up.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Good dry run.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18MOBILE BLEEPS
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- What?! - She didn't speak to me for an hour!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23It must be my face, or is it my voice, is it too high?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Oh, I sounded better when I was smoking. What do you think?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28I can't write a song. I'm empty inside.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31I could have told you that.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- Big help, Miss professional therapist.- You know what you need?
0:12:33 > 0:12:37Step nine of the 12 step programme, making amends with all the people you've wronged.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- And why would I do that? - Because your subconscious is overwhelmed with the burden of guilt
0:12:41 > 0:12:45- and it's blocking your creative flow.- You're right.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Your voice is annoying.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48But you love me.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Clash and Kasabian!
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Excuse me. I was wondering if you could help?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Can't you see I'm busy!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Andy. My office. Now.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07I just want to say I totally respect you for what you're about to do.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I'm ready. Give it to me.
0:13:10 > 0:13:15Andy that was a totally shocking display of initiative.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Those craggy arseholes have been window shopping for three weeks.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21You just showed them that we only deal with serious customers.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Andy, I'd like to offer you a promotion.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27How would you like to be Carpet Brothers' new Junior Manager?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- Er...- I know what you're thinking.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33"That's very nice, Roopesh, but how does that translate money-wise?"
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Well, how does 2.50 extra an hour sound?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38All right, £3, cheeky.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42But, you know, I can't go any higher. Do we have a deal, Andy?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44- Er, yes?- Great.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48There's a delivery for you to celebrate, Mr Junior Manager!
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- Hello...? - I'm upstairs. Go straight through.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55BACKGROUND MUSIC
0:14:09 > 0:14:10'No alcohol.'
0:14:12 > 0:14:13'No smoking.'
0:14:17 > 0:14:19By all means, help yourself.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Oh, erm... Hi, I've got a delivery for Mrs Connaught.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Where do you want this?
0:14:26 > 0:14:27I saw you pilfer my cigarettes.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31I wasn't pilfering, you know, I was helping.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33You know, each one of them is 15 minutes off your life.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35I've just saved you an hour.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38That's two episodes of Girls or one episode of Question Time. Take your pick.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I should call your boss right now and have you sacked.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I'm not a snitch, though.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46That is hideous.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Yeah. I mean, if you could just sign...
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- What makes you think I'm signing that?- You don't want the rug?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53How old do you think I am? Be honest.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56- 52?- Less honest.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- 43?- 45.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03Do you find older women attractive...
0:15:03 > 0:15:04- Andy?- Erm...
0:15:04 > 0:15:06'No sexual activity!'
0:15:07 > 0:15:12- Sometimes.- I feel the same about slovenly blue-collar delivery men.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Do you get a lot of deliveries?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Let's just say I was voted Ocado's Customer of the Year.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Now. I'm going upstairs to run a bath.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Are you coming?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26No sex!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28# Older lady
0:15:28 > 0:15:30# Older lady
0:15:30 > 0:15:32# Older lady
0:15:32 > 0:15:34# She like gravy.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36# Older-older-older-older-older lady.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38# Older-older-older lady! #
0:15:38 > 0:15:39Shit!
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- Is this really necessary?- Well, apparently I can't write another song
0:15:47 > 0:15:49until I, "make amends" with the people I've hurt.
0:15:49 > 0:15:54- You're doing step nine. It only works if you've done steps one through eight?- It's worth a try.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Now prepare yourself. There's going to be some pretty angry adults in there
0:15:57 > 0:16:00and there may be some bad language.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- What do you fucking mean, it's nice to see me?- It's been so long, I almost missed you.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- Almost. You brought an entertaining chaos to my life.- Good one.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Now skip to the part where you grab me by the balls and threaten to tear my nuts off.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14And use them as suppositories!
0:16:14 > 0:16:15I mean, for example.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Sorry. I just can't be arsed. Could you pass me the glitter please?
0:16:18 > 0:16:22- Oh, Gwen? Give me something. Call me a useless prick... - Or an odious troglodyte?
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Dad's right, Andy. I've barely heard from you in about, a year, apart from your status updates.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- Is Carpet Brothers really that much of a shithole?- Yes!
0:16:29 > 0:16:33You've got to be furious with me about something. I was the worst boyfriend in the world.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38Don't flatter yourself. Look, it's been a while and I've cooled off. Plus, we had some fun times.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Oh, please don't tell me on the one day that I need it nobody wants to take a swing at me.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Oh, mate, I'll gladly do the job.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Oh! You're still around?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- What's he doing here? - We're having a nice chat.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Don't worry your pretty, little head about it.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Yeah, we wouldn't want to tax that brain cell.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57You sure you want to start this?
0:16:57 > 0:17:01I see they've got you working the store room. What's the matter? Animal testing not hiring?
0:17:01 > 0:17:06- Andy, just popped by to apologise for all of his stupid behaviour. - Well, I never said stupid.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08- Oh, it's a given. - So where's my apology?
0:17:08 > 0:17:12I know you were the one who wrote "Casper has a Lego piece dick" on my band's YouTube page.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Hey, you'd better not be cyberbullying my boyfriend. - I never wrote that!
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Really? Someone else has the username Andyisthedogsbollocks82?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Well, I told him he shouldn't have skipped steps one to eight.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Is there anything you'd like to share today, Belles? Anything?
0:17:34 > 0:17:35This is your time.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Just that my mum's a bitch for making me come here.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40And why, why do you think she wants you to come here?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Do you think she might be worried about you? - You really want to get into this?
0:17:43 > 0:17:46All right...
0:17:46 > 0:17:51I don't eat because food is the one thing my mother can't control.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55She's not interested in my problems,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58so she wants to farm them off on you and have me come home all fixed.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03She doesn't want me better, she just wants me obedient.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Fucking parents, right?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Only listen when you tell them what they want to hear.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09This is great, Belle.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12And I want to help you find a healthy way to process this
0:18:12 > 0:18:15that doesn't involve you harming your body.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18You're not even a real therapist, are you?
0:18:18 > 0:18:22You're one of those trainees, trying to get their hours in. How's this hour going for you?
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- It's not your fault.- Excuse me?
0:18:26 > 0:18:27It's not your fault.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29It's not your fault.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Are you Good Will Hunting me?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37That's us.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39That was good.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- He's probably busy.- He's at home doing his taxes.- Exactly.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45- Never get between a man and his taxes.- I did all the calculations, he's doing the paperwork.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48A monkey could do it. Come on, please. You promised.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53MOBILE BUZZES
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Hello?
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- Er, Yes. Who is this? - Andy? Is that you?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- It's Ben.- Ben? Which Ben am I talking to?
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Your ex-brother-in-law, Ben.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Yeah, that Ben. Hi!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- Erm... How can I help you? - You called me?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Oh, yeah. That's right. I did.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Yeah, I just wanted to ask you, how are you getting along with your taxes?
0:19:16 > 0:19:19How do you know I'm doing my taxes?
0:19:19 > 0:19:24Because I took acid at Glastonbury in 2004 and ever since then
0:19:24 > 0:19:27I've been a little bit psychic. Bye!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Well, you can't say we didn't try.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31- I feel a song coming along. - No, call him back.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Give me back my axe. I am not messing around.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38- You'll have writer's block until you tell him to drop the restraining order.- I do not. Check this out.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41# Writer's block, writer's block
0:19:41 > 0:19:43# I'm going to come and do your lock
0:19:43 > 0:19:46# Writer's block, writer's block
0:19:46 > 0:19:48# You can suck my big fat... #
0:19:48 > 0:19:51DOORBELL BUZZES
0:19:51 > 0:19:53I'm shit!
0:19:54 > 0:19:56I Good Will Hunting-ed her.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I've had all this training and the best I could do was a cheesy line
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. - I heard they didn't write that. - I need a cigarette.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07- I thought you quit.- I'm unquitting. Where are they?- I don't have any. - Liar. I know where you hide them.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- Andy, move.- You'll never guess who I bumped into the other day?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- Bruce. He says, "Hello." - That's great. Get out of the way.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- I can't! Lola's in the shower. - I can't hear any water.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Lola? Hi! It's Sam, Andy's sister. Can I come in please?
0:20:20 > 0:20:23No! Sorry. I'm naked. I've boobs and everything.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Polish. Bit of a prude.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Just use the shower curtain then. I'm coming in.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Argh!
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Ha! I knew it.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Mum! No!
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Errol, get your things and get in the car.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Now!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Sam...
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Ugh! Sam!
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Jesus, Errol.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03You can't go undermining every decision that your dad makes that you don't agree with.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Andy could get in a lot of trouble over this.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10And your dad, he's just trying to protect you, in his own way.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13He just wants you to be safe
0:21:13 > 0:21:15and quiet and obedient...
0:21:17 > 0:21:19..and...
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Oh, shit!
0:21:21 > 0:21:25Well, if it isn't our new Junior Manager. Where's your uniform?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Oh wait, you're starting casual Fridays? That's a brilliant idea.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Roopesh, I appreciate everything you've tried to do for me.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33It's just that something's not quite working out here.
0:21:33 > 0:21:38Is this about the employee vending machine? I promise, I'll get that fixed. It's just been mayhem.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41No. It's not that. It's just that I qui...
0:21:45 > 0:21:47- Can you give me a minute?- Yeah.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53It wasn't my idea. He just started coming over and I couldn't get rid of him.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Andy. Shut up. Right. Here's how we're going to do this.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I'm going to pretend like I know nothing about your arrangement
0:21:58 > 0:22:02and we are never going to speak of this again but you have to promise me something.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- Ben must never find out about this. Understood?- Yeah.- Yes.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Good.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- Is that really called Nut Cream? - Yeah.
0:22:10 > 0:22:11Wow!
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- Ben's here.- What?- Hide!- Oh, Jesus.
0:22:15 > 0:22:20Ben! Long time no see. Can I interest you in a fine Persian?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23A rug, not a person.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- You must think I'm a total fucking idiot.- Er, it's a joke.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Hello, you can't sell people, that is illegal.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Also known as trafficking.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33The only way you could have known I was doing my taxes
0:22:33 > 0:22:34was if Errol told you.
0:22:34 > 0:22:39Or, if Errol told Sam and Sam told me. She is my sister. We do talk.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- What are you waving at?- Nothing. I've got that restless arm syndrome.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Don't let me near an auction!
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Oh, Dad. Fancy seeing you here.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Congratulations, Andy. You're now officially breaking the law.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- I'm calling the police. - No, no, no, Dad, please wait!
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- Ben, listen, we can talk about this. - I'll deal with you two in a minute.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00No. It's fine. I'm walking away. 200 metres. Officially walking...
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- I said stop!- Errol!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04What? You're always asking me how I'm doing.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07If you're so curious, I've been... I've been seeing Uncle Andy
0:23:07 > 0:23:08every day after school for the last year.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Because he's the only person I feel
0:23:10 > 0:23:12I don't have to pretend to be happy around all the time!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I don't make you pretend. You can tell me your feelings.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17My feelings? OK. The restraining order is stupid.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18He's in this family
0:23:18 > 0:23:20and you can't stop me from seeing someone in my family.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- I'm 13 now. It should be MY choice, not yours!- But the drugs...
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Were an accident and he's been punished enough.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27And you weren't there, so how would you even know?
0:23:27 > 0:23:29The reason he's here is because you two
0:23:29 > 0:23:31didn't have the time for me in the first place.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Well, this is a first.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42This is normal. He's finally processing his anger towards you.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Towards me?! Is that what you guys think of me as?
0:23:45 > 0:23:46Bad cop?
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Dammit.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54Fine.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57I'll lift the restraining order.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00But if you ever endanger my son again...
0:24:00 > 0:24:02- Oh, yeah, you'll kill me.- No.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04I'll move out of the country. And I'll take Errol with me.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14So how about we take another crack at this song then?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17I don't think that's going to happen, mate.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19I believe my song-writing days are behind me.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22It's...
0:24:23 > 0:24:25It's not your fault.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27- What?- It's not your fault.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Are you Good Will Hunting me?
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Listen to me, Andy. It's not your fault.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- That's not going to work, Sam. - It's not your fault.- Sam, stop it.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Look at me. It's not your fault.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38It's not your fault.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43But it is, it is my fault.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48He was my responsibility and I fucked up.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55- And he almost... - Yeah, but he didn't, and he's fine.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58And you have to let go of this, and forgive yourself, and move on.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Or you're never going to write again.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02(I can't.)
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- Uncle Andy?- Yeah?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I forgive you.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15# Lately I've been feeling strange
0:25:15 > 0:25:19# Something deep inside me changed
0:25:19 > 0:25:22# My DNA was rearranged
0:25:22 > 0:25:26# I've been down and out
0:25:26 > 0:25:30# But holy fuck I'm back again
0:25:30 > 0:25:34# Just like the phoenix from the flames
0:25:34 > 0:25:38# Or Jesus Christ or Whatshisname
0:25:38 > 0:25:42# I was lost but now I'm found
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- # I'm back - He's back!
0:25:44 > 0:25:48- # Consider my lessons learned - He's back!
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- # The prodigal son's returned! - He's really back!
0:25:52 > 0:25:55# Re-building the bridges I burned!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57- # Burned! - Burned!
0:25:57 > 0:25:58- # Burned! - Burned!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00# I'm back to save my reputation
0:26:00 > 0:26:02# Save you all from your damnation
0:26:02 > 0:26:04# Start the fucking celebration
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- # I've seen the holy light! - He's back!
0:26:07 > 0:26:08# Everybody bow before me
0:26:08 > 0:26:10# Gather round and all adore me
0:26:10 > 0:26:12# Restore me to my former glory
0:26:12 > 0:26:14# The resurrection's nigh!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- # I'm back! - He's fuckin' back!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22# I'm feeling myself again
0:26:22 > 0:26:24# Thank fuck, he's back!
0:26:24 > 0:26:26# Relieving myself of pain
0:26:26 > 0:26:28# Holy shit, he's back!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30# And rising above the flames!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- # Flame! - Flames!
0:26:32 > 0:26:33- # Flame! - Flames!
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- # I'm back! - Sweet shit, he's back, he's back
0:26:36 > 0:26:38# Your prayers have been answered at last!
0:26:38 > 0:26:40# Hot piss, he's back, he's back
0:26:40 > 0:26:42# Returning like Lazarus
0:26:42 > 0:26:43# Big Dick is back, he's back
0:26:43 > 0:26:46# You'd better start kissing my ass
0:26:46 > 0:26:47- # Ass! - Ass!
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# Ass! Ass, ass, ass, ass!
0:26:50 > 0:26:54# I'm baaaack! #
0:26:59 > 0:27:00You're fired!
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- What are you doing here? - I've written a song.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- Give me back my PlayStation. - Not until you write a whole album.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Don't make me kill you in front of all these nice people.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18We've only just had the restraining order lifted.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21- What's this?- It's a food and exercise regimen I've prepared for you.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Well, I haven't got writer's block any more. So why would I need this?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27You'll be healthier and more attractive to the opposite sex.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30- Goji berries? - Yeah. They're a potent antioxidant.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33So's a chicken korma. Why do you care if I write an album?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I don't. It's just since I stood up to Dad,
0:27:35 > 0:27:37I've discovered something about myself.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Honesty is the best policy?
0:27:38 > 0:27:40I like telling people what to do.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55Oh, I'm back.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06So what do these Goji berries taste like then?