0:00:17 > 0:00:18Morning.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Here, what you reading then?
0:00:21 > 0:00:25Advanced Forensic Toxicology II.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27I hear it's not as good as the first one.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30HE CHUCKLES
0:00:30 > 0:00:34"You're going to say it's not as good as the first one".
0:00:35 > 0:00:37OK, that is quite impressive
0:00:37 > 0:00:39and just a wee bit creepy.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41What do you read this stuff for anyway?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Isn't it a bit boring?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45I'm reading this stuff because it's my job.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47No, it's not. We're detectives.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50We have a whole department to do forensics.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- Thanks, Tony.- I mean, for example,
0:00:52 > 0:00:56does Tony need to know how a toaster works to make toast?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Electricity's passed through a nichrome filament,
0:00:58 > 0:01:01and the metal gets hot because of friction on the electrons,
0:01:01 > 0:01:03thus turning bread into toast.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- I did not know that. - Right...right.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08I think you'd find it all really interesting.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Yeah, but nobody poisons anybody any more, do they?
0:01:11 > 0:01:16Graham Young poisoned at least 70 people between 1962 and 1971,
0:01:16 > 0:01:17using thallium and aconite.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Richard Kuklinski claims to have killed over 100 people
0:01:21 > 0:01:24using cyanide in the '80s.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- Ooh!- What's he doing here?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31As much as I enjoy awkward family tension,
0:01:31 > 0:01:33I'm getting out of here.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Mind if I just take..?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Hiya, George.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Here to see if you can jeopardise another one of my cases?
0:01:44 > 0:01:46It was a mistake.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49I can pop over to the station if you want, get one of my case files.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52See if there's a victim in there you want to tap up for an alarm system.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55I'm sorry, I really am. I...
0:01:57 > 0:02:01..I haven't been thinking straight recently, cos...
0:02:01 > 0:02:02the thing is...
0:02:06 > 0:02:07..your mum and I are getting divorced.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Hello!
0:02:21 > 0:02:26It's to show you how much I still love you.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29PHONE BLEEPS
0:02:34 > 0:02:36I have to go.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- TONY:- What do you mean, you don't know?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Well, we haven't got a case at the moment...
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Ooh! Nice teddy!
0:02:44 > 0:02:45What's this?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Suspicious death at Parkwood Manor school.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Hang on, school?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Oh, God! That means having to deal with kids!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Have you, er...have you tried these?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01What's that?
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Allergy pills.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04TONY CHUCKLES
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Hey, are you OK? You haven't said anything for the whole journey.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Just... I'm in shock, I think.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16I mean, what are they going to do?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Mum's not going to have anyone to watch telly with.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Dad's not going to have anyone to ignore him.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Well, let's not get bogged down in the details.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25The important thing is,
0:04:25 > 0:04:29your mum and dad are divorcing each other, not you. OK?
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Yeah.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36I suppose a lot of marriages do stay together for the sake of the kids.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Anyway, marriage is really overrated.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Come on, I mean, why get married
0:04:42 > 0:04:45when you can just find a woman you hate and buy her a house?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48HE GIGGLES
0:04:48 > 0:04:51OK, the jokes aren't helping. OK.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04There's only one thing I hate more than children.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05What?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07LOTS of children.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Thank you.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I don't remember the mothers at my primary school looking like that.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Look at them, they're dressed to kill.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30They're probably all on their way to work.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Really, as what?
0:05:32 > 0:05:33It's an aspirational school.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35It's probably full of aspirational mothers.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Yeah, and cougars and MILFs and ladies that lunch!
0:05:39 > 0:05:41That is RIDICULOUSLY sexist and patronising.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Well, let's find out.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Excuse me, ladies. Got a couple of questions for you.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Can I have a show of hands
0:05:49 > 0:05:52for those of you that are going to work today?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55OK. And can I have a show of hands for those of you
0:05:55 > 0:05:57that have got a table booked for lunch?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Thank you. That's all.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Stabbed in the neck with a knitting needle.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11The headmaster was sitting at his desk,
0:06:11 > 0:06:13talking to the person on the other side,
0:06:13 > 0:06:15when he turns to his right,
0:06:15 > 0:06:18perhaps to pick up that file over there.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Someone plunged a knitting needle into his neck.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Oh, my God!
0:06:23 > 0:06:27HE SCREAMS AND SPLUTTERS
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Wow.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Too much?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Strong start, but you lost me towards the end.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Oh...I sensed that.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49So, we're looking for a homicidal granny, right?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Have you ever heard of Knit And Natter?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54No. What the hell's that?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57People get together in groups and they chat and they knit.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01- That's a thing?- Celebrities do it, so apparently, it's cool.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I thought it was grannies who want to punish relatives for not visiting.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Julia Roberts does it. Madonna does it.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Like I said, we're looking for a homicidal granny.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12It's not your average knitting needle, though.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- Hmm?- That's a hand-crafted Art Viva,
0:07:15 > 0:07:19fashioned from sustainable Tasmanian Oak.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Right.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23So we're looking for a female killer.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Yeah? How do you know that?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Come on, they used a designer knitting needle.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Hmm, a sexist theory.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33That's plausible.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Wow, look at these entry requirements!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Catchment areas, sibling policy.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42God, it's easier to get into Parliament than this place.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Well, Parkwood Manor's the best primary school in the area.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Where the Police Commissioner is sending his kids?
0:07:48 > 0:07:49Where he WISHES he could.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51How do you know this stuff?
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Well, I read the paper.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54And, if I do decide to have children one day,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57it'd be irresponsible not to know a bit about it.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- You want kids? - Well, eventually. One day.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- Why? Don't you? - No, I can't do it.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I'm sorry. I didn't know.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Oh, no, I'm not infertile! I'm firing live rounds!
0:08:10 > 0:08:13No, I just...I just can't do it.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I mean, the little bastards never leave you alone, do they?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18All right, children,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21I'm sure you're all just a little bit frightened
0:08:21 > 0:08:23and wondering what all of these police officers
0:08:23 > 0:08:24are doing at your school.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28But there's nothing to worry about. Is there, DI Jack?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30That's right, DI Georgie.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Yeah, we're just here to investigate
0:08:32 > 0:08:34the brutal murder of their headmaster.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- How brutal? - Well, pretty gruesome, actually.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Yeah, he got a knitting needle straight in the neck.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Straight through flesh, muscle and sinew,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45straight into the carotid artery.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46That's enough, I think, DI Jack.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49But it wasn't the needle that got him, it was the blood.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Yeah, he choked on his own blood.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Stop it, you're scaring them!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Oh, right, sorry. But there's no need to worry.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00The killer will be going to prison for a very long time.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Well, why don't you just shoot 'em?
0:09:02 > 0:09:04CLASS GIGGLES
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Yeah, I like where you come from kid, but...
0:09:06 > 0:09:09HE LAUGHS SMUGLY ..nowadays there's, you know,
0:09:09 > 0:09:12there's due process and courts and stuff.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Is it because you don't have a gun? - Listen, I can get a gun
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- any time I want.- Bet you can't.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Listen buddy, I could come back here
0:09:20 > 0:09:24with enough firepower to take over a small African country, OK?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Rubbish! - For God's sake, stop!
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Sorry.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Children, when I was a little girl,
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- my daddy was a policeman. - SHE CHOKES BACK TEARS
0:09:40 > 0:09:44And, well...he carried a truncheon, not a gun.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47But, my daddy always used to say, "Don't worry,
0:09:47 > 0:09:50"the police always get their man, or woman, in the end."
0:09:50 > 0:09:53OK, this is boring. Who wants to talk about guns?!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55- CLASS:- Yeah!!
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Who wants to talk about all the big, bad guns that I can get hold of?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- CLASS:- Yeah!!- Come on!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Listen. What's this?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- Miss, Miss! He's not allowed to do that.- I know.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Miss, are you going to give him a detention?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- What's your name? - Chloe.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Chloe...
0:10:17 > 0:10:19..that's not a bad idea.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22You load it, and then, boooffff!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I think everyone's heard enough, haven't they, DI Jack?!
0:10:25 > 0:10:27All right, everyone back to your seats.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Miss, Miss!
0:10:30 > 0:10:33They closed by accident.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Arresting kids now? HE CHUCKLES
0:10:35 > 0:10:39So who was the last person to have an appointment with the headmaster?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41I think that would have been one of the nursery mothers.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Brian...Mr Chaps was planning to spend the week
0:10:44 > 0:10:47telling them which of their children
0:10:47 > 0:10:49had made it through to the infant classes
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Wait, so there are some children who don't?
0:10:52 > 0:10:53Oh, I'm afraid so.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56And their mothers are always absolutely devastated.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58But there are other schools in the area, right?
0:10:58 > 0:11:02This is a very prestigious school, detective.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Our reception curriculum offers a broad training
0:11:04 > 0:11:05in all fields of education.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07We are the only primary school
0:11:07 > 0:11:09to offer classes in Taekwondo, for example.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13Great(!) Nothing like teaching five year olds to hit stuff.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15That's a possible motive though.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17The headmaster rejects a child, mummy gets angry.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Which children were rejected today?
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I don't know. Mr Chaps wouldn't tell anyone else
0:11:22 > 0:11:24until he'd informed the poor mother first.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28And who were the mums who saw the headmaster this morning?
0:11:31 > 0:11:35Hi, I'm Davina Hall. I understand you want to talk to me?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Please. Take a seat.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Mrs Hall, can you tell us what happened
0:11:47 > 0:11:50when you saw the headmaster this morning?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I went in, we shared an oolong,
0:11:53 > 0:11:58Brian did say that little Tungsten had come top of the assessment.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59By quite some way, apparently.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01And that's all?
0:12:01 > 0:12:05He told me my son had been given a place at the school and then I left.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10- SHE SNIFFLES - I can't believe it!
0:12:11 > 0:12:12I can't believe he's dead!
0:12:12 > 0:12:15I'm sorry. You must have been very fond...
0:12:15 > 0:12:17I don't give a toss about the headmaster!
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Oh...right.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20We only got a verbal acceptance.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21And now we have to go through
0:12:21 > 0:12:23this whole bloody selection process again!
0:12:25 > 0:12:27We talked over an oolong and Mr Chaps told me
0:12:27 > 0:12:31my daughter had got a place in the school.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34And do you know which children were rejected?
0:12:34 > 0:12:35No, I don't. But...
0:12:35 > 0:12:38I did see Davina Hall burst into tears
0:12:38 > 0:12:40and run into the lavatory.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43She locked herself in one of the cubicles.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45The whole thing was most unsightly.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Tears! Slamming doors!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- In front of all the other mothers! - And how long...
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I mean, when my first husband died, I simply said
0:12:53 > 0:12:55"That's that, Charles",
0:12:55 > 0:12:57and then I kissed what was left of his hand...
0:12:57 > 0:12:59he'd been in a fire, you see.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03And then I bloody well got on with things, you know?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Mrs Presley-Nairn, how long was Mrs Hall in the cubicle?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I think she stayed about an hour.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11And I think she may have been knitting.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Knitting?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15I heard a sort of furious clackety-click
0:13:15 > 0:13:18coming from behind the door.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I went in to comfort her. I persuaded her to come out.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22But when she finally did,
0:13:22 > 0:13:24all she talked about was going back to see Brian.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28- I tried to stop her. - How did you try to stop her?
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I don't know. I grabbed her handbag, I think.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33But she threw me against the sink
0:13:33 > 0:13:34and she stormed back in there anyway.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38And this was the last time anyone saw the headmaster alive?
0:13:38 > 0:13:39I think so.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Well, thank you, very much.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Yes. Thank you.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55SHE GIGGLES
0:13:55 > 0:13:57What?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- MIMICS BREATHY VOICE - "Yes. Thank you."
0:14:00 > 0:14:02I do NOT talk like that!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Mrs Hall, why did you lie to us?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07He told me Tungsten wasn't getting a place, I was upset.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11But I swear on Tungsten's life, I didn't kill him!
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Yeah?
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Because we're hearing you had both motive and opportunity.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19You were the last person to see the headmaster alive.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Mrs Hall, can you pass me your bag, please?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Where's the other needle?
0:14:32 > 0:14:33I don't know.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Um, I must have lost it.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Or left it in the bathroom or something?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Sure you did(!)
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Or maybe you plunged it into the neck of Brian Chaps!
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- Because he didn't give your son a place in this school.- No!
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Davina Hall...
0:14:50 > 0:14:54..you're under arrest for the murder of Brian Chaps.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Hey, hey!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03I heard you guys had a hell of a morning!
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Yeah, from crime scene to arrest in under four hours!
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Just call me Jack Flash!
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Yeah, plenty of women already do, mate.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Yeah, actually, he's being sarcastic,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16I am known as a very considerate and satisfying lover.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19By way of reward,
0:15:19 > 0:15:20these two...
0:15:22 > 0:15:23..are on the house.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25It's always on the house.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Today, they're ESPECIALLY on the house.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28It can't be ESPECIALLY on the house,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30like you can't have somebody EXTREMELY dead.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32All right, I'm starting a new cocktail menu
0:15:32 > 0:15:34just to drum up some trade.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36These are called Tony's Surprise.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39HE COUGHS Is it called Tony's Surprise
0:15:39 > 0:15:40because it's totally undrinkable?
0:15:40 > 0:15:43You, you taste it, Georgina. I trust your judgement.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45It's a bit early for me.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Come on, you guys should be celebrating!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49The word from the Chancellor's Office
0:15:49 > 0:15:51is that your case might make the Bailey.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Really?- Yeah! Go on, have a drink! You deserve it.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Yeah, come on, after your morning.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00She's just found out her parents are getting divorced.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- Oh, I'm sorry. That must be painful. - Not as painful as Tony's Surprise.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Look, that's work in progress.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- Seriously, this should be weaponised. - Shut it!
0:16:07 > 0:16:11We're taking a case to the Old Bailey!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- Oh, that's yummy! - Yeah!- We need to prepare.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Write our testimony, write a report for the CPS...
0:16:17 > 0:16:18What? Are you serious?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I've never done that when I went to the Old Bailey.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24This is the Central Criminal Court. The Hanging Court.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26This is not something I intend on being casual about.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29You know what, we should go shopping.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31What for?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- BOTH: New clothes. - What's wrong with my clothes?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36You get a guilty verdict at the Old Bailey,
0:16:36 > 0:16:39you're on the front of every newspaper in the country.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41That's right.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Looking good is one thing, but at the Bailey,
0:16:46 > 0:16:48it's the barristers you've got to watch out for.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Once you're in the box, they'll tear you to pieces.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Not if I talk about the case clearly and succinctly.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Please, they don't want to talk about the case!
0:16:55 > 0:16:57They're not going to want to talk about my private life.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Sure they are!
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Hey, what's the difference between a hedgehog
0:17:00 > 0:17:03- and two barristers in a taxi? - I don't know.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06The hedgehog has the pricks on the outside.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Believe, me you need to be prepared.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- DI Dixon, are you married?- No.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Living with someone?- No.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Off condom?
0:17:14 > 0:17:15WHAT is "off condom"?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17The milestone in any relationship
0:17:17 > 0:17:20when you both agree to have a complete sexual health screening.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22- Milestone?- Yeah, it's a big step.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25The modern equivalent of getting engaged.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28For God's sake!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30And if you want to get out of the relationship,
0:17:30 > 0:17:32you can always say you've got something.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35I usually go for warts. That seems to work.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37So, you're not married, you've no boyfriend.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40You're a lone, frigid woman, probably lesbian...
0:17:40 > 0:17:42No, no, no, I object to this line of questioning!
0:17:42 > 0:17:44You can't object, you're a witness!
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Then the CPS barrister objects.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47- No, he doesn't. - It's a she, and she does.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Well, the judge overrules
0:17:49 > 0:17:51and directs you to answer the question!
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Are you a sad, lonely, desperate, frigid woman who hates mothers?
0:17:55 > 0:17:57I don't even know if I want children.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59I might decide to put my career first.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Well, you can lie to yourself, DI Dixon.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03But please do not lie to this court.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- When was the last time you had sex? - What?!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Answer the question, when was the last time you had sex?
0:18:07 > 0:18:09- Wh...- Sustained!
0:18:09 > 0:18:10But I didn't say anything!
0:18:18 > 0:18:21What? You don't like it.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24No. No. You...er...you look OK.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Do you really think I'm frigid?
0:18:27 > 0:18:28What?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31No, no, no, not frigid.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33A little chilly, perhaps.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- But in a hot way. - A hot chilli?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Exactly.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- Looks good.- Yeah?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Assuming there are going to be female jurors,
0:18:42 > 0:18:45do you think I should make it obvious that I dress to the right?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48I thought you dressed to the left.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50You noticed?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Oh, my God, Jack! That's it!
0:18:55 > 0:18:59I assume we're not still talking about which way I hang.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00We have to go.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Go, where?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05I don't know much about knitting,
0:19:05 > 0:19:08but I do know that you cast off from the left or the right.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11And looking at this...
0:19:13 > 0:19:16..I'm pretty sure Mrs Hall casts off from the left.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Right, so what does that mean?
0:19:20 > 0:19:21She's left-handed.
0:19:22 > 0:19:27And Naz told us he was stabbed from the right.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Oh, shit! We've arrested the wrong person!
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I hate to point the finger, but this is your fault.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- My fault? How is it my fault? - Well, you're the forensics nerd.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38You always bang on about facts and evidence.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40You should've known we arrested the wrong person.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- You remember being there too, right? - Hey, don't try and blame me!
0:19:43 > 0:19:46I'm impetuous. That's what makes me a good detective.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- Who also arrested the wrong person! - Because you let me.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- Can we forget about pointing the finger...- At you!
0:19:53 > 0:19:56..and just concentrate on fixing this mess before the IPCC...
0:19:56 > 0:20:01- Hi, DI Georgie. - I'll leave you to it.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06- Are you going to arrest me again? - I didn't arrest you.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08That was just DI Jack being very, very silly.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Don't worry. I deserved it.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Because my parents are getting a divorce
0:20:12 > 0:20:14and it's my fault for being so difficult.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20I'm sorry to hear that. Of course it's not your fault.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Maybe they're not going to get divorced, anyway.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25I'm sure they still love each other, really.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28That's denial. My therapist says there's three stages.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Denial's the first.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33But parents can't just go getting divorced
0:20:33 > 0:20:36and expect their kids to be fine with it! That's hardly fair!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- The second's anger. - Of course I'm angry!
0:20:39 > 0:20:41That...your parents are splitting up.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44The third's called acceptance.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Like I've accepted it's all my fault.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Although, my mum also said she wanted to,
0:20:49 > 0:20:51"Explore the boundaries of her womanhood."
0:20:51 > 0:20:53So that could've had something to do with it.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Right.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59I have to go, sorry.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Obviously we can't say this officially,
0:21:14 > 0:21:15but we are, really, really, really sorry.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Really sorry.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19About arresting you.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Personally, I haven't been having the best day.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27I think maybe I haven't been thinking as clearly as I could have.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31I don't know who framed me, but what I do know is,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33I will be suing you and your department,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36unless you make amends for the trauma I've suffered!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- Hold on.- Look, excuse me,
0:21:38 > 0:21:43what if we could find your son a place at Parkwood Manor?
0:21:45 > 0:21:47But the headmaster turned him down.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Yes, but, erm, if, you know,
0:21:50 > 0:21:54if we manage to keep the details of this investigation
0:21:54 > 0:21:56out of the press,
0:21:56 > 0:22:00maybe the school would show their generosity?
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Then you have yourself a deal.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11PHONE BLEEPS
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Could this day get any worse?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Oh, things are looking up!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Naz says he's got something for us.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24Right, what do you notice?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26You're holding hands with a dead man.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Look at his fingers.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31He's had a manicure.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Mmm-hmm. And a pedicure.
0:22:35 > 0:22:36And...
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Oh, Jesus!
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Teeth capped and bleached.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46He's also had a tummy tuck,
0:22:46 > 0:22:49a neck lift, hair implants.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53This is about the most bling corpse I've ever had in my fridge!
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- So he was vain.- AND minted.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58None of these procedures are cheap, you know.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- This is high-end.- Good point.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03How did a headmaster afford all this?
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Dinner at Sketch. Lunch at the Manoir.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Cocktails at The Grill?!
0:23:09 > 0:23:10Jesus!
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Between the lifestyle and the cosmetic procedures,
0:23:14 > 0:23:16looks like Mr Chaps liked to live beyond his means.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19What exactly do you want to know?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Well, let's start with how a school secretary
0:23:21 > 0:23:23can afford shoes which retail at £700?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Yeah, what's going on?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31OK, I admit,
0:23:31 > 0:23:36we may have made a teeny, tiny...inducement to Mr Chaps,
0:23:36 > 0:23:39to encourage him, so our child could get into school.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- OK, so you bribed the headmaster? - It wasn't a bribe!
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Just a...small token of appreciation.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47What sort of token?
0:23:47 > 0:23:51We bought him a season's corporate hospitality at Chelsea.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Everyone else was doing it! I didn't want to be left behind.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59So I guess you couldn't grease the wheels
0:23:59 > 0:24:01by giving him a few of these candles, huh?
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Jesus, that's expensive!
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Those are hand-crafted scents.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Smells like old feet.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12So, Mrs Kyoto, how did you bribe Brian Chaps?
0:24:12 > 0:24:15All I did was pay for his Ocado deliveries.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17And pay for his weekly reflexology.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19'I had no choice.'
0:24:19 > 0:24:24Especially as our Hugh isn't exactly blessed in the thinking department.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28He's an adorable child, but quite monumentally stupid.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31So we bought Chaps this swanky new laptop
0:24:31 > 0:24:35with all the dongles and gadgets we could find.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Well, maybe you resented paying all that money
0:24:37 > 0:24:39just for a place at a school.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Well, what good would that do me?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44I mean, why bribe a man and then kill him?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Surely if I resented it, it would be the other way round, wouldn't it?
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Besides, I'm a Buddhist.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Really?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52I don't believe violence ever solved anything.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54FLY BUZZES
0:24:54 > 0:24:56SHE SWATS FLY
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Do I look like I can afford to bribe anyone?
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Unlike the rest of them, I have to work for a living.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Are these rosary peas?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09No, Calabar beans.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20So is selling organic jewellery your only form of income?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Apart from my herbal perfumes and mascaras.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27SHE SNIFFS
0:25:27 > 0:25:29You're welcome to check, if you like.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30We will.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32It must be tough, being a single mum.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I get by.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- Clearly.- While the other mums are spending their time
0:25:37 > 0:25:40making themselves look like supermodels,
0:25:40 > 0:25:42I'm providing for my son.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Well, fortunately for you, you look fantastic.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51So, all the other parents have to pay Mr Chaps
0:25:51 > 0:25:54because it's the only way they can get their children into the school.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Are we supposed to believe
0:25:55 > 0:25:58that you're the sole person that doesn't have to?
0:25:58 > 0:26:00My son's genuinely gifted.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03I didn't have to bribe anyone.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Come on! All mothers say their kids are child prodigies, don't they?
0:26:07 > 0:26:10SHE SNORTS
0:26:12 > 0:26:14So, if you have three kids,
0:26:14 > 0:26:16that's the total cost before tax
0:26:16 > 0:26:19of sending them to private school by the time they're 18.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Wow.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Do you prefer pop, jazz or classical music?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26I'm easy.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29My little John can play all three at once.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35HE CRACKS HIS KNUCKLES
0:26:37 > 0:26:40HE PLAYS A TUNE
0:26:47 > 0:26:50HE RUNS ALONG KEYS
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Well...I think we've seen enough.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- Thank you.- I'm staying.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Thinking of phoning your dad?
0:27:22 > 0:27:23If I knew what to say.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Hey, well at least we've got a motive now.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Bribery and corruption.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32All for a bunch of infants!
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Maybe one of the mums decided
0:27:34 > 0:27:36she couldn't make the pay off any more
0:27:36 > 0:27:40and decided that murder was the budget option.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42So now we need opportunity.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Well, to put Davina in the frame, whoever it was must have known
0:27:46 > 0:27:48that her son had been rejected from the school.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51And had the chance to take a needle from Davina's bag.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Which narrows it down to three.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Phoebe, Camilla and Saatchi.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58But there were four mums at the school that day.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01- Well, Sarah isn't a suspect, is she? - Isn't she?
0:28:01 > 0:28:04Hey, you met her son, he got in on merit.
0:28:04 > 0:28:05So there's no motive.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Is it your detective brain you're thinking with now,
0:28:08 > 0:28:09or another part of your body?
0:28:09 > 0:28:12All right, OK, she's attractive.
0:28:12 > 0:28:13I'll give her that.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17But, listen, she had nothing to do with this murder.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21Otherwise, I wouldn't be going out to dinner with her this evening.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25You what!? She's a suspect in an ongoing murder investigation!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's just dinner!
0:28:27 > 0:28:29And she's asked me.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32That is so UNBELIEVABLY unprofessional!
0:28:32 > 0:28:33OK, let's take a look at this.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36Tonight, I'm going to be having dinner with a beautiful woman,
0:28:36 > 0:28:38while you're going to be sitting at home
0:28:38 > 0:28:40reading your big book of poisons.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42I think I'd rather be unprofessional.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48Sorry to interrupt you guys,
0:28:48 > 0:28:51but this is just to finish off your meal.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54- Wow!- I call this the Chuckle Brothers,
0:28:54 > 0:28:56cos you can't have one without the other.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Right, OK. Well, ladies first.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00Thank you.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03- Oops! - SHE GIGGLES
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Not bad at all.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16I'm glad you like it. That's a tenner each.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18- What?- Cash.
0:29:19 > 0:29:23He's a very, very sensitive man.
0:29:23 > 0:29:25- Here...- Ooh!- ..have a try.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31Mmm! Wow, what's that smell?
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Oh, it's one of my homeopathic perfumes.
0:29:34 > 0:29:35Oh, really?
0:29:35 > 0:29:38- HE SPLUTTERS - Well, I'm glad you like it.
0:29:38 > 0:29:39Yeah, it's really nice.
0:29:39 > 0:29:43I call it Concupiscent.
0:29:43 > 0:29:44Con...concupiscent?
0:29:44 > 0:29:48- It's Latin. - Ah, Latin, yeah, spicy people.
0:29:48 > 0:29:50The birthplace of the samba.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53Muy, muy caliente!
0:29:53 > 0:29:57- SHE GIGGLES - Not Latino, Latin.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00- As in, Ancient Rome. - Oh, right, yeah.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02It's Latin for 'desirable'.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05- Mmmm!- My boy came up with the idea.
0:30:05 > 0:30:07Oh, right.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11You know,
0:30:11 > 0:30:14I've had men interested in me before.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16- Yeah.- But as soon as they find out I'm a single mum,
0:30:16 > 0:30:20it's like they just can't get away fast enough.
0:30:20 > 0:30:21Really? Not me.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24I love children.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26I love everything about them.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28The way they run around constantly,
0:30:28 > 0:30:30like they're on drugs or something.
0:30:30 > 0:30:35They way they cry all the time for absolutely no reason.
0:30:35 > 0:30:37The way they eat at restaurants,
0:30:37 > 0:30:42really noisily, with absolutely no regard for other patrons.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45Yeah. You've got to love them, haven't you?
0:30:45 > 0:30:50- You haven't yet been blessed? - No. No, I haven't.
0:30:50 > 0:30:55But, you know, the idea of having a little version of myself
0:30:55 > 0:30:57who relies on me for every need
0:30:57 > 0:31:01and will one day resent and ignore me is...
0:31:01 > 0:31:04you know, just too, too precious.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30You're a lovely man, Jack.
0:31:33 > 0:31:35And I've had a lovely evening.
0:31:35 > 0:31:36So have I.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42Only I have to go and relieve the baby-sitter.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44Huh?
0:31:44 > 0:31:48- But I do hope we can do this again. - Me too.
0:31:48 > 0:31:49And in the meantime...
0:31:55 > 0:31:56Oh, yeah. Right.
0:31:59 > 0:32:03Just a little something for you to think about tonight.
0:32:03 > 0:32:07Don't be afraid to splash it all about.
0:32:07 > 0:32:09Yeah, I'll...splash it around.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12There's plenty more where that came from.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15Mmmm!
0:32:18 > 0:32:22HE SNIFFS
0:32:25 > 0:32:27BOTTLE SMASHES Oh, oh!
0:32:27 > 0:32:30Oh, shit! God!
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Bloody hell.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43We need to check everybody's financials and do a background...
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Hi, Jack!
0:32:45 > 0:32:46Hey!
0:32:53 > 0:32:56The way she's looking at you...
0:32:56 > 0:32:59Yeah, I know! HE SNIGGERS
0:32:59 > 0:33:01- Huh!- What?
0:33:03 > 0:33:06- Huh!- What!
0:33:06 > 0:33:08She's always looking at you like that.
0:33:08 > 0:33:09It's pupil dilation.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12What's that? Some sort of punishment for students?
0:33:12 > 0:33:14She's dilating her pupils at you.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17- That's what makes her eyes so compelling.- You what?
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Psychologists call it 'bedroom eyes' or 'the Mona Lisa effect'.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22Mona Lisa?
0:33:22 > 0:33:24Mmm, it's not the smile that makes the portrait so intriguing,
0:33:24 > 0:33:26it's her dilated left pupil.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29Oh, God! Don't tell me you've done a course in this shit?
0:33:29 > 0:33:31Understanding human body language
0:33:31 > 0:33:33is an integral part of human psychology.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35Well, does it mean she wants to shag me, or what?
0:33:35 > 0:33:37I thought it was all shit?
0:33:37 > 0:33:39Yes or no?
0:33:39 > 0:33:41- Yes.- Great!
0:33:41 > 0:33:44The weird thing is...
0:33:44 > 0:33:46you haven't been doing bedroom eyes back at her.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49- Don't be ridiculous! Of course I have!- But you haven't.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51Yeah, but I fancy her, so why aren't they dilating?
0:33:51 > 0:33:54How should I know? It's your subconscious, not mine.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56She's going to think I'm rejecting her.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Well, you are. Non-verbally.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00Well, how do I change that?
0:34:00 > 0:34:02The thing is, if you find her attractive,
0:34:02 > 0:34:04it should just happen naturally.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07Oh, look. It's those mothers we interviewed.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09MOTHERS BICKER
0:34:09 > 0:34:11Apparently, they knit together.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13- Knit And Natter. - Knit And Natter, eh?
0:34:13 > 0:34:16Some of that natter might be worth listening to, what do you reckon?
0:34:16 > 0:34:18Hmm!
0:34:20 > 0:34:22Now that the police have released Davina,
0:34:22 > 0:34:25we've really got to stick together, girls.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27- They'll come after us next. - So, mum's the word.
0:34:27 > 0:34:30Or who knows what kind of harassment we'll have to put up with.
0:34:30 > 0:34:34Well, they've already started poking their noses into my candles.
0:34:34 > 0:34:35And my greenhouse.
0:34:45 > 0:34:49I seem to have dropped a stitch.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Are you spying on us?
0:34:51 > 0:34:53Spying? Don't be absurd.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55I'm knitting an egg cosy for my mother.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57You got a problem with that?
0:34:57 > 0:35:00Because if you are spying on us without a warrant,
0:35:00 > 0:35:02I'll complain to your commissioner.
0:35:02 > 0:35:03Yeah?
0:35:06 > 0:35:08Well, you complain all you want.
0:35:08 > 0:35:12A man has been murdered and you three are suspects.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15And I owe it to him and his family to see that justice is done.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17Now, if you'll excuse me.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23DISHES CLATTERS
0:35:39 > 0:35:41- How was Knit And Natter?- Dead end.
0:35:41 > 0:35:44How are the financials looking?
0:35:44 > 0:35:47Well, bribery is certainly expensive.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51Uh-hum, we've been looking at their accounts
0:35:51 > 0:35:54- and they're all having financial difficulties.- Yeah?
0:35:55 > 0:35:59Saatchi Kyoto has had to scale back on her children's music lessons.
0:35:59 > 0:36:03Phoebe Fitzgerald has been buying cut-price unlicensed Botox online.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07OK, hey, hey, here we go, how's that?
0:36:07 > 0:36:09No.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13Oh? OK, hang on a second, hang on a second.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15OK, there we go, yeah.
0:36:15 > 0:36:18What's he doing?
0:36:18 > 0:36:20Trying to make his pupils dilate.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22- Yeah.- Oh.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24How they looking? Yeah?
0:36:24 > 0:36:27No, it's not working. What are you thinking about?
0:36:27 > 0:36:33OK, naked woman, right, and she's... Come here.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39And she's, and she's...
0:36:42 > 0:36:43Yeah?
0:36:43 > 0:36:46Ugh.
0:36:46 > 0:36:51Anyway, Camilla has put a villa in Tuscany on the market.
0:36:51 > 0:36:55None of our three suspects are as rich as they are pretending to be.
0:36:55 > 0:37:00OK. Well, er, why don't we run with this till around 4.00-ish
0:37:00 > 0:37:01and then break, huh?
0:37:01 > 0:37:05- What are we doing at 4.00-ish? - Er, well, I'm meeting up with Sarah.
0:37:05 > 0:37:07We're taking little John to the playground.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11So you're taking her child with you on a date?
0:37:11 > 0:37:13Yeah, cos if I connect with him, right?
0:37:13 > 0:37:16I mean, really connect with him on an emotional and,
0:37:16 > 0:37:19and a spiritual level,
0:37:19 > 0:37:21I'll get to have sex with his mum.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26We've stalled so badly on this case
0:37:26 > 0:37:28it feels like we're moving backwards.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31Yeah, well, let's work it out tomorrow.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34In the meantime, phone your dad.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38Hey, don't just think about it, call him. I'm off to see Sarah.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41- I'll drop you on the way. - Oh, my God!
0:37:41 > 0:37:43What?
0:37:43 > 0:37:46Your pupils have finally dilated.
0:37:46 > 0:37:49- Really? - They're huge, almost myodriatic.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52- Oh, right, great.- Not really.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55Why are they suddenly dilating now, at the mention of Sarah's name?
0:37:55 > 0:37:56Oh, I don't know. I'm a bloke.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Maybe my subconscious is a bit slow on the uptake.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01You've taken something, haven't you?
0:38:01 > 0:38:03Of course I haven't taken anything!
0:38:03 > 0:38:05Honestly?
0:38:05 > 0:38:08Look, I like her, but not that much.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10Besides, I really don't think
0:38:10 > 0:38:13whether or not my pupils are dilated is going to make any difference.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15Oh?
0:38:15 > 0:38:18If you haven't taken anything then maybe somebody gave you something
0:38:18 > 0:38:21that made your pupils contract and it's just worn off.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24Oh, come on why would somebody drug me to stop my pupils dilating?
0:38:24 > 0:38:27That's just a by-product, a symptom.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29I think somebody's trying to poison you.
0:38:29 > 0:38:31Oh, God, here we go!
0:38:31 > 0:38:32- Aconitum.- Aca what?
0:38:32 > 0:38:35One tiny drop can contract your pupils for up to 36 hours.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38- Yeah, where does it come from?- It can be found in herbaceous perennials.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41Like Monkshood or Blue Rocket, any of the buttercup family.
0:38:41 > 0:38:45In fact, any of the plants that can be found in Mrs Presley-Nairn's bloody greenhouse.
0:38:45 > 0:38:48- Oh, for God's sake! - We have to go and talk to her.- No!
0:38:48 > 0:38:49You are not ruining my evening just
0:38:49 > 0:38:52because you've read too many books on toxicology!
0:38:52 > 0:38:53We'll talk to her tomorrow!
0:38:55 > 0:38:57Jesus.
0:38:57 > 0:39:01- Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. - Oh, no, really.
0:39:01 > 0:39:02I feel terrible.
0:39:02 > 0:39:04- Don't worry about it. - Hold on a minute.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06- It's fine. It's fine. - There we are.
0:39:06 > 0:39:08No really. It's, no, really. Please...it's...
0:39:08 > 0:39:11really, will you please stop!
0:39:11 > 0:39:13I'm a policeman, not a five year old!
0:39:15 > 0:39:17Well, I am sorry.
0:39:18 > 0:39:19Thank you.
0:39:21 > 0:39:23Rude.
0:39:26 > 0:39:30- Yeah. - Hey. Hi.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35# You see this guy
0:39:35 > 0:39:37Don't shoot me!
0:39:39 > 0:39:43# This guy's in love with you
0:39:45 > 0:39:49# Yes, I'm in love
0:39:50 > 0:39:55# Who looks at you the way I do?
0:39:57 > 0:40:01# When you smile I can tell
0:40:01 > 0:40:06# We know each other very well
0:40:08 > 0:40:14# How can I show you
0:40:14 > 0:40:19# I'm glad I got to know you cos... #
0:40:27 > 0:40:30He says he wants to give you a present and a big, big kiss
0:40:30 > 0:40:34cos you're the bestest, funnest man ever.
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Oh, right, bestest, funnest?
0:40:37 > 0:40:41Oh, thank you very much.
0:40:42 > 0:40:44Thank you.
0:40:45 > 0:40:51He actually said you were avuncular with an infectious joie de vivre.
0:40:51 > 0:40:52Cute.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54- But I thought I'd paraphrase.- Yeah.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58Sorry to be going. But this really was wonderful.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00Yeah.
0:41:00 > 0:41:03And we'll do it again. Soon.
0:41:03 > 0:41:08- Please. - Next time...without any clothes.
0:41:10 > 0:41:14Not, not here though. Yeah.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16- SHE GIGGLES - Silly.
0:41:16 > 0:41:17HE COUGHS
0:41:24 > 0:41:26- Say bye-bye.- Bye.
0:41:26 > 0:41:28Bye.
0:41:28 > 0:41:34# If not, I'll just die... #
0:41:36 > 0:41:38So you think I'm poisoning you?
0:41:38 > 0:41:41No, she does. I think she's mental.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43So, I poisoned your friend,
0:41:43 > 0:41:45but without enough poison to do anything?
0:41:45 > 0:41:48Except for making my pupils dilate, which if you're guilty of,
0:41:48 > 0:41:52then congratulations on committing the most pointless crime ever.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55You expect us to believe that you don't know that all of these plants contain poison.
0:41:55 > 0:41:59Well, of course they do. They're members of the buttercup family.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02And you've never tried to extract a tincture of Aconitum from any them?
0:42:02 > 0:42:03No.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06Because if you want we can easily get a warrant for forensics
0:42:06 > 0:42:08to come in here and they will tear your garden apart.
0:42:08 > 0:42:11Won't they? Jack?
0:42:11 > 0:42:12Jack?
0:42:12 > 0:42:14HE MUMBLES
0:42:16 > 0:42:18Oh, my God, muscular paralysis,
0:42:18 > 0:42:22that's the first sign of a lethal dose of botulinum toxin.
0:42:22 > 0:42:23The main ingredient in Botox.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26The stuff your friend Phoebe Fitzgerald orders online.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28Oh, God, OK, it was her. Oh, my God, Jack!
0:42:28 > 0:42:30I'll call an ambulance.
0:42:30 > 0:42:33No, there's no time. OK, botulinum toxin, botulinum toxin, charcoal.
0:42:33 > 0:42:35Charcoal! Horticultural charcoal!
0:42:35 > 0:42:37OK, crush up some horticultural charcoal and,
0:42:37 > 0:42:39and stick it in, stick it in some water.
0:42:39 > 0:42:43And bring it over with that funnel, that funnel!
0:42:43 > 0:42:47All right, hang on, Jack. Come on hurry up, hurry up!
0:42:48 > 0:42:52All right, come on! OK, OK.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54All right, all right, you need to swallow, Jack.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57Oh, come on, come on, you've got to swallow it, Jack!
0:42:57 > 0:43:00You've got to get it down you. Come on, come on, Jack.
0:43:00 > 0:43:04All right, all right, OK, that's it, that's it, OK... OK.
0:43:11 > 0:43:13HE SNORTS
0:43:21 > 0:43:23Oh, God.
0:43:26 > 0:43:29How long have I been out for?
0:43:29 > 0:43:3024 hours.
0:43:34 > 0:43:38Apparently, you're going to live.
0:43:40 > 0:43:42- Thanks.- Anytime.
0:43:44 > 0:43:49Oh, God, I haven't woken up feeling this terrible
0:43:49 > 0:43:52since my best mate Dan's stag do.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56Mind you, that time I was wearing a leather miniskirt
0:43:56 > 0:43:58and my head was shaved.
0:43:59 > 0:44:01That's a nice image.
0:44:01 > 0:44:06Yeah, well, Dan came off worse, let me tell you, his scrotum ...
0:44:06 > 0:44:09OK, so do you want to hear my theory? Feel up to it?
0:44:09 > 0:44:10Yeah, go on.
0:44:12 > 0:44:13Camilla tried to poison you.
0:44:13 > 0:44:17And when that didn't work, Phoebe tried in the school corridor.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19- What, they're working as a team? - They had to be.
0:44:19 > 0:44:22I think they got fed up with paying the bribes and worked together
0:44:22 > 0:44:25to kill Brian Chaps and frame Davina for the murder.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28When Davina was freed, their only choice was to go for you.
0:44:28 > 0:44:31Yeah, well, you can see why they chose me.
0:44:31 > 0:44:37Yeah, I'm the bigger threat. Senior detective. Dangerously handsome.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39Or they just think you're a dick.
0:44:39 > 0:44:43Hey, don't be jealous, I'm sure they would have killed you second.
0:44:43 > 0:44:45I'm not jealous!
0:44:45 > 0:44:48It's kind of insulting, though. They didn't chose you first.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51I can't help feeling that Saatchi must be involved too.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54The three of them are too much in cahoots for her not to be.
0:44:54 > 0:44:56And ricin would be the perfect method.
0:44:56 > 0:44:57Ricin?
0:44:57 > 0:45:00A poison easily obtained from any of the castor beans
0:45:00 > 0:45:03she uses to make her soaps and candles and other crap.
0:45:03 > 0:45:05How do you get somebody to drink ricin?
0:45:05 > 0:45:07You don't drink it, you grind it into a fine powder,
0:45:07 > 0:45:10and then dust it on everyday items.
0:45:10 > 0:45:14Yeah, well, remind me not to open any get-well cards.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16No, Jack, I'm serious, if she's involved,
0:45:16 > 0:45:18you need to be really careful.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21Ricin is deadly and it can be concealed anywhere.
0:45:21 > 0:45:2430 years they were together, 30 years!
0:45:24 > 0:45:26I can't imagine how Dad must feel.
0:45:26 > 0:45:29I keep wanting to talk to him on the phone but I don't know what to say.
0:45:31 > 0:45:34I thought if Jack and I could solve this case,
0:45:34 > 0:45:35then we'd take it to the Old Bailey
0:45:35 > 0:45:38and he'd have something to feel happy about, you know, or proud of.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40But Jack's so... Argh!
0:45:40 > 0:45:41Wait a minute, wait a minute,
0:45:41 > 0:45:44is this about your parents splitting up or about you and Jack?
0:45:46 > 0:45:47He's such a slacker,
0:45:47 > 0:45:51you know, always looking for ways to cut corners or knock off early.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54If he spent half the time chasing criminals
0:45:54 > 0:45:55that he spends chasing women...
0:45:55 > 0:45:57That's why we're making mistakes.
0:45:57 > 0:46:01No, that's why you make a good team. You and Jack complement each other.
0:46:01 > 0:46:08You two are like Luis Bunuel's perfect martini.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10- Luis who's what now? - The Spanish surrealist filmmaker.
0:46:10 > 0:46:13Oh, of course, Luis Bunuel!
0:46:13 > 0:46:16I found his recipe when I was researching all the cocktails.
0:46:16 > 0:46:20You see, you're the gin, the ice and the olives.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23So what's Jack, the vermouth?
0:46:23 > 0:46:26No, no, no, no, Jack is the je ne sais quoi.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29Why can't I be the je ne sais quoi?
0:46:29 > 0:46:31Because you don't know what it is, do you?
0:46:31 > 0:46:34Je ne sais pas.
0:46:34 > 0:46:35HE CHUCKLES
0:46:35 > 0:46:41You see, the final element of Bunuel's martini
0:46:41 > 0:46:45was a single beam of light.
0:46:47 > 0:46:52He's the mystery ingredient that pulls it all together,
0:46:52 > 0:46:53the other half to the whole.
0:46:54 > 0:46:57Yeah, the arse-whole.
0:46:57 > 0:46:59HE LAUGHS
0:47:16 > 0:47:17Educational pathfinder.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21How sweet.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23SHE INHALES DEEPLY
0:47:29 > 0:47:32SHE CHOKES
0:47:36 > 0:47:38We'll have to wait for the tox report,
0:47:38 > 0:47:41but I'm pretty certain it's ricin poisoning.
0:47:41 > 0:47:46Ricin? She knew about the bribery. She could testify.
0:47:47 > 0:47:49Not any more.
0:47:50 > 0:47:51Smile.
0:47:53 > 0:47:56Hey, Sarah, hey, yeah, it's me.
0:47:56 > 0:48:00It's...it's Jack. Yeah.
0:48:00 > 0:48:03Anyway, listen, I was, I was just ringing to tell you that
0:48:03 > 0:48:06Camilla, Phoebe and Saatchi have been arrested.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08Yeah, well, you know, it's all in a day's work, babe.
0:48:11 > 0:48:15- Hi. - Hi, DI Georgie.
0:48:15 > 0:48:17Chloe, isn't it?
0:48:19 > 0:48:23I probably should have told you earlier, but...
0:48:23 > 0:48:25- my parents are getting divorced too.- Really?
0:48:25 > 0:48:30Uh-hum. You do know it's going to be OK, don't you?
0:48:30 > 0:48:32Are you basing this on anything
0:48:32 > 0:48:34or just trying to make me feel better?
0:48:35 > 0:48:36I'm saying it because it's true.
0:48:38 > 0:48:42My parents are divorcing each other, they are not divorcing me.
0:48:42 > 0:48:44They'll always be proud of me
0:48:44 > 0:48:47just like I'm sure your parents will always be proud of you.
0:48:47 > 0:48:48Do you really think so?
0:48:48 > 0:48:51I'm a police officer. We're not allowed to lie.
0:48:51 > 0:48:53We get court-martialled and shot.
0:48:53 > 0:48:56- That's soldiers. - Clever clogs.
0:49:06 > 0:49:10What do you think? My first day at the Old Bailey.
0:49:12 > 0:49:14Yeah, it's all right.
0:49:16 > 0:49:17What's wrong?
0:49:17 > 0:49:21I'm just thinking, haven't we been here before?
0:49:21 > 0:49:25I know, I was just thinking the same thing.
0:49:25 > 0:49:26Look, all the evidence fits.
0:49:26 > 0:49:29They all had means, motive and opportunity
0:49:29 > 0:49:31but three poisoners, all at once?
0:49:31 > 0:49:33And two different MOs?
0:49:33 > 0:49:35Someone definitely tried to poison you.
0:49:37 > 0:49:39Maybe it was someone close.
0:49:39 > 0:49:41Not this again.
0:49:41 > 0:49:44You had dinner with her, she must have had opportunity.
0:49:44 > 0:49:48Look, Sarah didn't touch my food, OK, I'd have noticed if she did.
0:49:48 > 0:49:50Maybe it wasn't in the food.
0:49:50 > 0:49:51The only other thing was,
0:49:51 > 0:49:58she was wearing this really strong home-made perfume, Concupis...
0:49:58 > 0:50:00- Concupiscent. - That's it.
0:50:02 > 0:50:05She gave me a whole bottle of the stuff after our first date.
0:50:05 > 0:50:09- And you didn't think that was weird? - No, I just thought it was kinky.
0:50:09 > 0:50:11But then on our second date,
0:50:11 > 0:50:14when she touched my face, her glove stank of the stuff.
0:50:14 > 0:50:20Oh, my God, it was the perfume that was poisoned.
0:50:20 > 0:50:23- She tried to kill me! - It does look that way.
0:50:23 > 0:50:28OK, OK, look, setting aside why the hell she would want to poison me,
0:50:28 > 0:50:32why would she want to kill the headmaster?
0:50:32 > 0:50:34Sarah doesn't have any money.
0:50:36 > 0:50:39No-one gets their kid into that school for free.
0:50:39 > 0:50:42Maybe...
0:50:42 > 0:50:45Maybe he was demanding payment in another way?
0:50:48 > 0:50:55Sex with Brian Chaps, eugh!
0:50:55 > 0:50:58Calibar bracelet.
0:50:59 > 0:51:01Rosary pea earrings.
0:51:03 > 0:51:07I bet your mascara even has a touch of belladonna in, doesn't it?
0:51:07 > 0:51:10- To make your pupils dilate. - What's belladonna?
0:51:10 > 0:51:13Otherwise known as deadly nightshade.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15And this bottle of Concu, Concu ...
0:51:15 > 0:51:18- Concupiscent.- Yeah, whatever! Has that got Aconitum in it?
0:51:18 > 0:51:20Or was that just for me? Hmm?
0:51:20 > 0:51:23We're going to test all your products for toxins, Sarah,
0:51:23 > 0:51:27then we're going to run them against the toxins in Jack's bloodstream.
0:51:27 > 0:51:30- Yuh. - You will be going to prison.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37I just have one question for you.
0:51:37 > 0:51:38Yeah. Did you ever really fancy me?
0:51:38 > 0:51:42That's not my question. My question is, why kill him?
0:51:42 > 0:51:45I didn't have any choice.
0:51:45 > 0:51:48Even though my son's a prodigy, that bastard headmaster refused to have
0:51:48 > 0:51:52little John in his reception class unless I agreed to sleep with him.
0:51:54 > 0:51:57Well, I couldn't blow little John's chances.
0:51:57 > 0:52:00- So you blew something else. - It was just once.
0:52:00 > 0:52:04Six pathetic minutes in his office, and I thought that would be it.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07But Brian had other ideas.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09He expected me to keep sleeping with him,
0:52:09 > 0:52:12otherwise he'd exclude little John and give his place to some kid
0:52:12 > 0:52:15with a mummy who had a debenture at Wimbledon.
0:52:15 > 0:52:17So you killed him and then you framed Davina by stealing
0:52:17 > 0:52:20her knitting needle while pretending to comfort her?
0:52:20 > 0:52:23But then once we released Davina,
0:52:23 > 0:52:25you needed another tactic, didn't you?
0:52:25 > 0:52:26So you implicated the other mothers.
0:52:26 > 0:52:30I knew I could sell the idea to a young detective like you,
0:52:30 > 0:52:32gagging for something to bring to the Old Bailey.
0:52:33 > 0:52:38But as soon as you hit on me, you became the problem.
0:52:38 > 0:52:41I knew you'd find out in the end.
0:52:41 > 0:52:43Why didn't you just give him the brush off?
0:52:43 > 0:52:45Because if I'd rejected Jack that would have been
0:52:45 > 0:52:47even more suspicious, wouldn't it?
0:52:47 > 0:52:52Oh, come on, he's bloody gorgeous, what sane woman wouldn't want him?
0:52:52 > 0:52:55Me, for one.
0:52:55 > 0:52:59It's a compelling case, put that to a lenient judge,
0:52:59 > 0:53:01he may go easy on you.
0:53:03 > 0:53:06I'm so sorry, Jack.
0:53:06 > 0:53:09I was attracted to you,
0:53:09 > 0:53:15really attracted to you and I probably always will be.
0:53:16 > 0:53:19So before you arrest me,
0:53:19 > 0:53:24won't you at least give me a kiss goodbye?
0:53:26 > 0:53:29No! Wait! Stop! Give me that!
0:53:29 > 0:53:30Oleander. It's got Oleander in it.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32Will you please stop trying to kill my partner!
0:53:32 > 0:53:35- Was that another poison?- Yep!
0:53:35 > 0:53:36Jesus!
0:53:36 > 0:53:39Except you're not wearing a protective layer of lip salve.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42Whereas you are, aren't you, Sarah?
0:53:47 > 0:53:53- And now, the finishing touch. - Yeah, what's that?
0:53:53 > 0:53:54Ahhhh!
0:53:56 > 0:53:58- I don't get it.- What do you mean?
0:53:58 > 0:54:00Well, what is that? Some sort of heat-emitting pen?
0:54:00 > 0:54:03No, mate, it's a torch.
0:54:03 > 0:54:04Well, what do you need a torch for?
0:54:04 > 0:54:06I mean, I can see the drink,
0:54:06 > 0:54:08I don't need you pointing some poxy torch at it.
0:54:08 > 0:54:11Well, it's supposed to recreate the effect of sunlight,
0:54:11 > 0:54:12you know, provoke reverie and amazement.
0:54:12 > 0:54:15The only thing that provokes in me is annoyance,
0:54:15 > 0:54:19you're twatting about with some torch while I'm waiting for my drink.
0:54:19 > 0:54:21I love the lighty thing, I think it makes it more yummy.
0:54:21 > 0:54:24No, no, no, that's not the point, it's like Tom Cruise
0:54:24 > 0:54:27and that er, that, that other bloke in...in Cocktail.
0:54:27 > 0:54:28Bryan Brown.
0:54:28 > 0:54:30Yeah, the Australian geezer.
0:54:30 > 0:54:32Anyway, you know they are busy mixing cocktails,
0:54:32 > 0:54:36everyone's standing around, shouting and carrying on,
0:54:36 > 0:54:39but I tell you what, if that was me, in that bar, I'd be pissed off.
0:54:39 > 0:54:42- Why?- Because, while they're flipping it over their shoulder
0:54:42 > 0:54:44and fannying about, I've got my tongue hanging out,
0:54:44 > 0:54:47I'd be like, "Excuse me, mate, I'm paying you to make me
0:54:47 > 0:54:49"a Bloody Mary, not dick about with a cocktail shaker."
0:54:49 > 0:54:51Now can I drink this, please?!
0:54:51 > 0:54:53Georgie, that's on the house, babe.
0:54:53 > 0:54:55- Thanks, Tony.- Pleasure.
0:54:57 > 0:55:00Mmm, mate, that is delish!
0:55:00 > 0:55:03- Do you like it?- Yeah.- 15 quid.
0:55:03 > 0:55:04- What!?- Cash.
0:55:04 > 0:55:07- Hey, what happened to on the house? - You keep talking, it'll be 20.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09All right.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11DOOR OPENS
0:55:11 > 0:55:12There you go.
0:55:14 > 0:55:16Oh, oh, shall I leave you to it?
0:55:16 > 0:55:18No, it's fine.
0:55:18 > 0:55:19Hi, George. How are you doing?
0:55:19 > 0:55:21Dad.
0:55:21 > 0:55:23I have something to tell you.
0:55:26 > 0:55:29Jack and I are taking a case to the Old Bailey.
0:55:29 > 0:55:33Oh, sweetheart, that's fantastic.
0:55:33 > 0:55:34THEY LAUGH
0:55:34 > 0:55:37I thought it would cheer you up.
0:55:37 > 0:55:39I haven't really known what to say.
0:55:39 > 0:55:40Sweetheart, I'm fine.
0:55:40 > 0:55:42I knew you'd say that.
0:55:42 > 0:55:46Honestly. I even went speed dating last week, it's bloody brilliant!
0:55:46 > 0:55:50Have you any idea, how well a man my age, with his own hair,
0:55:50 > 0:55:53- can actually do?- You hound!
0:55:53 > 0:55:58- So come on then, Jackie boy, where's the woman in your life?- Don't.
0:55:58 > 0:56:01My perfect woman has just turned out to be
0:56:01 > 0:56:05a cold-hearted, manipulative bitch, who wanted to kill me.
0:56:05 > 0:56:08Since when...? Sarah was your perfect woman?
0:56:08 > 0:56:14Yeah, pretty much. Well, apart from the kid, of course.
0:56:14 > 0:56:17And the home-made jewellery and that homeopathy.
0:56:17 > 0:56:20In fact, she was a bit of a hippy really, wasn't she?
0:56:20 > 0:56:23Well, maybe she wasn't my perfect woman.
0:56:23 > 0:56:24Anyway, I'll leave you to it.
0:56:24 > 0:56:27Oh, Jack, here's that book you asked me to get for you.
0:56:27 > 0:56:29Oh, yeah. Oh, right yeah, thanks.
0:56:29 > 0:56:31Wait, wait, wait not so fast!
0:56:34 > 0:56:38Advanced Forensic Toxicology. I'm rubbing off on you.
0:56:38 > 0:56:41Hey, listen, I am not a nerd, like you, OK.
0:56:41 > 0:56:45It's just next time someone tries to poison me, I want to know about it.
0:56:45 > 0:56:48Hey! The second one's a real page-turner, baby!
0:56:48 > 0:56:50Yeah, you'd know.
0:56:50 > 0:56:53Here you go. Cheers, guys, on the house.
0:56:55 > 0:56:57I'm so not ready to talk about your love life.
0:56:57 > 0:57:00Ditto!
0:57:06 > 0:57:08Armed robbery on the jewellery store.
0:57:08 > 0:57:10It's our most expensive diamond.
0:57:10 > 0:57:12The thieves knew what they wanted,
0:57:12 > 0:57:14they also knew the codes to the safe.
0:57:14 > 0:57:17I've had 615 responses from Speed of Love Direct.
0:57:17 > 0:57:19Wow, so you did use the topless shot.
0:57:19 > 0:57:21It's from my brother. He's getting married.
0:57:21 > 0:57:23Will you be my best man?
0:57:23 > 0:57:25Ah, Jack!
0:57:25 > 0:57:28- Why don't you get on with him again? - Because he's an arsehole, all right?
0:57:28 > 0:57:30Don't move!
0:57:42 > 0:57:45Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd