0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:14 > 0:00:15So, I finally did it.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19I finally went live on SpeedofLoveDirect.com.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21No! I don't believe it.
0:00:21 > 0:00:26After 57 weeks of talking about it, she finally does it.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28It's not easy, writing about yourself.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Did you get your jugs out, did you use that topless photo like I suggested?
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Yeah, I did that, I thought it would attract exactly the kind of man
0:00:35 > 0:00:37I want to share and entrust my future with.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Hey, OK, right, so how many responses did you get?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I don't know. I haven't checked my e-mails yet.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47I haven't, I haven't actually turned my phone on.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49OK, why?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52In case no one's replied.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Oh, come on!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56You finally get the guts to put it up there.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59You know, let's see how many matches you've got.
0:00:59 > 0:01:04Hey come on, you, listen, you really are quite attractive. OK?
0:01:04 > 0:01:07You've got the dirty blond thing going on which suggests casual sex.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10And, you know, that photo that you wanted to use,
0:01:10 > 0:01:14let me tell you, it was, it really was quite nice.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15- Really?- Yeah.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23OK. I'm on.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Well done! Woo!
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Hey, hey, great!
0:01:29 > 0:01:34Hey I tell you what, I'm sure you're going to get some responses.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37There are a lot of unemployed men out there with nothing else to do.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40You know, so...
0:02:01 > 0:02:05Hey, armed robbery on the jewellery store.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I'll be getting the store's CCTV,
0:02:07 > 0:02:12but eye witnesses say that a bike pulled up around there.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Oh, my God!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15What's going on?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I've had 94 responses from Speed of Love Direct.
0:02:18 > 0:02:2094 e-mails.
0:02:20 > 0:02:2496, 98 on my god 100, 102, 104...
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Yeah, yeah. Anyway, go on.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28So, one thief went inside.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Helmeted, armed, threatened the staff at gun point.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Did the robbery, came out. Got on the bike. Bike zoomed off.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- What kind of bike?- We don't know yet.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38A motorbike?
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Yeah, a motorbike. Mind you, I'm only guessing, I might be wrong.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Maybe 21st century thieves are using push-bikes for armed robbery?
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Armed robbery by Boris bike?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Huh? Yeah. What?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- Will you turn that thing off?- Sorry.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53- Sorry.- Bike zoomed off,
0:02:53 > 0:02:57nearly hit an old lady, who fainted, but I think she's going to be OK.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- Thanks, Naz.- Thank you.- Alright.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Do you like jewellery? You never seem to wear any.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Oh, that's nasty.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14I'd have thought you like this stuff.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17This looks like someone sneezed down your chest.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19If someone gave me that,
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- I would arrest them for bad taste. - I'd wear it.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25You know your problem is that you have no sense of romance.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I do.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31But this stuff is not romantic.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Diamonds, romantic.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34No they're not.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Not unless you're Russian, or an Arab.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Wouldn't you like to have a diamond ring one day?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41If it was from the right guy, hmm?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Yes and no.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Bloody hell.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31I've got the owner outside, Joanna Poynter.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Yeah? Well, send her in.- Sure.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- What's happened? - There's been a robbery, Miss Poynter.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I know that. What's been taken?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Miss Poynter, please don't touch anything.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Lucy, what did they take? What's missing?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Just The Sultan stone. BZ47569032.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Does my dad know yet?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Oh, shit.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Shit, shit, shit! Oh god!
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Miss Poynter, what is the Sultan's stone?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02It's the most expensive diamond we've ever held.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04And how many millions is it worth?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07It's worth £270,000. That's enough, isn't it?
0:05:07 > 0:05:08We were holding it for a client.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11I mean, We never normally hold stones worth that.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Right, so it's no accident that the thieves hit today?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15What? I don't know. I don't know.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Please, Miss Poynter, if you calm down...
0:05:18 > 0:05:20This could destroy the business!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23How many people knew the diamond was here?
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Erm, Lucy, me, the client, obviously, my parents.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Oh, God! Oh, shit.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Dad's here. He's going to kill me.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32You run the business, don't you?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34He set it up. He built it from nothing.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36How long have you been running the business?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39For two years. Since Dad had his heart attack.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Hey, Naz, keep him out of here. This is a crime scene.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44We want to talk to Joanna, without him.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Sure.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Um, I'm afraid you can't come...
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Well done, Naz.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53What's going on here, Boo-boo? Who are these two?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55They're police officers, there's been a robbery.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- What have you said to them?- Nothing.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Excuse us, we were in the process of taking Joanna's statement.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05Why don't you take a statement from me instead? No comment. Goodbye.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07You can pootle off now, ploddies.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10We don't know if we want to report a robbery at this stage
0:06:10 > 0:06:11and make the crime official.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15If we need to make an insurance claim we'll get in touch, thank you so much.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Whether you like it or not, sir, this is a crime scene.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19One of your staff was held at gunpoint.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21She'll be all right. I'll give her the day off.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25The thieves knew what they wanted, they also knew the codes to the safe.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Which, which means the insurance won't stand.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Please be quiet, Boo-boo. Go and wait in the car.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31I'll take it from here.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40And if they knew the codes to the safe, I have two words for you:
0:06:40 > 0:06:42And I have two words for you as well.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Inside job.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Those are my two words.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- What were yours? - Work it out.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51That's three words.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Very clever, Inspector! I can see you're going all the way.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57But as I said, if we need to make a claim
0:06:57 > 0:06:59and make the robbery official, we will do so.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04Meanwhile, why don't you round up some hooligans or solve a murder in a country house?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07If it is an inside job you're a suspect.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Quite right, well done, I did it,
0:07:09 > 0:07:12even though I was playing golf up until 20 minutes ago.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16I can see you're going to be a Super Chief-Intendant one of these days.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Actually, I do have a crime to report.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22I'm parked on double yellow lines, so why don't you go and give me a ticket?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Now, get out of my shop.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Right, OK.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Oh my word, that is interesting.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36It was a motorbike.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Georgina, it was a motorbike.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Which means that we can rule out the gang who's MO is the push bike.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Hmm, a Kawasaki Ninja.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Hmm, nice bike. I bet it's hot.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Hmm, I'll check it out.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Mind you, I think the Z1 was the sexier bike.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53I don't know that one.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Oh, come on, it's a '70s design classic.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Let's not talk about motorbikes, let's talk about jewellery.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03What do we know about the client who purchased the BZ47569032?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Nico Banna. Defending mid-fielder for City.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- He's been on the bench most weeks. - Not him, he can't squeeze for toffee.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- Exactly.- Let's not talk about football.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Let's talk about this crime. Is he a suspect?
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- This theft is a bit low rent for Nico Banna, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21Nico earns 70 grand a week just sitting on the bench, chewing gum and thinking about sports cars.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23No motive.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Hey, I just found all this mail for you from the police station.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Oh, cheers.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30What's up?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33I've had 615 responses from Speed of Love Direct.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Wow, so, you did use the topless shot.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38How am I supposed to reply to all these?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40- Just delete them. - My perfect man could be in here.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Just judge them by their faces. That's what everyone else does.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- So I've been told. - There you go, easy.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Bin anyone you don't fancy shagging after looking at their photo for a second.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- It's the only way you're gonna get through them.- OK.
0:09:02 > 0:09:08So, who do we know had access to the safe combination numbers yesterday?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Right, there's Lucy the store manager,
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Joanna, the boss who can't cope
0:09:16 > 0:09:20and scary arse-hole Ron-daddy, the golfing twat.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Joanna said he knew the codes.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27What?
0:09:27 > 0:09:28What's that?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31It's from my brother.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33I did not know you had a brother.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36He's getting married. Why's he invited me?
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Probably because you're his brother?
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Right, shall we go see these suspects?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- Let's do it.- Hmm.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Thanks Naz.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47No worries.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Look, I'm finding this whole process quite stressful to be honest.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57I haven't recovered from yesterday.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59You weren't there during the robbery, were you?
0:09:59 > 0:10:03I'm still responsible, aren't I? For staff welfare. For security.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05It's OK, calm down, it's over now.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Sorry, we're just having a tough time at the moment.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Because of the robbery, or is there something else?
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Yes, the robbery.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Well, it's, it's, it's tough anyway.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20If you haven't done it for years, like Mum and Dad have.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I was a yoga teacher before.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Really?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I'm meant to be the responsible one.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27How do you mean, the responsible one?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Oh, nothing, just compared to my brother.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Is he involved in the business too?
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Josh? No. He's not really involved in anything.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Er, did he know about the diamond? Did he know it was here?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40No, no. He keeps well out.
0:10:40 > 0:10:45Dad won't let him near the business. Since he "wasted his education."
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Families, eh?
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Can you give us his address? We should go and talk to him.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Yeah.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Oh, hi, Mum, these are the two police officers investigating the robbery.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58This is my mum, Patricia.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59- DI Dixon.- DI Armstrong.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Well, hello.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Should you be talking to them without a lawyer?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Ah ha.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11No, it's fine.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Well, I've got your dry cleaning here, darling.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15I'll just put it behind the desk.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18And when you've finished talking to these two, let's get to the club.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20We do have a couple more questions for Joanna.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Well, then, I'll wait.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Um, do you know where your brother was at the time of the robbery?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35No. Mum, where was Josh yesterday?
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Er, what time was the robbery?
0:11:38 > 0:11:403.35pm.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I took him to see that new comedy film.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44And then we went for a pizza.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Oh right, teenager.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47He's 36.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Right, and, and was it just the diamond that was taken?
0:11:53 > 0:11:54Nothing else?
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Just BZ47569032. Here's the certificate.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01We named it The Sultan Stone because that sounds better for the client.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02The City player?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Yeah. It was going to be his wife's wedding ring.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06It's a wonderful diamond,
0:12:06 > 0:12:10it's a five carat, D flawless, heart-shaped cut.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12We were going to make this ring for them.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15What is it with footballers and bad taste?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17More like the Sultan's knob ring!
0:12:19 > 0:12:22So, the client brings you the nasty design and the stone
0:12:22 > 0:12:24and you have to make it up for him?
0:12:24 > 0:12:28We sourced the stone for him through our broker.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29The ring is my design.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34And what a gorgeous design it is too,
0:12:34 > 0:12:36yeah, really beautiful.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39I think that design is fresh
0:12:39 > 0:12:41and chic and distinctive.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Yeah, chic, very fresh.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Please, forgive my partner's comments,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49she has absolutely no taste at all.
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Yes, I'm sorry.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57personally, I've just never found diamonds very romantic.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58It's a problem I have.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Diamonds are the very epitome of romance.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Nothing says I love you more than a diamond.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07They're the ultimate luxury.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Who wants a coloured stone?
0:13:09 > 0:13:14Only diamonds answer our two greatest fears in life.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Am I truly loved? And do I have financial security?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21The gift of a diamond answers both of those,
0:13:21 > 0:13:24yes and yes.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27So, tell us about the broker? Did he know the diamond was here?
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Yes.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29And what's his name?
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Thomas De Hoyzen. He's a great friend of Dad's.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Ja, I was very fucking upset to hear about this.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Ron is a long time friend of mine.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41We've been on holiday together many times.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Can I get you a whiskey, my friend?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Er, er, I won't. I'm on duty.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Sit down.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48And I'm fine, thank you.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56So, how was Ron's business doing? Was it struggling at all?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Oh, you let your assistant ask the questions?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03No, no, I'm not his assistant
0:14:03 > 0:14:06No, No, she's, er, she's, she's not my assistant.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08And I know it might seem that way but, er...
0:14:08 > 0:14:09I'm a Detective Inspector.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Oh, you're a police woman?
0:14:14 > 0:14:15You could arrest me?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Actually, I could, I could arrest you.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21Nice. Then you take me to a cell and abuse me.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28You're a lucky man, you drive around with this lady all day, huh?
0:14:28 > 0:14:32Yeah, it's er, it's not that much fun, actually.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Here we are. All of us on my boat.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40This is 2008, that's my daughter, Abi.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43She's a great athlete and a smart business lady.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44I'm very proud of her.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46She is as wonderful as her brothers now.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Ron, Pat, the wife.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Joanna, his daughter.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Oh.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Ron's business is good. People always want his jewellery.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58He has taste, ja?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01He has a little hiccup when he gives the business to his girl.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03She's a woman. She's not that smart.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06But he runs it again now, really.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08He tells her what to do.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12He will always do well because people always want luxury.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15And you guys con them into it, don't you?
0:15:15 > 0:15:16What's that?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19I'm just saying, your whole concept of luxury is a con. That's all.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23It's a lie, isn't it? Diamonds aren't really rare or exclusive.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25That's an illusion created by your industry.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28You control their availability, hiding tonnes of them in vaults,
0:15:28 > 0:15:31manufacturing their scarcity to increase their value.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33It's one of the greatest cons of the 20th century.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Actually, diamonds are common as muck.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Oh, lordy, you're a very angry lady. I see what you mean, she's no fun.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Have you been very unlucky in love sweetheart, ja?
0:15:44 > 0:15:45I think you must have been.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47No.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51In fact, I have just had 615 e-mails from men who are interested...
0:15:53 > 0:15:57You don't know what you're saying, lady. You are ten years out of date.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Once, we suppressed the availability of rocks, yes.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03but now with China booming, there aren't enough diamonds.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06I can sell them all day. The thing you are most wrong about,
0:16:06 > 0:16:09is that diamonds are not romantic,
0:16:09 > 0:16:11they are very romantic.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Are you telling me you don't find this romantic?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19I bet this is making you hot right now, yeah?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Stop it.
0:16:21 > 0:16:26Mr De Hoyzen, Mr De Hoyzen, it's really, it's not romantic.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31This is how I seduced my wife.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32By showing her many diamonds.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Er, where were you yesterday afternoon?
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Are you suggesting I may have stolen the diamond I sold to them?
0:16:40 > 0:16:43No, I'm merely asking where you were yesterday afternoon.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46I was in Antwerp buying these diamonds.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49And about 2,000 people can vouch for that.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Now this interview is over?
0:16:50 > 0:16:53If you'll excuse me I'm trying to acquire a chalet in Verbier.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Well, er, good luck with that.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- You really don't find diamonds romantic?- No.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07But you're a woman, for God's sake!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Some nasty piece of over-priced carbon
0:17:09 > 0:17:13dug out of the earth in a conflict zone, shipped over by people like De Hoyzen.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15I guess I can't think of anything less romantic
0:17:15 > 0:17:19than having to spend that kind of money to prove you love somebody.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20I don't believe you.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Like Pat said, they're the ultimate luxury.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25They say I love you long time,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28plus if the relationship goes tits up, you can always cash them in.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Oh, insurance. Yeah, cos that's always romantic.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Do you know what else is meant to be romantic and isn't?
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Venice.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Have you ever been to Venice?
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- No.- It's horrendous. It's smelly.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42It's packed with tourists and Italians.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Now, Italians they are supposed to be romantic.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Well, they're not, why does everyone think that?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50They're like me. They smell nice. They dress well.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52They know how to listen to women.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54There is nothing Italian about you,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56and you should take that as a compliment.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Trust me, I know, I used to go out with one.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02All he used to do was talk about his car, and worry about his clothes.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06It was him who took me to Venice. I was looking forward to it.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09The San Marco, moonlit walks on the Rialto.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12The weight of romantic expectation was impossible to bear.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15He spent the entire time trying on trousers in Gucci.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19And then I discovered he'd taken more photos of his car than of me.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24I know you don't listen to women, Jack.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Jack?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Jack!
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Sorry, what?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33What did I just say?
0:18:33 > 0:18:37I do actually listen to women, apart from when they're being very, very boring.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Sorry, I should've made that clear. I listen to women,
0:18:39 > 0:18:42apart from when they're being really, really boring,
0:18:42 > 0:18:44at which point I stop listening to them.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48Honestly, your rant about Italians just went on and on and on.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50It should have come with an interval.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52I could've gone out and got an ice cream
0:18:52 > 0:18:54and come back for the second half.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58I'm really sorry that your romance with the Italian didn't work out.
0:18:58 > 0:19:04But maybe one out of the 50,000 texts that you received is the one!
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- MAN COUGHS - What's all the ruckus?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- Josh Poynter?- That's my name.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08This is DI Dixon. I'm DI Armstrong.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Can we come in?
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Sure.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Sure. Would you like a cup of tea?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21No, I'm fine, thank you.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24VIDEO GAME PLAYS
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Josh, erm...
0:20:28 > 0:20:31..do you realise that these drugs are illegal?
0:20:31 > 0:20:35- HE CHUCKLES - Yes!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- Oh, do you want a toke? - Er, no, Josh, he doesn't.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39I certainly don't either, thank you.
0:20:39 > 0:20:44Because we are police detectives, here investigating a crime.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Detectives...
0:20:46 > 0:20:48What you working on at the moment?
0:20:48 > 0:20:52Er, a robbery at your family's jewellery store. HE CLEARS THROAT
0:20:52 > 0:20:53No shit?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Dad'll lose his bananas.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01You two are going to catch them, though, yeah?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Well, we're, we're going to...
0:21:03 > 0:21:05we're going to endeavour to do that, yeah.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09JACK CLEARS THROAT
0:21:09 > 0:21:11BUBBLING
0:21:12 > 0:21:13(Pst.)
0:21:14 > 0:21:17I don't think he was involved.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21Let's go. If I stay here any longer, I'm going to want to order pizza.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Hey, I got half a packet of crisps in my car.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Hey. Listen...
0:21:27 > 0:21:31If you need any help, you just ask.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36You know? I'm doing an accountancy course starting next week.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39And I'm going to definitely do that this time.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42But, you know...
0:21:42 > 0:21:43I'm free till then.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46JACK CHUCKLES
0:22:01 > 0:22:03JACK WEARILY EXHALES
0:22:03 > 0:22:05I definitely want him to do my accounts.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11THEY LAUGH
0:22:26 > 0:22:29LAUGHTER BECOMES HYSTERICAL
0:22:35 > 0:22:36I don't believe this!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Is there absolutely nothing left on this wedding list?
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Why didn't you give me my invite earlier?
0:22:41 > 0:22:46The only thing that they've got on here is a rosewood sleigh bed.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Price - 3,444 quid!
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- Well, he is your brother. Come on. - JACK SIGHS
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- Why don't you get on with him? - I do get on with him.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- You didn't even know he was getting married. - Yeah, because I wasn't given my post!
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Why did he send it to the police station in the first place?
0:23:02 > 0:23:06- Doesn't he know where his own brother lives?- Guys. That robbery case you're working.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Still trying to find out who the insider was.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- Somebody gave the safe combination to the thieves.- Hello!
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Here we go, toilet brush holder.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- Bingo!- You can't give him a toilet brush holder as a wedding present.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Why not? I'd have thought you'd find that romantic.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22You know, I bet you it was the Mullan boys.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Yeah, they carried out a spate of motorcycle robberies
0:23:25 > 0:23:28five years back. Two-man teams. Always inside job.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31- That's the same MO as our robbery. - That's right.
0:23:31 > 0:23:36- We knew they were guilty, but didn't have enough evidence for court. - How did you know they were guilty?
0:23:36 > 0:23:37We had their place bugged.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40They were doing a robbery-a-month back then. Why not bug them again?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43I mean, if they've got this diamond TB45678910,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47- you might hear them talk about shifting it.- We'd need a warrant.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Ah, we didn't have a warrant back then.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53You can't go bugging people's houses without a warrant. How's that legal?
0:23:53 > 0:23:56It's not legal.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Look, George, you can't use it in court.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02But you might find out whether they did it or not,
0:24:02 > 0:24:03do you know what I mean?
0:24:03 > 0:24:07- And you might get a little whisper on the insider. - Where do these Mullan boys hang out?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10They kept moving about. And that was five years ago.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13They do have a cousin that owns a metal-cutting business
0:24:13 > 0:24:16down at the Honeycombe trading estate.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26This is the bike being stolen for the robbery.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30So they'd have needed a serious saw to cut through that chain,
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- wouldn't they, Col?- Don't know. I didn't steal the bike.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Where does Sean Mullan live? Tell us and we'll leave you alone.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Don't know him. Have you tried the phone book?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41We just want an address, that's all.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Then we'll be on our way.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Unless you want your flourishing business to get a visit
0:24:46 > 0:24:48from the tax inspector this year.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50You want a visit from the tax inspector, Col?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Hey. Come on. They'll never know it was you.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Sean might have a crash service garage.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Near the bus depot. I can't remember.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09- Thanks.- Thank you.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Will you stop asking about him?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18We're here to check on the Mullan gang.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23He's a paediatric surgeon, OK?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Now you know what he does, can we please shut up about him?
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Your brother saves the lives of little children?
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I don't know. Sometimes.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35He's a paediatric plastic surgeon. Probably.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Anyway, don't be too in awe of him,
0:25:38 > 0:25:42because he totally sells out with the private work.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44So he's rich as well?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Wow, that is by far the best profile I've heard all week.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- Why don't you get on with him again? - Because he's an arsehole, all right? I told you.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58He always has been an arsehole.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Just because he saves children's lives does not mean
0:26:01 > 0:26:03he is not also an arsehole!
0:26:05 > 0:26:06HE SIGHS
0:26:08 > 0:26:10MOTORBIKE ENGINE REVS
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Oh, hello.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Let's go and check it out.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49I think it's a similar kind of lock up there.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Yeah, let's try the front door.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Oh, come on, Jack.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28(Hey. Hey, I want to put the bug in the base of the phone. OK?)
0:27:31 > 0:27:33(There's a laptop.)
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Oh, there's a USB stick in it.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37My God!
0:27:37 > 0:27:39This is all their flight receipts. Paris, Rotterdam...
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- God, I need a piss!- Hotel bookings...
0:27:43 > 0:27:45God, the whole of their last year's on here, Jack.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Should I take it? Jack!
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Jack?
0:27:54 > 0:27:57JACK GROANS
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Jack! Where are you?
0:28:00 > 0:28:03- TRICKLING - Jack?- Ssssh! Will you go away?!
0:28:03 > 0:28:07- My God, you cannot do that now. - It was the last blackcurrant I had!
0:28:08 > 0:28:11It's like being a detective with a six-year-old.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13MOTORBIKE PULLS UP OUTSIDE
0:28:13 > 0:28:14Shit!
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- It's him, he's here.- I've got to put the phone base back together!
0:28:20 > 0:28:21Have you got the bug in?
0:28:23 > 0:28:25- Oh, God.- God, hurry up Jack!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Shit.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31- Jack! Done?- Done!
0:28:43 > 0:28:45HE GROANS
0:29:13 > 0:29:16TELEVISION PLAYS LOUDLY
0:29:19 > 0:29:21HE MOUTHS
0:29:36 > 0:29:39TELEVISION CONTINUES TO PLAY LOUDLY
0:29:45 > 0:29:48SHE MOUTHS
0:30:11 > 0:30:12Come on, get in!
0:30:17 > 0:30:20I suppose you found that romantic.
0:30:20 > 0:30:21Huh?
0:30:21 > 0:30:24- You know what I did get?- What?
0:30:25 > 0:30:27Ta-dah!
0:30:28 > 0:30:32Please don't tell me you were stupid enough to steal that from the house.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34What? Yeah.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37This could hold proof of where they were on the day of the robbery.
0:30:37 > 0:30:41Yeah, but they will also instantly realise that it's missing,
0:30:41 > 0:30:44realise that someone's been in the house, that someone's on to them.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46No, they might not.
0:30:46 > 0:30:51Oh, God. Let's get it to Naz ASAP, before they realise it's missing.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53PHONE RINGS
0:30:54 > 0:30:57- Hello?- 'Beryl, hello!'
0:30:59 > 0:31:00Hello.
0:31:01 > 0:31:05- 'You there, Beryl?' - Yes. Hello, Mark.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07'Yeah, it's me. Where are you?'
0:31:07 > 0:31:10I'm in the car, hands-free, with my partner.
0:31:10 > 0:31:12LAUGHTER What do you want?
0:31:12 > 0:31:15'You've got your hands free with your partner?'
0:31:15 > 0:31:17Look, I'm working. What do you want?
0:31:17 > 0:31:19- 'Look, I need to ask you something.' - Yeah, go on.
0:31:19 > 0:31:22'No, no, no, in person. Where can I meet you today?'
0:31:22 > 0:31:25Er...
0:31:25 > 0:31:27- 'Hello?'- Um...
0:31:29 > 0:31:32HE CHUCKLES BITTERLY
0:31:35 > 0:31:37He sounded quite funny on the phone.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40Well, he's not funny. All right? He's not funny, he's just rude.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42Unlike you(!)
0:31:42 > 0:31:46And why is he always late? I mean, he said 1.30.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49- HE SIGHS I don't want to see him. - Then why did you agree to meet him?
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Because he's my brother and because he's getting married.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55Now you can ask him whether or not he wants that fancy bed
0:31:55 > 0:31:58- or a toilet brush for a present, eh? - THEY LAUGH
0:32:01 > 0:32:04Just, just don't be over-impressed, all right?
0:32:04 > 0:32:08Just because he's rich and saves children's lives.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11- I won't be.- Don't be taken in.
0:32:11 > 0:32:14Beneath that sensitive, successful exterior,
0:32:14 > 0:32:16he's actually a massive twat.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18Oh, hi, Mark. Hey.
0:32:18 > 0:32:22- So good to see you!- Yeah, yeah...
0:32:22 > 0:32:26Hey, listen, er, congratulations on the wedding.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29Thanks, matey, thanks. I hope you like Sadie.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31I'm sure you will. She can't wait to meet you.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33Er, sorry I'm late. Surgery overran.
0:32:33 > 0:32:36Difficult operation with a one-day-old child whose life
0:32:36 > 0:32:39- was a bit touch-and-go for twenty minutes.- Oh...
0:32:39 > 0:32:41Is this a friend of yours?
0:32:41 > 0:32:45Er, yeah, sorry. Let me introduce you. This is my partner, Georgina.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47- Hi.- Hello.- Hello.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50- You have to clear up my brother's cock-ups, do you?- Yeah!
0:32:50 > 0:32:52- THEY LAUGH - Yeah.
0:32:54 > 0:32:55Oh, hang on.
0:33:02 > 0:33:06- I'm sorry?- Can I just say, as a professional, that you have...
0:33:07 > 0:33:10..you have an imperfection that's fabulous,
0:33:10 > 0:33:13that makes your face incredibly beautiful.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16- Have I?- What imperfection? That's just her face.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19You have one ear lobe that's just ever so slightly longer
0:33:19 > 0:33:23than the other, and it breaks up an otherwise perfect symmetry. It's lovely.
0:33:23 > 0:33:27- I think I'm going to be sick. - Never let anyone tell you it needs correcting.- I won't.
0:33:27 > 0:33:29I see a lot of faces and...
0:33:29 > 0:33:32Yeah, you also see a lot of flabby tits and testicular tumours.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35- MARK SIGHS - Don't resent my private work, Beryl.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38I know it's ethically debatable, but it's going to give my lovely wife
0:33:38 > 0:33:40a very happy life.
0:33:40 > 0:33:45And I still manage to perform 2% of this country's paediatric spina bifida operations.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48- Wow.- Wow, amazing(!) Yeah. I save lives too, you know.
0:33:48 > 0:33:52Really? You've stopped being a policeman?
0:33:52 > 0:33:56OK, I'm not a policeman, all right. I'm a Detective Inspector.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58And what we do is very important.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01- Yes, yes. And dangerous as well. - It is dangerous, actually.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05- It's not so much dangerous... - No, no, no, sorry, sorry, it is very dangerous.
0:34:05 > 0:34:09Yeah, more dangerous than standing around in some antiseptic room
0:34:09 > 0:34:12counting your cheques while the nurse does the really hard work.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14Oh, shit. The secret's out(!)
0:34:14 > 0:34:17I'm just having a push, Beryl. Don't rise to it.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19OK, can you stop calling me Beryl?
0:34:19 > 0:34:22It's boring. And why are you here, you dickhead?
0:34:22 > 0:34:24What do you want?
0:34:29 > 0:34:32Will you be my best man?
0:34:33 > 0:34:36Oh, Jack!
0:34:39 > 0:34:41Why are we watching Mrs Poynter?
0:34:41 > 0:34:44Do you really think she might have done the robbery?
0:34:44 > 0:34:47And more importantly, what am I going to say in my best man speech?
0:34:47 > 0:34:49HE GROANS
0:34:49 > 0:34:52You'll be great. Everyone always loves the best man.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54You can lose the ring, shag a bridesmaid,
0:34:54 > 0:34:58turn up with Mark, naked and hungover. Everyone will still think you've done a great job.
0:34:58 > 0:34:59No, no, George, I can't do that.
0:34:59 > 0:35:04That'll just confirm what everybody's always thought about me, that I can't be trusted.
0:35:04 > 0:35:06If I do this, I've got to do it right.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11Oh, fuck's sake!
0:35:11 > 0:35:13- Never mind.- Stupid game!
0:35:13 > 0:35:16HE SIGHS
0:35:16 > 0:35:20You could always tell funny stories about growing up with Mark.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23You've got to be joking. You've no idea what it was like.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26Nothing I ever did was as good as Mark.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28"Ooh, Mark's learned to play the trumpet.
0:35:28 > 0:35:32"Look at Mark's watercolour of a bowl of fruit. Isn't it marvellous?
0:35:32 > 0:35:35"Mark's Captain of the football team - again!
0:35:35 > 0:35:38"Isn't Mark's girlfriend beautiful? Isn't Mark splendid?"
0:35:38 > 0:35:41Mark this, Mark that, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark.
0:35:41 > 0:35:42What I never heard was,
0:35:42 > 0:35:46"Oh, dear, Mark's hit Jack with a garden spade.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49"Mark has stolen all of Jack's Action Men.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51"Mark set fire to Jack's bed - again.
0:35:51 > 0:35:55"Mark is a psychotic little shit who should be put away!"
0:35:59 > 0:36:02Well, maybe just a few jokes, then. And thank the vicar.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05The only reason I was glad Mark was so clever
0:36:05 > 0:36:08was that it meant he fucked off to college sooner.
0:36:08 > 0:36:12All that's in the past though, Jack, isn't it?
0:36:12 > 0:36:14Come on.
0:36:15 > 0:36:18- Your ball's over there somewhere. - Oh...
0:36:18 > 0:36:20Yeah.
0:36:20 > 0:36:23I'll catch up with Pat Poynter.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33Right, can we go now?
0:36:34 > 0:36:38I don't think we've learned anything by following her all day.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41Except that she likes to play golf for four hours.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43This has been one of the worst days of my life.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46- MOBILE BEEPS - Oh, no!
0:36:46 > 0:36:49- What?- God, it's Paul, who I'm meeting next Tuesday night,
0:36:49 > 0:36:52wanting to rearrange for Thursday. But I can't do Thursday
0:36:52 > 0:36:55- cos I'm meeting Steve, who I met yesterday.- Right.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58I really do want to see Steve, so I don't want to rearrange.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01Paul's better looking, Steve's got a slightly distracting mole,
0:37:01 > 0:37:02but, you know, he's funny.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05And I still haven't found a night for Keith.
0:37:05 > 0:37:09I'm really struggling with the name Keith, though. I don't like it. It's very difficult, all this.
0:37:09 > 0:37:13Why don't you sort out your diary and see them all on one night?
0:37:15 > 0:37:17I've been through this.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20It was synched with one of the Mullan gangs' phones,
0:37:20 > 0:37:25- so it has all their contact info on it.- Idiots.- Mm-hm.
0:37:25 > 0:37:29A lot of low-level crime contacts that we're already aware of.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32But it did also have the phone numbers of all three
0:37:32 > 0:37:34of the Poynter's jewellery stores.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38Interesting. So do we have the phone records? Did the gang call in?
0:37:38 > 0:37:39No.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41It was the other way round.
0:37:41 > 0:37:46Someone has contacted Sean Mullan five times in the last two weeks from the Hampton store phone.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49- Maybe it was an insurance job after all.- You'd think.
0:37:49 > 0:37:54But I got the Ponyter's jewellery store accounts through Companies House.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57They have made a 50 grand profit in the last few years.
0:37:57 > 0:38:00There's no financial crisis they're trying to escape.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03This tells us that the Mullan gang knew somebody
0:38:03 > 0:38:05- at the Poynter's stores.- Mm.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08That's enough for me to bring someone in and squeeze their nuts.
0:38:08 > 0:38:13- Let's find out who's been phoning them.- Well, you guys had better bring some proper muscle with you.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15Cos this Mullan crew, they're the real deal.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17They'll be packing.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20At the drop of a hat, they will rock and roll.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23Do you know what I mean?
0:38:23 > 0:38:26# Swagger so cold, cold Swagger so cold
0:38:26 > 0:38:29# Swagger so cold, cold Swagger so cold
0:38:29 > 0:38:33# Swagger so cold, cold Swagger so cold
0:38:33 > 0:38:36# Swagger so cold, cold Swagger so cold
0:38:36 > 0:38:39# Swagger so cold, cold Swagger so cold
0:38:39 > 0:38:42# Swagger so cold, cold Swagger so cold
0:38:42 > 0:38:45# Swagger so cold Head to the toes
0:38:45 > 0:38:48# Swagger so, swagger so Swagger so cold
0:38:48 > 0:38:51# In my swagger mode Brand-new flow
0:38:51 > 0:38:55# Swagger so, swagger so Swagger so cold
0:38:55 > 0:38:58# Swagger so cold Head to the toe
0:38:58 > 0:39:02# Love the way I walk and the way I wear my clothes... #
0:39:09 > 0:39:10Post!
0:39:15 > 0:39:17KNOCKS ON DOOR Post!
0:39:19 > 0:39:22- Police. Can you step outside, please? - No, not now.
0:39:23 > 0:39:26- Yes, now. It's the police. - No shit. Not now.
0:39:29 > 0:39:33- Fuck off.- Hey, fella, what's happening?- We're going in!
0:39:33 > 0:39:37- Stop! Police!- Don't move! - Police!- Don't move!
0:39:37 > 0:39:39- Stay where you are!- Get off!
0:39:43 > 0:39:47Go, go, go! Move! Move!
0:39:47 > 0:39:49Stop!
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Let's go!
0:39:59 > 0:40:01Stop or I'll shoot!
0:40:06 > 0:40:07Son of a bitch!
0:40:07 > 0:40:10Sit down!
0:40:10 > 0:40:13Well done. You two are real heroes. I'm a cop.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16- You've just blown my cover. - There is no way you're a cop,
0:40:16 > 0:40:18- you got any proof?- He's undercover.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21Yeah, well, that's what he says. How do we know?
0:40:21 > 0:40:23He won't have ID, will he? If he's undercover.
0:40:23 > 0:40:25She's right. And I swear to God,
0:40:25 > 0:40:28if you two skid marks don't get me out of these cuffs right now,
0:40:28 > 0:40:32I'm going to rip both your arms out your sockets and spank your arse with them!
0:40:32 > 0:40:34That's fair enough. Fair enough.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Well, man...
0:40:37 > 0:40:40you are the best undercover cop that I have ever seen.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43You look like a real scumbag.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46Ten months I've spent earning their trust!
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Now yous turn up and they're gone!
0:40:49 > 0:40:53HE SNARLS AND BANGS ON WALL
0:40:54 > 0:40:59Erm, excuse me? Er, those tattoos, are they pretend ones?
0:40:59 > 0:41:01- Because...- They're real and they hurt
0:41:01 > 0:41:04and the only reason I got them done was to infiltrate the gang.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07That's one of a French prostitute in a beret.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09That's a Nazi Swastika.
0:41:09 > 0:41:12Do you think I like having them on me?
0:41:12 > 0:41:15I can't wait to name you two in the report.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18Would it be possible for you to tell us whether the gang
0:41:18 > 0:41:21robbed the Poynter's jewellery store on the third?
0:41:21 > 0:41:24Yeah, they did it. I'm the one who opened the safe.
0:41:24 > 0:41:25It was you?
0:41:25 > 0:41:28That's how I finally won their trust. It was an induction.
0:41:28 > 0:41:32- I passed!- And you already had the combination numbers?
0:41:32 > 0:41:35Yeah, it was an inside job. Sean gave me the numbers.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38- He's the one on the bike. - Do you know who the insider was?
0:41:38 > 0:41:42Sean talked to him. Called him The Owner. Which was probably a code.
0:41:42 > 0:41:45Maybe it was the owner? You hear any names?
0:41:47 > 0:41:51Do you know what happened to BZ47569032?
0:41:51 > 0:41:53The diamond.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55Sean took it to Rotterdam and sold it.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57I don't know what he did with the cash.
0:41:58 > 0:42:04Right. Hey, listen, erm, really sorry about, you know, messing up
0:42:04 > 0:42:08your undercover, er, tattoo...thing.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10Hey, but on the bright side,
0:42:10 > 0:42:12at least you can shave off that silly goatee!
0:42:12 > 0:42:14What's wrong with this? I've had this for years!
0:42:21 > 0:42:23There you go.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26- You haven't got a red? - Er, no, sorry.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29If I'd known you were coming I would have gone to, er, Fortnum's
0:42:29 > 0:42:31and got you a bottle of Chateau de Whatsit.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34- But, erm... I've got a beer, if you want it.- No, no.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37- It's fine, this is nice.- OK.
0:42:37 > 0:42:41I'm on-call anyway, so shouldn't have more than a couple of glasses.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43I'm so glad you're doing this, Beryl.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45Oh, no, listen, I'm really honoured.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48And, er, I was a bit surprised cos I haven't seen you in a while.
0:42:48 > 0:42:53- Are you sure?- That reminds me. If you want to bring someone, then do. Obviously.
0:42:53 > 0:42:55- Are you seeing anyone at the moment? - Er, no.
0:42:55 > 0:42:59No. What about that woman you work with that you fancy?
0:42:59 > 0:43:02- I don't fancy her, Mark. - Invite her if you want. I would.
0:43:02 > 0:43:05Er...no. I, er, I don't want to invite her.
0:43:05 > 0:43:09Great. Now I want to talk about umbrellas, in case it rains.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11- Can you get 100 for me?- 100? Wow.
0:43:11 > 0:43:14- BEEPER GOES OFF - Shit, that's the hospital.
0:43:16 > 0:43:20Some two-year-old's put their hands in boiling water.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23- HE SIGHS - I'd better go in.
0:43:29 > 0:43:31We'll pick this up again next week, yeah. Thanks, Beryl.
0:43:31 > 0:43:36- Better go save lives, yeah. Brollies, don't forget, bro! - Yeah, consider it done. Yeah.
0:43:47 > 0:43:52Well, if Mr tattooed, shouty, angry undercover cop man is right
0:43:52 > 0:43:55about the owner bringing in the job, it's got to be Ron, hasn't it?
0:43:55 > 0:43:59Or it could be Pat. But why would Ron or Pat want to steal from their own business
0:43:59 > 0:44:02and destroy something they've spent years building up?
0:44:09 > 0:44:12Are you sure he's in?
0:44:12 > 0:44:14He's definitely in.
0:44:19 > 0:44:22What's that?
0:44:22 > 0:44:24This chart is going to help me keep on top of my dating.
0:44:24 > 0:44:26Oh, yeah?
0:44:27 > 0:44:28Blue is for a first date.
0:44:28 > 0:44:31Blue with a tick is a first date that went well.
0:44:31 > 0:44:32Red indicates a second date.
0:44:32 > 0:44:36Red with a cross, second date didn't go so well, can cut him loose.
0:44:36 > 0:44:40Then we get into yellow for a third date. That's next month.
0:44:40 > 0:44:42I think I'm going to do fourth dates in purple.
0:44:42 > 0:44:45Do you know what's really annoying about this whole thing?
0:44:45 > 0:44:46Your stationery bill?
0:44:47 > 0:44:51There were two guys on the site that I liked the look of.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54So I nudged them. Said I liked their profiles.
0:44:54 > 0:44:56And neither of them have replied to me.
0:44:57 > 0:45:00OK, let me get this straight,
0:45:00 > 0:45:04you have 4,000 replies to your profile and you're pissed off
0:45:04 > 0:45:07because two men you nudged didn't get back to you?
0:45:14 > 0:45:16Yeah!
0:45:18 > 0:45:22Oh, hello. Who's this?
0:45:31 > 0:45:34Hey, Naz, can you run a number plate for me?
0:45:34 > 0:45:38Yeah, Lima, Mike, one, one, Yankee, Kilo, Romeo.
0:45:38 > 0:45:41(Hello!)
0:45:41 > 0:45:44Really?
0:45:44 > 0:45:46Interesting. Thanks, Naz.
0:45:46 > 0:45:49That's probably Abi de Hoyzen,
0:45:49 > 0:45:51because THAT is Abi de Hoyzen's car.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54- Thomas de Hoyzen's daughter?- Bingo.
0:45:54 > 0:45:56What's she doing here?
0:46:06 > 0:46:08Oh, shit!
0:46:15 > 0:46:17Are you sure they won't be able to see us?
0:46:17 > 0:46:21No, just keep your head down. It should be OK.
0:46:29 > 0:46:31Ruddy hell.
0:46:31 > 0:46:32Oi!
0:46:32 > 0:46:35Oh, no.
0:46:35 > 0:46:37What on earth are you doing?!
0:46:44 > 0:46:46You have absolutely no right to come here.
0:46:46 > 0:46:49You are a suspect in a violent robbery.
0:46:49 > 0:46:53Does Thomas know you're fondling his daughter on a Friday evening?
0:46:53 > 0:46:55- It's none of his business. - Leave it to me, Abi.
0:46:55 > 0:46:57Do you think he'd sell me diamonds if he did?
0:46:57 > 0:46:59Actually... I wouldn't put it past him.
0:46:59 > 0:47:02My relationship with Abigail has nothing to do with the crime
0:47:02 > 0:47:04you're investigating.
0:47:04 > 0:47:07Why don't you just leave us alone?! We haven't done anything wrong.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10Abi, leave it to me, will you? Go and wait in the kitchen, please.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15I've done nothing wrong. Nothing illegal.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17I think you can go now. Good night.
0:47:17 > 0:47:20- Does your wife know about this? - She does know, yes.
0:47:20 > 0:47:23But I've made her a very generous financial settlement
0:47:23 > 0:47:26with which she is very happy. Go and check with her.
0:47:26 > 0:47:29Now I really don't want to talk to you any more.
0:47:29 > 0:47:32- Got to get back to some buttock fondling?- Yeah. Good night.
0:47:34 > 0:47:36HE SOBS
0:47:38 > 0:47:41With my own daughter?!
0:47:42 > 0:47:43For years.
0:47:50 > 0:47:51Thanks for letting me do that.
0:47:51 > 0:47:54Hey, no, I enjoyed it. So what are you thinking?
0:47:54 > 0:47:58Who did it? Maybe we should talk to Joanna again?
0:47:58 > 0:48:01I mean, she said she hated running the business.
0:48:01 > 0:48:04Yeah, but I don't think she's got it in her to destroy Daddy's business.
0:48:04 > 0:48:06She's too under his spell.
0:48:06 > 0:48:10Yeah, she was a yoga teacher for God's sake. What about Ron?
0:48:10 > 0:48:13Maybe. Why? What's the motive? It's not like he needs the money.
0:48:13 > 0:48:17- Same goes for Joanna. - Josh? He needs the money.
0:48:17 > 0:48:19Yeah, but you met him.
0:48:19 > 0:48:21Unless that was the world's greatest hustle,
0:48:21 > 0:48:24I doubt he could organise his own breakfast, let alone this.
0:48:25 > 0:48:27Maybe it's not about money?
0:48:27 > 0:48:30I mean, you know, we're assuming it's about money
0:48:30 > 0:48:33because it was a diamond that was stolen.
0:48:33 > 0:48:34So what's it about, then?
0:48:34 > 0:48:39Well, why do people commit crimes? Money, ideology, or revenge.
0:48:39 > 0:48:43We've just discovered that Ron was having an affair for years.
0:48:43 > 0:48:47He says that Pat's cool about it. But maybe she isn't?
0:48:47 > 0:48:50But you were angry, weren't you, Pat?
0:48:50 > 0:48:53He'd given you a big fat cheque to pay for your silence.
0:48:53 > 0:48:56For keeping your divorce out of the courts.
0:48:56 > 0:48:58But inside you were in pain.
0:48:58 > 0:48:59And you yearned to pay him back.
0:48:59 > 0:49:01You'd given him 30 years of your life.
0:49:01 > 0:49:05But he broke your heart with that young girl.
0:49:05 > 0:49:08That is just ridiculous.
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Didn't he deserve to be punished?
0:49:10 > 0:49:13Didn't he deserve to lose his beloved business?
0:49:13 > 0:49:15I mean, wasn't that the best possible revenge?
0:49:15 > 0:49:18I don't know what you're talking about.
0:49:18 > 0:49:24Pat...if we were to look into it, would we discover that you
0:49:24 > 0:49:27were in the shop every time the gang were called?
0:49:30 > 0:49:34Yes, he does. He deserves to lose the business.
0:49:34 > 0:49:38I knew this would bankrupt him. The insurance is null and void
0:49:38 > 0:49:41and he wouldn't be able to pay back the cost of the diamond.
0:49:41 > 0:49:43- But that's not why I did it.- Mum?!
0:49:43 > 0:49:45Oh, he had countless affairs. I knew all about them.
0:49:45 > 0:49:47They never hurt me.
0:49:47 > 0:49:51But what did hurt me, darling, is what he's doing to you.
0:49:51 > 0:49:54He's ruining your life. I did it for you.
0:49:54 > 0:49:58- What?!- You hate running the business. It's killing you.
0:49:58 > 0:50:00But you never could say no to your father.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03This was my way to set you free.
0:50:03 > 0:50:08And yes, it was also my way to get my revenge on that lying,
0:50:08 > 0:50:10loveless bastard.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13How do you know the Mullan gang? They're hardly regulars around here.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15How do you know a robbery gang?
0:50:15 > 0:50:18Josh's pot dealer put me on to them.
0:50:18 > 0:50:22My only real regret, darling, is that we weren't a better example
0:50:22 > 0:50:26of what love and parenting can be.
0:50:27 > 0:50:28Well...
0:50:30 > 0:50:32Dessert, coffee?
0:50:32 > 0:50:34There's no pudding, Pat.
0:50:34 > 0:50:37You're under arrest for planning an armed robbery.
0:50:37 > 0:50:41As long as Joanna doesn't have to go back to the curse of those loveless shops,
0:50:41 > 0:50:43you can charge me with what you like.
0:51:22 > 0:51:23Round of golf?
0:51:25 > 0:51:26Kick your arse.
0:51:27 > 0:51:30I'll never forget the moment I met Sadie.
0:51:30 > 0:51:32When I was in Beirut last year I went to
0:51:32 > 0:51:35the Medecins Sans Frontieres party at the Zephirine hotel.
0:51:35 > 0:51:38They do a party once a year for surgeons who've helped them.
0:51:38 > 0:51:39You know, I don't normally go.
0:51:39 > 0:51:44I just prefer to do my one month of voluntary work and slip away.
0:51:44 > 0:51:47But for some reason, I went this year.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49What was it that made me go, I wonder?
0:51:50 > 0:51:53- Beirut is an incredible city. Have you been?- No. I'd love to go.
0:51:53 > 0:51:58You should go sometime. It's very beautiful, despite the bombings.
0:51:58 > 0:52:01And the war has given the place this...
0:52:01 > 0:52:04this incredible sexual tension.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07It's palpable. You feel it's a place where anything can happen.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09And the bar's on the roof of the hotel.
0:52:09 > 0:52:13And I remember, I bought a drink and I turned...
0:52:13 > 0:52:17and this extraordinary woman came out of the night towards me.
0:52:17 > 0:52:20And I knew, I just knew instantly that we'd be together for ever.
0:52:20 > 0:52:22Oh, my God!
0:52:22 > 0:52:24She came and stood at the bar. We started talking.
0:52:24 > 0:52:26I discovered she worked for the Red Cross.
0:52:26 > 0:52:30- And we ended up in bed that night. The rest is history.- Wow.
0:52:30 > 0:52:35Right, so you er, pulled a nurse at a conference? Great.
0:52:35 > 0:52:37How are you getting on with the jobs? DJ happy?
0:52:37 > 0:52:39You know when to go and pick up the ring?
0:52:39 > 0:52:41Yeah, everything's sorted. I should know.
0:52:41 > 0:52:45I've spent the last two days on the phone fixing everything for you.
0:52:45 > 0:52:50The only thing I don't know what to do with is your best man's speech.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53I mean, apart from calling you a knob jockey, of course.
0:52:53 > 0:52:57No, seriously, you're going to have to give me some numbers of mates
0:52:57 > 0:52:59- because I need some stories. - You're not serious?
0:52:59 > 0:53:01Yeah! I mean, what am I going to say?
0:53:01 > 0:53:02I haven't seen you for like...
0:53:02 > 0:53:05Mate, mate, you don't have to do a speech.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08My other best man will do that.
0:53:08 > 0:53:10What?
0:53:10 > 0:53:12My best mate Jimmy will do the speech, obviously.
0:53:12 > 0:53:16Shit, sorry, maybe I haven't been clear. I've got two best men - you and Jimmy.
0:53:18 > 0:53:19Oh.
0:53:22 > 0:53:24Right, OK. Er...
0:53:24 > 0:53:28And do you mind me asking where Jimmy is?
0:53:28 > 0:53:31Jimmy's on holiday in Thailand, so he can't organise anything.
0:53:31 > 0:53:32That's why I thought I'd ask you too.
0:53:32 > 0:53:34Plus Mum wanted you there.
0:53:34 > 0:53:40Right, OK, so, as usual, my job is just to follow you around,
0:53:40 > 0:53:42doing whatever you say.
0:53:43 > 0:53:46Oh, don't get all humpty about it, Beryl. I thought you'd be pleased!
0:53:46 > 0:53:50Don't call me Beryl! All right?!
0:53:50 > 0:53:53- Oh, come on, don't go and sulk in your room. I need...- Get off me!
0:53:57 > 0:54:00Shit. Beryl, what are you...
0:54:02 > 0:54:03Bitch!
0:54:06 > 0:54:10Hey, hold on guys, guys, what you, what you doing?
0:54:10 > 0:54:11Stop!
0:54:11 > 0:54:14If you don't stop, if you don't stop, I'll chuck you out!
0:54:14 > 0:54:15Stop it now!
0:54:15 > 0:54:17Right now!
0:54:17 > 0:54:20I don't want to be your best man! I quit.
0:54:20 > 0:54:22Fine. Don't be best man. See if I care.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24In fact, don't come! You're disinvited!
0:54:24 > 0:54:27You know what?! I don't want to come to your wedding.
0:54:27 > 0:54:29I don't want to come to your wedding and I hope it rains.
0:54:29 > 0:54:32- See if I care. - No, you see if I care.
0:54:32 > 0:54:33- No, you!- No, you!
0:54:33 > 0:54:34No, you!
0:54:34 > 0:54:35SHE WHISTLES
0:54:35 > 0:54:39Shut up, both of you! This is absolutely pathetic.
0:54:39 > 0:54:43Mark, it was unfair of you to ask Jack to be your best man without explaining the role properly.
0:54:43 > 0:54:46And unfair of you to ask him to do all your shitty jobs for you.
0:54:46 > 0:54:50- You are an arsehole, like he said. - Yeah!
0:54:50 > 0:54:53Jack, stop being so touchy and sensitive, and just be thankful
0:54:53 > 0:54:56for the fact that your brother has found somebody to love
0:54:56 > 0:54:59- and stop being envious of that. - That's right!
0:54:59 > 0:55:03Now, shake hands, go on. You're brothers, shake hands.
0:55:05 > 0:55:08All right, get out! Both of you.
0:55:08 > 0:55:11I'm charging you for this, both of you. Out! Out! Out!
0:55:11 > 0:55:14- He started it!- Yeah, yeah.
0:55:14 > 0:55:16I should go after him.
0:55:37 > 0:55:40Hey, how are things going with Speed of Love Direct?
0:55:40 > 0:55:43How many dates have you got this month?
0:55:43 > 0:55:47I've stopped doing it. Taken down my profile.
0:55:47 > 0:55:48Yeah? Why?
0:55:48 > 0:55:50I couldn't cope with the admin.
0:55:50 > 0:55:52Plus, I'm already lumbered with one annoying man.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55I didn't need a website giving me 5,000 more.
0:55:59 > 0:56:02Do you think I should go to my brother's wedding?
0:56:02 > 0:56:06Hmm. Of course you should. Your mum would love it.
0:56:06 > 0:56:09And so would Mark, although he won't show it.
0:56:09 > 0:56:14You want to come with me? As my plus one? I'd like that.
0:56:16 > 0:56:18I'd love to. Thank you.
0:56:18 > 0:56:20Great.
0:56:24 > 0:56:27I already asked Danielle, but she's away.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30There was nobody else, so, thanks, it really helps out.
0:56:30 > 0:56:31What?
0:56:31 > 0:56:34Hang on, if you want me to come with you, you have to ask me first.
0:56:34 > 0:56:36I'm not going to be your last-resort date.
0:56:36 > 0:56:39Oh, come on, don't be like that. Just pretend I asked you first.
0:56:39 > 0:56:41You dick!
0:56:41 > 0:56:45OK, sorry, look, it was, it was a joke, it was a bad joke.
0:56:45 > 0:56:49I'm asking you first, you're first. Definitely.
0:56:49 > 0:56:50I'm not coming now.
0:56:50 > 0:56:56Hey, you didn't think I was asking you in a romantic way, did you?
0:56:56 > 0:56:57No.
0:56:57 > 0:57:00Well, what's your problem, then?
0:57:00 > 0:57:03It's just a really horrible way to invite somebody.
0:57:03 > 0:57:05By telling them they're second choice.
0:57:05 > 0:57:07You're more like fifth, actually.
0:57:10 > 0:57:12I'm so fed up of working with you.
0:57:12 > 0:57:15- Yeah, well, why don't you apply for a transfer?- I might.
0:57:17 > 0:57:19Great. I'll help you fill in the forms.
0:57:19 > 0:57:23I'll even lie and give you a glowing reference.
0:57:23 > 0:57:26Come on, come to the wedding!
0:57:26 > 0:57:28Hey, Mark would love it if you go.
0:57:28 > 0:57:31I've already said, I'm not coming. Ask your sixth choice.
0:58:01 > 0:58:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd