0:00:30 > 0:00:33One, two, three, four, five...100. Coming, ready or not.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Ready or not, here I come.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37- Eh?- Eh? What's going on?
0:00:37 > 0:00:4016, 17, 99, 100. Coming, ready or not.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- Hang on. Who's hiding and who's seeking?- I'm seeking.
0:00:43 > 0:00:44- No, I'm seeking.- I'm seeking.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- I'm seeking.- I'm seeking.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48- I'm seeking.- I am seeking. - I'm seeking.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50- Coming, ready or not.- I'm hiding.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Hang on, hang on! Who's got the rules?
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Rules?! You don't need rules for "hide and seek".
0:00:55 > 0:00:57You clearly do. This is a shambles.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- I didn't think we needed them so I put them in the recycling. - HE CHUCKLES
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Look, it's simple. One person seeks and everybody else hides. Got it?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Don't shout at me or I'll shout at you.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09If you weren't shouting, I wouldn't be shouting.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11I'm only shouting because you were shouting.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15- Can we all stop shouting? - If everyone is going to start shouting, I'm off.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Hang on, I'm still hiding here.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Are we still playing or what?
0:01:19 > 0:01:20All right, chief?
0:01:20 > 0:01:24Word to the wise - it's tough round here so you've got to gain respect.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27It's all about how you present yourself. You've got to look tough.
0:01:27 > 0:01:32If people see me on the street, they know not to mess. I'm menacing.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35What you need is a proper, tough walk.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37SAMBA MUSIC PLAYS
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Be lucky.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41MUSIC RESUMES
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Be lucky.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45MUSIC RESUMES
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Be lucky.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49I can't believe it.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52At last, I'm a tree owner.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Who says there's no such thing as a genuine bargain any more?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56The estate agent was right.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00It's an absolute steal. 50k below the asking price.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Look at the views.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Massive garden, private, peaceful.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07< LOUD HONKING
0:02:11 > 0:02:13This didn't come up in the survey.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21IT RAPS: I can tell by the look in your eye, you wanna eat me
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Step up to me, baby You know you won't defeat me
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Pinch yourself, baby You know I'm like a dream
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Clam every mountain Bream the impossible bream
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I'm like James Bond You know, just like Prawn Connery
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Claws into you You're gonna wanna cala-"marry" me
0:02:35 > 0:02:37I'm crilling you, baby You need kelp
0:02:37 > 0:02:39See me swim, darling I'm like Michael Phelps
0:02:39 > 0:02:43That's why I'm urging For you to take me off your plate.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45I'm a 40lb flounder You know it's a big mistake
0:02:45 > 0:02:48You need a sturgeon So step back while I create
0:02:48 > 0:02:52A fisher prawn to stun your people That's what's make me great. Yo!
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Now, that's a bit annoying.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Tip-top, man.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I've been thinking, Arnold.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07- Good show, Alastair - keep the old brain box active. - Quite. I've been thinking.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- Now we're retired from the brigade...- Ah, the brigade.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Halcyon days - rifle cleaning, stand by your bed, ice-cold shower,
0:03:14 > 0:03:18nine-mile hike, rollicking from the Colonel, full English, side of kippers,
0:03:18 > 0:03:21pot of Assam, musket maintenance, nap, four-course lunch,
0:03:21 > 0:03:26partridge, sherry, round of rummy, polo, Martin Bernard Jules, nap, down at the mess for five for G&Ts.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30- That the life. - It's a wonderful place when there's no war on.- Hear, hear!
0:03:30 > 0:03:36I've been thinking. As we're retired and we're not getting any younger, we should consider finding wives.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Wives? They're women, Arnold.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Long hair, ribbons, doll's house, ponies, ballet, odd bumps, jewels,
0:03:42 > 0:03:45sewing, Florence Nightingale, matron, more jewels, nightdresses,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48rosewater, more jewels, high heels, no good in a trench.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Perry Fairfax has taken a wife and she knocks up a spiffing gin sling.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Fairfax? Frightful rascal.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55If he's got a wife, I want two.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57That's the life. Meh!
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Bleurgh!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- Bleurgh!- What are you doing, Adam? - Nothing.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Just standing here, minding my own business. Bleurgh!
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Then why are you flicking dust on me and doing that noise?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I don't know what you're talking about. I'm nowhere near you.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17- I can see you from the corner of my eye.- See what? I'm not - bleurgh! -
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- doing anything. You're imagining it. - You are! I can see you.- Bleurgh!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I don't know what you're on about.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- Bleurgh!- Ugh! You need to get a girlfriend or something.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- I'm nowhere near you. I'm over here. - Look, Adam,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32there are loads of girls over there. Go and talk to them.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35I'm actually really busy at the moment. Bleurgh!
0:04:35 > 0:04:39This is ridiculous! I'm going for a walk. Idiot.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- I'll come. Bleurgh!- Adam!
0:04:42 > 0:04:44It's not me, honest.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS Rock, rock, rock.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49- SPOOKY, DISEMBODIED VOICE:- Sid.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50What?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Sid.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55What? What? Who is it?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58This is the voice of your conscience, Sid.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00What? I ain't done nothing.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- Well, that's not true, is it?- What?
0:05:02 > 0:05:06You took a copy of High School Musical 3 out the video library, then said you lost it.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10Then you found it six months later under a bush and didn't take it back.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12I paid the fine, though. Leave me be.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Ah, gets him every time!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19How long ARE you?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22MUSIC: "Don't Make Me Wait Too Long" by Barry White
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Baby, it's really amazing what I go through without you.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28You know, sometimes I find myself counting.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- Counting the hours... - Ooh!
0:05:31 > 0:05:35The minutes, the seconds, the moments.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38# Darling, please
0:05:38 > 0:05:41# Don't make me wait too long. #
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- All right, Trev? - I'm all right, Bernie.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Here, gag for you.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Wife asked, "Shall we invite the mother down?"
0:05:48 > 0:05:51I said, "No, she's fine in the attic".
0:05:53 > 0:05:55THEY CHORTLE
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- In the attic!- You crack me up!
0:06:01 > 0:06:03There is an air bed up there.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS Rock, rock, rock,
0:06:07 > 0:06:10rock, rock, rock.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12I'm metal-mad, me. Evil.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16My name at school was Dark Destroyer because everyone was scared of me
0:06:16 > 0:06:19and I discovered the rock, the metal man,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22the music of the dark side. Now I've got loads of mates.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25They're all about the same age as me, they all look like me,
0:06:25 > 0:06:29they all dress like me, they all don't have a girlfriend like me.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33It's aces. We just hang out, listen to rock, scare everyone,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36just by looking different. I ain't never going to change for no-one.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41If you don't like how I dress, how I talk, that's your problem, not mine.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42I do what I want,
0:06:42 > 0:06:46I want. And if people don't like what I want, or what I do, they can...
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- HIGH-PITCHED FEMALE: - Roger! Your tea's ready.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Coming.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55How do you spell his name, then?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Who, Sean? It's er...
0:06:57 > 0:06:59S for smelly,
0:06:59 > 0:07:00E for eejit,
0:07:00 > 0:07:04A for annoying and N for numpty.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06- OK. What's he like? - Oh, he's charming, yeah.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08He's a lovely bloke.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Typical. I get pulled to one side by Customs before I've even
0:07:12 > 0:07:16got on t'plane just because I didn't say I packed my own bag.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18My wife packs my bag - that's what always happens.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- And now I'm subjected to this humiliation.- 'And spread.'
0:07:22 > 0:07:26It was a mistake, officer. SHE-EEE packed my bag.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28'Don't worry, sir, won't be long.'
0:07:28 > 0:07:33Have I still got t'chance to pick up some duty-FREE-EEE?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Hey, Keith, do that thing again where you fart through your head.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- No, I don't want to do it again. - Go on, mate, it's wicked.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41All right, then.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Mate, that was sick.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48You've done it again.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51I did it, I did it, I did it.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Have you been eating that tuna again?
0:07:53 > 0:07:57- Yeah.- I'm going up to the surface for some air. That's minging.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Right, that's me done for a year.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Off for a kip.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Len, I'm so glad I caught you before you bedded down for the winter.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Hello, Ross. Just going now.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11I'm going to miss you, big guy.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Come here.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Give us a hug.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16You take care, now. D'you hear me?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Don't worry about a thing. You have a lovely long sleep.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22All right, Ross. Easy now, mate.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Just go! Don't look back!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Where are you going, Len?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Is it something I've done?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Whatever it is I've done, I'm sorry.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38I know I'm a bit, but I'm really mates with his brother.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Just go, Len.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Just go.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44MUSIC: "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye
0:08:44 > 0:08:46# Baby
0:08:46 > 0:08:49# I got sick this morning
0:08:49 > 0:08:53# A sea was storming inside of me
0:08:53 > 0:08:56# Baby
0:08:56 > 0:08:59# I think I'm capsizing
0:08:59 > 0:09:02# The waves are rising and rising
0:09:02 > 0:09:05# And when I get that feeling
0:09:05 > 0:09:08# I want sexual healing
0:09:08 > 0:09:11# Sexual healing
0:09:11 > 0:09:13# It's good for me. #
0:09:16 > 0:09:22In the red corner, the Raging Rabbit of Ramses,
0:09:22 > 0:09:25the undisputed champion of the world,
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Diego "The Ears Of Armageddon" Hernandez.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32CHEERING
0:09:32 > 0:09:34And in the blue corner...
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- Ken.- Yeah, that's me.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38BOOING
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Sid.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- What?- Sid.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45What? What? Who's that?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- This is the voice of your conscience, Sid.- What?
0:09:48 > 0:09:52- I ain't done nothing.- Well, I wouldn't say that, Sid.- What?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Did you or did you not in February last year
0:09:54 > 0:09:58travel first-class when only had purchased a standard-class return?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01There was no seats in standard. AND I'd broken my ankle.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- It's still stealing, Sid.- No.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07Ah! He does need to be watched, old Branson.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09IT BEATBOXES
0:10:17 > 0:10:20SOUND OF PING-PONG BALLS CLATTERING
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Wow. You guys have got good.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- Yeah.- Practice, innit?- So fast!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- Pretty slick, yeah? - We're thinking of turning pro.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Can I play the winner of this game?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- SOUND OF BALL CLATTERING OFF TABLE - Ooh, I'm up.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Nah, best of three.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- So, how was school, son?- Ugh!
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- That's good. What did you have? - Aargh!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Triple maths? Blimey!
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- Learn anything interesting?- Ugh!
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Pythagoras' theorem? That's a bit advanced.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49- How was PE? Did you win at football? - Eurgh!
0:10:49 > 0:10:51- Mrs Millward made you do what?- Ugh!
0:10:51 > 0:10:56Made you play in your pants and vest just because you'd forgotten your shorts and polo shirt?
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Right, I'll have a word with her on the next parents' evening.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- Ugh!- I don't care if it makes you look sad, it's disgraceful.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Ugh!- All right, I'll forget it.- Ugh!
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- Your favourite - chicken kievs and potato wedges.- Ugh!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- Since when are you a vegetarian?- Ah!
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- Because Jessica Thomson is. Of course. I should have known.- Ugh!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Thanks very much.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23- Me now. - No, best of five, girl.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Seamus, Seamus, Seamus, look at this!
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- Look at my moves.- Very good, Finbar.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Sure, you're a great dancer.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36The eejit Flatley calls himself Lord of the Dance.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Makes me livid just to think of it.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Let it go, Finbar.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Sure, how can I?
0:11:42 > 0:11:43I'm tired. Take me home.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Interesting name.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51How does she spell that?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Sian? It's unusual.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56S for sour,
0:11:56 > 0:11:57I for ignorant,
0:11:57 > 0:12:00A for arrogant and N for no way, Jose.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04OK, so I take it you won't be seeing her again.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Au contraire, Terence. I think I'm in love with her.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10HE SNIFFS
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Ah!
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Someone's having a barbecue. Mmm!
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Oh, my word, that smells good.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Oh, yes. Sausages.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Oh, I'm going to get me a sausage.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29Eight years a vegetarian, the wife will kill me. She'll never know.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Oh, yes. Yes.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Oh, I'm going to get me a sausage.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Kenneth! Where are you going?
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Nowhere. Nowhere.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43- I was just thinking of getting some...tofu.- Good.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45HE GULPS
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- It's got to be me now. Howay, man. - Nah, it's best of 93, innit?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Right, you all know why you're here.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00I won't beat around the bush.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03This was a disaster. You lot are a shambles.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06You lost the task, lost me money and now,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08one of you will be fired.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Er, can I just say, Lord Sugar...
0:13:12 > 0:13:14No! I've heard enough from you.
0:13:14 > 0:13:19- You were in this boardroom last week, begging me to give you another chance. Correct?- Yes, Lord Sugar.
0:13:20 > 0:13:25- Now, I specifically asked Margaret...- Karren.- ..to keep an eye on you. Margaret...
0:13:25 > 0:13:28- It's Karren.- ..was not impressed. Margaret...- Karren.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32- ..is a good judge. When I met Margaret...- Karren!- I thought, "This Margaret can read people."
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- Sir Alan, I can't stand this. - Margaret, I am not Sir Alan.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- I am Lord Sugar.- Oh, good Lord!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Now, that is more like it, Margaret.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- ALARM RINGS - Penny, where's the getaway car?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- It's just up here. - How far?- A few miles.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47What? Why did you park up there?
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I didn't want to park on a double yellow, it's against the law.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52We just robbed a bank, you idiot!
0:13:52 > 0:13:55POLICE SIREN WAILS I know. I feel really bad about that.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- HELICOPTER PASSES OVERHEAD - Oh, yes, Karen.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01That'll be the unmistakable hum of the Sopworth Camel.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- SHE SIGHS - Oh, it's...
0:14:04 > 0:14:08powered by 110 horsepower, 9Z.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Absolute classic.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Every single weekend!
0:14:13 > 0:14:18- SINGS ALONG TO THE NOLANS: - # I'm in the mood for dancing
0:14:18 > 0:14:20# Romancing. #
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Oh, I can't wait for my party tonight.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Everybody going to love my new place.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27I thought they'd be here by now.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32It was supposed to start six hours ago. They'll be here shortly.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34# Oh, I'm dancing
0:14:34 > 0:14:37# Just move your beak, babe. #
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Tip top, man.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Well, I've done it, Alistair. Taken a wife.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Congratulations, Arnold. Is she ex-brigade?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Hardly! The brigade is no place to find a wife. Ah, the brigade -
0:14:51 > 0:14:55up at five, marching, cross-country run, cold shower, full English, eggy bread,
0:14:55 > 0:14:58a run around the parade ground, spot of lunch, guinea fowl, pipe, nap,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02musket maintenance, fencing, nine holes, back to the mess for G&Ts.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05- That's the life. - Maureen is the old girl's name.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08She's a nurse. Up at four, pacing the ward, vigorous bed bath,
0:15:08 > 0:15:13apply dressings, administering ointments, bowl of grapes and checking in the bot-bot.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18Vigorous bed bath, paper hats, little watch pinned onto her apron, swig of Calpol, vigorous bed bath.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20She sounds just the ticket. Pleasant bedside manner?
0:15:20 > 0:15:25Absolute battleaxe, but makes a Victoria sponge as light as a fairy's fart.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Tip top, man.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Karen, Karen, it's a Spitfire, love.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- Oh, have a listen to that.- Ugh!
0:15:33 > 0:15:38Rose Royce, Merlin, 45 supercharged V12 engine. What a beauty.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42I suppose it's better than his Morris dancing phase.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45MUSIC: "Africa" by Toto
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- SINGS ALONG: - # I hear the drums echoing tonight
0:15:50 > 0:15:57# But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
0:15:57 > 0:15:59# Ba-dow-bow-bow
0:15:59 > 0:16:02# She's coming in at 12.30 flight
0:16:02 > 0:16:08# Wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation... #
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Oh, this guy's great.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14I love this song. Go on, sing it.
0:16:14 > 0:16:21# Hoping to find some long-forgotten words or ancient melodies
0:16:21 > 0:16:26# He turned to me as if to say
0:16:26 > 0:16:28# Hurry, boy, it's waiting there for you... #
0:16:28 > 0:16:33- Brilliant! That's why I hang around with these guys.- Oh, these guys know how to party!
0:16:33 > 0:16:37ALL: # It's going to take a lot to drag me away from you
0:16:37 > 0:16:43# There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
0:16:43 > 0:16:48# I bless the rains down in Africa
0:16:48 > 0:16:52# Going to take some time to do the things we never have. #
0:16:57 > 0:17:02This is brilliant. I wonder if they're having this much fun down in India.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Hot, isn't it, Rajesh?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Nah, boring.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18# I bless the rains down in Africa
0:17:18 > 0:17:21# Gonna take some time to do the things we never have
0:17:24 > 0:17:27# Ba-dow-bow-bow. #
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Oh! They've put the burgers on now.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33One little one won't hurt.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35She won't have to know.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36I'm going to get one.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Kenneth! Kenneth!
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- What? I'm not having any meat.- What?
0:17:42 > 0:17:47- Nothing.- Your chickpea salad is starting to wilt!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Right, it's that time again.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56I've got a tough decision to make but one of you will be fired.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01I've consulted with my eyes and ears on the ground, Nick and Margaret.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02It's actually Karren.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06I'm talking now. Simon, you were project manager.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07Good project manager?
0:18:07 > 0:18:09THEY MURMUR
0:18:09 > 0:18:11No complaints.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15- That's not what Margaret says. - It's Karren. My name's Karren. - I won't tell you again.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18I am talking. OK, I've made up my mind.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Simon...
0:18:20 > 0:18:21with regret,
0:18:21 > 0:18:23you're tired.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Thank you, Lord Sugar. But you're making a big mistake.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Nick, I think Margaret might need the afternoon off.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- It's Karren! - She's acting a bit weird.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35Oh, Sheila, I've got to lose some weight soon.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Get away! You're just skin and bone, love.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41No, seriously, I've never been so humiliated in all my life.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Why, Sandra, what has happened?
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- You know I've booked that photographer to do mine and John's wedding?- Yeah.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51He's got to use a special sort of camera to make sure he fits us it all into the same shot.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54That's not that bad, Sandra.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- What sort of camera is it? - Google Earth.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59THEY CHUCKLE
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Yes, that is quite bad.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12And welcome to the 2010 World's Strongest Roo competition.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13Let's meet the competitors.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16From Australia, it's Chip "The Champ" Davey.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22I am ripped. Look at my pecs. I'm one big hunk of kangaroo goodness.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25I can't hold it much longer, come on, move on. Go to Hank.
0:19:25 > 0:19:30From Canada, it's Hank "The Tank" Templeton.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32OK, just relax, relax.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Hello, ladies. Tense!
0:19:35 > 0:19:39That's great. Biceps. Look at my guns.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41How was that? Was that good?
0:19:41 > 0:19:45And from Austria, Kurt "The Hurt" Urls.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I can be strong or I can be thoughtful.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52Yes, I have a great body but look into my eyes.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55I'm also incredibly deep.
0:19:55 > 0:20:00And from South Africa, Sean "The Brawn" Brown.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02So, I stretched leg up.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Stretch, stretch, stretch.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Blimey, that's good.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Oh, no, I forgot my pants. Forgot my little black pants.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11I'm an idiot.
0:20:11 > 0:20:16Coming up after the break, these kangaroos will lift things.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23So, he's the new boss then.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- Funny name. How's it spelt?- Guido.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29G for gormless,
0:20:29 > 0:20:31U for useless,
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I for insipid,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35D for donkey
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- and O for "Oh, give me strength". - Oh, right.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40So he's a lovely bloke, yeah?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43No. He is a proper plank.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45I can't stand him.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Seamus, Seamus. Look at this.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53- Heaven help us.- Seamus, it's the regal dance of the Cossack.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55As rich as a piece of Russian cultural life
0:20:55 > 0:20:59as the plays of Chekhov or the music of Prokofiev
0:20:59 > 0:21:02and master of the streets of St Petersburg by me.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Is it not exactly the same as your other dances?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11What?! Sure, look at my feet - it's totally different.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I pity you sometimes, Seamus.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16I'm wrecked. Take me home.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19Oh, Jane, they're outside again,
0:21:19 > 0:21:23hanging around, hogging our weeds like they own up the whole clearing.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Really, Roger, they're not doing anything. Don't get so stressed.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- Doesn't bother you?- No, Roger.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- Well, it bothers me. I'm going to have a word.- Fine.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33- I am.- Good, well go on then.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36I'm going. Hey, guys.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Hey. I was just sort of wondering, you know, if it's cool,
0:21:40 > 0:21:43if you could just leave a few weeds, er, or not.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47Mi casa, su casa and all that. That would be lovely, though.
0:21:47 > 0:21:52Yeah. Whatever works for you. Ciao. Nice to talk to you. Bye.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Well, I think we'll have no more trouble from that lot.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Really, Roger? What happened.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59I was like, "Get off my land." They were like, "No way, man."
0:21:59 > 0:22:03I said, "Don't push me, guys, I do tae kwon do." They were like, "No, we won't do it again."
0:22:03 > 0:22:06"I see you round here again, I'll not be responsible."
0:22:06 > 0:22:09They were like, "You taught us a lesson. Thanks." One of 'em cried.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- It's a lie, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14You didn't say any of those things, did you, pet?
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- No.- No. Would you like a cuddle?
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Yes, please.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Karen, Karen!
0:22:21 > 0:22:24It's only a Lancaster Bomber, love. Oh, pride of the fleet.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28The rivet work is a joy to behold.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31When he said he was going to show me the Great Plains,
0:22:31 > 0:22:33this isn't what I had in mind.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35You are ruining this holiday for me, love.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41HUMS ALONG TO INSTRUMENTAL SECTION OF "Africa" by Toto
0:22:52 > 0:22:58# Hurry, boy, it's waiting there for you
0:22:58 > 0:23:00# It's going to take... #
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Hey!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06I'm here. Thank God. You've come to rescue me.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07Thank you so much.
0:23:07 > 0:23:12I thought I was going to die out here. I've been stranded for 40 days all by myself.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Well, not ALL by myself - there were other goats in the party.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18But they went searching for help.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22I don't think you'll find them, so I wouldn't bother looking.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Just forget them. I didn't eat them, all right?
0:23:24 > 0:23:28It's not like that film, Alive, where the football team turn cannibals
0:23:28 > 0:23:31and even if I had eaten them, what's wrong with that?
0:23:31 > 0:23:32I was hungry.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36They might have tasted really good, but I didn't eat them, so there.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37HE BURPS LOUDLY
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Now I'm full. Not because I ate them, at all.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42No, no, I'm full on, er...air.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Hey, hey, don't leave me. I didn't eat them!
0:23:45 > 0:23:49All right. Fine, OK, I did eat them.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56Seamus, Seamus, I've just been to an all-night rave.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Oh, no, here we go.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00It was great. It took place in an abandoned warehouse.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02It was the best night of my life.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05The dancing was all new but I picked it up in no time. Look at me.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Big fish, little fish, cardboard box.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Big box, small box, cardboard fish.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13So, pretty much the same as all your other dances.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18Not at all, Seamus. Can you not see it's got boxes and fishes in it?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I'm battered. Take me home. I've been up all night.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- Sid.- What?
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Sid.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Oh, no, it's my conscience.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33This is your...conscience.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- I ain't done nothing.- That's not strictly true though, is it, Sid? - What?
0:24:37 > 0:24:42Last Thursday at 16.34, you stood in the ten items or less checkout. You clearly had more than ten items.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45No, it was two-for-one on French-bread pizzas.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49- I was only one over.- 11 is not ten though, is it? Selfish.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51- Oh, no.- A-ha!
0:24:51 > 0:24:54It is selfish, though - does my head right in.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Later tonight, a drama premiere
0:24:56 > 0:24:58in association with Gill-ett Mackerel 3,
0:24:58 > 0:25:00the best a fish can get.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02A disturbing new case for...
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Turnbull.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Look at this crime scene.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I must have missed something.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17There's fin prints everywhere.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20If only these grains of sand could talk.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23DCI Turnbull, Ken Lewis from the Mail.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25- Any closer to making an arrest? - Get lost!
0:25:25 > 0:25:29- Just a few questions.- You're contaminating the crime scene. - Have you identified a body?
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I've just told you, get lost.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33What don't you get?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36For the first time in history, a fish has drowned.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40And it's freaking everybody out.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Fire in the the hole.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48LAUGHTER
0:25:51 > 0:25:53- CHANTS:- My bubbles, your troubles.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Grow up, will you?
0:25:56 > 0:26:00- That's just wrong.- He's a legend.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05MUSIC: PAN PIPE VERSION OF "La Isla Bonita" by Madonna
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Tip top, man.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39So, now you've found nursey wife Maureen, I daresay a son will follow. Carry on the family name.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Kiddywinks. Boarding school, Alistair.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Up at six, bowl of porridge, few hymns, Latin, game of rugger,
0:26:45 > 0:26:49trigonometry, more rugger, come from Eton, debagging from the prefects,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52spotted dick, custard, more Latin, lights out, midnight feast.
0:26:52 > 0:26:57- That's the life. Surely it won't go to boarding school till he's about three.- Correct, Alastair.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00I understand the first years are up all night,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03goo-goo, ga-ga, milk, rusk, colourful mobile above a crib,
0:27:03 > 0:27:06soothing lullaby, goo-ga-ga, potty full,
0:27:06 > 0:27:10"Look, a puppy!", popper buttons on the undercarriage, nasty rash,
0:27:10 > 0:27:12"Hello, Daddy, I can talk now."
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Sounds a bit of a bore, old bean.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19I'll probably go on safari until he leaves for school so Maureen can concentrate on him.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21That's very good of you, Arnold.
0:27:21 > 0:27:26- Give and take, Alastair, the secret of a happy marriage.- Tip top, man.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Pele, Kaka, Kaka, Kaka,
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Kaka, Kaka...
0:27:33 > 0:27:34CHEERING
0:27:34 > 0:27:43Goaaaaaaaal!
0:27:43 > 0:27:48Braziiiiiil!
0:27:49 > 0:27:52MUSIC PLAYS
0:27:52 > 0:27:53Be lucky.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:09 > 0:28:12E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk