0:00:29 > 0:00:32Good evening and welcome to Watson and Oliver! I'm Ingrid Oliver.
0:00:32 > 0:00:33And I'm Lorna Watson.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35ALARM WAILS
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Oh, my God. What was that?
0:00:40 > 0:00:44- You got too close.- What?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Listen, Lorna, we've been spending a lot of time together recently.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48I just need some space, all right?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50I thought we were going through one of our good patches?
0:00:50 > 0:00:54We are, but I think it's good to get a bit of distance sometimes,
0:00:54 > 0:00:56which is why I've taken some measures.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- What kind of measures? - A restraining order.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02You've taken out a restraining order against me?
0:01:02 > 0:01:04No, it's not a big deal,
0:01:04 > 0:01:07you just have to stay five feet away from me at all times.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I think it's for the best.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- All right. If that's what you want. - It is.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18AUDIENCE: Aah!
0:01:20 > 0:01:25Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Watson and Oliver... No, no,
0:01:25 > 0:01:27that doesn't feel right. Who am I kidding?
0:01:27 > 0:01:30You're my double act partner. I need you by my side, where you belong.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I don't know.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Come here, you.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40All right. God, you had me worried there for a minute...
0:01:42 > 0:01:44That's not very nice, Ingrid.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Enjoy the show! APPLAUSE
0:01:54 > 0:01:5897, 98, 99, 100!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02All done?
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Yup. Helicopter helmet polished and ready for inspection.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Um, I was thinking of popping round to see Granny tomorrow,
0:02:11 > 0:02:13- if you're around? - Oh, I'll have to check the diary.
0:02:13 > 0:02:18- When were you thinking of doing it? - Um, let's see...
0:02:18 > 0:02:2108:00 hours, I'm doing a Search and Rescue demonstration
0:02:21 > 0:02:23for the Anglesey Cub Scouts.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Er, then I'm going to Cardiff to open a school
0:02:26 > 0:02:28for disadvantaged Welsh children.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Morning's no good for me, I'm afraid.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32I'm serving breakfast at a homeless shelter,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- and then I've got a charity brunch with Nelson Mandela.- Right.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40- I'm so nervous about meeting him. - Oh, don't be, he's such a great guy.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Get him, er, get him to do his Morgan Freeman impression.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- Cracks me up.- Oh, brilliant.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- Er, well, what about 4:00? - Oh, no, I can't.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- I'm meeting the Pope at 4:00. - Um, 4:30?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Perfect. It's going in the diary.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- Visit the Queen.- Visit Granny.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Sorry, hasn't quite sunk in yet! Visit Granny.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08Great. I'll let her know.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Should be a good day tomorrow, all in all.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Yeah, should be a really good day.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- Night, Wills.- Night, Kate.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24- Kate?- Yes, Wills?
0:03:24 > 0:03:26It won't be as good a day as our wedding day.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31BOTH: Our wedding day!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33- That was such a great day! - It was such a good day!
0:03:33 > 0:03:37Do you remember when I got out of the car and everyone was screaming and cheering,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40and I was like, "I hope I don't trip on my train and fall on my face,
0:03:40 > 0:03:42"that would be so embarrassing!"
0:03:42 > 0:03:44And do you remember when we were standing at the altar
0:03:44 > 0:03:47and I leant over to you and I was like, "Babe, you look beautiful"?
0:03:47 > 0:03:50And then everyone was like trying to lip-read what I was saying
0:03:50 > 0:03:53and I was like, "Guys, trying to have a private moment here!"
0:03:53 > 0:03:55In front of two billion people!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58And do you remember when you were like,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00"I, William Arthur Philip Louis do take you, Catherine..."?
0:04:00 > 0:04:04And I was like, "Louis?! You kept that one quiet!"
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Ha! Ha! And do you remember,
0:04:07 > 0:04:10do you remember when Harry wore that uniform that was clearly like,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13way too big for him? And everyone was wondering why it didn't fit properly,
0:04:13 > 0:04:17but he didn't care and was just being all like, "Whatevs."
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Classic Harry!
0:04:19 > 0:04:22And do you remember the next day, when the main story in the papers
0:04:22 > 0:04:24was about how amazing your sister's arse was?
0:04:31 > 0:04:32I'm not sure I do, William.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36But I tell you what, why don't you remind me?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Hmm? What?
0:04:38 > 0:04:43I said why don't you remind me how amazing my sister's bottom is?
0:04:44 > 0:04:49Um, is this one of those times when you say something,
0:04:49 > 0:04:51but actually, you mean the opposite?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- Goodnight, William.- Goodnight, Kate.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01One scrambled egg on toast, my darlin'!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Two sausage baps, darlin', one bacon on white, my darlin'!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Crispy bacon in the sarnie, if you can, my darlin'.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Crispy bacon in the sarnie, if you can, my darlin'!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- No problem, darlin'! - No problem, darlin'.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11- Service, darlin'!- Service, darlin'!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- Thanks, my darlin'.- Coming, darlin'! - Thanks, my darlin'!
0:05:14 > 0:05:15No problem, darlin'!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17No problem, darlin'. That's £2.85 change, my darlin'.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Thanks, my darlin'.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Thank you, my darlin'. Morning, darlin'. Yes, my darlin'?
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Oh, yes, hello. That was quick. Um, sorry, one moment.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33- Yes, my darlin'? - Right. Could I have please a...
0:05:33 > 0:05:35- Coffee, darlin'?- No.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36- Tea, my darlin'?- No, hang on.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Water, darlin'? Juice, my darlin'? Cup of herbal tea, my darlin'?
0:05:39 > 0:05:40No, could I please have a...
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Bacon sandwich, darlin'? Beans on toast, my darlin'?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Fried egg in a roll, my darlin'? Full English, darlin'?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Vegetarian English, darlin'? Bacon and egg on toast, my darlin'?
0:05:48 > 0:05:52No, I think I'll just get a sausage sandwich to go.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Please?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Darling?- One sausage sandwich to go, my darlin'!
0:06:03 > 0:06:05That's £1.85, darlin'. Sauce is on the side, my darlin'.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Thank you, darling.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11- Service, darlin'!- Service, darlin'! No problem, darlin'. - Coming, darlin'!
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Hello. I'm Keira Knightley,
0:06:20 > 0:06:22and I done a film.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Pouty face.
0:06:35 > 0:06:41# I dreamed I heard a nightingale
0:06:41 > 0:06:48# Who sang sweet song from yonder hill
0:06:48 > 0:06:55# My ears delight in wondering
0:06:55 > 0:06:58# My heart
0:06:58 > 0:07:05# Remembers still. #
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Bravo! Bravo! - Very good. Very good indeed!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10BOTH: Nah.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Miss Lavender, you play magnificently!
0:07:13 > 0:07:15I assure you my playing is, at best, adequate.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18BOTH: My playing is, at best, adequate.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19And you, Miss Honeywell...
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I beg of you, sir, to reserve your praise
0:07:21 > 0:07:23for one who is more deserving.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25You can be assured, Miss Honeywell,
0:07:25 > 0:07:30that there is none more deserving of my praise than you...
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- Do something!- Like what?
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Oh... Look at me!
0:07:38 > 0:07:43That is to say, Miss Rutherford and I also play a little.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Indeed?- Indeed.- Indeed.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- Indeed.- Indeed.- Indeed.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Very well, then, you must play for us.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Oh, we couldn't possibly! We couldn't!
0:07:56 > 0:07:57It would be too much.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Please do not ask us again, Mr Bridgewater.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Yes, please do not ask us again.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Very well, shall we move through to the...
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- Well, if you absolutely insist! - Yes, if we must!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Really, Mr Bridgewater, you are so very persuasive.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20# Look at me, look at me I'm going to sing a song
0:08:20 > 0:08:23# I'm going to sing a song I'm going to sing a song
0:08:23 > 0:08:25# I'm now singing a song I'm singing a song
0:08:25 > 0:08:28# Fa, fa, fa, fa, fa I am singing a song
0:08:28 > 0:08:31# Don't look at her, look at me-e-eee
0:08:31 > 0:08:33# Don't look at her Look at me, not she
0:08:33 > 0:08:36# Fa fa faaa, fa fa faa Fa fa fa fa fa fa faaa
0:08:36 > 0:08:38# Lucy!
0:08:38 > 0:08:41# And look at me I am fingering the keys
0:08:41 > 0:08:46# Fingering, fingering, fingering the keys with a tra la la laaa
0:08:46 > 0:08:49# La la la la I'm fingering the keys
0:08:49 > 0:08:51# Black or white It's all the same to me
0:08:51 > 0:08:54# Fingering, fingering, fingering the keys
0:08:54 > 0:08:55# Fingering, fingering, fingering
0:08:55 > 0:08:57# Fingering, fingering, fingering
0:08:57 > 0:08:59# Fingering, fingering, fingering
0:08:59 > 0:09:01# fingering, fingering, fingering
0:09:01 > 0:09:03# Fingering, fingering, fingering
0:09:03 > 0:09:05# Fingering the keys! #
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Ahem... Dinner is served.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26We are so in there!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Tell me something I don't know.
0:09:33 > 0:09:38Oh, Ruth, you haven't got a spare paper clip, have you?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41No, sorry, I've run out.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Holly, could you pass me the stapler, please?
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Oh, I'm sorry, Ruth, I'm using it.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Sorry, Ruth, can I borrow your...?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13My what, Holly? My hole punch? Hmm?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15My Post-its? My Tipp-Ex?
0:10:15 > 0:10:22I tell you what, why don't you just take it all, yeah?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24And while you're at it, why don't you take my boyfriend as well?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Oh, hang on a minute...
0:10:26 > 0:10:29YOU ALREADY HAVE!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Eurghhhh!
0:10:56 > 0:10:57NO!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Woah!
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Yah!
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Argh!
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Ugh!
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Agh!
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Ladies, when you've got a minute, could you email over
0:11:30 > 0:11:32the balance sheets for the last quarter?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- Of course, Simon.- No problem, Simon.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Ruth, could you pass me the accounts file, please?
0:11:58 > 0:12:01The Prime Minister.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Thank you, Mr Speaker.
0:12:03 > 0:12:08I am here today to urge this house to vote in favour
0:12:08 > 0:12:11of our National Health reform bill.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15The Department of Health has worked ceaselessly for the past few months
0:12:15 > 0:12:19to create a health package that will see shorter waiting lists,
0:12:19 > 0:12:22more beds for patients,
0:12:22 > 0:12:27more money invested in state-of-the-art medical equipment.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32But more importantly than all of this,
0:12:32 > 0:12:38we aim to give power back to those people who deserve it most.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Our tireless Health Workers.
0:12:40 > 0:12:45The GPs, nurses and doctors
0:12:45 > 0:12:49without whom the NHS simply would not and could not exist.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54I now give the floor to the Minister for Health,
0:12:54 > 0:12:56who will outline the bill in detail
0:12:56 > 0:13:01and take any questions you may have, before we put it to a final vote.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Jenkins!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Where are you going? You've got to read out the bill!
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Sorry, it's just, I was wondering if I could nip off a bit early?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16What?
0:13:16 > 0:13:20We've been working on this for months, you can't leave now!
0:13:20 > 0:13:23The thing is, Mr Crumbles is at the vets and they shut at 6:00, so...
0:13:23 > 0:13:25The vet's?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27What it is,
0:13:27 > 0:13:32is...he swallowed one of my driving gloves last week.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Not all of it came out the other end, so they're trying to,
0:13:36 > 0:13:39you know, extract it.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Jenkins, you have to stay and vote, or the bill may not be passed!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Mmm. Can we maybe do it tomorrow?
0:13:46 > 0:13:47No!
0:13:48 > 0:13:51It's summer recess tomorrow, we're all off for six weeks.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53If we don't do it now, it may never happen.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Mmm... The thing is, I did only have half an hour for lunch.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01What?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03It's technically supposed to be an hour.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06But with this kicking off, muggins here only got half an hour, so...
0:14:06 > 0:14:07You're not serious?
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Well, Dave had an hour. Didn't you, Dave?
0:14:10 > 0:14:15Anna had an hour, didn't you, Anna? I tell you what I'll do...
0:14:15 > 0:14:19I'll leave this with you, OK? It's all fairly straightforward.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23And if anyone asks, I'm a yes. OK?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25So good luck with it all, yeah?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29All right, then, see you later, then. Bye, then.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Bye-bye. Bye.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39Well, um, I, er...
0:14:39 > 0:14:44Sorry, I haven't finished the crossword. Bye-bye!
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Hands where I can see 'em, please, Jefferies.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Oh, no.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- Oh, no.- There she is.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- 'Ere she comes.- Off she goes.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- 'Ere I am.- Someone's off.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- There she is.- Don't you start.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- 'Ere she goes.- I don't believe it.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21'Ere it comes.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- 'Ello, trouble.- 'Ello, yourself. - What you up to, then?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26I'm waiting to open a bank account, ain't I?!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28That's funny, cos I don't see no bank round 'ere.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Well, maybe you need glasses.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- You saying I need glasses? - Maybe I am. Maybe I ain't.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- Oh.- Oh, dear.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42No, seriously, Pat, what are you up to? It's your birthday today, innit?
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Yeah, that's right.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I thought I might get a family visit, you know.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Yeah, right.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Ain't seen them for five years, so...
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Yeah. Of course.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Well, they're probably just running late or something.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Yeah. That's probably it.
0:15:59 > 0:16:05I tell you what, I could have a birthday chat with ya, if you like?
0:16:05 > 0:16:07To be honest, I could do with a chat myself.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11(I don't think that's a very good idea.)
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Yeah, well, I've got stuff I should be getting on with anyway, so...
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- Parole Board and that.- Yeah.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Well, have a good one, Pat.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Oh, er, I've cleared it with upstairs.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Oh, great. I love the Bee Gees.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Yeah, I remember you saying. Well, I'll see you later, Pat.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- Not if I see you first! - Oh, off she goes.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44- 'Ere it comes.- There she is.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- Off we go. - I'll believe that when I see it.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50- I'll bet you will. - Happy birthday, trouble.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Happy birthday, yourself.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Oh, dear. Cracks me up.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05I think you'll find the room more than agreeable.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07It's a superior suite for an honeymooning couple,
0:17:07 > 0:17:09such as yourselves.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12A very comfy bed, madam. And so is yours, sir.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14I don't have a finer room to give
0:17:14 > 0:17:17if the King himself were to stay, carrying his ermine knapsack
0:17:17 > 0:17:19and collection of ceremonial jockstraps with him.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22We have all the mod cons here at Lyndhurst Guest House,
0:17:22 > 0:17:25and we pride ourselves on the coldest showers this side of Ipswich.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Breakfast is served in the dining room at 6:15,
0:17:28 > 0:17:30with final rashers at 6:30 sharp,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33because I like to have the curtains down and steam-ironed by 9:00,
0:17:33 > 0:17:35or else I'll never get on with oiling the banisters.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38And as me mother used to say, "We ain't Welsh!"
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Now, before I let you retire,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I'll just need to see your 'proof of marriage statement'
0:17:42 > 0:17:44from the vicar, and the gentleman's Empire birth certificate,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47and a letter of consent from your Member of Parliament, Madam.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I don't suppose this newly-married lark is a ruse, but if it is,
0:17:50 > 0:17:54I should warn you, I won't have no unlawful conjugals under my roof!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Not even if the King himself burst into my quarters,
0:17:56 > 0:18:00his pert bare bottom cheeks sticking out from his ermine undergarments
0:18:00 > 0:18:02and demanding the sort of Brighton and Hove revelries
0:18:02 > 0:18:05you read about in any variety of penny dreadfuls!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08But hark at me going on, spoiling your special day.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11You go and enjoy yourselves, and remember,
0:18:11 > 0:18:14if you stain the sheets, I'll have you arrested.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Oh, hello. I'm Keira Knightley,
0:18:23 > 0:18:26and I done another film. Pouty face.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to let you in on a little secret.
0:18:33 > 0:18:39Erm, I'm actually a classically trained violinist.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41No doubt some of you have already heard me play.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45I do a lot of work at Glyndebourne, on the High Street there,
0:18:45 > 0:18:47just outside the Pound Shop.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Anyway, I...
0:18:53 > 0:18:55I... Right a bit.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- Left a bit. - You just said go right.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00I'd like to take this opportunity to play
0:19:00 > 0:19:03a piece of music by a great guy who I like to call Jo.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Or as you probably know him, Johann Sebastian Bach.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Just leave it, please. Leave it.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Please enjoy.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- And...- Delivery for Miss Watson?
0:19:21 > 0:19:27Oh, thank you very much, Mr Postman. Thank you.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- And...- Oh, these are lovely.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- Lorna, do you mind?- Sorry, carry on.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- And...- What a lovely man!
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- Right, go on, then! Who are they from?- Geoff.- Who's Geoff?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- My conductor.- What conductor?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43At the London Philharmonic.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- You play for the London Philharmonic Orchestra?- Lead Cello.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49We did a gig last night, so Geoff sent me these to say thank you.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51So you're quite good, then?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Grade Nine.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55I thought there were only eight grades.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Not when you get to my level.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00How did I not know this?
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- What?- This is brilliant news!- Is it?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06It's goodbye, Pound Shop, and hello, Royal Albert Hall.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- What do you mean?- Huddle up. Lorna!
0:20:10 > 0:20:16We should join forces and put together a sexy classical music act.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Yeah? Classical music's all about being sexy these days.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Catherine Jenkins, Myleene Klass, Paul Potts... All sexy.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26And if we can be sexier than them, we will make an absolute fortune.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Yeah? You in?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- Go on, then.- Good girl.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Ingrid, I'm not very good at doing sexy.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Well, I'm going to teach you everything I know about sexy,
0:20:42 > 0:20:44which is a whole lot. OK?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- Really?- Yeah.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51I don't suppose they do sexy at the London Philharmonic.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Well, you haven't seen Janet play glockenspiel.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58You haven't seen me play naked flute.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Good morning, Mr Handsome.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Good morning, Mr Handsome.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Good morning, Mr...
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Good morning, Mr Handsome.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Baps.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Your 9:00 has been rescheduled for Tuesday.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28You have a 10:00 meeting with Mr Langley,
0:21:28 > 0:21:31brunch is at the Meridien, Donald will meet you there,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33followed by a 3:00 pitch with Mr Hinkman,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37that's the toothpaste account. Oh, and your wife called...
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Let me guess, lipstick on my collar?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- Morning, Ted.- John.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- Baps.- I'll be right outside.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47- Thank you, Baps. - Can I get some fries with those?
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Hey, congratulations on the brassiere account, Ted.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55- You really came through for us. - Well, you know what they say?
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Don't sell the steak, sell the sizzle.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00I'll drink to that.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06HE BUZZES INTERCOM
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Baps, could you come in here, please?
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- Baps.- Move my meeting from 3:00 to 3:30, will you?
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Yes, Mr Handsome.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- Thank you, Baps. - I'll be right outside.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20If I had a hammer, I'd frame 'em.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31So how's married life treating you, John?
0:22:31 > 0:22:34It isn't. Can you believe that she wants a divorce?
0:22:34 > 0:22:35You know what they say...
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Men only hit what they aim at?
0:22:37 > 0:22:41- One man's meat is another man's poison.- I'll drink to that.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45HE BUZZES INTERCOM
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Baps, could you come in here, please?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- Baps.- Move my meeting from 3:30 to 4:00, will you?
0:22:53 > 0:22:57- Yes, Mr Handsome.- Thank you, Baps. - I'll be right outside.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59If I had a jet, I'd take 'em on holiday.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06So where are we at with the Hilton account?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09These are difficult times, Ted. The man's nervous.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- Why don't you let me talk to him? - I'll drink to that.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16HE BUZZES INTERCOM
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Baps, could you come in here, please?
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Baps.- Move my meeting from 4:00 to 4:30, will you?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- Yes, Mr Handsome.- Thank you, Baps. - I'll be right outside.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26If I squeeze 'em, do they make a noise?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Baps, could you come in here, please?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Baps.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- Thank you, Baps. - I'll be right outside.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Ahooa! Ahooa!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59HE BUZZES INTERCOM
0:23:59 > 0:24:01COUGHING
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Baps.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Baps.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13- SLAP! - Ow!
0:24:13 > 0:24:14- SLAP! - Ow!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- PUNCH! - Ow!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- I'll be right outside. - Thank you, Baps.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32Hello, I'm Keira Knightley, and I done an advert.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37And then I done another film.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Bloody hell, I just done another film, just then!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Double pout.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57CLASSICAL MUSIC
0:25:14 > 0:25:18- Oh! Just...- Oh! Ow!
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- I've broken my shoe.- Take it off.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45It's a pretty flammable dress.
0:25:51 > 0:25:57THEY PLAY: "Sex Bomb"
0:26:01 > 0:26:05I haven't got any wind! Can someone get me some...wind?
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Thank you.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14THEY PLAY: "I'm Too Sexy"
0:26:14 > 0:26:19No, Lorna, Lorna, sexy. Sexy, like this.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Lorna! Lorna! Too much! Too much.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Sorry.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37SHE PLAYS: "Just A Little"
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Your turn.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54SHE PLAYS: "EastEnders Theme Tune"
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Lorna, not sexy.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05THEY PLAY CLASSICAL MUSIC
0:27:35 > 0:27:37RIPPING
0:27:37 > 0:27:40APPLAUSE
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- Thank you. - Thank you so much.
0:27:45 > 0:27:50- How you feeling?- Yeah, I'm feeling pretty sexy, actually.- Told you.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Surely you will not say no to a nibble on my almond puffs?
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Ou sont les lapins?
0:27:56 > 0:27:58- I'm saying if your nails weren't so long...- Aah!
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Papa wants his snuggle cuddles! >
0:28:03 > 0:28:06What are you doing, Susan? What are you doing?
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Oh, it's from Barbara Broccoli.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Apparently, I'm down to the last two to play James Bond!
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd