0:00:21 > 0:00:23SPECTACULAR SHOW MUSIC
0:00:50 > 0:00:53APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:01:00Lorna, do you remember when I asked you to cancel the dancers?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Yes.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05As we wanted a more modern, sophisticated, opening to the show?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Yes.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11- You cancelled them, then?- Oh, yes.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- You made the call?- Yes.- Right.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- Might you be lying to me?- Yes.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Well, this is a good start.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21- I don't think it is, Ingrid. - Please stop talking.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Watson and Oliver.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- I'm Ingrid Oliver.- I'm Lorna Watson. - And this is our sketch show.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36I definitely cancelled THEM.
0:01:42 > 0:01:4497, 98, 99,
0:01:44 > 0:01:46100.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Wills,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52if you were to have your absolutely perfect day,
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- what day would that be, do you think?- Cor.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Well, that's a tricky one. Um...
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I'd start with breakfast in bed.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Oh, yum.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Then a visit to a factory...
0:02:07 > 0:02:11..perhaps one that makes helicopter parts.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15You'd get to see behind the scenes to see how the helicopter's made.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17- Oh, fun.- Yah. And then in the evening,
0:02:17 > 0:02:21I would definitely go and see an extremely long variety show
0:02:21 > 0:02:25because, just like Granny, I do like extremely long variety shows.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- That sounds lovely.- Yah.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30So, what would your perfect day be?
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Well, I think it would be fun to go to a polo match
0:02:32 > 0:02:35and support a very handsome man in one of the teams.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Oh, right. Who would that be?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39You, silly!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Oh! Derr!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45And then dinner out, I think.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Somewhere really posh
0:02:47 > 0:02:49like Pizza Express.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Or Giraffe.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55- Oh, what a lovely perfect day.- Yes.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Well, we can but dream.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- Night, Wills.- Oh, night, Kate.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Kate?
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Yes, Wills?
0:03:08 > 0:03:12It wouldn't be as perfect a day as our wedding day.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15BOTH: Our wedding day!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- That was such a great day! - It was such a good day!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Remember when we came out onto the balcony at Buckingham Palace
0:03:21 > 0:03:24and there was half a million people staring up at us
0:03:24 > 0:03:25and I was like, "Wow."
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Remember when I did the kiss but it wasn't long enough or something
0:03:28 > 0:03:31and everyone was like, "Do another kiss!"
0:03:31 > 0:03:34And we were really laughing, cos we were like, "Not again, guys!"
0:03:34 > 0:03:37But then I did another kiss and everyone cheered.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Remember that tiny bridesmaid on the balcony in front of us
0:03:40 > 0:03:42with her hands over her ears like she was bored,
0:03:42 > 0:03:46though she couldn't be bored cos it was the most amazing wedding in the world!
0:03:46 > 0:03:51Yah! Have a word! Remember when I drove you out of Buckingham Palace in Daddy's sports car
0:03:51 > 0:03:56and the crowd loved it cos it was like something out of James Bond, and though I didn't want to show it,
0:03:56 > 0:03:58I secretly felt a bit like James Bond.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00And remember when those planes did that formation
0:04:00 > 0:04:04over our heads, and all I could think to say was, "perfect formation,"
0:04:04 > 0:04:09which is really lame, but I was totes overwhelmed by the half a million people staring at me!
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Remember the next day, someone started a Facebook group
0:04:11 > 0:04:14called the Pippa Middleton Arse Appreciation Society
0:04:14 > 0:04:19and, like, 200,000 people signed up because her bottom looked so amazing in that dress?
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Although not as amazing as you looked in your dress.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Your dress was really long.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Lovely sleeves... - Goodnight, William.- Night, Kate.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- Customer, darlin. - Morning, darlin.- Morning, darlins.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Ready for service, darlin!- Thanks, darlin. What can I get you darlins?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- Two sausage baps, darlin. - Two sausage baps, darlin.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- Full English, darlin. - And chips, darlin.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- I refilled the ketchup, darlin. - Ketchup on the side, darlins. £4.80, darlins.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Keep the change, darlin. - Thanks, darlin.- No problem, darlin.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Two sausage baps, darlin, full English, darlin
0:05:07 > 0:05:11- and chips, darlin! - I refilled the brown sauce, darlin. - Brown sauce on the side, darlins.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15- Yes, darlin?- Ello, darlin.- What can I get, darlin?- What you got, darlin?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- Menu's there, darlin. - Up there, darlin?- Yes, darlin.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- I forgot me glasses, darlin. - What do you like, darlin?
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- I refilled the mustard, darlin. - Thanks, Cath darlin.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26We got full English darlin, vegetarian English darlin,
0:05:26 > 0:05:28bacon and egg darlin, sausage and egg darlin,
0:05:28 > 0:05:31sausage and bacon darlin, egg on its own darlin, fried egg darlin,
0:05:31 > 0:05:35scrambled egg darlin, boiled egg darlin, poached egg darlin,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38cheese omelette darlin, ham omelette darlin, mushroom omelette darlin,
0:05:38 > 0:05:42beans on toast darlin, bacon on toast darlin, cheese on toast darlin,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45toast with jam my darlin, toast with ham my darlin,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48ham, egg and chips darlin, ham, egg and beans darlin,
0:05:48 > 0:05:51ham, beans and chips darlin, chips, beans and bacon darlin,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55chip butty darlin, bacon butty darlin, egg butty darlin, sausage butty darlin,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Panini darlin, baguette darlin, wholemeal darlin, white darlin,
0:05:58 > 0:06:01ciabatta darlin, if you're that way inclined darlin
0:06:01 > 0:06:02but it's not a best seller darlin
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Service, darlin!- Service, darlin!
0:06:04 > 0:06:06And we got cornflakes.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I think I'll just have a cup of tea, darlin.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17Coming, darlin!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Hello, I'm Colin Firth,
0:06:22 > 0:06:23humble, humble,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25and I done a D'Arcy.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- Veggie burger?- Yup!
0:06:31 > 0:06:33The bus is late.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Yeah. It's really late.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Do you think we should walk?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Do YOU think we should walk?
0:06:40 > 0:06:44I mean, we could walk. But we could also wait here.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Yeah, it's like a part of me wants to walk.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49But another part of me wants to wait for the bus.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Totally.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57BOTH: Hey, Stefan!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Oh. Hey.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Are you waiting for the bus?
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Yeah.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Are you Crispin?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Yes.- We met you that time with Abby?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- That time when she lost her coat? - And then she started crying?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12And then we found it?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14And then we all went home?
0:07:14 > 0:07:15No, I don't remember.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Are you coming back to mine, then?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Yeah, all right. I'll call my mum.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25It was Abby Wainwright.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27As in blonde Abby?
0:07:27 > 0:07:28She's best friends with Jen?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- Not Jen with the ponytail. - The other Jen.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Her dad works in music.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- He's really important. - Do you know her?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37No.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39BOTH: She's really nice.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Hi, Mum, it's me.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Yeah, I'm going to Crispin's.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Yeah, I'll see you later.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47And you were with James.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49No, he was with Tom.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51What, Tom with the hair?
0:07:51 > 0:07:52No, Tom in Year 10.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- The one who knows Cassie? - You're thinking of Ben.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57The one who speaks French?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59No, the one with the freckles.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01The one who knows George?
0:08:01 > 0:08:02No, he's best friends with Harry.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- Harry who Claire likes? - No, Claire likes Tom.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I thought Claire likes Harry?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Yeah, she used to like Harry.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11But then she changed her mind. Now she likes Tom.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Really?
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Literally.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20That was our bus.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Yeah.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24That was so our bus.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Morning.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32BOTH: Hiya!
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Morning. Richard Hall to see David Lane.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Good morning. How can we help you?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I've got a 10am meeting with David Lane?
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I'm a bit late, actually. It's Richard Hall.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- Sign in, please.- Oh, right.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01So you'll ring up? Let him know I'm here?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- David Lane, was it?- Yes. David Lane.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13David Lane, David Lane, David Lane, David Lane, David Lane, David Lane,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- David Lane... - Oh! It's the one at the bottom.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17David Lane, David Lane, David Lane?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19David Lane, David Lane, David Lane...
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- 4029.- David Lane, David Lane...
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Oh! Here he is.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25David Lane.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Could you just try 4029 for me?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32If that's what you want.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54No! No answer. Sorry.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- I don't think you dialled the right extension number.- Yes, I did.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- No, I don't think you did. - Yes, she did.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01No, she didn't. I saw her.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- No, you didn't.- Yes, I did. - No, you didn't.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07I'm not criticising you personally, but you did dial the wrong number.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Are you saying I don't know how to dial an extension number?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14No, but maybe if your nails weren't so long...
0:10:15 > 0:10:17What's wrong with my nails?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Have you got a problem with her nails?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23My nails have got absolutely nothing to do with this.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26You're the one with the problem round here. Not her nails.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30I don't like your hair. You don't see me going on about it.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33But you go on about her nails. Why are you obsessed with her nails?
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- I suppose you want to know what they are?- No, I don't.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Number 397 Turquoise Tango by Chanel
0:10:39 > 0:10:41with a coat of Givenchy lacquer if you must know.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Both of which I can tell you are high quality nail products.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46You can't come in while I'm trying to do my job
0:10:46 > 0:10:48and go on about my nails like that.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Ah, there you are, Richard. I thought maybe you'd got lost?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- David, I'm sorry about this. - Quite all right, sir.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Everything all right, ladies? - BOTH: Hiya!
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Nice nails, by the way.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Er, shall we?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Well, thanks very much for noticing, David.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09What a gent.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16SHE WHISTLES
0:11:16 > 0:11:18There she is!
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Off we go!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Oh, no.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Oh, no.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Someone's off.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28Here she comes.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29There she is.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Here I am.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Here we go.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Here it comes.
0:11:38 > 0:11:39Morning Sunshine.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Don't you start.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- Who'll stop me?- Me, if I've anything to do with it.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- They all say that.- I hear different.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Same song, different tune.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48No skin off my nose.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- Don't mind if I do. - If you'll pardon me French.- Oh!
0:11:52 > 0:11:53Oh, dear.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56What you doing in here, Pat? Playing hide and seek?
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- That's right.- You're playing hide and seek, are you?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- I'm playing hide and seek. Are you? - There she goes.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Off I go.- Here it comes. - There she is.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08No, seriously, Pat, what are you doing in there?
0:12:08 > 0:12:11I tried to escape, didn't I?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16What, we not treating you right or something?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- Oh, here she goes. - Not to your usual standards, is it?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Room service could be better.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- Cheeky.- Tell me something I don't know.- Oh, she's off again.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- Here we go.- There she is.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- Here I am.- Off she goes.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Listen, Pat, I know it's tough in here
0:12:32 > 0:12:34but you know, it's not all bad, is it?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I ain't got no friends.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42What are you talking about? You've got...
0:12:42 > 0:12:43I'm...
0:12:44 > 0:12:46We have a laugh, don't we?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Yeah. Yeah...
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Well, I could pop by later if you like. We could have a chat.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Thing is, I'm not supposed to talk to anyone
0:12:55 > 0:12:56what with it being solitary and that.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Yeah, no, of course.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I might get in trouble.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Yeah, well, I'm pretty busy anyway, so er...
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Got my appraisals coming up next week so I'd better knuckle down.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Yeah. Yeah.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Well...thanks for opening the door for a bit.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18No problem, Pat.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Well, I'd better just...
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Yeah.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Close her up, then.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27In I go.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I'll see you later, trouble.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Not if I see you first.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Don't go changing!
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Missing you already!
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Oh...classic Pat.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Hello, I'm Colin Firth
0:13:51 > 0:13:54and I done a Mamma Mia.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Oh I'm so dreadfully sorry.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Humble, humble.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02PARLOUR MUSIC
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Right.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Whaddya doing, Susan? Whaddya doing?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11MACHINE BEEPS
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Good after... Good morn... Hello.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16This is Blakely Manor.
0:14:16 > 0:14:22Opening hours are Monday, sorry, Tuesday to Saturday, sorry, Sunday
0:14:22 > 0:14:25and admission is £4.60 for the house
0:14:25 > 0:14:27and £2 for the garden.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Children are, er...
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Children, children...
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Whaddya doing, Susan? Children,
0:14:36 > 0:14:38children, children, children, children, children!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44MACHINE BEEPS
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Hello. This is Blakely Manor.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49The museum is open Monday... sorry, Tuesday!
0:14:49 > 0:14:51It's Tuesday! Tuesday, Tuesday.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53It's Tuesday, Susan! Come on.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58MACHINE BEEPS
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Good morn... Hello.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01This is Blakely Manor.
0:15:01 > 0:15:06Opening hours are Monday, sorry, Tuesday to Sunday
0:15:06 > 0:15:08and admission is £2...
0:15:08 > 0:15:11sorry, £4, sorry, £4.60 for the house...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Garden! No, house! Oh...
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Whaddya doing, Susan? Whaddya doing?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26MACHINE BEEPS
0:15:28 > 0:15:30We're closed.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45I see you're adding to my guests' book, Miss Braithwaite.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48I do hope you passed an agreeable few days in our superior room.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52I like to put clean, respectable people at the front of the house.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53Not only is the vista so pleasant
0:15:53 > 0:15:57but with that picture window, I shouldn't want passers-by glancing up
0:15:57 > 0:16:00and seeing any untoward shenanigans taking place!
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Do you know, we had a young girl in there last week.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Slip of a thing she was. Seemed decent enough.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09She was spied breast feeding up there, from the street!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Bold as brass, in full view!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Ugh, giving suckle to the infant, if you please!
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Animal, it was, Miss Braithwaite, animal!
0:16:17 > 0:16:21I says to her, "What are you? Some sort of baboon?"
0:16:21 > 0:16:24I couldn't have been more shocked if the King himself came into the room,
0:16:24 > 0:16:29whipping his naked buttocks and singing Two Little Girls in Blue.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31So I sent young Sally to fetch the constable
0:16:31 > 0:16:32and do you know what he says?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34He says it's trivial.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Trivial, he says.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38She'll get five, maybe six months at the most
0:16:38 > 0:16:41and she'll probably spend all of that on parole.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43But I shall always remember you, Miss Braithwaite.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Your Bible readings about respect and tolerance of others
0:16:46 > 0:16:48always such a refreshing tonic.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51You should see some of the muck we get through these doors.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Some of the things I find in rooms once the guests have gone.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Racy literature of all sorts.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58"Comely Debutante Post",
0:16:58 > 0:17:00"Leg and Wrist",
0:17:00 > 0:17:02"Ankle Bone Fun"? Oh...
0:17:03 > 0:17:07I know who left them. They are banned for this life and the next
0:17:07 > 0:17:09but you, Miss Braithwaite, are welcome. Put it this way.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12If the King himself were a-hammering on my bedroom door,
0:17:12 > 0:17:15the contours of his pert bottom shimmering in the moonlight,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18I shouldn't let him in. But you are welcome!
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Goodbye!
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Thank you.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24DOOR CLOSES
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Boring old cow.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31This week on Who Do You Think We Think You Are?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33international pop star Enrique Iglesias
0:17:33 > 0:17:36is retracing his family roots.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43He begins his journey with an emotional reunion with his father,
0:17:43 > 0:17:47the world-famous singer Julio Iglesias,
0:17:47 > 0:17:49who he hasn't seen in over a decade.
0:17:52 > 0:17:57So, are you excited about seeing your father after such a long time?
0:17:57 > 0:17:58- Well, I....- Hello! Ola!
0:17:58 > 0:18:01I am Julio Iglesias. Ola, nice to meet you.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Ola! Sorry I am late.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06There was a stewardess at the airport that needed taking care of
0:18:06 > 0:18:08if you know what I mean.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11O-la! Who is thees?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15You are bery, bery beautiful
0:18:15 > 0:18:18and I want to make lub to you immediately.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19OK! Let's do thees!
0:18:23 > 0:18:24What happened to your mole?
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Oh, I had it removed in 2003.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Did you see his mole?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Me and his mother, we would laugh about his mole all the time,
0:18:31 > 0:18:33it was such a funny little mole.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Right, let's get started, shall we?
0:18:39 > 0:18:40So, what's it like
0:18:40 > 0:18:44having two such successful recording artists in one family?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- Well, sometimes... - I don't know about that.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49All I do know is that I, Julio Iglesias,
0:18:49 > 0:18:52am number one best-selling Spanish singer of all time.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Enrique, he has a little way to go before he reaches my level.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- You are only what?- Number two.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59There you go, you see,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02he is only the number two best-selling Spanish singer.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Yes, but number two is nearly number one, so...
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Yes, but it is not number one. I am number one. You are number two.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10- I know I am number two. - Number two is not number one.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- I know. Number two is number two. - Number one is number one
0:19:13 > 0:19:16so how can you be number one when you are number two?
0:19:16 > 0:19:19What was it like growing up with such a famous father?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- Well, some...- Let's put it this way, he never brought girlfriends home
0:19:23 > 0:19:25to meet me, if you know what I mean.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26He would sleep with them.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28I did not sleep with them!
0:19:28 > 0:19:30OK, so I slept with them.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34I am Julio Iglesias. I have slept with over 3,000 women.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- It's what I do. - What about my mother, huh?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38I slept with her too.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41She was number 1,248.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Good times.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Unbelievable.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- Que?- I used to want to be just like you, Papa.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52You cannot be just like me. I am unique.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54A one-off. I am Julio Iglesias.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56You know what?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58I don't think I want to be your son any more.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Can you stop filming, please?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Enrique! Wait! Por favor!
0:20:02 > 0:20:03It is still me.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06The father who held you when you were little
0:20:06 > 0:20:07and sang ballads into your face.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10I am done with all the women, OK?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12There, I said it.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14You, you are my son
0:20:14 > 0:20:17and I lub you bery, bery, bery much.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20I lub you too, Papa.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26RINGTONE: MEXICAN HAT DANCE
0:20:26 > 0:20:29It is Anna Kournikova, my fiancee.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Oh, you should speak with her, Papa.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Oh, I wouldn't know what to say.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Please, it would mean so much to me.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Ola, Anna Kournikova?
0:20:45 > 0:20:49No, Anna Kournikova. He is number two. I am number one.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51There is a bery, bery big difference.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56OK, so I see you later on in my villa in Valencia
0:20:56 > 0:20:59for some va-va boom. Adios!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Que?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- Oh, help!- Help!- Help!
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Oh, mercy! I have fallen!
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Woe is me! I too have fallen!
0:21:27 > 0:21:28- Oh!- Oh!- Oh!
0:21:31 > 0:21:32- Oh!- Oh!
0:21:32 > 0:21:36- Help us!- Help me! Oh!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- Oh!- Oh!
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Miss Rutherford? Miss Steeps?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Oh, Mr Bridgewater! Sir Thomas!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46How unexpected.
0:21:46 > 0:21:47I see you have fallen?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- Indeed.- Indeed.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50Indeed.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Indeed.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54We are such silly things, aren't we, Lucy?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Oh yes, so very silly!
0:21:56 > 0:21:57I wager we are quite simply
0:21:57 > 0:22:00the silliest sausages this side of Sissinghurst.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05THEY GIGGLE MANIACALLY
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Ooh!- Ooh!- Ooh!- Ooh...
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Are you hurt?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Mr Bridgewater, I fear I may have twisted my little lady ankle.
0:22:15 > 0:22:20And I fear that I too may have twisted my little lady ankle.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Perhaps if you would be so kind as to give us your most
0:22:22 > 0:22:25expert of opinions on the matter?
0:22:33 > 0:22:34Oh, Mr Bridgewater!
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Sir Thomas?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Well, that all seems fine to me.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Are you certain?
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Oh!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Get us out of here!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Well, we must away to London.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Good day to you both.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52- Oh!- Oh!
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Oh Catherine, what are we to do?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57We live some ten miles hence.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59I do not know, Lucy, I am sure.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Oh, would that there were some lodging close by
0:23:02 > 0:23:04in which we could seek shelter from this cursed storm.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Yes, would that there were somewhere close by.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Well...Coldwell Manor is but a mile down the road.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20You would be most welcome to rest there until you are recovered.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24- Mr Bridgewater! Sir Thomas, you are too kind!- Too kind!- Too, too kind!
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Oh!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Oh, Mr Bridgewater!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Ooh!
0:23:52 > 0:23:53Oh! Ooh!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Whoa. Whoa.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- Need a ride?- No, thank you, George.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04These gentlemen have kindly offered to es...
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Oh!- Oh!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09HORSE NEIGHS
0:24:11 > 0:24:13I tell you what.
0:24:13 > 0:24:14They want it.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Yes, well, they love the chase.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Hello, I'm Colin Firth
0:24:27 > 0:24:28and I done a King's Speech
0:24:28 > 0:24:31and I done a BAFTA and then I done an Oscar.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Pretty pleased with myself, actually. Humble, humble.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37GUITAR MUSIC: Not unlike "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Ooh, yeah.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48You will always be my hero.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52# Father when I look at you
0:24:52 > 0:24:56# I see the man I want to be
0:24:56 > 0:25:01# You still have all your own hair
0:25:01 > 0:25:05# Even though you're 73
0:25:05 > 0:25:09# When I was a little boy
0:25:09 > 0:25:13# I would cry at home with Mum
0:25:13 > 0:25:17# When you went away on tour
0:25:17 > 0:25:20# Did you miss your tiny son?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25# Not really, I was too busy
0:25:25 > 0:25:29# Dancing and making lub
0:25:29 > 0:25:33# Signing autographs on ladies' boobies
0:25:33 > 0:25:35# Hosting cocktail parties in my hot tub.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40# Playing Spanish guitar, eating paella
0:25:40 > 0:25:44# Sipping cava in the hotel bar
0:25:44 > 0:25:47# There's no time to think about your son
0:25:47 > 0:25:51# When you're numero o-one!
0:25:52 > 0:25:55# And Papa did you ever dream
0:25:55 > 0:26:00# That one day I would win awards
0:26:00 > 0:26:03# For my multi-lingual love songs
0:26:03 > 0:26:08# Using the same three basic chords
0:26:08 > 0:26:12# Have you listened to my albums?
0:26:12 > 0:26:16# Watched me sing on MTV?
0:26:16 > 0:26:19# Now I'm friends with Ricky Martin
0:26:19 > 0:26:23# Father, are you proud of me?
0:26:24 > 0:26:28# Not really, I've been too busy
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- # Titillating other people's wives - Loving all the ladies
0:26:32 > 0:26:35# Playing castanets on a private jet
0:26:35 > 0:26:39- # Eating tapas off a lady's thighs - Sexy ladies everywhere
0:26:39 > 0:26:41# Yes you've been on a roll
0:26:41 > 0:26:43# Since you got rid of your mole
0:26:43 > 0:26:47- # But you'll never be as sexy as I - So don't even try
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# All the ladies in the world agree
0:26:50 > 0:26:53# Julio is the Daddy!
0:26:55 > 0:27:00# Everybody in the world can see
0:27:00 > 0:27:04# Julio is the Daddy. #
0:27:07 > 0:27:08Te amo, Papa.
0:27:12 > 0:27:13Papa?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Que?
0:27:16 > 0:27:18END THEME MUSIC
0:27:18 > 0:27:22You're saying the mystery body found in the canal outside Uxbridge
0:27:22 > 0:27:24is the American singer Tina Turner?
0:27:24 > 0:27:26It certainly appears that way, inspector.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Eyes as wide as if the King himself had shimmied into the parlour
0:27:30 > 0:27:31wearing a pair of my bloomers
0:27:31 > 0:27:34and rubbing Chinese teak oil into his very own nipples.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Yee-agh!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Yah!
0:27:38 > 0:27:40I do declare we are such silly sillies
0:27:40 > 0:27:43that we should feel quite at home on the Isles of Scilly!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45We don't use the computers, Carol,
0:27:45 > 0:27:48because it's not safe for our nails.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Really?
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Balls, please!
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd