0:00:19 > 0:00:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:24 > 0:00:31Hello! Hello! Good evening.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Welcome to Watson & Oliver, ladies and gentlemen.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36I'm Ingrid Oliver.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Lorna? What's wrong?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42I want you to have this.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43Your favourite pot plant.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46I got some pretty bad news, so I'm giving away all my possessions.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- All right.- What's going on?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51- I'm dying, Ingrid!- What?
0:00:51 > 0:00:52I've got the plague. All right?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Apparently you don't recover from that. I looked it up on NHS Direct.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I didn't even know the plague was a thing anymore.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02No, neither did I.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05But what with my luck, I've gone and caught it.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Awful. You poor thing.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- It's the way they tell you.- Yeah? - Don't get me wrong,
0:01:09 > 0:01:13I really like my dentist but he was so matter-of-fact about it.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Your dentist?
0:01:16 > 0:01:20He said, "You've got really bad plague all in your mouth, and all around your upper teeth."
0:01:20 > 0:01:24And then he said, "Come back in two weeks."
0:01:24 > 0:01:26And I probably won't be alive in two weeks, will I?
0:01:26 > 0:01:30- He said plaque, Lorna.- What? - You've got plaque.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- Oh, so I'm not going to die then? - Not of plaque, no, no.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Well that's a relief.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Isn't it? Isn't it?
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Oh no... I gave away all my possessions to a donkey sanctuary.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46I'd better go and ask for it back now... Awkward.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Enjoy the show.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50APPLAUSE
0:01:54 > 0:01:57All stations, this is Tango One. I have eyeball.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Repeat, I have eyeball. Over.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Sorry, I...thought you were someone else.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25I've nearly got him. All stations on standby.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Sarah! Sarah!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Oh, no.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Sarah! Sarah! Why are you ignoring me?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Ah, no wonder you can't hear me.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38You've got your headphones in, silly!
0:02:40 > 0:02:44This is Tango One. Position compromised. Repeat, position compromised. Dammit!
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Right, now, just listen a minute, be honest.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I bought slippers for Jo, but they didn't have her size in her colour.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54So I've gone for the purple, even though she wanted red.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56She said tassels, I thought they were more important.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00But now I'm looking at them, I'm thinking I don't even know if she likes purple.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01- Liz.- Yeah?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- I'm at work. - In the park?
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Think about it.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- Were you following that man?- Mm-hmm! - Is he a baddy then?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Yes he is and when I'm at work, you don't know me.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Remember? You don't know who I am.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Why do I always forget you work for MI5?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Sshhh!
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Sorry.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Do you think I got the right slippers?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- Yeah, no, they're really nice actually.- Soft, aren't they?
0:03:27 > 0:03:28RADIO FIZZES INTO ACTION
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Oh, that's me. Better go.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32See you at Jo's on Saturday?
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Er, yeah, I'll see you there... Whoever you are(!)
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Sarah?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41What did I just say?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43That man you're looking for, he's up that tree.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Oh, right.
0:03:47 > 0:03:48GUNSHOT
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Thanks! Got him.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Righty-ho then, there's your key, Mr Cooper.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08It's a modern airy room with a sea view and a window that fully opens.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11The room's furnished with a high-backed chair and twill rug,
0:04:11 > 0:04:14a la mode, that I believe you'll find most agreeable.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I see you favour the Brylcreem, Mr Cooper.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Best stay away from my antimacassars unless you fancy paying a fine
0:04:21 > 0:04:24and I don't suppose you do, Mr Cooper, I don't suppose you do.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Now, I like my guests to be back at Lyndhurst by ten of a night time
0:04:28 > 0:04:31and not a second later mind, as that's when I put the chain on
0:04:31 > 0:04:34and I shouldn't be inclined to open the door if the King himself
0:04:34 > 0:04:37were a-hammering till dawn in a damp, clinging vest,
0:04:37 > 0:04:39and naked from the waist down.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42If you're a mucky pup, I should say, I won't have no lady friends on the premises
0:04:42 > 0:04:44after I've turned the lights down in the parlour.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47There were a Scotch fella here last Whitsun, caught him
0:04:47 > 0:04:49tip-toeing down the stairs with a lady of very loose virtue!
0:04:49 > 0:04:52He tried to claim she was his sister, so he did,
0:04:52 > 0:04:53but I knew different.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55I'd seen this brazen hussy before.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Excuse the language, Mr Cooper, but her drawers have been up and down
0:04:58 > 0:05:01more times than the King himself doing press-ups, shirtless,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05on Empire Day before a dawn ride on his best stallion!
0:05:05 > 0:05:08I waited for Caledonian to sit down to his bacon and eggs
0:05:08 > 0:05:10and then I sent young Sally to fetch the constable.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12"Run, pell mell!", says I.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15When the constable arrived, you should've seen
0:05:15 > 0:05:17the consternation on the Scotch fella's face!
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Eyes as wide as if the King himself had shimmied into the parlour
0:05:21 > 0:05:25wearing a pair of my bloomers and rubbing Chinese teak oil into his very own nipples.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29So, young McTavish was apprehended on the spot
0:05:29 > 0:05:31and sent to the Antipodes for seven years' hard labour.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35But here's the fun of it, Mr Cooper, when I arrived back at Lyndhurst,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38who should be helping himself to the Scotch fella's bacon?
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Why, the constable!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44A bit of levity for you there, Mr Cooper,
0:05:44 > 0:05:47but I believe I've made myself clear.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49No sluts, got it?!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Excuse me.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58Right, so are there any questions before we go through the agenda?
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Yes, Holly?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Actually, Simon, there was one thing.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05Where does the company stand on texting during a staff meeting?
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Well, we certainly wouldn't encourage it.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10That's what I thought.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- If there's nothing else... - Simon?- Yes.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Simon, I was wondering where does the company stand on
0:06:15 > 0:06:17staff members who carry around a packet of cigarettes
0:06:17 > 0:06:20everywhere so that it looks like they've just come back
0:06:20 > 0:06:22from a fag break when actually they've just been chatting
0:06:22 > 0:06:25with Maria on main reception about how Claire from accounts has
0:06:25 > 0:06:30let herself go since the twins, and if she doesn't stop stuffing her face she'll lose her husband?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35That's...quite specific.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Where does the company stand on staff stealing from the stationery cupboard
0:06:38 > 0:06:40so they can sell them at market on a Saturday?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42I...
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Speaking of stealing, Simon, where does the company stand
0:06:44 > 0:06:46on staff who steal their colleagues' boyfriends?
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Oh, that's right, I remember...
0:06:49 > 0:06:52He doesn't give a monkey's!
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Ladies, could we get back to the staff meeting?
0:08:14 > 0:08:15We do have quite a lot to get through.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Yes, Simon.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18No problem, Simon.
0:08:18 > 0:08:24Right, so...the first point of discussion on the agenda today is staff parking.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27As you are aware, there are limited spaces
0:08:27 > 0:08:28at the front of the building.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31And we've applied to the council to extend the car park
0:08:31 > 0:08:34all the way up to Latchmere Road.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Unfortunately, the person who deals with these requests...
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Are you ready to order?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Aye, pet. Um, I'll have the butternut squash risotto.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52OK. One butternut squash.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56So...got a war to go to?
0:08:56 > 0:08:57You what?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Oh, shine a light!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Hey, I'm Candy.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10And I'm April.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13BOTH: And we're Hugh Hefner's new girlfriends!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Yay!
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Today we're doing a photo shoot.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25It's for the front cover of the sports babe edition so...
0:09:25 > 0:09:26it's kind of a big deal.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Who wants to play a round of golf?
0:09:32 > 0:09:33How do I look?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Look at me and my bouncing boobs!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Oh, look what I found. Tit-tees.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Look what I can do!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54PHOTOGRAPHER: Beautiful!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59BUGGY HORN TOOTS
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Oh, Hef's coming.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06- Yay! Hef's here!- Love you, puffin! - Love you, puffin!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09HUGH: How are my two favourite golfing partners?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12BOTH: Ha-ha-ha, you're so funny, Hef!
0:10:12 > 0:10:18So which one of you two lucky ladies wants to help papa with his wood?
0:10:20 > 0:10:24Papa wants to practise his follow through.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29I'll see one of you in the club house for a hole in one!
0:10:33 > 0:10:38Right, well I did it after his asthma attack, so it's definitely your turn.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42No, cos I did it after his prostate replacement, so...
0:10:42 > 0:10:45But I did it after his triple bypass surgery, so...
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Well, I did it during his triple bypass surgery, so...
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Well, I did it when he was diagnosed with kidney failure
0:10:51 > 0:10:54and had to be hooked up to a dialysis machine, so...
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Well, I did it after his stroke when he lost all feeling in the
0:10:57 > 0:11:01left-hand side of his body and could only see out of one eye, so...
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Well, I can't do it because I promised to Skype a friend of mine
0:11:04 > 0:11:07who's fighting for our country in Afghanistan, so...
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Well, I can't do it either!
0:11:09 > 0:11:10Why not?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Because I have a head trauma!
0:11:13 > 0:11:15What?! No, you don't!
0:11:23 > 0:11:24CRASH
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Damn it!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Fore!
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Uh! Well, I'm passing out!
0:11:37 > 0:11:40No, Sergeant, we need results and we need them now.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I'll be back at the station in half an hour.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Right Clare, what have we got? I need to get an image out there, ASAP, alert the press.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Hopefully someone will recognise her. A husband, neighbour.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Yes, well, it wasn't easy piecing together the jaw from just
0:11:52 > 0:11:54those few bone fragments.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56The temporal line was damaged,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59the entire orbital plate was absent, as was any cartilage.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04However, I think I've managed to construct the face of the victim.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Tina Turner?
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Yes.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Sorry, you're saying the mystery body found in the canal
0:12:17 > 0:12:21just outside Uxbridge is the American singer, Tina Turner?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Well, it certainly appears that way, Inspector.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Clare. This...this is ridiculous.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Isn't it? I mean, what's she ever done to anyone?
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Is there a problem?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Well, yes, actually there is, Clare.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Firstly, I'd say it was doubtful that Ms Turner has spent any time
0:12:38 > 0:12:40in the Uxbridge area.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Secondly, and here's the clincher,
0:12:42 > 0:12:47I'm fairly certain that Tina Turner is still alive.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Well, you might want to check that.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52In fact, this wouldn't be the first time, would it?
0:12:52 > 0:12:53What do you mean?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Well. Those remains we found in Epping Forest last summer?
0:12:56 > 0:12:57Yes?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59According to your handiwork...
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Princess Anne.
0:13:02 > 0:13:07Look, I can only work with the materials provided, Inspector.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11If the bones do form the facial structure of the Princess Royal or indeed irreverent funny man,
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Billy Connolly, there's nothing I can do about it.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17I'm just saying, you're a tiny bit obsessed with celebrities
0:13:17 > 0:13:21and perhaps it's because you didn't get that job at Madame Tussauds.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got someone coming from Time Team
0:13:27 > 0:13:30at two, expecting a facial reconstruction
0:13:30 > 0:13:34of early Stone Age Man and I don't want to keep them waiting.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Heston Blumenthal?!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Good day, Inspector!
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Catherine, do you think we will get into Brigadier Burnham's biannual ball without invitations?
0:13:54 > 0:13:56We have to, Lucy.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Mr Bridgewater and Sir Thomas will be there...
0:13:58 > 0:14:00And they will be drunk.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Oh, good grief!
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Thank you.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Good evening, ladies. Might I see your invitations?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Oh, yes. Certainly you might.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14Oh, how odd. I seem to be momentarily dispossessed of my invitation... Lucy?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Unfortunately, Catherine, I too am without my invitation.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21Oh, I remember me now. I forgot it.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Aren't we silly things, Lucy? Forgetting to bring our invitations.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Oh yes, we are so silly.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31- So very silly.- The silliest of sillies, aren't we, Catherine?
0:14:31 > 0:14:36I do declare we are such silly sillies that we should feel quite at home on the Isles of Scilly!
0:14:46 > 0:14:48May I ask for your names?
0:14:48 > 0:14:53Our names? Oh yes, your list, your list of names.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Oh! Look yonder!
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Your names?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Lady Fortescue, my name is Lady Fortescue.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03Thank you. And yours?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Baron Friedrich von Gluckhausen.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Guten abend.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Ladies, may I ask you to step aside?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Oh, Mr Bridgewater?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- Sir Thomas? - Oh, Sir Thomas!
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Mr Bridgewater, it is me, Miss Steeps and Miss Rutherford.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25Mr Bridgewater!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Sir Thomas!
0:15:27 > 0:15:29- Mr Bridgewater! - Sir Thomas!
0:15:29 > 0:15:32MR BRIDGEWATER!
0:15:32 > 0:15:37SIR THOMAS!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Oh, they do not appear to hear us. Never mind.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Ladies, your names are not on the list
0:15:43 > 0:15:45so I shall have to insist that you take your leave.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Oh yes, quite right.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52With immediate effect.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Oh yes, off we go.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Goodbye.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Go away!
0:15:59 > 0:16:00All right.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Rude.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Plan B.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15- Help!- Help! Somebody help us!
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Good Lord!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19For God's sake, run.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24- Help!- Help!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Good morning.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32BOTH: Hiya.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37And this is obviously main reception. Waiting area for guests.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Toilets are over there. I think that's about it.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Morning, ladies.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42BOTH: Hiya.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46This is Jo. She's just joined the marketing team upstairs.
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Nice to meet you.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49BOTH: Hiya.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Oh, that must be the stationery order that no-one told me arrived.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55The phones have been playing up again, have they?
0:16:55 > 0:16:56That's right, Carol, they have.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Yes, of course they have.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Anyway, if you've got any admin queries just ask the girls here,
0:17:01 > 0:17:02I'm sure they'll be able to help.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Actually, Carol,
0:17:03 > 0:17:07we might be a bit too busy seeing as how this is main reception.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Oh, I'm sure you will be, Francine.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13I'm just saying if Jo has ever got any quick questions, you know.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- About what, Carol? - Well you know, admin questions. That kind of thing.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21As I said, Carol, it does get quite busy here on main reception.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Yes, of course it does.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27Which is presumably why you fail to carry out the jobs I give you which would make my life easier.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I'm just saying, if Jo has a question about the computers,
0:17:30 > 0:17:31I'm sure you wouldn't mind...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33We don't use computers, Carol.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Health and safety.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36What do you mean health and safety?
0:17:36 > 0:17:43We don't use the computers, Carol, because it's not safe for our nails.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45You don't keep nails in this kind of condition by tapping away
0:17:45 > 0:17:47at a computer every day, Carol.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49They'd get chipped, Carol!
0:17:49 > 0:17:50They'd be ruined, Carol.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54And if you've a problem with that, Carol, then that's your problem, Carol, all right?
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Jealous of our nails or something, Carol?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Or do you just hate nails in general, Carol? Is that it?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02As always, you've been incredibly helpful.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Jo, could you grab the stationery for me?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Certainly, Carol. Right then.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I'll just...grab this.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18So if I need anything, I'll ask and you'll do it. All right?
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Oh, my God, were those...?
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Banana bonanza.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Limited edition.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Only three bottles in existence.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Call the salon, tell them it's an emergency.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44No operations today then?
0:18:44 > 0:18:46What?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Oh, bum bags!
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Emma, this is Bob. He lives next door.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Oh, hi! I'm so glad you could make it.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Welcome to the neighbourhood.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Oh, thank you very much, you shouldn't have.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Emma, you've run out of ice.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Oh, Mel, this is...sorry, I didn't catch your name.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07- Bob.- Bob. This is Mel.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Nice to meet you, Bob. Ice?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Oh, yeah. Bottom freezer drawer.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13So, how are you settling in?
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Oh, yeah, good, you know.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18I've still a few boxes to unpack but everyone's been so friendly round here. It's great.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Can I tempt either of you to a sausage roll?
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Erm, Nick, this is...erm... Sorry, I've forgotten your name.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Bob. Nice to meet you.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Nice to meet you, Bob.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30So, Rob, how long have you lived here?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- It's Bob.- Of course it is, sorry.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Me and the wife have been here three years.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Oh, veterans then.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- Em, people want to know where to put coats?- Just pop them in my bedroom.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Oh, Tom, have you met my new neighbour?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44This is Bahhh...
0:19:44 > 0:19:46This is Behhhh...
0:19:46 > 0:19:48This is Brrrr...
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Bob. It's Bob.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Wow, that really isn't going in.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Nice to meet you, Bob.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Tom's a marine biologist. Now, are you all right for a drink, Babs?
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- Bob.- BOB! Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. You're name is Bob.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07My neighbour Bob. Got it! Sorry, I'm so rubbish with names.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11Right, Bob, let's introduce you to the rest of the party, shall we?
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Everyone, I'd like you to meet my new neighbour.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18This is Ali, Tim, Hannah, Charlie, Katie, Lucius, Leopold,
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Horatio, Heraldo, John-James, John-Jo, John-Ross,
0:20:21 > 0:20:25John-Thomas, Delicia, Daneka, Tameka, Tamara, Vladislav,
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Aristophanes, Thaddeus, Concepcion, Xerxes and Winston.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Everyone, this is...
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I want to say Boobs?
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Bob! It's Bob!
0:20:39 > 0:20:42You stupid, thoughtless, idiot woman!
0:20:42 > 0:20:46It's B.O.B. It's Bob!
0:20:49 > 0:20:52To be fair, it is a really unusual name.
0:20:54 > 0:21:02The great hall of the Capulets where Romeo first lays eyes on Juliet.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Moving along to where we last left off. Bea, could you be Tybalt?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08And, Fee, could you read Capulet?
0:21:10 > 0:21:16Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe. A villain that is hither come in spite.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19To scorn at our solemnity this night.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Young Romeo, is it?
0:21:21 > 0:21:22'Tis he, that villain, Romeo.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24OK. Let's hold it there.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Umm... So what does Tybalt think about the presence
0:21:27 > 0:21:30of a Montague in the house of Capulet? Bea?
0:21:30 > 0:21:31I don't know.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Well, think about it.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36I think he thinks it's nice.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Are you sure?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40He thinks it's really nice?
0:21:40 > 0:21:44What word did he just use to refer to Romeo?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Um...
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Anyone? Yes, Fee?
0:21:48 > 0:21:49Is it "nice"?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53No, he calls him a villain, doesn't he? "That villain, Romeo."
0:21:53 > 0:21:57So what does he think about Romeo being at the feast then?
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Bea?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00He doesn't think it's nice.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01That's right.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04In fact, he goes on to say, "When such a villain is a guest:
0:22:04 > 0:22:06"I'll not endure him."
0:22:06 > 0:22:08- BOTH:- Really?
0:22:10 > 0:22:15Good. So what does this tell us about Tybalt?
0:22:15 > 0:22:19What do we think of him? Hmm! Yes?
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Nice?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23No. Come on. Yes?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25- BOTH:- Not nice?
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Yes, but try using different words. Bea?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30The opposite of nice?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Yes and what's the opposite of nice? Fee?
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Not nice?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36- Yes, but give me another word for that.- Really?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Really what?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Really not nice.
0:22:40 > 0:22:47OK, let's try using some different adjectives. How about vociferous?
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Yes?
0:22:48 > 0:22:49What does that mean?
0:22:49 > 0:22:53It means...well, he's strident, isn't he? Yes?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55What does that mean?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58It means a quarrelsome character. Yes?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00What does that mean?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03He can't hide his disapproval, his hatred. He's brassy.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05What does that mean?
0:23:05 > 0:23:09- It means he's aggressive. He's got a temper. He's boisterous and argumentative.- What does that mean?
0:23:09 > 0:23:14It means he personifies hatred. He's proud and unchangeable.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Yes?
0:23:16 > 0:23:17- ALL:- What does that mean?
0:23:17 > 0:23:20It means he's not very nice, OK?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- ALL:- Really? Is he not very nice?
0:23:23 > 0:23:27No, he's really, really not very nice. OK?
0:23:27 > 0:23:29- ALL:- Totally.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31BELL RINGS
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Oh, thank God.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43PHONE RINGS
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Yes, Lord Sugar.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Lord Sugar will...
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Lord Sugar...
0:23:55 > 0:23:58I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I've forgotten my line.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59Cut!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01I know it. I'm so sorry.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03It's, "Lord Sugar will see you now."
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- Lord Sugar will see you now. - Yeah.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- Lord Sugar will see you now. - OK. We'll go again. Positions everyone, please.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Lord Sugar will see you now.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Action!
0:24:12 > 0:24:13PHONE RINGS
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Yes, Lord Sugar.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21You can all go on holiday.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Cut!
0:24:25 > 0:24:26What did I say? I'm so sorry.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28- Yeah. Going again. - What's my line again?
0:24:28 > 0:24:32- It's, "Lord Sugar will see you now." - Lord Sugar won't see you now.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34No, no, Lord Sugar WILL see you now.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Oh, Lord Sugar WILL see you now?
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Yeah. Got it?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Yes. Yes. That makes more sense.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Of course he will.
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Great.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Lord Sugar will see you now.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- Lord Sugar will see you now. - Action!
0:24:48 > 0:24:49PHONE RINGS
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Yes, Lord Sugar.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Two for a pound, lovely cabbages!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03How was that?
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Hiya.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Oh, hello.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13You, er, getting married today then, are you?
0:25:13 > 0:25:14What?
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Oh, my God! What time is it?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Five past two.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22Poo balls!
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- Your white wine, Miss Graf. - Danke.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Steffi?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Steffi Graf?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Boris. Boris Becker.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Yes, sir? What can I get for you?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Ein whisky, bitte. Mit eis.
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Very good, sir.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Boris, wie geht's?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Gut, gut danke, und dir?
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Danke, gut, ja.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55Und... Andre Agassi?
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Ja. Erm...ist mein mann.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Und du? Bist du noch mit...erm...mit...erm...mit...
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- Barbara.- Barbara!
0:26:08 > 0:26:13Nein, ich hatte sex in einem restaurant und ja,
0:26:13 > 0:26:14das war nicht so gut.
0:26:17 > 0:26:18Hast du babies?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Ja, ja, ich habe zwei babies.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Zwei babies.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Ja. Und du...babies?
0:26:23 > 0:26:24- Drei.- Drei?
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Zwei mit meiner ex, Barbara und dann
0:26:30 > 0:26:32hatte ich sex in einem restaurant...
0:26:34 > 0:26:37..ein, zwei...ja...drei in total.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38Ah, wunderbar.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Wow, Steffi deine muskeln!
0:26:42 > 0:26:47Ich mache cross training und pilates.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Und deine haare ist...so blonde.
0:26:50 > 0:26:51Boris, bitte.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55Und deine lippen, sie sind so gros und super sexy.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Boris, nein!
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Ach, komm, Steffi! Es war so gut.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Ich kann nicht!
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Agassi ist ein dummkopf!
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- Boris, schtop! - Aber ich liebe dich!
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Oh, Boris!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09MUSIC: "Wind Of Change" by Scorpions
0:27:21 > 0:27:25# Follow the Moskva
0:27:25 > 0:27:28# Down to Gorky Park
0:27:28 > 0:27:34# Listening to the wind of change
0:27:34 > 0:27:39# An August summer night
0:27:39 > 0:27:42# Soldiers passing by
0:27:42 > 0:27:48# Listening to the wind of change... #
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Boris...nein!
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Ich liebe Agassi.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Was? Aber...
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Auf wiedersehen, Boris.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Scheisse!
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Can I get you anything else, Mr Becker?
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Ja. New balls, please!
0:28:13 > 0:28:14PHONE RINGS
0:28:18 > 0:28:19Yes, Lord Sugar.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Lord Sugar will...
0:28:23 > 0:28:27SHE BARKS MADLY
0:28:27 > 0:28:28CUT!
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Woof. Woof.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Pat's told me all about you.
0:28:33 > 0:28:34Oh, has she now?
0:28:34 > 0:28:36This is just ridiculous.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38It's not ridiculous. This is our first child we're having.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40You have it then!
0:28:53 > 0:28:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd