0:00:27 > 0:00:31Good evening and welcome to Watson and Oliver. I'm Ingrid Oliver.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33I'm Lorna Watson.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35And this is our sketch show.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37What?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Anything you want to tell me?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41No.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43You've got a massive moustache.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47What? You're kidding! I only shaved half an hour ago.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52- You're taking steroids again, aren't you?- No.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59I can't believe you're back on the 'roids.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Look, it's not a big deal, yeah. I just needed a bit of testosterone
0:01:02 > 0:01:04to get me through the show, that's all.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06I'm not doing this again, Ingrid.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07I want out. I'm walking.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Listen, listen, all right, all right, I messed up, OK?
0:01:10 > 0:01:12I'm through with them now.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13That's what you always say
0:01:13 > 0:01:16and then you go and get off your face on the 'roids.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19It's different this time, yeah? Take them.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I'll throw them away.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Good.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I'm proud of you.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I'm proud of you.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Let's hug it out.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34BONES CRACK
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Ow!
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Enjoy the show.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57I need to get that file back on the...
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I can't stop. I'm going to see the chief.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03ENTRY SYSTEM BEEPS
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Damn it!
0:02:05 > 0:02:06ENTRY SYSTEM BEEPS
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Officer Brooks, Counter Terrorism. I need to see the chief.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16I'm sorry. You've not got clearance.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19I know I don't, but I need to see the chief now. It's urgent.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20We can't let you through.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24I wouldn't be trying to get clearance if it wasn't really important, would I?
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Do you want to let me through
0:02:26 > 0:02:29or lose your job because you didn't let me through? Hm?
0:02:30 > 0:02:32DOOR BUZZES
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Thank you.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Excuse me, you can't just... Wait!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Sir, I really need to speak to you.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42What the hell's going on?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45I'm sorry, Sir. She just barged in. I couldn't stop her.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- I'll take it from here.- Yes, Sir.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49This had better be good officer...?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Brooks, Sir. Counter Terrorism Unit. We met last week, Sir.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54On the first floor by the vending machine?
0:02:54 > 0:02:58You wanted a can but you didn't have change so I lent you some, remember?
0:02:58 > 0:02:59No, Officer Brookes, I do not remember.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I haven't got all day, so what's this about?
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Well, you owe me a pound, Sir.
0:03:03 > 0:03:04What?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06You owe me a pound, Sir.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10You've breached three levels of security to get into my office
0:03:10 > 0:03:12because I owe you a pound?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Yes, Sir. So have you got it or should I come back later?
0:03:14 > 0:03:15No, I haven't got it!
0:03:15 > 0:03:17All right. I'll come back later.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19No, you will not come back later.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20But you owe me a whole pound.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Yes I know I owe you a pound but as I said before,
0:03:23 > 0:03:25I haven't currently got it!
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Don't you shout at me, Sir.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29You're the one who's borrowed a pound without paying it back.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Right... Stephanie?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Yes, Sir?
0:03:33 > 0:03:35You know that pound I lent you for those biscuits?
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Well I need it back.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40Sorry, Sir, but I lent it to Martin yesterday for some stamps.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41But if it's urgent I could...
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Could you?- Yes, Sir. Martin?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- Hello?- You haven't got that pound I lent you yesterday?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Oh, um...
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Yeah, there you go.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Great. Thanks.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56- Oh, hey, Brooks.- Hi, Martin.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Sir.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Thank you.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03There you go. One pound.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Thank you, Sir.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Right, is everybody settled now?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Yeah. I think so. Yup.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Jolly good.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Actually, Brooks, um, you owe me a pound.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- Do I?- Cheese roll. Remember?
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Last Tuesday, at the pub, I had a cheese roll,
0:04:18 > 0:04:21you were hungry, so I bought you one.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Oh, yeah.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Yeah, yeah yeah.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Oh, very funny. Well, I know who these are from.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Guilty.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39These are going straight in the bin, mate!
0:04:39 > 0:04:40OK, who's next?
0:04:40 > 0:04:44The final two. We have Holly...
0:04:46 > 0:04:49..and Ruth.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Holly, open yours first!
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- What is it? - It's a can of weight loss drink.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59I just thought it might come in handy. I know how difficult
0:04:59 > 0:05:02it can be to shift the pounds once they start piling on.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05But I suppose that's the price you pay
0:05:05 > 0:05:07for being in a loving, fulfilled relationship.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11And when I say you, I mean me.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Ruth?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I just saw it and it screamed you!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26That's so thoughtful. I've been meaning to watch this for ages.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29This is the one about two girls who work in an office together
0:05:29 > 0:05:32and one of them has a boyfriend and the other one doesn't,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34so she steals the other one's boyfriend
0:05:34 > 0:05:36in an unbelievable act of betrayal, right?
0:05:36 > 0:05:40You know? Hang on a minute. That wasn't a film.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42THAT WAS YOU!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Ahhh!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I can't see!
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Ahhhh!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22SHE SCREAMS
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Aahhhhhh, the bells, the bells!
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Right, well, we've all had fun
0:07:16 > 0:07:19so everybody back to work please, OK?
0:07:19 > 0:07:23- Yes, Simon.- No problem, Simon.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39MUFFLED MOANING
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Oh, hello, Fiona.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Hello, Mr and Mrs Beckford. We've come to pick up...
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Bea! Fiona's here!
0:08:01 > 0:08:04It's so lovely of your parents to let Bea come on holiday with you.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Two whole weeks.- Two whole weeks.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- Hey, Fi.- Hey, Bea.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- I like your jelly shoes. - Do you like them?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Yeah, I really like them. They're really nice.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Right then, Bea, have you got everything?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22I think so.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Let's just make absolutely sure. We don't want you coming back
0:08:24 > 0:08:29- because you've forgotten something, do we?- No, we don't.- Bea, did you bring your straighteners?
0:08:29 > 0:08:33Yeah. I brought my pink ones and I also brought my other ones.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37- I really like the pink ones. - Do you like the pink ones?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I was thinking about your passport. Are you sure you've got it?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Do I have my passport?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- That's what we're asking you, yes. - I'm not sure.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Let's just have a quick look then, shall we?
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Sunglasses.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Oh, those are nice.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Really? Do you think they're nice?
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Yeah. They're really nice.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- I really like them.- Next.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- Bangles.- Oh, they're nice.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- They're nice, aren't they?- Yeah, they're really nice.- Focus, Bea.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Body spray.- That's nice.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- Coconut lip balm.- That's nice.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11Flamingo purse.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- Denim shorts.- Those are nice.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Straw hat.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19I like that.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20Flip flops.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Those are nice.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Hang on a minute. Is that...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27- Here it is! - THEY LAUGH
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- Well done, darling! - THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- Thank God!- Goodness!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Thanks so much for having her!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38We'll see you in two weeks then.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43OK, come on, darling. Bye! Come on, darling.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Fi?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Yes, Bea?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Why are your parents crying?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00How long since our last contact?
0:10:00 > 0:10:0248 minutes and counting, Sir.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05'Sir? Things are getting pretty tight up here.'
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Just hang on in there, boys. We're going to get you out of this mess.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- 'Sir?' - Yes, Captain?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14'If you get us home safe, the drinks are on me.'
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Copy that.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22Listen up, everyone, we've got a window of approximately 20 minutes
0:10:22 > 0:10:25to get these guys back on the ground, before their oxygen runs out.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30So, Cooper, could you work on the landing trajectory?
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Yes, Sir.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34And I want oxygen status reports every 60 seconds.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Yes, sir.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Jenkins, I need you to...
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Flight Marshall Jenkins? Is there a problem?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43I was wondering if I could nip off actually?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Pardon me?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Well, obviously I'd love to stay, what with the whole...
0:10:48 > 0:10:51MIMICS CRASH
0:10:51 > 0:10:54..but the thing is it has already gone 5.00.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57These guys are depending on us to get them home safely.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59We can't do that without you so...
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Well, it's just I do badminton on a Tuesday
0:11:01 > 0:11:03and I already missed last Tuesday
0:11:03 > 0:11:05because I had to take Cath to the hospital
0:11:05 > 0:11:08to have her waterworks seen to,
0:11:08 > 0:11:11so I tell you what, I could come in early tomorrow?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Sit down, Jenkins!
0:11:14 > 0:11:16How we doing here?
0:11:16 > 0:11:1817 minutes of oxygen left, Sir.
0:11:20 > 0:11:26Um... The thing is, I'm not sure if you're aware of this,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28but I did only have half an hour for lunch.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- And?- It's supposed to be an hour.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35We are a team and if we don't pull together, four men,
0:11:35 > 0:11:38four good men, will lose their lives.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Well, four badminton players will go without their post-match oranges
0:11:41 > 0:11:43if I don't make it to practice.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44I'm just saying.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47If you don't sit your ass back down right now, Jenkins,
0:11:47 > 0:11:50I will have you court-marshalled!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- I'll just go and...- Do it.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59'Houston?! Houston do you copy? She's breaking up!'
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Captain Miller! Can you hear me?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03It's...We can't...
0:12:03 > 0:12:05HE SCREAMS
0:12:05 > 0:12:06RADIO STATIC
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Miller? Miller!
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Oh dear, that's terrible, isn't that terrible?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Aaagh!
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Come on, darling, you can do it.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38- Push!- Push!
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Ow! Why does it hurt so much?
0:12:40 > 0:12:42- Come on.- Uuurrrgghhhh!
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Almost there. One final...
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- I can't do this. - Yes, you can. Come on, Michelle.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49No, I'm not doing it.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Come on, Michelle. You're nearly there.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54I said I'm not doing it.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Just one final push.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57It's never just one final push, is it?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00You said that five hours ago and yet here we are still.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- Michelle...- I've had enough. This is just ridiculous.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06It's not ridiculous. This is our first child!
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Well, you have it then. I'm going home.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Michelle!
0:13:10 > 0:13:15Seriously, Andrew it's really painful, and I mean REALLY painful.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17I've had enough. I'm going home. End of.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Listen, why don't we try some of those breathing exercises again, eh?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Give me the car keys.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26- No!- Fine!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- Professor.- Ah, Scott.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Is it ready?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Yes. Follow me.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51I had to make a few minor adjustments to the proximity sensors
0:13:51 > 0:13:56and thrust controls, but I think we're operational now. Ready?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02It's perfect.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06It will need to be. It's a dangerous world out there, Scott.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Now it's exactly as we discussed.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15The armour's carbon alloy, coated in dilobium polymer.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19It should flex at the joints, but be all but impervious to weaponry.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21A crystalline micro display behind the left eye
0:14:21 > 0:14:24will give a complete system profile, including damage report.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Now, power is routed through the...
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Ow!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30What's wrong?
0:14:30 > 0:14:33It's the boots, they're a little tight.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Oh, that's odd. They should be a perfect fit.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37They're a ten?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40A ten? No, I thought you said you were a nine.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42No, I'm a size nine in sneakers,
0:14:42 > 0:14:44but in boots and shoes I'm usually a ten.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Ten and a half sometimes.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Oh, right.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50OK. Well, will they stretch at all?
0:14:51 > 0:14:55Well, they're pretty soft metal.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56METAL CLANKS
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- They should give slightly over time. - Right, right.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- That's your toe there, is it? - Yeah, yeah.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Do you have them in a ten?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Er, no, it's just what you see here.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Could I maybe wear it with different boots?
0:15:12 > 0:15:14I think that might just look a bit odd.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Hey, jeez, listen to me going on
0:15:16 > 0:15:19and you've made me a unique crime fighting suit
0:15:19 > 0:15:21and here I am complaining about my tootsies!
0:15:21 > 0:15:23You might not even notice once you do the speech?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Do you want to do the speech?
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Sure. OK, why not.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Wherever there are wrongs, Alloy Man... Ow!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36..Alloy man will right them.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Wherever injustice rears its ugly head... Ow!
0:15:39 > 0:15:42God, they really pinch!
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Lights out!
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- LOUD THUD - I heard that, Simpson.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56'Ere we go.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Oi, Pat...it's me.
0:15:59 > 0:16:00I just wanted to say night night.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Night yourself.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Oh, no.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Oh, no.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- 'Ere it comes.- There's trouble. - Ere she goes.- Someone's off.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10There she is.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11Here I am.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Off she goes.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15- 'Ere it comes.- There she is. - Hang on a minute.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- Someone's off.- Who was that?
0:16:17 > 0:16:19- 'Ere it comes.- Off she goes.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Is that you, Pat?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- That depends.- Don't you start.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Right, that's it.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- Who are you?- It's me, Pat.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Yeah, I know that. Who's this joker?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- I'm Lou.- Mischief, more like.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Oh, she's good.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41It's nice to meet you, officer. Pat's told me all about you.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Oh, has she now? So, um, you new then?
0:16:44 > 0:16:45That's right.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Arrived today, and already me
0:16:47 > 0:16:49and Pat get on like a house on fire, don't we, Pat?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- Oh, yeah, yeah.- Funnily enough, that's why I'm in here.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Oh, there she goes.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58- Off I go.- 'Ere it comes. - Here it is. Yeah, it's funny really.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I already feel like I've known Pat for years.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Yeah. Course you do.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Best friend material this one.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Well, she's Pat, isn't she?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08That's right.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Well, I'd better...
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Yeah, yeah...
0:17:13 > 0:17:15I've got to finish my patrol and that so...
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Yeah, course.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I'll see you both later then.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Not if I see you first!
0:17:25 > 0:17:26That's what they all say!
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- Off we go! - Here it comes.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- There she is. - There she goes.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Fancy a nightcap, Pat?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Yeah, go on then.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37There she goes.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Alloy Man! Alloy Man!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50They're robbing the corner store!
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Ow, ow, ow!
0:17:53 > 0:17:55SHOES CLUNK
0:17:55 > 0:17:59Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Well, that has got me very angry.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Excuse me for a moment.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Gah!
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I'm sorry you had to see that.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I've just had some... Sorry.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21I've just had some very bad news.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Apparently, my application to light the Olympic flame
0:18:24 > 0:18:28has been rejected because, and I quote, "I'm not sporty enough."
0:18:28 > 0:18:30SHE LAUGHS
0:18:30 > 0:18:35But then neither is David Tennant so I don't see why he gets to do it.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38That man is literally the bane of my life.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Ingrid.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I've got the most incredible news.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45What are you wearing?
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Well, I got in, didn't I?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I got into the Team GB Luge team.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50The Luge Team?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- What are you doing?- I'm Luging.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59So, basically, this means that you and me, we can go to the Olympics.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02You can be my plus one.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Lorna, you do know that London is hosting the summer Olympics?
0:19:05 > 0:19:06Yeah, I know.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08And you also know that Luge is a winter sport?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- No, it isn't.- It really is.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Oh, no. I've been training for the wrong Olympics.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17It would appear so, wouldn't it?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20That's fine. It doesn't matter. It's all right.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I just need to pick a new sport,
0:19:22 > 0:19:25which is not a problem
0:19:25 > 0:19:27because I happen to be rather good at figure skating.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Thank you.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Yes, except that's also a winter sport, isn't it?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- Bobsleigh? - Again, a winter sport.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35You're kidding!
0:19:35 > 0:19:40Basically, if it's on ice or snow you're pretty much guaranteed it's going to be a winter sport, Lorna.
0:19:40 > 0:19:41Yeah, yeah, I understand.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45- Do you though? - Yes. Do I look like an idiot?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53No, our time's running out, Lorna.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56We have to find a new way of making our Olympic dream happen
0:19:56 > 0:19:58and luckily for you, I have an amazing back-up plan.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- Oh, yeah?- Huddle up.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06OK, I've got two words for you.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Olympic Opening... Three words... Olympic Opening Ceremony.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Keep talking.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15If we can create an Olympic Opening Ceremony under budget for, say...
0:20:17 > 0:20:19..£7.24,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22I have a feeling they'll have no choice but to give us the gig,
0:20:22 > 0:20:25which means that you and I will have the best seats in the house.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27SHE LAUGHS
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Oh, you're good.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Or I could always give Steve a call.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- Who's Steve?- He's head of hurdles.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39He coaches the hurdles team?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41No, he sets them out on the track before the race
0:20:41 > 0:20:43and when the race is over, he picks them up again
0:20:43 > 0:20:45and puts them in a kind of storage cupboard.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46He might need some help.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48OK, well as tempting as that is,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51let's stick with choreographing the Olympic Opening Ceremony for now, OK?
0:20:51 > 0:20:52All right then.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Can we maybe do a thing where a dog comes on,
0:20:57 > 0:20:59pulling a mouse on a tiny cart?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05No. And by the way, your nipples are showing.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Lucy, look, your papa is here. Parlaying with my papa.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Oh, yes. Catherine!
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Look who our parlaying papas are presently parlaying with!
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Whatever could they be talking about?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Well, Sir Thomas is wearing his lucky breeches
0:21:54 > 0:21:57so it must be a matter of great importance.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Oh, and do you see how they mark us?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Constantly throwing longing looks in our direction?
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Mr Bridgewater and Sir Thomas parlaying with our papas,
0:22:09 > 0:22:12pertaining to a matter of premium importance...
0:22:12 > 0:22:13You don't think?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18WEDDING BELLS CHIME
0:22:18 > 0:22:21THEY GIGGLE EXCITEDLY
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Papa, you did not tell me we were expecting company?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Ah, Catherine, Lucy.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Gentlemen, I believe you are acquainted with our daughters.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Indeed.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Indeed.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40- Indeed.- Indeed.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Well, to the matter at hand.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Sirs, we come to seek your permission.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Go on.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Sir Thomas and I have of late formed a certain attachment
0:22:51 > 0:22:54to two very special ladies.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55I see.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57And should their fathers agree,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59and we flatter ourselves that they will...
0:22:59 > 0:23:03an answer in the affirmative would render us the happiest men alive.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Well come on, man, ask the question.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09- Would you sirs...- Yes.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- ..do us the very great honour. - Mmmmm?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14- ..of allowing us...- Yes?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16- ..the use of the village hall... - Right?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19..on the very special occasion of our marriage to....
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Yes?
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Miss Honeywell...
0:23:22 > 0:23:23..and Miss Lavender.
0:23:24 > 0:23:29- GLASSES SHATTER - Ah, and here they come now. Mum's the word!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33THEY BOTH SCREAM
0:23:41 > 0:23:43THEY CONTINUE TO SCREAM
0:24:03 > 0:24:05May we be of assistance?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19My associate and I have just moved in to the village.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I believe we are to be neighbours.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Indeed.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Indeed.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- Indeed.- Indeed.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34'Ladies and gentlemen,
0:24:34 > 0:24:36'Watson and Oliver proudly present
0:24:36 > 0:24:41'the 2012 London Olympics Opening Ceremony.'
0:24:44 > 0:24:48# Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner
0:24:48 > 0:24:51# That I love London so
0:24:51 > 0:24:53# Maybe it's... #
0:24:53 > 0:24:57CLOCK CHIMES Oh, look. It's Big Ben.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Now, ladies and gentlemen, come with us...
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Elementary, my dear Watson!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13No, no, no, not yet.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Come with us on a journey as we introduce you to
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- some of London's most colourful... - Elementary, my dear...
0:25:19 > 0:25:20- No!- No, no.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24She's saying no!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26..some of London's most colourful characters.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Oh look, it's Baker Street's Sherlock Holmes.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Oh look, it's Oliver Twist.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38SONG: "Food Glorious Food"
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Hey there, little fella.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41There you go.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44That's all I've got.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Ow! You little...
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Oh look, it's the Labour MP for Lambeth North.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55THUNDER CLAP
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Oh, no, it looks like rain again.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59BOTH: Typical London.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02SONG: "Umbrella" by Rihanna
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Ingrid. I've dropped my umbrella. Ingrid.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- Get the rain.- I can't bend over.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Get the rain.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Eh! That's the rain, is it?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31It's all we could afford.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Oh, look, let's take shelter in that traditional London phone box!
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Ow! You're pushing me.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55'Ladies and gentlemen,
0:26:55 > 0:26:57'Team GB!'
0:27:00 > 0:27:03SONG: "Chariots Of Fire" by Vangelis
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- Oh hi, Steve.- Thanks, Steve.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34Right, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37The Olympic Cauldron.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Lorna, will you please fetch the Olympic Torch?
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Ladies and gentlemen, I will now attempt to light the Olympic Cauldron
0:27:59 > 0:28:03using this bow and arrow.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24- Really?- Yes!
0:28:28 > 0:28:31- The flame's gone out. - Relight it, please.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Has anyone got any matches?
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Oh, can you just hold that for me?
0:28:43 > 0:28:45It's all right!
0:28:45 > 0:28:46Crisis averted.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Oh, no. What happened there?
0:28:52 > 0:28:54You, Lorna. You're what happened there.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02Where are you going?
0:29:02 > 0:29:04I'm going to get off my face drunk, Lorna.
0:29:04 > 0:29:05Oh, can I come?
0:29:05 > 0:29:06Elementary, my dear Watson.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08BOTH: Too late!
0:29:23 > 0:29:26Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd