0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language
0:00:20 > 0:00:23One eventful night in 1996, comedy and rock & roll
0:00:23 > 0:00:26- had an ill-advised fumble... - Urgh!
0:00:26 > 0:00:28..with devastating effects.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32The resulting offspring would soon become famed for its acerbic wit,
0:00:32 > 0:00:34- musical know-how... - Yee-ow!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36- ..and celebrity...ish friends. - Whoo!
0:00:36 > 0:00:39It soon became known as Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Calm down, God. It's only a pop quiz.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Always the first in line to offer words of wisdom and compassion...
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Come on, bell-ends, do something.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51..this show became an oracle for the world of entertainment.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53I'm Simon Amstell, and if you think I'm a poor booking,
0:00:53 > 0:00:54let's meet tonight's guests.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57And when it comes to splits, spats...
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- See you later.- Why? We're having fun.- I ain't.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02..and guessing which member of a line-up used to be
0:01:02 > 0:01:07the drummer in some band you barely remember, Buzzcocks has seen it all.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10So join us as we stumble down Memory Lane
0:01:10 > 0:01:12and see a little bit of this...
0:01:12 > 0:01:14that and them.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18You are watching What A Load Of Buzzcocks, 2006.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22A year that saw the end of Top Of The Pops,
0:01:22 > 0:01:24as it went to a happier place.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27The show was instantly recognisable, with its range of hosts,
0:01:27 > 0:01:29over-excited audiences
0:01:29 > 0:01:32and curious usage of the word "live".
0:01:33 > 0:01:37# I see you looking at me Like I'm some kind of... #
0:01:37 > 0:01:432006 also saw Britney in trouble for two car-based misdemeanours.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Firstly, letting her baby take the wheel,
0:01:46 > 0:01:49and then for giving photographers a peek of her leathery interior.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Elsewhere, babies were rapidly becoming
0:01:52 > 0:01:54the celebrity accessory du jour.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Anybody who was anybody just had to be seen walking around with
0:01:57 > 0:02:03a cute miniature person, but as usual, someone took it too far.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06The decision by one of the world's biggest pop stars to adopt
0:02:06 > 0:02:08has generated some astonishing invective.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Her act isn't charity, but is selfish and repugnant.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14She retaliates by calling her critics,
0:02:14 > 0:02:15among other things, racists.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Madonna recently adopted a Malawian orphan, which she
0:02:18 > 0:02:20chose from a group of 12 contenders.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23The other 11 said it was just great to take part.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Madonna insisted on having her personal chef on board
0:02:27 > 0:02:30to prepare her a strictly macrobiotic meal.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33At one point, the chef was heard asking Madonna, "Mutton or lamb?"
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Though I think he already knew the answer.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40She booked a single ticket on the way out but added a child's ticket
0:02:40 > 0:02:43for the return, just in case she fancied a bit of retail therapy.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Over the years, Madonna has become
0:02:49 > 0:02:52a favourite topic of discussion on Buzzcocks.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54From Sex books to lesbian kisses,
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Madge has always given us plenty to talk about.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01And when she married Guy Ritchie and became an honorary Brit,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Buzzcocks embraced her as one of our own.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Despite the fact the nickname seems to have stuck,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09by all accounts Madonna hates being called Madge.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Even Guy Ritchie only calls her "the reason I live in a big house".
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Or if he's feeling romantic, "meal ticket".
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Madonna is a private person.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21We still haven't been allowed to see pictures of her wedding ceremony.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23The party, the dress or even the cake.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25The only tiny peek we have into her private world is that book
0:03:25 > 0:03:28full of pictures of her licking the nipples of Naomi Campbell
0:03:28 > 0:03:30and masturbating next to an elephant.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Truly, Madam, you are an enigma(!)
0:03:37 > 0:03:41In many ways, Buzzcocks' career mirrors that of Madonna's.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45As she constantly reinvented herself, so did Buzzcocks.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49But one thing never changed. Our respect for the Queen of Pop.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Madonna also does a lot of philanthropic work.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56She has dedicated endless hours and millions of dollars in her
0:03:56 > 0:04:00tireless fight against the seven visible signs of ageing.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05# Doo-doo, du-dum doo-dum-dum, du-dum
0:04:05 > 0:04:08# Doo-dum-dum, du-dum Doo-dum-dum, du-dum
0:04:08 > 0:04:12# Bow-now, now-now-now-now-now
0:04:12 > 0:04:15# Bow-now, now-now-now-now
0:04:15 > 0:04:18# Da-da-da-da, ba-ba-da-da
0:04:18 > 0:04:20# Ba-ba-ba-da-da... #
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Let's do the show right here!
0:04:21 > 0:04:24# Ba-da-ba-ba, ba-da-da-da
0:04:24 > 0:04:26# Ba-de-de, OK... #
0:04:26 > 0:04:28HORN PARPS
0:04:28 > 0:04:30# Da-da-ba-ba, look at me
0:04:30 > 0:04:33# And they can see the light
0:04:33 > 0:04:37# Cos we are living in a material world
0:04:37 > 0:04:39# And you are a material girl. #
0:04:39 > 0:04:41That is the right answer, of course!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44REAL VERSION: # Some boys kiss me Some boys hug me... #
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- "Some boys(!) - PHILL LAUGHS MANICALLY
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- Madonna's getting a kicking. I quite like Madonna.- Not a fan.- No?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57No, not a fan. She's just a lucky karaoke singer. So, erm...
0:05:01 > 0:05:03In the year that Tony Blair announced
0:05:03 > 0:05:07he'd be stepping down from power, Buzzcocks also lost its leader.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12After hosting a record 156 episodes, Mark Lamarr departed to
0:05:12 > 0:05:17pursue his dream of not presenting Never Mind The Buzzcocks ever again.
0:05:17 > 0:05:182006 saw Lamarr replaced
0:05:18 > 0:05:23by some of the country's finest reading and speaking talents,
0:05:23 > 0:05:25and the guy out of the Fun Lovin' Criminals.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28We also heard Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Justin has said that he often sings himself to sleep.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Now Justin, you're in bed with Cameron Diaz.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- Why the- BLEEP- do you want to go to sleep?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39I'd be awake for days on that ass.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Oh, I'm sorry.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- I think he feels very strongly about it.- It came from the heart.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- STAGE MANAGER:- Three, two, one!
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Justin has a large collection of candles and sports jerseys.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- Justin, you're going out with Cameron Diaz, put the- BLEEP- candles down!
0:06:03 > 0:06:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:08 > 0:06:09Next to take up the hot seat,
0:06:09 > 0:06:12long-term friend of the show, Jonathan Ross.
0:06:12 > 0:06:13For the remainder of this round,
0:06:13 > 0:06:15would it be all right if I called you J-Ro?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17J-Ro.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Or J-Wo, as I say.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23I've met J-Lo.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- Is it?- And it's, well, it's kind of nice, it's lovely, it's a nice shape.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I wouldn't have said, "That's a big arse."
0:06:28 > 0:06:33I've stood behind some big arses in various show business canteens.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36One half of Feltz's arse would make up all of J-Lo!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40If J-Lo was moving backwards, say, in a corridor situation,
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- does she go...? - MAKES HONKING NOISE
0:06:44 > 0:06:48No, but that is the noise that Stephen Hawking makes when he laughs.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- Do you like a larger lady, Tom? - Erm, I'm not fussy.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- You're just a young man, really. You're 20.- Yeah.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04You probably haven't sampled all the fruits that life has to offer.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Eh, Alan? But...
0:07:10 > 0:07:13May I suggest that while you're looking up
0:07:13 > 0:07:16the delightful smorgasbord of womanly temptation,
0:07:16 > 0:07:18pause for a plumper at least once.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- Thank you.- Thank me later.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26I'll lend you a DVD.
0:07:29 > 0:07:322006 also saw Jeremy Clarkson don his L plates
0:07:32 > 0:07:35and slip effortlessly into the driving seat.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37World, don't stop turning.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Stars don't stop falling down in a world of make-believe.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Do you ever think of me?
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Yeah, well done, it's your own song.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47So, bye-bye, Miss American Pie.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Drove the Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Well done, we're back on a motoring theme.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Hit the road, Jack.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Well done, Ray Charles.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Driving along in my automobile.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00My baby beside me at the wheel.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Are you all right? Cos I think I'll nick off.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06You can't go on thinking nothing's wrong.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Crack on, Paxman, you're doing lovely.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- Do the next one. - Go on, next one.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Who's Going To Drive Me Home Tonight, the Cars.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Watch us wreck the mic...
0:08:13 > 0:08:17- Watch us wreck the mic, psyche! - Yes, that's it.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:22 > 0:08:26- Unbelievable. - Do we actually need Phill?- No.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31He's already at the fish & chip shop. Wahey!
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Buzzcocks regular Lauren Laverne
0:08:33 > 0:08:37was a paragon of charm and professionalism.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39If I can hold this hope inside my hands.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41You'd understand they let us down.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Can you name the track, Charlie?
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- Yeah, it's Waste A Moment. - By who?- By Fightstar.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Yeah, by Fightstar, you're very clever.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50LAUGHTER
0:08:50 > 0:08:53You are lovely. Erm...
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Ah, freak-out.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00Oh, la freak, c'est, c'est something...
0:09:00 > 0:09:01What?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04How much did your education cost, Charlie?
0:09:04 > 0:09:082006 saw the Kaiser Chiefs riding high in the charts,
0:09:08 > 0:09:11and lead singer Ricky Wilson was a natural as Buzzcocks host.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15The Cure's Robert Smith says he loves the anonymity of being a Smith,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18saying, "I can book into a hotel room and nobody knows it's me."
0:09:18 > 0:09:21No, Robert, they think you're Elizabeth Taylor without the make-up.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Waits for laugh to die down.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27LAUGHTER
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Sips drink.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34There's nothing worse than dehydrating.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42And bringing a splash of colour to proceedings, Dale Winton.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Well-known family man Michael Jackson claims
0:09:44 > 0:09:47he gets his curious skin tone from a genetic disease.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Oh, and while I'm on the subject,
0:09:48 > 0:09:53if anyone wants to know, I get mine from Dulux's Autumn range.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57This year's must-have colour is Sorrento Sunrise.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01You're watching the end of a career here.
0:10:05 > 0:10:082006 was the year that Top Gear favourite Richard Hammond
0:10:08 > 0:10:11passed his theory but failed the practical.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15Richard Hammond, who presents the BBC's popular Top Gear programme,
0:10:15 > 0:10:18is in a critical condition tonight at Leeds Royal Infirmary.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19He was seriously injured in a crash
0:10:19 > 0:10:21while filming a new edition of Top Gear.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23The only thing that's really breaking his heart
0:10:23 > 0:10:25is he has chipped one of his whitened teeth.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28America's answer to Richard Blackwood appeared in The Klumps.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Well, Scary Klump, to be precise.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33He was unwilling to accept the role of father,
0:10:33 > 0:10:36which is odd for a man who said yes to Norbit.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39We are here today to announce that this morning we filed a petition
0:10:39 > 0:10:43on behalf of Melanie Brown to establish paternity of her baby girl.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46I recognise that there are millions and millions of single mothers
0:10:46 > 0:10:49and their children who don't have a voice.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Mel B and Eddie Murphy, what happened there?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Well, Simon, allegedly Mr Murphy put his penis
0:10:56 > 0:10:59into Miss B's special lady area.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01La-la-la-la-la-la!
0:11:02 > 0:11:06- And a pregnancy ensued. - Can you confirm this, Mel C?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Let me ask you this. Why no condom?
0:11:11 > 0:11:12(Why no condom?)
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I know nothing!
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Do you put condoms on a man before you have intercourse?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Do you?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:25 > 0:11:28David Blaine went out of his way to avoid the media spotlight
0:11:28 > 0:11:31by hiding in a fish tank in the middle of Times Square.
0:11:31 > 0:11:38I am humbled so much by the support of everybody from New York City,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41and from all over the world.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44A certain taxi driver's day took an unexpected turn,
0:11:44 > 0:11:48as the BBC mistook this guy for their actual invited guest.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53Well, Guy Kewney is the editor of the technology website NewsWireless.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55- Hello, good morning to you. - Good morning.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Were you surprised by this verdict today?
0:11:57 > 0:12:02I'm very surprised to see this verdict to come on me,
0:12:02 > 0:12:04because I was not expecting that.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10And Pete Doherty took a break from his busy prison schedule
0:12:10 > 0:12:12to briefly be a musician.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14You look really well, how are things going?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Yeah, I'm off the brown and...
0:12:17 > 0:12:20yeah, slowly but surely,
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I'm pulling it together.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23No, me neither.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28A lovely image here, it's like, Pete Doherty Sings Frank Sinatra.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30# Come snort with me
0:12:31 > 0:12:34# Let's snort, let's snort away. #
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Pete Doherty says the nicest text Kate Moss ever sent him read,
0:12:39 > 0:12:41"You're in my veins, you fuck,"
0:12:41 > 0:12:43which he decided to write in blood on the walls of his flat.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Sarah Beeny said, "You're narrowing down your market, Pete.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49"It's neutral walls and beige carpets."
0:12:49 > 0:12:52I do like Pete Doherty, but what makes me laugh about him
0:12:52 > 0:12:55is he manages to be skinny and flabby at the same time.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00While Doherty was crowd surfing, an over-enthusiastic fan gave him
0:13:00 > 0:13:04a wedgie. The singer admits he then ran crying to hide in his tour bus.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07The pants were pulled with such force that the friction left him
0:13:07 > 0:13:09with a condition known as "smoking crack".
0:13:17 > 0:13:232006 saw a certain guest host stand head and shoulders above the rest.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27# I am the one and only. #
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Yes, following a successful trial run,
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Simon Amstell became Buzzcocks' new, full-time host.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36That's my favourite thing I've ever done.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39And from Day One, he showed he was a real team player.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41I really don't want to be difficult on my first day.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I love the show and the set and the titles,
0:13:44 > 0:13:49I really hate pre-titles sketches. Let's not do one, they're naff.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52It's a panel show, it's not 'Allo 'Allo.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Hello there, and welcome to
0:13:57 > 0:13:59the exciting new series of Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01New set, new titles, new host.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I guess what we're trying to say is,
0:14:03 > 0:14:07"Welcome to the last series of Never Mind The Buzzcocks."
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Amstell took to the role like a duck to autocue.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13During the last series of American Idol there was...
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- There were...- Scurrilous. - Scurrilous, thank you very much.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21APPLAUSE
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Just trying to help.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Ooh, I can read!
0:14:30 > 0:14:32When Tina's ex-husband Ike Turner was sent to prison,
0:14:32 > 0:14:35he was so scared of being held with the other prisoners that he
0:14:35 > 0:14:38got himself transferred to the hospital wing and...
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Oh, sorry, can I start that one again?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43That went very well, I thought.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Why can't I be a pro like Knowles(?)
0:14:47 > 0:14:49After a brief period of house training,
0:14:49 > 0:14:51he soon became the consummate host.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54David, you must have met Grace Jones, or married her?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I'm keeping count.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03That's your type, though. Slightly unhinged gay icon, right?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- That's terrible. - Erm, have you met Grace Jones?- No.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Call yourself a star fucker?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I'm too old or too young for it, one or the other.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- Old.- OK.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23I'm not very good with the song,
0:15:23 > 0:15:25but I'll just do any beat and you just hum the tune.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27That's what you did with Mis-Teeq.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33I can do whatever you like on this show.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35It's not like GMTV where you just have to be dull.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Tequila.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42Oh, it makes me happy.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Correct. Doesn't though, does it, Matt?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52OFF-KEY: # You raise me up...! #
0:15:52 > 0:15:552006 was just the beginning for Amstell.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58He'd go on to host Buzzcocks a total of 38 times,
0:15:58 > 0:16:03overseeing four series, numerous scraps and one walk-off.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Preston, come on.- No, seriously, going home.- We're having fun.
0:16:06 > 0:16:13# I am strong when I am on your shoulders. #
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Simon Amstell, we salute you.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21# To all that I can be. #
0:16:24 > 0:16:27The beauty of Buzzcocks is that it brings together stars
0:16:27 > 0:16:29from all walks of life.
0:16:29 > 0:16:312006 featured some great guests,
0:16:31 > 0:16:34some of whom proved to be a bit of a handful.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38First up, celebrity twitcher and old-school funnyman Bill Oddie.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- What have you got in there? - It's the, the intros.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43What, on a record?
0:16:43 > 0:16:44No, on a bit of card.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49What, just the words, or the name of the song or something?
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Yes!
0:16:50 > 0:16:53But they're not going to sing words, are they?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55They're going to go, "Ba-doom, ba-doom, tch-tch."
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- You're in charge of this. - I AM in charge of this!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- You can do what you want. - Stewart's right! Shush, Oddie!
0:17:02 > 0:17:03What's this?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- That's an eyebrowed thrush.- Correct.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Do you know the Latin name for it?
0:17:10 > 0:17:12No! Turdus something-or-other.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Ooh, that's funny! Turdus, bit naughty!
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- I know where you're going. - He's caught us out.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22They're all slightly rude.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27D'oh, for God's sake!
0:17:27 > 0:17:31It's, erm, a dangly-bollocked penis hen.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35The fisting pigeon, yeah, that's what it is.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Next standout guest of 2006, sci-fi showman
0:17:39 > 0:17:42and good-time guy John Barrowman.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Talk to the hand cos the wrist is pissed.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:51 > 0:17:54You have out-gayed me, Barrowman!
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Let's have a gay-off!
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Ready, lips pursed, hands on the table and go!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I haven't even told my mum yet.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12And finally, lead singer of the Cribs, Ryan Jarman,
0:18:12 > 0:18:16with one of the most outrageous claims to fame you'll ever hear.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Good effort, lads.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Thanks very much.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24It's not my mate Geldof, is it?
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Your mate?
0:18:27 > 0:18:31- D'you know Sir Bob? - Well, I think he knows me, so...
0:18:31 > 0:18:33LAUGHTER
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Oh?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38You don't want to know how.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Oh, I think we do.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44If there's any legal implications involved in this, then like...
0:18:46 > 0:18:48..I invented Live 8, you see.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54This is not actually a lie.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59We were in the recording studio recording our album,
0:18:59 > 0:19:03which you should all buy by the way because it's a brilliant album.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- What's it called? - Who cares, but like...
0:19:08 > 0:19:13Anyway, like, I found Bob Geldof's mobile phone number
0:19:13 > 0:19:15while we were in the recording studio
0:19:15 > 0:19:18so I sent him a text message just saying,
0:19:18 > 0:19:20"Three words, mate. Live Aid 2."
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Lo and behold, six months later, Live 8 comes out.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29So what you're saying is...
0:19:29 > 0:19:30It's just nice to know that you've made
0:19:30 > 0:19:32a little bit of a difference, that's all.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- PHILL:- Imagine Ryan phoning Pink Floyd.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40- NASAL YORKSHIRE ACCENT: - 'Hiya. Are you busy in June?'
0:19:40 > 0:19:43LAUGHTER
0:19:43 > 0:19:45'I want to do Live 8 again.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50'Have you got the Who's number?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55'Hang on, I'll get a pen.'
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Back to Bill Oddie,
0:20:03 > 0:20:06and here he is trying to guess one of the biggest hits of 2006,
0:20:06 > 0:20:11as performed by Bill Bailey and Tony Mortimer from East 17.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16# Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the... # No.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22This is it. # My old man's a dustman, he wears a dustman's hat. #
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- No, it's not that one.- Bill, I don't like to see you struggle.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- Have you ever heard of Nelly Furtado?- Of course I have.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31She's a girl singer, second album just out. Go on.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- Ooh!- Oo-ooh!
0:20:33 > 0:20:38- You have underestimated the Oddie. - Nerrina Pallot. There's another one.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39There's another singer!
0:20:41 > 0:20:44# She's a man-eater Make you buy cars... #
0:20:44 > 0:20:49Yes, 2006 saw the charts dominated by females.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52# I'm on tonight You know, my hips don't lie... #
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Shakira had one of the biggest selling songs of the year,
0:20:55 > 0:20:58topping the charts in over 796 countries
0:20:58 > 0:21:01and winning 1,000 awards with this single.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03But then again, her hips told me that.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07# Oh, I wish I was a punk rocker With flowers in my hair... #
0:21:07 > 0:21:09From her bedroom to the charts,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12wannabe revolutionary Sandi Thom bypassed tradition
0:21:12 > 0:21:16and became an overnight sensation through the power of the internet.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Well, according to Shakira's hips, anyway.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21# ..with flowers in my hair. #
0:21:21 > 0:21:26# At first when I see you cry
0:21:26 > 0:21:28# Yeah, it makes me smile... #
0:21:28 > 0:21:32And finally, 2006 saw potty-mouthed songstress Lily Allen take the world
0:21:32 > 0:21:36by storm, redefining the status of women in music with her
0:21:36 > 0:21:41unique vocal style, chirpy melodies and charming opinions.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Lily, of course, is renowned for slagging off people in the press.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Hey, forget about the pixilation, it's now time to play...
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Fingers on buzzers. "He has to be exterminated?"
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- WHOOSHING BUZZER Yes.- Chris De Burgh!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- I know the answer. - No, Lily, tell us the answer.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02It's Pete Doherty, but can I explain myself quickly?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04- No. Fingers on buzzers.- Please!
0:22:04 > 0:22:08"I would kick her over and then stab her in the ear."
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- HONKING BUZZER Yes.- Princess Michael of Kent.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15- WHOOSHING BUZZER Yes.- Peaches?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Peaches Geldof is correct.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19You'd stab her in the ear?!
0:22:21 > 0:22:25"She's a relationship ruiner. Javine is a slag."
0:22:25 > 0:22:27LAUGHTER
0:22:27 > 0:22:31- HONKING BUZZER - Jamelia.- Oh, dear.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34That was actually about Javine, but Jamelia talking about Javine.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Jamelia! Outspoken Jamelia!
0:22:38 > 0:22:41How could you say such a thing?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43No, she really is a slag, though.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:49 > 0:22:51If you don't know the story,
0:22:51 > 0:22:56she went off with Alesha of Mis-Teeq's husband MC Harvey.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00So, we are starting a war with the So Solid Crew here.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03There's only five of them left, I think we can take them.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- Simon, we can't take on the Crew! - Yeah, we can, Bill. What about it?
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Why don't Bill and I come over and sleep with your wives?!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15And Phill, he's loaded and ready to go! Let's go!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I'm coming over with my sex men!
0:23:18 > 0:23:19What have you got, Phill?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22I've got £300 that you probably won't be able
0:23:22 > 0:23:24to get from underneath.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29And the winner is...
0:23:31 > 0:23:33..X&Y by Coldplay.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Coldplay went from strength to strength in 2006,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42nabbing BRIT Awards for Best Single and Best Album.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45It's hard for us sometimes cos we're English,
0:23:45 > 0:23:47and we don't get to admit that we think we're great.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50So tonight, we'd like to agree with you for giving us this award.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Thanks a lot.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55All of which fuelled Buzzcocks' passionate relationship
0:23:55 > 0:23:59with the band, a love affair you might call "complicated"?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01We take the attitude that it's just music.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04If you don't like it, you can just listen to something else.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Chris Martin is notoriously touchy,
0:24:06 > 0:24:08and this year walked out of two interviews when Gwyneth Paltrow
0:24:08 > 0:24:12was mentioned, so tonight, in order to show he's got a sense of humour,
0:24:12 > 0:24:14he's sent us his own Coldplay-based jokes. Here you go.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Coldplay walk into a bar, but it's a bit crowded
0:24:17 > 0:24:18so they go to a private members club,
0:24:18 > 0:24:21but that's not really their scene cos it's all a bit too showbiz,
0:24:21 > 0:24:23and they're just normal guys.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27How many members of Coldplay can you get into a Mini?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- Oh, another Coldplay joke.- All four.
0:24:30 > 0:24:35It's a four-seater vehicle so it's actually fairly straightforward.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Every day, Chris Martin draws the words "Fair Trade" on his left hand,
0:24:38 > 0:24:40probably with pens made by four-year-olds
0:24:40 > 0:24:42in a Taiwanese sweat shop.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45What's happening with Chris Martin?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47He looks like he's got contact lenses of his own eyes
0:24:47 > 0:24:50over his own eyes.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54He looks like every one of his songs.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56APPLAUSE
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I've been really good tonight, I've not dissed Coldplay in any way,
0:25:01 > 0:25:04and it's burning me up inside.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05You boys are so bitter.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Just cos he's talented and he's good looking.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10It's like when girls say about girls...
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Ohhhhhhhh!
0:25:11 > 0:25:15I feel a little bit of stuff going on here!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17You know what, though? People often say to me,
0:25:17 > 0:25:19"Oh, you do like Coldplay."
0:25:19 > 0:25:21They're shit.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30I think that's a full snap to Noel and half snap to Helen.
0:25:31 > 0:25:36Alesha, it says here that you once hitched a ride back from Cannes
0:25:36 > 0:25:38in Chris Martin's jet. Is that true?
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- Yes.- Do you know that you only have to pay 20 quid for an Easyjet ticket
0:25:41 > 0:25:45and then you don't have to sit next to Chris Martin?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47No-one told you that.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- You were in his jet? - Yeah, offering me sushi.- Really?
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- Oh, what a gentleman. - Is that a showbiz kind of euphemism?
0:25:58 > 0:26:00You know when you land in planes, they go,
0:26:00 > 0:26:03"D'you want a boiled sweet cos your ears are going to pop?"
0:26:03 > 0:26:04He goes, "Anyone want sushi?"
0:26:05 > 0:26:06What a dick.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Luckily, one man was prepared to fly the Coldplay flag.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16You're expecting a funny line, but I don't care what anyone says,
0:26:16 > 0:26:18I like Coldplay, all right?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20I like Come Dine With Me, I like Honey Nut Shredded Wheat.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Deal with it, it's Coldplay.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30I hate Coldplay. Can I just say I can't stand them.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Oh, don't start, they're such an easy target. I like them.
0:26:33 > 0:26:38I'm not mad about that cereal you eat either, but still...
0:26:38 > 0:26:40They're not an easy target at all,
0:26:40 > 0:26:43cos that Christopher fella jumps around the stage quite a bit,
0:26:43 > 0:26:45and I have tried to hit him a number of times.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49If you try a shotgun, you get sort of a nice spread,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51you'll catch him on the move then.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54I think I'll be taking Cribbins' advice.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Their manager phoned me up and said,
0:26:56 > 0:27:00"You are both very mean to Coldplay." And then texted me
0:27:00 > 0:27:03and said, "But I know it's very, you know, COOL to hate Coldplay."
0:27:03 > 0:27:07So I texted her back, "Just want to say, I wasn't trying to be cool.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11"I genuinely hate Coldplay.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16"Just for the record."
0:27:16 > 0:27:22# I will try to fix you. #
0:27:22 > 0:27:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:28 > 0:27:30# What's that coming over the hill?
0:27:30 > 0:27:31# Is it a monster? #
0:27:31 > 0:27:34So that was our take on 2006.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38Time now to sit back and appreciate Buzzcocks' true international appeal
0:27:38 > 0:27:43by having a quick game of Who Was That And Where Do They Come From?
0:27:43 > 0:27:46First up, that's Reg D Hunter from Georgia, USA,
0:27:46 > 0:27:50Cockney geezer Dave Berry, Kayvan Novak, he's Iranian-British,
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Geordie lass Michelle Heaton, Josh Groban from LA,
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Jenni Falconer, Glasgow, Sally Lindsay, good old northerner,
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Daniel Merriweather, he's an Aussie,
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Stephen Fry, couldn't be more British.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Daniel Beddingfield, actually born in New Zealand.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Orson's Jason Pebworth, American.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Aaron Gilbert, the Delays, he's from Southampton.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Colin Murray, Northern Ireland. Mollie King, a true English rose,
0:28:11 > 0:28:14and Nerrina Pallot, who was apparently brought up in Jersey
0:28:14 > 0:28:18by a half-French father and an Indian mother.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20I've been Alex James from Bournemouth. Good night.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27MUSIC: "When You Were Young" by the Killers
0:28:34 > 0:28:38# He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
0:28:38 > 0:28:40# But he talks like a gentleman
0:28:40 > 0:28:45# Like you imagined when you were young. #
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd