0:00:01 > 0:00:04# Oh, what happened to you?
0:00:04 > 0:00:08# Whatever happened to me?
0:00:08 > 0:00:15# What became of the people we used to be?
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Tomorrow's almost over
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# Today went by so fast
0:00:21 > 0:00:29# Is the only thing to look forward to the past? #
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Hello.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40- Not before time.- Hello, sunshine.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- How you feeling?- Not before time!
0:00:43 > 0:00:48- Not a word or letter. - A letter?- Or a card or a phone call.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53- You're not on the phone.- She is, next door. Anything would have done.
0:00:53 > 0:00:58A carrier pigeon or smoke signals from your roof - anything.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Just to have some human contact.
0:01:01 > 0:01:08- I've been up to my ears with the house and the wedding. - And you put those before my health?
0:01:08 > 0:01:13I can't risk infection. Everyone's going down with this Chilean flu.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16I haven't got the time to be sick.
0:01:16 > 0:01:21It's not the plague. We haven't got to paint our front door yellow.
0:01:21 > 0:01:28- No writhing contortions and your hair falling out. - So you've not been at death's door?
0:01:28 > 0:01:34I didn't say I hadn't suffered. I coughed so hard I ruptured my lungs.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Chilean flu - it's fascinating, isn't it?
0:01:38 > 0:01:42It's fascinating a virus can travel so far. Like Asian flu.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46When my temperature was 103 and I was delirious,
0:01:46 > 0:01:51the thing that consoled me was the fact I had such a fascinating virus.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- It comes in off the ships. - And I get it.
0:01:54 > 0:02:00According to Look North, our programme of local news, it's an epidemic.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02What a month -
0:02:02 > 0:02:08out of the forces, no money, no job, no mates, you getting married,
0:02:08 > 0:02:16and some bug transports itself from the Andes, across two continents, two oceans and zeros in on me.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18You're not the only one, by far.
0:02:18 > 0:02:23- Cursed by the Incas. Typical! - Half my firm's got it.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26I bet I was first - the trailblazer.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29No wonder you're delirious. What's this?
0:02:29 > 0:02:35"Advice Forum. A frank exchange of personal and private fears."
0:02:35 > 0:02:37What are your personal fears?
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Apart from relegation and baldness.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Friends' desertion in time of need.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47That pales compared to this fella. Did you read this?
0:02:47 > 0:02:52- Anguished, Market Harborough?- Where can he buy manacles and stocks?
0:02:52 > 0:02:57- Mail order, I suppose. - Comes in a plain wrapper.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Those letters stagger me.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03I never realised bondage was that popular.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08- It isn't, not on the Elm Lodge Housing Estate.- Don't be too sure.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13Those letters aren't from Copenhagen or Hamburg.
0:03:13 > 0:03:18They're from Market Harborough and Evesham. There's even a Harrogate.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21If that's a fair sample,
0:03:21 > 0:03:28come Saturday night half this nation's in frilly underclothes, beating themselves with whips.
0:03:28 > 0:03:33- Not everyone watches Match Of The Day.- Healthy people do.
0:03:33 > 0:03:39I was going to miss it on Saturday. If someone was better, I'd planned a treat.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44- I'm not being whipped. - That's not what I had in mind.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48How about a meal in that posh place up the coast road?
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- Bottle of wine, great big steaks. - Why?
0:03:52 > 0:03:57It might be the last chance, before I'm married, to have a chat.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01A quiet evening. A civilised reflective evening.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04I see. It's guilt at leaving me to rot.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09If you don't want to accept this last gesture of my friendship...
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- If you put it that way...- What way?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- When you put that voice on. - What voice?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Anna Neagle making a charity appeal.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22If you mean my voice conveys some emotion, I don't deny it.
0:04:22 > 0:04:28This week is the end of an era, and this meal was to commemorate it.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33You make it sound more like a memorial service than a nosh-up.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- It is, in a way. - Well, where's Thelma?
0:04:36 > 0:04:41Thelma doesn't rule my leisure habits. She doesn't issue pass-outs.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- Anyway, Thelma's booked. - What for? Soliciting?
0:04:45 > 0:04:52For her girls' night out, for a hen party. Her sister's coming over from Canada.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56I'd forgotten Thelma had a sister. Did we know her?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58No. She's five years younger.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02She got a job abroad.
0:05:02 > 0:05:08- What's she like?- I can't remember. I've only recently started noticing schoolgirls.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10I might be all right at the wedding,
0:05:10 > 0:05:15with her as the bridesmaid and me as the best man.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18It's one of the unwritten laws -
0:05:18 > 0:05:22the best man reads the telegrams and has the bridesmaid.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- Terry...- You never know!
0:05:25 > 0:05:30- I might as well chance me arm. - Don't jump to conclusions.
0:05:30 > 0:05:37I'm only going to chance me arm. I'll leave the rest of my anatomy till I see the lay of the land.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- I wasn't referring... - Maybe she'll be the lay of the land.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Terry, you musn't take things for granted...about the wedding.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53I see, Bob. That's what this meal's about, is it?
0:05:53 > 0:05:58- Just the two of us, a reflective evening.- Right.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- I understand, kidda. - Do you?- Certainly.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Thank God! You're having second thoughts.
0:06:06 > 0:06:12NO! I am not. You never give up. I was referring to bridesmaids and best man.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16I see, Dame Anna. It's moral outrage, is it?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Just because she's Thelma's sister.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23I don't care, as long as you enjoy yourself.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27What I was referring to wasn't your sexual menace.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30It was...your status.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Status?- Lack of it.- What do I lack?
0:06:33 > 0:06:39- Best-man status.- What?- The best man at my wedding... My best man...
0:06:39 > 0:06:41- Yes.- Is not you.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43It is in principle.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47It's you in principle, just not in fact.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51I'm not your best man?
0:06:51 > 0:06:57I didn't know you'd reappear after five years, out of the blue.
0:06:57 > 0:07:02- I'd already asked Frank Clark. - You don't have to explain.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04You think I'll let you down.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08My working-class ways are too rough for your in-laws
0:07:08 > 0:07:12with their caravans and Masonic handshakes.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17How could someone like me possibly officiate at your wedding?
0:07:17 > 0:07:22I might wear overalls and clogs and toast the bridesmaids in meths.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26If I hadn't asked Frank you'd be the first choice.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30I wear the substitute's shirt on the bench.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34If his speech is lousy I come on in the last ten minutes.
0:07:34 > 0:07:40Be reasonable. Not keeping in touch like that, you'd become a memory.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43A fond one, but just a memory.
0:07:43 > 0:07:50An IOU in your drawer. A scar on me shin from the time we fought over Brenda Davidson.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55That's all I am to you, is it? A scar on the shin.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59You could forget someone altogether in five years.
0:07:59 > 0:08:04You didn't forget the IOU in your drawer. What was it for?
0:08:04 > 0:08:10Morecambe Illuminations, 1967. Five-card brag. £11.42 and a half in decimals.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13I'll let you off the half.
0:08:13 > 0:08:18You'll get your money. I've been away, you know!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21I know. That's why you're not the best man.
0:08:21 > 0:08:27- So this meal's to make amends for this betrayal.- The offer's open -
0:08:27 > 0:08:29great food, big helpings, all on me.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35I don't know if I can, Bob, after that news.
0:08:35 > 0:08:40What with me virus and that blow, I couldn't eat.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43My appetite won't ever be the same again.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I'll have prawn cocktail, fillet steak,
0:08:46 > 0:08:53- chips, onion rings, mushrooms, grilled tomatoes and sprouts, Can we have more bread?- Certainly.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- How's the melon?- It's lovely, sir.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01- Fine. Then the entrecote - medium rare.- Some vegetables?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04No, just a green salad, tossed.
0:09:04 > 0:09:09- No potatoes. Would you open the wine so it can breathe?- Of course.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12HE GASPS
0:09:12 > 0:09:16What's the matter with you? Green salad, no chips.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- I watch my carbohydrates.- Do you?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- This is very nice. Cheers!- Cheers!
0:09:22 > 0:09:26I'm glad you made a miracle recovery in 24 hours.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29It's these foreign diseases.
0:09:29 > 0:09:36When I needed help laying my carpet you'd lost the use of both legs and your sight was failing.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Today's wonder drugs.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Fine. Lovely, thanks.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- Agghh!- Terry!
0:10:16 > 0:10:19No hard feelings then, kidda?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21It hurt, Bob. I can't say it didn't.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26I've been closer to you than your mother, never mind Frank Clark.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Your first day at mixed infants.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31It was that long ago when we met.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I remember. We were only five.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38The teacher said, "There's your desk and crayons.
0:10:38 > 0:10:43"Playtime's at ten and don't talk to Terry Collier."
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Miss Hyndemarsh always had it in for me.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51Character shows at an early age. Even at five, you were trouble.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53"Don't talk to Terry Collier."
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Our school motto!
0:10:55 > 0:11:02I was you first friend. The first person to split your head open.
0:11:02 > 0:11:08Frank Clark can't recall colourful anecdotes from the past.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Our anecdotes aren't fit for a wedding speech.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Frank Clark didn't sacrifice five years of his life for you.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Oh, God! We're back to that.- Yes.
0:11:19 > 0:11:24Five years of sweat and toil... and pain.
0:11:24 > 0:11:29- One day we'll hear about that famous war wound.- Not from my lips.
0:11:29 > 0:11:37You said that the most memorable thing to happen was getting tattooed on your left buttock.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41What happened? Did the needle slip?
0:11:41 > 0:11:45That waiter never did bring that bread.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54- Is your friend all right, sir? - He was cursed by the Incas,
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- and during a full moon his leg plays up.- I see.
0:12:14 > 0:12:19- Did you clock them?- I clocked you giving them your winning look(!)
0:12:19 > 0:12:24- I've won a few with it. - You've lost a hell of a sight more!
0:12:24 > 0:12:28- They're tasty, though. - They cured your limp.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Or was it a case of "Take up thy bread and walk"?
0:12:32 > 0:12:38I'd like to know what they are doing alone in a place like this.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40They're two girls having dinner.
0:12:40 > 0:12:45Even before women's lib you had unescorted females in public places.
0:12:45 > 0:12:50On a Saturday night? Spare? They're up to no good.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53You've got some bigoted sexual ideas -
0:12:53 > 0:13:00widows are desperate, women without handbags are depraved, negroes are more virile.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04A few years ago a fella playing tennis was a poof.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08A few years ago we wouldn't let the minutes tick by.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13- Let's ask them over.- Certainly not. - They can pay for themselves.
0:13:13 > 0:13:20No! I'm not out on the pull. It's the end of an era. That's what this meal's about.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Yeah, yeah. I suppose so.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27A few years back they wouldn't have stood a chance.
0:13:27 > 0:13:32- A few years back...no.- Admit it. We didn't half put it about.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- Oh, aye! We were deadly. - No woman was safe!- A team!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- The terrible two.- The dynamic duo.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43- Twin strikers.- Chivers and Hurst. - Lee and Bell.- Our best season?
0:13:43 > 0:13:461965, definitely - a vintage year.
0:13:46 > 0:13:53- A good year for blue-eyed girls. - Blue-eyed, green-eyed, cross-eyed - we took all we could.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58- A string of victories. - The champions of the Roxy ballroom.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- #- We were the champ-ions!- #
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Oh, gracias, amigo.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11- Thank you very much.- Excuse me. - Thanks.
0:14:14 > 0:14:211965... Did you... Did you really have a string of victories?
0:14:21 > 0:14:22What?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25I know we took a lot of girls out,
0:14:25 > 0:14:29but did you have any complete, total, all-the-way victories?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32If you put it that way...
0:14:32 > 0:14:38- I am putting it that way. Be honest. - Complete victories?- Complete.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- All the way, like.- All the way.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Honestly.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45No.
0:14:45 > 0:14:50- I thought so.- And you?- Extra time once with Dorothy Armison, but...
0:14:50 > 0:14:55- You'd never crack that defence. - I was thinking.- What?
0:14:55 > 0:15:01A whole season - we must have been the only twin strikers not to score.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13- Aye! The end of an era.- Aye, well.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- Aye.- It's one way of looking at it.
0:15:21 > 0:15:27- They were grand days. - The best is to come.- Great times. - It's one way to look at it.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32When you think what we must have been like, eh?
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Now we're mature and civilised but then we didn't know owt from nowt.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40So randy - we chased everything that moved.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44Mind, we were choosy - they had to be awake.
0:15:44 > 0:15:49That was the only thing that mattered, and football.
0:15:49 > 0:15:55I think we're still the same people underneath our civilised exteriors.
0:15:55 > 0:16:01- I'm more mature now, sexually... - Certainly...- And experienced, like.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Life's all down to sex and football, isn't it?
0:16:05 > 0:16:09- The same for everybody. - No, some people don't like sex.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Takes all sorts.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17My twin obsessions. That's what Thelma says. Sex and football.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20She reckons the height of ecstasy for me
0:16:20 > 0:16:25would be making love in E block, during a European Cup tie.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30By the time we get into Europe, making love in public will be legal.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- You know Nigel Hutchinson?- Oh, aye.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38- He had to see a psychiatrist about his obsession.- Never.
0:16:38 > 0:16:46The doctor said that subconsciously he wanted to make love to every woman in the world.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- What's wrong with that? - It was an illness. He'll go mad.
0:16:50 > 0:16:56He's not going to get through North Shields, never mind the world.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59There's always somebody worse off.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02At least I won't go through that.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I'm content to be with just Thelma.
0:17:05 > 0:17:11Come on! Being with Thelma never stopped you shopping around, especially at school.
0:17:11 > 0:17:17I'm getting married, not carrying her satchel home from Park Juniors.
0:17:17 > 0:17:23- Those two might be your last chance to grab somebody else's satchel. - I don't want to.
0:17:23 > 0:17:29I know...you're separated now and your marriage didn't work out,
0:17:29 > 0:17:36but there must have been a time when your eyeballs didn't swivel out of their sockets
0:17:36 > 0:17:39when you saw another fraulein.
0:17:39 > 0:17:44There is never a time when a man doesn't notice other women.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49Even Uncle Norman, 82, leapt on the Meals on Wheels lady the other day.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- Never.- Aye. She's refused to go back.
0:17:53 > 0:17:59Wasn't there a time with Ute when love was a many splendoured thing?
0:17:59 > 0:18:07When I thrilled to the sound of her voice and all that rubbish - the gooey period?
0:18:07 > 0:18:11When you weren't looking at every bit of passing skirt.
0:18:11 > 0:18:18I don't know. I met Ute when I was in the army. I was a war bride...GROOM.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22I wasn't in a town. I was on a windswept German plain.
0:18:22 > 0:18:27The only excitement was a singsong and a cup of cocoa.
0:18:27 > 0:18:32There wasn't any spare. I never had to test out my fidelity.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37I don't know how I'd run the sexual gauntlet of this permissive society.
0:18:37 > 0:18:43- I've managed.- Yes, probably because you're saturated with sex.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Now you're limping into retirement.
0:18:47 > 0:18:54I am aware of other women. I have to drive every morning past the Ministry of Pensions.
0:18:54 > 0:19:00Don't tell me those teenage typists aren't a navigational hazard.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05I don't forget my responsibilities as a fiance and a road-user.
0:19:05 > 0:19:11- How come you ran into the back of a laundry van?- Clutch slipped.
0:19:11 > 0:19:17- Mind your brandy doesn't slip while you clock them two.- I'm not! - Get away!- I'm not!
0:19:17 > 0:19:22- I'm vaguely aware one of them's pretty.- Which one?
0:19:22 > 0:19:26The one with the dark hair who wrinkles up her nose.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Just a vague impression, was it?
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Compared to Thelma, how could I? You'll find someone,
0:19:33 > 0:19:39and you'll realise how wonderful it is to have found life's partner.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41It's not Bob and Terry any more.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45It's Bob and Thelma and their friend, Terry.
0:19:45 > 0:19:50Thelma's my partner. There's new words in my vocabulary -
0:19:50 > 0:19:56- marriage, trust, fidelity... - Boredom.- Old words, I've forgotten,
0:19:56 > 0:20:00like tail, spare, score, crumpet.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Old days and old ways are gone forever.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09I bet we could pull those two.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Those days are over you just said.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16I just bet we could, that's all. A few years back...
0:20:16 > 0:20:22We're entering another era. You've told me at least ten times tonight.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- We could pull them and score. - Your vocabulary's come back.
0:20:26 > 0:20:32- I fancy the dark one. I fancy them both.- You've got Hutch's disease.
0:20:32 > 0:20:39I just wonder, don't you? If the old technique's still there. The old magic.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Waiter. Watch this.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Could you ask those two ladies in the corner...
0:20:45 > 0:20:51Could you say we recognise them and, if they don't think we're too forward,
0:20:51 > 0:20:56- perhaps they'd join us for coffee and liqueurs.- Yes, sir.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Bloody hell, that was good.
0:20:58 > 0:21:04A few years back, on the way to the lav I'd have said, "Fancy a jar?"
0:21:04 > 0:21:08Then it would have been a few jars and nothing.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- They've got the message.- Down, boy!
0:21:11 > 0:21:16- Remember this is your fault. - I can handle it. I always could.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21If they're American heiresses looking for some northern rough,
0:21:21 > 0:21:30and they whip us off to their mansions in Palm Springs or Hawaii, with yachts, it wasn't my fault.
0:21:30 > 0:21:36- They're only coming over! - The twin strikers find their feet. - Or lose their heads.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38The old magic's still there.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- Good evening. Would you care to...? - Oh, thank you.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I hope you don't think we were being too...
0:21:45 > 0:21:51You see, it was just that we thought we knew you from somewhere.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55- I'm Bob and this is Terry. - I'm Norma.- And I'm Susan.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Thought they looked familiar...
0:21:58 > 0:22:02Yes, have you ever been to Palm Springs?
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- Park Secondary Modern. - Pardon?- Pardon?
0:22:06 > 0:22:11You won't remember. You were in the seniors when we were in the juniors.
0:22:11 > 0:22:16You mean you remember us from then?
0:22:16 > 0:22:20Bob Ferris and Terry Collier. Of course we do!
0:22:20 > 0:22:25The teacher warned us about you. "Don't talk to Terry Collier."
0:22:25 > 0:22:30- Not that you'd have talked to us. Not you.- Really?
0:22:30 > 0:22:34- We didn't have a look-in. - Not with you.- Really?
0:22:34 > 0:22:39- You were objects of desire. - Figures to idolise.- A fantasy.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- Glimpsed from a distance. - So near, yet so far.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Isn't it lucky we met?
0:22:45 > 0:22:48You don't think we'd let you pick us up?
0:22:48 > 0:22:52- No, no.- No, no. - But we had to meet you in the flesh.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56You were legends in your own lifetime.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00We do our best but it's not easy being a living legend.
0:23:00 > 0:23:06- I think you've lost weight.- Oh, yes. He watches his carbohydrates.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10- You're the same. You were...- WIRY!
0:23:10 > 0:23:15- Would the girls like a drink, Bob? - The bar's closed.- Pardon?
0:23:15 > 0:23:22- It's too late for a drink. - No, it isn't.- If we want a drink we'll have to go ON somewhere.
0:23:22 > 0:23:27I see. Goodness me, the bar's shut. Well, we'll have to go on somewhere.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32- Where were you thinking of going? - Yes.- Yes.- Er, yes.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36Good question. We could go back to my house.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41We could go to my house. I have a house...where we could go back to.
0:23:41 > 0:23:47We could go back to my house which would be a good place to... go back to.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Tell you what, why don't we go back to your house?
0:23:51 > 0:23:55We can play a few records, have a few drinks.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59We can have a few records, play a few drinks.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03- I think that might not be a very good idea.- Why?
0:24:03 > 0:24:08- Why?- It might be indiscreet, something you regret in the morning.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- I won't. I promise I won't. - I won't either.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- It's a bad idea.- Why? Please, why?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17You're marrying my sister next week.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26I don't feel well.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- Terry's come to see you, Bob. - Not before time.
0:24:37 > 0:24:42Here's your tea. Would you like a cup?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44If there's one made.
0:24:47 > 0:24:52- How've you been, petal? - I have been at death's door.
0:24:52 > 0:24:59Your mam says your temperature's never been above 101. The bug's lost its power.
0:24:59 > 0:25:05Couldn't take the climate. It's flying back to the Andes, knackered.
0:25:05 > 0:25:10It's fascinating though, how a little virus can travel that far.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14Fascinating how long you took to get here.
0:25:14 > 0:25:19- Hasn't Thelma visited?- She's ill, too. Didn't go out with the girls.
0:25:19 > 0:25:25- You're sure that's why she hasn't visited? - She doesn't know. Susan didn't say.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- Didn't she?- Don't sound so sorry.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32Don't get at me. I tried to hold you back.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I don't know what came over you.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37That wine went to your loins.
0:25:37 > 0:25:43- Obviously the bug was in my system. Obviously I was delirious. - Obviously(!)
0:25:43 > 0:25:46I brought you this month's.
0:25:46 > 0:25:53It's spreading. Worksop, Paignton, North Berwick - that place is full of Edinburgh widows.
0:25:53 > 0:25:58- Can I ask you something?- Anguished, Market Harborough's more anguished.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00He's lost the key to his stocks.
0:26:00 > 0:26:05- It's important. - What about that? Maul of the month.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09She's going straight into my next fantasy.
0:26:09 > 0:26:15- I was going to ask you something important. - Ask away, little pale face.
0:26:15 > 0:26:20- I've had second thoughts.- Ha ha! - Not about my bride.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24About the bridesmaid? She's a bonny girl, Susan.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26You'll be all right there.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31Of course I won't be. She'll be thigh-to-thigh with the best man,
0:26:31 > 0:26:36and I'll be stuck next to my mother and one of your hideous cousins.
0:26:36 > 0:26:41You won't. If you're thigh-to-thigh with anyone's thigh, it'll be hers.
0:26:41 > 0:26:46That's what I wanted to say. I want you to be the best man, Terry.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50What you said is perfectly true.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53We've been through everything together,
0:26:53 > 0:26:57so how could I not have you as my best man?
0:26:57 > 0:27:00My best friend in all the world.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02What about Frank?
0:27:02 > 0:27:07Forget Frank. That's not important. The thing is...
0:27:07 > 0:27:09will you do it?
0:27:11 > 0:27:14I...don't know what to say, Bob.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17It means a lot to me, Terry.
0:27:18 > 0:27:23Well, of course I will, mate. It's my privilege.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26- Here's your tea, Terry.- Thank you.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Don't stand too close. You'll get re-infected.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32I'd risk that...for a friend.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Isn't it awful about Frank Clark?
0:27:35 > 0:27:38He's developed complications.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43He's going to have to miss the wedding and everything.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48IS he?
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- Did I say something wrong?- Ooh!
0:28:25 > 0:28:29Intelfax Subtitles by Kate Shaw for BBC Subtitling, 1995