0:00:02 > 0:00:05# Oh, what happened to you, Whatever happened to me?
0:00:08 > 0:00:11# What became of the people
0:00:11 > 0:00:15# We used to be?
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Tomorrow's almost over,
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# Today went by so fast,
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# Is the only thing to look forward to...
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# ..the past? #
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- Thelma, please.- Ssh!
0:00:45 > 0:00:46(Thelma...)
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- (I want to talk to you!) - (Not here.)
0:00:49 > 0:00:57- Why are you being so unreasonable? - I'm not being unreasonable.- Why are you in such a state?- I'm not!
0:00:57 > 0:01:03You are. You've put Human Sexual Response under hobbies.
0:01:05 > 0:01:13Don't you recognise the symptoms? It's shock, delayed shock at knowing Terry Collier is back in this town.
0:01:13 > 0:01:21- Am I to blame for him coming back? - It seems funny that he comes out of the army just before we get married.
0:01:21 > 0:01:29My fault. I asked the War Office to grant him a compassionate discharge to come and drag me from the altar.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31That's what he'd like to do!
0:01:31 > 0:01:36He's a different person. Five years is a long time.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Why did you two break your journey last night?
0:01:39 > 0:01:47Halfway home, why get off the train? Because he was putting the doubts in! An intermission for second thoughts.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51- ht - That's not the case.st You're being absurd.i
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Why else get off at Doncaster at midnight?
0:01:54 > 0:02:01We were seduced by distant sounds of merriment. "Ho, porter," we said, "what goes on?"
0:02:01 > 0:02:05"Man, it's Mardi Gras. It's carnival time!"
0:02:05 > 0:02:11Virgins with flowers in their hair. People swaying to jungle rhythms.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Couples copulating all along the Doncaster bypass!
0:02:15 > 0:02:20To be in Doncaster at Mardi Gras is to have lived!
0:02:23 > 0:02:26He's back. Terry Collier's back!
0:02:26 > 0:02:27< Ssh!
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Ow!
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Aaagh!
0:03:00 > 0:03:02What's up?
0:03:02 > 0:03:06- Oh, God, God, God! - What have you done?
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Just put my foot on the boiling bloody kettle!
0:03:10 > 0:03:11What for?
0:03:11 > 0:03:18- ..What do you mean, what for?! - Why put your foot on a boiling kettle? What a daft thing to do.
0:03:18 > 0:03:25Do you think I did it on purpose? Do you think I deliberately sustained first degree burns?
0:03:25 > 0:03:30You gave me a shock. I thought you'd had an accident.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I HAVE had an accident!
0:03:34 > 0:03:39- So, what do you want?- Milk, no sugar.- Round here, I meant.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44I've come to bid you welcome on this your first day of freedom.
0:03:44 > 0:03:52Oh, cheer up, man. Today's supposed to be a day of joy and celebration for your family and friends.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57- And shareholders of the Newcastle breweries.- Joy and celebration(?)
0:03:57 > 0:04:03My mam and dad aren't even home. Five years I've been gone.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08Five years of toil, solitude and self-sacrifice. And what happens?
0:04:08 > 0:04:15I get back to a cold house and a packet of frozen cod balls in the fridge.
0:04:15 > 0:04:22- Not even a note?- They know I'm allergic to fish.- Not fish and chips, you're not.- That's different.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Ring Audrey. She'll know where they are.
0:04:26 > 0:04:33The bed's not aired, this milk's probably sour, no paper, wireless needs a new battery...
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I've a good mind to sign on again.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40- It's not like your folks to be away.- I didn't sleep a wink.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44I sat by the window and watched the dawn come up.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48You know, Bob,
0:04:48 > 0:04:55watching the dawn come up, watching the sun rise above the terraced houses and the brewery,
0:04:55 > 0:05:00over the glue works and the tower of the lead factory...
0:05:00 > 0:05:06Well, it must be one of the most ugly sights in this world.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08You were lucky to see that much!
0:05:08 > 0:05:11It made me wonder why I came back.
0:05:11 > 0:05:19I started feeling homesick for the army! I started thinking, you know, about all the places and the lads.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I'd been with them a long time.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24We've been through a lot together.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29Hughie McLaren... We joined up together. Next beds for five years.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Wasn't there talk?!
0:05:32 > 0:05:36You wouldn't understand friendship forged in combat.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Combat?!
0:05:38 > 0:05:45Taffy Lewis... Was with him in Germany on the night he brained a lieutenant with a hock bottle.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Combat(!)
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Two years in the glasshouse they gave him.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55He met up with Clarky there. And Chippy was sent up soon after.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- A nice set(!) - What's THAT supposed to mean?
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Sounds more like prison than the forces.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07- Good lads, them. - Known as the dirty dozen(!)
0:06:07 > 0:06:11I'd trust Taffy Lewis with my life.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Not my wallet, but certainly my life.
0:06:17 > 0:06:24Well, all that's behind you now. It's time to make plans, forge ahead and build a future.
0:06:24 > 0:06:31Some of us have done that while some of us were serving Queen and country keeping these shores safe,
0:06:31 > 0:06:36so that some of us COULD forge ahead and build a future.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Pardon?
0:06:38 > 0:06:46Well, YOU'VE done all right. Got a mortgage and a car. Got premium bonds? I bet Thelma's got some,
0:06:46 > 0:06:52- stuffed away for a rainy day. - You've never liked Thelma. - She doesn't like ME.
0:06:52 > 0:06:59You've always resented her... God, I can see my life turning into a tennis match,
0:06:59 > 0:07:04with you and Thelma serving for advantages over each other.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08I'll be the ball, bashed from one to the other.
0:07:08 > 0:07:13I might as well plan for divorce now. No point in wasting time.
0:07:13 > 0:07:19- Mental cruelty, you'd come under. - It certainly won't be adultery.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28She can have the house, it's only fair. I'm off to do some decorating.
0:07:28 > 0:07:34Why? If she's getting the house, she can hang her own wallpaper.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39You'd be what's referred to as a "just cause and impediment".
0:07:39 > 0:07:43I'm an ex-soldier trying to get back into society -
0:07:43 > 0:07:47a society that obviously doesn't want me!
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Oh!
0:07:48 > 0:07:53- Now what's the matter? - My foot, my foot.- Hey...
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Why don't you go up to your Audrey's, man,
0:07:57 > 0:08:02and when she says, "Where have YOU come from?", you can say,
0:08:02 > 0:08:04"Hotfoot from our house!"
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- Hello, Terry!- Hello, Stan!
0:08:10 > 0:08:17- Haven't seen YOU for a long time. On leave, are you?- Finished. Got back last night.- Get away.
0:08:17 > 0:08:24- You're looking fit.- I'm full of cold.- You'll feel it here. That wind goes through you.
0:08:24 > 0:08:31- You were in t'tropics, weren't you? - More or less.- Off to see your Audrey?- Aye. Cup o' tea.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36- You'll be having a few bevvies this week.- No doubt.- It'll be grand.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41The welcome mat. Home is the hero! The big hello.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- Good God, it's you! - Is that all you can say?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- After five years?- Wipe your feet.
0:08:53 > 0:08:59- Home is the hero(!) Where's my mam and dad? - At Uncle Norman's funeral.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- Who?- Uncle Norman.- Eh?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- In Carlisle.- ..Oh, aye. How is he?
0:09:05 > 0:09:09How d'you expect him to be at his own funeral?!
0:09:09 > 0:09:14Sorry... Well, he had a good innings. How old was he? Eighty?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Ninety-four.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21- When will they be back?- They'll be at your auntie's for a day or two.
0:09:21 > 0:09:28- She's 90, you know. - Hardly worth them coming home, is it?- What a thing to say!
0:09:28 > 0:09:33Sorry. I'm not in the best frame of mind. I didn't get back till six.
0:09:33 > 0:09:38The house is like ice, no hot-water bottle, and I'm full of cold.
0:09:38 > 0:09:46- Don't give it to the baby.- What baby? - We had another one six months ago. - What make?- A girl. Emma Fleur.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48- Fleur?!- Mm.
0:09:48 > 0:09:55F-L-E-U-R. Like in The Forsyte Saga. It means flower in French. I wrote and told you.
0:09:57 > 0:10:03- The mail didn't always get to the places I've been. - You were in Devizes!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Officially.
0:10:07 > 0:10:14Could I stay here till the folks get back? I feel awful. The damp's playing THIS up.
0:10:14 > 0:10:21- What? Your leg? - I never talk about it.- Can't you stay at Bob's?- SHE wouldn't let me.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25- His mother?- No, Thelma, the fiancee. Wouldn't hear of it.
0:10:25 > 0:10:32It's awful at home. It's empty. No food. And the TV never gets a decent picture.
0:10:32 > 0:10:39You can't stop here, not with that cold. We could all go down with it.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- Wayne's very chesty.- Who's Wayne?
0:10:42 > 0:10:49- Terry, he's your godson. - Oh, THAT Wayne. I thought you'd got married again.
0:10:49 > 0:10:58- You owe him for four birthdays, four Christmasses and a christening. I'll take premium bonds.- What a welcome(!)
0:10:58 > 0:11:02Do you want a cup of tea? There are some cream crackers on the table.
0:11:02 > 0:11:08I didn't expect a champagne buffet with the mayor and a march past.
0:11:08 > 0:11:15But, after five years serving your country, you expect more than a cream cracker!
0:11:15 > 0:11:21- Sugar?- "Wipe your feet." "Don't sneeze."- Don't sit there. They're just ironed.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Oh, God.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Terry...? Terry?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35..Is that you?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Just tying a shoelace.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39What shoelace?
0:11:42 > 0:11:47No, the tongue got tangled with the toe and heel.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51- How are you?- Come to see the house? - No, no, I was just passing.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54I didn't know it was your house.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Is this your house?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- Coincidence, eh?- Aye.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05There she is.
0:12:07 > 0:12:14- 'Ey, it's a canny little house. - We haven't got a name for it yet. - You'll need one...
0:12:14 > 0:12:16or you'll never find it again!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19They're all the same, aren't they?
0:12:19 > 0:12:24- Rows of them.- No, they're not. They're quite different.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29Our living room's 16 by 12. They're 15 by 13 down there.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32He must be blind.
0:12:35 > 0:12:42Underfloor heating. We've gone all-electric, with plenty of points. They're well made, aren't they?
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- Is this wall plumb? - What? Of course it is!
0:12:51 > 0:12:56- What makes you think it isn't?- I've got an instinct for these things.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01- There's a nasty crack in that plaster.- Where? That's settlement.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06Bound to be a few teething troubles. Like having a new car.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- Having trouble with that an' all? - No!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Apart from the starter motor.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15- Fifteen. I only make it fifteen.- What?!
0:13:15 > 0:13:21- Fifteen, definitely. - It depends on your shoe size. You've got large feet.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29What the hell is that? The guillotine?
0:13:30 > 0:13:34I admit that is something that needs fixing.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38- I've broken my finger. - Not if you can wiggle...
0:13:38 > 0:13:42- Get off! - Have you noticed the windows?
0:13:42 > 0:13:50- Bags of light. It's a feature of these houses.- It means you're overlooked, being so cramped.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- There's no privacy. - Compared to where we grew up,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56this is Woburn Abbey!
0:13:56 > 0:14:01When we kids sneezed, next door said "Bless you!"
0:14:01 > 0:14:06But them houses had some character. These estates are depressing.
0:14:06 > 0:14:13The thought of you all getting up at the same time, eating the same low calorie cereal,
0:14:13 > 0:14:18coming home at half-six, and having it off the same two nights a week.
0:14:20 > 0:14:28We haven't had a chance to personalise it yet. Once everybody chooses their curtains and that...
0:14:28 > 0:14:33Got flair, has Thelma. We're having mauve and seaweed green.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36At least THAT'S unusual.
0:14:36 > 0:14:43- We wanted yellow, but next door's having that.- Exactly! You've said it all. It just seems sad to me
0:14:43 > 0:14:51that the only way to tell the difference between you all is by the colour of your curtains.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52So?
0:14:52 > 0:14:56What's wrong with a little modest progress?
0:14:56 > 0:15:02I've worked hard for five years and this is what I have to show for it.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06It might not be much, but it means a lot to me.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08As for YOUR lifestyle -
0:15:08 > 0:15:12you're homeless, jobless, car-less and single.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16What does that amount to? A bachelor pedestrian.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I'm sorry, kid.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24That wasn't a nice thing to say.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29It's stupid, anyway. Why should all this appeal to you, eh?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Being lumbered with a house and a wife isn't your scene.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Can you see YOU married?
0:15:36 > 0:15:43- With all those birds out there? - I- was always the one falling in love, not you.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46You're a born bachelor, aren't you?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48You're right.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- Naturally independent. - True.- There you are.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Only one problem.- What?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I'm married.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Pardon?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06I'm married!
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I am a married man.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Well, say something!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Haven't you got anything to say?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22..Got a bottle opener?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26What for?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29..I need a drink.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Right. Now, start at the beginning. I want it all.
0:16:44 > 0:16:50This is the story of my marriage, not the serial on Woman's Hour.
0:16:50 > 0:16:57It's the story of the century, mate. It's so unreal. It's like me getting a life peerage.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Or Hartlepool winning promotion.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05Why don't you invite all your mates round, eh?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I'll give an illustrated talk,
0:17:07 > 0:17:12and you can pee yourselves at my misfortune.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Misfortune?
0:17:15 > 0:17:24- The wounds are deep. The scars have not yet healed.- I didn't realise. - I've just learnt to live with it.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Forget it. Don't talk about it.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30If it hurts, you don't have to tell it all,
0:17:30 > 0:17:32just the recorded highlights.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36..You can't wait, can you?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I'm sorry.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44During the course of my military career,
0:17:44 > 0:17:48two things have left an imprint on me for life.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- The leg?- Apart from that.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53That I can live with. No...
0:17:53 > 0:17:58The first was when I got mortal in Hamburg and got my buttock tattoed.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04The second...
0:18:04 > 0:18:08was a rainy afternoon in November '69
0:18:08 > 0:18:13when Uta Paungarten, spinster of the parish of Gladbachenei,
0:18:13 > 0:18:15got married.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Incredible.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- Was she...?- Funnily enough, no.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27..Rich dad?
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Not especially. A few pfennigs put aside. Not much.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Love?!
0:18:36 > 0:18:43Always your last alternative(!) She's not in the club, not loaded, so it's love.
0:18:44 > 0:18:52Sorry, mate. I'm just going on what I know of you. Your priorities were always firmly worked out -
0:18:52 > 0:18:54do you or don't you, darling?
0:18:54 > 0:19:01If she did, you weren't fussy. You'd have had a frog if it had stopped hopping.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09I'm not denying I put it about a bit.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14But I am capable of deeper emotions than 'wham, bam, thank you, ma'am'.
0:19:14 > 0:19:22I'm not the person you used to know. I know now there's more to life than the physical.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26There's more to people than looks. I've changed.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30So...sex didn't come into it?
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Of course it did! I haven't changed all that much.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41We had no idea. It wasn't in the local rag. Your parents never said.
0:19:41 > 0:19:49They were against it. You know how my dad is about Germans. He won't even sit in our Audrey's Volkswagen.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- What went wrong?- What went right(?)
0:19:54 > 0:19:59I suppose it came down to communication. No point of contact.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02You can't spend all your time in bed.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07- You had nothing else in common? - Difficult to say.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10She didn't speak English.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14And I certainly wasn't going to learn German!
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Perhaps a child would have helped.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Or an interpreter.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Poor Terry. I never thought I'd hear me saying that.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33- I- never thought I'd hear you saying that.
0:20:33 > 0:20:39- I AM human. I do have some compassion.- Even for Terry? - For anyone who's suffered.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Is there no chance...?
0:20:42 > 0:20:46No, it's irrevoc... Irrev... Definite.
0:20:47 > 0:20:52It's a risk marrying a foreigner. They're so physical, the Germans.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56Yes, he said their relationship was physical.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01- Oh, you've been into all that?- We touched on it. He opened his heart.
0:21:01 > 0:21:08- Is he still very upset? - He's only just learnt to live with the pain.- Poor Terry.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- And he's had no comfort coming home.- Poor, poor boy.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I think he should stay with me.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Certainly not!
0:21:16 > 0:21:20He needs a shoulder to lean on, a helping hand.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Not YOUR shoulder.
0:21:23 > 0:21:29The two of you discussing physical things and the old days when you were both free.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- Where's all the compassion gone? - It hasn't.
0:21:33 > 0:21:38I just don't think you and he should be going into the perils of marriage.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41It's much better if he stays at my place.
0:21:41 > 0:21:49- No!- It's perfect. In these situations, a man needs a woman's sympathy.- Your parents are away.
0:21:49 > 0:21:56- Well, there'll be plenty of room. - You've never let ME stay, never! I'm always making dawn departures.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04I'm always losing sleep and risking the Breathalyser.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09YOU can't stay because of our situation, because of the neighbours.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Terry would be a guest, not a lover.
0:22:12 > 0:22:19- Give him half a chance... - I won't give him half a chance! - I'm not saying you will.
0:22:19 > 0:22:26But, on a Friday night after he's had a skinful, he can't take no for an answer.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29He gets the red mist.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33- I can handle Terry. - That's what he'll be hoping.
0:22:33 > 0:22:38You and I being engaged won't stop him chancing his arm
0:22:38 > 0:22:42or laying siege at your bedroom door.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46I am making an effort to get to know Terry. That WAS what you wanted.
0:22:46 > 0:22:54This morning you said I was unreasonable. Well, now I'm trying to be a friend to YOUR friend.
0:22:54 > 0:23:00I want you to be a friend to my friend. I don't want my friend getting too friendly.
0:23:00 > 0:23:05I'm glad we can all be friends. I'm very touched by Thelma's offer.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08And surprised.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13Well, one sniff of personal tragedy and women want to mother you.
0:23:13 > 0:23:19Being mothered by Thelma could open a new chapter in our relationship.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22That's why I put my foot down.
0:23:22 > 0:23:28- You what?! Don't you want me to be a friend of Thelma's? - Of course I do.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Oh, I can't have you staying there, man.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34You don't trust me, do you?
0:23:34 > 0:23:39- I am your best mate, and you don't trust me!- I do!
0:23:39 > 0:23:43You think, in the middle of the night, I'll be...
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- Laying siege. - At her bedroom door.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51No... Good God, if I can't trust my best friend, who CAN I trust?
0:23:51 > 0:23:55It's the neighbours, man. What would they think?
0:23:55 > 0:24:00It's OK if it's me. I always stay when her mother's away.
0:24:00 > 0:24:05But not a stranger. They're very small-minded, you know.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Aye. Still, it's a pity. Nice little house, Thelma's.
0:24:09 > 0:24:15I'll just have to make do with my own cold, empty, freezing house.
0:24:15 > 0:24:23No food. No hot-water bottle. Best not to stay with relatives cos if I get another dose of malaria...
0:24:25 > 0:24:32Still, I can see why you don't want me to stay in the comfort of Thelma's home.
0:24:32 > 0:24:38And why you didn't tell me until AFTER I'd helped with the shelves.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Where are you going?
0:24:40 > 0:24:45Oh, I'll wander down to the bus terminal cafe, get a cup of Oxo.
0:24:45 > 0:24:50If I stand next to the tea urn, I might get a bit of warmth.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53I've got it! You can stay HERE.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Here?!
0:24:55 > 0:24:58It's the obvious place. It's centrally heated,
0:24:58 > 0:25:03- there's tea in the kitchen, there's a wireless AND there's a bed.- Where?
0:25:03 > 0:25:06- Give me a hand with this.- Eh?
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Get the other end.
0:25:10 > 0:25:15I often stay here, trying to get this place together.
0:25:17 > 0:25:22I often come round here at night-time, you know...
0:25:22 > 0:25:27Do a bit of decorating... Thelma comes sometimes and gives me a hand.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29I see(!)
0:25:29 > 0:25:33A bit of pre-marital decorating, is it?
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Well, I can't at her place.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37I mean...
0:25:37 > 0:25:40I know, I know. The neighbours.
0:25:40 > 0:25:46- Well, it seems very comfy, I will say THAT.- It'll be our spare bed.
0:25:46 > 0:25:50Stay. I can't let you go limping off. You look knackered.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I am. I am.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Bob, you're on.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- Good lad. I'll get some blankets. - Champion.
0:26:02 > 0:26:07I'll come round in the morning and bring you some eggs and a paper.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11- That's good of you, mate. - Least I could do.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- Hey, Bob.- Yeah?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16You didn't trust me, did you?
0:26:16 > 0:26:19..No, I bloody didn't.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Bob?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Oh, darling,
0:26:35 > 0:26:41you've finished the shelves. They're lovely! You must have worked so hard.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44And I just bitch on and be unreasonable.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Sorry.
0:26:46 > 0:26:51I'll stay if you like. Do you want me to? You do, don't you?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Don't you want me to stay?
0:26:54 > 0:26:58You don't, do you? Well, DO you or DON'T you?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01It's all right. I'll stay.
0:27:05 > 0:27:10D'you know, pet, I'm not sure about that seaweed green now.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Don't wake up.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21God bless.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Darling?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Are you awake?
0:28:01 > 0:28:04This little piggy went to market...
0:28:08 > 0:28:11This little piggy stayed at home...
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Bo-ob?
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Bo-ob?
0:28:26 > 0:28:27Yes?
0:28:29 > 0:28:32- Bob?- What are YOU doing here?
0:28:32 > 0:28:36- What are you doing THERE? - Hullo, Thelma...
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Oh...!
0:28:38 > 0:28:40Oh, it's a conspiracy!
0:28:40 > 0:28:44I'm going to have a nervous breakdown!
0:28:44 > 0:28:48- You'd stop at nothing, you! - What have I done?
0:28:48 > 0:28:53I didn't know anything until three little piggies galloped up my spine!
0:28:55 > 0:28:57You devious b...!
0:28:57 > 0:28:59I told you to watch that hatch.
0:29:29 > 0:29:33Subtitles by Sharman Watt, Intelfax, for BBC Subtitling/1995