I'll Never Forget Whatshername

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0:00:01 > 0:00:04# Oh, what happened to you?

0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Whatever happened to me?

0:00:07 > 0:00:11# What became of the people

0:00:11 > 0:00:15# We used to be?

0:00:15 > 0:00:21# Tomorrow's almost over Today went by so fast

0:00:21 > 0:00:29# Is the only thing to look forward to the past? #

0:00:29 > 0:00:32Hello, is that Margaret? Margaret Bishop?

0:00:32 > 0:00:35It is? It's Terry Collier here.

0:00:35 > 0:00:37Collier.

0:00:37 > 0:00:42We once went out with each other and I promised to ring you back.

0:00:42 > 0:00:44When?

0:00:44 > 0:00:49It was January... January 17th 1967.

0:00:49 > 0:00:52Well I rang as soon as I could.

0:00:52 > 0:00:57I was in the army for five years. I couldn't get a line in the jungle.

0:00:57 > 0:01:02Collier. I was wondering if you'd like to go out one night...

0:01:02 > 0:01:05You what?

0:01:05 > 0:01:08Well, it wasn't me.

0:01:08 > 0:01:12Well, I'm sorry. It was just a joke. I...

0:01:12 > 0:01:15There's no need to take that attitude.

0:01:15 > 0:01:18And you, madam.

0:01:18 > 0:01:21Dear me!

0:01:35 > 0:01:38Oh, is that Teresa Palmer?

0:01:38 > 0:01:44Doesn't she? I'm an old friend. Do you know where I can get in touch with her?

0:01:44 > 0:01:48Convent of the Sacred Heart?!

0:01:48 > 0:01:51What is she? A nun or something?

0:01:51 > 0:01:53She IS a nun!

0:01:53 > 0:02:00Are you sure it's the same Teresa Palmer? Cos the one I knew was a right...

0:02:00 > 0:02:02Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs Palmer.

0:02:02 > 0:02:06No. no. No offence. Just a joke.

0:02:06 > 0:02:09No, no. No message.

0:02:10 > 0:02:13Hallelujah!

0:02:13 > 0:02:17Morag Maclean. No, I know she's married.

0:02:17 > 0:02:22Janice Armstrong. No, I'll get nowt there.

0:02:22 > 0:02:24June...?

0:02:24 > 0:02:27Oh, June! Hang on! Hang on!

0:02:27 > 0:02:30June was busting out all over.

0:02:36 > 0:02:39Is that June?

0:02:39 > 0:02:42Oh, doesn't she? Who did SHE marry?

0:02:42 > 0:02:46Never! Poor soul.

0:02:46 > 0:02:49Who's speaking, please?

0:02:49 > 0:02:51Really?

0:02:51 > 0:02:53Well, it's Terry Collier.

0:02:53 > 0:02:57I've been away for a few years. The army.

0:02:57 > 0:03:00Military hospital most of the time.

0:03:00 > 0:03:03No, I'm fine now. Fine. Fit as a fiddle.

0:03:03 > 0:03:08Apart from... I never talk about it.

0:03:08 > 0:03:09Collier.

0:03:09 > 0:03:15Well...tallish. Hair, brownish. Eyes, blueish.

0:03:15 > 0:03:20Physique, wiry. A steely glint to the eye.

0:03:20 > 0:03:24A dangerous half smile plays on my lips.

0:03:24 > 0:03:27What about the tattoo on your left buttock?

0:03:27 > 0:03:34- Your wooden leg and the steel plate in your brain? - Shut up! I'm cracking it here.

0:03:34 > 0:03:40I'm sorry. Are you still there? I can't remember your name...

0:03:40 > 0:03:43Ah, Linda. Of course! Of course!

0:03:43 > 0:03:45You're not married or anything?

0:03:45 > 0:03:48- Who is it?- June Craig's sister.

0:03:48 > 0:03:53So, er...Linda, what are you doing this weekend?

0:03:53 > 0:03:57Perhaps we could get together and talk over old times.

0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Terry.- Hang on, it's New York on the other line.

0:04:01 > 0:04:09- What's the matter?- Before you sweep this lady off her feet with your dangerous smile

0:04:09 > 0:04:14you ought to know last Sunday was Linda Craig's 12th birthday.

0:04:14 > 0:04:16What?!

0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Honestly?- Honestly.

0:04:19 > 0:04:22I've already... What do I say?

0:04:22 > 0:04:28New York needs you, or you're off to Paris to get your wooden leg French polished.

0:04:28 > 0:04:33Hello, Linda. I really only rang up to say hello to the family

0:04:33 > 0:04:39and to wish you a happy birthday. So... Pardon?!

0:04:41 > 0:04:45- Are you sure she's only twelve? - Yes, definitely.

0:04:45 > 0:04:48Must be these comprehensive schools.

0:04:48 > 0:04:55- No luck?- Five married, three moved, one insult and a nun. - A nun?- Teresa Palmer.

0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Hallelujah!- And she used to...

0:04:58 > 0:05:01I know! I know! Frequently!

0:05:01 > 0:05:04Using a 1967 address book can't help.

0:05:04 > 0:05:08It's my only contact with the past.

0:05:08 > 0:05:14My life stopped there. Cut off, thanks to someone not a million miles away.

0:05:14 > 0:05:19- Five years. They'll be out of date. - Ten calls and not a nibble.

0:05:19 > 0:05:25- Ingrid Wyebrew?- Married. - Maggie Bishop?- Married with child. - Nancy Ridley?

0:05:25 > 0:05:31- Moved to Shrewsbury.- Where's Shrewsbury?- League Division Three.

0:05:31 > 0:05:34Jocelyn James. You were keen on her.

0:05:34 > 0:05:42Aye, she was a canny lass. She's married, lives near Berwick. Two kids. Husband's a corn merchant.

0:05:42 > 0:05:45- Really. - Aye, our Audrey keeps in touch.

0:05:45 > 0:05:50She says they seem very happy. Never short of millet.

0:05:50 > 0:05:54- I know her sister's number. - OK.- You'll need change.- Why?

0:05:54 > 0:05:57It's Melbourne 4211.

0:05:57 > 0:06:02- Very amusing. Give us me book back. - No. Hang on!

0:06:02 > 0:06:06Even if I do trace anybody we'll have nothing in common.

0:06:06 > 0:06:09I've got no links with girls here.

0:06:09 > 0:06:13Glenys Roberts. You took her to see the Sound of Music.

0:06:13 > 0:06:17She left at the intermission - felt ill.

0:06:17 > 0:06:22- And you didn't go with her?- What? Front-circle seats, 15 bob a time!

0:06:22 > 0:06:25And I queued for them in the rain.

0:06:25 > 0:06:29It's still showing. Take her to the second half.

0:06:29 > 0:06:32She's not on the phone.

0:06:32 > 0:06:36Most of those girls weren't on the phone.

0:06:36 > 0:06:41I'm not traipsing the streets on spec, picking the key to box 13.

0:06:41 > 0:06:45Time hasn't been kind to some girls here,

0:06:45 > 0:06:47whereas fellas seem to keep younger.

0:06:47 > 0:06:53I'm better looking than I was five years ago. Better hair and clothes.

0:06:53 > 0:06:55True. True.

0:06:55 > 0:07:00After you've adjusted you might be the same.

0:07:00 > 0:07:03What's the matter with me clothes?

0:07:03 > 0:07:09You look dated. If you meet a girl from five years ago she'll recognise you.

0:07:09 > 0:07:12Time's stood still, appearance-wise.

0:07:12 > 0:07:17I've been in the forces. You can't expect me to look like Jethro Tull.

0:07:17 > 0:07:24Take a week to adjust, get some decent gear, then ring round.

0:07:24 > 0:07:29- When I get a "yes" I'll have long hair.- Tried them all?- And these.

0:07:29 > 0:07:331965, 1966... Have you got all your diaries?

0:07:33 > 0:07:39The Sunday Times might run them. "Terry Collier. Diaries Volume One.

0:07:39 > 0:07:42"The artist's formative years.

0:07:42 > 0:07:47"His struggle from Park Secondary Modern to Ellison's Electrics."

0:07:47 > 0:07:53You never can tell. They'll give somebody in the future a whole clue as to a way of life.

0:07:53 > 0:07:56Oh, definitely!

0:07:56 > 0:08:02They capture the turbulence of the mid-sixties, the excitement of our lifestyle.

0:08:02 > 0:08:04March 5th -

0:08:04 > 0:08:10"Had to walk home. Had a puncture near the lead factory. Got soaked.

0:08:10 > 0:08:16"Met Sheila. She's leaving me for a welder at Swan Hunter's." Riveting!

0:08:18 > 0:08:22"Couldn't care less. Made tea, watched Come Dancing.

0:08:22 > 0:08:25"I've got a cold coming on."

0:08:25 > 0:08:28What times to have been alive in(!)

0:08:28 > 0:08:32I did have a cold an' all. I was in bed for a week.

0:08:32 > 0:08:37Look! September 27th 1967. Blackpool illuminations.

0:08:37 > 0:08:41Supporters' Club outing. You weren't on that.

0:08:41 > 0:08:44- Wasn't I?- No, you had an abscess.

0:08:44 > 0:08:48That's right, from learning to play the harmonica.

0:08:48 > 0:08:53We stopped at Kendal for a pint. George Murray fell off the pier.

0:08:53 > 0:08:57Got the back seat in the coach... Hello!

0:08:57 > 0:09:00- What? - I've given this girl two stars.

0:09:00 > 0:09:07- Who?- There's just a number in eyebrow pencil and two stars! - Nothing to get excited about.

0:09:07 > 0:09:14- Depends how many stars you had in your system.- Seven. It was seven.

0:09:14 > 0:09:16That was the British standard.

0:09:16 > 0:09:23One, kissing with mouth closed. Two, with mouth open. Three, upstairs outside...

0:09:23 > 0:09:29British Standard! I wasn't governed by that. My system had three stars.

0:09:29 > 0:09:31- And you got two of them.- In a bus!

0:09:31 > 0:09:34Ring her up!

0:09:34 > 0:09:36Naa!

0:09:36 > 0:09:39- After five years!- It's worth a try.

0:09:39 > 0:09:43I might later on when I've supped a few more.

0:09:43 > 0:09:48- When the alcohol's stirred my loins. Another?- No. I've got to be off.

0:09:48 > 0:09:53- Off! Off where? - I'm due at Thelma's. I told you.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55She's possessive!

0:09:55 > 0:10:01- She's not.- You're leaving me, in other words?- In other words, yes.

0:10:01 > 0:10:03You're leaving me alone,

0:10:03 > 0:10:07with useless addresses and unobtainable numbers.

0:10:07 > 0:10:11- Ring up "two stars". - What's the point?

0:10:11 > 0:10:18She must have been a right slag if she gave you two stars in a coach from Blackpool.

0:10:18 > 0:10:22- She'll never remember me. - How could she forget?

0:10:22 > 0:10:27The lights and the candyfloss and Reg Dixon at his organ.

0:10:27 > 0:10:31Coming home - passion across the Pennines.

0:10:31 > 0:10:35- Course she'll remember! Good luck. - Cheers!

0:10:38 > 0:10:41Another pint of special, love, please.

0:10:44 > 0:10:50- Don't we know each other from a few years back?- I don't think so, pet.

0:10:50 > 0:10:52Are you sure?

0:10:52 > 0:10:56Terry Collier. I've been away in the forces.

0:10:56 > 0:10:59A secret mission -

0:10:59 > 0:11:01Vietnam.

0:11:02 > 0:11:04North Vietnam.

0:11:04 > 0:11:08I've never been to Vietnam. Been to Mallorca.

0:11:08 > 0:11:12Maybe we went to school together.

0:11:12 > 0:11:18No. I think I'd have remembered someone of...your build.

0:11:24 > 0:11:27By, that's an asset, isn't it?

0:11:27 > 0:11:31- Pardon, sir?- That's an asset since I was here last.

0:11:31 > 0:11:33Eee, look at that! Look at that!

0:11:33 > 0:11:38She's a big lass. I could fancy her. Don't you?

0:11:38 > 0:11:40Yes, I married her.

0:11:42 > 0:11:47Hello, Pam. It's Thelma here. How are you?

0:11:47 > 0:11:52Yes, he's fine. He's here now. He sends his love. Yes I will.

0:11:52 > 0:11:55Are you still going out with Morris?

0:11:55 > 0:11:57Oh, you're not?

0:11:58 > 0:12:01Did he? DID he?

0:12:01 > 0:12:03You're well out of it, pet.

0:12:03 > 0:12:09I'm ringing because a friend of Bob's has just come back from abroad.

0:12:09 > 0:12:12It would be nice if the four of us went out.

0:12:12 > 0:12:15Terry. Terry Collier.

0:12:15 > 0:12:20Oh, you remember him, do you?

0:12:20 > 0:12:23Never mind. It was just a thought.

0:12:23 > 0:12:28I'll come round and have a coffee sometime, shall I? Right. Bye.

0:12:28 > 0:12:34- You tried. Sit down.- I'm not keen on fixing up my friends with Terry.

0:12:34 > 0:12:37He can be a bit coarse.

0:12:37 > 0:12:43He'll just have to fend for himself. He'll be phoning "two stars" by now.

0:12:43 > 0:12:47- Who's this? - Oh, just a number in eyebrow pencil.

0:12:47 > 0:12:53- Two stars?- When we were kids we had this adolescent sexual scale.

0:12:53 > 0:12:58One star, kissing with your mouth closed. Two, with your mouth open.

0:12:58 > 0:13:01Three was upstairs outside...

0:13:01 > 0:13:04Upstairs outside!

0:13:04 > 0:13:08What does that mean? On the bedroom windowsill?

0:13:08 > 0:13:13- Don't be naive, pet.- Four was with ladder and five was without?

0:13:13 > 0:13:17- No...dearest. Four... - I know what four stars was.

0:13:17 > 0:13:20And five, six and seven.

0:13:20 > 0:13:24It was what you complained about never getting.

0:13:24 > 0:13:27You all lied anyway, you boys.

0:13:27 > 0:13:30Subtract three and you got a true picture.

0:13:30 > 0:13:34There's only three stars in Terry's system.

0:13:34 > 0:13:36He never had our finesse.

0:13:36 > 0:13:39Nor did the girls he went out with.

0:13:39 > 0:13:43PHONE RINGS Excuse me, pet.

0:13:46 > 0:13:47Hello.

0:13:47 > 0:13:51Yes, this is 21717.

0:13:51 > 0:13:54I'm sorry?

0:13:54 > 0:13:59Some mad man says do I remember Blackpool illuminations, 1967?

0:14:04 > 0:14:07I'll get you for this, Collier!

0:14:07 > 0:14:13You've got a nerve coming here! Don't you feel a sense of embarrassment?

0:14:13 > 0:14:16Just a sense of having had too many.

0:14:16 > 0:14:20Working up courage to ring numbers from the past.

0:14:20 > 0:14:24Come on, Bob, man. I only did it for a joke.

0:14:24 > 0:14:28I thought you'd have a laugh over your cocoa.

0:14:30 > 0:14:33Thelma did say it was a joke?

0:14:33 > 0:14:40Thelma's attitude was strange. She went pale and developed a twitch in her left ear.

0:14:40 > 0:14:43I had to give her some sal volatile.

0:14:43 > 0:14:46Was that wise on top of cocoa?

0:14:46 > 0:14:50She doesn't think she was on that trip,

0:14:50 > 0:14:54- but with the passing of time... - And eight gins.

0:14:54 > 0:14:58How did you know? She WAS there. That proves it.

0:14:58 > 0:15:01- Oh, God!- Don't take on like that!

0:15:01 > 0:15:05You're the skeleton in my bride-to-be's cupboard.

0:15:05 > 0:15:09I'm not that thin. Wiry, but no skeleton.

0:15:09 > 0:15:15You don't care. No shame or regrets about driving a wedge between us.

0:15:15 > 0:15:22- A wedge couldn't prise you apart. - Betrayed by the two people closest to me in the world.

0:15:22 > 0:15:25On the back seat of a bus.

0:15:25 > 0:15:29- Course you weren't. - Two stars. I can't live with that.

0:15:29 > 0:15:33You know I exaggerate. It was probably one.

0:15:33 > 0:15:38On a three-star scale? One's still a 33% success rate.

0:15:38 > 0:15:42Bob, it was years ago. We were children.

0:15:42 > 0:15:46Children carried away by drinks and the singsong.

0:15:46 > 0:15:51Children get very emotional after 14 pints and "The Blaydon Races".

0:15:51 > 0:15:54Thirty-three per cent.

0:15:54 > 0:15:59We weren't as bad as the others. We kept a sense of dignity and modesty.

0:15:59 > 0:16:03Eileen Hogg was in the luggage rack...

0:16:03 > 0:16:05with the accordionist.

0:16:05 > 0:16:11And meanwhile I was sick in bed. You took advantage of my abscess.

0:16:11 > 0:16:17I didn't take advantage at all. You weren't going out with Thelma then.

0:16:17 > 0:16:20You haven't always been with her.

0:16:20 > 0:16:22..It just seems that way.

0:16:24 > 0:16:28It was years ago. It was kids, not grown-ups.

0:16:28 > 0:16:32Juveniles not sophisticated adults like what we are now.

0:16:32 > 0:16:37- It was still a shock. - Do you want the sal volatile?

0:16:37 > 0:16:41I'm vulnerable to things like this. I'm too soft.

0:16:41 > 0:16:44Too trusting. Too loving.

0:16:44 > 0:16:50God preserve us! What are these? Been looking at your diaries?

0:16:50 > 0:16:55Yes. Looking for some note I might have made hinting at my suspicions.

0:16:55 > 0:16:57- How trusting!- It was justified.

0:16:57 > 0:17:01There's a note I made at the time.

0:17:01 > 0:17:06"Terry came round wearing his new hipsters and a smug face.

0:17:06 > 0:17:12- "He knows something." - It'll never stand up in court.

0:17:12 > 0:17:16I'll never get on a bus again without shudders of doubt.

0:17:16 > 0:17:20That's a bad thing - shudders of doubt.

0:17:20 > 0:17:24She could have told me sometime after we were engaged,

0:17:24 > 0:17:28or, better still, just after it happened.

0:17:28 > 0:17:34She could have told me. I'd have understood and been forgiving and adult about it.

0:17:34 > 0:17:37I'd have gone to your house

0:17:37 > 0:17:41kicked your head in and all would've been forgiven.

0:17:41 > 0:17:45If only everyone could be that reasonable.

0:17:45 > 0:17:50- Let's have a look. - Get off! It's private, isn't it?

0:17:50 > 0:17:54It's a record of my thoughts. It's personal.

0:17:54 > 0:17:58I want to glance at the addresses, not read it.

0:17:58 > 0:18:01It'd betray those girls' confidence.

0:18:01 > 0:18:08- They don't want to fall into your grubby grasp. I've got integrity. - Howay, man!

0:18:08 > 0:18:12They'll all be the same as mine anyway.

0:18:12 > 0:18:15Yes. There they all are.

0:18:15 > 0:18:18Same old tired names.

0:18:18 > 0:18:20Dear me!

0:18:21 > 0:18:23Hell's teeth!

0:18:23 > 0:18:26What is it? I mean, who is it?

0:18:26 > 0:18:30- How many stars in your system? - I told you, seven.

0:18:30 > 0:18:33You've given Wendy Thwaites eight!

0:18:33 > 0:18:36Let's have a look at that!

0:18:36 > 0:18:40One, two, three, four, five, six... seven, eight!

0:18:40 > 0:18:46Must mean you got all the way there and went back to the start. "One more time Ferris!"

0:18:46 > 0:18:51No, it didn't mean that. I know what it means now.

0:18:51 > 0:18:56You gave yourself a bonus point? "E" for effort!

0:18:56 > 0:19:00Please. She was...the first.

0:19:00 > 0:19:03That's why I gave her another star.

0:19:03 > 0:19:06I see. Like a commemorative medal?

0:19:06 > 0:19:09Don't joke about it.

0:19:09 > 0:19:15- It was a long time ago but she meant something.- Wendy Thwaites?

0:19:15 > 0:19:20- Yes.- Are you sure?- It wasn't such a common occurrence you'd forget it.

0:19:20 > 0:19:23No, I meant Wendy? I didn't think anybody...

0:19:23 > 0:19:26I did!

0:19:26 > 0:19:30That staggers me, that really does!

0:19:30 > 0:19:35Wendy Thwaites...I mean she had such a repressed upbringing.

0:19:35 > 0:19:41Her mother used to hand out leaflets about the end of the world.

0:19:41 > 0:19:46Her father supported Sunderland so it was hardly a house of merriment.

0:19:46 > 0:19:50I suppose she was expressing her rebellion.

0:19:50 > 0:19:56I thought her only expression was ballroom dancing. All she wanted was a Gay Gordon.

0:19:56 > 0:20:00- I rather caught her off guard. - What happened?

0:20:00 > 0:20:03I picked her up after a competition.

0:20:03 > 0:20:08- She won, so she was all radiant and elated with success.- Success?

0:20:08 > 0:20:16She'd become the 1966 Co-operative Society regional subdivision pasa doble champion.

0:20:16 > 0:20:18My God! Tomorrow, the world!

0:20:18 > 0:20:21Next was the northeast eliminators.

0:20:21 > 0:20:26That would turn a young girl's head. Too much too soon.

0:20:26 > 0:20:29Aye! I suppose it did turn her head.

0:20:29 > 0:20:33Flushed with victory and Babycham and the sash and cup,

0:20:33 > 0:20:39- the rhythm of Ernie Blenkinsop's Afro-Cubans.- A star was born!

0:20:39 > 0:20:45She came home with me. Mother was away. I don't think she really knew where she was.

0:20:45 > 0:20:50Her mind was on the quarterfinals and the pasa doble.

0:20:51 > 0:20:55It was all very fumbling. Those dresses!

0:20:55 > 0:20:58- Hand sewn.- Satin bodice.- Fetching(!)

0:20:58 > 0:21:03I didn't know much. I'd had a few in the ballroom's Kontiki lounge.

0:21:03 > 0:21:05Things were a bit blurred.

0:21:05 > 0:21:11But it happened all right. When I woke up my bed was full of sequins.

0:21:12 > 0:21:17Wendy Thwaites! Who would have thought it?

0:21:17 > 0:21:20You never said anything about it.

0:21:20 > 0:21:25Out of respect for her and the good name of ballroom dancing.

0:21:25 > 0:21:29She was distraught, thinking of giving up.

0:21:29 > 0:21:33- She'd only just started! - I meant the dancing, not...

0:21:33 > 0:21:35I was going to say!

0:21:35 > 0:21:40You might have given us a hint. Keeping quiet like that.

0:21:40 > 0:21:45We're not all like you, shouting sexual conquests from the roof tops.

0:21:45 > 0:21:47You'd take out ads on the telly.

0:21:47 > 0:21:54That is unkind! The reason for this depressing situation is my LACK of sexual conquest.

0:21:54 > 0:21:58Wendy Thwaites. Where are you? I need you.

0:21:58 > 0:22:02She's still around - with the Aida Bistle formation team.

0:22:02 > 0:22:07You should join. You might twirl your way into her affections.

0:22:07 > 0:22:11Jackie Norris was a fair-looking girl.

0:22:11 > 0:22:14Jackie Norris. She had some form.

0:22:14 > 0:22:18- Did you go out with her long? - Once or twice.

0:22:18 > 0:22:22- I think I did.- Ring her. - What's the use?

0:22:22 > 0:22:24It's a futile exercise.

0:22:24 > 0:22:27Anyway, who needs it? No sweat.

0:22:27 > 0:22:29She didn't half have a pair!

0:22:29 > 0:22:32Where's the phone?

0:22:33 > 0:22:36Hang on a minute. I'll do it.

0:22:36 > 0:22:41- You?- Your success rate's a bit low. Rang ten, won none. Look and learn.

0:22:41 > 0:22:44Go on then, Casanova(!)

0:22:45 > 0:22:49Her brother was Les Norris, the cyclist and potholer.

0:22:49 > 0:22:54- That's right. Tall boy with a stoop. - The potholing.

0:22:54 > 0:22:56It's ringing.

0:22:56 > 0:22:59Or the cycling.

0:22:59 > 0:23:01Oh, hello. Is Jackie there, please?

0:23:01 > 0:23:07Yes, of course it is. How could I ever forget that husky sexy voice.

0:23:07 > 0:23:09Ha! Ha!

0:23:09 > 0:23:12Oh, this is Terry. Terry Collier.

0:23:12 > 0:23:15I don't expect you'll remember me.

0:23:15 > 0:23:21That's right - of Bob-and-Terry fame.

0:23:21 > 0:23:24Ha! Ha! You do remember?

0:23:24 > 0:23:27- How could she forget?- I have.

0:23:27 > 0:23:31I've been abroad actually, in the army.

0:23:31 > 0:23:35I'm not able to disclose where - Official Secrets Act.

0:23:35 > 0:23:39Let me ask you three questions. Are you married?

0:23:39 > 0:23:42Engaged?

0:23:42 > 0:23:44Are you free to go out one night?

0:23:46 > 0:23:48I'll ring tomorrow.

0:23:48 > 0:23:53I'LL look forward to it, Jackie. Bye.

0:23:55 > 0:23:58Great pullers are born, not made.

0:24:00 > 0:24:03- She's late.- That'll be the traffic.

0:24:03 > 0:24:08Her own car, that's a change from the old days. She'll drive YOU home.

0:24:08 > 0:24:15That's a thought. I might have to fight her off. She won't get three stars on the first date.

0:24:15 > 0:24:20Didn't her brother cycle down potholes or something?

0:24:20 > 0:24:23- Something like that. - DOORBELL

0:24:23 > 0:24:28Let her in! Before his knees collapse(!)

0:24:28 > 0:24:33- I still can't remember her. - I've got a vivid impression of her,

0:24:33 > 0:24:35it just stops at her throat.

0:24:36 > 0:24:41There you are, Jackie. Do you remember those two?

0:24:41 > 0:24:44- The dynamic duo. - How could I ever forget?

0:24:44 > 0:24:47Forget him?

0:24:48 > 0:24:51Hello, Terry love, how are you?

0:24:53 > 0:24:56It's marvellous to see you again. And you, Bob.

0:24:56 > 0:25:00Thelma told me you're engaged. Congratulations!

0:25:00 > 0:25:04- There's...- Why'd you join the army? To forget me?

0:25:04 > 0:25:06Jackie...

0:25:06 > 0:25:11Don't interrupt, Bob. It's obviously an occasion for Jackie to see Terry.

0:25:11 > 0:25:17You ringing brought it all back. I looked up my diaries and letters.

0:25:17 > 0:25:22- Look what I found.- Oh. - Just look at those clothes!

0:25:22 > 0:25:25- September 27th 1967.- At least!

0:25:25 > 0:25:32- Twenty-seventh?- September. - Well, sit down, Jackie. That's all in the past. Sherry?

0:25:32 > 0:25:36- I was in Blackpool. - So was I, on an outing.

0:25:36 > 0:25:41- Spanish or Cyprus?- Supporters' Club. You pretended you were ill.

0:25:41 > 0:25:46- I was ill. I was. I had an abscess. - An abscess?

0:25:46 > 0:25:51We sneaked off to the country. It was very romantic.

0:25:51 > 0:25:54Abscess made the heart grow fonder?

0:25:54 > 0:25:57That's very witty, Bob.

0:25:57 > 0:26:01- Did he take his harmonica? - He didn't play it!

0:26:01 > 0:26:04There's vodka or...

0:26:04 > 0:26:07Your memory has got confused over the years.

0:26:07 > 0:26:11- There's beer. - Terry isn't Terry. He's Bob.

0:26:11 > 0:26:18- Terry over here's Terry. That, the object of your nostalgic affection, is Bob.- Is it?

0:26:18 > 0:26:22I always got them confused. What's in a name?

0:26:24 > 0:26:31- That's MY Bob, even though he's deceitful and sneaks off to the Cheviots with Jackie Norris.- Thelma!

0:26:31 > 0:26:35Thelma, it wasn't the passion of a lifetime.

0:26:35 > 0:26:38It was just a snog on a rainy day in Wooler.

0:26:38 > 0:26:43- Yes, now, there's port or stout. - He was never serious about me.

0:26:43 > 0:26:46Too hung up on Wendy Thwaites.

0:26:48 > 0:26:51- Wendy Thwaites?- Don't look at me.

0:26:58 > 0:27:01It was nice, to cut out like that,

0:27:01 > 0:27:06leaving me with the Wendy Thwaites revelation. Thanks a bunch.

0:27:06 > 0:27:08Don't come whining to me.

0:27:08 > 0:27:15Always the innocent. Too trusting! You've been putting it about more than anyone.

0:27:15 > 0:27:18I have always been faithful to Thelma,

0:27:18 > 0:27:20in principle.

0:27:20 > 0:27:24In principle. You've made an art of infidelity.

0:27:24 > 0:27:28Now your past's catching up. I wish mine would.

0:27:29 > 0:27:33- Is it Terry Collier?- Yes.

0:27:33 > 0:27:37- It's Glenys. Glenys Roberts. - Glenys!

0:27:37 > 0:27:41I haven't seen you since the Sound of Music.

0:27:41 > 0:27:44Of course. You feeling better?

0:27:47 > 0:27:49Yes, thanks. I heard you were back.

0:27:49 > 0:27:52- Would you like a...- No, I work here.

0:27:52 > 0:27:54Perhaps later?

0:27:54 > 0:28:00Certainly. Certainly. We could talk over old times.

0:28:00 > 0:28:04- Happy days!- Weren't they just? - Such fond memories.

0:28:04 > 0:28:09- Bob!- Glenys! - Bob, how wonderful to see you!

0:28:12 > 0:28:14I'll swing for him.

0:28:14 > 0:28:17I will! I'll bloody swing for him!

0:28:43 > 0:28:47Intelfax Subtitles by Kate Shaw for BBC Subtitling, 1995