0:00:01 > 0:00:04# Oh, what happened to you?
0:00:04 > 0:00:08# Whatever happened to me?
0:00:08 > 0:00:15# What became of the people we used to be?
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Tomorrow's almost over
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# Today went by so fast
0:00:21 > 0:00:29# Is the only thing to look forward to the past? #
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Oh! Oh, God!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49I'm knackered.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- I've got a splinter. - What about my bad back?
0:00:53 > 0:00:57- What bad back? - I've always had a bad back.
0:00:57 > 0:01:04I suffer from a spinal weakness. I've been warned against lifting heavy objects.
0:01:04 > 0:01:10- Lifting these'll strengthen it therapy, like. - Only under medical supervision.
0:01:10 > 0:01:18- I'm sorry but Dr Clark was too busy to supervise us humping tea chests. - I might be doing it wrong.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22I might make the wrong movements. It could be fatal.
0:01:22 > 0:01:28- It hasn't done me cartilage any good.- Make up your mind.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30What do you mean?
0:01:30 > 0:01:37Decide whether you're superbly fit or a crippled wreck. Mr Universe or a walking miracle.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40I don't think I quite follow.
0:01:40 > 0:01:46Just because I sustained serious injuries during time in the Army...
0:01:46 > 0:01:48I don't think I follow you.
0:01:48 > 0:01:53You're always on about pole-vaulting and commando karate,
0:01:53 > 0:01:58but if there's any work you're a shadow of your former self,
0:01:58 > 0:02:00kept alive by advanced medicine.
0:02:00 > 0:02:07There's the gratitude I get for risking permanent injury to my spine.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11If it isn't your spine, it's your leg or your cartilage,
0:02:11 > 0:02:15or an attack of the dreaded Burmese malaria.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Amazing how friends turn on you.
0:02:17 > 0:02:22The thought of my real friends kept me going in the forces.
0:02:22 > 0:02:29Many's the time I've lain awake in the hot tropic night, alone with me memories,
0:02:29 > 0:02:34me hand clasped around a can of anti-mosquito spray.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Tropics? You weren't east of Cyprus.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Officially.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Officially! You have to stop this military fantasy.
0:02:44 > 0:02:50You were a lance corporal in the REME, not Lawrence of Arabia or Biggles.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Biggles was in the Air Force.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59You weren't confined to one branch of the services(!)
0:02:59 > 0:03:03You flew Phantoms after that spell in submarines(!)
0:03:03 > 0:03:08I've done my bit, played my part and got a war wound to show for it.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13Which war? You were in Germany, but they made the peace there in 1945.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17You must have read about it. It was in all the papers.
0:03:17 > 0:03:23There was no withering sarcasm before I helped with these chests.
0:03:23 > 0:03:30Then it was, "Please, Terry" or, "Do you think you could see your way clear, Terry, old pal?"
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- I'm doing this as a favour. - You're doing it for beer!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I can drink a lot when I'm annoyed.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Let's have some tea. I'm parched.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- I'll make it. Got any milk? - In the fridge.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47This tea won't take the edge off my thirst.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Eee!
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Eee!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Dib, dib, dib.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Boo! >
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Hello, Thelma. I didn't expect you.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21I got a lift to work so I brought the tea service. It's in the hall.
0:04:21 > 0:04:27- How are you getting on? - We made a start. Do you want tea? - I haven't got time.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- What's this?- Just some stuff.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35Where are the new lamps, and the laundry basket? Where's anything?
0:04:35 > 0:04:40- I haven't got round to those things. - Well, you've got around to all this.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- What is it?- They're my to... Just personal effects.
0:04:44 > 0:04:50All this is personal effects? You think we're hoarding this in our new home?
0:04:50 > 0:04:55They're my favourite things. That's my past in there.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59I don't want your past in here. It isn't fit for indoors.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03They're all souvenirs.
0:05:03 > 0:05:09They're old books and broken toys. Be reasonable, we haven't got the cupboard space.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12I'm not sweeping my heritage into a dustbin.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16But these things are meaningless now.
0:05:16 > 0:05:22We haven't got a spare room or an attic. We'd have to place them in the house.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Everyone'll see them.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30Do you want friends to see our shelf units covered in Rupert annuals?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32The Bumper Adventure Book for Boys!
0:05:32 > 0:05:37Where shall we put Nudes of 1959? The guest room?
0:05:37 > 0:05:43I'll make room...somewhere. In the garage, or I'll build a garden shed.
0:05:43 > 0:05:49You've got no use for these. When did you last need the 1956 Picture Goer Annual?
0:05:49 > 0:05:53- 19...56.- When do you anticipate looking at it again?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I might need it for reference.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- What sort of reference? - Suppose you said,
0:06:00 > 0:06:04"Remember that circus picture with Sophia Loren?"
0:06:04 > 0:06:08I'd point out it was Gina Lollobrigida,
0:06:08 > 0:06:12in Trapeze, also with Burt Lancaster and Gloria Grahame.
0:06:12 > 0:06:17So we fill up our lovely home with useless remnants of your past
0:06:17 > 0:06:23so every few years you can win some pointless argument about Gina Lollobrigida.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Are you keeping this for reference?
0:06:29 > 0:06:35- And what about these? - It'd be a shame to throw those out.
0:06:35 > 0:06:40- One day you'll want to see the cars people used to drive.- No, I won't.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Well, our...children might.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45We won't have any children
0:06:45 > 0:06:52because our nursery will have been turned into a museum to the 1950s.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55People don't make Rileys anymore!
0:06:55 > 0:07:00I don't want this a museum. I want nice pieces round me, not exhibits.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03I want ornaments, not mementos.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- Brmm! Brmm! - Stop playing with your Riley!
0:07:06 > 0:07:10- Take them all away.- Where to? - Your mother's.
0:07:10 > 0:07:16She's let my room to a student from Zambia and he doesn't want them.
0:07:16 > 0:07:22Try the dustman or the childrens' hospital. I must go, I'm late. Bye.
0:07:22 > 0:07:27And please, pet, all gone when I get back.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Don't give Nudes of 1959 to the kids' hospital.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- Coast clear, is it?- Aye.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- Gloria Grahame wasn't in Trapeze. - Gloria Grahame?
0:07:42 > 0:07:47- It was the Greatest Show on Earth. - She worked at Woolworths.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- - That was Gloria Gaydon. - I wonder what happened to her.
0:07:51 > 0:07:57I've got a picture of her. I've got pictures of almost everyone we knew.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Oh, I deserve this, but.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05- How're you feeling, mate? - Better for this.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10- How's your back?- It's not so bad, thanks. Considering.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13The leg, not too much pain?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17It'll be all right if I keep it up. Why?
0:08:17 > 0:08:22I was just wondering, like, if you might do me a favour.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23Old pal.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Oh, just there. Lower! Lower down.
0:08:55 > 0:09:01That's it! Ooh! God, tomorrow I'll have to see someone about meself.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03You're in for a busy day then,
0:09:03 > 0:09:08with the osteopath, the physio and the Hospital for Tropical Diseases.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12More of your sarc and you'll need casualty.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Steady! You haven't got the knack.
0:09:14 > 0:09:20I'm inhibited. What if me mother caught you with your pants down?
0:09:20 > 0:09:24She doesn't care what goes on as long as you wipe your feet first.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- That's enough, man. - Does it feel any better?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30A little.
0:09:30 > 0:09:36My hands might have hidden natural healing powers.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40I had trouble with me back when I was in Germany.
0:09:40 > 0:09:45I went to this health clinic near Munchen. Those girls had the knack.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Health clinic?!
0:09:47 > 0:09:54It was a proper, respectable place with a Turkish bath and a receptionist in a white coat.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57There was this girl there.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00It was obvious she fancied me.
0:10:00 > 0:10:05It was more than that. She was fond of me. She only charged half price.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10Surely that was because there's so little of you to massage.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14It was firm, supple muscle a welcome change,
0:10:14 > 0:10:19instead of flabby Krauts reeking of garlic.
0:10:19 > 0:10:24Her clients were fat businessmen from advertising agencies,
0:10:24 > 0:10:29staggering in from their drunken lunches, puffing their long cigars.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Then one day...there was me.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36A young soldier in a strange land.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38She smiled and I smiled back.
0:10:38 > 0:10:45- I knew. I could tell what she was thinking. - "Good, I'll be home early tonight."
0:10:45 > 0:10:49"How nice to stick my thumbs into something young."
0:10:49 > 0:10:54Anyway, I started to see more and more of her.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Presumably she'd seen everything there was of you!
0:10:58 > 0:11:03Surprising things developed I'd never felt before.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Like biceps!
0:11:05 > 0:11:10I'm trying to tell you something serious how I met my wife.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Your wife. Ute?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I'm sorry, I didn't realise.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20I thought it was another fantasy.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23You never told me she was a masseur.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Masseuse.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29- I meant that. - A good 'un. She had a diploma.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34Must have been a strange... courtship.
0:11:34 > 0:11:39I suppose it was, seeing her twice a week with a towel round me waist.
0:11:39 > 0:11:46I took two months to get up the nerve to ask her out. They aren't meant to see clients.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- It's a funny thing.- What?
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Our first date, we arranged to meet outside a cinema.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56She walked straight past me.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00She'd never seen me with me clothes on before.
0:12:03 > 0:12:11- You don't often talk about her. - Not often, no. - You hardly ever mention her.
0:12:11 > 0:12:17I know. It's just that times like this I think of her.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Times like what?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22When me back's bloody killing me!
0:12:22 > 0:12:26You relax, kid. I'll unpack this lot.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30Unpack? I thought you had to get rid of it.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33It's just until I decide where to put it.
0:12:33 > 0:12:39You're a hoarder. You can't chuck anything away. This is still here.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44- Mind his ear.- His ear's the only thing left to hold on to.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49What use is a bald, blind teddy with one arm and no squeak?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52No use at all. That's not the point.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56It's the first time you've seen him in ten years.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59I haven't seen me Aunty for ten years
0:12:59 > 0:13:04but that's no need to dump her on the corporation tip.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Do you remember my guinea pig Gregory?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Has he escaped?
0:13:10 > 0:13:16- No, you fool, he died ten years ago. - I bet you kept his ashes in a cuff-link box.
0:13:16 > 0:13:21Remember how we used to race them, mine against yours?
0:13:21 > 0:13:26- Never really got going.- I don't think they're natural athletes.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28HEY! Look at this.
0:13:28 > 0:13:34Rommel's lot. Uncle Arthur took this off a dead soldier at Alamein.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37With Arthur he wouldn't have been alive!
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Do you see this rabbit?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- That is no ordinary rabbit.- True.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- That is a luminous rabbit. - Luminous?
0:13:48 > 0:13:52- It glows. - It doesn't look luminous to me.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Right, I'll prove it to you. Get up. Come on!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- You see?- It's not very bright.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Bright enough to read a mucky book.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07God, it's a wonder you didn't go blind.
0:14:07 > 0:14:12- Look at this rub... That's a Riley, isn't it?- Yes.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Look at all these records. Blimey!
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Bo Diddley.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Fats Waller.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25- Hey, hey! Buddy Holly.- I had every Buddy Holly single ever made.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29We didn't call them singles then, did we?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Do you remember our skiffle group?
0:14:31 > 0:14:36- You on washboard.- And kazoo. - Big John Gibson on banjo.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Fats Gibson! Morris "Memphis" Hardacre on drums.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Well, drum. And me on tea chest.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46That was the tea chest.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Never! Eeee.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Dum, dum, dum, dum...- Woaaaaa!
0:14:52 > 0:14:58- I was the leader.- I don't know why, seeing you're tone deaf.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Because it was my garden shed we practiced in.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Rob Ferris and the Wildcats!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08It's hard to throw away golden oldies.
0:15:08 > 0:15:14I know, man. I've got things I'd never throw away. They're precious.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I've got some lava
0:15:16 > 0:15:22- from Vesuvius. It must be worth a fortune. I've had it years.- This?
0:15:22 > 0:15:27- Yes... How did you get my lava! - It can't have been that precious.
0:15:27 > 0:15:33You swapped it for a copy of Health and Beauty and some Allsorts.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- I want it back.- Don't erupt!
0:15:35 > 0:15:40No need to blow your top! Get it? Lava. Volcano. Blow your top!
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- Ha, ha(!)- All right, keep it!
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Keep your lava and I'll keep my Henry.
0:15:49 > 0:15:56- Well, it's valuable, sentimentally. - So's this. Throwing it out would be like losing a limb.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Of course it would. - If only Thelma understood.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03She should! Thelma is wrong and you are right.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07This is a tribute to your past. Money can't buy this.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10You can't put a price on lumps of lava.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15Absolutely. Henry stays and so does everything else.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Quite right!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Not here. Not with the new lodger.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24They should be in your new home. Tell Thelma.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29- Where you go, they go. - I knew you'd understand, old friend.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33- Old pal! - God, what have I said?
0:16:51 > 0:16:55PHONE PIPS AND CUTS OFF
0:17:01 > 0:17:06- I didn't need it.- Short call? - To the point.- What did you say?
0:17:06 > 0:17:11I'm not giving up my heritage. Where those things go, I go.
0:17:11 > 0:17:17- Well put. What did she say?- She gave me one of her ominous silences.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- So what did you do? - I gave her one of mine.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25- Pretty pointless, then. - It made a point. Then the pips went.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30- Cheers!- Cheers! Next we'll move the dining-room table.- Give us a chance.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33- Is the back still bad? - I can't bend it.
0:17:33 > 0:17:38At darts I couldn't raise me eyes to see double top.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- No trouble raising a pint. - I earned it!
0:17:41 > 0:17:45You don't think I'm being unreasonable, do you?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I'm not humping all that stuff back.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I don't think it's unreasonable.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54- It'd be dangerous...- She's being unreasonable.- The strain.
0:17:54 > 0:17:59- But then, we haven't got the space. - ..Slip a disc.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- And it is OUR new house. - ..On me back for months.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I am. I am being unreasonable.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10Encased in plaster from head to foot.
0:18:10 > 0:18:15- Am I being unreasonable? - What? Unreasonable about what?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Asking you to hump the stuff back?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Terry!
0:18:37 > 0:18:40They've all gone. I've been robbed!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43One luminous what, sir?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Bunny...
0:18:47 > 0:18:49..rabbit.
0:18:51 > 0:18:56What function might that usefully perform? Just out of interest.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59It glows in the dark.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03You can read things under the bedclothes.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09One rabbit
0:19:09 > 0:19:12luminous.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15There's a guinea pig cage.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17No guinea pig, just the cage.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22One cage
0:19:22 > 0:19:25guinea pig, uninhabited.
0:19:28 > 0:19:33- Is there anything I've forgotten? - Three sheets of foolscap's enough!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36We'll get this list circulated.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40- Good job you had that lava in your pocket.- Lava?
0:19:40 > 0:19:45Yes, from a volcano...Vesuvius. It was in me pocket.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Yes, that was fortunate, wasn't it?
0:19:49 > 0:19:53What are my chances? Those things are precious to me.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57- I can see that. - Can you give me an idea?
0:19:57 > 0:20:05For some time we've suspected that robberies in this area were being masterminded by Mr Big.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08This only confirms our suspicions.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Or it might be a mob from the Smoke.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15We'll keep you informed, sir.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24CID.
0:20:24 > 0:20:30Charlie? Listen, you're not going to believe this...
0:20:34 > 0:20:41- Thelma!- I brought these round. You were too busy running your souvenir shuttle service.
0:20:41 > 0:20:47Thank God you didn't come earlier. They might have beaten you up or... worse.
0:20:47 > 0:20:52- Who might?- The thieves, villains! We've been robbed!
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- Robbed?- They've taken my tea chests.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- It was Reverend Newman.- What?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01And the curate with the bicycle clips.
0:21:01 > 0:21:08- Reverend Newman?- Think what he does with the collection plates all the time.
0:21:08 > 0:21:15Thieves would leave the cooker, my print of Bernard Buffet's Clown and take two chests of rubbish?
0:21:15 > 0:21:19But why? Why the clergy?
0:21:19 > 0:21:24I asked if he wanted stuff for the jumble sale for War on Want.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Jumble sale? What sort of people will get my things?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31They're parishioners. Christians.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35There's a very dodgy lot on that jumble-sale circuit.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Thelma, how could you?
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- Where are you going? - I'll put the kettle on.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46I said, Thelma, how could you?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49How dare you give me an ultimatum?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Just for the record I came round to take them back for YOUR sake.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- I'd decided it was selfish. - Had you?
0:21:57 > 0:22:03Yes, I had. I decided to burn them, or bury them or drown them in the canal,
0:22:03 > 0:22:07even though they were my most treasured possessions.
0:22:07 > 0:22:13- You make me feel awful. I've been selfish. - No. You were right and I was wrong.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- We haven't got the space.- We have.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20We'll build a shed or stuff them in the airing cupboard.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24- No.- Don't argue, pet, really.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Our kiddy'll love playing with your Dinky toys,
0:22:28 > 0:22:33or finding out that Gloria Grahame was in Trapeze.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Oh, she wasn't. I was wrong.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38That proves we need reference books.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42Get them back. They won't be sold yet.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- Pet, are you sure?- I'm positive.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- Love and peace is the message now, is it?- Terry, love.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55I hope I didn't put your back up.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Oh, no. Out, but not up.
0:22:58 > 0:23:04You are kind. You won't mind helping Bobby bring those things back once more.
0:23:12 > 0:23:17- Thanks again for your generosity. - My privilege, Vicar.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Five bloody quid for my bloody things.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31The stuff's contained in two tea chests?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Will apprehend. Over and out.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- Subtle(!)- Subtle as an air raid.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50All right, lads. No fuss, eh? No sweat. Fair cop.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- Pardon?- Pardon?
0:23:55 > 0:24:01It all falls into place, now. Insurance swindle, wasn't it?
0:24:03 > 0:24:10You two and your collaborators from the clergy were out to do Lloyds for half a million.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14- We're very sorry. - Don't butter me up, lad.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19- Sir, I'm very... We're both very sorry for...- Lads!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22Please.
0:24:22 > 0:24:28When you're as overworked as we are with too few policemen chasing too many villains,
0:24:28 > 0:24:32too few bobbies chasing too many parking offenders,
0:24:32 > 0:24:37when you've got to cope with demos and break-ins and break-outs,
0:24:37 > 0:24:43lost cats and flashers and fairies and false alarms,
0:24:43 > 0:24:46and allegations of police brutality...
0:24:47 > 0:24:52it's a welcome change to be frigged about by idiots.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Out!
0:24:58 > 0:24:59HEY!
0:24:59 > 0:25:02What about that lot?
0:25:09 > 0:25:13- You didn't have to.- I did.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- I did it for my marriage. - She said you could keep them!
0:25:17 > 0:25:23It'll be different when she wants space for the wedding presents.
0:25:23 > 0:25:28It would have been a bone of contention between us.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32- This is the best way. - Don't take it so hard.
0:25:32 > 0:25:38- TEARFULLY - It's all right. After all, they're just a load of rubbish.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57How do you feel, mate?
0:25:57 > 0:26:02Pretty terrible, but don't you worry.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05How's the pain? Still severe?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Spreading...
0:26:07 > 0:26:11round me shoulders and down me legs.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Still, it'll be worse tomorrow.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18I'm to blame. It's my fault.
0:26:18 > 0:26:24I'll slip a disc for a friend. Henry doesn't look too clever.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Travel sickness, I expect.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Why is he bald?
0:26:33 > 0:26:38Don't you remember? We used to play hairdressers.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- That how he lost his ear, an' all? - .
0:26:40 > 0:26:44No. He lost that the same time as he lost his arm.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47We put him through mother's mangle.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50What a terrible thing to do!
0:26:50 > 0:26:54Well, we were interrogating him at the time.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Did he talk...I mean squeak?
0:26:57 > 0:26:59No, nor ever since.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03It's guilt makes you keep him, not sentiment.
0:27:03 > 0:27:08Shut up, man. I've had enough of sentiment for one day.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- What's all this stuff? - It's not one of ours.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15Must be stuff Thelma's brought round.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19- Hockey stick! - She doesn't still play, does she?
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Not for ten years.
0:27:22 > 0:27:27- Kaleidoscope.- One panda, black and white, squeak intact.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31- One neckerchief, navy blue. - Girl Guides.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35One record, LP, The World of Billy Fury.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- One book, Five on Kirrin Island. - Little Women.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Paperweight, Eiffel Tower.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45One doll, gingham knickers.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48One music box, no music.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52- Another paperweight, snow scene. - One pair of Y-fronts, male.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58- Male Y-front's? - Probably Billy Fury's.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02She's got a nerve bringing this junk round here.
0:28:02 > 0:28:07We haven't got cupboard space for it. Why does she need a pet panda?
0:28:07 > 0:28:12You went out of your way to be reasonable. This is unreasonable.
0:28:12 > 0:28:19- I have been reasonable. - A typical selfish female attitude. - She has been unreasonable.
0:28:19 > 0:28:24- If I was you I'd pack it up and dump it on her doorstep.- Would you?
0:28:24 > 0:28:26I'd dump it
0:28:26 > 0:28:28on her doorstep...
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Thanks, Terry, old friend. Old pal.
0:28:57 > 0:29:05Intelfax Subtitles by Kate Shaw for BBC Subtitling, 1995